The Crow Club: Over My Dead Body

Chapter 8.

That night, Rak asked if they could leave the bedside lamp on. Van was used to sleeping in complete darkness, but he didn’t refuse. He might be hopeless when it comes to emotions, but he wasn’t heartless. 

 

After seeing Rak curled up on the floor outside the bathroom, crying like that, he’d have to be the cruellest person alive to say, “No. We have to sleep with the lights off.”

 

But even after lying in bed for over an hour, Rak was still wide awake. The reason was probably that he hadn’t really closed his eyes. He swore he’d tried.

 

After Van wished him goodnight, he’d shut his eyes—but the moment everything fell silent, they snapped open again into the dimly lit room. Fear gnawed relentlessly at his heart every time he tried to fall asleep. It felt as though someone was watching him from somewhere in the room. And the moment he closed his eyes, that someone would be standing right beside his bed.

 

Rak tucked his feet beneath the blanket and stared anxiously at the ceiling. He tried turning onto his side but only lasted a moment before rolling back onto his back. The space behind him made him panic. He’d never even watched a horror movie in his life. Yet somehow his head was full of terrifying scenes.

 

Even though Van was sleeping less than a metre away, he still couldn’t calm himself. He wasn’t alone. Then again, ghosts didn’t only appear when people were alone. The last time, Kalaha had stood over Van while he slept beside the bed. She’d appeared outside the bar while Rak was with Karn. She’d shown herself many times back when they were still dating.

 

She didn’t care whether he was alone or not.

She came whenever she wanted and vanished whenever she pleased.

 

“Rak.”

 

Van suddenly spoke into the silence. Rak’s heart lurched. He’d thought Van had fallen asleep ages ago.

 

“Can’t sleep?”

 

“How did you know?”

 

“You keep fidgeting.”

 

He noticed that? Even with his eyes closed?

 

“Sorry,” Rak murmured.

 

“I’ll try to sleep.”

 

“Feeling sleepy now?”

 

“Not really… but I’ll try.”

 

“You can’t try to fall asleep,” Van said lazily. His voice didn’t sound like someone who had just woken up. Rak guessed Van had been awake this whole time too. Whether it was because he couldn’t sleep himself or because Rak kept moving, he wasn’t sure.

 

“Have you tried counting sheep?”

 

“I don’t count sheep.”

 

Rak shook his head.

 

“When I count sheep, I feel like I can’t breathe properly.”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“It feels like swimming.”

 

“Whenever I count sheep, I end up trying to match my breathing to the counting. Then I become too aware of my breathing, and it feels like I’m forcing myself to breathe instead of just breathing naturally.”

 

“Yeah.” Van chuckled softly.

 

“Just like swimming.”

 

Rak blinked.

 

“You’re right… It’s the same thing.”

 

“If you keep thinking while you’re swimming, you’ll mess yourself up. Once you know how to swim, you just let your body do what it already remembers.”

 

“If you keep thinking, I have to fall asleep, then you won’t fall asleep either.”

 

“So… some things only work once we stop thinking about them?”

 

“I guess so.”

 

Rak wished everything in life worked that way.

That everything could move on by itself…

 

Without him obsessing over it.

Without becoming attached.

Without fearing he’d ruin it.

 

If all he had to do was let go and everything would naturally be okay, then maybe he wouldn’t feel so lost anymore.

 

“Did I ever tell you I liked your play?” Van asked casually.

 

Rak suddenly realised he hadn’t heard Van’s opinion about the performance at all.

 

“Really?”

 

“Really. It was good.” He smiled. “The set design was beautiful. Definitely worthy of Architecture students.”

 

“I helped paint some of the sets,” Rak said. 

 

“Just a little.”

 

“The actors were good too.”

 

To his own surprise, that simple compliment made Rak blush even though Van hadn’t specifically been talking about him.

 

“I don’t usually like romantic comedies,” Van continued. “Watching your play made me realise they’re actually the kind of stories that leave you feeling good afterwards.”

 

“So you’ve never seen the original?”

 

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never watched it.” He pronounced the English title carefully.

 

“10 Things I Hate About You.”

 

“I guess I should finally watch it.”

 

“I recommend it,” Rak said. “It’s a classic.”

Van grinned.

 

“If you had to list ten things you hate about me… could you do it?”

 

“No.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I can think of hundreds.”

 

“Ten isn’t nearly enough.”

 

Van sighed dramatically.

 

“That’s exactly the kind of terrible little brat you are.”

 

Rak laughed, almost forgetting what he’d been so frightened of just moments ago. Rolling onto his side to face Van’s bed, he rested his head on one arm instead of his pillow.

 

Van lay on his back staring at the ceiling, lazily wiggling his toes as though he didn’t have a care in the world.

 

“How did it feel,” Van asked, “playing the guy who keeps encouraging the person he likes to go after someone else?”

 

“It didn’t really feel like anything.” Rak shrugged.

 

“My character and Karn’s weren’t dating anyway.”

 

“I know. I mean, while you were acting. Didn’t it bother you at all?”

 

“Hmm…” Rak thought for a moment.

“No. Not really.”

 

“What about Karn’s scenes with the heroine?”

Van wasn’t giving up.

 

“Their chemistry was really good. You seriously didn’t feel anything?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“You’re cold.”

 

Rak laughed.

 

“It’s acting.”

 

“Karn and Khwan are both good actors. Of course the audience would get invested.”

 

“The only reason you weren’t bothered…” Van said knowingly, “…is because you knew Karn still liked you.”

 

Rak blinked.

“How do you know Karn still likes me?”

 

“It isn’t exactly hard to tell,” Van replied matter-of-factly.

 

“If he didn’t, why would he keep hanging around you after you’d already broken up?”

 

“Hey.” Rak laughed.

 

“Don’t say he’s ‘hanging around’ me.”

 

“He is.”

 

“Every time I come to pick you up, he’s there.”

 

“He?”

 

“Karn.”

 

“Mr Handsome Ex-Boyfriend.”

 

“Our leading man.”

 

Rak burst out laughing when Van immediately corrected himself after being called out—and even piled on a string of honorary titles afterwards.

 

Honestly, Rak hadn’t minded the wording. He just found it amusing that someone as emotionally oblivious as Van was suddenly analysing his relationships when Rak had always assumed Van never paid attention to those kinds of things at all.

 

“You’ve never even been in love,” Rak teased. “What would you know?”

 

Van groaned.

“Why does everyone always say that to me?”

 

It sounded like he’d heard those words far more than once or twice.

 

“Because it’s true,” Rak laughed. “You said it yourself. You’ve never been in love.”

 

“I haven’t,” Van admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand it.”

 

“You understand love?”

 

“I do.”

 

He answered without hesitation. Rak was surprised that Van was taking such a silly accusation so seriously.

 

“I understood your play. I got completely invested.”

 

“A play isn’t the same as real life.”

 

“But plays are written from real life,” Van argued stubbornly.

 

“The only difference is people don’t usually break into song while they’re talking.”

 

Whatever Van said, Rak couldn’t stop laughing. The past twenty-four hours had drained him physically and emotionally. Yet talking to Van made laughter come so easily.

His fear…His anxiety…They shrank away for a while, hiding somewhere out of sight. Even bickering over ridiculous things eased the ache in his heart.

 

Rak hadn’t even noticed that he no longer disliked Van’s competitive streak as much as he used to.

 

“You really liked my play, didn’t you?” Rak couldn’t help feeling proud that something he’d worked so hard on had managed to soften even Van’s stubborn heart.

 

“Why would I lie?”

 

“Then who was your favourite character?”

 

“You.”

 

Rak knew what Van meant. But hearing him say it so plainly still made his imagination wander. He knew Van wasn’t implying anything. No… Van wasn’t thinking anything at all. Van was straight. And straight men never seemed to realise how the things they said could sound.

 

“But my character manipulated everyone,” Rak pointed out. “He was the one pulling all the strings. Everything he did was for himself.”

 

“True.” Van nodded. 

 

“The methods were kind of awful.”

 

“But he learned French just for the girl he liked.”

 

“Someone with that kind of passion?”

 

“How is that not cool?”

 

Rak smiled to himself. Listening to Van talk about love always made him strangely flustered. And at the same time, without even realising it, Van had answered one of the tiny questions Rak had been carrying around.

 

“So you like people who devote themselves to love.”

 

“Obviously,” Van answered immediately.

 

“It’s the same as how I love robots. I give everything I’ve got to robotics. When you truly love something, there’s no such thing as it not being worth it.”

 

Look at him…Rak thought. A guy like this could make someone fall for him without even trying.

That’s so unfair.

 

“But loving robots and loving a person aren’t the same thing.”

 

“Love is love.”

 

“What’s the difference?”

 

Come to think of it…Van compared everything to robots. Back then, hadn’t he said something like—“I don’t expect anything from robots, so I don’t have to be afraid of getting hurt.” Or something along those lines.

 

“I thought you said loving robots was different because you don’t expect anything in return.”

 

Rak wasn’t trying to corner him. He genuinely thought Van’s logic was starting to contradict itself.

 

“So which is it?”

 

“Is loving a person the same as loving robots or isn’t it?”

 

Van fell silent. Inside, Rak was secretly celebrating. For the first time, he’d managed to leave Van speechless. Did that mean… I’d finally won? After a long pause, Van finally sighed.

 

“I guess there are parts that are the same…and parts that are different.”

 

And just like that—He surrendered far too easily.

 

“Then maybe loving someone isn’t such a bad thing after all,” Rak said lazily.

 

He was oddly disappointed that his “victory” hadn’t felt nearly as satisfying as he’d imagined.

 

“Maybe you should try falling in love with someone.”

 

“I probably should.”

 

Rak’s heart skipped. He’d only said it casually. He’d expected Van to protest immediately— “No way! Love is a pain. I’m never falling in love. I LOVE ROBOTS!” —or something along those lines.

 

Instead Van had answered softly, “I probably should.”

 

What was that supposed to mean? Had that heartless jerk actually become interested in romance after getting so invested in Rak’s play? What was happening to the world?

 

“What do you mean?” Rak asked quietly.

 

“Just what I said.”

 

Van sounded as though there was nothing unusual or complicated about it.

 

“Love doesn’t seem that bad.”

 

“Maybe… I’ll end up liking someone someday.”

 

Once the year’s biggest project—the stage play—was finally over, Rak barely had time to breathe before life as an architecture student plunged him straight back into hell.

 

Exams.

Final projects.

Exams.

Assignments.

Exams.

More assignments.

 

Everything revolved around studying and finishing the final project that would determine how his semester ended.

 

Karn kept trying to act as though everything was normal. He greeted Rak every day. Teased him like always. Offered to help him study and volunteered to walk to class. Rak turned him down every single time.

 

Again.

And again.

Eventually he stopped making excuses.

 

No more,

“I already have plans.”

Or,

“I have somewhere to be.”

Or,

“I’m too tired today.”

 

Instead, he told the truth.

 

“Please don’t do this anymore.”

“It isn’t worth it.”

 

Then he forced himself to ignore the hurt in Karn’s eyes. Pretending it no longer affected him. Of course…It wasn’t easy. Watching Karn look so heartbroken felt like swallowing poison.

But every time Rak found himself beginning to soften, that night replayed in his mind. Again.

And again. Like a commercial that refused to end.

 

Karn convulsing on the ground. Rak crying helplessly beside him. That could never happen again. It was far worse than swallowing bitter medicine. It was poison, the kind that would destroy both himself and everyone he loved.

 

As for Van… The two of them mostly just exchanged messages.

 

“Did she appear?”

“Did you see anything?”

“Did you hear anything?”

 

Reading the conversation back made them sound like two lunatics obsessing over some bizarre cult. But that didn’t matter. The important thing was Kalaha hadn’t appeared again since that night.

 

Even though Rak had never actually seen her with his own eyes the way everyone else had, he'd heard her voice.

 

Clear.

Sharp.

Still echoing in his memory.

 

“You’ll be ruined because of men!”

 

“Pervert!”

 

Rak had always thought Kalaha hated everyone. But that night she'd only talked about men.

 

She said he’d “be destroyed because of men.”

Was it a threat? Or a prophecy? Maybe she’d suffered something in life that made her hate men.

 

But if that was true, wasn’t that completely unreasonable? If she hated men, what did that have to do with him? Was he supposed to hate them too? He was a man himself. No matter how much he thought about it, he still couldn’t understand what she really wanted.

 

Van couldn’t explain it either. According to Van, Kalaha had never said anything meaningful to him. She’d mostly just cursed at him—using words he only half understood and repeatedly ordering him to stay away from Rak.

 

The same way she’d treated Karn, and so many other people who had entered Rak’s life. None of those clues helped. They only led Rak back to the same conclusion.

 

Kalaha wanted to separate him from the entire world. To leave him alone until he died, crushed beneath disappointment and loneliness.

 

So now Rak clung to the only clue he had.

Men. He deliberately kept his distance from every man in his life. There weren’t many. First was Karn. Second was Van. Van had no idea Rak was intentionally avoiding him. He believed Rak’s repeated excuses about being busy. The result was exactly what Rak had hoped for.

 

Everything stayed peaceful.

No one was haunted.

No one was attacked.

No one got hurt.

 

Everyone remained safe simply because Rak stopped letting anyone get close to him. Well, except for Mamiao. She was perfectly fine.

 

Nothing strange ever happened to her. Rak wondered if Mamiao was like Namkhing. Maybe Kalaha ignored female friends. But even then he still couldn’t figure out what those two had in common. Why were they accepted while everyone else was pushed away?

 

In the end, everything pointed in completely different directions. Or could his family have been right all along? That the ancestral spirits protected their descendants by driving away evil?

 

But if that were true, then it would mean almost everyone in Rak’s life was evil. 

 

Everyone who wasn’t family.

Everyone who wasn’t related by blood.

Everyone…

Including Karn.

Including Van.

 

How could that possibly be? Karn was a good person. He had treated Rak well from the very beginning, never once failing him—as a friend or as a lover. And Van…

 

Even though they hadn’t known each other for very long, they’d already been through so much together. They had shared pieces of themselves honestly, without pretending. Rak believed he knew Van. Van had more than ten annoying habits, certainly—but none of those could erase the simple truth that he wasn’t a bad person. Rak didn’t understand. He honestly had no idea what he was supposed to do anymore.

 

“What?”

 

Van’s flat, lifeless voice greeted Linda the moment he stepped into her office.

 

“Could you try speaking like a civilised human being for once, Van?” the madam grumbled immediately. This was exactly why Van always felt drained whenever he was summoned downstairs.

 

The family atmosphere at the club was nice in many ways. There was always food, it felt like living at home, and there were hardly any rules. The downside was that their boss acted less like a boss and more like everyone’s mother.

 

“Sit.”

 

Van shuffled over and dropped into the chair opposite Linda’s desk. Her desk was buried beneath towering stacks of invoices and paperwork, which meant accounting week had arrived again. She was probably drowning in numbers, making him wonder why she’d called him down now.

 

Please don’t tell me she’s kicking me out…

 

He’d only mouthed off to his real mother a few days ago. If Linda threw him out now, he’d have no choice but to crawl home and beg for forgiveness.

 

“I’m telling you now—if you’re kicking me out today, the only place that’ll take me is under a bridge.”

 

“There are already people living under bridges,” Linda replied without looking up from her paperwork. “And they wouldn’t take someone like you either.”

 

Her finger traced down a document while her other hand tapped rapidly on a calculator. Van sometimes wondered if her stories about once being a foreign executive’s secretary were actually true. She seemed capable of doing anything she put her mind to. Either she’d been worked to death in a past job, or she had some superhuman disorder.

 

“I’m not kicking you out,” Linda said at last. “I just want an update on Rak’s case. You’ve been working on it for a while now, but I haven’t heard anything.”

 

Van let out a quiet sigh of relief. At least he wasn’t homeless. Unfortunately, a different headache replaced that fear almost instantly. He had no idea how to make the investigation sound like it was actually making progress.

 

“It’s… going,” he answered weakly.

 

“‘Going’ means what, exactly?” Linda asked evenly. “When you worked for that foreign company, did people give project updates by saying, ‘It’s… going’?”

 

If Linda was the mother of this household, she was the kind of mother who constantly nagged her children, kept them in line, smoked wherever she pleased, told everyone else to watch their language while swearing like a sailor herself, acted like an airheaded diva despite being frighteningly intelligent. 

 

Everything about her contradicted itself. And honestly? Van thought that was pretty cool. If she’d been an ordinary conservative middle-aged woman, he never would’ve followed her here all those years ago.

 

“I’ve met the ghost,” Van finally admitted. “I’ve talked to her. It just hasn’t gotten us very far. Every time she shows up, all she does is threaten people and try to beat the crap out of me. The fact I’m still alive is already a miracle.”

 

“And what exactly did you talk about?”

 

“I asked what she wanted. Asked if she knew how much Rak was suffering because of all this. Told her Rak wanted to settle things peacefully and be left alone.”

 

“And?”

 

“She just keeps repeating the same two lines.”

 

“Stay away from Rak.”

 

“I’m going to kill you.”

 

“Over and over.”

 

Linda finally looked up at him.

 

“So she doesn’t like you either?”

 

“Doesn’t like me?” Van snorted.

 

“She hates my guts. Just seeing my face makes her furious.”

 

Linda nodded thoughtfully. Normally, she let the kids handle whatever cases they accepted on their own. She would ask for progress updates now and then unless the case was unusually difficult. Or unusually dangerous. Or paid exceptionally well. Only then would she step in to help plan their next move—or solve whatever problem they had run into.

 

No one wanted to let a big case slip away after investing so much time and effort into it.

 

“So… she hates everyone?” Linda asked.

 

“Not everyone. Aside from Rak’s family, he has two female friends who’ve never encountered Kalah at all.”

 

“Female friends…” Linda repeated, deep in thought. “Why are the ones who are spared women? Has there never been a man?”

 

“Not that I know of. Rak doesn’t really have close male friends. He had a few when he was little, but once they got close enough, the ghost scared them off. They all ran for the hills. So most of his friends ended up being girls.”

He paused before adding,

 

“Though not every woman is spared, either. But one thing’s for sure—the guys Rak likes, the guys who flirt with him, the ones he dates, his boyfriends… every single one of them gets targeted. And she goes after them hard.”

 

Linda’s elegant brows knitted together. Van’s case had clearly occupied her mind so completely that she’d forgotten all about the accounting work piled in front of her.

 

“Has Rak ever dated a woman?”

 

“No,” Van answered confidently. “He’s liked men ever since he was a kid.”

 

“Does his family know?”

 

“You mean that he’s gay? I think so.”

 

“And do they support him?”

 

That was one question Van couldn’t answer.

Thinking back, Rak had never talked about it.

Whenever he mentioned home, it was always about ghosts—the rituals, the family beliefs, the traditions. 

 

Outside of that, he’d talk about the fruit orchard. Sometimes he’d casually mention his parents, for example, that his mother loved silver jewellery. The most personal thing Van knew was that Rak had inherited a great deal from his grandmother.

 

“I’m not sure,” Van admitted honestly. “He’s never talked about it.”

 

“Did he ever tell you why he chose to study here? Why not somewhere closer to home?”

 

“He said he wanted a fresh start. He thought that if he moved far enough away, maybe the ghost wouldn’t follow him.”

 

“Is that all?”

 

Van was surprised Linda seemed so focused on that point. To him, it was simple enough. Rak had said it himself. He came to Bangkok because he wanted to get away from home. To escape the thing that haunted him. To finally have the freedom he’d never had. That was all there was to it…Wasn’t it?

 

“You don’t think he was only running away from the ghost?” Van asked cautiously. He had a feeling she was beginning to see something he hadn’t.

 

“No,” Linda replied. “I do think he was running from the ghost.”

 

She paused.

 

“I just think there may have been something else he was running from as well.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“If Kalah really is Rak’s ancestral spirit, then 

she has to be connected to his family somehow. The beliefs his family holds today may very well have been passed down from their ancestors.”

 

“So… you think this has something to do with Rak being gay?”

 

“It’s only a hypothesis.”

 

Linda’s eyes grew noticeably dimmer. Van had the feeling part of her wanted the theory to be true, because it would bring them one step closer to solving the case. But another part desperately hoped she was wrong.

 

Because if a young man had been forced to leave the home he’d grown up in simply because he wasn’t accepted, that was heartbreaking.

 

“If there are certain women Kalah allows near him, but not a single man is ever spared,” Linda continued, “then this is one possible explanation.”

 

If all of this if everything Rak had endured was simply because he was gay…Van didn’t even want to imagine how completely Rak would fall apart upon learning the truth. And then what? Would he have to change who he was? Change his heart? Force himself to love only the kind of person his family would approve of? It made no sense.

 

“Van.”

 

Linda’s voice pulled him back when she noticed he’d been sitting there in silence, lost in his own thoughts.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Are you sure… that’s everything?”

 

“I’m sure,” Van replied confidently. “That’s honestly all I know.”

 

Linda looked at him seriously.

 

“Your job is simply to do what the client hired you to do. Finish the job, get paid. You don’t need to think any further than that. You’re not responsible for his life.”

 

“I know.” Van shrugged casually, not seeming to understand why she felt the need to remind him. This wasn’t his first job, after all.

 

“I’m not planning to do anything. I want the money. All I’m thinking about is how to finish the job and get paid.”

 

On the days he didn’t see Rak, Van had nothing to do except indulge in his hobbies. It wasn’t a bad arrangement. Staying home all day, doing whatever he wanted, while technically being “at work”—who wouldn’t enjoy that?

 

It wasn’t that he refused to work. It was just that his client had nothing for him to do. So lately, Van’s life felt like being paid to sit around waiting for further instructions. And yet for some reason, he couldn’t settle down. He was restless. He figured it was because he wanted to see Rak. If they never met, then he’d never encounter Kalah either, which meant the case would drag on even longer.

 

But another part of him didn’t want to see Rak.

Because every time they were together, he found himself doing stupid things. The kind that could make his heart stop.

 

A knock came at the door while Van was sprawled dramatically across his bed, flailing around like he’d been electrocuted. The sound made him collapse flat again with an exhausted sigh.

 

“It’s… unlocked…”

 

The door opened immediately. Van hadn’t even realised someone else was home.

 

“Aren’t you at rehearsal?” he asked in surprise when he saw Patee. Patee leaned into the room, expression as blank as ever, looking at Van lying on the bed.

 

“I’m sick.”

 

“Oh? What’s wrong?”

 

“A cold.”

 

He answered as though he’d been falsely accused of having one.

 

“They wouldn’t let me go to rehearsal. They were afraid I’d infect everyone else.”

 

“That’s the right call.”

 

Van slowly pushed himself upright. Meanwhile, Patee wandered over and dropped into Van’s reading chair.

 

“If you’re sick, you should rest. You shouldn’t make everyone else sick too.”

 

He frowned.

 

“So why the long face?”

 

“I don’t feel that sick.”

 

“I didn’t want to skip.”

 

Van stared at his perpetually sleepy-looking friend with utter disbelief.

 

“What is with you and working so hard, you idiot?”

 

He genuinely couldn’t understand. Patee always looked exhausted. He almost never got proper rest. Yet somehow he still acted like he wasn’t doing enough. People really were never satisfied with themselves.

 

“Take a break once in a while.” He grinned.

 

“Even dream chasers have to sleep.”

 

“I am resting.”

 

“Then go to bed.”

 

“I came for medicine.”

 

Patee’s voice was muffled through his stuffy nose.

 

“Linda said the antihistamines are with you.”

 

“Oh, right.”

 

Van jumped off the bed and opened a small drawer in his desk. He took out a packet of pills and handed it over.

 

Everyone living in the house kept their own medication, but Linda also maintained a communal stash of over-the-counter medicine.

It was practically a miniature pharmacy. Since Van rarely got sick and had no chronic illnesses, he didn’t keep any personal medication. Whenever he did get sick, he went downstairs and asked Linda for whatever he needed.

 

“I forgot to return these.”

 

“You had a cold too?”

 

“No.”

 

“Allergies?”

 

“No.”

 

Van flopped back onto the bed.

 

“I got them for Rak.”

 

“He couldn’t sleep.”

 

Patee looked at the packet.

 

“You can use allergy medicine for that?”

 

“Sort of. It’s not ideal if you need to stay awake, but it’ll make you sleepy.”

 

Patee nodded slowly.

 

“So after you finally started sleeping normally…”

 

“…Rak became the one who couldn’t sleep.”

Van laughed.

 

“It was only that one night. It’s not like what I had.”

 

“If he kept having insomnia, I wouldn’t keep giving him antihistamines.”

 

“I’d drag him to a doctor instead.”

 

“When you were the one who couldn’t sleep, you never thought about seeing a doctor.”

 

“That’s because I’m amazing,” Van replied with complete confidence. “My body heals itself.”

 

“Edgelord.”

 

“Says the edgelord.”

 

“You’re just worried about him.”

 

Patee said it casually, without any deeper meaning. Van knew Patee usually wasn’t very aware of other people’s feelings. But somehow Van was the one who started reading too much into those words.

 

And now he couldn’t stop overthinking them. He argued with himself in his head, wondering whether he should say anything or keep quiet.

 

Meanwhile, Patee tossed a pill into his mouth and casually grabbed the bottle of water sitting on Van’s desk, drinking from it as if it belonged to him. The only things on the sleepy idiot’s mind were probably his blocked nose and going back to bed.

 

Van, on the other hand, was considering tormenting a sick person with the question that had been bothering him for days.

 

“Hey, Tee.”

 

Patee looked at him silently, his way of saying, I’m listening.

 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend? Or… a 

partner?”

 

Patee slowly shook his head. That answer wasn’t very surprising. Van had always assumed someone like Patee wasn’t interested in dating. Actually…neither was he.

 

“Have you ever liked anyone, then?”

 

This time, Patee paused to think. Then he nodded. Now that caught Van’s attention.

 

“Who?”

 

“No.”

 

The refusal came immediately and firmly. It was obvious this topic was off-limits. If Van kept pressing, the conversation would end right there.

 

“Okay.” Van raised both hands in surrender. “I won’t ask.”

 

Patee was probably the only person Van had no desire to tease.

 

“So… was it a guy or a girl?”

 

“No.”

 

Apparently that question was off-limits too. Van muttered under his breath. “What the hell…”

 

Maybe Patee wasn’t the right person to ask after all. Still…

 

“Then how did you know you liked them?”

Patee blinked.n“…You just know.”

 

“There wasn’t some kind of sign?”

 

“What sign?”

 

“I mean… some moment. Some event that made you realise for sure.”

 

Patee fell silent again. He looked out the window as though searching for the answer somewhere beyond the glass. Van stared at his introverted friend without blinking.

 

He wanted the answer desperately but forced himself to stay calm. The moment Patee felt pressured, he’d walk away.

 

“…Like now.”

 

Patee suddenly murmured, almost as if speaking to himself.

 

“Huh?”

 

Patee turned back to meet Van’s eyes. His face remained completely expressionless.

 

“Like what it is now.”

 

“Now?” Van frowned. “You mean… right now? You’re secretly in love with someone?”

 

 

“No.” Patee shook his head. Then he lifted a finger and pointed directly at Van.

 

“Like what you’re doing right now.”

 

Van’s back straightened instinctively. Some primitive instinct told him to put a little more distance between himself and Patee. Because the look in Patee’s eyes and the answer he’d just given only left Van more confused and far more unsettled than before.

 

“Interested. Curious. Restless.”

 

Patee spoke slowly. He wasn’t referring to anyone or any specific situation in particular; he was thinking aloud, answering based on what he understood. But Van felt like he’d been caught completely off guard. It felt as though Patee was talking about him. About his situation.

 

“Because you can’t stop thinking about them… that’s how you know you like them.”

 

Maybe clueless people really did have some sixth sense.

 

“So you’re saying I’m secretly in love with someone?”

 

“No.” Patee shrugged. “I meant that just now, you really wanted to know what my answer was. So I answered. When you like someone, you want to know about them. You pay attention to them. You think about them.”

 

Van decided he should just shut his mouth. His brain was working much slower than usual, and it was starting to become a danger to himself.

 

“I wasn’t saying you have a crush on me.”

 

“Are you insane?” Van shot back immediately. “I wasn’t talking about liking you.”

 

“So you like someone else?”

 

Right. He really should have kept his mouth shut. Completely shut. Because even though Patee often acted absent-minded and was slow in many situations, he wasn’t stupid. In fact, he was observant in the most unexpected ways.

 

The only good thing about talking to Patee was that Van could be certain this conversation would never be repeated to anyone—because the guy barely talked to people in the first place.

 

“Nope,” Van replied with the most unnatural smile Patee had ever seen. “I was just asking out of curiosity.”

 

“A guy?”

 

“I told you, I don’t like anyone.”

 

“Okay. Then keep asking.”

 

“What?”

 

“Hm?” Van blinked in confusion. Patee had suddenly shifted the conversation. Or maybe not. It felt more like he was deliberately leading Van somewhere else.

 

“About having a crush. What else do you want to know?”

 

“Since when did you become this talkative?”

 

“Just now.”

 

Van was beginning to think this had been a terrible idea. He never should’ve brought this topic up with Patee.

 

His phone buzzed with a notification while he was silently regretting everything, but Patee’s calm, unwavering gaze made it impossible for Van to look away.

 

“Do people act… weird around the person they like?” Van asked.

 

Even though he knew he shouldn’t continue, he couldn’t stop. This was definitely a hereditary flaw—he’d been born incapable of letting his curiosity rest.

 

“Like… sometimes you feel completely normal. Relaxed. Comfortable. You can even fall asleep. But other times your stomach twists, your chest feels funny, and your arms and legs don’t know what to do.”

 

“It depends on the person,” Patee replied. “But from what you’re describing… yeah, that sounds possible.”

 

“I think about them before I go to sleep.”

 

“That’s normal. Whatever’s on your mind during the day tends to follow you into the night.”

 

“I think about them as soon as I wake up too.”

 

“Then maybe that’s your first thought of the day.”

 

“I keep thinking every notification is a message from them.”

 

“Maybe you’re waiting for them.”

 

“And when it isn’t… I’m disappointed.”

 

“That’s normal too,” Patee said. “You’re disappointed.”

 

“I really love it when I make a joke, and he laughs.”

 

“Well—”

 

“And I absolutely hate myself whenever I accidentally say something mean and hurt him.”

 

Van, who, just minutes ago, had decided he should keep his mouth shut, was long gone. Now, the restless Van was practically banging his head against the wall, spilling out feelings he didn’t even understand himself.

 

“Sometimes I don’t like the way he thinks… but other times I want him to tell me what he’s thinking. I get annoyed listening to him… but I still want to hear it.”

 

Where was all of this coming from?

 

“He can’t sleep, and then I can’t sleep. He’s upset, and I get upset. He cries, and I get angry at myself—even though I didn’t do anything wrong. He’s crying because of something else, but I still hate myself because I can’t do anything to help him.”

 

He hadn’t come to Patee intending to talk about this. It hadn’t even crossed his mind. If there was anything he should’ve been asking, it should’ve been things like, “Have you ever talked to a ghost? How do you get one to listen?” or “Know any charms that can get rid of ghosts?”

 

Those were the things that actually mattered for his job.

 

“I want to stay close to him… but I know I can’t get too close. Holding his hand isn’t something I should do. Hugging him isn’t something I should do. Kissing…” 

 

He let out a dry laugh. 

 

“…I shouldn’t even be thinking about that. Honestly, there are a lot of things I want to do, but I shouldn’t do any of them for a whole bunch of reasons. Even imagining it feels weird, like it doesn’t suit me. But at the same time I feel like it’d be really damn nice.”

 

He sighed. “But… it’ll never happen.”

 

“So…” Patee asked casually.

 

“Have you ever wanted to sleep with him?”

 

The room instantly fell silent, as if no one was there. Van’s eyes flew wide open. The colour drained from his face, only to flood back a few seconds later in a brilliant crimson. He looked like a piece of metal left in a fire—seconds away from melting.

 

“…I was kidding,” Van mumbled weakly.

 

Patee stared at him.

Without blinking.

Without saying a word.

 

Van was certain he’d completely horrified him. They had never talked about anything remotely like this before. It was way too weird.

 

“M-M—”

 

I’m screwed.

 

He desperately wished the antihistamine would finally make Patee drowsy so he’d fall asleep right then and there. Instead, Patee smiled.

 

“So you do have someone you like.”

 

“H-Huh?”

 

“And it’s a guy.”

 

“W-Where did you get that from? I never said that!”

 

“You can just tell.”

 

Patee smiled again, then actually raised an eyebrow with a smug expression Van had never seen on him before.

 

“It takes one ghost to recognise another.”

 

Rak didn’t absorb a single thing during his afternoon lecture. It felt as though he’d walked into the classroom, warped into outer space, and then, three hours later, found himself walking back out again.

 

Karn still hadn’t given up. He kept trying to convince Rak to study together, even after Rak had snapped,

 

“Do you want to end up foaming at the mouth again?”

 

But Karn replied that he didn’t remember any of that happening. So he wasn’t afraid. So what? Are you not scared… but have you ever stopped to think that I am?

 

In the end, Rak resorted to something cruel. He asked Karn to buy him a drink. The moment Karn walked away, Rak turned and ran. He knew it was an awful thing to do. He felt so guilty he could barely stand it. But if letting Karn stay close would only lead to something terrible happening to him again, then Rak would rather become the terrible thing himself.

 

Rak chose to run out through the side of the lecture building. There weren’t many people around there. If Karn came looking for him, he’d probably check the main entrance first.

By the time he realised Rak had slipped out the side, Rak would already be long gone. The route to the station from this side was a bit longer, but it was safer. And maybe… this was fate.

 

Rak narrowed his eyes at the man standing beneath a tree near the building’s exit, absorbed in his phone. He tried telling himself it was probably just another student who had finished class. But that was hard to believe. The tall frame. That unmistakable shock of white hair gleaming in the afternoon sunlight.

 

The only thing that seemed off was his outfit. In Rak’s mind, Van should’ve been dressed like he was about to perform at some indie rock concert—not wearing a crisp white button-up shirt like this. What’s with him?

 

“I don’t remember asking you to pick me up,” Rak said as he walked over.

 

No matter how he looked at it, it was definitely the person he thought it was.

 

“Hm?” Van looked up from his phone, raising an eyebrow in mild surprise.

 

“Oh? You have classes in this building too?”

 

…What? Wasn’t he here for Rak?

 

“What’s wrong?” Van grinned mischievously when Rak stayed silent. “Did you think I came to see you? If you wanted me to, you could’ve just said so.”

 

“I was just wondering,” Rak replied, “if you weren’t here for me… then what are you doing here? Enrolling in university again?”

 

“Oh, come on.” Van laughed. “What else is there left for someone like me to study?”

 

He kept smiling, wiggling his eyebrows in that teasing way that always got under Rak’s skin.

Rak had to use every ounce of self-control not to punch him in the arm. All he managed was an eye roll and a sigh.

 

“Look at that face. Sulking already?”

 

“I’m sulking at your aunt’s house.”

 

“There you go again.”

 

“So? That’s how I talk.”

 

“Heh, heh, heh.”

 

Van mimicked him again. But when he realised Rak wasn’t playing along, he finally stopped. With a quiet sigh, he answered normally.

 

“I’m here for work.”

 

“What kind of work?” Rak asked flatly.

 

“I thought you said you weren’t taking any other jobs right now.”

 

“Well…” Van shrugged.

 

“You haven’t given me anything to do.”

 

“I’ve been sitting around doing nothing for days. This job only takes a few hours, so I figured I’d take it.”

 

“Just earning a little snack money.”

 

Rak wasn’t actually bothered that Van had accepted another job. He’d never forbidden it in the first place. As long as the extra work didn’t interfere with the job Rak had hired him for, he had no problem with it. In fact, it had been Linda who suggested Van temporarily stop taking other jobs so he could focus entirely on Rak’s case. But… Maybe there wasn’t much left to focus on anymore.

 

“What?” Van asked after Rak stayed silent. “You don’t want me taking other jobs?”

 

“Today you told me you were busy. You said you didn’t have anything for me to do. Didn’t you?”

 

“I did.”

 

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it.”

 

“But you’re being quiet.”

 

Van tilted his head as he looked at Rak.

 

“You’ve got the same expression you had when I came to apologise to you at the theatre.”

 

Rak sighed again. He hadn’t even realised what expression he’d been making. He honestly thought he was acting perfectly normal. So why did this bother him so much? What exactly was making him so irritated?

 

“I’m fine.”

 

He shook his head, carefully forcing both his voice and expression back to normal.

 

“I’m just tired.”

 

“I still have to go finish my project.”

 

“Then should I cancel?” Van offered.

 

“I can come help you.”

 

“No need.”

 

Rak shook his head.

 

“I didn’t hire you to help me build architectural models.”

 

How could he possibly let Van do that? Even though, for the briefest moment, part of him almost wanted to say yes, Rak would never allow it.

 

“You’re looking pretty worn out,” Van said. “Have you been getting any sleep?”

 

Rak wasn’t sure when Van had started showing concern for him this openly. He wasn’t even trying to disguise it as a joke anymore. Maybe…Maybe Rak hadn’t imagined it after all.

 

“You haven’t even shaved.”

 

Almost instinctively, Rak raised a hand to cover his mouth. He’d completely forgotten what he looked like lately. He must look terrible if even Van noticed.

 

Dark circles.

Pimples.

A rough layer of stubble.

He was sure he looked awful.

 

“I told you, I’ve been busy,” Rak muttered, unable to meet Van’s eyes.

 

All he could think about was Van examining every flaw on his face in crystal-clear, four-dimensional detail. It was so embarrassing that Rak was starting to get angry at himself for walking over here in the first place.

 

“Honestly, I’m lucky I’ve had time to shower.”

 

“But you’re still handsome.”

 

“…Huh?”

 

Rak immediately looked up, convinced Van was teasing him.

 

“Not funny.”

 

“I’m not joking.”

 

Van waved his hands, looking genuinely confused about why Rak didn’t seem happy to hear the compliment.

 

“I’m just saying you’re handsome.”

 

“You just look a little tired.”

 

“A handsome guy who’s exhausted.”

 

A handsome guy who’s exhausted. Rak almost laughed again. How did Van do this?

 

“I only mentioned the stubble because it’s kind of sexy.”

 

“If you grew a beard, girls would be all over you.”

 

“Probably.” Rak smiled faintly.

 

“But maybe they’d be the wrong target audience.”

 

Van laughed. The tension visibly melted from his face the moment Rak joked back. It made Rak feel a little guilty for acting so childish toward him just moments ago.

 

“Though…” Van added. “I think guys would like it too.”

 

Everything about this felt strange.

Van was strange.

He kept smiling like that.

Kept looking at Rak with those eyes.

And Rak was strange too.

 

He couldn’t stop noticing every tiny little detail about Van that had never mattered before. The man standing in front of him was still the same Van. Yet somehow… Rak felt as though he was seeing him more clearly than ever before. Everything was strange.

 

“Since when did you get so good at complimenting people?” Rak asked. “I thought you only complimented yourself.”

 

“You make me sound like I don’t have any good qualities at all.”

 

Van laughed, and Rak found himself laughing too. Van’s smile seemed brighter than Rak remembered. Maybe it was because he was wearing white.

 

“I just say what I see.”

 

“Someone like you?”

 

“Whether they’re a man or a woman…everyone would like you.”

 

“So what?” Rak teased.

 

“Am I supposed to compliment you back now?”

 

“No.” Van smiled.

 

“You just need to know.”

 

Today, everything felt wrong. Van was dressed in a way he’d never dressed before. He was saying things he’d never said before. And Rak was feeling things he’d never felt toward him before.

 

Without realising it, Van was slowly opening that door—The very door Rak had been desperately trying to keep locked. Because if it ever opened, the monster completely inside would burst free and destroy everything. Everything that had never belonged to him in the first place.

 

“So…”

 

Rak abruptly changed the subject, almost too suddenly. He was trying with all his might not to spiral.

 

“What kind of job are you actually doing here?”

 

“You didn’t take anything weird, did you?”

 

“Depends on what counts as ‘weird’ to you.”

 

“Pretending to be a university student?”

 

“Is that weird?”

 

“You’ve got something even weirder than that?”

 

Rak’s eyes widened.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re helping someone cheat on an exam.”

 

Van burst out laughing. He reached over and lightly shoved Rak’s head, like he was humouring an innocent little kid who had no idea how the world worked—while he, the grown-up, knew everything. It was unbelievably irritating. They weren’t even that far apart in age.

 

“It’s fine now, right?” Van asked. 

 

Before Rak could say anything else, the notification from Van’s phone chimed. He glanced at the screen and looked back at Rak.

 

“My client is here.”

 

“Mm. Go on.”

 

“If you need anything, call me.”

 

That was all they said before Van hurried into the building.

 

Rak told himself not to watch him leave. Whatever Van was doing was probably something his client wanted kept private.

But he couldn’t stop himself. Curiosity won. He secretly followed Van with his eyes—and what he saw only left him more confused than before.

 

Van was standing beside a young woman. She was only a little shorter than him, with long wavy hair reaching the middle of her back and a cream-colored dress that fell above her knees. Even from a distance, she looked delicate.

 

Rak couldn’t help thinking that if he liked women, this was exactly the kind of girl he’d pursue.

 

Someone gentle.

Someone adorable.

Someone who made the world seem brighter when she smiled.

 

He knew Van was tall. But he’d never realised just how tall until he saw him standing beside a woman.

 

Maybe it was because he and Van were roughly the same height and build, so the difference had never been obvious before.

 

Without warning, Rak remembered being held in Van’s arms. At the time, that embrace had felt warm. Safe. So safe that it had almost made him cry like a child. Now, though… Now it just felt ridiculous. He was a grown man, yet somehow he’d felt so small and fragile in Van’s embrace. When really… Someone like her should be standing there instead.

 

Even if this girl wasn’t the client Van had mentioned, it should still be someone like her. Someone worth protecting. Someone who naturally belonged by Van’s side. The picture would make sense then, unlike the awkward, mismatched image that kept replaying in Rak’s mind.

 

Sometimes Rak forgot that Van wasn’t like him. Van didn’t like men. It was almost laughable that his heart reacted as though he’d only just learned that fact.

 

Rak watched as Van talked with the young woman.

 

He laughed softly.

He looked at her as if she were a tiny kitten.

He carried her bag.

He lightly brushed her shoulder, careful enough that she seemed as though she might break.

 

Not like how he casually shoved Rak’s head around whenever they joked together. Rak knew that was perfectly normal. Men didn’t roughhouse with women the way they did with their male friends. But that wasn’t the point. That wasn’t why his chest hurt.

 

“Rak!”

 

Karn’s voice suddenly called from behind him.

His chance to escape was gone. Instead of running, he’d spent those precious few minutes laughing with a man who was unbelievably good at forgetting. Because if Van hadn’t forgotten… Then he was a better actor than Rak. Better than Karn. Better than any professional actor Rak had ever known.

 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Karn said quietly, his phone still in his hand after calling Rak several times without getting an answer.

 

“Why’d you come out this way?”

 

Rak didn’t answer. He seemed completely lost in thought. Karn lowered his gaze to the phone still clutched in Rak’s hand. The missed calls were all there—every single one of them. Rak had seen them. He’d chosen not to answer.

 

“Do you want to come work in my studio?” Karn asked gently once again.

 

“Mm. Okay,” Rak replied.

 

This time, though, he didn’t refuse. 

 

A small smile appeared on his face when he saw just how happy Karn was. Karn bounced lightly on the balls of his feet as if he wanted to jump for joy, but restrained himself, afraid he’d spill the cup in his hand. Rak couldn’t help smiling fondly.

 

Karn took Rak’s bag from him without asking, while Rak accepted the ice-cold red drink and took a sip through the straw. Karn kept talking, stumbling over his words as though he’d been holding them in for far too long.

 

From a distance, Van watched them. And finally found the answer he’d been searching for.

 

Late that night, Van waited until he was certain everyone in the house had gone to bed. The last room to go dark was Pathi’s. Once the sliver of light beneath his door disappeared, Van quietly returned to his own room. He shut every window. Locked the door. Drew the curtains tightly closed. He wanted to make certain that once he switched off the light, not a single ray of brightness could enter the room.

 

When darkness completely enveloped him, Van sat down in the middle of the floor with seven incense sticks in his hand. He lit them with the cheap lighter he’d borrowed from Linda. Once the tips glowed orange, all that was left was to wait.

 

He sat in silence.

He didn’t speak.

He didn’t look around.

He didn’t search for anything.

Because he already knew none of that mattered.

If she wanted to come…

She would come.

 

“You’ve made up your mind?”

 

Just like now.

She stood before him.

He was alone.

 

With nothing but the seven incense sticks. Her deathly pale face and lifeless eyes no longer made Van shiver. Even though an icy breeze circled him despite the room being completely sealed, he no longer felt the urge to run or question what was happening.

 

He knew enough. And he’d already run far enough. It was time to stop playing around.

Time to make a decision.

 

“I have,” Van answered firmly.

 

Kahala widened her eyes, staring deep into his own. She searched him. Examined every corner of his heart. Making certain he hadn’t come here with any hidden agenda.

 

“Then that’s your choice.”

 

Van wished there was another motive. He really did. But there wasn’t.

 

“If you change your mind after this… there’ll be nothing I can do.”

 

“Then hurry. Before I do.”

 

A low, unintelligible murmur echoed inside his head. Van felt as though he were losing his sanity… Or perhaps being pulled somewhere else.

 

A place his body could never reach, though his consciousness drifted freely through it. He could see everything. Hear everything. Yet understand nothing. It was as though time had ceased to exist. As though he no longer had a body. As though nothing was real… Yet nothing was false, either. It felt like being sucked into an endless void in the middle of the universe.

 

Stripped bare.

Floating naked in the emptiness.

Surrounded by spirits he had never known.

They watched him.

And together…

They forged a covenant.

A pact that could never be broken.

Never revoked.

Until the end of his life.

 

“From this moment on…your life belongs to me.”

 

That night, Van committed the greatest betrayal imaginable against the god of science.

 

He bound himself to a vengeful spirit…

All to free the one person he believed, with all his heart, deserved the greatest love this world could offer.