Theory of Love

Persistence Can't Conquer the World, Persistence Conquers Hearts

 

‘Yeah, right, I like Third. If anyone dares to get in the way, I'mma fucking kill you.'

 

That one sentence shocks everyone. I don't know if everyone will remember this when they wake up tomorrow, but remember every single damn word he said. I'm drunk, but I can still make sense of things. But the person with a big mouth that blabbered those sentences doesn't look like he has it all together; otherwise he wouldn't've said that.

 

Worse still, I'm being interrogated with many questions even though I wasn't the one who started this. Right!

 

We've made an agreement. I told Khai I gave him a chance to prove himself. Everything was going fine until tonight. Good thing a friend like him is responsible enough to end this game, and now everyone splits up.

 

"I can't believe Khai would have the guts to say that. He's freaking possessive of you."

 

I plop down on a canvas cushion beside the pool. Chen is the only one accompanying me. Other friends are on the dance floor on the other side, all wasted, so there's no one bothering me.

 

"How long have you known that Khai and I?" I haven't finished my sentence when I turn to the senior who's already looking at me.

 

"Since we started the production."

 

"Was it that obvious?"

 

"I kinda suspected it. I thought you two were such close friends since you guys were always together. It became obvious when you were clingy to the seniors and distanced yourself from your gang. People tend to distance themselves from things they can't stand. And you distanced yourself from Khai the most."

 

"Huh, you know your junior's life so well."

 

"Well, you're my bro."

 

"Actually, I don't want anyone to know about our complicated relationship. To be frank, I'm not confident in Khai at all." Everyone knows him well. When speaking of the Extreme Gang, they'll always think of Khai first.

 

Every girl who approached him was always welcomed. I don't remember how many girlfriends he had. I used to count at first, but then I got too tired to do it because it was so ridiculous.

 

During our first year to the third year in the university, Khai had spent most of his money on condoms, then clothes and lipsticks for his girls. He didn't spend much on himself, but he often said he got a one-night benefit as compensation for what he lost. Sex was the crappy life he loved while I hated who he was so damn much, but I couldn't do anything.

 

And then one day, he told me he liked me, saying he'd hit on me even though I was trying to get over him. I don't have any confidence in this friend at all. I'm not confident that he's really going to stop himself, and I'm not sure if I'm gonna have to cry again. Since nothing's guaranteed, I don't want to risk myself.

 

"I understand. I know Khai is a scumbag, but he's changed a lot."

 

"..."

 

"A lot that I'm surprised about."

 

"Now it's time you guys have been waiting for." Our conversation is interrupted by the second-year student's sweet voice from the other side of the pool. She's holding a mic, looking all excited.

 

The loudspeaker's volume has been turned up to almost full max. Every Film Kid turns their attention to the speaker, then she speaks again.

 

"We're going to announce the hottest boy and girl of the Film Pool Party tonight. The winner of the girl board is…. May, the pretty first-year girl. Applaud!" The atmosphere brightens up again. My eyes follow a fricking cute girl as she runs around the pool to receive a sash. And then the next announcement begins.

 

"The boys are also no joke since the nominees are neck and neck. The winner is handsome in a cute way. Congratulations to Third, third-year, one of the Extreme Gang of Film majors!"

 

Huh?! Me?

 

"See? This is the change in him. He went all out to make you win." Chen gestures for me to get up to receive the award I don't really want. It's just a paper sash.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

 

"Hey! What's going on?" I haven't gotten up to receive the People's Choice Award yet when everyone turns their attention to something else. A group of seniors runs down the stairs to the restroom. The third-year students follow like a group of ants. I look at the bear-like guy on the canvas cushion, and we set off to see what happens downstairs.

 

I don't even know what's happening, but it's impossible not to crowd around the scene. I won't be able to fall asleep if I don't pry into other people's business. There's a ruckus in front of the restroom. The seniors are clearing people out of the scene. Chen makes way for me through the crowd, and I see Khai and Un, locked by other friends who are trying to stop them from brawling. They don't look like they have it all together right now.

 

Judging from the blood on the corner of Khai's mouth and on the tail of his eyebrow and Un's swollen eyes, they definitely fought before we came.

 

"What the hell happened?" Chen steps forward and stands beside Un. I watch the situation close by with Bone. He's grabbing Khai, who has gone crazy like a rabid dog.

 

"Khai, that asshole, I don't know what was wrong with him. He punched me out of the blue."

 

"You're an asshole. I saw what you did."

 

"What the hell did I do?!"

 

"You were making out with the sophomore in the restroom. Why wouldn't I know?"

 

"What did that have to do with you? It's my business. Stay the fuck out of it."

 

"How can I stay out of it? Look at him, Third. Look at what a scumbag he is!" I'm forced to listen to two drunk people's reasons, even though I have no idea what I have to do with this.

 

"What? What do I have to look?" I ask him, not understanding. Khai shakes his arms off his friend's grasp and steps close to me, pointing his finger at the senior and bawling.

 

"He was kissing another girl. Did you see that?"

 

"What does it have to do with me?"

 

"He's hitting on you, Third. Why are you so damn stupid?"

 

"You are stupid. He's not hitting on me." This is getting out of hand. We keep cussing at each other, making the juniors crowding around us even more interested.

 

"Don't defend him. You're being toyed with and still blabbering shit."

 

"You're blabbering shit. Why the hell do you have to defend me?"

 

"Because I'm jealous, you fucker."

 

"Why the fuck are you jealous?"

 

"I'm jealous because I like you. Why did you ask such a stupid question, Third?"

 

Oh, ah...

There was a hubbub from the crowd. I go rigid, looking at Khai tugging at his hair wildly. He's not only drunk and wasted but also off his nut. Every word and every sentence he blurted out, I'm not the only one hearing them, but Film Kids in every year here heard them, too.

 

"Calm down, will you?" I say evenly.

 

"How can I calm down? I'm going crazy because of you."

 

"Wait, Khai, you can't help feeling horrified.

 

"Right!" Khai snaps.

 

"And because I'm hitting on Third, I can't kiss other girls."

 

"That's right! You'd better behave yourself if you want to compete with me."

 

"You fucktard, I'm not hitting on Third."

 

"Go fool your pet dog. You've been hitting on Third."

 

"When did I say l'd hit on him? I'm his senior, why the fuck would I hit on him?"

 

"But Chen told me you're hitting on him."

 

Fwip!!!

Every eye turns to the bear-like human who's the cause of everything. After getting caught, he smiles sheepishly and makes a crappy excuse.

 

"Oops! You knew it. Haha."

 

"Chen!!"

 

"It's not my fault for protecting my bro. Khai's unclear about this. How exactly are your feelings towards Third?" Throwing shit to someone else is the bear-like senior's speciality. Khai, who's standing in front of me, sighs deeply, his breath smelling like alcohol, and stresses each word.

 

"He's my friend."

 

I knew it, at last...

 

"My family, my future boyfriend, my counsellor."

 

"He's my everything. Are you happy now?"

 

"Okay, I'm happy. We're even now."

 

Even my ass…

 

The most memorable thing about the pool party that night was Khai and Un's brawl, and everyone singled me out...I became a victim of society all of a sudden. Chen confessed his guilt to me. He set everything up so Khai would know his true feelings. His best friend, Un, didn't even know about that and was fooled for a long time. Plus, Chen was smart to make use of Un's goodwill towards me, making it look like he was hitting on me. The result was that Khai snapped and made a big fuss, as you've seen.

 

They apologised to each other officially. It'd take several punches for them to reach there. The bonus is Film Kids' boisterous teases when they see Khai and me together, even in the faculty canteen… Khai and I are standing in front of a grocery store when a group of seniors suddenly lines up behind us.

 

"The tiger is about to maul its prey. We gotta protect him." They crack their knuckles, then a senior continues speaking calmly.

 

"Don't make a move on our little Extreme too much. He's ours!"

 

"I haven't done anything," the person behind me says in his deep voice. It's been like this for several days since that night. The seniors who know Khai's hitting on me have split into two teams. The first one is the protective team. They try to keep Khai at a proper distance from me because he might become a danger to our faculty's security. The other one is Khai's Sucker team, mostly the third-year students. I don't really care much, except for the name they call me.

 

Khai: Team Extreme Sucker

Me: Team Little Extreme

 

Urgh! Can't they make me look a bit stronger? For goodness' sake.

 

"You'd better stay away from him. It's dangerous around here." This is funny. Film Kids are actually such dummies. They must have lots of time to meddle in other people's business.

 

"Did you get your food? I'll carry it for you." I don't know if it's because he wants to get away from the seniors that he quickly grabs my plate. He doesn't order anything himself and staggers to the table immediately.

 

"Not eating anything?" I can't help asking at last.

 

"Who would dare to order with your guardians hovering around like that? Can I eat with you?" He asks flirtatiously. I really want to stab his eyes with a fork.

 

"Go buy food at a different store."

 

"Okay, okay, but I carried your plate, and I'm gonna buy you a bottle of water."

 

"So?"

 

"You owe me, so take me to the buffet tomorrow."

 

"You do good things and expect something back."

 

"I don't expect anything. I do it on purpose."

 

"I have to ask Chen and Un if there's any work tomorrow."

 

"Arrigh, will they dare to make you work? I'm gonna go beat them up right at their classroom. They got me worked up for a long time, those fuckers." 

 

He puts down the plate and turns around to a beverage store nearby. Bone and Too are watching the situation and stuffing food into their mouths with enjoyment. These two couldn't stop laughing after they carried Khai to his room to treat his wounds that night. I don't know which team they're in, but I don't think I can trust them.

 

"The seniors teased you again?" Too asks, and I nod as an answer.

 

"Get over it. You've got lots of senior fans, but support Extreme Sucker more than Little Extreme." I know now whose ears I'm gonna slap: Bone's, you lousy shit.

 

I seat myself opposite those two. Khai comes back shortly after with two bottles of water under his armpits and a plate of food. Oh, right, it's almost noon; his stomach must be protesting right now.

 

"Here's your water."

 

"How much?"

 

"I bought it. Don't put it in my bag. There's a giant scorpion inside." Look at how he's threatening me.

 

"I'm so scared."

 

"Scared of a giant scorpion or Khai's giant worm?"

 

"Shithead." He's a professional pervert. But this is no time for bullshit. Mo, the major's president, gave us notice in our morning class, and so many third-year students have started preparing for the upcoming project with enthusiasm.

 

"Be serious. Regarding the short film for the third-year final project, I think we should start thinking about it now, or we won't be able to make it in time. Any idea?"

 

"I had a rough idea when I did the fieldwork with the photo club." Too suggests.

 

"What is it?"

 

"The concept is the relationship on the train to the sea."

 

"Sounds great. If Third writes about the strange relationship with the train and the view outside as the backdrop, it'll be very good." This is the first time I've seen Khai look smart.

 

"Let me add something. How about taking the train in the rainy season? Like, the main theme of the story is the train and the rain." Bone raises his hand, suggesting his idea.

 

"What about the relationship? Lovers?"

 

"Friends are better. There's something enchanting about this word."

 

"You guys said it as if you were gonna use this concept."

 

"Do you have a better idea, Third? We're keeping the sci-fi movie set in space for our fourth year." This jackass knows what I'm thinking. I want to do something different, but I guess I have to keep it for the final project next year.

 

"We have to think about it now if we're gonna do this. We also need to survey the location."

 

"I suggest we do it during school holidays, the monsoon season." You shit, why do I have to put my life on the line?

 

"Then we'll stick with the idea for now. If anyone has any other ideas, share it, but I like the concept we talked about."

 

"Me, too. 'Friends I Train I Rain' sounds cool." At Bone's words, the four of us look at each other as if we've found some sort of mutually agreeable point which has no need to be said out loud. I don't think any of us could think of other plots to top this one because it's already good for us

 

"I have an idea. What about the relationship starts as friends and ends as lovers?" Khai seems very excited about this project, but I suddenly get goosebumps from the way he looks at me.

 

"How?" Bone asks.

 

"Write the plot based on Third and me; it'll be a happy ending."

 

"Asshead." Is there something wrong with your brain?

 

"Like.. I stopped being a playboy when I knew Third was deadly like a gun."

 

"Shoot him back."

 

"If I could do that, his body would be full of holes by now."

 

"What the fuck are you guys talking about?"

 

"What?! You don't know?"

 

"Third, my motto for you is once is good, twice if free. You'd better stop being cute near me, or else id lose control."

 

"Oooooooooh." The conversation ended after we were harassed by his sexual desire. Khai is one of a kind. Besides his playboy lifestyle, which I don't know if he's really quit, he's always had this intense lust since he was a teenager. Who would want to challenge him? I can't stand his high sex drive, so I must not open my heart to him much more than this. I'm afraid that at last.... I’d be the one in trouble.

 

I've arrived at my room after dragging Master Khai back to his condo. I change my clothes and use my computer quietly. Shortly after, Too knocks on my door, gets inside, jumps on my bed, and plays on his phone as if this is his room. After a while, he found a favourable time to speak.

 

"Are you free tomorrow?"

 

"Er...I'm not. I have to see Chen tomorrow. We've made quite a lot of progress with the stage play." I'm actually free tomorrow, but I promised Khai I'd take him to the buffet. To protect my pride, I choose not to say anything about it.

 

"Did Khai know?"

 

"I guess."

 

"I heard you're going somewhere with him tomorrow."

 

"Huh, I'm not going!"

 

"Really? I feel bad for him sometimes. He told me he'd take you to the buffet tomorrow."

 

"He should know I haven't opened my heart to him that much."

 

"What? You haven't opened your heart to him all this time?"

 

"I got over him."

 

"Ah, I understand. You suffered a lot because of him."

 

"I decided to use my brain more than my heart, as Chen said." At least I can protect myself at some level. I'm not running away; it's a shield for my heart when things are unfavourable. My previous experience taught me that human feelings are unpredictable, especially those of someone as fickle as Khai; it's just impossible.

 

"Chen told me to use your brain more than your heart."

 

"Um."

 

"But you know what? He's been using his heart more than his brain these days!"

 

“...!"

 

"Otherwise, he wouldn't be so clingy to his girlfriend, you idiot."

 

What hurts more than being fooled is being insulted by my friend.

 

The Extreme Gang split up at five after classes. I told everyone I'd drop Khai off at his condo so they wouldn't know where we'd actually go. I asked this tall friend to reassure myself, and he said he didn't tell anyone, so now I can feel at ease that I won't be scolded by Too and Bone for going back on my word.

 

"Should we go eat something first? I get hungry after classes," Khai asks me, and I nod.

 

"Which place do you want to go?"

 

"The buffet there is good."

 

"Okay."

 

We got inside the restaurant. Khai puts his crutches beside him and sits on a chair. We sat at the counter zone where food is delivered on a conveyor belt. At least it's convenient for us to pick up what we want to eat.

 

"What do you want to drink? I'll go get it."

 

"No need to. Don't act tough when it's hard for you to walk."

 

"I always get it for you." I don't listen to him and walk away quickly to grab glasses, get the drink, and send it to the lame person at his seat.

 

"I'm removing my cast soon; I'll be free from this annoyance," he complains near my ears, his hands picking up food from the belt. He eats it, and he puts it in the pot. Is he gonna eat or speak?

 

"But you still can't run." The doctor said he must not run for three months after the cast removal. I'm fucking ecstatic.

 

"I know. And you won't pick me up anymore."

 

"Isn't it supposed to be like that?"

 

"I asked my parents to let me use their car. It's a big one; you'll feel comfortable."

 

"I have my own car. What does it have to do with me?"

 

"To repay you for driving me to places. Now it's my turn." Oh, my dear chauffeur. Urgh! I don't want it. He's definitely doing good things to get something back.

 

"You don't have to."

 

"So you're okay with this. Good, good."

 

"Do we use the same language?"

 

"I'm not using a human language, I'm using my heart."

 

Where is it? Hand me a chamber pot to puke into.

 

"Why would you drive back and forth when the university and your condo are close? If I have trouble, Too and Bone will help me anyway."

 

"It's not the same. I once thought of moving to where you guys live, but I've changed my mind. You might move in with me one day."

 

"Are you dreaming?"

 

"We should have some hope, you know." Huh, whatever you say.

 

I turn my attention to picking up food on the belt after wasting my time bickering with Khai, but every time I'm about to grab each plate, this sinful guy will snatch it all before I can.

 

"Are you messing with me?" I ask him irritatedly, but he just smiles.

 

"I'm not messing with you."

 

I reach for another plate.

 

"See?" He took that one from me.

 

"Why are you nagging? I'm annoyed."

 

"I'm hungry. I want to eat!"

 

"Here, I took them for you, not for myself." 

 

Then he laughs like he's so happy. I look at many plates of food for a moment and see that everything Khai picked up is all my favourite. I usually don't pick what I dislike at all. And there's nothing I hate on these plates before me.

 

"You boil the shrimp. I'll peel them for you," he says, jolly.

 

"No, I'll do it."

 

"You'll hurt your hands. It'll be troublesome before you get to eat."

 

"Your hands will make them salty. I don't want to eat that."

 

"Then I'll boil my hands first."

 

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" I bellow as soon as I see his big hands hovering over the hot pot. This fucker must be trying to start a war of nerves with me. What the hell is wrong with him?

 

I let him do what he wants in the end. We're eating and bickering. Lucky me to have someone peeling the shrimps for me. All in all, Khai's barely eating anything and just giving me service.

 

"Khai." My happy eating time is interrupted by someone calling this tall guy's name. If I remember correctly, Khai used to go out with her for quite a while. I don't know her name, though, because this friend had so many girls that I needed more fingers to count.

 

"Oh, hi."

 

"Are you here to have a buffet?"

 

"Um, did you come here with someone?" He asks.

 

"I came here with my friends. I'm going to my table now."

 

"Okay."

 

"Bye."

 

"Bye."

 

Are you missing each other so much?

 

"What is it? Is Little Extreme jealous?" He strokes my chin as soon as she's out of sight. This is not funny. I shake off his hand immediately.

 

"Do I look like I'm jealous? You're a nutjob."

 

"All right, you're not jealous. Well, she and I have a history."

 

"Yeah, I kinda remember."

 

"You're good. I don't even remember her name, haha." You're a fucking jerk, absolute scum. Is this the guy who persists on hitting on me? Will he forget my name if we're apart one day?

 

"Khai, can I ask you something?"

 

"Go ahead," he says, hands peeling the salty shrimp diligently for me.

 

"Who's the one you liked the best? I mean, from all the girls you loved and went out with." 

 

I don't know. I told you I'm not confident in him, because deep down, I'm still scared of the uncertainty in his heart, so I'm using this chance to ask the question I've had in my mind for so long.

 

"I didn't like anyone in particular."

 

"What about the girl you dated as a girlfriend?"

 

"Jam? The one who sulked and made me guess what I'd done wrong? She didn't tell me when I asked and always threatened to break up with me. When I got annoyed and wanted to break up, she got mad at me. I remember it so well."

 

Shithead, all you talked about is her bad points.

 

"Jam was actually nice. She was a bit whiny but very caring. We were done because I didn't stop myself. You know what a scumbag I was. She deserves a better guy."

 

"Well, you know yourself."

 

"Unlike you, I don't want you to find a good guy."

 

"I want you to keep being with a scumbag like me." I really want to slap his ear off.

 

"You're a pain. I'll splash this hot soup on your face."

 

"Let's take turns. I'll leave a mark on your neck in exchange." You dog tick. You have such a damn dirty mind. He didn't attack me this much before when we were completely just friends. I don't know whatever the fuck made him show his wild instinct every two minutes. I probably have to sign up for an 18+ website to buy him sex toys as therapy for his high sex drive.

 

"Keep eating. There, there, I was joking." But you looked so serious.

 

He pokes me after we continue eating for a little while. My not-nearly-full stomach and Khai, who's wasting my time, make me glare at the troublemaker.

 

"What?"

 

"Let me see your phone." What do you want to pry about this time? I haven't paid you back for making Too read my LINE chat box.

 

"No."

 

"Thanks." He slaps on my pants pocket immediately. How shameless of him to reach into someone else's pocket to get his phone without care. He touches the screen and complains, "Did you change your password?"

 

"Who would be stupid enough to use the old one?"

 

"Here, I got in."

 

"Shit, how do you know that?"

 

"There aren't many sets of numbers in your life."

 

Rrrr....!

"Someone's calling. Give my phone back." I wag my finger, but Khai doesn't cooperate: He just shakes his head and picks up his phone beside him to look at the screen.

 

"It's from my phone."

 

"But shouldn't you give me back my phone?"

 

"Bone's calling. You answer him." He holds out his phone to me with his big hand.

 

"Why do I have to answer him? You do it, and don't tell him you're with me," I warn him sternly. This tall guy obeys and answers his phone.

 

"What's up...? I'm outside."

 

"Tell him you're not with me." I try to whisper as quietly as possiblé.

 

"Third's not here. Why did you call me? Oh. Let's do it later. I'm hanging up now, I'm busy." He hangs up, and I ask him curiously.

 

"Why did Bone call you?"

 

"He asked me to have a meal outside together. Don't worry, I declined."

 

"Good." If Bone knows, Too'll know. Yesterday, I acted all high and mighty, saying I wouldn't have a meal with Khai no matter what. I'll lose face if he knows I'm sitting here with Khai.

 

"Hey, who do we have here?"

 

I don't know if it's hell or heaven that plays a joke on me. There are hundreds of restaurants, but why the hell do the new customers stepping inside look so familiar?

 

"Khai, Third, how did you two come heeeeeeere?" Some evil spirits must have gotten their tongues. They came in two like a package. It's too late to hide under the table now, so I just have to play along with Khai.

 

"Oooooooooh, you two are here as well? Woah! What a coincidence, haha."

 

"Yeah, what a coincidence. I just called Khai. I wanted to ask him to eat here together."

 

"That's great."

 

"What about you, Third? You said you had to see Chen."

 

"We finished early, so I came here to have a meal, then I bumped into Khai. Shame on me."

 

"Yeah, what a small world. Sit with us, both of you." The tall guy helped me, but nothing seemed to be better.

 

"No, no, I don't want to coincidentally sit with you guys; I'll go to the table at the corner."

 

"Let me coincidentally go with you, Bone. Wait for me."

 

Those two punks walk to the corner of the restaurant where the seats are private. I'm already thinking I'm totally screwed, but it's not as terrible as when Khai's and my phones send notifications at the same time.

 

Ding!

At that second, I snatch my phone back from that big hand and quickly open the messages shown on my home screen. And that's it.

 

BoneChone: Damn, dude, you suck at this. Go learn how to do it properly.

Tatt'oo: We've seen you two since the moment you walked in.

*Photo*

BoneChone: Is it so hard to peel the shrimps? Who do you have to do it for him?

*Photo*

Tatt'oo: You even reached into his pants in the restaurant.

*Photo*

BoneChone: Still lied that you bumped into each other. You think I'm stupid? Dumbass.

 

DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! Stop rubbing salt into the wound. Stop it! I'm so embarrassed I don't know where to hide my face. Those two fuckers snap every moment as if they're going to make a photobook. They even played dumb with me for quite a while. Are we still friends? Humiliated. I'm so damn humiliated. But nothing ticks me off more than new messages from someone.

 

K.Khunpol:  We got caught. What do we do?

Should we just tell everyone we're dating, 

 

Third?

 

Dating my ass, shithead!

 

We're driving home with bitterness hung in the air. My emotions aren't steady yet, so I turn the music up so loud to get rid of my frustration with the person next to me. Khai keeps joking around. I forget myself and smack him hard on the head when he changes my song. I told you I'd acted prideful in front of Too. Now that he caught me, I'm so embarrassed that I don't know where to hide my face anymore.

 

"Are you upset?" He has the nerve to poke my cheek. I'll slap him with the back of my hand.

 

"Shut up."

 

"They're our gang. Why are you embarrassed?"

 

"I told Too I wouldn't go with you."

 

"Ah, can't you change your mind at the last second? They won't tease us for more than two days." Bone has still been teasing Khai about his wet dream up til now. They won't forget. Their brains are good at remembering shitty stuff.

 

"Let's listen to the music. I really like this one. She will.. be loved. It'll put you in a good mood if you listen to it while driving."

 

"Don't sing. Your voice annoys me."

 

"I'll take you to a movie tomorrow."

 

"That's enough. I really have to meet Chen tomorrow. You should do your own stuff."

 

"Is there anything you want? I'll buy you everything."

 

"I don't want anything, and you don't have to buy me stuff as you did to others. Just take care of me as a friend." 

 

I fucking hate his habit of buying stuff to win someone's heart. It might work with some people, but I'm not that kind of person.

 

Khai was raised in a wealthy family, treated and raised to be a materialist. When we first met in our first year, I often saw him bring snacks and stuff to others just to make friends.

 

"We're way past the point of taking care of each other as friends."

 

"How is it different from the way you did to me before?" Speaking frankly, I can't fully concentrate on driving right now because my mind focuses on what the person next to me will say.

 

"My feelings are different. I'm gonna tell you something."

 

"Um."

 

"You're about to pass the junction. Signal a left turn." Oh, right, I got caught driving, and I forgot where to go. "I'll continue.."

 

"Wait, weren't you gonna tell me about the junction?"

 

"No, I'm gonna tell you what I like about you. I don't think we've become best friends only because we have lots of things in common."

 

"Our only difference is the levels of our sex drive. You're at the same level as Too's and Bone's."

 

"You shit! It's not romantic anymore."

 

"Oh, yeah?"

 

"When we first met and got to talk to you, it was like you opened my damn world. I stepped into the world where you took me to do something sensible. When I said I didn't like something, you'd tell me to open my heart and try it, and I ended up liking it..'

 

"Like, I always said I didn't like romantic movies, but you still forced me to watch them."

 

"Do you like it?"

 

"Some of them. It's better than before when I hated all of them."

 

"Good for you."

 

"During the ice-breaking activities in our first year, I hated the senior-junior system. When they told us to wear black shirts, I wore white. When they told us to wear white sneakers, I wore black. But you told me to change myself and try to understand the system more." 

 

Thinking back to that time, it's kinda funny. The Comm Arts seniors often put up the photos of the legendary Khai on the activity boards. The photos of him being different-him wearing white among a group wearing black, his bizarre hairstyle and giant cross earrings. With his look and bad-boy attitude, half the male seniors hated him. I didn't want him to understand the system; I just wanted him to get through that time. That was my intention, but it won't make much difference if he thinks like that.

 

"I even had this thought when I chose the major before our third year, that if I would really like studying Film as I'd said."

 

"Do you like it? Or is it a mistake?"

 

"I like it. I've fallen in love." I glance at the tall figure beside me. His eyes look weird.

 

"Good for you. It'll be your lifelong career."

 

"Then I'll keep liking it. Please be with me forever."

 

"Why are you begging your career right now?"

 

"I didn't say it to the career, I said it to you."

 

"You wouldn't miss a single chance to flirt. That's why girls swoon over you." I instantly changed the subject. I drove him to his condo and walked him to his room, as his mother and sister had assigned me.

 

"I'm leaving now. See you tomorrow." I waved him goodbye and was about to turn around, but he was faster. His big hand grasped my wrist, holding me in place.

 

"It's not late yet. Come inside. I got a CD from the Original shop."

 

"...”

 

"I want to give it to you."

 

I'm weighing my options for a while, but I fall into this sly man's trap in the end. After I plopped down on the sofa, Khai hurried to find the CD determinedly and handed it to me.

 

"Spirited Away."

 

"Yeah, I watched it once on the cable TV channel, but I just bought you the CD."

 

"You don't like animations."

 

"I've opened my heart now." He sits down beside me on the sofa, his hand pressing on the remote control, changing channel after channel, eyes kept on the screen.

 

".."

 

"Third… What kind of person am I in your eyes?" Khai asks me this unexpected question out of the blue. It's not late, so he's probably not sleepy. He's not drunk because he hasn't touched a single drop of alcohol. Why did the person who never cares about anyone ask this question?

 

"Do you care?"

 

"I don't care about what others think. I want to know what you're thinking."

 

"A person like you? You're a scumbag who uses your looks, money, and silver tongue to lure people." This is the noticeable truth because he's been like this for years.

 

"Are my looks, money, and silver tongue bad things?" He's still changing the channels without any sign of stopping soon, but I don't care and just answer his question.

 

"They're good things if you use them properly, but you've exploited them too much."

 

"I stopped doing that now."

 

"Yeah."

 

He stops at an old movie channel, but we both know none of us is paying attention to the movie. We're looking ahead, but our minds wander back to our conversation.

 

"Third."

 

"What now?"

 

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

 

".."  Yes, you. But I choose to stay quiet. Why would I bring up such a terrible thing?

 

"It must be only me. I kissed you many times, and you cried every time."

 

"It was because you were a jackass." I bite back. The first time, he kissed me and called a girl's name. The second time was when we were waiting for the seniors on the ground floor of the faculty's building, and I told him I was disgusted with him. Who would've known that it hurt him as well?

 

"Have you ever kissed anyone without crying?

 

"..."

 

"I guess you haven't."

 

"Want to know how to kiss satisfyingly? I'll teach you."

 

"No need to." I reject him quickly, but what I get is his cold smile and threatening action that causes me to press myself deep into the sofa.

 

Khai moves closer to me until I can feel his breath on my face. He presses his tall figure against my body, locking me tightly. My heart pounds even harder when he says the next sentence.

 

"To kiss satisfyingly, hands must be intertwined like this." He intertwines his fingers with mine until there's no space left, pushing me until my back's pressed against the backrest; then he pushes our intertwined hands into the softness, leaving no space left to escape.

 

"We have to lock eyes like this."

 

I don't dare to look at his eyes. I won't do it no matter what.

 

"Third, look into my eyes."

 

"Let me go, I'm going back to my room."

 

"Look into my eyes first, and I'll let you go." I ponder what he said for a moment, then I look up and look him directly in the eye.

 

The way he's looking at me is different from usual. He's not drunk, but I think he's lost his mind enough to do something like this. The moment our eyes lock, the heat rushes to my face to the point that you can see me blushing if you look closely. And that's when I know I'm being completely fooled.

 

"It doesn't take much to kiss satisfyingly. You just have to open your heart and accept my feelings, and I'll accept your feelings like this."

 

Before all the breaths in the world are stolen...Before I realise how much I've relented to this friend's actions, it's too late. He pressed his hot lips on mine, kissing me gently, not forcefully, giving us the chance to absorb some kind of feeling, the feeling of yearning, perhaps. I can only close my eyes, letting the person on top of me take the lead with such skill. He slowly puts his tongue inside my mouth. My body jerks a bit at first, but my mind has become too blank to think of anything. Before I know it, I don't feel disgusted to be kissed like this anymore.

 

His hot, wet tongue is twining with mine teasingly and skillfully, full of emotions. It starts lightly at first, but soon it becomes more intense as if he's sucking my soul out of my body. It's so intense that I can't help moaning, responding to the kiss. It's embarrassing, but I can't stop myself. I want to push him away, but I also yearn for him. It's the contradiction that I can't even describe to myself.

 

His beautiful lips suck and bite my lips lightly, not letting me catch my breath. He puts the tip of his hot tongue between my upper and lower teeth and leads its way inside, teasing, tasting the sweetness inside our mouths. His grip tightens when he adjusts the angle of his handsome face to make us closer. Our eyes, nose, lips, they merge with each other and become one substance. 

 

It keeps on until oxygen in my lungs starts to decrease. The person with less experience like me is running out of breath, so I make a sound in my throat to protest. Khai pulls back obediently, letting me breathe, but his eyes, locked on mine, are still full of emotions. I let him kiss me again and repeat it over and over again without any objection because this is my first time experiencing the happiness from kissing, the happiness Khai introduced to me.

 

"You're crying again. Was my kiss that bad?" 

 

His deep voice pierces through the ringing sound in my ears, and I find out that my lips are free now. He reaches out his hand to wipe off my tears.

 

"You.."

 

"Whether you feel sad or happy, can you keep this feeling inside?"

 

"But I"

 

"Shuuush, I'm possessive of my skill. Don't use it with someone else."

 

"..."

 

"We gotta use it with only the two of us."