West: The Sun From Another Star

It was around five o'clock in the morning, before the sun had risen, and the outside was dimly lit. Because winter was approaching, the early morning air felt a little chilly. I stepped out of my room, dressed in my tracksuit consisting of a jacket and jogger pants.

 

This morning, I was getting ready to go for a run after a long period of inactivity due to a lack of time. But when I do have free time, I always try to exercise. It's a habit I've had since my time in San Francisco because a body like mine can't just lie around eating snacks all the time.

 

I stopped in front of the next room, knocking a few times until the occupant opened the door. The boy was already dressed in his tracksuit. The reason was that North had called me last night. Initially, I thought he'd ask about what happened between this guy and me, but instead, he invited me to go exercise with Jo. Since I was planning to go anyway, I agreed, and he said he'd bring this boy along too.

 

Who would have thought that after I poured out all my feelings last night, I'd have to wake up early this morning to exercise? I wonder how that kid was after I got back to my room last night. But I guess he's fine, he'll probably go back to work as usual.

 

Actually, I like it when things are like this. It's true that I like him, and I thought, "Is he really not going to let go?" Oh well, let him do his work, he can use his other hand if he wants to hold on, let him. That strange habit, unlike anyone else's, is truly unique.

 

Last night, I expressed all my feelings frankly, without trying to choose my words carefully. Partly because I'm not good with words, and partly because I was lazy and found it complicated. Just saying what you think or want is the easiest way. Before, I used to think I wanted to hug him. Yesterday, when I tried it, I realised it was the most amazing feeling ever. That's why I had to hug him so tightly and for so long. Even when I let go, I felt a pang of regret, so I didn't want to let go at all, to the point of sitting down on the ground.

 

Because I thought that no matter what, I would be with him. His rejections meant nothing to me. No matter what reason he gave, I wouldn't listen. If we wanted to be together, we had to be together. That's the kind of person I am, right? When he said he would never be with anyone else in his life, it meant I wouldn't do anything to stop him. If he wanted to live alone, I would be there for him, and what's wrong with that? The important thing is that I said I would avoid doing things he didn't like. I said I would try, but in some cases, I might not be able to.

 

That kiss on the forehead wasn't something I'd planned. It just happened. I considered it a small reward for myself. After returning to my room, I prepared for the presentation until late into the night, when North called to invite me to exercise.

 

I had a flirtatious encounter in the short guy's room around 9 PM and then had to get up for exercise the next morning. It felt so good. North had to convince him to go to the gym, and then he went to bed early, too. It's great to have so much rest. As a doctor, I can advise others to get plenty of rest, but looking at myself, I only get a few hours of sleep a day. In the end, I'm more tired than my patients.

 

The person standing in front of me walked out of the room and locked the door. They looked perfectly normal, except they appeared a little sleepy.

 

"Are you ready?" I asked, and it nodded in reply.

 

"Let's run."

 

"…Huh?"

 

"Run from my apartment to my department."

 

“…” He frowned as if he couldn’t believe it. Of course, I wasn’t lying; if you’re going to exercise, you have to run, not ride a bike.

 

"The run will only take a few minutes."

 

"Hmm." That was all it replied before following me downstairs. We started warming up.

 

Do you exercise regularly?

 

"It used to happen frequently."

 

"And what about now?"

 

"Overwork."

 

"North told me you're always overworking yourself. There's really no need to rush like this."

 

"The faster I finish, the happier the customer will be. They'll hire me again next time they need something," it replied listlessly, its face expressionless, while stretching its muscles.

 

Because I wanted some time to myself and to avoid oversleeping, I chose an apartment not far from my department. It only takes about fifteen minutes to get there. I started running but slowed down to wait for the person next to me.

 

"At this pace, it'll probably take about twenty minutes," I said when I saw the person next to me running too slowly.

 

"You go ahead and run."

 

"You're telling me to leave you behind?"

 

"YES."

 

"No way, then why would I run with you?"

“…”

 

It didn't reply, and since I was running, I didn't say anything more until we got to my department.

 

Actually, I often run into them every time I run around this area. Initially, they played sports like normal boys, but Jo particularly enjoyed exercising. As for Hill and Fah, their reason for exercising was simply because it was good for their health and brains. Studying in this department requires a lot of intellectual effort. 

 

Hill and Fah once complained that if they didn't exercise for a while, they would feel inexplicably sluggish. As for me, I feel completely drained every time I go to class or take exams, so it's really miserable.

 

"Are you taking your dog for a walk early in the morning?" I greeted them as I walked onto the running track and saw the couple warming up.

 

"Do you want to get peed on by a dog?" North replied with a dejected expression, "Yo, Phi Phung Tai, didn't think you'd show up too."

 

"North told me to come."

 

"Yeah, go exercise. You sit at work all day, not moving. If you keep doing that, you might end up with a broken leg."

 

"So you ran all the way here?" Jo turned to ask, and I nodded in reply, "Didn't you bring a change of clothes? It would have been more convenient to shower at the department and then come straight to the presentation."

 

"Yeah, why didn't I think of that? But I probably won't do, I have to take this person home first." I said, glancing at the person standing next to me.

 

"Have you asked them if they want you to take them home?"

 

"You bastard." I cursed, then laughed, "So you're only just arriving now?"

 

"Yeah, I think I want to play basketball."

 

"Yeah, let's play. Are you guys going to play?" I turned to ask the two short guys standing around, chatting.

 

"Basketball? Hmm..." North made a thoughtful face.

 

"North doesn't play basketball, it's just you and me," Jo said.

 

"Really?" I asked. "What about you?" I turned to Dao and asked.

 

"I don't know how to play basketball."

 

"Well then, let's just let Phi Phung Tai and me run around here."

 

"Okay," I replied and walked towards Jo. When I turned around, I saw North smiling suspiciously at me, and honestly, he wasn't trustworthy at all.

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

I was jogging with North around 5:30 in the morning. Initially, I asked North why he’d invited me and why we had to get up so early. Couldn't we jog in the evening? The reason I received was that North's boyfriend had to go to school at 7 a.m., and jogging in the morning was more comfortable and refreshing. Having been convinced by him, I couldn't bring myself to refuse.

 

One thing I'm absolutely certain of is that North is siding with the other guy. This means North is likely supporting him because North has always wanted me to have a boyfriend. Furthermore, North is very close to him. Before, North even suggested I give it a try, saying he had already investigated and confirmed everything.

 

I have no problem with someone supporting someone else; it doesn't bother or confuse me. Nothing bothers me more than clothes that are too tight and the weight of anything pressing or constricting my body. Like when a child's ghost sat on my chest, or when my neighbour hugged me too tightly—those were truly uncomfortable feelings for me.

 

I don't know if Ter and Mew know yet, but if North knows, the whole world will know, unless we remind him to keep it a secret. Even then, it'll remain a secret as long as he's not drunk and blurts it out. I think the neighbour's story probably isn't a big secret, and it seems like he wants everyone to know, so no one will bother me anymore.

 

It would be great if no one bothered me anymore. I get quite annoyed when someone who isn't a customer comes and disrupts my life, whether it's through text messages, in-person meetings, or deliveries. But I'm not annoyed with my neighbour. I find him bothersome, too, but as you know, I can't do anything about it. No matter how hard I try to find the right words, I can't argue with him. He just listens to himself.

 

But what he said wasn't wrong either, that I wouldn't have anyone else for the rest of my life. I hope things don't get so complicated that I drive myself crazy and exhaust myself before it's all over. But overall, it seems like my life won't have peace until he decides to stop bothering me.

 

I don't know how long he'll keep acting like this. At first, I thought maybe he was just curious because he'd never met anyone as strange as me before. But his gaze and expression seemed much more serious, which made me uncomfortable. The phrase "go find someone better" that I said also meant the same thing. I really am no better than others see me. Personally, I even think I'm boring. From what I know, he could certainly find someone better than me.

 

North once boasted to me that he was rich and successful. This seems true, judging by the car he drives and the things he uses. He's certainly successful, as he studied medicine. He's also quite good-looking. As for his personality, I don't want to judge anyone based on their flaws, as I have my own shortcomings. So I'll overlook that. In short, he should spend his time liking me on something more interesting.

 

"You."

 

"Huh?"

 

"You know what I'm going to ask, so just tell me about what happened last night."

 

"Didn't North ask him?"

 

"No, I'll ask you first, then him. So, what's up? Is something wrong?"

 

"It's nothing. He just said he liked me and wanted to be with me, and he didn't even listen to my refusal. Now he's decided to be with me."

 

"Really?" North grinned, "Just think, why would the freest man in the world, like Thit, want to be with you?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You know, he doesn't listen to you because he's so stubborn. That's why people say the world revolves around the sun. It really does revolve around the sun, but right now that sun is revolving around a star—that's you."

 

"...Oh, is that so?"

 

"That's right. Even though I'm not entirely sure why he's studying medicine, I think you should know. He's the type who doesn't care about anything, does whatever he wants, and goes wherever he wants. Absolute freedom; nothing can stop that man anymore."

 

"Ah."

 

"He certainly doesn't force himself to be tied to anyone or anything, but Jo said he's very close to his family. That means you're just as important, understand?"

 

"Ah, um." I nodded as if I understood. Now we switched to walking around the yard so North could talk more easily, "North, that's quite obvious."

 

"What's obvious?"

 

"Well, I support him."

 

"Hey, are you crazy! I'm neutral!"

 

"That's a high-pitched voice."

 

"Tell me what you don't like, and I'll help you."

 

"I don't like him."

 

"How could you not like him? He's not bad at all. He's handsome and famous. Seriously, he could help your career get more recognition, and you'll get more hires. He's rich, too; if you ever want to work, he can support you, he could support you for life. As for his intelligence, there's no need to even discuss it; you know what he studied."

 

"Yeah, neutral, but it's leaning too much towards that side," I said, and North burst out laughing, adding cheerfully.

 

"No, I'll talk about his flaws too. One obvious flaw is that he talks in a way even dogs wouldn't listen to; his language is extremely vulgar. He speaks rudely, crudely, and violently, doesn't listen to anyone, and only does what he wants. If he's not happy, he curses immediately; if he's angry, he'll punch. He's hot-tempered, doesn't know how to yield to anyone, has low patience, is easily irritated, and is thick-skinned."

 

"He looks like North, doesn't he?"

 

"Huh? Are you saying I look like him? Phi Phung Tai, I thought you were my best friend, but I never imagined you'd be such a jerk. Go die!" North said, shaking my shoulder.

 

"I'm talking about that hot-tempered, quick-tempered nature; the tendency to swear when things don't go their way, to resort to violence and rudeness when they're really angry."

 

"I have a short temper?" The person next to him frowned in disbelief.

 

"Try asking everyone North punched in the face."

 

"What? How do you know?"

 

"Ter tells me all the time. North is always getting into trouble with other people, and it's impossible to stop him, so they have to bring North's boyfriend to threaten him before he'll listen."

 

"I can't play with Ter anymore. That day, when he was hanging laundry on the balcony, I should have pushed him down to his death."

 

"If you do that, Ter will definitely become a ghost and haunt North."

 

"Yeah, I wouldn't do that. Just the thought of it being a human being is already disturbing," North said.

 

"North, do you really think threatening your boyfriend will work? Are you really afraid of your boyfriend ?"

I asked.

 

"Oh, don't say that. This is called love. I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I don't want him to be angry or unhappy, that's why I'm doing this. When he's angry, he's really scary, so whatever can be resolved, we should resolve it." North said in a gentle tone that made me smile along.

 

"Seeing North go crazy like this, it suddenly makes me realise how strange love really is. It's truly hard to understand."

 

"Really? I think it's simple."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I'm someone who sees things simply. For me, love is love, and everything else is something else. It's not strange to be afraid; just be afraid because there's no guarantee it won't happen. Just ask yourself if you can accept what you're afraid of if it happens."

 

“…”

 

"There has to be someone who makes us feel that way, wanting to love them so much that we forget our fears."

 

“…”

 

"Wow, I look so cool!"

 

"Did North think that way when you first fell in love with him?"

 

"Yeah, I've told you before that when I first met Jo, I was fighting with my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, and Jo helped me out. I was still hurting over my ex, but I didn't fall in love with Jo to forget her. At that time, my ex wasn't on my mind because Jo was there. After that, there was a lot of news about Jo, and everyone warned me not to get involved, but I didn't listen. I just thought I liked him, I wanted to be with him, I wanted to love him, that's all. Even if he leaves me tomorrow, I won't regret my decision to love him, because the time we spent together was truly wonderful."

 

"...Ah, I see. Because North is the type to jump into everything, right?"

 

"Yeah, Thit is just like me. He's probably banging his head against the wall right now because of you."

 

“…”

 

"So why am I suddenly telling you my story? Never mind, it's just a small example to show you that, for me, love isn't that difficult. The reason you don't want to open up to anyone is that you're afraid of ending up like that jerk, I understand. But why let him hurt you like that all the time?"

 

"Keep hurting yourself? What do you mean?"

 

"It wasn't enough that he deceived you once; he also made you miss out on opportunities to meet good people, people who are willing to love and care for you. Why let someone you said you no longer care about haunt you like this?"

 

“…”

 

"If you say you don't care, then forget everything about it. Forget everything it did. You're still scared because of what happened, aren't you?"

 

“…”

 

North's words left me speechless. I'd never thought about it, but maybe North was right. If I'd said I didn't care about him anymore, why was he still haunting me? If I'd said I'd moved on, why hadn't the wound he left healed? Why could he hurt me again?

 

"What North said is true... I thought I had moved on from him, but how can I let go when I still have the wound he left in my heart? Thank you."

 

"Why thank me?"

 

"If North hadn't said anything, I really wouldn't have realised it. Now I feel a little uncomfortable knowing that I'm still letting him hurt me with things from the past."

 

"I never said that, did I?"

 

"Never." I shook my head.

 

"Hey, why didn't I tell you? This is basic information."

 

"Maybe he forgot; North is very forgetful."

 

"Oh, really? And how are things now? Are you feeling better?"

 

"It's… okay. If I weren't afraid of being hurt like before, I'd probably feel better."

 

"And you'll open up to my brother, too, right?" North asked excitedly.

 

"But overcoming old wounds doesn't necessarily mean you'll be able to open your heart again."

 

"Why is that!"

 

"Because I don't like him."

 

"Oh, you're unbelievable! You just finished praising how great he is. His flaws don't matter as long as you accept him; accepting his shortcomings isn't a problem either."

 

"I don't have a problem with swearing or anything like that, but... well, I think it's more comfortable being alone."

 

"Oh, but the story about that guy is already clear, right?" North asked, raising an eyebrow. I nodded in response.

 

"The reluctance to open up because of past wounds is probably no longer an excuse. The only reason now is that I prefer being alone."

 

"Well, I don't know, but if one day you realise that having someone by your side is better than being alone, would you open your heart to them?"

 

"Better to be alone… Well, I can't imagine how much better it would be."

 

"That's his job, he has to make you realise that having him around is better. Anyway, your Thit must have bought me a drink already, right?"

 

"So he hired you?"

 

"No way! I'm neutral! Do you understand?"

"Hmm, I understand. Neutrality is neutrality."

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

"So, will your wife be on my side?" I asked while still playing basketball with Jo. Even though I'm the soccer team captain, my basketball skills aren't bad either. Just look at how breathless Jo is. I was breathing just as heavily, but the score hadn't budged yet. It was so frustrating!

 

"Try treating him to a drink once or twice, and he’ll  be completely on your side."

 

"Really?"

 

"That's true, but that alone is enough to make me side with you."

 

"Why is that?"

 

"Well, I'm already on your side," Jo replied, trying to snatch the ball from my hands. He said that, but his eyes were fixed on the ball. I stretched a little, one hand still skillfully juggling the ball, the other pulling up my shirt to wipe away the sweat. "You're being too careful, you bastard."

 

Before he could win the ball, I chased him and continued struggling with him. To be honest, this situation had been going on for several minutes already.

 

"Just give me a point, I'm out of breath."

 

"I'm breathing heavily too, but not as heavily as a dog."

 

"You bastard." I laughed, "So what do you think about people who still have old wounds? I told you, I'm not like that."

 

"I don't know. If he’s too obsessed, why don't you try killing that guy? Maybe he’ll feel better."

 

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I just beat him up so badly he ended up in the hospital, but maybe that wasn't enough. And how could I possibly kill someone who's already in the hospital?"

 

"Take him to Fah's hospital so he can help you. I think it's simple."

 

"Hey, you bastard, how did you even come up with this? If we get caught, we're finished!"

 

I couldn't stop laughing when I saw the two of them talking nonsense as if it were serious. Of course, it was just a joke, you idiot. Anyone who took it seriously was fooled.

 

"It's alright, Fah probably won't think too much of it."

 

"Really? Does he still play with us?"

 

"I guess we'll still play along. As long as we fail him once or twice, we'll still be friends. We can even consult Hill because he's related to us and we're business partners."

 

"A hospital partner, you mean?"

 

"Gambling partners. How annoying!"

 

"But you're my gambling partner, I remember."

 

"Let's just call it a casino, that sounds fancy."

 

"That's a violation of the rules; it's unacceptable."

 

"Honestly, have you kept any of the five precepts?"

 

"What are the precepts? Oh wait, I'm not a Buddhist, so I don't need to observe them."

 

"Yeah, that's right, me too."

 

"So, you having a stake in the casino is no problem, right?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Yes, exactly. Like, it's okay if you steal someone's wife," Jo said.

 

"That's not right, she's married and didn't tell me," I muttered angrily, recalling my past misunderstanding about getting involved with someone else's wife. I won, but it ended with a night in jail for fighting and property damage. Not wanting to deal with Direk's nagging, I asked Jo to bail me out. He teased me about it for a whole month. Damn it, she's married and didn't tell me!

 

“…”

 

“Haha, you idiot!” Jo burst out laughing, his voice echoing everywhere. “You’re so clueless, so clueless you even ended up in jail. Damn it, calling me in the middle of the night, ‘Jo, wake up, I’m in jail, come bail me out.’ I thought you got caught because your urine test showed it was purple, but it turns out you beat up someone’s husband and ended up locked in a cell. It’s unbelievable.”

 

"My urine isn't purple, it's rainbow-colored, I'm telling you the truth."

 

"What kind of person has rainbow-colored urine? Utterly stupid! Talking to you is just nonsense."

 

"It's only because you're such a goofball that we're a good match," I said, still laughing, until Jo looked towards the door to the practice room. I turned around and saw them go in, looking completely unfazed. "Why do you look so tired?" I thought.

 

"I don't think they're running, they're just walking."

 

"Oh, and you even invited me to go running with you."

 

"Honestly, he always sneaks out for walks. The only reason he’s willing to exercise is that I bought him new shoes."

 

"Oh, so your wife was touched and agreed to run with you? That's definitely worth the money, isn't it?"

 

"Exactly." Jo nodded, dropping the ball to the ground as he spoke. We walked towards the first-floor stands where the two newcomers were sitting. I sat down next to the short guy.

 

"Are you tired?" I asked. It nodded in response and handed me a bottle of water. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, really? You like me already?"

 

"Calm down, they're just buying you water. You idiot!" North interrupted.

 

"North asked me to buy it," the person who handed me the bottle of water replied. I shrugged indifferently, opened the bottle, and took a drink.

 

"So what? In the end, you're the one who bought it for me anyway."

 

I said that, then turned to look directly into the person sitting next to me's face. They slightly raised their head and looked back at me. I gently stroked their hair and gave them a bright smile.

 

"Thank you."

“…”