Theory of Love

I Love You

How many times in our lives do we feel like we've woken up from our dreams but actually haven't? I'm one of those people. I'm in my room now, but Khai's scent still lingers, not fading away.

 

I don't remember how many times I've touched my lips. The memory's still clear in my mind. Plus, I felt good about what he did to me, fuck. Even though I've tried shaking everything off my mind, repeatedly thinking about his bad points, or telling myself to move on, I still find his face embedded in my memories. I fucking hate myself, hating that no matter how far I tried to run away, I ended up yielding to him.

 

I suddenly forgot how hurt I felt, how many times I cried, and how it took me everything to be strong again. I even hung out with the seniors and consulted them, but everything was ruined when Khai came back to me. I remember when he walked to me with blood all over his body. It really made me want to cry.

 

At that time, Khai didn't look like the hot guy he claimed to be. Blood ran down from his head to his face. His elbows and knees were full of bruises and wounds. The white hands he'd used to mess around with others were all red. I watched his actions at that time. He, restlessly, kept saying that he'd take me home.

 

It fucking hurt.

 

It hurt so much that my unyielding heart softened. After that, he tried many things to get my attention. He said he liked me, but none of his actions showed me his sincerity. It made me scared that I'd get hurt again if I let myself fall headlong towards him.

 

Until today, when we kissed, Khai shook away the fear in my heart and gave me courage, so I gave myself a chance to start over and see what the future will be like, but I just want to give it a try. I'm sure nothing can hurt me more than what I've been through, probably.

 

Rrrrr...!

My heart beats faster when I see my phone beside me vibrate since someone's calling, and that number is Khai's. I sit there, wondering whether to pick up right away or play hard to get. Arrigh, you just kissed me, and now you're calling to harass me? I get into my own thoughts for a while and decide to answer the phone before he hangs up.

 

"W...What's up?" Shit, my voice's shaking as if I was electrocuted. [Are you at your room now? Have you showered?]

 

"I'm at my room, but I haven't showered. Why do you call me?" I answer with a forced, stern voice, but my heart is fluttering like crazy. I'm definitely gonna die. Is this the feeling of being in love?

 

[You didn't call me, so I was worried.]

 

"Ah, I reached my room. I'm gonna hang up now."

 

[Hold on, have you done the homework from Teacher Premsinee?]

 

"I have."

 

[I haven't. Let me copy yours.]

 

"I'll give it to you tomorrow. Is that all?" He goes quiet for a while until I guess he has nothing to say. I'm about to hang up, but then he speaks again.

 

[Are you hungry?]

 

"I just ate with you. Why would I eat again?"

 

[Are you sleepy?]

 

"I haven't showered; how can I sleep?" It seems like the most nervous person in this situation is Khai, not me. He sounds uneasier.

 

[Then go take a shower.]

 

"Um, I'm hanging up."

 

[Don't. Can't you talk to me at the same time?]

 

"Are you nuts? Why would we do something so childish?" I say that, but I got this bubbly feeling like my heart is going to explode. I've never thought that the friend I've loved one-sidedly would reciprocate my feelings. Every time I expected something, I'd think it was just some wishful thinking that would never come true. It's weird, though. I knew it was just a dream, but I still hoped it'd come true someday.

 

[Third, are you listening?] I jump at his deep voice and focus on him again.

 

"What did you say?"

 

[Keep it like that. Don't hang up. Talk to me again when you've finished taking a shower.]

 

"Shouldn't I hang up? Why increase your phone bill if we won't talk? Is your mom rich?"

 

[Well, she is.] All right, I won't argue, but it's not about that, you traaaaaaaaaash!

 

I wanna scold him, but it'll be a waste of my saliva. I decide to walk into the bathroom and put my phone on the sink countertop. I hear his voice going on and on about turning the speaker on.

 

It's okay when I'm brushing my teeth. He's quiet. I hear a clattering sound from time to time, like he's doing something. I guess he's cleaning the CDs on his shelves because it's his hobby.

 

I know everything about Khai. The only thing I don't know is his unpredictable heart. And so, to start a relationship with someone like this, I gotta risk myself, whatever the result.

 

[Third, what are you doing?] He speaks again after a short silence.

 

"Do I have to give you a report every second?"

 

[What are you doing, though?]

 

"I'm gonna take a shower."

 

[0000ooh, my heart beats damn fast. Turn on the camera, I wanna get horny.]

 

"Go to hell."

 

I hear his continuous laughter. There's no limit for Master Khunpol when it comes to perverted stuff. He's a good-for-nothing who's rarely done something nice.

 

I waste almost an hour before I can free myself from arguing with him. Now that I've showered and am putting on my clothes, it's time to jump onto the bed. I usually spend half an hour to two hours on my laptop or watch a movie til I fall asleep, but today is different because I'm not alone like before.

 

"I've showered. Can I hang up now?" I ask, and Khai answers meekly.

 

[Are you really gonna sleep now? I still don't want to hang up.]

 

"You idiot, did you normally do this with other girls?"

 

[Not really, I didn't wanna talk to them, I just wanna fuck them.]

 

"You trash."

 

[I'm choosing a movie right now. I want to watch it with you. Can you not hang up?]

 

"What do I get from watching a movie through your phone?"

 

[You get my heart.]

 

"I don't want it."

 

[You get to watch a movie with me.]

 

"I don't want to watch a movie right now."

 

[Oops! I've started it, what do we do?] 

 

Damn it, what can I do now? It'll be too cruel if I hang up on him because, deep down, I still want to talk to him. I relent at last. I turn on the speaker, letting the sounds from the movie fill my ears from time to time. I don't know what he's watching since he didn't tell me, so I just lie down and listen until I fall asleep.

 

Ten minutes later, I'm pretty sure he's fallen asleep, so I speak drowsily to the phone without expecting any response.

 

"Khai, I'm going to bed."

 

[Are you gonna sleep now? Did you know what the movie is?]

 

"How the fuck could I know?" Hasn't he fallen asleep?

 

[Have a guess.] He's still up for a game even when I'm fucking drowsy. I tug at my hair in frustration and say nothing, waiting for him to give up and end this conversation himself. 

 

[You'll get a prize if you guess it right.]

 

Give him an inch, and he'll take a mile. He even has something to offer this time. I'm scared. I'm scared he might do something weird that will bring me to tears again.

 

"What's the prize?"

 

[You'll get a life partner whom you can consult with.]

 

"What we are right now is good enough."

 

[You'll have a financial manager who will loan money to you for the rest of your life.]

 

"I have my own money. Why do I have to sponge off you? Dumbhead."

 

[But I have a special offer: If you guess it right within ten minutes, you'll have a bigger family. You'll have two moms, two dads, and a sister.] 

 

I almost crack up at what he said. He's such a flirt, but I didn't know he was this smooth. A bigger family? I've never thought about that before. But his parents are really nice to me.

 

"Then I'll answer. You're watching Once."

 

[You pretended to guess it wrong.] Shit, he can read my mind. Being friends for a long time sucks sometimes. It sucks because he knows when I lie.

 

"I don't fricking know."

 

[Okay, I'll give you another special offer. You might want to get the prize.] I don't want it at all. But who would put up a fight with his shameless self-presentation? 

 

[If you guess it right, you'll get a permanent personal chauffeur.]

 

"I don't like riding on a big bike."

 

[What about this one? When you're sad or feel down, I'll always be by your side.]

 

".." Sounds nice.

 

[i help you go after your dream as I build mine. Even though I've been acting like a scumbag, I promise I'm gonna stop everything for you.] 

 

Whoa, what a damn long response, and every sentence is a bomb to my heart. Even though these dreamy sentences are so alluring, they're just words...

 

"You'd better do as you said," I warn him.

 

[Sure thing. Will you answer now? I'll give you a hint. It's about music. You watched it twice. The female lead is Keira, who sang a hit, Lost Stars.] Woah, if you gave me these many hints, how could I not know, fucker? Well, I'll just answer him.

 

"Begin Again."

 

[Correeeeeeeeeeect. So, we've started over now.]

 

".."

 

[From now on, everything I said before is all yours, deal?]

 

"..'

 

[Deal?] Khai repeats.

 

"Um."

 

It's a short reply, but my feelings are overflowing. I slide under the blanket, covering my face with it and smiling to myself until I've fallen asleep.

 

Khai, you've made a promise. I have a good memory, so I won't forget what we were talking about tonight, what you promised, and how happy I felt...

 

Today, the production of the Comm Arts stage play is still hectic. Everyone is busy with their own tasks that they have no time for anything else. There's only me, one of the scriptwriting team, who has nothing to do because I don't have to fix or explain the details of the scenes anymore. I'm using my free time standing by Chen and Un, who are directing the acting.

 

"Fan, go work on your emotions. You can't act even if you force yourself now." The bear-like human issues an ultimatum, leaving the freshman, who's obligated to be a male lead for the first time, stressed out. He walks with his head down towards the acting team standing close by.

 

"It would've been better if Khai had played this role."

 

"Don't complain. Khai doesn't act that well, plus Fan's trying so hard," I say and pat the senior's shoulder in consolation. The stage play will start at the beginning of the next semester, but we still can't be relaxed now.

 

"You don't take your boyfriend's side anymore?"

 

"Khai isn't my boyfriend."

 

"Okay, okay, but you've opened your heart to him, right?"

 

"Well, a bit. I gotta watch his behaviour first."

 

"Yeah, be quick on that. Don't involve me in your relationship again, geez.." The curse comes from Un. His mouth is speaking while his hand is scrolling on the phone furiously.

 

We can say that everything was caused by Chen. Since he's very sharp, he wanted to help us be together to the point that he forgot that it was my business; please don't meddle. He even got his friend involved without him even knowing. I feel so sorry for Un because Khai thought ill of him for quite some time.

 

"Un...Chen is sooooorry."

 

"Don't stroke my arm, fucker. You're giving me the chills." Un pulls away. Chen grins at me and immediately starts a new topic.

 

"What about Khai? Does he behave? You can tell me if he causes problems."

 

"He hasn't done anything yet."

 

"If he's really changed, then good for you. Many of my playboy friends quit playing around."

 

"How many?"

 

"Four."

 

"Out of ten?"

 

"Out of fifty." Fuck...

 

I really want to know if it's that difficult to stop being a playboy. Okay, I'm not the person who's bold and crazy about sexual stuff like my gang. That's why I don't understand the feeling of someone who's trying to stop playing around and to love only one person. Seriously, is it difficult like quitting smoking?

 

"I wanna know how your four friends are doing. How are they now?" I guess those four must be my Comm Arts fellows I've met often, but I don't know much about other people's business.

 

"Three of them are head over heels for their girlfriends, and we think they're possessed. The other one is on cloud nine."

 

"Why is that? His love life is so great?"

 

"Yeah, but with his new girlfriend."

 

".."

 

"Some people say they'll stop and really stop, but some people just fantasise that they'll be loyal and stay true to one person, and they fail at last. That's why I always tell you: What can we expect from humans' hearts?"

 

It's true. I told myself to stand my ground, but I ended up yielding to Khai's flirtation. What about him...? He's been like that since he was a teenager, when he had many romantic experiences. If he finally wants to stop, can he really do it?

 

"Ever since I talked to you that day, I've been using my brain more than my heart." I don't know what made me say that. I might be wanting to hide my foolishness from everyone.

 

Chen just looks at me with a smile. Un nods in understanding and looks down at his phone, scrolling, isolating himself from the world. Chen has a good girlfriend and love, while Un just goes with the flow. Everyone has their own goals, but for Khai, I won't know until he proves himself to me.

 

"You're scared, huh?" He continues.

 

"Scared of what? I'm not scared."

 

"Yeah? But your face says it all."

 

"You're speaking nonsense."

 

"All right, I'm speaking nonsense. But if one day, Khai does something bad, you can come to me and be my mistress." What a dick. Who would want to have a boyfriend looking like a bear?

 

"I'm not giving my heart to anyone anytime soon. Don't worry that I'll be hurt." I assure him, though I don't know who I'm really trying to assure. The listener just gives me an inattentive nod.

 

Soon, Fan and Pink are ready to be on set again. This scene has only a soft soundtrack in the background, but they have to express their emotions deeply because it's the climax of the play. The love confession without any lines.

 

Chen wrote this scene. Is he stupid for writing such a hard scene for the stage play? And the leads are both newbies. When we hear the counting five... four...three... two, everyone tenses up and watches the scene.

 

The love confession in the aisle in the library. 

 

Whoa, I thought Mork-Pee from Pla Bon Fahl wrote this scene themselves. It's so cheesy, but I still have to watch it because the director wrote this scene. I couldn't argue. He even said people would remember this scene until the day they died. Does he think the play will be nominated for the Oscars? Does he forget that if the actors can't pull it off, it'll fail?

 

"Kaopod.." The only line in this scene is the female lead's name. The freshman's tall figure moves closer to Pink. His eyes lock on the slender figure before him. He tries to express his love through his eyes, but...

 

"Cut! Both of you, come here." The director beckons them over and starts a short, emotion-building lesson out of the blue.

 

"I couldn't feel it, Fan. Pink, you too. You were stiff like a fossil." He complains tiredly, making the listeners look down at their feet, but the person in front of the senior still says something.

 

"It's impossible to confess your love without saying anything. How can the audience understand if we don't say it out loud?"

 

"Huh? When you're crying without whining, do the others know you're sad?"

 

"Y...Yeah."

 

"It's the same. Not saying doesn't mean we won't know it. Some people believe that speaking is the only form of communication, so they focus only on memorising lines. We can communicate in silence. Gesturing is communication; rolling your eyes is communication. Do you understand?" This old man asks in a high-pitched voice. Fan nods even though he's not sure if he really understands.

 

It's one hell of a job, starring in a stage play. Since it's a live show, if they make a mistake, there's no fixing it. They have to act, memorise the lines, convey the emotions, sing, dance, everything. There are also many showtimes each year. I'll waste the actors' lots of energy.

We've rehearsed for a month. No one can call in sick no matter what. This is more serious than the entrance exams.

 

"Let's try again. We'll use the soundtrack this time. Khai, do your job. The twenty-third scene, the love confession in the library." Khai, who's swinging his cast nearby, staggers to the scene dutifully. Other members of the sound team carry a laptop and a speaker right behind him.

 

Since it's not a serious rehearsal, we're not using the audiovisual room to play the soundtrack or to control the sound from a single laptop. Instead, Khai said we mostly used ready-made sound effects and recorded some new sounds by ourselves. Songs were selected and edited to suit the vibes of each scene. 

 

What's special is a song written especially for the play. The writer is a Comm Arts student, but we have to audition a singer.

 

"Ready, five, four, three, two, action," the director says aloud. It's the sweet scene that has been acted out a thousand times but still isn't satisfying. Trin and Kaopod are holding each other's gaze in an (imaginary) aisle. He reaches for her hands as a sweet love song is playing in the background. This is the true love confession scene without the word 'love.'

 

I watch the acting in front of me nervously until I feel someone poking me. I turn to look and see Khai already looking at me.

 

"What?" I ask in a whisper, so quietly that it can barely be heard. The tall figure doesn't answer and reaches out for my hands exactly like in the script. What the fuck are you doing?!

 

"Good, keep going.." Chen's voice cuts in. I notice the movement between the freshmen. Trin slowly takes Kaopod's hands in both of his hands. Khai takes my hands in both of his hands as well. Trin's big hands move towards his chest and press their hands on his heart. While Khai and I...He moves our hands down to his crotch and uses my hands to knead his bulging little brother. You fนนนนนนcker!

 

"You're such a low person." I make a loud, irritated sound and jerk my hand back as if I just touched something hot. This fucker's really good at being obscene in public. He even has the gall to argue with me.

 

"Can't you feel it? The love confession scene without the word 'love."

 

"Argh! Love my ass."

 

"What? Love begins in bed, on the balcony, and in a rehearsal room."

 

"Go the hell away from me."

 

"I can't. I'm afraid I'll die without love." So romantic, asshead.

 

"That's so sweet. I said 'cut' a while ago, you punk. When will this song end?!" Chen's raging voice to a lame person like Khai turns our attention back to the scene. Of course, the acting is over. The only thing that's not over is my feelings. Daaaaaaaaaamn!

 

"I'm soooooorry."

 

"I don't forgive you. Tell your friend to control the sound. You go the hell away." The tall figure is kicked out to sit quietly without bothering other people in the corner of the room. But then, he bothers Too and volunteers to take photos for the fan page in the PR team's stead.

 

And so, I see the tall figure staggering around the room, taking photos of the atmosphere of the stage play's rehearsal. He starts with the actors, the director, and the welfare team, but now he's hovering around me.

 

"Third, smile." A big camera is pressed close to the speaker's eye, his hand ready to snap a shot, but I don't want to cooperate with him as much as I should.

 

"Take a photo of someone else. I don't want to have my face shown on the page because of you."

 

"Just smile. The sky is so clear today." Clear my ass! We're in the rehearsal room. There's no chance to see the sun. But the more I tell him not to do something, the more he wants to do it. Since I don't do as he said, he snaps photos repeatedly. I think he got more than a hundred shots.

 

"I would've kicked your knee joint if your leg hadn't been broken. You're a pain."

 

"You're so fierce."

 

"Don't you see everyone's working?"

 

"I see it. I'm also working on taking photos for the fan page."

 

"As if I'd believe you. The food is here. Go eat first. You're a bother here." I wave him away without a care. Khai squints at me but still obeys. He staggers to the other two dear friends, who are running fast when they see the food has been delivered. Bone grabs two food boxes as if he cares about his friend, but no, he's gonna eat those two boxes.

 

Too follows up. After he grabbed a food box and water, he squeezes himself beside the pretty girls happily. I can only shake my head tiredly. I watch Chen direct the scene until he's done, then let's us go find something to eat. I walk back with Un. Chen has fled to meet his girlfriend at her faculty, so we won't have to hear the bear nagging close to our ears like before.

 

"Third, this is yours." Un hands me a food box. I receive it to appreciate his goodwill.

 

"Thanks."

 

"Third doesn't eat green curry, don't you know that?" A voice cuts through the air. Khai soon squeezes himself between us, takes the food box in my hand away, and puts another one into my hand quickly.

 

"This is fried pork with garlic, your favourite."

 

"Yeah, thanks."

 

"Let's go sit there. I might kick someone if I stay here any longer." My best friend glances at the senior. I look at Un and see he wants to stop this fight, so I change my direction and follow Khai to sit on the other side of the room.

 

This fucker is unforgiving. He knows Un was tricked into being the love ruiner, yet he still holds a grudge and won't talk to Un nicely. The buck was passed to me because I have to be the mediator between them.

 

"I'll open it for you."

 

"No need to."

 

"I'm gonna do it." He snatches a bottle of water on the floor and puts it back because it's open. I'm your friend; I'm not crippled. I feel so special that I'm shaking. "Eat. Are you looking for handsomeness on my face?" He's messing with me when I stare at him. He provokes me to bite back.

 

"All right!"

 

I've started stuffing my face for less than two minutes, and he starts annoying me again.

 

"Your eyelashes are long."

 

"I'm eating. Stop bothering me."

 

"We've been friends for over two years, but I've just seen how cute you are."

 

"...”

 

"Ooh, are you blushing? I'm serious. Blush all 

you want."

 

"Shithead."

 

"Saying love without the word love Awwwwwww."

 

"You're crazy."

 

"You just said you loved me again."

 

"You must be possessed."

 

"I'm blushing. Stop it."

 

"Have you gone nuts?"

 

"Everything looks nice when you're in love. Your insults even sound pretty."

 

"Whatever you say." I don't think Khai can be healed at this rate. He's completely different from before. Everyone remembers Khai in his first and second years in the university. He had a bad-boy look, was a jerk, and flirted with everyone. He fucked around like crazy and acted indifferent the next day many times. His reputation resounded through the faculty and spread to the surrounding faculties. 

 

I always thought liking him would only hurt me, but look at him now; he's different from before, like night and day. He's like a ten-year-old boy being in love for the first time. Bring back your past coolness...

 

"Eat your food, or do you want to eat me?"

 

"Can you stop messing with me for a minute, Khai?"

 

"I like you, so I want to mess with you." He almost finishes his food box. There's only a little water left in his bottle. I glance at his big hands holding a friend's DSLR camera to look at the photos. He looks through them and laughs for a while before showing me a photo.

 

"Is it cute?" He asks in his deep voice. The screen shows a photo of me scowling.

 

"Delete it."

 

"You think I'll follow your order? We need to keep these photos for the fan page. It's work; we can't just randomly delete it." He closes the screen and puts the camera beside him, not giving me a chance to argue.

 

"Third." His voice softens when he calls my name, and then he looks me in the eye.

 

"Hm?"

 

"After classes tomorrow, shall we go to a movie?"

 

"I dunno, I'll think about it."

 

"I'll give you a chance to rethink it. Watching a movie with me is good; you don't have to pay." 

 

He slaps his pocket to assure me. Okay, you're very rich. Your big bike was taken, but you still got your parents' car to use as you wished, even though the driver is a slave like me.

 

"I'll think about it."

 

"Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock."

 

"Argh, I got it! I'll go with you."

 

"Haha, okay, let's go to a movie tomorrow."

 

"I wish tomorrow came faster," I whisper, picking at my food.

 

"You're happy to get to sit next to me, right?"

 

"No, Nolan's movie starts tomorrow. I'm excited."

 

"What about me?"

 

"Are you that important?"

 

"..."

 

Dead silence falls upon us, but I don't care. I keep eating without looking at the person l beside me. Khai starts speaking shortly after. It's very quiet, but I can hear every word clearly.

 

"I'm not jealous of Nolan because he can't watch a movie next to you, anyway."

 

"..."

 

"I'm the one next to you, the one who watches every movie together with you."

 

I might not be able to interpret the previous sentence clearly enough, but is this... a real love confession without the word love?

 

The rehearsal has ended earlier than we expected. Everyone splits and goes back home at eight. I have a meal, then drop Khai off at his place. It's past nine when I reach my room and take a shower. I start my usual routine: Jump onto the bed with my laptop. I scroll through feeds on my social media sites. I sometimes watch a movie until I fall asleep. I spend the first half an hour on Facebook, Twitter, and other blogs. I get bored, so I look for one of the CDs I bought and kept in my storage to brush off the dust, turn it on, and watch it happily.

 

Some movies are weird. I watched it once and never thought of rewatching it. Was it a good movie? Yes, very, but there's no rule that you have to rewatch good movies. On the other hand, some movies are fun to rewatch. It might not have sentimental value, but it can heal my heart the day I feel fucking exhausted.

 

Most of the time, I don't watch a movie on my laptop. I turn it on in the CD player and watch it on the TV because the screen is satisfyingly big. After watching the movie for a while, my eyelids become heavy, ready to close, but Khai, that bastard, calls me before I get a chance to sleep.

 

"What?" I answered his call in a dozing voice.

 

[You're sleeping? Open your Facebook. There's an update on the Comm Arts Stage Play's fan page.]

 

"Is it important? Tell me now if it is. Tomorrow if it isn't."

 

[It's important.]

 

"Then tell me. I'm too lazy to open it."

 

[You have to read it yourself. There are many minor details.]

 

"Then hang up; I'll read it on my phone."

 

[Open it on your MacBook. I have questions to ask you. Don't hang up!] 

 

I want to ask him if he's my dad, but I'm scared he might strike back harshly. I sigh heavily and bend down to reach for the laptop on a small table beside my bed and turn it on. I'm the kind of person who doesn't log out of my social media sites on my laptop. That's why, when I open my Facebook, I see tons of notifications, all red, in front of me. But that's not the point. I don't care to look through each notification when I'm this sleepy. 

 

I click to open the Comm Arts Stage Play's fan page right away. Lately, of course, the PR team has gone all out promoting the play on the fan page, making every student on campus want to watch it, but that's not the point.

 

"There's nothing. I only see the promotion news," I say irritatedly, and Khai quickly replies.

 

[I want you to see the latest promotion news.]

 

"Yeah, yeah."

 

I decide to put my phone down and turn on the speaker, then I scroll to the latest promotion news on the page. There's a set of more than 10 photos with a short caption: "We have something to tell you."

 

"A new promotion tactic?"

 

Did you read it?!

 

"I'm reading it right now."

 

I click the first photo. It's a photo of a black-and-white movie with a caption below. I think there are captions for every photo. It's like the fan page team is trying to build a story to lure the audience. They might fall into the trap and buy the tickets in the future.

 

The first photo...

Did you know? The first movie in the world is Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat, shown in 1895.

 

The second photo...

In 1906, the world's first full-length film, The Story of the Kelly Gang, was created.

 

The third photo...

In 1923, Thailand's first feature film, Miss Suwanna of Siam, was made.

 

The fourth photo...

In 1986, the first stage play in Thailand was made, called Rai San Suk. 

 

The fifth photo...

In 2017, the epic, unbeatable stage play Likebrary was performed on our campus. Since we haven't made a poster for the promotion, the first poster for the stage play this year is a picture of a library, drawn in neat lines by a member of the production team, with a cool font to catch the audience's attention.

 

[Where are you on right now?] Khai keeps a close eye on the situation.

 

"The fifth photo."

 

[I'm excited.]

 

"Are you crazy?"

 

[Just keep reading.]

 

"Don't bother me, then." I'll get it over with quickly because I'm fucking sleepy right now.

 

The sixth photo...

We mean it by epic, whether it be the backdrop.

 

It's a photo of a part of the backdrop the staff has made. It's very large and impressive. In the photo, Chen is waving at the camera because he really takes care of every job.

 

The seventh photo...

The charisma of Amy Adams, back away. Leonardo? Don't try to put up a fight. At this moment, it's time for Fan and Pink only.

 

The eighth photo...

The photography team and a professional photographer use expensive cameras bought with their own money. Hold on a sec! Let me laugh at Too's ugly face for ten seconds. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

 

The ninth photo...

The fricking dope sound team with experience with Hollywood films (lie)

 

The tenth photo...

The skilled director with extensive experience. Interstellar, Gone Girl, Avengers, La La Land. Aren't they great movies? But our director didn't take part in any of the movies.

 

You piece of shit! Then why did you say that? It's like they hate Chen. Well, it's pretty funny. Not just that, they tagged everyone appearing in the photos. It's a method to make fame and humiliate those people at the same time.

 

The eleventh photo...

Our scriptwriting team was born to create an excellent piece of work, led by Chen, Yongyee, and Little Extreme of the industry...Third.

 

The twelfth photo...

The scriptwriting team can do everything, especially making someone fall in love.

 

My heart's pounding so hard it's about to leap out of my chest. The photo in front of me shows my scowling face, the one Khai snapped repeatedly in the evening, but now it was posted on the fan page out of the blue.

 

I click to see the next photo, even though my feelings aren't the same. My hands are shaking, my heart is fluttering. All the words got stuck in my throat. Fortunately, the next photos don't have my face on anymore. There's also no caption because the messages are in dark pink letters on the photos, set against a white background.

 

The thirteenth photo...

In 1995, Circle of Friends was released, but its CD was bought as a birthday present for someone in 2015.

 

The fourteenth photo...

In 2010, the romantic film Flipped was released for the first time in the world, and it's the movie the scriptwriter likes most.

 

The fifteenth photo...

In 2015, we met for the first time. You and I officially became members of the Extreme Gang we established together.

 

The sixteenth photo...

In 2017, you are my life.

 

The seventeenth photo.. 

Now - forever, you'll still be my life.

 

That's the last photo, but I still stare at the screen. There's a small name below the post, 'Admin Khunpol.'

 

There might be many Khunpols in this world, but those Khunpols probably aren't studying Comm Arts and are in the stage play's production team.

 

I went quiet for a while. Silence hovers around me. Soon, someone's voice comes out of my phone. Khai hasn't hung up.

 

[Are you done?]

"Um." 

 

I don't know if I should say anything more. To be honest, I don't even know how I feel, but deep down, my feelings lean towards positivity rather than negativity.

 

[It's nothing, you know. I just wanted to tell you.]

 

"You used the fan page for personal stuff. Chen will kill you."

 

[I got everyone's permission. They're rooting for us.] He has the gall to use a cheerful voice. 

 

[What about you?]

 

"What?"

 

"Still not sure."

 

[Then I'll tell you the timeline of the movies of my life. The first movie is Cream. The second and third are Lalla and Beer. I don't quite remember the next ones. If not putting them in order, there are Noon, Pang, Jam.]

 

[Those are monthly movies. There are many daily ones: Cartoon, Pun, Kookkai, Frung, Apple. Woah, that's a lot.]

 

"You've made many movies in your life," I say sarcastically. I can't even remember all of your girls' names, dickhead.

 

[But it's not like that with you.]

 

"You're going to say I'm the movie that plays for the rest of your life, right? Let me tell you something. There's no movie that will play for the rest of your life since it'll end one day. You made a movie and named it after me. Even though you won't make any more movies, my movie will end eventually."

 

I went on and on, but Khai's response is...

 

[It won't end.]

 

"..."

 

[Because you're not a movie, you're the reality.]

 

Boom!

Why haven't I disappeared?!!