Winter season volume 3

Heavy Snowfall — When the Snow Falls Heavily (2)

“Cough, cough.”

 

The memories of the dreadful hours before dawn already seemed distant, as though they belonged to someone else. I-hyeon curled into a ball as a pain that felt as though his lungs were being torn apart gripped him. The area below his waist, which had been subjected to such rough treatment throughout the night, ached painfully. When he managed to lift his heavy eyelids, it was already bright outside.

 

Heat rushed from his body with the long sigh he let out. He was in absolutely no condition to go to work. I-hyeon fumbled around beside his pillow until he finally found his mobile, then dialled the convenience store manager's number.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Cough. Hello, Manager. Is this a good time to talk?”

 

“Oh my, I-hyeon? What’s happened to your voice? Have you caught a cold?”

 

“I’m not feeling very well today… I’m really sorry, but would it be possible for me to take just one day off?”

 

“Oh dear, I should’ve known when I saw you walking around in those thin clothes. You’ve completely lost your voice! All right, don’t worry about things here. Have you taken any medicine?”

 

“Yes. Cough. I’m really sorry.”

 

“Stop apologising and get plenty of rest until the end of the weekend. Hye-jeong and I can manage the shop.”

 

“Thank you, Manager…”

 

“Anyway, it’s fine, so hurry up and get some rest. Goodness, your voice sounds terrible. Make sure you keep your home warm—”

 

Only after repeatedly alternating between thanking her and apologising did the call finally end. Just saying those few words had left his throat feeling as though it were being ripped apart. The light streaming through the window hurt his eyes, but he didn’t even have the strength to get up and close the curtains. I-hyeon slowly raised his heavy arm and laid it across his eyes.

 

“Haah…”

 

The real culprit was the rain he’d been caught in on his way home from the hotel early that morning. During the short walk towards a nearby convenience store, moving with an unsteady gait, he’d been caught in an unexpected winter downpour and soaked almost to his underwear.

 

The rain running down his face had felt like a reflection of his own feelings. Rather than running home, he’d simply walked the entire way, so it would have been stranger if he hadn’t caught a cold. If he’d known he’d end up so ill that he couldn’t even go to his part-time job, he would have hailed a taxi somewhere along the way.

 

It had been almost ten years since he’d started living alone. It wasn’t as though he’d never been ill during that time, but this time, his arms and legs felt unusually heavy and refused to move as he wanted them to. If he’d had any medicine at home, he would have taken it. But there was hardly any proper food in the place, let alone emergency medication. The heating hadn’t been switched on, leaving the room bitterly cold.

 

Unable to bring himself to get up, I-hyeon could only wrap the chilly duvet tightly around himself. The skin exposed to the air felt cool, while an unbearable heat burned inside his body. The conflicting sensations spread through every part of him. Breaking out in a cold sweat, I-hyeon instinctively curled up and bit down hard on his lower lip, suppressing the groan threatening to escape.

 

He drifted in and out of sleep as though collapsing into unconsciousness each time. Eventually, what woke him was the persistent vibration of his phone ringing beside his ear. With considerable effort, I-hyeon moved his arm and answered in a hoarse voice.

 

“…Hello?”

 

A familiar voice came through the phone.

 

“What’s wrong with your voice?”

 

“It’s nothing. Why are you calling?”

 

If he’d known it was Gu Seung-hyeok, he wouldn’t have answered. It was his own fault for not checking who was calling. I-hyeon forced down the sigh rising in his chest and merely breathed heavily, each feverish breath coming out with a faint wheeze.

 

“If you’ve got nothing to say, I’m hanging up.”

 

After repeatedly taking Gu Jin-hyeok’s penis deep into his mouth the previous night, opening his throat as far as it would go, every word now made the inside of his throat sting as though it were being torn apart. He’d barely managed to speak, yet all that came from the other end was silence. Then the call abruptly disconnected.

 

I-hyeon dragged a hand down his face and placed the phone back beside his pillow.

 

“Haah…”

 

He must have fallen into another fitful sleep while struggling alone with the fever. Somewhere beyond the haze of his consciousness, the sound of something repeatedly striking a hard surface began to irritate him. He slowly opened his eyes.

 

Someone was knocking at the front door. There’s nobody who would come here…

 

“…Who is it?”

 

He sighed and opened the door. The first thing that entered his vision was the broad chest of someone standing directly in front of him. When he raised his gaze, he found Seung-hyeok standing there with his head tilted slightly to one side.

 

“…Gu Seung-hyeok?”

 

Before he’d even finished speaking, a large hand suddenly appeared in front of his face. Cool fingers touched his forehead, then quickly withdrew.

 

“You’ve got a fever.”

 

“…”

 

“Get dressed and come out. We’re going to the hospital.”

 

Seung-hyeok gestured towards the stairs with his chin. I-hyeon looked up at him and silently shook his head.

 

“I don’t need to go. I’ll be fine after taking some medicine and sleeping.”

 

“Then what about the medicine…”

 

“…”

 

“Have you taken any?”

 

When I-hyeon failed to answer, a frown appeared between Seung-hyeok’s well-defined brows. He looked down at him with obvious displeasure before turning and stepping into the room. I-hyeon knew that telling him to leave would be pointless.

 

He rubbed his face with one hand and followed Seung-hyeok inside. The first thing Seung-hyeok did upon entering the room was frown and reach for the boiler’s temperature control on the wall. He turned up the temperature before gesturing towards I-hyeon with his chin.

 

“Are you seriously keeping your place like this when you’re ill?”

 

“…Why did you come here?”

 

“Lie down. I didn’t come here to do anything with you.”

 

Seung-hyeok caught I-hyeon by the wrist, who was still standing there blankly, and led him towards the bed. After making him sit down, he took something from his pocket and placed it in I-hyeon’s hand. It was an all-in-one cold medicine sold at pharmacies.

 

Seung-hyeok then took a bottle of water from the fridge and held it out to him.

 

“Take your medicine first. I’ve told the guys to buy you some porridge.”

 

However, I-hyeon merely stared down at the medicine without moving. Seung-hyeok raised an eyebrow, then opened the packet himself while it was still resting in I-hyeon’s palm.

 

“You really are a lot of work.”

 

Unable to ignore the bottle being practically shoved into his face, I-hyeon swallowed the medicine and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He could distinctly feel the water travelling down his burning throat. Only then did he realise how thirsty he’d been, and he moistened his dry lips with a little more water.

 

“…Thank you.”

 

He spoke towards Seung-hyeok, who was still standing in front of him looking down at him. Without saying anything, Seung-hyeok took the water bottle and put it back in the fridge. Then he returned and pressed two fingers against I-hyeon's forehead, who was sitting there absent-mindedly with his eyes lowered, pushing him backwards onto the bed.

 

“Just lie down.”

 

It felt strange and unfamiliar to sit on his bed and take medicine someone else had bought for him. Until now, he’d always found it uncomfortable having another person around when he was ill. Part of it was the worry that he might pass on his cold, but more than that, he simply found another person’s presence unsettling.

 

It didn’t belong in a home that was always so quiet.

 

“…Are you planning to stay?”

 

“You’ll catch my cold. Go home.”

 

Even to his own ears, his flat voice sounded cold. He instinctively checked Seung-hyeok’s expression, but the other man seemed completely unconcerned. With an expressionless face, he pulled the chair away from the desk and sat down.

 

Then he dragged I-hyeon’s duvet right up to his neck, wrapping him so tightly that he was practically bundled inside it.

 

“Think of it as repayment for treating my wounds last time.”

 

I-hyeon wriggled in discomfort at the pressure constricting his entire body, but it was useless. Eventually, he gave up trying to move and turned his head to the side. As soon as he relaxed his tense body, the boiling heat of his fever began pressing down on him again.

 

He could feel Seung-hyeok watching him, but he didn’t have the energy to care. Thinking it might be better if he could just fall asleep, he closed his eyes and breathed heavily. Then, suddenly, Seung-hyeok placed a hand on his forehead.

 

Is this what finding an oasis in the desert feels like? The coolness against his feverish skin was wonderfully soothing.

 

“…Feels nice and cool.”

 

Apparently, he’d muttered aloud what he’d only intended to think. The hand that had lifted away settled against his forehead once again.

 

“How long have you been like this?”

 

“…”

 

“Did you get caught in the rain early this morning or something?”

 

“What?”

 

His heart seemed to drop, as though someone had suddenly struck him across the back of the head while he was walking down the street. Such an insignificant question shouldn’t have startled him so badly. He immediately opened his eyes and looked up at Seung-hyeok, only to find the other man watching him with a puzzled expression.

 

“I asked if you got caught in the rain on your way home from work this morning. Why are you so startled?”

 

It was half right and half wrong. I-hyeon nervously chewed the inside of his cheek, averted his gaze and answered quietly.

 

“…That’s not what happened.”

 

He’d forgotten just how uncomfortable it felt to deceive someone. He could already imagine one lie giving rise to another, endlessly multiplying, but he forced himself to shake away the thought. Just five more times.

 

No, four now. If I can get through just four more times, everything will finally be over. He steeled himself once again and bit down on his lower lip.

 

Then Seung-hyeok’s finger slipped between his lips, stopping him.

 

“Stop biting it. Your lips are a complete mess.”

 

The moment those fingertips touched the corner of his mouth, a sharp stinging sensation spread through it. And suddenly, images from the previous night flashed before his eyes.

 

“Mmph… mmgh… ngh…”

 

The image of himself kneeling, gripping Gu Jin-hyeok’s thighs and holding his mouth open appeared with such horrifying clarity that it was as though he were watching himself through someone else’s eyes. A sudden surge of humiliation and shame made his vision swim. Without realising what he was doing, I-hyeon sat up abruptly and slapped Seung-hyeok’s hand away.

 

He lowered his reddened eyes and spoke sharply.

 

“Don’t touch me.”

 

Seung-hyeok looked down at his hand, still suspended in midair, with an indifferent expression. Then he turned his gaze towards I-hyeon’s face. Even I-hyeon knew he’d overreacted.

 

Overwhelmed by embarrassment at his own behaviour, he bit his lower lip and looked away. Seung-hyeok ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek before lowering his arm.

 

“Fine. I won’t touch you. Just lie back down.”

 

He gently pressed I-hyeon’s shoulder before pushing back his chair and standing up. Thinking he might finally be leaving, I-hyeon looked up at him. But instead of heading towards the door, Seung-hyeok went into the small bathroom in the corner.

 

There was the brief sound of running water. A moment later, he emerged holding a damp towel.

 

“I told you to lie down. Bloody hell, you really don’t listen, do you?”

 

Still sitting there clutching the duvet that had slipped down, I-hyeon was pushed back onto the bed by the pressure against his forehead. A moment later, Seung-hyeok placed the wet towel across it. The sudden damp coolness sent a shiver down his spine, but the sensation of his head becoming clearer wasn’t unpleasant.

 

I-hyeon quietly closed his mouth and relaxed his body. In the silence, the clock's ticking seemed unusually loud. He could almost feel Seung-hyeok’s gaze resting on him as the other man sat with his arms folded.

 

Pretending not to notice, I-hyeon closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. Then a knock sounded at the front door. Seung-hyeok went to answer it.

 

After exchanging a few words with someone outside, he returned carrying a shopping bag bearing the logo of a porridge restaurant.

 

“You’re not going to eat the porridge now, are you?”

 

“…No.”

 

“I’ll put it in the fridge. Once I’ve gone, heat it in the microwave and eat it.”

 

When he returned to the bed, Seung-hyeok carefully turned over the damp towel, which had already warmed to a lukewarm temperature. His movements were unusually gentle for someone like him. An old memory suddenly crossed I-hyeon’s mind.

 

When he’d been very young, his mother had changed the wet towels on his forehead in much the same way. Perhaps being ill was making him think about the past. I-hyeon blinked slowly and opened his mouth.

 

“A long time ago… I think I was in my early or mid-twenties. I tore the palm of my hand open while I was working…”

 

“I went home after getting stitches, but I had a really bad fever that lasted until the next day. It was winter then, too.”

 

His voice, clouded by his half-conscious state, was barely audible.

 

“I was living in a rooftop room, so it was even colder than this place. I couldn’t move my body at all…”

 

“I just lay there suffering on my own. By the time I finally felt well enough to get up, several days had already passed.”

 

“…”

 

“So… what I was trying to say is…”

 

The words he’d casually spoken countless times before seemed to stick to the tip of his tongue, refusing to come out. He slowly raised his eyes. Seung-hyeok was looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

 

Meeting his gaze directly, I-hyeon slowly parted his lips.

 

“…Thank you.”

 

“Thank you for coming here—mmph.”

 

Before he could finish, Seung-hyeok pressed his lips against his. Their lips met at an angle, smooth and close. A soft tongue brushed across his rough, dry lips before Seung-hyeok drew back.

 

His reddish lips parted, and I-hyeon found himself looking into eyes that seemed to linger over him with an almost tangible intensity.

 

“Would it make me a complete bastard if I said I liked how hot you are?”

 

Still startled by the sudden kiss, I-hyeon was struck by the thought that he might pass on his cold.

 

He pressed his lips tightly together and stared up at Seung-hyeok with wide eyes. One corner of Seung-hyeok’s beautifully shaped mouth lifted. Keeping his gaze fixed on I-hyeon’s lips, he murmured,

 

“If you’re grateful, just open your mouth.”

 

Seung-hyeok pressed his thumb beneath I-hyeon’s chin and took advantage of the slight opening between his lips to slip his tongue inside. The sensation of it moving through every corner of his feverishly hot mouth was so vivid that it sent shivers through him. I-hyeon pulled his hands out from beneath the duvet and barely managed to grasp Seung-hyeok’s shoulders.

 

It was a wet, hot, dizzying kiss. Raw and unrestrained.

 

──── 📘📘 ────

 

“Thank you. Have a nice day.”

 

I-hyeon called after the customer leaving the convenience store, then carefully raised the warm Americano Hye-jeong had bought him to his lips. Perhaps thanks to the medicine Seung-hyeok had brought him, the fever that had seemed to crush his entire body was completely gone. However, his throat still felt rough, as though something were caught inside it.

 

To make matters worse, every time he opened his mouth, pain flared from the split corners of his lips. I-hyeon rubbed his rough lips with the back of his hand and looked down at the phone he’d been gripping tightly for some time. Gu Seung-hyeok.

 

The name displayed at the top of his messaging app seemed unusually clear. Beside it was a small cake icon indicating that it was his birthday. Seeing it reminded I-hyeon of what he’d said a few days earlier while they were eating tteokbokki.

 

He’d promised to celebrate Seung-hyeok’s birthday. He barely bothered celebrating his own birthday, so what on earth had possessed him to say something like that? Belated regret washed over him.

 

“I-hyeon, what are you thinking about so seriously?”

 

The person who spoke was Hye-jeong, who had just finished zipping up her work vest and stepped behind the counter. Suddenly, I-hyeon wondered whether she might be able to help. She was older than him and had fairly good judgment when it came to things like this.

 

“Hye-jeong, do you know what would make a suitable birthday present for a man in his late twenties?”

 

“A man in his late twenties? Hmm… What kind of work does he do?”

 

An image of Seung-hyeok surrounded by burly men in black suits immediately came to mind. But he couldn’t exactly tell her the truth. Unsure how to answer such an awkward question, I-hyeon replied without much confidence.

 

“Just… business, that sort of thing.”

 

Perhaps she didn’t notice how his voice trailed off. Hye-jeong tilted her head and thoughtfully rubbed her chin.

 

“Hmm… Maybe a fountain pen, a wallet or some shoes? Something like that would be nice if he’s a businessman.”

 

I-hyeon thought about the clothes Seung-hyeok usually wore and the watches he’d seen on his wrist. No matter how much he stretched his budget to buy something, it would undoubtedly be far inferior to the things Gu Seung-hyeok already owned. He was still trying to think of another option when the bell above the door rang and a customer entered.

 

I-hyeon hurriedly removed his vest and stepped away from the counter. After giving Hye-jeong a small nod, he went outside. He stopped in the middle of the pavement, uncertain where to go.

 

For a moment, he considered visiting a department store, but his finances weren’t particularly comfortable this month. After hesitating, he took out his phone instead of walking away and dialled Seung-hyeok’s number.

 

“Hello?”

 

His voice sounded slightly husky, as though he’d only just woken up. When I-hyeon didn’t say anything, Seung-hyeok spoke again.

 

“Kwon I-hyeon?”

 

“Gu Seung-hyeok, happy birthday.”

 

It was such an ordinary birthday greeting, yet he couldn’t understand why the words had been so difficult to say. He pressed his lips tightly together before continuing in a quieter voice.

 

“If there’s anything you need, tell me. I was going to buy you a birthday present, but I couldn’t think of anything suitable.”

 

He reassured himself that buying someone something they actually needed would be the best choice. But no answer came through the phone. I-hyeon lowered his gaze and scuffed the ground with the toe of his trainer.

 

“Isn’t there anything you need?”

 

“There is.”

 

“What?”

 

“Seaweed soup.”

 

I-hyeon frowned and tilted his head, wondering whether he’d misheard.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Seaweed soup. Come to my place and make me some.”

 

“…”

 

“It’s my birthday, isn’t it?”

 

The completely unexpected answer left I-hyeon rubbing the back of his neck. He’d lived alone long enough that making seaweed soup wasn’t particularly difficult. But being asked to cook it as a birthday present made him feel strangely unsettled.

 

“…Is that really all you want?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

I-hyeon rubbed his chapped lips and considered it for a moment before starting towards the bus stop. The request was awkward, just like their relationship, which couldn’t exactly be described as close but wasn’t distant either. He hesitated, but having already promised to celebrate Seung-hyeok’s birthday, he couldn’t very well take it back.

 

Besides, Seung-hyeok had gone out of his way to look after him when he was ill a few days earlier. Surely cooking him a bowl of seaweed soup wasn’t so difficult in return. Fortunately, he didn’t have to work at the bar that day, so he had plenty of time.

 

Mentally listing the ingredients he’d need, I-hyeon pictured the route to Seung-hyeok’s home.

 

“All right. I’ll buy the ingredients and come over.”

 

After ending the call, I-hyeon boarded a bus heading towards Seung-hyeok’s place. Before entering the officetel complex, he stopped at a small supermarket and bought beef, dried seaweed, garlic and a few basic seasonings. By the time he’d finished shopping, his bag was fairly heavy.

 

He paid and left the supermarket, but just then, he noticed the illuminated sign of a chain bakery across the road. His steps towards the officetel faltered. Should I buy a cake as well?

 

After all, it was his birthday. Surely bringing a cake would be a nice thing to do. But another part of him wondered whether that might be going too far. The two thoughts battled in his head as he stood hesitating at the pedestrian crossing.

 

The traffic light blinked and changed to green. I-hyeon tucked his lips inward before finally stepping onto the crossing towards the bakery. He bought a relatively small cake, thinking Seung-hyeok probably wasn’t particularly fond of sweet things.

 

For some reason, the square cake box in his hand made him feel self-conscious. Carrying it towards the nearby officetel, he greeted the building manager at the entrance and stepped into the lift. Bzzzz.

 

When he pressed the doorbell, a long buzzing sound rang out. A moment later, the front door opened, revealing Gu Seung-hyeok dressed in comfortable casual clothes. Seung-hyeok quietly looked down at I-hyeon standing before him.

 

Then, without warning, he placed a hand against his forehead.

 

“Your fever’s gone.”

 

It was rather ridiculous to be standing in the doorway doing this before he’d even been invited inside. I-hyeon turned his head and moved away from the hand. Seung-hyeok shifted aside.

 

“Come in.”

 

The stark interior looked much the same as it had during I-hyeon’s previous brief visit. The view outside the windows was still dizzyingly high, and the entire place was so perfectly tidy that it barely looked lived in. Seeing the kitchen sink completely dry, without even a trace of water, made him glad he’d bought sesame oil and soy sauce at the supermarket.

 

I-hyeon headed into the kitchen and placed the cake box and shopping bag on the island worktop.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“Birthday cake.”

 

“…Seriously.”

 

Despite his seemingly curt tone, one corner of Seung-hyeok’s mouth lifted. I-hyeon glanced at him before turning to wash his hands at the sink.

 

“Do you know how to make seaweed soup?”

 

Contrary to I-hyeon’s expectations, Seung-hyeok didn’t head into the living room. Instead, he leant against the kitchen island. I-hyeon began taking the ingredients out of his shopping bag and answered casually.

 

“I’ve made it a few times.”

 

“Who did you make it for?”

 

There must be some pots here, at least. Ah, there they are. Ignoring Seung-hyeok’s question, I-hyeon quickly reached for a pot.

 

But the blunt voice continued behind him.

 

“The bastards you used to date?”

 

Wondering whether Seung-hyeok was deliberately picking a fight, I-hyeon turned around. Seung-hyeok was standing with his arms folded and his head tilted slightly to one side. I-hyeon looked up at him, pressed his lips firmly together, then nodded.

 

“Yeah.”

 

At the perfectly calm answer, Seung-hyeok raised an eyebrow. I-hyeon expected him to say something else irritating, but Seung-hyeok merely ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek while keeping his arms folded. He said nothing.

 

I-hyeon was the first to look away. He filled a large bowl with water and placed the dried seaweed inside to soak. I suppose I can fry the beef while the seaweed is soaking.

 

The spacious kitchen was unfamiliar to him, so he opened several cupboards and drawers while searching for cooking utensils. Throughout it all, he could feel someone watching him from behind. When he glanced over, Seung-hyeok was still standing in exactly the same position, observing him.

 

The constant attention made I-hyeon uncomfortable. He pressed his lips together.

 

“Are you going to stand there the whole time?”

 

“Don’t mind me. Just carry on with what you’re doing.”

 

“Go and sit in the living room. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

 

What he’d meant was Stop staring at me and go somewhere else. But whether Seung-hyeok understood only half of it or was deliberately pretending not to, he pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down instead. I-hyeon let out a quiet sigh and poured some sesame oil into the pot.

 

He switched on the heat and began frying the finely chopped beef and seaweed. A savoury aroma rose alongside the sizzling sound. As he added water and watched the soup begin to boil, he suddenly wondered how he’d ended up coming to this house to cook seaweed soup in the first place.

 

It felt like only yesterday that they’d met again at the club and spent the entire time exchanging sharp words. Yet now their relationship had become something he couldn’t quite define. They’d had sex.

 

They’d kissed. But they weren’t close enough to contact one another regularly. What do you even call a relationship like that?

 

“…It’s my first time.”

 

“What?”

 

“It’s my first time having seaweed soup on my birthday.”

 

The casually spoken words broke through I-hyeon’s thoughts. He turned towards Seung-hyeok without thinking. But the man who’d said them was looking at his phone with a completely indifferent expression.

 

Come to think of it, I suppose that really could be true. The thought came to him belatedly. Unable to find a suitable response, he ended up saying something rather useless.

 

“…Do you want to taste it?”

 

Holding out the spoon, he looked directly at Seung-hyeok. The other man put down his phone and approached. As Seung-hyeok came unexpectedly close, I-hyeon discreetly took half a step backwards.

 

He couldn’t quite bring himself to feed him, so he simply handed over the spoon. Seung-hyeok tasted the broth, shrugged and said,

 

“It’s good.”

 

Such a simple comment, yet it made I-hyeon’s fingertips feel strangely restless. He deliberately turned away from Seung-hyeok, walked towards the dining table and picked up the cake box.

 

“The soup just needs to boil a little longer. Let’s blow out the candles while we wait. Sit down.”

 

Trying not to look at Seung-hyeok sitting opposite him, I-hyeon took the cake out of its box. The sight of a strawberry cake topped with cute swirls of white cream sitting in front of Gu Seung-hyeok felt oddly out of place. For no particular reason, I-hyeon pursed his lips and pretended to be perfectly relaxed as he placed the provided candles on the cake.

 

He took out the matches included with the cake knife and tried to strike one. But no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t get it to light. Just as he frowned and reached for another match, Seung-hyeok pulled a lighter from his pocket and held it to the candle wicks.

 

I-hyeon puffed out his cheeks in embarrassment and lowered his hand. The burning candles cast uneven shadows across Seung-hyeok’s face. I-hyeon watched quietly for a moment before speaking in a small voice.

 

“Make a wish and blow out the candles.”

 

Worried that wax might drip onto the cake, he kept watching the burning candles. But no answer came. When he raised his gaze, his eyes met Gu Seung-hyeok’s.

 

The man was looking directly at him. I-hyeon didn’t look away. He simply returned the stare.

 

“…”

 

There must have been insects crawling around inside his stomach after he’d spent those days lying ill. It felt as though they were moving through every blood vessel in his body. Otherwise, how could he explain the strange tingling, prickling sensation spreading through him?

 

I-hyeon was the first to avert his gaze. He lowered his eyes. Whoosh.

 

With one short breath, the candle flames went out together. I-hyeon hesitated, then opened his mouth.

 

“…Happy birthday, Gu Seung-hyeok.”

 

There was no reply. Silence settled around them. Above the cake, thin trails of smoke drifted through the air in uncertain patterns.

 

The smell of extinguished candles belatedly reached his nose. I-hyeon bit down on his lip and stood up abruptly.

 

“I’ll bring the seaweed soup over, so stay there.”

 

Avoiding Seung-hyeok’s gaze, he hurried into the kitchen and kept clenching and unclenching his fist for no reason. Gu Seung-hyeok kept behaving strangely, and now it seemed as though his odd behaviour had become contagious. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, I-hyeon ladled the seaweed soup into bowls.

 

It felt rather awkward to serve nothing but soup, so he searched through the cupboards and found two portions of instant rice. He heated them in the microwave and placed them on the table alongside the soup.

 

“It’s ready.”

 

Seung-hyeok looked down at the bowl of seaweed soup in front of him with a subtle, unreadable expression. He remained seated without picking up his spoon. I-hyeon spoke quietly.

 

“Try it.”

 

Perhaps because he’d heard that this was Seung-hyeok’s first time eating seaweed soup on his birthday, he felt strangely nervous.

 

He watched anxiously, wondering whether it would suit Gu Seung-hyeok’s tastes. Just then, the phone he’d placed on the table vibrated. I-hyeon instinctively glanced towards it.

 

The moment he saw the message appearing at the top of the screen, his entire body froze. Taeseong Hotel, Room 2101. Within 30 minutes. His heart, which had been beating peacefully only moments earlier, began pounding for an entirely different reason.

 

Instinctively, he calculated the distance from here to the Taeseong Hotel. He wasn’t even sure he could make it within the allotted time if he left immediately. The thought made his expression stiffen.

 

“It’s good.”

 

Meanwhile, Seung-hyeok had taken a spoonful of soup and spoken with an unusually gentle expression. But I-hyeon barely registered it. Despair at being contacted at this particular moment, combined with the terror of nearly being discovered by Seung-hyeok, spread through his entire body.

 

Seung-hyeok seemed to find it strange that I-hyeon was sitting motionless without touching his spoon. He looked up with a puzzled expression.

 

“Aren’t you eating?”

 

I-hyeon desperately wanted to pretend he hadn’t seen the message. More than anything, he didn’t want to go to Jin-hyeok right now. But if he failed to turn up, there was no telling what Jin-hyeok might do immediately afterwards.

 

I-hyeon ran his tongue over his painfully dry lips and avoided Seung-hyeok’s gaze. He couldn’t bring himself to look him in the face. Instead, he repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists before finally forcing the words out.

 

“Gu Seung-hyeok, I’m sorry, but I think I have to leave first.”

 

“What?”

 

“There’s more seaweed soup in the pot, so if it’s not enough, just help yourself.”

 

He blurted everything out without meeting Seung-hyeok’s eyes and hurriedly rose from his chair. But as he stood, a hand suddenly caught his wrist.

 

“Why? What’s happened?”

 

“…It’s nothing. My friend… something urgent has happened to a friend.”

 

He stammered so badly that he didn’t even notice the contradiction of saying it was nothing and then claiming it was urgent in the same sentence. As he watched I-hyeon, Seung-hyeok’s previously relaxed expression slowly hardened. I-hyeon tried to pull his hand away and leave.

 

But his wrist was seized again.

 

“Eat this first. I’ll give you a lift.”

 

“Let go!”

 

As he violently tried to wrench his arm free, he accidentally struck a glass sitting on the table. Crash! The glass shattered against the floor, scattering fragments everywhere.

 

In an instant, the atmosphere turned icy. I-hyeon’s face went pale as he bit down hard on his lower lip.

 

“…I told you to let go.”

 

Seung-hyeok looked at him and slowly loosened his grip. His face was perfectly expressionless as he stared down at the broken glass, running his tongue along the inside of his cheek.

 

“Just how important is this friend that Kwon I-hyeon has to go this far?”

 

“…”

 

“Then go. I’ll wait for you to come back.”

 

“No. Don’t wait.”

 

The answer came without the slightest hesitation. Seung-hyeok raised his previously lowered eyes, revealing a cold, hardened expression. I-hyeon clenched his fists tightly and spoke in a trembling voice.

 

“I’ll go first.”

 

Still pale, he took several steps backwards before abruptly turning, opening the front door and leaving. Beep. Beep. Beep. The electronic lock sounded before the door clicked shut.

 

Left alone in the ruined kitchen, Seung-hyeok looked down at the glittering fragments scattered across the floor and the empty seat opposite him. A self-mocking smile appeared on his face. A moment later, a hollow laugh escaped his lips.

 

The restaurant was filled with the noisy chatter of people sitting at tables all around them. As more alcohol went down and Eun-ho’s cheeks grew redder, his voice became increasingly loud.

 

“No, that bastard Cha Do-hyeon hasn’t changed one bit since we were kids! He did whatever the fuck he wanted back then, and he’s still doing it now! How much longer am I supposed to put up with his shit?”

 

Eun-ho slammed his soju glass onto the table, his face twisted with anger. Knowing the question wasn’t actually directed at him, I-hyeon merely lowered his eyes and absent-mindedly picked at the sweetcorn and cheese.

 

“It’s not like I got drunk because I wanted to! What was I supposed to do? Go to a company dinner, get down on my knees and say, ‘Sorry, I can’t drink today,’ then sit there like a good little boy?”

 

“The team leader and the group leader were both there! If there’s anyone who can sit through a drinking session like that without getting drunk, I’d bloody love to meet him! Let me see his face!”

 

As Eun-ho continued ranting, I-hyeon let his words pass straight through one ear and out the other. His mind was occupied with what had happened at Seung-hyeok’s home a few days earlier. The hand that had grabbed him when he tried to leave.

 

The glass that had fallen to the floor and shattered. The bowl of seaweed soup left sitting there. Those images kept returning to him.

 

But ever since that day, he hadn’t received a single message from Seung-hyeok. After returning from the hotel, he’d opened their message conversation countless times, intending to apologise. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to type anything.

 

After abandoning someone like that, did he really have the right to contact him first? He’d repeatedly typed meaningless words, deleted them, then finally switched off his phone. That had already been four days ago.

 

“It’s not like I deliberately ignored his calls, you know! Huh? When you’re sitting at a company dinner, sometimes you just can’t check your phone. That’s normal, isn’t it?”

 

Still fuming, Eun-ho knocked back another glass of soju. Without saying anything, I-hyeon refilled it.

 

“Kh!”

 

Eun-ho grimaced after swallowing and picked up his chopsticks, grabbing a large mouthful of grilled meat. Yeah, eat plenty and calm yourself down. I-hyeon raised his hand to order more meat from a member of staff.

 

But just then, he noticed four or five people entering through the restaurant’s front door. His gaze passed over them indifferently. Then it stopped on the person who entered last.

 

It was Gu Seung-hyeok. Perhaps sensing that he was being watched, Seung-hyeok also looked in his direction. Their eyes met.

 

If he comes over and starts picking a fight, there’s no way Yeo Eun-ho will keep quiet with that temper of his… What if they end up fighting? I-hyeon watched Seung-hyeok tensely.

 

But the other man was the first to look away, without the slightest hesitation. Contrary to I-hyeon’s fears, Seung-hyeok showed absolutely no interest in him. He simply took a seat at a table near the entrance.

 

The tension drained from I-hyeon’s body, leaving him strangely deflated.

 

“Ma’am! Two bottles of soju and four portions of pork belly over here!”

 

The rough voice came from Seung-hyeok’s table, drawing I-hyeon’s attention towards it again. Judging by the clothing of the men accompanying him, they seemed to be some of the burly subordinates who spent their time around his office. Just like that time at the convenience store… He really does spend a lot of time with his underlings.

 

It doesn’t seem to suit him. I-hyeon kept glancing towards their table while grilling the meat. Apparently frustrated by the way he was doing it, Eun-ho snatched the tongs from his hand.

 

“Oi, that’s not how you do it. Give them here. I’ll do it.”

 

As befitted the son of a barbecue restaurant owner, Eun-ho expertly turned and cut the meat after adjusting his grip on the tongs. I-hyeon stared blankly at the red flames flickering beneath the grill. His body was seated opposite Eun-ho, but all his attention was fixed on the table beside the entrance.

 

Whether he noticed this or not, Eun-ho launched into another furious complaint.

 

“Anyway, that bastard Cha Do-hyeon needs to learn a proper lesson this time! He actually said that if I come home drunk one more time, he’s installing a location-tracking app on my phone!”

 

“Let him bloody try it! I’ll get so drunk today that he’ll see exactly what an animal I can become!”

 

“Woof, woof!”

 

Working himself into another rage, Eun-ho put down the tongs and drank soju as though it were water. Then he suddenly noticed how quiet I-hyeon had been. He raised his head.

 

“Come to think of it, why are you so quiet today? You look even more worn out than the last time I saw you.”

 

Frowning slightly, Eun-ho brushed the back of his hand across I-hyeon’s cheek. Without thinking, I-hyeon glanced towards Seung-hyeok. The other man was sitting with his arms folded, looking straight ahead as though he had absolutely no interest in I-hyeon’s presence.

 

“What? Got something on your mind?”

 

“…What would I have to worry about?”

 

I-hyeon picked up the glass in front of him and brought it to his lips. The alcohol tasted unusually bitter as it slid down his throat. He grimaced unconsciously and quickly drank some water.

 

Eun-ho let out a quiet sigh.

 

“Honestly, you’re probably exhausted from work yourself. What am I even doing dragging you out here? Forget it. Let’s just drink.”

 

Perhaps it was only natural that Seung-hyeok refused to acknowledge him. If their positions had been reversed, I-hyeon wouldn’t have wanted to be the first to speak to someone who’d abandoned him like that on his birthday either. He understood it perfectly well in his head.

 

Yet actually seeing Seung-hyeok refuse to so much as look at him made his chest feel strangely tight. He couldn’t understand his own feelings at all.

 

“Oi! Cheers! Come on, cheers!”

 

At Eun-ho’s urging, their two soju glasses collided lightly in mid-air. The clear liquid inside sloshed violently. Every time I-hyeon felt his gaze drifting towards Seung-hyeok, he drank another glass.

 

Before he realised it, a considerable amount of time had passed. He wasn’t completely drunk, merely pleasantly light-headed. Eun-ho, on the other hand, had already reached the point of resting his head against the wall.

 

With his eyes closed and his face twisted into a frown, he continued muttering to himself.

 

“Cha Do-hyeon… That bastard Cha Do-hyeon… Fucking annoying bastard…”

 

I-hyeon searched Eun-ho’s coat pocket, retrieved his phone, and sent a message to the person whose name he kept repeating drunkenly. Yeo Eun-ho’s drunk. Come and get him. Less than a minute later, his phone rang.

 

The name appearing on the screen was so familiar that I-hyeon was sick of seeing it.

 

“Yeah, Cha Do-hyeon.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“I’m in Asan-dong. Bi Barbecue Restaurant.”

 

“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Keep him there.”

 

The call ended abruptly before I-hyeon could say anything else. He frowned briefly, slipped the phone away, paid the bill and returned to help Eun-ho out of the restaurant.

 

“Oi, Yeo Eun-ho. Put some strength into your legs and try walking properly.”

 

“Let’s go for round two! Round two! Let’s drink until we fucking die tonight!”

 

Supporting someone nearly a head taller than himself was no easy task. I-hyeon somehow managed to restrain Eun-ho, who kept demanding a second round, while waiting for Do-hyeon to arrive. The cold wind made the alcohol seem to hit him harder.

 

His nose felt cold, yet his cheeks were strangely hot. He decided that as soon as Eun-ho had been collected, he should head straight home himself.

 

“Heyyy, Kwon I-hyeon… My friend, Kwon I-hyeon…”

 

Eun-ho, who’d been leaning against the wall and mumbling continuously, suddenly staggered towards him with unfocused eyes and wrapped his arms around him. I-hyeon sighed and gave his back a few half-hearted pats. Just then, a black foreign car came to an abrupt stop directly in front of them.

 

The man who emerged from the driver’s seat strode towards them and immediately pulled Eun-ho out of I-hyeon’s arms. Eun-ho narrowed his eyes. When he recognised the person standing before him, his face twisted into a scowl.

 

“What the hell, Cha Do-hyeon? Why the fuck are you here, huh?”

 

Do-hyeon ignored Eun-ho and looked down at I-hyeon while supporting the drunken man with an arm around him. Perhaps he’d come straight from work. He was dressed neatly in business attire, with his hair swept back, giving him a particularly polished appearance.

 

He frowned and let out a sigh, as though struggling to suppress his anger.

 

“How much did he drink?”

 

“Three bottles.”

 

I-hyeon answered calmly, rolling his newly freed shoulder as he took out a cigarette and placed it between his lips.

 

“Oi, let go of me! I’m going for round two with Kwon I-hyeon! Round two!”

 

Practically carrying the struggling Eun-ho, Do-hyeon simply told I-hyeon he was leaving and headed towards his parked car. I-hyeon watched blankly as Do-hyeon opened the rear door and shoved Eun-ho inside. The car soon disappeared.

 

All that remained was the cigarette between I-hyeon’s lips. He exhaled a long stream of smoke and used his phone to search for the nearest bus stop.

 

“Who the fuck was that bastard?”

 

Ah. I’d been so distracted I’d forgotten about him for a moment. I-hyeon turned towards the voice.

 

Gu Seung-hyeok was standing there with a completely expressionless face, staring in the direction the car had disappeared. I-hyeon hadn’t expected him to come outside and speak to him. He’d seemed so indifferent to whether I-hyeon stayed or left.

 

Lowering his gaze back to his phone, I-hyeon answered casually.

 

“Just someone I know.”

 

“Kwon I-hyeon certainly knows a lot of people.”

 

“…”

 

“And has a lot of friends.”

 

I-hyeon couldn’t help remembering the words he’d spoken on Seung-hyeok’s birthday. Yet Seung-hyeok’s tone was almost too calm to be called sarcastic. At a loss for words, I-hyeon tucked his lips inward and lowered his eyes.

 

Seung-hyeok gestured towards the bus stop with his chin.

 

“Come on. I’ll take you home.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

Ignoring his refusal entirely, Seung-hyeok headed towards the bus stop first. The bus going towards I-hyeon’s home arrived shortly afterwards.

 

“Get home safely. I’ll be going, then.”

 

I-hyeon rose from his seat and began moving towards the bus. But Seung-hyeok, who had been standing behind him, walked straight past and boarded first. Before anyone could object, he told the driver,

 

“Two, please.”

 

“What are you doing? Aren’t you tapping in?”

 

Standing beside the card reader, Seung-hyeok looked down at I-hyeon with a perfectly calm expression. I-hyeon was dumbfounded by his high-handed behaviour. But there were other passengers waiting behind him, so he couldn’t exactly stand there arguing.

He boarded without a word, gave the driver a slight bow, and held his wallet against the card reader. Seung-hyeok had already moved farther inside and taken the inner seat of a two-person bench. I-hyeon sat down across from him instead.

 

A disbelieving chuckle came from beside him. The bus swayed rhythmically, and warm, dry air blew down from overhead. Between the alcohol and the heat, I-hyeon felt as though he might fall asleep at any moment.

 

He turned towards the window and quietly observed Seung-hyeok’s reflection in the glass. It bothered him that he still hadn’t apologised for what happened that day. But even if he could turn back time and return to that moment, he knew he would have no choice but to make exactly the same decision.

 

What frustrated him most was that he couldn’t tell anyone about any of it. Just as he rested his forehead against the cold window and prepared to close his eyes, a commotion broke out near the front of the bus.

 

“You fucking little bastard! No manners whatsoever! Oi! Do I look like someone who can’t afford a bloody bus fare?”

 

“How old are you, eh? How fucking old are you?”

 

A middle-aged man wearing a shabby jacket was standing near the driver’s seat, furiously kicking the partition surrounding it. He was shouting at the top of his voice. The other passengers turned towards the front, but the man didn’t seem to care.

 

He reached through the partition, grabbed the bus driver by the collar and violently pulled at him. The bus lurched sharply.

 

“Oi! Get out here! I said get out here, you bastard!”

 

A sharp horn sounded from a vehicle behind them. Only then did murmurs begin spreading among the passengers. People frowned, craned their necks and shouted complaints, but nobody actually got up to stop the man or intervene.

 

Some of the younger passengers merely took out their phones and began recording the incident.

 

“Are you coming out or not?”

 

Bang! Bang! Bang! The man repeatedly kicked the partition door. He looked as though he might drag the driver out and punch him at any moment.

 

I-hyeon was already exhausted. Having to deal with this sort of commotion on top of everything else only irritated him further. He stood up abruptly, approached the man, and roughly turned him around by the shoulder.

 

“Excuse me. What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

 

A powerful smell of alcohol came from the man. His deeply furrowed eyes shifted away from the bus driver and fixed directly on I-hyeon.

 

“Who the fuck is this little shit now?”

 

“Oi, get out of my way and tell that bastard driver to come out!”

 

“Yeah, you! Stop just standing there staring and get the fuck out here!”

 

“You fucking ill-mannered little shit. Hey, do I look like I can’t afford a bloody bus fare? How old are you? Huh? I asked how old you are.”

 

A middle-aged man in a shabby jacket was shouting angrily and kicking the partition around the driver’s seat. The passengers turned towards the front, but he seemed unbothered. When he reached through the partition and seized the bus driver by the collar, the bus lurched violently.

 

“Hey, get out here. I said get out, you bastard.”

 

A horn blared sharply behind them. Only then did murmurs begin to spread among the passengers. People craned their necks, frowning and calling out, but no one got up to stop or restrain the man. Some of the younger passengers merely took out their phones and filmed.

 

“You’re not coming out?”

 

Bang, bang, bang. The man kicked the partition door as though he were about to drag the driver out and punch him. I-hyeon was already tired, and the commotion only irritated him further. He sprang to his feet, approached the man and roughly turned him round by the shoulder.

 

“Excuse me. What do you think you’re doing?”

 

The man reeked of alcohol. His deeply scowling eyes left the driver and fixed on I-hyeon.

 

“And who the fuck is this little runt? Get out of the way and tell that bastard driver to come out. Hey, yes, you! Stop staring and get out here!”

 

“I told you to stop.”

 

I-hyeon pulled him away again and shoved him hard, making him stagger. The man soon regained his balance, stepped towards I-hyeon and grabbed him by the collar.

 

“Hey, you little shit. Who the fuck are you to stick your nose in, huh?”

 

There was a viciousness in his unfocused eyes that sent a chill through I-hyeon, but he stared back and spoke without wavering.

 

“What do you think you’re doing, putting everyone in danger by attacking someone who’s driving? If you’ve been drinking, just go home quietly.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, you snot-nosed little bastard… Who do you think you’re glaring at and answering back to like that? Huh? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you!”

 

The hand gripping his collar tightened, pressing against his throat. The man’s broad hand rose into the air as though to slap him. I-hyeon braced himself for the blow, but an arm appeared from directly behind him and caught the man’s wrist.

 

“Hang on. Hang on a second, mister.”

 

“What?”

 

“That’s enough, before you make an even bigger spectacle of yourself.”

 

Gu Seung-hyuk had appeared with an air of nonchalance, his head tilted to one side. His eyes gleamed fiercely beneath his frown.

 

“Look at him. Where exactly do you think you can hit him?”

 

Despite his casual words, he seemed to be exerting considerable force. The middle-aged man’s face crumpled as he twisted and squirmed. Seung-hyuk pried the man’s hand from I-hyeon’s collar, moved I-hyeon behind him, then released the man’s arm with a dismissive shove.

 

“Anything else you want to say? If you’ve got something to say, say it to me.”

 

Rubbing his wrist, the man looked Seung-hyuk up and down before averting his eyes in apparent dismay. At nearly six feet three, with sharp features and a swagger in both his speech and his manner, Seung-hyuk carried an air quite unlike that of an ordinary person.

 

As the man stepped back and glared at Seung-hyuk and the driver, the bus pulled into a stop. Someone must have called the police while I-hyeon was intervening, because the moment the front doors opened, two officers waiting outside boarded the bus. They took him away quickly. Holding an arm each, the officers escorted the middle-aged man off. The driver apologised, and the bus started moving again.

 

I-hyeon had remained standing blankly behind Seung-hyuk until Seung-hyuk took his arm and pulled him towards a pair of seats. Sitting side by side on the narrow seats, I-hyeon became acutely aware of their touching shoulders. Should he thank him? He lowered his eyes and ran his tongue over his lips, but a flat voice came from beside him.

 

“Are you fearless, or have you just got a death wish?”

 

I-hyeon looked up, wondering what he meant, and found Seung-hyuk frowning at him. Seung-hyuk twitched an eyebrow, apparently displeased, and continued.

 

“What were you going to do if he hit you? Why get involved when you’re that small?”

 

It had hardly been a carefully considered decision. No one else was stepping in, so he had simply thought he ought to stop the man himself. I-hyeon answered in an even voice.

 

“I couldn’t just watch. He nearly caused an accident.”

 

Seung-hyuk gave a breathy laugh and turned towards the window.

 

“Next time you see an injustice, learn to let it go sometimes.”

 

He said nothing more, leaving a brief silence between them. I-hyeon pressed his lips together and turned his head away too. The bus sped along the road and stopped at a familiar bus stop. When I-hyeon pressed the bell and stood, Seung-hyuk got up after him. Instead of telling him to stop following him, I-hyeon got off without a word.

 

Perhaps it was because he had been sitting somewhere warm, or because the alcohol was beginning to take effect, but it did not feel as cold as before. He started walking in the familiar direction.

 

The streetlights, scattered far apart and poorly maintained, often flickered. Now one of the bulbs seemed to have gone out altogether. I-hyeon walked silently up the street, darker than usual. Two sets of footsteps echoed softly through the quiet alley. The low-rise block where I-hyeon lived came into view some distance ahead. Instead of heading towards it, he turned into a narrow alley beside a utility pole and a clothes donation bin.

 

He took a packet of cigarettes from his pocket, put one between his lips and slowly raised his eyes. Bringing his lighter to the tip, he met Seung-hyuk's gaze, who had stopped in front of him.

 

“Want one?”

 

Uncomfortable with the way Seung-hyuk simply stood looking down at him, he held out the packet. Seung-hyuk lowered his head. I-hyeon tapped the bottom of the packet and brought it towards his mouth, and Seung-hyuk caught the end of a cigarette between his lips.

 

I-hyeon lowered his head and searched his pocket for the lighter. Suddenly, cool fingers touched both his cheeks. His head was tipped upwards in an instant, and Seung-hyuk’s face drew close. Tap. Seung-hyuk touched the end of his cigarette to the burning tip of the one between I-hyeon’s lips and drew on the filter, his cheeks tightening. The ember flared and caught on his own cigarette. I-hyeon’s throat bobbed.

 

Thud, thud, thud… Only once the face before him withdrew could he breathe out. Seung-hyuk took the cigarette between his fingers, turned his head and exhaled a long stream of smoke. The silence between them felt uncomfortable, yet strangely comfortable too. I-hyeon raised his eyes to steal a glance at his expression.

 

With his long eyes lowered as he smoked, Seung-hyuk’s face betrayed nothing. If there was ever going to be a moment to apologise for what had happened on his birthday, I-hyeon thought it would have to be now. Chewing on his cigarette filter, he spoke quietly.

 

“That day…”

 

“I’m sorry I left like that.”

 

Seung-hyuk merely raised his eyes to meet his. The persistent, scrutinising gaze made I-hyeon’s mouth go dry. After watching him silently for a moment, Seung-hyuk put the cigarette between his lips instead of answering. Then he lowered himself onto one knee in front of him.

 

“What can you do? The one who wants more has to bend.”

 

His words slightly muffled by the cigarette, Seung-hyuk began tying I-hyeon’s shoelace. I-hyeon had not even realised it had come undone, but Seung-hyuk had apparently noticed first. Startled by the unexpected gesture, I-hyeon tried to step back. A large hand closed lightly around his right ankle.

 

No one had ever knelt in front of him like this to tie his shoelaces. Flustered, I-hyeon forgot he was holding a cigarette and clenched his hand tightly, staring blankly down at the crown of Seung-hyuk’s head.

 

Having tied the loose trainer lace into a neat bow, Seung-hyuk stood and exhaled smoke. Then he lightly brushed his fingertips over I-hyeon's lips, who was still standing in a daze, and narrowed one eye. His fingers lingered particularly long over the cut at the corner of I-hyeon’s mouth.

 

“When’s this going to heal?”

 

I-hyeon flinched. Seung-hyuk gave a languid smile and crushed his cigarette against the wall, then turned towards the road without hesitation.

 

“Go on up.”

 

For a moment, the invitation to come inside rose to I-hyeon’s throat, but his lips would not part, as though they had stuck together. He closed the hand he had reached out into empty air and lowered it. I-hyeon stood watching Seung-hyuk’s retreating back as he headed down the hill, then took out another cigarette and put it between his lips. Was it the alcohol? His face and his insides felt burning hot.

 

Beep, beep, beep-beep. Only after smoking several more cigarettes in the alley and settling the churning in his stomach could he go upstairs. He entered the door code and opened the door, only to find a pair of jet-black dress shoes in the narrow entrance. What are—

 

Before the thought could finish, his heart began hammering wildly. His breath caught as though he had been plunged underwater, and his ears filled with a muffled ringing. As he stood frozen, staring blankly at the shoes, a familiar voice came from ahead.

 

“You’re late.”

 

Swallowing, he barely managed to lift his head. Gu Jin-hyuk was leaning against the wall with his arms folded. I-hyeon clenched his back teeth and forced the words out between ragged breaths.

 

“How did you… Why…”

 

“What reason would I have to come looking for you, I-hyeon?”

 

“…”

 

“I don’t have much time. What are you doing standing there? Come in.”

 

A sickening chill crawled over his entire body. I-hyeon stepped hesitantly inside. Jin-hyuk beckoned him closer, then indicated the floor with his chin. Clenching his fists, I-hyeon slowly sank to his knees. Thank God he had not brought Gu Seung-hyuk inside. Absurdly, that was the thought filling his mind at that moment.

 

With Jin-hyuk’s flat crotch directly in front of him, I-hyeon bit his lower lip until it turned pale. He finally managed to speak.

 

“…Will this count as one of the times?”

 

“That depends on how well you do, I-hyeon.”

 

The thought of what was about to happen made nausea rise in his throat. All he could think about was getting it over with quickly and making Jin-hyuk leave.

 

With trembling hands, he undid Jin-hyuk’s belt and pulled down his briefs, exposing his heavy cock. I-hyeon stroked the thick shaft until it hardened, then parted his lips and took the tip into his mouth. The faintly fishy taste made something lurch up his throat.

 

“Suck it a bit more enthusiastically. Is that all you can do?”

 

“Mmph, ngh…”

 

“You were good at it a few days ago. What’s wrong with you today, hmm?”

 

Jin-hyuk pressed down on the back of I-hyeon’s head and began thrusting his hips. Tears gathered in I-hyeon’s eyes as he gripped Jin-hyuk’s firm thighs. The hard cock drove forcefully around his mouth and into his throat.

 

His humiliation felt even more intense today, and the rims of his eyes reddened.

 

The corners of his mouth, which had not yet healed properly, seemed to have split open again. A sharp sting spread across his lips. Every time Jin-hyuk thrust into his open throat, I-hyeon fought the urge to retch.

 

Kneeling there, being used like a sex toy, he could not understand why Seung-hyuk’s face kept coming to mind. I-hyeon squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“I-hyeon, open your eyes. Am I raping you right now?”

 

Jin-hyuk frowned and pulled his cock out of I-hyeon’s mouth. He carelessly rubbed the saliva-slick shaft across I-hyeon’s face, then sighed.

 

“Answer me. Am I raping you right now?”

 

“…No.”

 

I-hyeon barely managed to answer, struggling to suppress a coughing fit. Watching him, Jin-hyuk rubbed one eyebrow and pressed his foot down between I-hyeon’s thighs.

 

“Then take yours out and touch it too.”

 

“…What?”

 

“I said suck me while you touch yourself.”

 

I-hyeon felt his face burn at the humiliating order, but he was in no position to refuse. With shaking hands, he unfastened his own belt, took his cock out of his briefs and began slowly stroking it.

 

“Mmmph, mmph, ngh…”

 

Jin-hyuk’s cock pressed against his lips again. His merciless thrusts continued, the repeated friction making the inside of I-hyeon’s throat feel raw.

 

Perhaps irritated by I-hyeon’s attempts to push his thighs away, Jin-hyuk seized the back of his head with both hands and began forcing him down.

 

“Mmmgh, ngh, cough…!”

 

“Don’t use your teeth.”

 

Involuntary tears welled in I-hyeon’s eyes, on the verge of spilling down his cheeks.

 

Then, without warning, he heard the front door open.

 

“Kwon I… hyeon?”

 

At the voice he should never have heard, I-hyeon’s wet eyes flew open. Still holding Jin-hyuk’s cock in his mouth, he turned and met the gaze of Seung-hyuk, who stood in the doorway holding a white plastic shopping bag.

 

He could see Seung-hyuk’s dark eyes moving slowly up and down.

 

Seung-hyuk’s gaze travelled over I-hyeon’s lips wrapped around Jin-hyuk’s cock, then over the hand stroking his own, before finally stopping on his trembling eyes. I-hyeon saw the emotions whirl through Seung-hyuk’s black eyes before settling into a chilling stillness. As I-hyeon shook his head, Jin-hyuk pressed firmly against the back of his head. Then, with an easy expression, he addressed Seung-hyuk.

 

“What? Gu Seung-hyuk. Have you come to join in?”

 

Something inside the plastic bag fell to the floor. Then a low, subdued voice rang out.

 

“…No.”

 

“Use him all you like.”

 

Bang!

 

The door slammed shut. Jin-hyuk gave a small snigger and drove his hips forwards with another brutal thrust. I-hyeon squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his hands so tightly that his nails dug into his palms.

 

What had happened nine years ago flashed before his eyes. Despair surged through him at the thought of what he had done to Gu Seung-hyuk all over again. Even then, Gu Jin-hyuk’s snickering frightened him, and belated regret washed over him as he wondered where everything had gone wrong.

 

The tears trembling at the edges of his eyes spilt down his cheeks. The feeling spreading through him, wrapping around his entire body, was a misery unlike anything he had ever known.

 

“What’s this?”

 

Afterwards, as Gu Jin-hyuk adjusted the heels of his shoes in the entrance, he nudged the plastic bag on the floor with his foot. A lip balm and a tube of skin ointment rolled out. With a snort, he stamped down on them, then opened the front door and turned towards I-hyeon.

 

“I’ll be in touch.”

 

The door closed, and the sharp click of his footsteps faded away. Both I-hyeon’s body and his mind were in ruins. Sitting blankly on the bed, he looked at the crushed ointment and lip balm.

 

The translucent ointment, split open and smeared into a mess, seemed to resemble him. He straightened his clothes, dragged both hands down his face and finally picked up his phone. After hesitating, he dialled Seung-hyuk’s number, but the call went unanswered.

 

Would things have been a little different if he had told Gu Seung-hyuk from the beginning and asked for help? Even if Seung-hyuk answered, he had no idea what he could say, but he waited for the call to connect as though clutching at a lifeline.

 

He knew it was a pointless hypothetical, yet his mind would not settle. He tried to tell himself that if he could catch Seung-hyuk now and explain everything slowly, perhaps he would understand. But he kept remembering the eyes that had hardened at the sight of him, turning beyond cold into something murderous.

 

He dialled again, but all he received was the same impersonal message saying the call could not be answered. I-hyeon lowered his tear-soaked eyes.

 

“The person you are calling is unavailable. You will be transferred to voicemail. Charges will apply after the tone.”

 

He could not get through the following day either. By then, it was clear that Seung-hyuk was deliberately ignoring his calls. I-hyeon sat with his eyes lowered, picking at a hangnail, before suddenly getting up and putting on his clothes. He did not know what he could say, or how much he could tell him. All he could think was that he had to see Seung-hyuk first.

 

Without a plan, I-hyeon boarded a bus towards Seung-hyuk’s apartment building. Remembering the long wait when he had gone to the office last time, he chose his home instead.

 

He could feel the suited security guard giving him an odd look, but he ignored it and sat in the lobby, waiting for Seung-hyuk to come down. A considerable time passed before a car pulled up outside the entrance and two men dressed in black took their places beside it. The moment he saw them, he instinctively knew they were Gu Seung-hyuk’s men. Just then, a chime sounded from the lift lobby, and Seung-hyuk appeared in a dark green suit.

 

I-hyeon sprang up from the sofa and looked at him. Seung-hyuk’s gaze, which had been directed straight ahead, passed briefly over his face.

 

“Gu Seung-hyuk.”

 

Without the slightest change in expression, Seung-hyuk continued towards the entrance. I-hyeon hurried after him and lightly caught the edge of his jacket.

 

“Gu Seung-hyuk, yesterday…”

 

“Don’t touch me.”

 

A sharp smack sent a stinging pain through the back of his hand. I-hyeon withdrew it, looking up in involuntary surprise, but Seung-hyuk’s eyes were even colder than the previous day. As I-hyeon pressed his lips shut and looked up at him, Seung-hyuk turned abruptly and walked out of the building without hesitation. The men in black suits standing on either side of the car bowed and opened the rear door for him.

 

The car carrying Seung-hyuk quickly pulled away from the building. Left alone in the lobby, I-hyeon looked down at the red mark on the back of his hand and pressed his lips together.

 

──── 📘📘 ────

 

Hot water poured endlessly from the shower onto the floor. After spending a long time scrubbing his wet body, I-hyeon let out a deep sigh. He rubbed at the red marks on his wrists, left by the tie that had bound them throughout, but it only stung and achieved nothing. Giving up, he lowered his head, and water streamed down the side of his face.

 

It had only been yesterday that Gu Seung-hyuk had seen him like that, yet a single message had been enough to make him come running to Gu Jin-hyuk like a dog. He found his own situation wretched and ridiculous. Whenever he remembered Seung-hyuk looking at him as though he were rubbish, profound doubt swept over him. What had he made this choice for?

 

Perhaps the only consolation was that this brought the total to four. I-hyeon repeated that wholly uncomforting fact to himself and rubbed at his aching eyes. How could he explain to Gu Seung-hyuk why things had turned out this way? He must already have lost every scrap of trust Seung-hyuk had in him.

 

Seung-hyuk probably believed that I-hyeon had passed all the information to Gu Jin-hyuk and had been sleeping with him even before that. No matter how often he insisted he had done no such thing, or explained that Jin-hyuk thought Seung-hyuk had taken something belonging to him, Gu Seung-hyuk would never believe him.

 

What would change if he admitted now that he had been blackmailed with threats against his family? He would be lucky if Seung-hyuk did not dismiss it as an excuse invented to get himself out of trouble. It was hardly surprising that Gu Seung-hyuk was so hostile and reacted with such chilling anger. Sighing continuously, I-hyeon wiped the water from his face.

 

He roughly towelled himself dry and left the bathroom. Gu Jin-hyuk was reclining comfortably in an armchair, looking at a tablet. After a brief glance at him, I-hyeon picked up his clothes from the floor, put them on, and spoke without meeting his gaze.

 

“I’ll be going.”

 

“Come here.”

 

At the softly spoken order, I-hyeon bit his lip hard and stood before him. Jin-hyuk’s eyes rose from the tablet and settled on I-hyeon’s neck. He traced away a droplet of water running down it with his fingertip. I-hyeon flinched and visibly drew his head back.

 

“The next time is the last, isn’t it?”

 

The languid voice carried through the hotel room. I-hyeon gave an almost imperceptible nod.

 

“You’ll enjoy our next meeting too, I-hyeon. You can look forward to it.”

 

Jin-hyuk’s broad smile gave him an ominous feeling, but he forced himself to ignore it and clenched his fists.

 

“You clearly promised you’d hand over the USB once we’d met five times.”

 

“Don’t worry. I don’t lie.”

 

“…”

 

“By the way, have you seen Seung-hyuk? He looked very angry that day.”

 

At the unexpected mention of Seung-hyuk’s name, I-hyeon bit his lower lip. Seeing I-hyeon glare at him, Jin-hyuk’s mouth curled upwards in amusement.

 

“You should have made sure the door was locked. When you think about it, aren’t you more to blame than I am?”

 

He could not answer the mocking words, because Jin-hyuk was not wrong. If he insisted on finding the reason everything had taken such a disastrous turn, it would lie with him. When I-hyeon fell silent and looked away, Jin-hyuk’s smile deepened.

 

“Try talking to Seung-hyuk properly. Though with that temper of his, I don’t know whether he’ll listen.”

 

Swallowing, I-hyeon lowered his head and spoke quietly.

 

“…I’ll go.”

 

He bowed to Jin-hyuk, left the room and hurried towards the lift. When it reached the ground floor, he started towards the hotel exit; his gaze landed on a table in the lounge.

 

“…!”

 

Seung-hyuk was reclining on a sofa in the sunlit lounge. A woman sat opposite him, but I-hyeon barely registered her. Clenching his fists, he turned away from the exit and walked towards Seung-hyuk instead.

 

“…Gu Seung-hyuk.”

 

The face drawing closer with each slow step looked sharper than usual. When I-hyeon quietly called his name, it was the woman opposite him who turned. Seung-hyuk merely lifted his coffee cup to his lips without looking at I-hyeon. Caught between I-hyeon, who stood silently staring at Seung-hyuk, and Seung-hyuk, who completely ignored him, the woman shifted her eyes between them, at a loss.

 

“Seung-hyuk, is this someone you know?”

 

Only at her flustered question did Seung-hyuk finally look at I-hyeon. His cold gaze travelled up and down him before he gave a derisive laugh. I-hyeon clenched his fists. His voice sounded low, but louder than before.

 

“Talk to me for a moment.”

 

The woman was the first to look uncomfortable at the desperation in his voice. After repeatedly glancing between them, she said, “It looks as though you have a visitor. I’ll leave you to it. Call me.” She gave I-hyeon a glance and excused herself. Once she had gone, Seung-hyuk set down his cup and stood too. He seemed about to leave the hotel.

 

I-hyeon chewed his lip at Seung-hyuk’s refusal to acknowledge his existence. As Seung-hyuk tried to pass him, he instinctively stepped into his path.

 

“It’ll only take a moment. Please, talk to me.”

 

At the almost whispered words, Seung-hyuk looked at him again. Yet he said nothing, merely looking down at him with cold eyes. Meeting that gaze, I-hyeon clenched his fists and spoke.

 

“Gu Seung-hyuk, I think I know roughly what you thought yesterday, but it isn’t what you think. I can explain what happened.”

 

The moment his pleading words ended, a cold, derisive laugh escaped Seung-hyuk’s lips. Sweeping his hair back, he spoke in a dry, emotionless voice.

 

“And what do I think?”

 

“…”

 

“Tell me. What do you think is going through my head right now?”

 

At a loss for words, I-hyeon worried his lip. Seung-hyuk gave a chilling sneer.

 

“Kwon I-hyeon. Will coming up with a plausible excuse change the fact that you were sleeping with Gu Jin-hyuk behind my back?”

 

I-hyeon could not escape the stare, so frozen that it seemed to radiate cold. He faced it in full.

 

“Spreading your legs for one person after another and taking their cum like a filthy slut—that’s your speciality, isn’t it? It’s not even your first time, so why are you pretending otherwise?”

 

I-hyeon’s expression stiffened at the unexpectedly vicious words. Looking down at him without expression, Seung-hyuk gave a short, humourless laugh.

 

“You’ve been the same since secondary school. I was the fucking idiot.”

 

“…”

 

“There’s a limit to how little respect you can show someone. How much of a joke was I to you?”

 

I-hyeon could not tell what Seung-hyuk was thinking, but he could feel the anger in his words. His gaze trembled at the voice, so savage that it carried an almost murderous edge.

 

“…Gu Seung-hyuk, it isn’t like that.”

 

Yet all he could manage was another denial. As I-hyeon repeated himself like a parrot, Seung-hyuk strode towards him and seized his collar.

 

“You could at least dry your fucking hair before saying that…”

 

“Then I might at least pretend to believe you.”

 

His clothes tightened around his throat, cutting off his breath. The neckline slipped down, exposing the mottled bite marks on his neck. Seung-hyuk clenched his back teeth and spoke in a low voice.

 

“Kwon I-hyeon.”

 

His voice was so tightly suppressed it was barely audible.

 

“I’m having a very hard time right now holding myself back from killing both you and Gu Jin-hyuk.”

 

“…”

 

“So if you want to carry on putting it about…”

 

His eyes blazed as he ground out the words.

 

“Don’t ever show your face in front of me again.”

 

He abruptly released I-hyeon’s collar, drawing a fit of coughing from him. Without so much as acknowledging it, Seung-hyuk turned and left the lobby. I-hyeon could feel the eyes of the people in the lounge fixed on him, but he could do nothing. Left alone, he touched the red marks on his throat and pressed his lips together. Thud, thud, thud…

 

He had unmistakably seen murderous intent in the eyes looking down at him. A great deal had happened since he had met Seung-hyuk again, but he had never seen that kind of seething rage in his gaze. Perhaps because Seung-hyuk had been so gentle with him only shortly before, the sudden transformation made his heart feel as though it were plummeting.

 

He could not shake the thought that something had gone terribly wrong. The root of it all was his belief that he could quietly settle things with Gu Jin-hyuk without telling Seung-hyuk. But what use was regret now? Exhaustion swept over him, together with a helplessness that seemed to crush his entire body. Looking towards the lobby entrance through which Seung-hyuk had disappeared, I-hyeon closed his eyes in despair.

“…Ah.”

 

A bright red bead of blood began welling from the fingertip of the hand holding the apple. I-hyeon froze for a moment, still holding the paring knife, and the owner, who had been chipping ice beside him, looked up.

 

“Huh? I-hyeon, have you cut yourself?”

 

“Ah… It’s all right.”

 

“Let me see.”

 

The owner took I-hyeon’s hand and examined the cut on his fingertip, wincing as though it hurt him too.

 

“That’s deeper than I thought. Put that down and come over here.”

 

Only then did I-hyeon set down the apple he was still holding. When he offered his injured hand, the owner hurriedly pulled a first-aid kit from beneath the counter.

 

“I-hyeon, are you hurt?”

 

Hae-won leaned over to look. I-hyeon shook his head, but Hae-won’s eyes widened at the blood dripping from his finger.

 

“Shouldn’t he go to the hospital? I don’t think a plaster’s going to do it.”

 

I-hyeon merely watched blankly as the owner and Hae-won held his hand and pressed tissues firmly against the wound to stop the bleeding, as though he felt no pain. Seeing his expression, the owner frowned with concern.

 

“I-hyeon, is something going on lately? You don’t seem able to concentrate at all.”

 

As the owner spoke and put a plaster on his finger, I-hyeon pressed his lips shut, recalling the mistakes he had made recently. From serving the wrong orders to dropping and breaking glasses, there had been plenty of little incidents. If his inability to concentrate had become obvious enough for the owner to notice, there was nothing he could say.

 

“This won’t do. You don’t look well either, I-hyeon. Finish here for today and go home to rest.”

 

“No. I’ll get myself together. I’m sorry.”

 

I-hyeon lowered his eyes and bowed his head. The owner lightly patted his shoulder as though to reassure him.

 

“I’m not telling you off. You really haven’t looked well lately. It’s a weekday, so we haven’t got many customers anyway. The place isn’t going to go under because you’re not here. Go home early, get some proper rest and come back the day after tomorrow with a clear head. That would be better.”

 

As I-hyeon stood there, unable to agree or refuse, Hae-won nodded and nudged him from behind.

 

“He’s right. I’ve been worried ever since you came in looking so pale. Don’t worry about us. Go home while the boss is telling you to. If you pass a pharmacy that’s still open, make sure you get some antiseptic and plasters.”

 

Hae-won lightly put an arm around his shoulders and ushered him into the staffroom. At that point, it was difficult to keep insisting. I-hyeon dragged a hand down his face, untied his apron and put on his coat. After bowing to the owner, Hae-won and the other part-timer, he stepped outside into the busy evening streets. He silently passed groups smoking together and people walking along laughing.

 

Going straight home would only leave him with too many pointless thoughts. Yet he did not want to go anywhere crowded either. In the end, he chose the large park on his way home. After buying a can of beer at a convenience shop, I-hyeon looked around, spotted a row of benches beneath a streetlight and walked towards them.

 

He sat and took a mouthful of beer so cold it made his head ache. A chill spread through his body. Tapping the can with his fingertips, he stared blankly at the people passing in front of him.

 

A warmly dressed couple passed, smiling at each other. Other people were out walking their dogs. Young couples who seemed to be on dates, students in uniform—people of all kinds, wearing all kinds of expressions- went by while I-hyeon sat alone on the bench, expressionless.

 

Suddenly, a profound sense of isolation came over him, as though he alone had been cut off from the world. He had thought he ought to be used to loneliness by now, yet whenever that unbearable emptiness occasionally swept over him, he still did not know what to do.

 

In the past, he would have sought someone’s arms without thinking much of it. Now he did not even feel like doing that. All that filled his mind was the desire to let everything go and disappear from the world. It had been a long time since he had thought like this. So much had happened recently that there had been no room to become caught up in such futile thoughts. And then, naturally, one person’s face came to mind.

 

Gu Seung-hyuk, standing close in the narrow alley and inclining his head towards him. Gu Seung-hyuk, offering him the gloves he had been wearing on the snow-covered road. Gu Seung-hyuk, kneeling beneath a streetlight to tie his shoelace.

 

More often than not, they had been so hostile towards each other that calling their relationship bad hardly covered it; it had felt like an ill-fated connection. Yet strangely, all he remembered were those recent, peaceful moments. Don’t ever show your face in front of me again.

 

He could not erase the last expression he had seen on Seung-hyuk’s face. Even now, several days later, he vividly remembered the moment those cold, emotionless eyes had fixed on him. Would things be different now if he had told him as much as he could first? He knew the question was utterly useless, yet he could not stop thinking about it.

 

“…”

 

I-hyeon lowered his head and looked at his phone. After aimlessly opening and closing his browser, he went to the contact page with Seung-hyuk’s name. He had not been treating him with contempt. He had never thought him a joke. Would Seung-hyuk believe him if he said that? He wanted to clear up that misunderstanding, at least.

 

His hesitant finger touched the call button. He had just decided that if Seung-hyuk did not answer this time, he would give up, when the ringing abruptly stopped, and a clamour of noise came through. I-hyeon tightly gripped the hem of his clothes.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hey, whose phone is this? Whose? Seung-hyuk hyung’s? Oh, hang on. Hello?”

 

“Ah…”

 

The voice on the other end belonged to another man, not Seung-hyuk. Flustered, I-hyeon spoke quietly.

 

“…Isn’t this Gu Seung-hyuk’s phone?”

 

The man seemed to be in a noisy place. Loud music played around his voice.

 

“Yeah, it is, but hyung’s stepped away for a moment. Hey, fuck! I told you not to use your teeth.”

 

His voice seemed to drift away from the phone for a moment, then came the sound of a light smack. When the man spoke again, his distracted tone made it clear that his attention was elsewhere.

 

“Anyway, Seung-hyuk hyung’s stepped out for a bit. Um… Try calling again tomorrow instead.”

 

The man sounded ready to hang up at any moment. The thought flashed through I-hyeon’s mind that if the call ended now, he might never be able to reach Seung-hyuk again. He quickly stopped the man before he could dismissively end the call.

 

“Wait.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Where are you? I’ll come.”

 

“You’re coming here?”

 

The words had left his mouth impulsively, without passing through his head first, but once he had said them, his resolve to see Gu Seung-hyuk became firm. He did not know what to say when they met, but he at least wanted to tell him he had never meant to deceive him.

 

“There’s something I really need to tell Gu Seung-hyuk. Please, just tell me where you are.”

 

The man clicked his tongue as though considering the request for a moment, then answered.

 

“Well… All right. I suppose it won’t really matter. We’re at FG in Yangwon 2-dong. Give them Kim Gyu-seong’s name at the entrance, and they’ll let you in.”

 

When I-hyeon entered the place into his map, it turned out to be a members-only club a twenty-minute walk away. Crushing the empty beer can, he quickly got to his feet.

 

He could not stop remembering Seung-hyuk’s glare as he seized his collar and told him never to appear in front of him again. The possibility of a similar reaction already made his stomach churn and his breath catch. But he felt he could not keep running away. Without hesitation, I-hyeon set off.

 

He pushed through the unusually busy crowds and reached the club the man had mentioned. A guard stood at the entrance. When he gave the name as instructed, the closed door opened, and a waiter appeared. Following him down a black-walled corridor, I-hyeon felt his heart racing with an emotion he could not quite name. It resembled anxiety, worry and fear.

 

“This is the room. Enjoy your evening.”

 

Having led him to a heavy door, the waiter bowed and walked away in the opposite direction. I-hyeon swallowed and opened the door. Creak. As it swung open, music and the acrid smell of cigarette smoke rushed out.

 

He stepped inside, and the room came into view. Some people reclined on sofas, drinking, while men and women in revealing clothes were entangled with each other, touching. Everyone turned towards I-hyeon’s sudden arrival, but with an expressionless face, he looked only at Seung-hyuk, who was seated in the place of honour.

 

“Gu Seung-hyuk.”

 

His voice was quiet enough to be swallowed by the music, yet Seung-hyuk raised his lowered eyes. The empty gaze sharpened coldly when it registered I-hyeon.

 

“Which bastard called him here?”

 

His low voice was cold enough to freeze the atmosphere. The people sitting around him glanced at one another.

 

“I asked who called him here. That’s twice I’ve asked.”

 

“No, hyung, what happened was…”

 

At Seung-hyuk’s words, ground out through his teeth, a man sitting nearby turned towards him. Looking between Seung-hyuk and I-hyeon in dismay, he began to explain.

 

“Um, there was a call earlier when you stepped out for a moment, and he said he really needed to see you…”

 

Before he could finish, the man’s head slammed into the table. A displaced plate fell to the floor and shattered. Several women screamed and jumped to their feet at the sudden crash. Seung-hyuk paid no attention. Grabbing the man by the hair, he slammed his head down onto the table once more. There was a dull impact, and blood spattered from around the man’s forehead.

 

“…”

 

The room froze in an instant. No one dared make so much as a sound. Seung-hyuk alone released the man’s hair with a dismissive motion and took out a cigarette. Roughly wiping the blood from his hand onto his clothes, he jerked his chin.

 

“Take him and get out. All of you.”

 

The man lay motionless with his head against the table, apparently unconscious. After exchanging wary looks, the others slowly moved and supported him on either side. They glanced at I-hyeon as they passed him by the door. Within moments, the room was empty, leaving only I-hyeon standing there, his face pale.

 

“…”

 

His fingertips trembled at the sight of Seung-hyuk reducing a man to that state for no reason other than inviting him here. He seemed like a different person from the Gu Seung-hyuk I-hyeon had known up to that point. As I-hyeon stood bloodless and biting his lower lip, Seung-hyuk addressed him coldly.

 

“I told you… never to show your face in front of me again.”

 

The gaze he met through the exhaled smoke was neither cold nor hot. It was simply blank, as though there were nothing in it. Only after meeting those eyes did I-hyeon realise that the way Seung-hyuk had looked at him before had never truly been cold. Closing his eyes against a vague sense of helplessness, he spoke in a whisper.

 

“…There’s something I need to say.”

 

Seung-hyuk merely gave a breathy, derisive laugh, as though I-hyeon had said something ridiculous. Resting an arm across his knee, he tilted his head and flicked ash into the air.

 

“What a shame, I-hyeon. There’s nothing I want to hear from you.”

 

What could he say to someone who did not want to hear anything? His lashes trembled at the hopelessness pressing down on his entire body. After watching him for a moment, Seung-hyuk exhaled a long stream of smoke, crushed his cigarette in the ashtray and stood.

 

He picked up the jacket hanging over the back of the sofa and approached the door, apparently intending to leave. It was I-hyeon, whose lips had been moving without finding any words, who stopped him. Seung-hyuk slowly lowered his head to look at the fingertips holding his sleeve.

 

“What do I have to do for you to listen?”

 

The level voice cut through the air. Seung-hyuk’s jaw tightened at the sight of I-hyeon, still as calm as a doll. Biting hard inside his cheek, he forced the corners of his mouth up and lightly tapped I-hyeon’s cheek.

 

“Then why don’t you get down on your knees right here and suck my cock?”

 

“…”

 

“Do a good enough job, and I might at least pretend to listen.”

 

Despite the blatant mockery, I-hyeon’s expression did not change. Merely standing this close made something hot churn through Seung-hyuk’s stomach until all he could do was clench his fists, yet I-hyeon appeared perfectly still. Then, with that same quiet face, I-hyeon began lowering himself onto his knees on the filthy floor. At the sight, Seung-hyuk seized his upper arm and roughly hauled him upright, glaring fiercely.

 

“No money, no chastity, no pride.”

 

“…”

 

“I-hyeon, what the hell have you got?”

 

Seung-hyuk gave a hollow laugh and muttered under his breath.

 

“Just that body of yours, filthier than any whore’s?”

 

Even knowing that he had deliberately made the words harsher to hurt him, I-hyeon felt an icy stab in his chest. Yet, as always, he concealed his expression and merely lowered his eyes, his face rigid. Seeing it only intensified Seung-hyuk’s anger.

 

“That I… over a bastard like this… Ha.”

 

Glaring at I-hyeon with a vicious expression, Seung-hyuk spat out the broken words with a humourless laugh. After looking coldly down at him, he clenched his teeth and was about to leave.

 

“Gu Jin-hyuk has a video.”

 

His black shoes stopped where they were. Seung-hyuk slowly turned to look at I-hyeon, but I-hyeon’s eyes remained lowered. His nerves drew taut as though he could already foresee what was coming. His red lips parted again.

 

“He promised he’d destroy it if I met him five times. That’s why I did it.”

 

What had he just heard? Before Seung-hyuk could even think, his pulse began pounding in his fingertips. The unpleasant throbbing spread through his veins and into his entire body. Clenching his fists so tightly that his nails turned white, he gritted his back teeth and spoke in a low voice.

 

“Did you make a sex tape?”

 

“It isn’t like that.”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“What’s on that fucking video that Gu Jin-hyuk can’t be allowed to have, but you can’t even tell me about?”

 

I-hyeon flinched at his shout, bit his lower lip and bowed his head. The sight only made Seung-hyuk angrier. As though trying to contain his rage, Seung-hyuk turned away and slowly closed and opened his eyes. Then he spoke in an utterly cold voice.

 

“I-hyeon, you really never change. It’s almost a shame I didn’t realise.”

“If you like that sort of thing so much, why don’t you make one with me too? Hmm?”

 

“Gu Seung-hyuk—”

 

Seung-hyuk took his mobile from his pocket and forced it into I-hyeon’s hand. Then he grabbed I-hyeon by his slender wrist, dragged him over to the sofa and practically threw him onto it.

 

“Mmph, mmph…!”

 

Seung-hyuk roughly captured I-hyeon’s lips as he lay sprawled on the sofa. He forced his way between his closed lips and pushed his tongue inside. I-hyeon shook his head and pressed against Seung-hyuk’s chest, but Seung-hyuk ignored him and continued to ravage his mouth.

 

Thud.

 

The mobile slipped from I-hyeon’s hand and struck the floor with a dull sound. Seung-hyuk, who had been pinning him down and relentlessly working his tongue through his mouth, broke the kiss at the noise and glared fiercely into his eyes.

 

“What the fuck? Now that I’ve laid everything out for you, you can’t do it? Do I have to film it myself?”

 

“…Don’t.”

 

“I told you, when you talk like that, it just sounds as if you’re asking me to fuck you.”

 

“…”

 

“Shut your mouth and spread your legs. That’s what you’re best at, isn’t it?”

 

I-hyeon’s eyes wavered at the words Seung-hyuk spat out through clenched teeth. When Seung-hyuk lowered his face to kiss him again, I-hyeon turned his head away. Seung-hyuk gave a cold, mocking smile.

 

Undeterred, he grabbed the back of I-hyeon’s neck, held him firmly in place and forced his lips open again, thrusting his tongue into his mouth.

 

A large hand swept roughly down I-hyeon’s thin body. Seung-hyuk unfastened his belt in one movement and pulled his trousers and briefs down together. His tongue and lips, which had been invading every corner of I-hyeon’s mouth and throat without restraint, finally withdrew. Seung-hyuk turned him over in a single movement. I-hyeon’s still-soft penis was pressed against the sofa.

 

“Ngh…”

 

Seung-hyuk gripped his buttocks tightly and pulled them apart. Looking down at the tightly closed pink opening, he clenched his teeth, gathered saliva in his mouth and spat onto it.

 

I-hyeon flinched as a thick finger forced its way between the tight folds. Seung-hyuk paid no attention and continued pushing his finger inside.

 

“When I think about how many cocks might have gone in and out of this hole, it makes me fucking sick.”

 

“Hh, ugh, ngh…”

 

“Stop pretending to be so fucking pure and open up properly.”

 

The hands forcing apart I-hyeon’s rigid body were rough. Seung-hyuk pushed another finger into the narrow space and spread them like scissors. Every time they rubbed against the inner walls, I-hyeon could clearly feel the dry mucous membranes dragging against them. The direct sensation of being stretched open drew a sharp moan from between his lips.

 

“Hh… don’t, don’t…!”

 

Ignoring I-hyeon’s sobbing pleas, Seung-hyuk unzipped his trousers and took out his penis. It had already been hard inside his briefs. He stroked it a couple of times, then positioned it against the tightly clenched opening. Grabbing I-hyeon’s hips with both hands, he pushed forwards, forcing the entrance apart until it began to swallow the tip.

 

“Stop…! Ngh…”

 

I-hyeon was nowhere near relaxed, and his entire body had gone rigid, making penetration difficult. Seung-hyuk frowned, clenched his teeth and thrust his hips hard.

 

“Ugh!”

 

“Fuck…”

 

With Seung-hyuk buried to the root in one movement, I-hyeon bit hard into his lower lip. It felt as though his organs had been pushed upwards and the tip was striking the very end of his insides. He almost retched. Whether he realised it or not, Seung-hyuk pulled back and drove into him again. The force propelled I-hyeon’s thin body forwards.

 

“Hh…!”

 

Before he could recover his collapsed position, Seung-hyuk seized his waist and began thrusting into him roughly.

 

Even after forcing his way inside once, the pressure around him was as tight as if it were the first time. Seung-hyuk’s grip on I-hyeon’s waist tightened. I-hyeon bit his lips, struggling to hold back his ragged breathing as his body was rocked by every thrust. At last, he panted out a plea.

 

“Hh, Gu Seung-hyuk, just… ngh, slowly…”

 

But Seung-hyuk acted as though he hadn’t heard, driving upwards even harder. His solid penis moved back and forth, penetrating deep into I-hyeon’s body. Each time he forced open the tightly closed inner walls and pushed all the way in, the hollow above I-hyeon’s buttocks deepened. Seung-hyuk’s jaw twitched faintly at the sight.

 

“Hh… fuck…”

 

I-hyeon trembled at the low curse from behind him. His raised waist ached, and the opening stretched to its limit felt as if it would tear every time Seung-hyuk moved inside him.

 

But harder to bear than anything else was the unmistakable intention behind Seung-hyuk’s behaviour. Every word and movement was clearly meant to hurt him. Somehow, that pain cut deeper. I-hyeon bit his lower lip until it turned pale, then buried his face in his folded arms where he lay bent over.

 

“Hh… ngh… hh…”

 

Gripping the sofa’s leather, I-hyeon covered his mouth with his arm and could only breathe in ragged gasps. Seung-hyuk, thrusting with his upper body upright, caught sight of him. Clenching his back teeth, he spoke in a low voice.

 

“Did you act this fucking noble when you spread your legs for Gu Jin-hyuk too?”

 

“Hh… haa…”

 

“Make some noise.”

 

Seung-hyuk leaned over I-hyeon and pushed his fingers between his red lips. He explored the damp tongue and the hot lining of his mouth while using his other hand to pull I-hyeon’s waist towards him, naturally driving deeper. I-hyeon shook his head and let out a sobbing gasp.

 

“Hh… don’t put it all the way in. It hurts… ngh.”

 

“You’re already so fucking used… Haa, why have you got so many demands?”

 

“Ugh, hh…”

 

“Do you think saying that will somehow make you cleaner?”

 

It felt as though Seung-hyuk had pushed into a place that ought never to have been opened. Something thick and hot seemed to be piercing straight through his body.

 

“No. You’ll never be clean. How could you, when you go fucking mad for any man’s cock? Hmm?”

 

The sex was more violent than anything before it, bringing both pleasure and pain. With the top of his head pressed against the sofa and his body curled in on itself, I-hyeon lowered a hand and began stroking his own penis.

 

“Haa… ngh… ah…”

 

But the sight only made Seung-hyuk’s eyes turn fiercer. The way I-hyeon stroked himself in an attempt to endure the pain looked far too familiar, far too natural.

 

Grinding his teeth, Seung-hyuk pressed the back of I-hyeon’s neck down against the sofa and restrained both wrists behind his back. Then he began driving into him with a brutality far beyond anything he had shown before.

 

“Ugh, hh, ngh, haa…”

 

“Haa… fuck…”

 

Seung-hyuk was breathing harshly as he thrust downwards. His face contorted at the mounting urge to come. I-hyeon, too, seemed close to climax; the corners of his tightly shut eyes trembled.

 

Releasing I-hyeon’s pale neck, Seung-hyuk forcibly turned his head and crushed their lips together in a savage kiss. It was as though he intended to steal even the breath escaping him. At that instant, I-hyeon’s body stiffened, and semen burst from the tip of his penis, which was drawn up against his stomach.

 

Seung-hyuk broke the kiss as the inner walls tightened around him without warning and ground out a curse. With his face twisted, he seized I-hyeon’s neck and drove his hips upwards with a thud.

 

“Ngh…!”

 

A breath like an animal’s growl sounded above I-hyeon’s head. At the same time, he felt something hot spreading deep inside him. He trembled and pressed his teeth into his lower lip. Seung-hyuk seized his cheek roughly and turned his face once more.

 

Their damp lips met, making a wet, clinging sound. The kiss felt strangely desperate. I-hyeon squeezed his eyes shut, the skin around them stinging as though tears might burst out at any moment.

 

──── 📘📘 ────

 

It was several days later that Jin-hyuk contacted him. On his way home after finishing his shift, I-hyeon checked the notifications that had piled up on his phone. He stopped in the street when he saw the message from Jin-hyuk.

 

I’ll come to your house tomorrow morning. Wait for me there.

 

His expressionless face showed no reaction even after he had read it. I-hyeon merely stared at the screen with a dry, empty look, then slipped the phone into his pocket.

 

He set off again along the alley leading to his home. Even his footsteps were quiet, as though only the white breath escaping his lips offered any proof of his presence.

 

Once home, I-hyeon stood beneath the warm shower for a long time before finally managing to wash and come out. He opened the fridge to get some water, and something caught his eye: the porridge from a franchise restaurant that Seung-hyuk had left there on the day he came to look after him.

 

He stared at the opaque container until the fridge began beeping a warning. With a sigh, he took the porridge out and carried it to the sink.

 

When he prised off the tightly sealed lid, abalone porridge sprinkled with sesame seeds appeared beneath it. There was no mould, but it was too old to eat. Biting his lower lip, I-hyeon took out a food-waste bag and emptied the entire container into it.

 

If only he could throw away his tangled, uncontrollable emotions and the memories of the distant past that kept surfacing, all in one go, just like that. Remembering the hatred in Seung-hyuk’s eyes, I-hyeon lowered his head.

 

What he had felt when confronted with Seung-hyuk’s anger, far greater than he had anticipated, was helplessness. It seemed that no excuse could possibly calm his hatred. And to explain the things Seung-hyuk had misunderstood and become furious about, he would inevitably have to tell him about the video.

 

But if I-hyeon had intended to tell him about it, he would have done so back in secondary school. Bringing it up now would only disturb the layers of misunderstanding and anger that had accumulated over the years. He did not want to drag an old nightmare into the open. Silence was his best option.

 

Perhaps it would have been better for both of them if they had never met again. This must be what people meant by an ill-fated relationship. And if that was what they had, wouldn’t it be better to drift apart now, just like this?

 

Yet Seung-hyuk’s face kept circling in his thoughts, leaving behind something that was not quite regret and not quite longing. I-hyeon tightened his grip on the empty porridge container.

 

After tidying the sink and washing his hands beneath running water, he climbed into bed and pulled the duvet right over his head. His chest felt as though a boulder were pressing down on it.

 

If only he could fall asleep and never wake up again. But he knew it was an impossible wish. He closed his eyes and laid an arm across them.

 

──── 📘📘 ────

 

His head throbbed after a night spent almost entirely awake. Pressing his fingertips hard against his temples, I-hyeon dragged his unusually heavy body out through the front door.

 

When he came down the stairs, an expensive saloon was waiting outside the building. The driver spotted him, got out and opened the rear door. I-hyeon bowed slightly and climbed in. Seated beside him, looking down at a tablet, was Gu Jin-hyuk.

 

“You’re here?”

 

Instead of answering, I-hyeon pressed his lips together and turned towards the window. Far from taking offence at being ignored, Jin-hyuk gave a small laugh.

 

“How do you feel, now that today’s the last time?”

 

I-hyeon slowly turned his head to look at him. The man’s relaxed, smiling face suggested that he regarded the whole situation as nothing more than an entertaining diversion. I-hyeon lowered his gaze, clenched and unclenched his fists on his lap, then spoke.

 

“You seem to be enjoying yourself, Executive Director.”

 

There was a sharp edge to the question, but Jin-hyuk only smiled as though it meant nothing. He switched off his tablet, turned and slowly looked I-hyeon up and down.

 

“Do you remember when I said you were like a stray kitten, I-hyeon? There’s something about that which makes people want to provoke you.”

 

Wherever his gaze rested, it felt as though an insect had landed on I-hyeon’s skin. The creeping sensation climbing his spine was unpleasant and ominous.

 

“People like you, with such a strong sense of self, shine the brightest at the moment somebody else breaks it down.”

 

“It’s quite a sight when those clear eyes become completely clouded.”

 

“…I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“Don’t worry. You’ll understand soon enough.”

 

The answer made him inexplicably uneasy. I-hyeon looked up with a frown, but Jin-hyuk raised his wrist to check the time. Then he regarded him with smiling eyes.

 

“I told you. You’ll have fun today too.”

 

I-hyeon had a bad feeling. As if to confirm it, the car was already leaving the city. With both fists resting on his knees, he could only stare through the window.

 

The car raced along the road and did not begin slowing until it had passed through a familiar set of gates.

 

“Why are we here…?”

 

In the distance stood the lounge building where the completion ceremony had previously taken place. It was the place where he had drugged Jin-hyuk with sleeping pills, met Seung-hyuk on his way out and had sex with him. Unlike his previous visit, when he had been made to get out at the gates and walk, the car drove all the way to the building and stopped outside the entrance.

 

Men standing with their hands clasped behind their backs pulled open the rear doors with white-gloved hands. I-hyeon glanced at Jin-hyuk as he got out with easy familiarity, then followed him.

 

They handed their coats to the attendants and went inside. The lounge hall that greeted I-hyeon was empty. Last time there had been soft music and crowds of people moving about, but now the interior was still. Every step Jin-hyuk took sent the sharp click of his shoes echoing through the space.

 

I-hyeon was looking around warily when someone approached from ahead. The man wore a conservatively tailored black suit and a white mask shaped to cover his eyes.

 

“Almost everyone has arrived.”

 

The man bowed deeply. Jin-hyuk gave a barely perceptible nod, then indicated I-hyeon standing behind him with a tilt of his chin, as though introducing him. The masked man approached I-hyeon and bowed.

“Please follow me.”

 

There was no reason for someone to conceal his face behind a mask unless he had something to hide. I-hyeon was reluctant to follow such a suspicious man. Besides, he could not imagine why Gu Jin-hyuk had brought him back to a place that held no good memories.

 

He looked up at Jin-hyuk, unable to shake his unease, but Jin-hyuk only regarded him with his usual composed expression. When I-hyeon hesitated, he shrugged.

 

“You want to collect the video, don’t you?”

 

I-hyeon clenched his fists. After another moment’s hesitation, he started walking. Having come this far, he could hardly turn back now. The masked man bowed to Jin-hyuk, then headed off somewhere. I-hyeon could feel eyes watching him from behind, but he did not turn around. He followed the man down the corridor.

 

At its far end, a door opened to reveal a staircase leading downwards. The stairwell was dim, as though it was not intended for general use.

 

So there was a basement here too.

 

Their footsteps echoed, tap, tap, as they descended. One floor below was a narrow, empty corridor. The man stopped at a door partway along it.

 

“Go inside.”

 

Through the open door, I-hyeon glimpsed a room resembling a television studio dressing room. Three strongly built men were waiting inside. Unlike the man who had brought him there, each wore a white mask covering his entire face. The sight of all three featureless white faces turning towards him was unsettling.

 

He stepped back unconsciously, but the man behind him placed a hand on his back. At the light push, I-hyeon took a step forward. The door clicked shut behind him.

 

In the strange silence, the three men were the first to move. They came towards him simultaneously, sending a chill down his spine. He had a bad feeling, and feelings like this had rarely been wrong.

 

One of them suddenly seized his wrist. I-hyeon flinched and immediately slapped the hand away, but then the man grabbed his other wrist instead. I-hyeon tried to wrench himself free, to no effect.

 

“Let go of me.”

 

Ignoring him, the men seized both his arms and dragged him into the centre of the room. He twisted his shoulders and struggled, but it was useless. While two men held his arms firmly in place, the third stood facing him.

 

The man looked him up and down as though assessing something, then abruptly took a pair of sharp scissors from his inside pocket. The blades gleamed silver in the light as they approached I-hyeon’s neck. He froze. The man set the scissors against the neckline of his sweatshirt.

 

“Ngh…”

 

The chill of metal against his bare skin was terrifying. Afraid the man might suddenly turn the scissors and stab him in the throat, I-hyeon could only stand frozen, biting down on his lower lip.

 

Without hesitation, the man began cutting a long, vertical slit down I-hyeon’s sweatshirt. His eyes widened at the sudden movement.

 

“Wh-what are you doing…?”

 

He belatedly twisted his body, but with both arms held fast, he could barely move. The scissors in the man’s hand continued without mercy. When the garment had been cut all the way down, his bare skin was exposed to the air.

 

Cold air brushed over him, and a dreadful premonition that something had gone badly wrong sent goosebumps across his body.

 

While I-hyeon stood rigid, the men pulled the torn garment off him and tossed it into a corner. Then they reached for his trousers. Startled, I-hyeon struggled more fiercely than before. As he tried to shake their grip off his arms, he struck one of the men hard across the face.

 

The man paused with his head turned to one side. He straightened the slightly crooked mask, then immediately raised a hand towards I-hyeon.

 

Smack!

 

His face was whipped to the side by the sharp blow. The instant he realised his view had changed, his cheek began burning. Once he registered that he had been slapped, the reality that this was no joke but something actually happening to him started to sink in. His fingertips went cold, and his body began shaking uncontrollably.

 

“Don’t…”

 

I-hyeon tried to crouch and pull his hips away, but the men on either side forcibly hauled him upright. The one in front ignored his struggling and reached for his belt buckle.

 

Under the rough grip, the buckle came undone, and the zip was pulled down in an instant. They easily subdued his resistance and removed his trousers, shoes and socks one after another.

 

This was nothing like his previous encounters. Fear and anxiety began washing over him. I-hyeon thrashed violently, trying to wrench his arms free. By chance, one arm slipped loose, and then he managed to pull the other one away. He seized the opportunity, ran for the door and twisted the handle.

 

“…!”

 

But the handle merely rattled and turned uselessly, as though the door had been locked from outside.

 

His face had scarcely gone pale with despair when a large hand seized him by the hair and dragged him back to the centre of the room. Before he could recover, his upper body was forced down towards the floor, his arms twisted behind his back.

 

“Ugh…!”

 

One of the men approached with an oversized white shirt from a clothes rail in the corner. The man holding I-hyeon down took it and began forcibly pushing I-hyeon’s arms into the sleeves.

 

“Let go of me!”

 

The fabric was soft against his skin, but to I-hyeon it felt as horrifying as being dressed in a burial shroud. He kept shouting and struggling. Another man came over and began binding his wrists with something like a thick cord. The sensation of his wrists being crushed beneath the binding was sickeningly clear. When I-hyeon shook his head, somebody seized him by the hair again.

 

“Don’t! I said don’t!”

 

Someone roughly clamped a hand over his mouth as he twisted and shouted. I-hyeon bit hard into the fingers that slipped between his lips and shook his head.

 

Even while he bit the man’s hand, none of them made a sound. The white masks staring down at his desperate struggle looked like faces wearing grotesque smiles.

 

One man pressed I-hyeon’s head against the floor while another fetched something from a box in the corner. When he finally managed to raise his eyes, he saw a strange object in the man’s hand: a ball a little smaller than a fist, with something like a belt attached to it.

 

Squatting in front of his face, the man forced his fingers between I-hyeon’s lips to open his mouth, then pushed the black silicone ball inside.

 

“Mmph…!”

 

The ball filled his mouth, pressing down his tongue and making it difficult to breathe. Straps attached to either side bore down on the corners of his stretched lips. The man pulled them behind I-hyeon’s head and fastened them tightly, then stood and stepped back to look at him. The man who had bound his wrists did the same.

 

Although the men had suddenly released him, I-hyeon could not get up immediately. With his arms tied behind his back and his body lying face down, all he could do was push against the floor with his feet.

 

Then hands slipped between his arms and hauled him upright.

 

“Ugh…!”

 

The first thing he saw when he stood was his reflection in a mirror. He wore only underwear beneath the white shirt. A spherical gag filled his mouth, held in place by straps passing around his head. The black cord wound tightly around both wrists hung down in long lengths like ribbons, brushing the backs of his calves.

 

His mind went blank, leaving only fear lodged deep inside him. His stomach churned, and his heart seemed to drop. Trembling violently, I-hyeon shook his head and backed away. The man in the middle gestured to the other two.

 

They approached and began fastening the open buttons of his shirt one by one. When he tried to retreat again, one of them caught his throat between both hands.

 

As the grip gradually tightened, he ran short of breath. With the ball lodged in his mouth, he could neither pant freely nor cough. Saliva ran down his chin as he made muffled sounds and struggled for air.

 

Just when he thought he might suffocate, the man loosened his grip. I-hyeon retched into the air.

 

The man straightened up, then fastened something resembling a dog collar around his neck. Made of black leather, it fitted tightly all the way round and had a ring at the front from which something could be hung. I-hyeon squeezed his eyes shut, breathing in frantic gasps.

 

His eyes felt ready to bulge out, and the corners of his mouth, stretched painfully wide beneath the straps, stung as though they might split.

 

But worse than any of that was not knowing what these men intended to do to him, and the terrible certainty that this was not the end of it.

 

As though confirming his fear, two men seized his arms from either side, like guards taking a prisoner away. The third, who had been watching, approached carrying a black blindfold with long pieces of lace hanging from it.

 

“Mmph, mmph…!”

 

I-hyeon shook his head fiercely, but the man held his face still and covered his eyes. When his vision went dark as well, terror overwhelmed him. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead, and his legs grew weak. The men began dragging him along.

 

The door clicked open and shut. Beyond the blindfold, he could faintly make out the shape of a long corridor.

 

In his blurred vision, where he could distinguish only light from shadow, several pairs of footsteps echoed. His heart raced so violently it felt ready to burst from his chest. He stumbled along as the men led him, and then another set of shoes began clicking towards them from farther down the corridor.

 

The men dragging him stopped.

 

The closer those footsteps came, the harder his heart pounded. Through the thin blindfold he could dimly see the approaching silhouette of a tall man with a solid build.

 

Was it Gu Jin-hyuk, or somebody else? Was this the person they were taking him to, or merely someone passing by? Not knowing anything made his fear worse.

 

Perhaps the encounter had not been planned, because the approaching man stopped when he saw them. A moment later, however, the silhouette slowly started moving closer again.

 

Click, click, click…

 

Thump, thump. A pulse began hammering at I-hyeon’s temples. The man drew nearer, apparently intending to pass I-hyeon and his escorts. Those around him lowered their heads as the man brushed past them.

 

And in that brief instant, a familiar scent of cologne reached I-hyeon’s nose.

 

“…!”

 

I-hyeon, who had been standing limply with his arms held fast, suddenly began twisting his whole body in desperate resistance. With the ball gag in his mouth, he could not form words, but he shook his head and struggled wildly.

 

The men, startled by his sudden movements, tightened their grip on his arms. I-hyeon continued to make muffled cries and fight against them.

 

“Mmph! Nngh…!”

 

…Gu Seung-hyuk.

 

He shook his head as fiercely as if he could cast off everything covering his eyes and mouth. Then the thin cloth over his eyes slipped down the bridge of his nose, across his lips and onto the floor. His reddened eyes were exposed, their pupils moving urgently.

 

Gu Seung-hyuk…!

 

I-hyeon desperately raised his face towards the man passing him. He met the pitch-black eyes looking down at him directly. Then, very slowly, his frantic struggling began to stop.

 

Eyes colder and more indifferent than any he had ever seen moved slowly over I-hyeon from head to foot. He felt as though he were freezing wherever that gaze touched him. The instant he met those icy eyes, which seemed to contain not a trace of emotion, every thought vanished from his head.

 

A tear he had not realised he was shedding fell from his chin to the floor.

 

Seung-hyuk stood looking at him for a moment. Then he lowered his gaze, bent down and picked up the black lace blindfold from the floor. He brushed it several times with his thumb where it lay across his palm, then held it out to the masked man standing in front of I-hyeon. The man bowed and accepted it.

 

“Thank you.”

 

I-hyeon’s eyes trembled with dreadful disbelief as he stared at Seung-hyuk. But Seung-hyuk gave him no further glance. He turned and continued on his way.

 

Listening to the footsteps recede, I-hyeon gazed blankly at the spot where Seung-hyuk had just stood. His struggling had stopped completely.

 

The man in front of him replaced the blindfold over his eyes. His vision blurred once more, and his throat suddenly felt hot and tight.

 

He had thought there was nowhere lower he could fall, yet he felt as though he were plunging down and down again. I-hyeon simply closed his eyes behind the blindfold.

 

Those utterly empty eyes that had looked down at him seemed to hover in the darkness. He had become so docile that it was as though the desperate resistance of a moment ago had never happened.

 

Almost carried between the two men, his head drooped and lifted like a doll’s with every stumbling step. They dragged the now-compliant I-hyeon forwards as though moving a piece of luggage.

 

After passing through the long corridor, they stopped in front of a large iron door and released his arms. The pressure that had seemed to weigh down his entire body was gone, but he felt no sense of freedom. It was as though every emotion had been stripped away, leaving nothing but emptiness.

 

He was in no position even to think of escaping. All he could do was hope that whatever awaited him would be something he could endure.

 

As he hung his head listlessly, someone forced his chin up. Something like a metal chain was fastened to the collar around his neck. He heard the clink, clink of metal striking metal, and then a sharp tug at his throat made him stumble forwards.

 

Creeeak.

 

He was practically pushed inside. Through the black lace blindfold, he could make out the dim outlines of the room. Dozens of people appeared to be seated around a small stage in the centre.

 

The thought that every shadowy figure was looking at him made his heart plummet again. He instinctively held his breath and planted his feet, but the chain drew taut, pulling him forwards.

 

An eerie silence had settled over the room. Only the clink of the chain rang out as he was led across it. To I-hyeon, the sound was like someone sharpening a blade in preparation for an execution. Goosebumps rose along his pale, slender arms.

The man holding his lead stopped in front of an X-shaped structure in the middle of the stage. It was large enough for a person to be suspended from it.

 

At a jerk of his chin, the other two men came forward and undid the bindings securing I-hyeon's wrists behind his back. Each seized one of his newly freed arms and began fastening his wrists to opposite ends of the crossed frame.

 

I-hyeon struggled in alarm, only for the chain at his neck to be jerked sharply.

 

“Mmph…!”

 

Once his ankles had been secured as well, he could no longer move, however desperately he fought. As though mocking his helplessness, someone approached and brushed the back of a hand down his cheek.

 

I-hyeon turned his head away, but the man caught his face in one hand and removed the lace blindfold covering his eyes. As he slowly opened them, the room came into focus.

 

The first thing he saw was the crowd of men staring at him. There were dozens of them, dressed in impeccably tailored suits and wearing opera masks. His eyes trembled as he looked from one face to the next. Although their eyes were concealed, several seemed unmistakably familiar.

 

‘Good evening, Assemblyman. It's been a long time.’

 

‘Disappointed? President Gu hasn't held one of these in ages. I've been looking forward to it.’

 

‘I've heard a lot about you. You're even prettier than I was told.’

 

Scattered among the audience were people he had met at the countless dinners Gu Jin-hyuk had taken him to. Company presidents, the head of a bank, even a man introduced as the pastor of a well-known church.

 

Only now did I-hyeon understand why Jin-hyuk had brought him along to every one of those meals, and why those men had always regarded him with such strange looks.

 

He understood it here, standing in the centre of a stage with a ball gag in his mouth and his arms and legs spread and bound so that he could not resist.

 

It had all been planned from the beginning.

 

I-hyeon's head dropped helplessly. His eyes grew hot, and the chequered carpet beneath him began to swim. But he no longer had even the strength to cry. He simply closed his eyes and let every muscle go slack.

 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

 

Seeing that I-hyeon had stopped struggling, the man standing in front of him walked over to a nearby table.

 

An array of objects lay across its long surface, from dildos as large as weapons to implements whose purposes I-hyeon could not begin to guess. The man selected a short whip made of imitation leather and flicked it lightly against his palm as he returned.

 

Each sharp swish beside him made I-hyeon flinch. The man used the whip's handle to lift the hem of his shirt, while another man standing behind him began unbuttoning it, one button at a time.

 

I-hyeon's body shook with humiliation and fear. The men, however, unfastened every button with mechanical indifference before stepping back again.

 

Cool air settled over his exposed skin, along with the audience's stares. The eyes seething behind the masks were revolting. They made his skin crawl.

 

I-hyeon could not bear to look straight ahead. The moment he tipped his face towards the ceiling, the man beside him brought the whip down across his exposed body.

 

The black leather strands scored his delicate skin with a sharp sting.

 

“Mmph…! Mmmph…!”

 

Every time he jerked, the chains rattled at length. The man continued whipping him regardless of how desperately he twisted. Saliva escaped around the silicone ball filling his mouth, running down his chin.

 

He felt less like a person than an animal. Even the last scraps of his dignity seemed to be shattering.

 

But his suffering was apparently of no concern to the spectators. The more pain he showed, the more excited murmurs and exclamations rose from different parts of the room.

 

One of the men in the audience undid his trouser belt, took out his penis and began masturbating. Those around him behaved as though there was nothing unusual about it.

 

Amid the helplessness washing over him, I-hyeon caught sight of Jin-hyuk standing against the far wall with his arms folded.

 

Their eyes met.

 

Jin-hyuk raised a hand and used his fingers to pull the corners of his mouth upwards into a smile, as though telling I-hyeon to smile too.

 

At last, I-hyeon lost every remaining will to fight. His head fell forward. He felt as though he had been thrown into a pit from which he could neither call for help nor climb out on his own.

 

As he lowered his eyes in despair, several naked, masked men approached him. They stroked their penises as they drew closer. I-hyeon could guess what was about to happen and squeezed his eyes shut against the tremor.

 

Ah. I just…

 

I want to die.

 

Bang! Bang…!

 

It was then that the sound began: a violent crashing, as though something were being smashed apart.

 

The masked men who had been about to strip off the rest of I-hyeon's clothes and underwear halted, glancing around. The spectators, who had been lounging comfortably in their seats, straightened in alarm.

 

I-hyeon opened his eyes slowly. Everyone was looking towards the door through which he had been brought in. He wanted to turn and see for himself, but the restraints held him in a position from which the door was invisible.

 

He moved his damp eyes helplessly from side to side, wondering what else was about to happen. Something broke with a tremendous crash.

 

Almost at the same moment, a fire alarm shrieked through the room, and an acrid smell poured in.

 

Riiiiing!

 

As the piercing alarm assaulted their ears, the seated spectators sprang up in confusion. Hazy smoke began filling the confined space, and the panic grew. Some people hurriedly straightened their clothes and rushed towards the back exit.

 

“Mmph! Mmmph…!”

 

Not one of the people crowding towards the narrow rear door paid I-hyeon any attention. The incoming smoke began to sting his eyes and burn his nose. He made muffled noises and pulled at his arms and legs, but the chains merely rattled. None of his restraints showed any sign of coming loose.

 

“Mmph… mmph…!”

 

I-hyeon struggled with all his strength until he realised it was useless. Slowly, his body went limp. The thought that even the final moments of his life would be spent like this drew something between a sob and a hollow laugh from behind his gag.

 

And just as his strength left his reddened wrists and he hung limply from the frame, someone appeared behind him and began roughly undoing the restraints.

 

“Keep still.”

 

That familiar voice stopped I-hyeon's struggling at once. At the sound of it, something suddenly seemed to boil up inside him, and his eyes began to burn.

 

He squeezed them shut with all his strength.

 

Seung-hyuk unfastened the bindings around his wrists and ankles, then removed the ball gag strapped behind his head. He took off his own jacket, wrapped it around I-hyeon and seized his arm, hauling him away.

 

He led him in the opposite direction from the fleeing spectators. I-hyeon had to take hurried, almost running steps to keep up.

 

Relief, anger, fear and betrayal churned violently inside him. Fighting desperately to hold back tears, I-hyeon spoke in a small voice.

 

“…Let go of me.”

 

“Shut up and follow me quietly.”

 

But Seung-hyuk's voice, too, sounded as though something inside him were boiling over and he was forcing it down.

 

He led I-hyeon quickly out of the building to a car parked by the rear entrance. Shoving him into the passenger seat, Seung-hyuk went around to the driver's side and practically threw his own subordinate out of the seat.

 

The car shot forwards, its tyres screeching as it sped through the gates.

 

I-hyeon's heart would not stop racing after everything that had happened in such bewildering succession. He clasped his trembling hands together, clenching them into tight fists, and squeezed his tear-filled eyes shut.

 

At the same time, he held his breath, desperately trying to keep his voice from shaking.

 

“…Pull over somewhere nearby.”

 

But instead of slowing down, the car raced along the road even faster.

 

I-hyeon wiped his cheek with his palm and turned to look at him. Seung-hyuk was staring straight ahead, his teeth clenched so tightly that the muscles in his jaw stood out.

 

I-hyeon clenched his fists and spoke louder than before.

 

“I'll get a taxi. Let me out up ahead.”

 

Seung-hyuk ignored him and accelerated. The scenery flashing past the windows was almost dizzying. Car horns blared sharply around them.

 

I-hyeon bit down on his lower lip. He rattled the passenger-door handle and frantically pressed the locking button.

 

“Stop the car.”

 

“I said stop the car right now!”

 

He tried every button he could see, but the door showed no sign of opening. He glared at Seung-hyuk through wet eyes. Seung-hyuk continued staring straight ahead.

 

Gritting his teeth, I-hyeon seized the arm Seung-hyuk was using to hold the steering wheel and shook it hard.

 

Screeeech!

 

The car came to an abrupt stop on the roadside at the edge of the city. It appeared to be an older neighbourhood, made up of shabby villas and run-down lodgings, but I-hyeon was in no state to care about his surroundings.

 

He undid his seat belt with trembling hands and tried the door again, but it still would not open. Seung-hyuk must have locked it from the driver's side.

 

I-hyeon kept tugging the handle anyway.

 

Beside him, the horn sounded with a sudden, piercing blast. He turned to find Seung-hyuk pressing it with his clenched fist.

 

Seung-hyuk ground his molars together, trying to contain the fierce heat boiling up from his stomach, like whisky swallowed on an empty stomach. His heart was racing so violently that it felt ready to burst from his mouth. He could scarcely remember how he had managed to drive them here.

 

His stomach churned as though he were about to vomit. When he bit the inside of his cheek, a metallic taste spread over his tongue.

 

With his fist clenched so tightly that it trembled, Seung-hyuk struck the steering wheel once more. Then he turned, his eyes flashing savagely.

 

“Kwon I-hyeon. Is being treated like that what you wanted?”

 

“….”

 

“Did you fuck around with Gu Jin-hyuk behind my back just so you could end up looking like that?”

 

“Why did you come back at all? You should've just gone on your way.”

 

With tears brimming in his eyes, I-hyeon glared at Seung-hyuk and shouted as though fighting for his life.

 

“You ignored me when I clung to you and begged for help. Why are you acting like this now? Why?!”

 

He tore his gaze away, biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood as though that might keep his tears from falling. At the sight, the taut muscles in Seung-hyuk's jaw twitched faintly.

 

“Did you expect me to stand there and watch you get raped?”

 

“…You did it too.”

 

“What?”

 

“Do you think you're somehow different from those bastards? Like you said, this worn-out body of mine—what difference does it make whether I give it to them or to you?”

 

“Kwon I-hyeon, what the fuck are you saying?!”

 

Seung-hyuk's grip tightened on the steering wheel until his hands shook. I-hyeon refused to look at him. He only ground his teeth and rattled the door handle again.

 

“Open the door. I'd rather go back to Gu Jin-hyuk than go anywhere with you.”

 

At those words, Seung-hyuk's face twisted instantly. Anger, humiliation, regret and shock were all tangled together in his expression.

 

He clenched his molars and closed his eyes as though trying to suppress his fury. When he spoke, his voice was low.

 

“Shall I show you what it really means to be raped?”

 

“….”

 

“You have no idea what would've happened to you if you'd stayed there, do you?”

 

Seung-hyuk stared into space with darkened eyes, then undid his seat belt and stormed out of the driver's side.

 

He came around the front of the car, wrenched open the passenger door and dragged I-hyeon out by the upper arm.

 

“Let go of me!”

 

Still trying to pull his dishevelled clothes into place, I-hyeon was dragged into the old motel directly in front of them.

 

Seung-hyuk practically snatched a room key from the person at the entrance, then hauled the resisting I-hyeon upstairs. As soon as he opened the door to the room, he flung I-hyeon onto the bed.

 

He undid the top few buttons of his shirt, clenched his jaw and climbed over I-hyeon.

 

“Don't…! Stop it! I said stop!”

 

Seung-hyuk buried his mouth against the pale skin of I-hyeon's neck, biting harshly as he seized both his arms. When I-hyeon kicked and struggled, Seung-hyuk tangled their long legs together and pinned him against the bedding.

 

I-hyeon shook his head and tried to push him away. Seung-hyuk looked down at him and finally let his emotions erupt.

 

“Why? That bastard can touch you, but I can't? Do you actually like Gu Jin-hyuk?”

 

“Ngh… Don't. Let go of me.”

 

“Answer me. Did you have feelings for Gu Jin-hyuk?!”

 

I-hyeon pushed Seung-hyuk away with all his strength and sat up.

 

The tears he had held back all day finally rolled down his cheeks.

 

He had not cried when Seung-hyuk picked up his fallen blindfold in the corridor and walked past him. Not when he had been tied up, half-naked and helpless in front of all those people. Not even when he had encountered Seung-hyuk again and forced out the feelings he had struggled to contain in the car.

 

Yet now tears fell steadily from his reddened eyes.

 

More than anything else, it was those words that hurt.

 

Had he had feelings for Gu Jin-hyuk?

 

Had he liked that man?

 

He could almost see something shattering into pieces at this very moment. And like anything broken into fragments, it could never be returned to exactly what it had been before.

 

I-hyeon bit the inside of his cheek until it bled. Then, in a voice so quiet it was barely audible, he spoke with aching desperation.

 

“Gu Seung-hyuk, you're the worst nightmare I've ever encountered in my life.”

 

His tear-filled eyes remained fixed unwaveringly on Seung-hyuk. I-hyeon continued in a trembling voice.

 

“Please, let's never…”

 

“Let's not meet again. Not even by accident.”

 

Yes. He had loved someone.

 

Not him. You.

 

Ever since those distant days, when he had been happy enough to tremble and so heartbroken he could almost laugh.