TEACH ME, TOUCH ME

Part 21: Is It Worth Waiting For?

 

Kanthi, a man of vast experience, was like a gas stove-always ready to ignite. Yet, it seemed Gear had chosen not to light that flame. The two had grown distant, with the student claiming he had an overwhelming amount of work to finish.

 

Kanthi couldn't reach out to Gear as much as he wanted. All he could do was wait, restless, for the day they'd meet again. During their time apart, Kanthi had no idea what Gear was up to. To make matters worse, Gear had cruelly cut off all contact.

 

"Kanthi, I think you've had too much," Porsche said, breaking the hours of silence they'd shared at the table. Kanthi froze, the glass in his hand hovering near his lips. He acted as if he'd listened, but in the end, Kanthi, consumed by his impatience, downed the drink in one go, his face clouded with frustration.

 

"I don't get drunk that easily," he muttered.

 

"I know you're stressed, but calm down. Getting drunk won't make N' Gear come to you."

 

"It's the start of the month. Gear's free today," Kanthi said firmly, though deep down, he wasn't sure at all.

 

"You really think so? You haven't seen him in a month."

 

"Then what do you want me to do?"

 

"The club's about to close. Are you still holding out hope?" Porsche asked bluntly, glancing at his watch.

 

".."

"But if it's something important, maybe he'll show up. At least to tell you he's back with his ex and that you should stop bothering him," Porsche added, half-jokingly.

 

"Porsche, you asshole!" Kanthi cursed under his breath. Despite the lack of comforting words, Porsche understood Kanthi better than anyone.

 

"Heh, I never thought I'd see you like this, Kan."

 

"You never cared about younger guys. You didn't like the quiet, well-behaved type. You just wanted casual fun. And now look at you, you-completely head over heels for a kid you once said wasn't your type."

 

"Go ahead, mock me. But when it's your turn, I'll be right there to laugh at you."

 

"Then let me enjoy mocking you today first."

 

"You're so damn annoying," Kanthi grumbled, his tone revealing his irritation. He stood up to his full height and decided to step outside the club.

 

The tall man felt a headache coming on from the crowded atmosphere and the pounding music. He reached for a cigarette, hoping it'd provide a momentary escape, a brief relief from the heat of his emotions. But even that couldn't quell the storm inside him.

 

White smoke curled into the nicotine-filled air as Kanthi took a deep drag, exhaling slowly, trying to match the rhythm of his erratic heartbeat. The ash at the tip of the cigarette burned and fell to the ground bit by bit. Kanthi's eyes followed it, as if trying to focus his thoughts.

 

In the end, he simply watched the cigarette burn away, barely smoking it. With a weary sigh, he discarded the remaining stub into a nearby ashtray and turned to head back inside the club.

 

"...Gear." His steps halted abruptly, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. The young man he'd been waiting for stood right in front of him.

 

"..." Gear stood still, offering a faint smile to the man who'd just called his name. Kanthi walked toward him without hesitation, though he stopped a short distance away. 

 

There were still unanswered questions lingering between them. He studied the familiar, delicate face he'd thought about constantly. Those captivating eyes still held their charm, pulling at his heart even more than before. The familiar scent of Gear was so intoxicating that Kanthi didn't want just to stand there and look.

 

"Do you know how much I've missed you?" Kanthi couldn't hold back any longer. He stepped closer until only a small gap remained between them. His hand reached out to gently cradle Gear's face, his fingers brushing softly as if trying to convey all his feelings through that touch.

 

".." Gear met Kanth's gaze, listening to his words as if in a dream. He couldn't deny the joy he felt hearing them, nor the comfort of Kanthi's warm hand and familiar scent.

 

"Gear," Kanthi called softly, his voice trembling slightly as he looked into the younger man's eyes. It was as if he had more to say.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Did you... Go back to your ex?" For the first time, Kanthi, a man who feared nothing, felt nervous. His own question and the answer he was about to hear made his heart race. Gear's response would determine everything from this moment on.

 

"..What if I said yes? What would you do, Kanthi?"

 

"I wouldn't touch you," Kanthi replied firmly, though his voice carried a hint of disappointment.

 

"And what if I said no?" Gear asked, his eyes meeting Kanthi's. He didn't want to assume too much, but he hoped that his absence and return wouldn't hurt Kanthi as much as he'd feared.

 

"I'd kiss you." Kanthi's voice was steady, his intense gaze fixed on the lips he spoke of. The taller man's fingers lightly traced Gear's familiar lips, lips he'd never forgotten, lips he'd always longed for.

 

"Then, Kanthi, will you kiss me?" Gear tilted his face into Kanthi's warm hand, stepping closer until there was almost no space left between them.

 

"Gear..."

 

"Will you kiss me?"

 

"But I just smoked."

 

"I told you, I don't mind."

 

Kanthi looked into Gear's eyes and surrendered. He wrapped an arm around the younger man's waist, pulling him close, and pressed his lips against Gear's without hesitation. Both pairs of eyes closed, savouring the moment they'd both longed for.

 

The kiss wasn't fiery but soft and deliberate, making their hearts race more than ever. Kanthi poured all his emotions into the kiss, moving his lips gently yet passionately, savouring the sweetness he'd missed. His arms tightened around Gear, pulling him even closer.

 

"Ah," they both exhaled softly as their lips parted, their foreheads still pressed together. Kanthi's large hands cupped Gear's face, sharing the warmth coursing through his body.

 

"I didn't go back to him," Gear whispered, his voice barely audible but clear in the zero distance between them.

 

"Thank you, Gear," Kanthi said with a smile before leaning in for another kiss, this time more intense.

 

He slid his tongue into Gear's mouth, savouring the sweetness he'd craved. Gear welcomed him eagerly, their tongues intertwining with longing. Kanthi's skilled lips teased and tugged at Gear's, his passion igniting a heat that spread through the younger man's body. Gear's face flushed, matching the fiery intensity of Kanthi's kiss.

Is That Clear?

 

One Month Earlier

 

"Gear, have you been waiting long? I just got off work," Kim asked as he approached.

 

".." The young man simply shook his head in response, his face calm and unreadable, before opening the car door and settling into the passenger seat beside Kim. It felt like a glimpse of the past when they were still in love-Kim picking him up, taking him out, or sharing meals whenever they could. But this time, Gear had agreed to meet Kim again to resolve lingering issues and bring closure.

 

The atmosphere in the car was heavy. Gear remained silent while Kim tried to spark a conversation, but most of his efforts were met with curt, noncommittal replies. It stayed that way until the car came to a stop in front of Gear's condo.

 

"You have an early class tomorrow, right? I'll come pick you up," Kim offered.

 

"...That won't be necessary," Gear replied quietly.

 

"Why not? Is a friend picking you up? You can tell them not to; I'll take you instead."

 

"Kim, you need to stop this."

 

"What's wrong, Gear? Are you upset with me?"

 

"Kim, we broke up."

 

"I'm trying to make it up to you. Isn't this what you wanted? For me to come back to you?"

 

"I'll admit, at first, that's what I wanted. But not anymore. Being with you now doesn't make me happy. I don't love you, Kim. I don't want you back, and I don't want you trying to win me over."

 

"Gear... why are you saying this? You let go of his hand and came with me. Doesn't that mean you've chosen me?"

 

"I came with you because I wanted to talk about this. It doesn't mean I chose you."

"..."

 

"..'l forget about the time you left me. Let's just say our story ended that day. Kim, please don't involve yourself with me anymore," Gear said, exhaling deeply to emphasise his point.

 

"Is it because of him? I told you, he's a player. You've seen it yourself-he kissed you, and then he kissed others. The moment he turns his back on you, someone else will take your place."

 

"This is about us, Kim. Don't bring anyone else into it."

 

"Why? I can't even mention him?"

 

"Exactly. Because even if he weren't in the picture, I still wouldn't want you back."

 

"Gear..."

 

"The day you left me, you made yourself clear. So today, I'm going to be just as clear with you for the last time."

 

"..."

"Stay out of my life. I don't love you anymore, Kim." Gear declared his feelings with certainty before opening the car door and stepping out.

 

He'd known from the moment Kim came back into his life that he didn't want this love anymore. Kanthi had healed the pain from the past. The hardest part wasn't cutting ties with Kim but disappearing from Kanthi's life at the same time. Beyond being clear that he no longer loved Kim...

 

Gear was also clear about one thing: He loved Kanthi. Kanthi, who people always surrounded. Kanthi, whom everyone desired. Kanthi, the Playboy who casually dated others without a second thought.

 

It wasn't easy for someone as fragile as Gear to fall for a playboy who'd taught him everything, even how to live. Gear had no idea how much pain loving Kanthi might bring. And the scariest part was allowing himself to believe that Kanthi might feel the same way.

 

Gear had intentionally disappeared from Kanthi's life to test him and give him time to reflect. With a hint of scepticism, Gear doubted that a Playboy like Kanthi could change his ways so quickly. If the man forgot about him, went back to his old habits of taking people to the fifth floor, and felt nothing about Gear's absence, then Gear would distance himself completely and leave their good memories as just that-memories.

 

But if, when they met again, Kanthi still made him feel important, if he could give Gear the confidence to stop fearing love, then that would be the day Gear would fully open his heart to Kanthi, even if being close to someone so captivating felt like playing with fire.

 

"How have you been, Kanthi? It's been a month since we last saw each other," Gear asked.

 

"I missed you," Kanthi replied immediately.

 

"Missed me... how?"

 

"In a way, I've never missed anyone before."

 

"What about the others? The people around you? The ones you... Take to the fifth floor?"

 

"I don't do that anymore. It might be hard to believe, but I've really stopped," Kanthi said, gently squeezing Gear's soft hand as he spoke the truth.

 

"Alright, I believe you," Gear said with a small smile. Kanthi grinned widely and leaned in to place a kiss on Gear's soft, light brown hair, inhaling the familiar scent he'd missed so much.

 

"Why didn't you tell me about your ex that day? Why did you disappear for a month? Did you plan it that way?"

 

"Yes, I did," Gear admitted.

 

"Why were you so cruel to me, Gear?" Kanthi's voice softened, his dangerous eyes pleading, shedding every trace of his Playboy persona.

 

"I just wanted everything to be clear first," Gear explained.

 

"..."

"Clear that I don't have anyone else. And you..." Gear trailed off, locking eyes with the taller man.

 

The kisses, the looks, the touches, the voice, everything from the past and now made Gear think that Kanthi might have feelings for him. But how deep those feelings ran and how clear Kanthi could be about them remained uncertain.

 

"I'm clear," Kanthi said firmly. His large hand cupped Gear's soft cheek, his thumb brushing gently as if to convey his longing. His other hand held Gear's smaller one tightly, as if afraid he might disappear.

 

"Clear about what?" Gear asked.

 

"The atmosphere here isn't great. Does this kill the romance?" Kanthi teased.

 

"...Then forget it. I don't want to know anymore," Gear said, pulling his hand away. But Kanthi held on tightly and spoke without hesitation.

 

"I love you."

"...

 

"I love you so much. Please don't let go of me again." Kanthi reaffirmed his feelings, tightening his grip on Gear's soft hand as it tried to pull away.

 

"Do you... Really feel that way?" Gear's heart raced as he heard the words he'd hoped for, his eyes meeting Kanthi's sincere gaze.

 

"I know my words are hard to believe, but I truly love you. Give me a chance to prove it, Gear."

 

"A chance?"

 

"Be with me. Be my boyfriend. Be my one and only."

 

"..I'm too trusting. Don't take back your words."

 

"I promise."

 

"Alright, I agree."

 

"..How can you be this adorable?" Kanthi smiled, his eyes filled with adoration as he looked at the young man who'd just become his lover. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, and hold him close-sometimes he even tried to devour him whole. So damn cute!

 

'The silence between them now felt perfect. Even though the front of the club wasn't romantic at all, it didn't matter. Having someone important by his side, someone his heart had accepted, made everything feel romantic. Kanthi's gaze, filled with emotion, was enough to replace any need for a picturesque setting.

 

Gear wrapped his arms around Kanthi, pressing his face against Kanthi's chest. The familiar scent, the familiar embrace, the touch he adored-it was all there, warm and comforting as always.

 

"I love you, Kanthi," Gear mumbled, his voice muffled as he buried his face, seeking warmth.

 

"What did you say?" Kanthi pulled back slightly, placing his hands on Gear's shoulders and asking with a smile, even though he'd heard it clearly.

 

"I'm not saying it again," Gear replied, his shyness making him lower his head, refusing to repeat himself.

 

"You're really not going to say it again?"

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"..." Kanthi nodded slowly, letting the shy boy have his way. But little did Gear know, the experienced and cunning man had something else in mind to make up for those unsaid words.

 

"Ah, mm..." Gear's soft protest turned into a muffled sound as Kanthi claimed his lips in a deep, passionate kiss, exchanging it for the words of love he'd just heard.

 

The taller man wrapped an arm around Gear's waist, pulling him close until their bodies were pressed together. His other hand cradled Gear's face, guiding him into a kiss that was both tender and intense. Their lips moved together, adjusting angles to match the rhythm of their emotions. Both closed their eyes, savouring the warmth and sweetness they'd missed

 

"Ah," Kanthi's expertise hadn't faded one bit. He teased Gear with his tongue, coaxing him into a deep, fervent exchange. Gear's soft lips were claimed with a mix of dominance and warmth as Kanthi's kiss conveyed every emotion he felt.

 

"Ugh, Kanthi", Gear tried to speak, but Kanthi only pulled back enough to let him catch his breath, silencing him before he could say more. The breathless way Gear had called his name only fueled Kanthi's raw emotions further.

 

He deepened the kiss, leaving no room for his young lover to catch his breath. His heated tongue explored every ounce of longing he'd held back, their bodies pressed so tightly together that not even a sliver of space remained between them. His hands roamed over Gear's back, as if completely forgetting that this wasn't a private space.

 

Gear hadn't changed one bit either. Even though his kissing skills had improved significantly enough to be confidently called impressive, whenever he kissed Kanthi, it felt as though his very soul was being drawn out. His arms would suddenly lose their strength, and his legs, once steady, could barely hold him up. Kanthi had to pull him closer, holding him tightly to keep him from collapsing.

 

"Ah..." Finally, Kanthi relented, pulling back even though every fibre of his being yearned to continue. He gazed at his newly official boyfriend, whose half-lidded eyes carried a soft, pleading look. Gear's lips were slightly swollen from the intensity of the kiss, and the sight made Kanthi smile with satisfaction at his handiwork, just as it always did.

 

"If you can't stand after a kiss, I can carry you and keep kissing you."

 

"Kanthi!" Gear exclaimed, his voice a mix of embarrassment and scolding as he lightly smacked Kanthi's chest. The reprimand, however, lacked any real bite. The real Kanthi was back!