The Missing Piece: 貌合神离

Chapter 6

 

Shen Mo felt an excruciating pain in his fingers. Unable to bear the pain, he awoke from his coma, opening his eyes in a panic. 

 

All he could see was a miserable expanse of white. white walls, white sheets, white gauze... He was confused for a while before he realised that he was in a hospital. 

 

Recalling what had happened before he fell unconscious, he curled up his body out of instinct. He had been kidnapped on his way home. The abandoned warehouse reeked of mould. The endless beatings and torture made the passing of time feel especially slow. 

 

With his head pressed against the ground, Shen Mo watched the sky darken little by little through the cobwebbed window. And then, a glimmer of light seeped through the boundless dark.

 

Even while barely conscious, he kept calling Zhou Yang’s name over and over again. But the man never came to save him.

 

“Zhou Yang...”

 

Shen Mo trembled underneath the blanket, unconsciously calling the same name again. Wrapped in thick gauze, his right hand hurt so much he could barely feel it. He remembered how the scar-faced man had stepped on his fingers one by one, sneering as he told him that Zhou Yang would never show up.

 

Zhou Yang was abroad with his childhood sweetheart. No matter how many phone calls Shen Mo made, no one answered. The sound of his fingers being crushed still echoed in Shen Mo’s ears. He closed his eyes. That sound then changed to the creak of a door.

 

The door to the hospital room opened. A tall man came in. Shen Mo thought it would be Zhou Yang. But when he looked up, he saw an unfamiliar face. An emptiness filled his heart. He didn’t know what he felt, but suddenly he was no longer afraid. Was there anything more terrifying than what he had just experienced?

 

The man looked quite young and had a handsome face. His eyes were as cold as winter nights. He examined Shen Mo as he said, “You’re awake.”

 

Shen Mo did not reply.

 

The man continued, “The doctor said you’re no longer in danger, but the injury on your right hand is the most serious. There might be long-term effects.”

 

Shen Mo finally responded. His lips twitched, but he didn’t ask about his hand. He uttered only two syllables instead: “Zhou Yang...”

 

The man’s gaze seemed to grow even colder. “Zhou Yang is abroad. He’s with my sister.”

 

The man paused before adding, “My sister is Ji An’an.”

 

Shen Mo immediately understood that he was talking about Miss Ji, Zhou Yang’s childhood sweetheart. So this man… was Miss Ji’s brother? Shen Mo couldn’t help but look at him. The man was also quietly gazing at Shen Mo.

 

“I forgot to introduce myself.” The man raised his hand to smooth out his tie and said, “My name is Ji Mingxuan.”

 

After hearing about Zhou Yang that day, Shen Mo didn’t say anything at all for three entire days. When Ji Mingxuan visited him on the fourth day, he suddenly said, “I want to call Zhou Yang.”

 

Ji Mingxuan frowned unnoticeably, but he still nodded and said, “Of course.”

 

Shen Mo could already sit up on the bed. But with one hand wrapped in gauze and the other attached to a drip, he couldn’t even dial the number. Ji Mingxuan dialled Zhou Yang’s number for him. Shen Mo remained extremely calm. From beginning to end, he spoke only three sentences to Zhou Yang.

 

“It’s me.”

 

“Let’s break up.”

 

“No reason. I’m just tired of it.”

 

And then, disregarding Zhou Yang’s interrogation from the other end of the call, Shen Mo looked at Ji Mingxuan calmly.

 

Ji Mingxuan understood and hung up. He eyed Shen Mo for a while before he asked, “Just like this, you’re breaking up with Zhou Yang?”

 

Shen Mo looked at his right hand, speaking as though the matter didn’t concern him, “When they tortured me, they said if I didn’t break up with Zhou Yang, my family would be in trouble next.”

 

Ji Mingxuan rubbed the centre of his brows and sat down on a chair by the bed. He said, “The abductors have already been arrested. When you feel better, the police will ask you for a statement.”

 

Shen Mo nodded and said, “Okay.” He then asked, “That day... were you the one who saved me, Mr Ji?”

 

Ji Mingxuan paused for a few seconds before replying, “No. It was all because you called the police ahead of time that they made it in time.”

 

Shen Mo asked, “Mr Ji, why did you pay all those expensive medical bills for me?”

 

“Zhou Yang left with An’an. Take it as a kind of compensation.”

 

Shen Mo and Ji Mingxuan were strangers, so they had nothing else to talk about. Ji Mingxuan sat for a while before he left. Afterwards, he sent his assistant to check on Shen Mo several times, but Shen Mo never showed up again. A month later, Shen Mo recovered and left the hospital.

 

Apart from his right hand, which he still couldn’t freely use, only faint marks remained from his other wounds. However, he still had nightmares every night.

 

He dreamed he was running in the dark as footsteps chased him from behind, closing in. He kept on calling the same number, but he could only hear busy beeps from the other end. Nobody ever picked up. Finally, a hand stretched out from the dark, wrapped around his ankle, and dragged him into an eternal abyss.

 

Scared awake by the dream, Shen Mo couldn’t help but cry out, “Zhou Yang!”

 

The small rental was so empty that he could even hear his own echoes. He and Zhou Yang had decorated it together. Traces of Zhou Yang lurked everywhere, but he knew the man would never come back again.

 

Shen Mo began to experience insomnia every night. Whenever he closed his eyes, he felt as if he had returned to the abandoned warehouse. He called Zhou Yang’s name again and again, but no one ever came to save him.

 

Originally, he’d already found an art-related job, but now that his right hand was useless, the job was gone as well. Fortunately, he could still survive on some bread and instant noodles that were left at home. Every day, he stayed up until he could no longer stand the fatigue, and when he woke up the next day, he stared blankly out the window. Sunrises and sunsets were meaningless to him. He didn’t even know how long had passed.

 

It had only been a few days; it seemed as though it’d been a lifetime. On that day, it had just rained, and the air felt quite refreshing. Shen Mo opened a packet of bread. Just as he was about to eat, the doorbell rang. 

 

He hadn’t been in contact with anyone in a long time, which made his mind grow a little sluggish. It took him some time to open the door. Outside the door stood a tall, slender man. Against the light, his face looked blurry, almost somewhat unreal.

 

But Shen Mo’s heart, which had been numb for too long, suddenly sprang to life; it almost leapt out of his throat. He put his right hand behind his back, as though he was afraid it would scare the man. In the softest voice, he called, “Zhou Yang.”

 

The man was somewhat surprised. He said, “I’m not Zhou Yang.”

 

Shen Mo blinked once and examined the man as he asked, “Who else could you be?”

 

Speaking, he pulled the man into the house. Since the house hadn’t been cleaned in a few days, it was dirty and messy. Shen Mo took quite a while to clear up space for them to sit. He then said, “You said you were going out for just a couple of days. Why did it take you so long?”

 

But where had Zhou Yang been? How long had passed before he returned? Shen Mo could remember nothing.

 

The man didn’t sit down. With his arms folded, he only looked Shen Mo up and down before repeating, “I’m not Zhou Yang.”

 

The man took a watch out of his pocket and said, “Someone found this in the old warehouse. I thought it might be yours, so I came to return it to you since I was passing by.”

 

Shen Mo recognised it; it was a present from Zhou Yang. In a hurry, he accepted it and put it back on. Yet, he still couldn’t remember when he’d lost the watch. As he thought about this, his right hand ached.

 

He didn’t dare think about it any further. On the table was the bread that he had just unpacked. Noticing it, he brought it over and asked, “You didn’t eat yet, did you? Let’s have something together.”

 

The man’s expression changed the moment he saw the bread. He grabbed Shen Mo’s hand and said, “You’ve been eating spoiled food?”

 

The man’s grip made Shen Mo’s wrist throb, and he couldn’t help but flinch. Zhou Yang didn’t like eating these things, he recalled. “I think there might still be some food in the fridge. I’ll make some noodles for you.”

 

As he spoke, Shen Mo struggled out of the man’s hold. But just as he took a few steps toward the kitchen, he felt his head spin. His legs gave out, and he almost fell to the ground. Luckily, the man saw him and caught his arm in time.

 

Shen Mo felt somewhat embarrassed. “Maybe I stayed up too late yesterday.”

 

He whispered again, “Zhou Yang...”

 

The man didn’t correct Shen Mo this time. He only said, “If I didn’t come today, you’d probably starve to death in this house and hit the headlines a few days later.”

 

But Shen Mo still had some bread left, didn’t he? That was what Shen Mo thought, but before he could refute the man, the man had already dragged him out of the house. The man was so strong that Shen Mo couldn’t break his hold no matter what. He could only follow him.

 

The man led Shen Mo to a car. Someone who seemed to be his assistant went out and brought back a bowl of steaming congee. Under supervision, Shen Mo had to finish it up.

 

Shen Mo felt a little strange. It was such a bright day, but everyone’s face looked blurry for some reason. Of course, Zhou Yang was an exception. Even amid a crowd, he could recognise Zhou Yang with a single glance. Zhou Yang was the man he loved with all his heart. Thinking about this, Shen Mo felt impossibly tender.

 

After he finished the congee, the man took him to the hospital. The doctor, who also had a blurry face, asked him some questions. Some were extremely easy to answer, while others puzzled him. Once he answered all of the questions, he was brought somewhere to take some examinations. 

 

The man discussed his condition with the doctor before finally bringing him home, along with lots of medication. Shen Mo fiddled with the bottles as he said, “I’m not sick.”

 

The man glanced at Shen Mo and calmly said two words, “Take them.”

 

For some reason, Shen Mo didn’t dare go against what the man had said. He got himself some water and took the medicine. The man never ended up taking a seat in the house. Right after Shen Mo finished taking the pills, the man opened the door and got ready to leave.

 

Shen Mo caught up to him and asked, “Zhou Yang, where are you going?”

 

The man stopped, looked back at Shen Mo, and said, “I just happened to pass by today. I won’t come here again.”

 

Shen Mo was confused. The man seemed to hesitate momentarily before he slowly lifted his palm to Shen Mo’s cheek. However, he didn’t touch Shen Mo’s face. Word by word, he stated, “Of course, Zhou Yang won’t come either. Whether to keep running away from reality or to face the truth, it’s up to you.”

 

Once he finished, the man withdrew his hand and left. Shen Mo went downstairs and chased after him, watching him get in the car. In the end, Shen Mo couldn’t catch up to the man. He didn’t understand what had happened. Why had Zhou Yang left? They were so close.

 

His right hand ached again. Shen Mo hurried to hold it with his other hand. The sun only shone in the afternoon; it rained again in the evening. Shen Mo didn’t go back to his rental. Empty-hearted, he stood in the passage downstairs. Even he didn’t know what he was thinking about.

 

Although the rain wasn’t heavy, it quickly dampened Shen Mo’s clothes. Shrinking into his shoulders, Shen Mo still refused to leave. He stayed awake all night. Only when dawn was almost upon him did he sit down against the wall. People who got up early for work walked past him one after another, all looking at him as though he was mad. Shen Mo couldn’t help considering it either. Had he really gone mad?

 

Today was still grim and gloomy. The rain was not heavy but rather lingering and ceaseless. Shen Mo’s hair was drenched as well, and water kept on dripping down. He didn’t even know what he was waiting for, but he waited with all his heart.

 

In the afternoon, a car drove by and stopped at the other side of the passage. Shen Mo looked up before he lowered his head again. When it was almost dusk, the rain grew heavier instead. The silver roof above Shen Mo’s head couldn’t keep out the rain at all now. Shen Mo still stayed in the same place, motionless. He didn’t even think about standing up. Like him, the car was also still stopped on the other side, unmoving.

 

When the sky had completely darkened, the car door suddenly opened. A man got out of the car. As Shen Mo watched the man, holding an umbrella, walk closer and closer to him, he could almost hear his own heartbeat. The man finally stopped in front of Shen Mo, silently gazing at him.

 

Shen Mo stood up and hugged the man, crying out, “Zhou Yang!”

 

The man’s body stiffened somewhat. After a long, long time, the man sighed and gently returned the hug. Shen Mo had been out in the rain all day. Unsurprisingly, his temperature rose in the evening. He fell unconscious from the fever; he was only vaguely aware that a doctor came over and gave him an injection to bring down his temperature. 

 

In his dreams, he kept calling Zhou Yang’s name. He remembered that he’d once called Zhou Yang’s name that way too, but Zhou Yang had never shown up. This time, though, someone sat by his bed, holding his hand firmly.

 

Shen Mo had a weak physique; he took several days to recover. By the time he could get out of bed, the house looked brand new to him. The living room had been cleaned up, the fridge had been filled with fresh vegetables and fruits, and some old furniture had been replaced as well. His Zhou Yang was sitting on the sofa for once, ordering the housekeeper to make him some congee.

 

Shen Mo walked over. “Zhou Yang.”

 

The man gave an ambiguous answer. He took a few bottles of medicine from the table and handed them to Shen Mo, telling him, “Take these two after you eat. Two tablets each time, twice per day. Take this one before bed. Just one tablet is enough. And this one is….”

 

The man instructed Shen Mo on how to take each bottle of medicine. Then, he said, “Take everything on time every day. I’ll come over in three days and take you to the hospital for a return visit.”

 

Shen Mo only processed the last sentence. He asked, “Are you leaving now?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“Won’t you stay?”

 

The man was quiet for a while before he replied, “I have work to do.”

 

“But before…”

 

The man’s phone rang before Shen Mo could finish speaking. The man answered the phone, listened for a few moments, and replied in a cool voice, “I understand. I’ll head back to the office right now.”

 

After the man hung up, he turned back to Shen Mo and added, “Remember to take the pills.”

 

Shen Mo’s lips moved. He still had so much to say, but in the end, he didn’t say anything and only watched the man leave. After making some congee, the housekeeper left as well. Shen Mo ate the congee alone and took the pills. He had nothing to do, so he continued to stare out the window.

 

He didn’t understand why Zhou Yang had to leave. But it didn’t matter. Zhou Yang had said he’d come over in three days, didn’t he?

 

In the next few days, the housekeeper visited according to schedule to cook for Shen Mo. On the third day, the man arrived as he’d promised. Shen Mo had close to no idea of how he’d passed his time. Only when he caught sight of the man did a hint of vitality show on his face.

 

The man was as cold as ever. He asked Shen Mo whether he had taken the medicine before driving him to the hospital. This time, Shen Mo didn’t do a bunch of tests. He only had a casual chat with the doctor, and the return visit was over. Before he left, he heard the doctor say to the man, “It’s a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. He’ll have to go through long-term treatment.”

Shen Mo found it strange. He clearly wasn’t sick.

 

On their way home, Shen Mo tried to start conversations on a few different subjects. To each, the man only answered perfunctorily. Shen Mo didn’t know why Zhou Yang had changed so much. When they’d first begun their relationship…

 

Shen Mo felt a little dizzy. His memory wasn’t as good as before. There were many things from the past that he couldn’t remember.

 

Last night, he had been unable to fall asleep again. Right now, the sun shone so brightly while the car drove quickly and steadily. He couldn’t help but feel tired, though he didn’t dare fall asleep. Forcing himself to keep his eyes open, he looked at the man over and over again. In the end, he fell asleep unwittingly. He dreamed of boundless darkness.

 

Countless hands reached out from the earth, seized him, and pinned him on the ground. Little by little, they crushed his bones, devouring every drop of his blood, every piece of his flesh.

 

“Ahh—”

 

The nightmare scared him awake. He found that the sky had already darkened, and the car was stopped at an unknown crossing. The man, whose face hovered close to his, stared at him intently.

 

Shen Mo was drenched in a cold sweat. Everything from the dream felt so real to him, almost as though he’d really been torn to pieces. The man reached out. With cold fingers, he wiped the sweat from Shen Mo’s temple.

 

Shen Mo flinched and said, “I’m sorry. I accidentally fell asleep.”

 

The man asked, “Did you have a nightmare?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Do you often have nightmares?”

 

“... Only once in a while.”

 

Shen Mo probably wasn’t too good at lying. The man immediately exposed him, “It’s because you’re too afraid to sleep at night that you look so pale?”

 

Shen Mo denied it in vain, “That’s not true….”

 

The man said nothing else as he started the car.

 

Noticing that the man wasn’t driving on the correct route, Shen Mo grew nervous again. “Zhou Yang, you’re driving in the wrong direction.”

 

“It’s not wrong.”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“We’re going to my place. You shouldn’t be living alone in that house.”

 

Shen Mo had always been gentle; everyone said he had a good temper. But this time, he cried out, “Don’t!”

 

The man asked, “Why not?”

 

Shen Mo said, “I can’t. I have to stay home and wait for...”

 

Who was he waiting for? Zhou Yang? But Zhou Yang was already right beside him.

 

Shen Mo’s head was in a mess; the only thing he knew was that he had to wait there. Forgetting how dangerous a moving vehicle was, he almost lunged for the steering wheel.

 

The man had to stop the car. Then, he turned around and looked at Shen Mo.

Shen Mo returned the look, refusing to give in. The man had no choice but to compromise. 

 

“All right. We’ll go home.”

 

After so long, they finally returned to the small rental. They’d rented it after their graduation, and Zhou Yang had decorated it with him. He didn’t understand why all of a sudden, Zhou Yang didn’t like it anymore.

 

They ordered delivery for dinner. After the meal, the man didn’t leave; instead, he grabbed a blanket and slept on the sofa.

 

Shen Mo grew even more confused. “Why aren’t you sleeping with me?”

 

The man ignored Shen Mo, waving only as he said, “Come and take your medicine.”

 

Shen Mo did as he was told and took it. Before getting into bed, Shen Mo left the bedroom door open. The door faced the sofa so that he could see Zhou Yang at a glance. After he said goodnight, he turned off the light, hiding in his blanket to gaze at the man quietly.

 

The sofa was way too small. Tall and long-legged, the man seemed as if he’d fall off at any moment. As the man tossed and turned on the sofa, Shen Mo’s eyes followed him. The man noticed Shen Mo’s gaze and looked inside the room.

 

Shen Mo immediately closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. A while later, he heard the man ask, as if to himself, “Does everyone look like Zhou Yang in your eyes? Or am I the only one you mistake for him?”

 

Shen Mo found it amusing. Why was Zhou Yang saying such nonsense? Shen Mo then opened his eyes and declared, “Only you’re special, of course.”

 

The corners of the man’s lips lifted. He seemed to smile amid the darkness, although no laughter could be heard.

 

Shen Mo felt an inexplicable flicker of panic. He called, “Zhou Yang?”

 

Quite some time passed before the man answered, his voice gentler than ever, “You can sleep. I’m right here.”

 

Indeed, Shen Mo slept through the night.

 

When he woke up the next day, the man was still asleep on the sofa, resting one foot on it and the other on the floor. The blanket only covered his waist, and his shirt looked crumpled, too. Only now did Shen Mo notice that the man had slept all night without changing into pyjamas.

 

Afraid of waking up the man, Shen Mo carefully walked into the kitchen. The injury on his right hand hadn’t healed completely. He couldn’t use it as he pleased yet, but it was enough for him to make two bowls of noodles. When Shen Mo brought the noodles to the table, the man had already washed himself and called someone for a change of clothes.

 

Shen Mo waited at the table. After the man hung up, he also sat down to eat the noodles.

 

He asked the man as they ate, “Is it good?”

 

Expressionless, the man looked up and said, “Not too bad.”

 

But he finished the noodles in minutes. Shen Mo was pleased beyond words. The man was really busy with work. After finishing the noodles, he changed his clothes and went to work. But whenever it was time for one of Shen Mo’s return visits, he always showed up punctually. 

 

At first, he only slept over on nights of the return visits. When he later found out that Shen Mo experienced nightmares almost every night, he gradually started spending more time with him.

 

The small sofa in the living room was soon upgraded to a larger one. The man sometimes sat there to deal with his business matters. Two assistants worked for him, and they called him Mr Ji. Shen Mo couldn’t figure out why they used such a title. He couldn’t distinguish one assistant from the other. But it didn’t matter. Only Zhou Yang was special.

 

Shen Mo often sat quietly beside the man and watched him work. Even a side glance at his handsome face made Shen Mo feel at ease. On the issue of not sleeping together, Shen Mo also protested many times. But each time, the man rejected him with a different excuse, such as “You’re still unwell,” “I’m too busy at work,” and so on. Later, the man grew so annoyed that he snapped, “I’m impotent, okay?” Shen Mo had to give up.

 

Accompanied by the man every night, Shen Mo no longer had nightmares. With a good appetite and decent sleep every day, he even put on some weight. The injury on his right hand gradually healed as well.

 

Shen Mo then considered going out to work. He had found a job at a company in an art-related industry, but he’d lost it because of his injured right hand. Luckily, he could still paint. Painting was the only thing he could still do.

 

Shen Mo’s tools had been abandoned for too long, currently collecting dust in the cabinet. Today, after the man went to work, Shen Mo took them out. He sorted them and thought about what to paint.

 

He wanted to paint Zhou Yang. Yet, for some reason, Zhou Yang was always obscured by a sheet of mist in his mind, blurry and indistinct. Never mind, Shen Mo thought, I’ll have Zhou Yang model for me after he comes back.

 

After much consideration, Shen Mo decided to paint the living room sofa. He hummed as he took out his tools. All was calm and pleasant until he took hold of the paintbrush.

 

Even though the injury had already healed, his right hand still throbbed painfully. As he let go of his grip, the paintbrush fell to the ground. In a hurry, Shen Mo bent to pick it up, but he couldn’t hold it no matter what he did. His fingers ached as if they were splintering. Shen Mo ground his teeth. Fragmented scenes flashed across his mind.

 

He was pressed down onto the ground. A man with a scarred face rested a foot on his hand and stepped down hard, laughing as he said something. Then the scene changed to a hospital room. A man he didn’t recognise said something similar to him and told him that his right hand had been seriously injured. The injury might leave behind long-term effects and impact his daily life.

 

Just what had happened? How had he hurt his hand? In confusion, Shen Mo fell to the ground and curled up in pain from his right hand. He took a while to catch his breath. Again, he strived to pick up the paintbrush, but the moment he got hold of it, his fingers trembled uncontrollably.

 

It was so painful. He had to let go of his grip and try again. He tried over and over again before finally giving up on something so meaningless. He still couldn’t remember anything, but he knew in his heart that he would no longer be able to paint.

 

Shen Mo lay on the ground for a long time. Only after the sun went down did he hear the door outside open. Zhou Yang was back.

 

Shen Mo finally recovered some strength and hastily got up to tidy up his tools. He didn’t want Zhou Yang to find out about this. But halfway through, the familiar man had already pushed the door open.

 

The man took a glance and asked, “What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing. I... I just did some cleaning.”

 

Shen Mo held the paint tools in his arms and tried to shove them back into the cabinet all at once. However, he was in such a hurry that he bumped into a corner of the table. Everything in his arms fell to the ground.

 

It was such a mess. Especially the paintbrushes, which rolled all over the floor.

 

Panicking, Shen Mo was afraid that Zhou Yang would find out. He bent over and picked them up one by one with his left hand, telling himself he’d never touch them again. The whole time he looked down, and gradually his motions grew slower and slower. When he reached for the last paintbrush, the man suddenly stepped on it.

 

Surprised, Shen Mo didn’t know if he should still pick it up. In the meantime, the man had already reached out and gently grasped Shen Mo’s chin, forcing Shen Mo to tilt his head. Their eyes met. The man’s pupils quivered.

 

Shen Mo found it somewhat strange and asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

The man said nothing, still gazing at Shen Mo. Shen Mo seemed to notice something. He lifted his hand to his face and felt a cold wetness. Embarrassed that he’d lost his composure, Shen Mo hurried to wipe his face with his hands, fibbing, “I think I slept too long in the afternoon...”

 

The man looked at Shen Mo deeply, his eyes dark enough to hide any emotion. A while later, he bent over to pick up the last paintbrush and put it in Shen Mo’s hand.

 

Shen Mo’s fingers bent somewhat unnaturally. Even though he managed to hold the paintbrush, his face paled from the pain. He cried out in a begging tone, “Zhou Yang...”

 

As soon as the man relaxed his hold, the paintbrush dropped to the ground again.

 

The man stared at Shen Mo and asked, “It hurts?”

 

Shen Mo drew in a breath, habitually hiding his right hand behind his back as he said, “It’s probably because it hasn’t completely healed yet. It’ll be fine once it heals.”

 

Shen Mo thought for a bit before he added, “It’s fine even if it doesn’t heal. If worse comes to worst, I’ll just give up painting and do something else. I can do sales or insurance consulting. I might even earn more.”

 

The man didn’t say anything. After Shen Mo finished talking to himself, he hurried into the kitchen and splashed his face with cold water. When he calmed down, he took some food out of the fridge and made several simple dishes. At dinner, the atmosphere was rather gloomy.

 

Both of them had their own concerns, so neither talked much. After dinner, the man opened his laptop to send a few emails, then lay down on the sofa to sleep. Shen Mo slept in the bedroom and looked at the man on the sofa through the parted door. He saw that the man kept turning about as if he couldn’t sleep well all night.

 

Shen Mo also woke up several times. He wasn’t too energetic when he got up the next day. But he had already made up his mind. He locked everything related to painting into the cabinet and went out to look for a job.

 

He hadn’t recovered yet, so he still couldn’t recognise other people’s faces. He wouldn’t be able to find a job in insurance consulting, but other jobs were easy to find. In just two days, he got a job as a grocery clerk. It was part-time, so he didn’t have to sign a contract. He negotiated the pay with the boss, and he could begin immediately.

 

Shen Mo worked hard, and he was willing to endure hardship. His boss was quite satisfied with his trial day. For lunch, Shen Mo didn’t go home either; instead, he had a working meal with his colleagues.

 

When Shen Mo was organising products in front of the shelves in the afternoon, he suddenly heard someone call his name, “Shen Mo!”

 

The call was quick and anxious, as though it concealed an indescribable feeling. Shen Mo recognised the voice and turned around. As expected, it was Zhou Yang.

 

“Zhou Yang? Why are you here?”

 

The man wasn’t wearing a suit. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and his tie had been loosened as well. He looked quite different from his usual composed self. Not saying a word, he strode up to Shen Mo, reached out, and pulled Shen Mo into his arms.

 

Slamming into the man’s chest, Shen Mo asked in surprise, “What’s wrong?”

 

The man tightened his grip and called Shen Mo’s name in a low voice, “Shen Mo?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Shen Mo...”

 

“Yes, it’s me.”

 

“Shen Mo...”

 

Shen Mo heard heartbeats. He didn’t know whether they belonged to him or the man.

 

The man closed his eyes and quickly suppressed his emotions. Gradually, he relaxed his arms and looked down at Shen Mo’s face, asking, “What are you doing here?”

 

“I got a job here. I’m working as a grocery clerk. It’s my first day on the job.”

 

The man seemed to be holding something back as he asked coldly, “You didn’t even leave behind a note?”

 

“Oh.” Shen Mo finally realised what had happened. “Did you think I’d gone missing?”

 

Shen Mo asked carefully, “Were... Were you looking for me this whole time?”

 

The man didn’t admit or deny anything. “You haven’t recovered yet. Don’t run around.”

 

Shen Mo noticed that the man’s breathing was heavy and that there was some sweat on his forehead. Wondering how long it had taken the man to reach here, he said, “Okay,” and asked, “You’re always so busy. How come today...?”

 

The man glanced at Shen Mo’s right hand and said, “I happened to be free, so I went home at noon.”

 

Shen Mo guessed that the man was worrying about him. In reality, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Painting was the only thing he couldn’t do. Working at a supermarket was also okay, wasn’t it?

 

Shen Mo’s work was far from finished. The man didn’t force him to go back; instead, he waited for him in his car outside the supermarket. At times when Shen Mo finished his tasks and looked around, he could always see the car parked opposite the supermarket.

 

Shen Mo got off work at three in the afternoon. When he left, he felt that the way his co-workers looked at him had changed somewhat. Many people had seen Zhou Yang hug him. Shen Mo was a little annoyed. He didn’t know if he could still come to work tomorrow.

 

They went back home. After dinner, the man slept on the sofa as usual. Shen Mo had had a busy day and fell asleep quickly. The man still tossed and turned on the sofa. In the end, he decided to get up altogether. Step by step, he walked to the bedroom.

 

Drowsy, Shen Mo patted the space beside him, inviting the man to sleep beside him. The man only sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for Shen Mo’s temple. He paused for a while, gently stroking Shen Mo’s hair. His voice sounded unusually hoarse in the night, “I’ve seen your paintings. They’re quite good.”

 

Shen Mo replied with a grin, “Of course.”

 

The man said, “Quit your job at the supermarket.”

 

Shen Mo was a little reluctant. “Why?”

 

The man searched for Shen Mo’s right hand in the dark, but he only held the very tip of it, whispering, “Let’s treat your hand, and you can keep on painting.”

 

The man kept his word. He quickly got in touch with the best hospitals and the top experts. Shen Mo quit his job at the supermarket and began to frequent the hospital. After much consultation, the conclusion was that his hand needed another operation.

 

Shen Mo wasn’t afraid. Medicine was so advanced nowadays. There was nothing to worry about. Zhou Yang, on the other hand, was much more nervous than he was.

 

Of course, the man didn’t reveal his anxiety on the surface. He always wore the same cold expression on his face. But the night before the operation, the man circled Shen Mo’s hospital bed again and again.

 

Dizzied by all the circling, Shen Mo reached over to hold the man’s hand, only to find the man's muscles extremely tense. But the man still comforted Shen Mo, “Don’t be afraid.”

 

“I’m not afraid.” Shen Mo found it funny to see the man act this way. “It’s just a small operation. It’ll be great if it succeeds, but there’s no harm even if it doesn’t.”

 

The man squeezed Shen Mo’s hand. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he gazed at Shen Mo and said, “Sometimes, I don’t quite understand you.”

 

“What?”

 

“You have a good temper, almost as if anyone can take advantage of you, but once you get stubborn, you refuse to give up no matter what.”

 

Shen Mo pretended to be angry. “Is that supposed to be good or bad?”

 

The man chuckled and drew closer to him, saying, “What do you think?”

 

The man’s voice was always low and pleasant. Right now, it sounded so close that it seemed to brush against Shen Mo’s ear. Shen Mo felt an itch in his heart. 

 

It was a pity that he had an operation tomorrow—he couldn’t mess around, even if he wanted to. He held onto the man’s hand. Noticing that the muscles there were still somewhat tense, he said tenderly, “Don’t be so nervous. The operation will be over by this time tomorrow.”

 

“It’s fine. I just don’t really like hospitals. My mother...”

 

“What?”

 

The man averted his gaze. He didn’t continue the subject and only said, “We can talk about it later. You should rest well today.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Shen Mo was in a relaxed mood. He slept well tonight as well. The next day, the operation turned out to be a great success. This was only the first step of the treatment, though. The man suggested moving out of the house again, but Shen Mo was unusually stubborn about it, refusing to give in. And so, the man let go of the matter.

 

Shen Mo had to go to the hospital every once in a while for rehabilitation. On top of that, he had to take quite a lot of medicine every day, especially traditional Chinese medicine, which tasted disgusting and was difficult to swallow. 

 

If it weren’t for the man’s company, Shen Mo didn’t even know if he could get through all this. The days were getting cold. A thick blanket had already replaced the thin one on the sofa. Shen Mo was rather sensitive to the cold. 

 

In winter, his hands froze easily. Knowing this, the man used medicinal liquor to massage his hands every day after dinner, starting from his fingertips and then kneading his fingers one by one. The work was quite tedious and often took a long time, but the man was never impatient.

 

Sometimes, Shen Mo would feel confused as well. Had Zhou Yang always had such a personality? The man seemed to be made of stone on the surface, hard and cold. Only when someone knocked open his shell and looked into him would they see just how soft he was on the inside.

 

But if he tried to recall how Zhou Yang used to be, he really remembered nothing. Oh, well—as long as Zhou Yang was right at his side, what else was there to worry about?

 

Shen Mo laughed at himself for overthinking. Watching the man massage his fingers with such dedication, he couldn’t help but call, “Zhou Yang.”

 

The man did not reply. The man often acted like this. Shen Mo had long since become used to it. He asked, “Do you think my right hand can really get better?”

 

“Of course.” The man didn’t even look up. “As long as you keep going, you’ll definitely be rewarded.”

 

Shen Mo smiled. The man often said Shen Mo was stubborn. But, in truth, the man was just the same.

 

“Zhou Yang,” Shen Mo looked down at the man’s handsome face and gently called the man’s name. “When my right hand heals, and I start painting again, you’ll be the first one I paint, okay?”

 

The man stopped for a moment before continuing to massage. He kneaded Shen Mo’s fingers one by one, then rubbed them together in his palm. Even Shen Mo’s fingertips felt the heat.

 

The man lowered his eyes. Refusing to give Shen Mo a single glance, he gazed intently at Shen Mo’s hand before he finally replied, “... Okay.”

 

Now that his hands were warm, Shen Mo grew somewhat tired. Somehow, he fell asleep on the sofa. It wasn’t a deep sleep; he was still vaguely conscious. He felt the man drape a blanket over him and circle him twice. This was how the man acted when he was nervous.

 

Finding this strange, Shen Mo noticed the man bend over, his breath drawing closer and closer. Then, almost unnoticeably, his warm lips brushed against Shen Mo’s temple.