Theory of Love

Theory of Love

 

Scene 3, Inside / A bogie / 6.00 a.m.

 

"But you said okay just now. Bone and Too also heard it." Khai's voice quavers. The other two nod in agreement.

 

The day he mashed that girl's lips and the day he talked things out with his ex in front of the library were only a few months apart, which doesn't guarantee that Khai won't mess things up again.

 

"I don't agree to be anything. And this game you planned to play with Too and Bone, I'm not feeling it."

 

"Do I still have bad points that you don't feel okay with?"

 

"Time will prove what kind of person you are."

 

"Wouldn't I die first before I got to be with you?"

 

"Do you want to die now?" He zips his lips immediately. The other two are probably pretty shocked by what I said. I haven't said yes because I think there's no rush in love. If Khai can wait for me, I'll give him credit for that. But it'll be a long time before that day comes.

 

"I won't play this game anymore. I'll listen to music." I put on my earphones and close my eyes to isolate myself from the world because I actually feel bad for Khai.

 

I don't hear any voices coming from them. Maybe the music is too loud, or maybe those three choose to be quiet and spend time with themselves as I do.

 

The train's still moving forward. I turn away from the breeze and the heat from sunlight, and of course, the person beside me can feel it.

 

"Third, lie down properly."

 

"Um." I don't know when my earphones were pulled out. Khai pushes me down to his soft lap. I don't resist him; I let him do what he wants.

 

"Since you've stepped into my life. Like someone brought the vision to the blind!"

 

"When did you learn to sing this?" I ask in a muffled voice, not even opening my eyes to look at the person singing, but his off-key voice and weird accent make me smile.

 

It's a song I always played in my car, and he always said it was boring."Why? Does it sound terrible?"

 

"Yeah, it sounds terrible."

 

"Really?" I can feel his hand on my hair, stroking it gently

 

"It sounds terrible, but it's good that you've tried."

 

I continue sleeping, feeling safe. It's warm on his lap, and I'm happy to travel like this. Maybe, after this trip, the four of us might find something good. Who knows, right?

 

There's something charming about travelling on a train. We don't need to rush to the destination to seek happiness there, but it teaches us to find happiness and experiences along the way.

 

I wake up again and look down at my watch. It's ten in the morning now. Khai, who lent me his lap, is sleeping with his neck bent backwards on the backrest. The seat opposite me is empty, and I find those two punks on the other empty seat since there aren't many people on the train.

 

"You woke up?" He opened his eyes shortly after I got up. His voice is strangely gentle, unlike his usual self. Did my rejection affect his brain or something?

 

"Um, you can continue sleeping. I'll lend you my lap."

 

"No, I just rested my eyes. I didn't sleep."

 

"Hungry?"

 

"No."

 

"Look at the view. It's so damn beautiful." I tell him to look out the window. It's a green field stretching out endlessly. I rarely went to the country, always living in the city. That's why I get very excited when I travel somewhere far.

 

"It is, but there's not a single drop of rain."

 

"Come on, it just needs to rain when we shoot the movie." I hope the weather forecast will be helpful.

 

"Third, do you want to do something bold once in your life? Like.. things you want to do before you die." On a long trip, we gotta kill time by talking. I think Khai had no idea what we should talk about, so he came up with a simple topic.

 

But it's not really simple because, honestly, I don't even know what I want to do in my life.

 

"Something bold? Ghost hunting, I guess, at some faculty building. What about you?"

 

"Bungee jump. I want to try it once."

 

"I also want to join a food marathon."

 

"Kanom Gohl?"

 

"You prick! It's either noodles or some yummy doughnuts."

 

"I want to go backpacking."

 

"Oh, oh, I want to do that, too. The first place will be India. I want to go to Tibet as well."

 

"Shambala?"

 

"Um."

 

"Let me go with you."

 

"You said it as if we're going tomorrow." It's unbelievable that a simple topic would make us talk about our dreams, and we can't do some of them alone. For example, backpacking- the more friends, the merrier. I just hope that on the day I get to travel somewhere, Khai and the two Extremes will be there with me.

 

"Do you have anything more? Anything else you want to do?" He asks with his deep voice.

 

"A movie marathon, perhaps."

 

"I want to read a book series in one go."

 

"I want to talk to a stranger."

 

"About what?"

 

"Weather, food, traffic, making merit, things like that. What would you talk about?"

 

"Sex."

 

"Is that all you think about?" What a fucker. A leopard never changes its spots. Because he's like this, who would believe he can stop himself? But I'm stunned by his answer.

 

"Oh, hi, stranger. What's your name?"

 

"You little shit."

 

"Shall we have sex?"

 

"Go die first."

 

"Haha, why are you a stranger blushing?"

 

"Change the subject." I dodge the topic before my face burns up even more. Shit, should I get up and sit with those two punks in the next seat?

 

"Don't move your seat, I'm onto you. We haven't finished this topic." It's like Khai can read my mind. He smirks and keeps on talking about his crazy dream. "I want to get married, though."

 

"..!" That's an unexpected answer.

 

"A playboy like you wants to get married like other people?"

 

"I've stopped being a playboy, so I want to. I've never gotten married in my life. My wedding will have a cute bride and a thousand tables. It'll be nice if the prime minister opens the ceremony."

 

"You're fricking extravagant."

 

"You don't like it?"

 

"No."

 

"What kind of wedding do you like?"

 

"A simple, friendly wedding with family, I guess."

 

"Okay, I'll tell my mom."

 

Arrigh! I got attacked all the time. Can we change the subject? Damn it. I feel like I'm Khai's doll because he always has me in his hands and squeezes my heart no matter what I do.

 

"Your turn. What else do you want to do?"

 

"I'm not playing this anymore." I bawl, glaring at him.

 

"Why are you mad at me?"

 

"Because you keep fooling around like this."

 

"Just admit you're shy."

 

"I'm not shy."

 

"There's one more thing I want to do."

 

"What?"

 

"I want to call a person I used to have a bad thought about and confess it to him."

 

"Whoa, then you gotta make many calls. You used to have bad thoughts about many people."

 

"I only have to call you."

 

"You used to hate me?"

 

"No, I once thought about fucking you 'til you die on my chest. I'm sorry."

 

YOU BASTARD!!!

 

Now, I want to ask the vendor for a skewer so that I can use it to jab Khai to death, or I should just jab myself, goddamnit.

 

Scene 4, Outside / Surat Thani Train Station / 4.00 p.m.

 

A long trip that took more than ten hours ended when the Extreme Gang and I arrived at the destination safely. We had to ride a ferry to Samui Island, but my two buddies are going to Pha-ngan Island since there's a Full Moon Party tonight. Khai and I don't want to be in a crowded party, so we will isolate ourselves in our peaceful space.

 

Now, Khai and I are left in a small resort on the island. Since our purpose is to travel by train, we're free to do whatever we want after that. I guess those two beloved friends will come back to us tomorrow morning.

 

"We can rent a bike to ride around the island."

 

"Um, but can we rest first? I'm fucking exhausted." Travelling by a regular train is slow because it takes a long time to reach destinations, as the train crawled along.

 

Good thing Too and Bone played the guitar and sang because our bogie was empty; otherwise I would've gotten gnawed to the bones by Khai.

 

The resort we booked is a two-story private house. There is one bedroom upstairs and one downstairs. Too and Bone called dibs on the one downstairs, so Khai and I will sleep upstairs. When we read the details, it'd be a double room with an en-suite bathroom, but now that we see it...

 

"Khai, you said it was a double room. Why is there a king-size bed?"

 

"It's for two. Two people can sleep on it."

 

"That's not it!"

 

"Why? You said you wanted it double. Here it is." Khai is messing with me. He must be wanting to start a war of nerves with me. But it'd be troublesome to change the room since we already booked this one, and so I have to sleep on the same bed as him unwillingly.

 

I carry my backpack inside, not unpacking my stuff, and plop down on the bed right away.

 

"I'll take a shower."

 

"Do whatever you want."

 

"I can do whatever I want? Can I have sex with you, then?"

 

"Go be a pervert somewhere else."

 

"Then why did you flirt with me while sleeping?"

 

"I didn't flirt with you; I was sleepy. Khai, please, go the hell away from me."

 

I hear him laughing in a low voice. Khai walks around the room, whistling happily. Soon, he disappears into the bathroom while I get some rest to boost my energy first.

 

The sky has gotten dark. The light in the room hits my eyes, so I open them to look around. Khai is here, sleeping beside me, looking worn out. Our plan today is probably staying in the room doing nothing.

 

I get up to take a shower and change into comfortable clothes. When I'm done, I see that my tall friend has woken up.

 

"Let's go have a meal."

 

"Um."

 

"There are lots of clubs and bars here."

 

"We're here to get away from nightlife, but you're crawling right back into the same loop."

 

"I just said there were lots of them. I didn't say I would go."

 

"Oh, yeeeeeeah?"

 

The resort has a common area and a swimming pool in the front yard with the dining room nearby. We have dinner there and buy snacks and drinks for tonight. When we reach our house. I climb a small ladder to the rooftop above our bedroom. It's a space for throwing a party and enjoying the night view. There are two canvas chairs we can lie down on to look at the stars. It'll be so romantic if it's not because of the person accompanying me.

 

"Want some cold beer?" There he is, knowing I'm on the rooftop; he came up to bother me right away.

 

"Yeah, give me one."

 

"Can I lie down with you?"

 

"Who would stop you?"

 

I'm already lying down on a canvas chair. Khai tries to pull his chair as close to mine as possible and lies down. He holds out a beer to me, and I take it, open it, and drink in the atmosphere.

 

"The breeze is cool." Khai is still the one who initiates the conversation.

 

"What do you think Too and Bone are doing?"

 

"Dancing the night away, I guess. They went there because they wanted to have fun and forget the world."

 

"Why didn't you go? You didn't have to follow me here, you know." Khai loves parties, music, and entertainment. I kinda feel bad for him if he forces himself because of me.

 

"I don't want to flirt with girls. I want to flirt with you here."

 

"Huh."

 

"The stars are beautiful tonight."

 

"It didn't rain, so the sky is clear."

 

"Do you know any constellations?"

 

"Not at all. I don't know how to spot them, but I like looking at the stars."

 

"Me, too."

 

We both fall silent, letting the atmosphere flow naturally. There's no music up here, no sound of people. The only sound we hear is the waves crashing on the beach. And suddenly, the person beside me utters in his deep voice...

 

"How many firsts have we shared? We've gone to Samui for the first time, taken a train for the first time, kissed for the first time, fallen in love with you for the first time."

 

"There are quite many, but I remember the day I confessed my feelings to you for the first time." What happened that day is still clear in my mind. It's the day I prepared several boards with Too all night to tell him my feelings, but it turned out to be a failure.

 

"I remember it."

 

"You said you'd use it to hit on girls."

 

"But I've never really used it."

 

"I copied Love Actually."

 

"I know. We watched it together, like, many times."

 

"We should have many firsts in our lives. Did your eyes get glassy?"

 

"Third.." He turns his handsome face to me, his nose close to my cheek, so close that I can feel his breath.

 

"Hm?"

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

"I’ll answer if I can."

 

"If I hadn't found your confession video that day, would you have told me your feelings?"

 

"Probably not. I might've kept it to myself."

 

"If I hadn't been able to take it after knowing the truth, would you have still loved me?"

 

"I think I would, but I would've tried to get over you since there was no hope." I still remember lots of ways to get over him that I came up with, but nobody knew it. No matter how hard I tried, in the end....I still loved him just like I do now.

 

"If you have to choose between a friend and a lover, which one will I be?"

 

"You can be whatever you want. I'll accept you when I'm ready." He smiles, reaching out his hand to grab mine, our fingers intertwined until there's no space left.

 

"If one day I become futureless, have no prospects or nothing at all, will you still be with me?"

 

"If you're still with me then, I'll be with you."

 

Why? Why do I suddenly feel like crying?

 

"If you find someone who's your type and perfect in every aspect, will you choose him?"

 

"Think about it. I've met many good people in my life."

 

"But I still ended up choosing a scumbag like you."

 

Our intertwined fingers are tightened up. None of us says anything. We just smile. Sometimes.. I want time to slow down so that we can feel true happiness, so that we can be together until we fall asleep, so that this moment can last longer, though time still keeps moving on in reality.

 

"I'm gonna take good care of you, I promise.." 

 

The long silence has been broken again.

 

"If you can wait."

 

"Of course, I can. I've come this far."

 

"Seriously, if you want to go to the bar, you can go."

 

"No, you don't allow me, and I don't want to go right now."

 

"I will allow you to go."

 

"Huh, why would I go when I have a beer in my hand?"

 

"Khai."

 

"What?"

 

"Do you want to kiss?"

 

"You can kiss me this time. I will allow you to do it."

 

I don't know what made me say those words, but a short moment later, my lips were claimed by his. This kiss tastes bitter at first from the beer we drank, but soon it tastes sweet, like the atmosphere around us.  I don't know what tomorrow will be. All I know is...what happiness looks like tonight.

 

The semester starts. The Comm Arts students have one difficult task: preparing the annual stage play. Everyone is so busy that they barely get enough sleep. Many members of the sound team have to sleep in the recording studio. I haven't had much work m since the script was done, so I'm giving the coordinator a hand and helping the PR team sell the tickets.

 

My life is going well, with some excitement when there are new jobs to do. My life graph has ups and downs, but it doesn't affect my mental health.

 

Khai is still going after me. He's putting in so much effort; I acknowledge that. I once thought of many ways to stop loving him, and one was to find his bad points and use them as excuses to get over him. I remember them by heart. All the bad things I could think of those days, Khai did them all, unlike now.

 

I've just noticed the change in him, or maybe love changes people...

 

One, he rides fast.

 

"Khai, when will we arrive? If we're late for class, I'll smack your head off."

 

"I'm trying to speed up, but I can't go fast, or you'll die on the seat."

 

"But it doesn't have to be this slow."

 

"This is the right speed for you."

 

"What speed are you riding at?

 

"Twenty."

 

"Twenty?! Are you riding a bike at twenty? Just sell Chawee, you shit. What a pain."

 

"Why are you so impatient these days? Are you on your period?"

 

"Urgh, Khai, urgh!"

 

Two, he doesn't know what it means to try. If things don't go as planned even a little bit, he'll just give up.

 

"Leave already. I'll take it to the repair shop tomorrow."

 

"But you might need to use it tonight. Do you want to use mine? I'm gonna fix yours."

 

"I'm not in a hurry."

 

"But you have to submit the assignment the day after tomorrow."

 

"Well, you can't fix this."

 

"I can. Mine used to be like this. Just wait."

 

Two hours later...

 

"It's late. I'm sleepy. Quit it, Khai."

 

"Wait for it to load. It'll be fine in a second."

 

Three hours later...

 

"It's almost dawn now."

 

"Done. See? I'm good at this."

 

"You should've used your time to sleep. The internet café probably opens now, dumbass."

 

"Just admit that you're happy. Don't pretend to be angry." Yeah... whatever you say...

 

Three, he's a playboy and a flirt.

 

"What are you looking at?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"She's got pretty big tits. Don't you want to hit on her?"

 

"I just look, but I won't hit on her."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I'll only hit on you."

Awwwwwwwww.

 

Four, everyone is just a one-night stand for him.

 

"Dudes, wanna go to the bar tonight?"

 

"Where?"

 

"Hia Tee, beside the university."

 

"Let me ask Third first. Third, Too and Bone wanna go to the bar. Will you go?"

 

"No, I have work with the stage play. You three can go."

 

"Then I won't go."

 

"Don't you wanna get some? The girls there are fricking hot."

 

"This one sitting right here is hot enough."

 

Holy cow! I got attacked again...

 

Five, all of his exes are troublesome.

 

"Third, if a phone number that ends with 92 calls you, don't answer."

 

"Why? Whose phone number is that?"

 

"My ex. She called me at first, but I blocked her now. You don't have to care about it. She and I are done. And don't be worried that she'll give you trouble because I'll do everything to keep her away from you."

 

Six, he's not smart.

 

"You're always saying I'm stupid."

 

"Because you really are, Khai."

 

"But the fact that you love me, I know that. Am I smart enough?"

 

"Er..."

 

Seven, he's never truly loved anyone.

 

"And the only person I love is you..."

 

Every bad point I thought of to get over him no longer works. Khai has become a better person, but some of his behaviours haven't changed. I never make him force himself to do anything. Our love is more about understanding. And those seven points aren't his only flaws. He still has many bad points, which I try to accept and learn to live with.

 

It's weird but true. Looking back from the day I fell in love with him three years ago to now, we have come so far from the starting point.

 

"Everyone, get ready. The play will start in fifteen minutes!" Chen's voice echoes through the backstage area. The audience starts filling the seats in front of the stage. The stage play this year is being played twice. And today is the last time.

 

Fan, Pink, and the other actors did very well yesterday. They must do well today as well.

 

"Water?" Chen asks and hands me a bottle of water.

 

"Thanks, bro, but I think you need it more than I do." His lips are pale. He must be so nervous.

 

The director is the most nervous one here.  Yesterday, I saw him stand beside the stage, not moving, while the actors hurried up and down the stage to change clothes and hairstyles. The backstage crew also worked hard. The sound team controlled the recordings backstage. Too had the big responsibility of carrying a large video camera around the stage. Good thing many of the members of the photography team helped him take photos.

 

"Hey, hey, it's starting now."

 

Chen keeps poking my shoulder. The MC's voice sounds through a mic. The red curtain hasn't been rolled up yet. The audience looks at the stage in excitement. The music volume is slowly increased to attract their attention.

 

"Without further ado, let me present to you the Communication Arts Stage Play of 2017, Likebrary!"

 

The red curtain is rolled up, revealing the magnificent backdrop the art team created meticulously. Darkness hangs over the area until the spotlight shines on the female lead, and a round of applause shakes the room...

 

These two and a half hours are full of laughter, tears, and thrill, not only from the audience but also from us who have prepared this play together for months to make today happen.

 

The Comm Arts Stage Play has given me everything-friendship, patience, determination, time management skills, and, most importantly...the chance to overcome my fear and start loving someone again.

 

"The play almost ends. Get ready."

 

The bear-like director said as the last scene ended. Everyone backstage watched as the spotlight on centre stage slowly faded until it was completely dark; then we heard thunderous applause and cheering. Comm Arts fellows hug each other tightly. In the end, we're growing together.

 

'Thanks for staying with Likebrary till the end. This stage play wouldn't've happened without you guys and our production team and our director!"

 

The applause continues. Chen runs onto the stage, bows in gratitude, and moves to stand centre stage.

 

"Our cast."

 

Woooo!

 

"Our acting team."

 

Our twelve friends hold hands, run onto the stage, and bow in gratitude with smiles on their faces. The MC continues announcing each team. Everyone runs onto the stage and holds hands at the centre, waiting for the curtain to roll down.

 

"And finally, our scriptwriting team."

 

Only Yongyee and I run onto the stage because Chen is already there. The audience claps when we bow. Yongyee runs towards her friend at the corner of the stage. I'm about to follow, but someone calls my name.

 

"Third."

 

"..." Who the hell is it?!

 

"Third! Right here." I try to find the owner of the voice and see Khai, who's supposed to be on the stage, stand at the front instead. He's carrying big white boards in his hands, looking up at me as if he wants to convey something.

 

"Third, I have something to tell you."

 

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" A loud cheer breaks out, both from the staff on the stage and the audience in their seats. Khai, damn you! What the hell are you doing?

 

I glance at the projector's screen on the left side of the stage. It's switching between Khai's face and mine, so the audience gets to watch a live show, which I wish wouldn't happen. Please don't zoom in on my face, cameraman.

Argh...I'm embarrassed.

 

"Hi'

 

Khai flips over the first board. It's the beginning message I used for my confession to him long ago, and the idea is from Love Actually again.

 

The second board is flipped over. Today is just a normal day, but I have something not very normal to tell you.'

 

The third board...'You are special:'

 

The fourth board..."But not this kind of special.'

 

The next board displays pictures of many superheroes like Batman, Superman, and even Captain America. This is the board I used before. What a cheap guy!

 

The fifth board is flipped over...Because you are more special

 

The sixth board...So today, I want to tell you something very special to me.'

 

My eyes follow every letter, carefully reading the messages. What do I do to stop being embarrassed in front of this many people? What do I do? I'm glad we've been friends.'

 

"I'm glad I got to love you.'

 

"Kyaaaaaaaaa!" Many people let out a shriek when the latest message is revealed.

 

"I'm glad we got to do lots of things together.'

 

'You're special, and you make me want to do many other things'

 

But the thing I want to happen the most is...'

 

There's one board left in his hands. My heart's beating fast. I feel like crying again even though I don't cry that easily.

 

The last message is on the other side of the board, so I can't see it. I can only wait for him to flip the board.

 

And the next second...."To grow old with you.'

 

Awwwwwwwww!"

My ears are ringing, and my vision starts to get blurry. Khai puts all of the boards down on the floor, then he looks up at me and gives me a thumbs-up with both hands.

 

This little shit! Are you gonna copy everything in the movie?

 

There's no question to answer, only his messages floating around in my head. The ending song starts playing as the curtain slowly rolls down. The audience lets out a loud cheer and gives us a long round of applause.

 

Khai hurries up the stage, holds my hand, and runs to where our Comm Arts friends are standing, but there's a sentence only two of us can hear that slips out.

 

"Um...let's grow old together."

 

It has ended, Likebrary, the stage play in real life.

 

Three months later...

 

"It's been uploaded on YouTube. Let's watch it."

 

"Yeah, yeah."

 

I'm in Khai's room right now. We agreed to come here to watch the short movie, the final project of our third year, together. Khai was the one uploading it to my YouTube channel while Bone and Too did the final editing.

 

We sat side by side, watching the short movie we made ourselves on the square screen. The first message appears with the sounds of the train, the rain, and people talking.

 

Friend...Train...Rain

 

"Why are you wearing a raincoat? It's not even sprinkling."

 

"It will, eventually."

 

The same conversation from our first trip on the train has been reenacted through four characters: two girls and two boys. Even though the actors aren't the Extreme Gang, let me tell you this: it feels like we take ourselves back to the trip again.

 

"The pick-up line really is the worst." Bone talks about the scene where the male lead makes a move on the female lead with the guessing game.

 

"But I think it's funny, not emotional at all."

 

"Holy fuck, Dow's stunned face is on point."

 

"I fucking love this scene. It's like Third is right there."

 

"Have fun teasing me." Dickheads....

 

Our short movie isn't quite short, as it runs for almost 40 minutes. That's why my friend bought snacks and drinks to eat while watching.

 

Nobody cares how long it's been since we last flew, since we're all thinking back to when we were filming the scenes. It was fun. We laughed, cried, were stressed and pressured. We had to wait for the unpredictable weather to cooperate, plus the production team had only four people. We had to share our duties until we got everything covered.

 

The last scene has ended, and someone's name appears on the screen.

 

Director

Khunpol Krichpirom

 

After that, the other names slowly roll up on the screen, including all of our names. I'm fucking happy that, for once, the four of our names have been displayed in a movie.

 

Cast

Scriptwriter

Techaphon Kunapakorn

Assistant Director

Boripat Kiatkoon

Director of Photography and Art Director

Thanachat Tangprasert

Visual effects

Boripat Kiatkoon

Recording and Soundtracks

Khunpol Krichpirom

Lighting

Techaphon Kunapakorn

HODI PRODUCTION

 

The screen turns black as the end credits roll, but the music continues to play. When I lean forward to turn off the screen, Khai holds me back with his big hands.

 

"What is it?" I ask in surprise.

 

"There's a post-credits message."

 

"I didn't know about that."

 

"Just watch it."

 

It's not an extra video or footage. It's a closing message rolling up one word at a time, and it catches me off guard.

 

Third.

Will

You

Be

My

Boyfriend?

 

So this is the end of the movie? It's a surprising ending my friends plotted. Khai's sitting beside me, not saying anything as if waiting for the answer.

 

"Shit, I don't know what to say," I tell him honestly, feeling like my heart is going to explode.

 

"You're everything to me. The only thing left is being my boyfriend."

 

"All right! Then I'll be your only thing left."

 

"I'll be your boyfriend."

 

I once thought that if we were born alone, we had to die alone as well. Since we had no choice, I thought I could live alone. But now I know....

 

In our lifetimes, we can make our own choice. We can choose who we want to be with. And this is the beginning of our movie, which Khai and I will make ourselves.

 

END