Theory of Love

Special 3 The Perks of Being Together

 

Mini special 1

 

Humans' relationships are like movies. Friendship movies are friends. Family movies are families. Romantic movies are lovers. But for a certain person, I didn't know how to categorise him.

 

Maybe..I could categorise him as a psychological thriller movie set in a locked room.

 

Click! Click!

"Good. Lift your hand and run your fingers through your hair. Yeah, like that."

 

Click!

"Look straight at the camera, and bend down a little. Ah, that's great." The lens zooming in on the model's body wasn't what I cared about. It was her big tits bulging out of her black bra that drew my attention through the camera focus.

 

"How should I pose now? Too, tell me."

 

"Lie down on the bed. I'll take some nice shots." My eyes followed the slender figure. She lay down on her back on the bed. I didn't waste a second and followed, hovering above her, then held up the camera to my eyes. This angle was really good; not only the photo, but so was my feeling.

 

Click!

"Lift your leg. Bend down on the bed and turn your face to the camera."

 

"Too."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Can we stop shooting now?" A sweet voice asked pleadingly. I lowered the camera from my eyes, looked at her face, and then asked her with the smile of someone experienced.

 

"If we stop shooting, then what else should we do?"

 

"You know what we should do." Whoa, how lucky! As far as I knew, there were strawberry-flavoured condoms on my bedhead, and so we could have fun in broad daylight today.

 

To me, relationships are like erotic movies. No matter how many hours or years they last, they're still erotic stones.

 

You know why? Every relationship I'd had had no love in it. It was just an infatuation...And that infatuation led me to have sex... so many times that I'd lost count.

 

"Too, let's go watch movie reviews tomorrow." Bone asked me in the lecture room. The event he'd mentioned was Thursday Theatre, which Film Kids were familiar with. It was held every Thursday for participants to comment on the movies.

 

"Um...Okay. I heard they're planning to auction CDs to increase the budget for the stage play."

 

"What about you, Third? Wanna go?"

 

"What's on?"

 

"Lost in Translation."

 

"Count me in."

 

"Hey, I'll go, too! What the hell? Why didn't you ask me?" I was fricking annoyed with a sucker like Khai. He was trying so hard to hit on Third that sometimes it seemed overdramatic. I didn't really want to say that it was gonna be extremely difficult for those two to end up together.

 

If you asked me who I was with, I'd say I took Third's side, of course. I'd been helping him with everything, from when his love graph had dropped too far to be seen until now that things have started to get better.

 

"See you tomorrow then."

 

"Okay."

 

I went back to my room and rummaged through the piles of old CDs, picking some to put up for auction. I found one movie I'd kept at the bottom of the box. Third knew I loved this movie but didn't want to tell anyone since it was a romantic movie. I didn't usually watch this type of movie, but, strangely, I liked this one and kept it. It was The Perks of Being a Wallflower.' You could say it was a romantic coming-of-age movie because it took me back to the days when I went through the stages of being a kid, then a teenager, then a university student.

 

There was a secret I'd never told anyone. The reason why I liked this movie was...A girl.

 

She wasn't my first love, but it was my dream to be part of her life. If the reason why I'd chosen to study Comm Arts was a passion, then the reason why I was into photography was her. There was her handwriting in my friendship notebook, written when I was in twelfth grade. It was a memory. Whenever I opened that notebook, her face would appear in my head. If you asked me where she was right now, I could only say that she wasn't so far away. She was in the same faculty. Nobody knew about this, not even Third, because I was afraid the person who would get hurt wouldn't be me but Lin.

 

Lalita, Grade 12, Room 1, one of the top ten outstanding academic performance students. It's the way it is. We have to experience disappointment sometimes in our lives. No matter how perfect you are, there's gonna be something you can't achieve. Let alone an ordinary guy like me. Since I'd hurt someone, I had to learn to live with the pain myself as well.

 

Thursday Theatre was livelier than usual today because there was a CD auction to raise funds for the annual Comm Arts Stage Play. I'd brought three movies to put up for auction, which was normal. What was far from normal was Khai, my dear friend. This fucker had brought porn to put up for auction for fun. When I later learned that Bone was the one bringing those porn CDs to play a joke on Khai, I felt so sorry for him. But do you think a shameless person like him would feel anything? 

 

Khai had never cared about what strangers or other people thought. The only one who could change his colour was Third. He was really brave to put the CDs Khai had bought him up for auction. I thought it was funny, so I raised the price to urge my friend to put more effort into getting it.

 

We split after the event had ended. Third had left with Khai, and Bone had gone to see his girl. I'd decided to walk down the stairs, whistling, without an exact destination. I guessed I'd eat something delicious and go back to my room to touch up the photos I'd taken last week. But I had to halt when I saw the person going up the stairs standing one step below.

 

Lin!

 

"Oh, Too." She suddenly greeted me. My heart was beating so fast.

 

"Hi, Lin."

 

"You came here to participate in the Thursday Theatre's auction?"

 

"Yeah. What about you?"

 

"I'm supposed to meet Pon."

 

"Oh...Then..."

 

"See you later, bye."

 

"Bye."

 

It was a short conversation which I barely comprehended. Before I knew it, we'd already walked past each other and gone our own ways. Lin was pretty, smart, well-mannered, the exact opposite of me. We hadn't coincidentally applied to the Faculty of Comm Arts at the same university, but I knew she'd wanted to go here, so I'd decided to take the entrance exam and gotten accepted.

 

I'd once planned to confess my feelings to Lin since the first year. I tried to find a chance many times, but I was a step slower when a senior had made a move on her first. That person was Pon, a hot senior from the Film major. Their relationship was doing better than I'd expected. My plan to get her after they broke up had failed, since they'd been dating for three years. And they didn't seem to break up anytime soon.

 

During the time she was going out with that senior, I was emotionally wrecked. I started drinking, smoking, and doing all sorts of shitty things. The ordinary Too had turned into a top-notch playboy. When I'd become a member of the Extreme Gang, which was full of morons, I was quite renowned for my sexual affairs.

 

I let out my passion for photography, which I'd gained from secretly taking photos of her, by receiving more erotic photography jobs. It was definitely sensual. I'd had sex with many girls, both models and girls on campus. And every time I'd slept with someone, I'd think of Lin. She was like a dream I couldn't take hold of. It was buried deep in me. No matter how many people were going to come into my life, I would never forget her since I'd fallen head over heels in love with her.

 

"Hey, Too, why are you looking down at your feet like that? Did some girl dump you?"

 

A voice that made me want to kick the speaker reached my ears. I turned my face to that person and saw Un, my senior, watching me with his arms crossed.

 

"What the hell?" I strode down the stairs and walked straight to him immediately. We'd known each other for a long time since I was a freshman, but we didn't get a chance to talk or

work together as much as we should have. Even in past annual stage plays, we rarely worked together because our assigned roles were minor. Unlike this year, Un was the assistant director and had to work with every team, and was a photographer, so we'd gotten closer now.

 

"Why are you making a face that begs for a punch?" Now he was messing with me.

 

"I haven't done anything. Don't you have anything to do, by the way?"

 

"I don't. I was thinking I'd play snooker. Wanna join me?"

 

"Nah, it's not really my thing."

 

"Me neither."

 

"Huh? But you wanted to play it. I'm confused." 

 

Un was a senior renowned for being a hunting wolf. But I had to admit that his body and look were beyond perfect. He lived up to his reputation as a hunting wolf.

 

He might look slender, but his six-pack abs were hard as a rock. I'd once punched his stomach, and my fist hurt to the bones.

 

"My friends asked me to go. There's nothing to be confused about."

 

"Ah."

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"I'm gonna find something to eat. Wanna come with me? But you're not free."

 

"I'm free. I'll tell them I won't go. I'm not good at playing snooker." Was he bipolar?

 

I didn't want to argue with him, so I let this senior tag along. We drove our own cars, though. This evening, we went to the food store I go to regularly. When we'd finished the meal, he asked me to have a drink and enjoy the night view with him, then he recommended his favourite restaurants, which I'd never heard of, nonstop.

 

This restaurant was located very deep into an alley, so deep that I got paranoid that he'd tricked me here to murder me. This area was located in a long apartment block lined with many food stores, but Un took me to a shabby restaurant. It had only a few tables and a handful of customers.

 

"Is this place really good?" My voice was merely a whisper.

 

"Yeah, this place makes the best chicken feet. I come here with Chen three times a week." 

 

Well, I'd wondered why he looked like a kind of person who liked to eat feet.

 

"Is it that good? But I don't like tom yum."

 

"Give it a try. Sis! One chicken feet spicy soup, please."

 

"Got it," The female cook replied earnestly and went back to cook the ordered food.

 

This area was pretty far from the university. There was no need to ask if I'd ever eaten here. However, since Un was open-hearted and liked to wander around, it was no surprise that he knew the food store hidden deep in the alley like this.

 

"You like it that much?" I initiated a conversation. It annoyed me when he'd taken his phone out to fire at his friends in a game.

 

"This game or chicken feet?"

 

"Both."

 

"I don't like this game that much. I play it to relieve stress. But I like chicken feet very much."

 

"How did you know this place?"

 

"I was driving around, and I suddenly found it."

 

Holy shit! Were things like this really possible? He was a true food seeker. Oh, another thing about him that Comm Arts students knew was that he knew a place where they sold every kind of sex toy. Anyone who wanted cheap sex toys could contact him. I had to bow down to his shittiness.

 

"So, your friends come here often as well, right?"

 

"All the time. We come here after we get drunk. Only my close friends, though."

 

"Haven't you taken girls here?" I sounded him out. There were many types of playboys, and most of them were on bad terms because of girls. Good things Un and I weren't like that.

 

"Do you think girls would like to eat this kind of thing?"

 

"What?! They might like it."

 

"They love luxurious stuff. They look down on you if the meal is less than a thousand baht."

 

"What a sugar daddy. Save your money to treat your friends and juniors."

 

"I treat my friends all the time. But I don't want to treat my junior."

 

"Why?"

 

"He's a pain in the ass."

 

"Good thing I'm not. It's your treat."

 

"I mean you, jackass!" Why so fierce? Argh...

 

The cook made chicken feet really fast. It was done in around ten minutes. Soup boiling in a hot pot was served on the table. Un held up spoons and bowls as our weapons. We looked at each other for a while until Un lost his patience and spoke first.

 

"Try it. This place is the best in Bangkok." He was fucking exaggerating. I had to try it to see if it suited my taste, though. I ladled the hot tom yum soup into my bowl, followed by

thousands of chicken feet. I didn't even know which foot I should eat first.

 

"I'll kick your ass if it tastes bad." Having said that, I tried the first foot right away. After the first bite, the second followed, then the third, and so on. What the fuck?! There must be weeds in this. That was why I was addicted after the first bite. The skin was so tender that I didn't even have to chew. I could swallow it after I put it in my mouth.

 

I'd quit photography, motherfucker. I'd host a street food review show instead. Was this what they called a diamond in the rough?

 

"How is it? Did it hit the spot?" The senior asked with a smile as if to say he was the one who had led me to the heaven's gate.

 

"It fucking hit the spot."

 

"Told ya. This is some good stuff. I took Chen here last night. He ate hundreds of feet."

 

"No wonder. I think we need another pot tonight."

 

"Take it easy, Too. You haven't finished this one." I watched him eat a spoonful of soup in a detached manner while my eyes were sparkling as if I'd just found the legendary treasure. I swore, if my tummy didn't burst, I'd keep eating nonstop.

 

"Hey, you said you were driving around. Do you have that much free time? You have to be an intern next semester, but you still spare your time to find places to eat at."

 

"I like driving around. I once got so caught up that I drove to the centre area of Pathum."

 

"Huh?! Didn't you get too caught up in it?"

 

"What about you? Don't you like to go out?"

 

"I do. To the bars and the theatre." I lifted my eyebrow to show him my cool side. Since I was a popular type of photographer, a bit shabby but pretty handsome, the line of girls queuing up to get me was fricking long.

 

"I also go to the places you often go. We bumped into each other many times."

 

"Just don't make a move on girls I have my eyes on."

 

"We have different tastes in girls."

 

"You know what my type is?"

 

"You like girls with big tits." Oh, he knew. But nobody knew I was actually not into that type. I just wanted to change myself and hide the feelings I wished no one would discover.

 

"Don't you like girls with big tits? All the girls you've hooked up with are fricking hot."

 

"They threw themselves at me, so I just let them do what they wanted to do."

 

"Awwwww. Oh, there's no more foot." I realised it when I put my spoon into the pot and found only soup.

 

What the heck? It was all gone before I could fill half my stomach. Sis! I was sure she'd put weeds into this pot. That was why I couldn't stop gnawing on these feet.

 

"I'll order another pot."

 

"Good." While waiting for another pot, Un and I ate the spicy soup until the pot was almost dry.

 

"Yum, right?" He asked, smiling.

 

"Hell yeah. It's super yummy. I'll take the Extreme Gang here when we have time. I'm sure they're gonna get addicted to this more than D-cup tits. The skin is so easy to suck out I don't even have to chew it. She boiled them really well."

 

"Do you know how they remove the skin to sell separately?"

 

"Hands? Or maybe a machine?"

 

"Nah, they suck it out with their mouths."

 

"Arrigh, you fucker. I'll lose my appetite because of you." I cussed out loud as he laughed, looking extremely cheerful. Be considerate of other customers. I wasn't the only one who lost my appetite.

 

"Here's your chicken feet spicy soup." The second pot was served quickly. Try guessing how many pots we'd had.

 

Ding! Five pots. It was very cheap, and our stomachs would remain full until our next lives. 

Before we left, I burped in Un's face as a reminder of me.

 

"Where are you going after this?" Un asked as soon as we'd reached our cars.

 

"I'm going back to my room."

 

"Can I hang around at your room?"

 

"Are you trying to avoid your wife or something? Just make up if you guys are fighting."

 

"I don't have a wife, you bastard. I'm just bored. I don't want to go back to my room."

 

"Are you usually like this?" He frowned, tilting his head as if not understanding what I'd asked, so I explained,

 

"Like, always hanging around at other people's rooms."

 

"Well, I'm usually like that. I don't want to bother Chen's wife at his room, and the other guys are busy playing snooker."

 

"I see. Let's go, then." I felt sorry for him. It was like he'd been dumped. So this was why he always drove around and tried to find good places to eat in his daily life. We got into

our own cars and headed to the condo.

 

"Brace yourself."

 

"Ah." Once I opened the door, we stepped into a messy room, which was normal for a hot guy's room. My computer was broken and hadn't been repaired, so my laptop was the only one I could use.

 

I hadn't done the laundry for almost a month, so my used clothes were still in a basket. The CDs I'd rummaged through last night hadn't been put into the box. Frozen foods I'd eaten were piled up beside the sofa. It was gonna be like this until I had a new girl. But I hadn't taken anyone here recently because Third stayed with me now.

 

"What a damn fucking mess." The person following me inside complained.

 

"It's a single guy's room."

 

"You're a shitty guy." I ignored his words and the expression he had after he'd seen my room. I grabbed a remote, turned on the AC, and told him to stay in the living room and behave, so he wouldn't have a chance to hang around in my bedroom.

 

"Hey, Too, you watch this kind of movie?" He didn't get onto the sofa, but now he was sitting on the floor and having fun looking through my CDs.

 

"Sometimes. But do I like this kind of movie? Only this one."

 

"The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I like it, too."

 

"Really?" My eyes widened after hearing that a wild guy like him had just said he liked this movie. It was weird. Guys like us didn't usually watch romantic movies or fall in love with one in particular.

 

"Yeah, I like Emma Watson. She's super hoooooooot."

 

"Okay, I got it now." There was nothing serious coming from this guy. He was ever so nonsensical, this damn cocktace.

 

"Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"

 

I looked at the senior's handsome face quietly. That was a quote from the movie, the one I'd been holding onto. Lin was one of the reasons why I remembered this quote so well.

 

"You remember that quote? That's dope."

 

"I told you I like Emma."

 

"Yeah."

 

"How many times?" I didn't answer and just looked at his face in confusion, so he continued, I'm talking about this movie. How many times have you watched it?"

 

"Whoa, don't make me count."

 

"More than ten times?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Fifty?"

 

"Around that, but I think it's less than a hundred."

 

"You're fucking crazy."

 

"I admit it." The CD in his hand was less than 50% perfect. It lagged many times because it was touched and played too often.

 

"Life needs some craziness in it." The tall senior lay down on the floor and rolled around in the dirt he'd complained about when he'd come inside. I grabbed a remote, turned on the TV, and sat on the sofa, relaxed.

 

"Why do you like to take photos? You should've majored in Photography, not Film. Were you confused, or did you follow your friends?" 

 

We had to choose our majors in our third year. Of course, Film was what I loved. Photography was what I was familiar with and had been doing forever.

 

"I didn't follow my friends. I like movies. Photography is my hobby."

 

"Nikon or Canon?"

 

"Canon. But I actually prefer a film camera."

 

"I didn't see you use it very often. You usually use the DSLR camera."

 

"I have many cameras. I also have a Leica M, but I don't use it. It's expensive, so I keep it as my favourite possession."

 

"Which kind of photo do you like taking? View or portrait?"

 

"Portrait."

 

"Can you take a photo of me?"

 

"I take photos of those whom I think are pretty."

 

"Just punch me if you were gonna answer like that."

 

"I won't punch you. My hand will be stained."

 

"Too, you fucker!" Haha, it felt nice to see his handsome face twist in anger like this. Two tigers can't live together in a cave because they're gonna fight each other. And I enjoyed teasing someone until they got mad.

 

"How long are you gonna lie down on the floor? You can eat instant noodles in the cabinet. No need to hold yourself back."

 

"As if I would be able to eat anything more after those five pots of chicken feet, you shit. Let me use your MacBook. My battery is dead." People who always borrowed things annoyed the hell out of me. Could I refuse, though?

 

No....

I got up to get my laptop and handed it to him to play on the floor, then I went to take a shower before it got late. When I was done, I saw Un lying down on the sofa with my laptop on his chest.

 

"When are you going back? It's already eleven." I crossed my arms and leaned my shoulder on the door, forcing him to leave with the question. But did you know what his reply was?

 

"Too.. You like Lin?"

 

"My friend's girlfriend?"

 

"What the hell did you do with my folders? It's not something you should stick your nose in." I had no idea when I'd reached him, but it felt so fast. After dashing forward, I immediately snatched my laptop back.

 

I felt terribly angry. The secret I'd been keeping had been discovered by someone. More importantly… Un and Pon were friends, not in the same groups but still friends.

 

"I thought you were a playboy, but you've actually been in love with someone one-sidedly."

 

"Shut up!" My anger had burned up way past the point of cooling down. Un was such a jerk. He'd permitted himself to look through my folders. I'd hidden the folder of Lin's photos so deep that I thought nobody would be able to find it. Until now...

 

"Lin and Pon have been dating for a long time. My friend even said that he wanted to marry her after graduating. But you still like her even though she has a boyfriend."

 

"I knew her first."

 

"But you're not her boyfriend. So what if you knew her first? You can only be someone who loves her one-sidedly."

 

"I'm trying to give up, you know, but how can I just stop loving her?"

 

"You can."

 

"I've been trying for three years. How the hell could you say that I can?"

 

"You can."

 

"..."

 

"You just need to find someone whom you'll love more than her."

 

Mini special 2.

 

After my secret had been discovered that night, Un and I hadn't talked to each other. And Pon didn't seem to be mad at me, so I guessed nobody knew about my secret except Un.

 

I'd once thought I should talk things out with him, asking him what he wanted to make him keep this secret, but since it didn't look like this senior was going to expose my secret, I'd decided to keep calm and let this matter die down by itself.

 

"This is so damn annoying." Khai's grumble reached my ears. He seemed moody. I guessed someone must have stepped on his tail.

 

"What the fuck is the matter?"

 

"It's Un..." This name echoed through my ears again, making me even more curious.

 

"What about him? What did he say to you? Did you know about something?"

 

I admitted I was so scared, scared that my friend would know, scared that some relationship between Lin and me would turn into nothing.

 

"That bastard likes Third. He's gonna hit on Third."

 

"HUH?!" What the fuck was this about?

 

"Don't be shocked. He's prepared himself to start a war with me."

 

"Wait, did he say that?"

 

"He's a coward. He sent Chen to talk to me. Did he think I'd give up? I'll die fighting." My dear friend announced his intention firmly. It didn't make any sense. The person who didn't seem interested in Third like Un was suddenly gonna hit on him as Khai had just realised what his heart truly wanted. This was gonna be chaotic.

But I was relieved, though, that what Khai had said wasn't about the secret I was trying to keep.

 

"Tell me if you need any help. I got your back." I patted his shoulder in encouragement.

 

"Thanks a lot. With you and Bone in my team, the victory is within my reach."

 

"Um."

 

More like slipping out of reach, slipping away, slipping out of your hands...

 

I meant his bike. Chawee was wrecked into ashes after Khai had soared to the Med Building with his beloved bike at the speed of light. You dumbass! I had to check on him, who had been admitted to the hospital with a broken leg, with pity.

 

Many guests visited the Casanova of Comm Arts, including Un and Chen. Even though we'd sometimes met and exchanged a few words, I'd been spying on him via Third's LINE account. Was he really hitting on Third?

 

I kept this question in my mind and observed Un and Chen's behaviours from a distance. Everyone split and left shortly after. The one who had to take care of our lame friend was Third, of course, while Bone and I went our own ways. But the fun part came after that, because I had to report the situation between Un and Third after I'd spied on their chat history.

 

Tatt'oo: I'll tell you here so that it won't be too obvious.

KKhunpol: He's left. If you're gonna tell me here, then hurry up. I'm waiting, Bone Chone. I'm so damn ready to know about it

 

The mission to spill your friend's guts had started. I typed lots of messages quickly with my brilliant brain. Of course, I spiced it up a bit, putting a spin on it to urge my friend to man up and make a move with all his might, but then...

K.Khunpol: How the hell can things turn out this way?!! So I have to let that mangy dog maul my little lamp? I'm not okay. No one can touch what's mine. I'm so possessive of him. So daaaaaaaamn much. I want to get out of the hospital to keep my eyes on him

ThirdThatMeansNumberThree: Keep your eyes on who?

 

"Fuck", I'd texted in the wrong chat. I tried rubbing my eyes many times, but it still didn't change.

 

"Why are you so loud? Everyone's looking at you." Somebody appeared in my sight. I turned my gaze from my phone and instantly looked at the source of the voice.

 

"None of your business." Seeing it was Un, I didn't mind my manners.

 

"Okay. I don't want to stick my nose in your business anyway."

 

"What are you doing here? Didn't you leave?"

 

"I was waiting for you."

 

"Waiting for me..Why?

 

"To clear things up with you."

 

"About what?"

 

"The secret you don't want to share with anyone." I halted when I heard the answer. I'd thought he didn't care about it, but he'd actually planned to use it to make a bargain with me.

 

"Tell me what you want, and keep this secret to yourself. If Lin finds out, I'm gonna kill you." He didn't look intimidated at all and even smirked.

 

"Help me in the editing room. My friends are leaving me stranded tonight."

 

"Why do I have to do that?"

 

"Lin, Lin, Lin, Lin."

 

"All right, all right, you're fucking annoying." 

 

Grumbling wouldn't help anything. I had to follow him to the editing room at the end. There were many studios at the faculty. The editing room was separate, and students from each year had to make a reservation to use it. Most of them didn't use it, though. They usually carried their laptops and rented rooms outside. Un was the only one who liked to work at the faculty.

 

You should know the Comm Arts Building had rumours of ghosts and mysteries passed down since ancient times.

 

"Come in. Be careful of the plug wires." He warned me sternly. The editing room wasn't big. There were five laptops on the table, which I guessed were his friends'. Plus, every single one of them was still turned on as if they hadn't finished their work.

 

"None of them has been turned off. Are your friends really not gonna come back?"

 

"They told me to turn them off. Sit down."

 

"Where can I sit?" The floor was full of trash, snack wrappings, and the crumpled papers of the screenplay they'd written randomly.

 

"On the chair, asshead. I just want you to sit here while I work, and you complain? Bought snacks. Eat them."

 

"Not hungry. Don't want to eat."

 

I heard him making an annoyed sound in his throat, but he didn't pay attention to me as much because he was focusing on the editing. 

 

It was definitely not the faculty's short movie project. The fourth-year students who were going to undertake internships needed to prepare their portfolios and send them to many companies for consideration. I thought Un was also doing that.

 

"A short movie?"

 

"Yeah, a commercial skit."

 

"What are you selling?"

 

"Sneakers."

 

"Which brand? Let me see." He sighed heavily but still handed me a piece of paper. I took it and looked at it with interest, then I saw it was a Thai handmade sneaker brand just launching, targeting university students and teenage hipsters.

 

"Fricking cool."

 

"Me?"

 

"The sneakers."

 

"Do you have the name of the skit?"

 

"Not yet. I can't think of any." His handsome face was fixed on the screen. His right hand controlled the mouse naturally. I leaned my back on the backrest, looking at the sneakers thoughtfully.

 

"Tell me the concept. I might come up with some names."

 

"You'll be happy if you wear them. That's it." Such a short and simple concept. I didn't know the skit's content, and I wouldn't ask. All I needed to know was the keyword, 'happy!

 

"Hey, let me ask you something."

 

"What?"

 

"Are you free lately? Besides the stage play, did you take any photography jobs?"

 

"There's one. I took it because the model's tits are huge." Dead silence filled the air for a moment. Un said nothing more and continued editing, leaving me alone with the unanswered question.

 

"Can you find some free time for me? I want you to shoot the posters of the skit." I got a clear answer after fifteen minutes, which totally confused me.

 

"Lots of your friends are good at taking photos. Why me?"

 

"Because you're gonna do it for free."

 

"Why would I?"

 

"Lin, Lin, Lin, Lin."

 

"All right, all right. I'll do it for free." 

 

Gaaaaaaaah! I'd never thought I'd have to follow someone's orders like this. He wasn't even my parents. But if I didn't obey, he might tell Lin the secret I'd kept for years. It wasn't worth it. I gotta do whatever I can.

 

"You're cute." He gave me a cold smile. It sent a chill running down my spine.

 

"Say that to someone else. I got goosebumps."

 

"When are you doing that job?"

 

"On Tuesday."

 

"Mine is Saturday, then. It won't overlap the days we work on the stage play."

 

"Whatever suits you." No matter how hard I argued, if he wanted it, I couldn't decline it. But I still had that question in my head. I wanted to ask him now that we were alone. 

 

"Why didn't you talk to me about this before?"

 

He spun on his chair to face me and asked evenly.

 

"About what?"

 

"My secret."

 

"I first thought I'd zip my mouth and forget about it."

 

"..." I was listening to him intently.

 

"But I slept on it and thought it'd be great to use it to make a bargain with you."

 

"You're a fucking jerk. Fucking selfish."

 

"I admit that."

 

"Seriously, what do you get from all this? A servant to watch you do the editing? Or a photographer who will work for you for free?"

 

"I got to be with you. What a stupid question."

 

"..!!"

 

I was stunned for a moment. I'd interpret what he'd said as his wish to have someone to keep him company. The Comm Arts Building was old and creepy. If he were here alone, he wouldn't be able to get his work done because he was scared. Okay. I'd think of it this way.

 

"Do you have any idea about the name of the skit, by the way?"

 

"I can't think of any. What about 'Happiness '?"

 

"Plain." Short but fricking hurtful.

 

"Wear Them and Have Fun'

 

"Is it a condom commercial?" He was a real scumbag.

 

"Tell your friends to think of it. I don't know."

 

"I asked for your opinion because they couldn't think of anything."

 

"I don't know. You wreck your brain thinking of it. How long are you going to edit that? I want to go back to my room."

 

"What's the rush? I'm taking you to eat something yummy after this."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Chicken feet." My eyes sparkled. Ever since the day I'd eaten there with Un, I hadn't gone back to that place because I'd been busy with things in my life, so I didn't refuse to go after he'd asked me.

 

"'I'll go."

 

"See? At least I've made you love chicken 

feet."

 

"So what?"

 

"Is it enough to make you forget her?"

 

I usually got up late on the weekend, but today, I had to force myself to get up early since I was supposed to shoot the posters for the senior at ten. The setting was the building in the university.

 

Un had told me to meet up with him at eight to eat something together first. But when I arrived at the canteen, there were only Un and me at a table. "Where are your friends?" I asked as soon as I put down my camera bag and lens on the table.

 

"Getting the male and female models."

 

"Oh."

 

"Order your food."

 

"Be right back." I ordered food at my regular food store and bought a bottle of water. It was nothing new. The same food, the same atmosphere. The only different thing was the person I was eating with. Normally, the person opposite me would be Khai, Third, or Bone, one of them.

 

"I've been meaning to say this. About Third, Khai told me to tell you not to get ahead of yourself." Take a look at the lame dude before hitting on my friend. My ears had gone numb because I had to listen to him grumbling every day.

 

"When did I get ahead of myself?"

 

"When you hit on my friend."

 

"Don't make me laugh. I haven't done anything."

 

"Learn how to lie smoothly again."

 

"You're imagining things."

 

"It's better than being a scumbag like you." I continued eating after insulting him. I wouldn't let him mess with me because I'd had enough arguing with him. 

 

Since the shoot started at ten, and there was no preparation because I just had to shoot posters used to promote the commercial skit, we played on our phones to kill our free time before the shoot started.

 

"If you have to choose between a camera and a movie, what will you choose?"

 

"I won't choose," I answered without thinking.

said, 'If...You have to choose."

 

"Well, I won't choose."

 

"I told you to choose one. Can't you just choose one of them?"

 

"No, I won't choose."

 

"A movie. I'll choose a movie." You piece of shit. I wanted to murder him right here. I hated it when people forced me to choose things. If a girl asked me what I'd choose between a camera and her, I'd choose to break up with her. It was so annoying, and now Un was doing this.

 

"I thought you'd choose a camera."

 

"It won't really happen anyway. I mean, the day when we have to choose only one thing."

 

"I know," he said with a straight face.

 

"You know, but still asked."

 

"I just asked, but I'll never really make you choose things."

 

"That's for sure. 'It's not like you have a place in my life."

 

"Huh, maybe."

 

"Maybe what?"

 

"I might become an important person in your life."

 

"You.."

 

"Are you touched?"

 

"You think I'm a Buddha statue?"

 

"Arrigh, no! You're more stupid than Khai." 

 

Whaaat? Was I stupid or shitty, so? It was fun, hilarious, and satisfying to drive Un crazy. I wouldn't let myself be the only victim letting him exploit my secret about Lin, of course. Since I wasn't happy, you wouldn't be either.

 

I walked from the Comm Arts Building to the Faculty of Architecture. We went there because the Arch Building matched the theme of the sneakers. The male and female leads had arrived. I liked this girl a lot. She was very cute. It was a shame her boobs were so flat, as if she turned her back to me all the time.

 

The guys in Un's team gave me the brief and prepared the set for the shoot. While waiting, I looked through the DSLR's viewfinder and twisted the focus ring to find good angles to shoot from until someone stepped into the frame, blocking my view.

 

"Back away," I ordered, not even lowering my camera.

 

"Take photos of me."

 

"I told you I only take photos of pretty girls."

 

"Shhh, don't say that," he said, stepping towards me until we were close, to say one word, and he said it so quietly that only we could hear it. "Lin."

 

"All right, let's take photos of you. Stand far away from me."

 

"Okay."

 

I snapped shots carelessly, not even adjusting the focus, but, knowing what I was up to, he was about to step closer to me again. I had to yield as always.

 

"I'll do it properly. Don't step any closer."

 

"It's better if I step closer to you. You'll get a close-up photo this way."

 

"No need to do that. I can zoom in."

 

"Then zoom in."

 

"How much do you want me to zoom in? I'll do it as you wish," I said, my hands spinning the lens almost to the max. 

 

Un's face soon appeared in focus in full HD. He looked straight at the camera, his gaze piercing through the lens, and suddenly, my hands started shaking.

 

Maybe the way we held each other's gazes like this wasn't a good idea, so I lowered my camera.

 

"Hey, why didn't you take a photo?"

 

"The light's not good."

 

"Just admit you were stunned by my handsomeness."

 

"Urgh, I never brag about my looks even though I'm more handsome than you."

 

"Ooooh, so handsome. You're so handsome, my Too, my brother." What a pain in the neck. 

 

Unable to argue, I put my hands on my hips and glowered at him. You'd better respect one of the hottest guys in Comm Arts.

 

"Can we get to work?"

 

"Can't you see they're preparing the props?"

 

"Why don't you help your friends?"

 

"I'm busy. Talking to you." I wanted to talk to you so much. I was gonna race away without leaving any trace once we were done here. I'd thought I was pretty good at flirting, but an Extreme like me was at a loss in front of the master of flirting like him.

 

"I have good news to tell you today. The skit has a name now."

 

"Um, good for you. What is it?"

 

"A Little Bliss"

 

"That's a good name."

 

"It sounds much better than Wear Them and Have Fun." You shit, how the hell could you get back at me with that? Had I ever done anything that made him resent me? Like, had I stepped on his tail when I was a freshman? Had I hooked up with a girl he'd dated? What the heck?!

 

"Guys, everything's set! Let's get started!" 

 

Good thing his friend's voice stopped us from fighting. I went to the photographer's spot. The male and female models were already waiting in front of me. Un didn't back away and still hovered around. Before we started, he whispered in my ear.

 

It was a few sentences that made me have a different feeling about this job, unlike those I'd done before.

 

"This is my first commercial skit. I love it very much."

 

"I entrusted this work to you because I trust you, so please love it as well."

 

The Pool Party was held after we'd finished the midterm exams, which we'd struggled with. Film Kids always got together to relieve stress like this. Tonight was no exception.

 

Fun music, mixed with my fellow Film Kids' laughter, was like a comforting gift. After having gone through the exams and all sorts of projects, I was ready to have fun tonight. 

 

I started snorkelling to see coral reefs at the bottom of the pool with Bone. Besides coral reefs, there were lots of jellyfish bobbing up and down all over the pool.

 

"Fricking big, fucker."

 

"Oooooooh." My mouth was agape. Were they really tits? They were bigger than my head.

 

"The target has been rounded up. Get ready to seize." After Bone had said that, we raced in the water as if our lives depended on it, leaving our two dear friends sipping the beer, waiting for us. It was getting fun here. If I hadn't wanted my dick to get wrinkly from staying in the water for too long, I would've gotten tons of girls.

 

"Too, Bone, get up here. Your friends' pubic hair has grown long from waiting." A senior told us to get out of the pool. 

 

Our friends were having fun playing games, so I didn't waste any second and joined them. I played every game and chugged down alcohol as if it was drinking water. I had no idea when I was gonna stop, but I was enjoying this so much. And then, a senior changed the game.

 

This was how to play this game. You had to say a word relating to someone in the circle. The one who made the right guess won, and the rest of us had to chug down booze. Un started first.

 

"Leica M." I went rigid when he'd mentioned my beloved camera, plus he was holding my gaze. We hadn't exchanged a word ever since the party had started, but I was sure we'd been in each other's sights all the time. I had no idea why I had to care about him when he was hitting on Third.

 

"Chen." Our friends kept guessing.

 

"Wrong."

 

"Too."

 

"Correct." Khai made the right guess.

 

It wasn't a secret or anything. My best friends knew what I liked and disliked, but there was another secret I didn't want anyone to know, which Un had already found out.

 

Then, the girl I'd been in love with one-sidedly appeared. Lin didn't major in Film, but since her boyfriend was a Film Kid, I got to meet her without having planned to. I couldn't concentrate on the game. I pretended to make many wrong guesses to chug down booze

without being suspicious. The game soon ended as time had flown by. 

 

I followed Lin's small figure everywhere, but I kept a proper distance so that she wouldn't be suspicious. She was so cute tonight. She was wearing a white-and-pink dress, talking with her group of friends, a glass of champagne in her hand. Pon was hanging out with other seniors, so I used this chance to look at her from afar. I knew I didn't have the right to reach for her, but...I still couldn't forget her.

 

This was like a first love to me, buried deep in my feelings. I could only blame myself and my stupidity for not making a move on her then. If I'd done it, we might've been in a relationship by now.

 

My thoughts were scattered in my head. All I knew was my head ordered me to walk towards her to say hi and tell her something, something I'd kept in my mind for years.

 

"What are you doing?" I turned to the person grasping my wrist. Un looked at me threateningly, but I tried to shake my arm off until I was finally free from his grasp.

 

"What does it have to do with you? This is my business."

 

"I'm asking what you're going to do."

 

"I just want to greet my friend."

 

"Are you sure? Your expression says otherwise." He dragged me downstairs towards the restroom. There was nobody around here, so I could shout as loudly as I wanted.

 

"Let go of me"

 

"All right! I did it, but please calm yourself and your shitty thoughts in your head."

 

"I wasn't going to do anything. Stay the fuck out of it."

 

"She has a boyfriend, Too. What are you hoping for?"

 

"I'm not hoping for anything. I just...want to talk to her. What about you? You're trying to stop me and help me because you want to help your friend, right? Are you putting in this much effort because you don't want me to steal your friend's girlfriend?"

 

"You're fucking crazy!"

 

“I can be crazier, in case you don't know. Why...? It's just your first love. Why are you so attached to it?"

 

"You wouldn't understand. You've never truly loved anyone."

 

"How do you know I've never loved anyone?"

 

"Third? Huh! He's my friend. I won't let you make a move on him."

 

"You're so stupid, Too.."

 

"I'm stupid, as you said. Keep being smart in your own world."I pushed his chest hard and went back upstairs in a bad mood. 

 

It hadn't been five minutes when a scream echoed through the area. I tried to find the source of the voice and realised it was coming from someone in front of the restroom. Screams and shouts filled the air as people swarmed the scene. When I'd squeezed myself into the crowd, I saw Khai and Un fight. They even threw punches at each other.

 

"What the hell happened?" Chen asked worriedly after trying to stop the fight.

 

"Khai, that asshole, I don't know what was wrong with him. He punched me out of the blue."

 

"You're an asshole. I saw what you did."

 

"What the hell did I do?!"

 

"You were making out with the sophomore in the restroom. Why wouldn't I know?" A sophomore? Had you hooked up with a girl in the toilet after messing with me just a few moments ago?

 

"What did that have to do with you? It's my business. Stay the fuck out of it."

 

"How can I stay out of it? Look at him, Third. Look at what a scumbag he is!"

 

"What? What do I have to look at?" And now Third became the victim of the situation. I felt so fucking sorry for him.

 

"He was kissing another girl. Did you see that?"

 

"What does it have to do with me?"

 

"He's hitting on you, Third. Why are you so damn stupid?"

 

"You are stupid. He's not hitting on me."

 

"Don't defend him. You're being toyed with and still blabbering shit."

 

"You're blabbering shit. Why the hell do you have to defend me?"

 

"Because I'm jealous, you fucker."

 

"Why the fuck are you jealous?"

 

"I'm jealous because I like you. Why did you ask such a stupid question, Third?"

 

Oh, ah...

Holy shit, he'd just made a public announcement. The situation was so intense right now, so intense that I'd forgotten what I wanted to talk to Lin and fixed my eyes on Un's face instead.

 

"Calm down, will you?" Third said meekly.

 

"How can I calm down? I'm going crazy because of you."

 

"Wait, Khai, you punched me because I kissed a girl?" Un asked in confusion. Seeing his bruised, swollen face, I kinda felt bad for him.

 

"Right!"

 

"And because I'm hitting on Third, I can't kiss other girls."

 

"That's right! You'd better behave yourself if you wanted to compete with me."

 

"You fucktard, I'm not hitting on Third."

 

"Go fool your pet dog. You've been hitting on Third."

 

"When did I say I'd hit on him? I'm his senior, why the fuck would I hit on him?"

 

"But Chen told me you're hitting on him."

 

That was it. So Un wasn't hitting on Third. Everything had happened because of Chen's ridiculous plan. Now, look. It was all messed up, and their faces were all ruined.

 

Third took Khai away to treat his bruises while the others went back to party, leaving Un and me standing in front of the restroom, holding each other's gazes warily.

 

"You should go treat your bruises." It was me who couldn't stand this awkward situation.

 

"Aren't you gonna ask why I kissed that girl?"

 

"No, it has nothing to do with me."

 

"It does."

 

"..!"

 

"Because you gave your attention to someone else rather than me, so I wanted to give my attention to someone else rather than you."

 

"You don't get the point."

 

"I do. I told you that if you want to forget her, you need to find someone whom you'll love more than her."

 

"Here I am, right here; can you see it now?"

 

The weird relationship between a junior and a senior from the same faculty was pretty confusing. They occasionally met in the first year and worked together in the third year. 

 

Un had stepped into my life only a short while ago. He'd taken me out to eat good food, watch movies, listen to music, take photos together, and had even known my secret. But then, one day, he told me to like him romantically?

 

Don't make me laugh. I almost fainted when I heard that. I tried to think it was just a dream, but that sentence, that feeling, and the atmosphere felt so real that I couldn't deny the truth. Un said he felt really good when he was with me. When we worked together, my attitudes towards things interested him.

 

I knew I couldn't fulfil his request. That was why I tried my best to avoid him and did everything I could to prevent us from bumping into each other. But, as you know, we had to work on the stage play together, so I couldn't deny that we had to meet several times, at least three times a week.

 

We talked sometimes, but not as much as we should, and we only talked about work. During school holidays, I took a train out of town with the Extreme Gang to survey the location and enjoy ourselves. The Full Moon Party that night was a blast, if I left out the hollowness I was feeling when I hooked up with a girl and thought of...My senior, not Lin, my first love.

 

What happened that night confused me. I came back to Bangkok in confusion, but I still kept trying to find the answer for myself. In the second semester, the seniors were undertaking internships. We didn't meet, but I still saw Un everywhere. His eight-minute short movie 'A Little Bliss' was the talk of the town. He'd done a very good job, and the posters I'd shot were put up all over the faculty building.

That was the reason why.. I could never run away from him.

 

The Comm Arts Stage Play was on today. It was hectic. Each team was busy doing their parts. After it'd ended, everyone lay down exhaustedly in the auditorium. I was sitting on a seat, looking at the stage filled with props, and feeling this weird feeling. It was like something had stuck in my head for months. Maybe… It was because of that person.

 

"Can I sit with you?" A familiar, deep voice reached my ears. I turned to look at Un, who had been standing close by, sitting down on a seat beside me without waiting for the answer.

 

"Today is the last day. It's ended well," I said with a smile not as big as how I usually did.

 

"Right."

 

"Congrats on your last stage play."

 

"Congrats on having become a real photographer."

 

"Thank you."

 

"You can say such nice things as well?"

 

I didn't really want to say it. I'd been avoiding him for a long time, but we'd ended up sitting next to each other. Where the hell were my friends? Had they all collapsed backstage?

 

"How are you? Your life as a third-year student," he asked me so gently. To say I'd missed this voice wouldn't be wrong

 

"Pretty good. What about you? How is it being an intern?"

 

"Nothing much. Too… Can I ask for your advice?"

 

"Someone like you wants my advice?"

 

"Yes, I do."

 

"What's it about?" I didn't know if I could give him good advice. How were his feelings right now? Had they changed? Or were they still the same? I had zero ideas.

 

"What should I do? When I take a step closer to someone, that person will take three steps away from me."

 

"God, I wish he walked towards a cliff." You prick.

 

"You should take more steps, then. If he takes three steps away, you have to do more."

 

"What if he steps away even further?"

 

"Then you should take even more steps."

 

"What if he turns around and runs away?"

 

"Then drive after him."

 

"What if I can never catch up with him because he won't stop and wait for me?"

 

"I don't know. Get over him, I guess."

 

"Too." The voice calling my name was merely a whisper.

 

".."

 

"Should I get over you?" Un looked at me, looking so deep into my eyes that my heart weirdly shook. It was the eyes of a coward begging for a chance. This was so unlike you.

 

"Our relationship is confusing. I don't know how to explain it."

 

Silence filled the hall. Two playboys were sitting beside each other, talking about the future and the weird relationship. What kind of plot was this?

 

"But… I've given up on Lin."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I can't stop thinking about you."

 

"..."

 

"I don't know what these feelings are. I think I need time."

 

"I can wait."

 

".."

 

"We are here together. And that is enough."

 

I smiled after hearing those words. It was a quote from my favourite movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And now I'd realised that there wasn't only one quote from my favourite movie, but there were many others to remember.

 

It depended on...who we were thinking of when we saw those quotes. I once said that humans' relationships are like movies. Friendship movies are friends. Family movies are families. Romantic movies are lovers. But for a certain person..he was much more than that, and I could never categorise him.

 

I would say he was a special category only for me, a movie telling a story of two guys starting to learn more about each other from now on...