Summer season volume 2
4-2. Haji (夏至), The Longest Day of the Year
Eun-ho stared blankly at the hazy sky as dawn slowly broke. It wasn’t until the sound of birds announcing the morning reached him that he came back to his senses and covered his gritty eyes with one hand. After tossing and turning all night, his head felt foggy, and his entire body was as heavy as waterlogged cotton.
There was no point trying to go back to sleep now, so Eun-ho left his room, intending to take an early shower. As soon as he stepped into the living room, however, he frowned slightly at the luggage scattered everywhere.
“What are you doing?”
“Oh, you’re awake?”
His parents, who normally left the house at dawn to open the shop, were unusually busy packing suitcases. Eun-ho had wondered why the normally quiet living room had felt strangely lively. Apparently, this was the reason.
With a dry towel draped around his neck, Eun-ho leaned against the wall and lightly rubbed around his eyes. His father, who was busy folding clothes, spoke first.
“Why are you up so early? You should’ve slept longer.”
“Just woke up. Where are you going, Dad?”
“To Mr Kim’s holiday house. You know, the one with the cattle farm down south. His son’s getting married, and they’re throwing some big reception, so your mum and I thought we’d make a little trip of it while we’re there.”
“Just like that? What about the shop?”
“Call it an early holiday. When else are we supposed to get a break?”
Eun-ho gave a disbelieving laugh at the sudden announcement. It wasn’t as though he expected them to devote themselves to looking after their son just because he was in his final year of school, but couldn’t they at least have told him beforehand?
As Eun-ho stood there looking dumbfounded, his mother, who had been darting around packing things, walked over and linked arms with his father.
“Son, I made seaweed soup and left it in the kitchen. Bring Do-hyeon home after school and eat with him. You know it’s his birthday today, right?”
His father lightly kissed the top of his mother’s head as she spoke.
Eun-ho frowned as he watched them. They had been married for decades and were still ridiculously affectionate.
Why the hell should I have to take care of that lunatic’s birthday?
Avoiding their eyes, Eun-ho answered bluntly.
“Ji-hyeon noona and the housekeeper will take care of him. He’s not a little kid.”
“Don’t you know Ji-hyeon’s away on a business trip? And having the housekeeper do it isn’t the same as having a family do it. You could at least make an effort to congratulate him instead of—”
Eun-ho suddenly remembered Do-hyeon threading their fingers together and pressing his lips lightly against the top of his head. He hadn’t actually seen it because his eyes had been closed, yet the image was vivid enough that he could have drawn it.
He had spent the entire night staring at the patterns on his white ceiling while that scene played over and over in his head.
“Family, my arse.”
That crazy bastard thinks of me as family?
Eun-ho gave a bitter little smile.
His mother shot him a look.
“Oh, please. If Do-hyeon isn’t family, what is he? A stranger?”
Eun-ho scrubbed both hands over his face as a headache began throbbing behind his eyes. Telling him naturally that they should live together after graduation. Holding out his hand and telling Eun-ho to spit out what he was eating. Kissing someone’s forehead while they slept.
None of those was things Cha Do-hyeon would do if he really thought of Eun-ho as nothing more than family.
“Anyway, we need to get going. Don’t forget to eat dinner with Do-hyeon later. I transferred plenty of spending money, so buy a cake or something and let him blow out some candles.”
Without replying, Eun-ho went into the bathroom and turned on the tap.
“Don’t let Do-hyeon spend his birthday alone! Make sure you eat together later!”
His mother’s voice carried from outside, but it was soon drowned beneath the sound of water pouring from the sunflower-shaped showerhead. Eun-ho stepped underneath it before the water had even warmed and rubbed his face again. His already dizzy, confused thoughts seemed to blur even further.
Celebrate his birthday, my arse.
Right now, Eun-ho wasn’t even confident he could look Cha Do-hyeon in the face and act normally.
━━━━ ✦ ━━━━
Even before morning registration began, the corridor felt unusually chaotic.
Eun-ho was making his way towards the classroom at the far end, glancing around at the commotion, when a noisy group brushed against him as they passed from behind.
“For fuck’s sake.”
At Eun-ho’s irritated mutter, the students who had been laughing ahead of him turned around.
Their cheerful expressions immediately faltered when they saw him, awkward smiles replacing them.
Their faces and hands were smeared with white cream, and they looked as though they were about to apologise. Eun-ho frowned and jerked his chin slightly.
He meant, just piss off.
Apparently they didn’t understand, because they hesitated and began edging towards him.
“I said keep going.”
Unlike Eun-ho, who was rubbing his eyes with an irritated expression, their faces brightened.
After hurriedly apologising, they quickly disappeared down the corridor. Eun-ho was watching them leave when someone suddenly threw an arm around his shoulders from behind.
“Oi, you’re finally here?”
Eun-ho pulled Jae-won’s arm off him and gestured with his eyes towards the students disappearing into the distance.
“What the hell happened to them?”
“They were making a huge fucking fuss over Cha Do-hyeon’s birthday this morning. Didn’t you go?”
“Birthday party?”
“Yeah. Even kids from other classes crowded in. It was fucking loud.”
Apparently, a bunch of nearly grown adults had been messing around smearing cake over each other’s faces.
What the hell was so special about Cha Do-hyeon’s birthday that everyone, from his mother to half the school, had been making such a fuss since first thing in the morning?
Everyone except Eun-ho seemed to be enjoying themselves.
His mood sank.
The classroom wasn’t much different.
One person was laughing happily while drying their wet fringe; another was changing into their PE kit and joking with their friends.
Eun-ho dropped his bag beside his chair, sat down and planted an elbow on his desk, covering his forehead and eyes with one hand. Seeing how exhausted he looked, I-hyeon spoke.
“Didn’t sleep?”
“Not much.”
“You look rough. Get some sleep.”
“Wake me before lunch.”
Eun-ho lowered his head onto the desk and closed his eyes.
Maybe because his lack of sleep had left him oversensitive, certain conversations among the general murmur of voices came through unusually clearly.
“Did you give him a present?”
“No. I’m going to leave it on his desk at lunch. You?”
“I gave him mine earlier, but he only took the card and said he wasn’t accepting presents.”
“Really? Mine’s nothing special. I just bought some cookies from this really good place.”
“Oh, apparently he’ll accept stuff if you tell him it’s to share with his friends.”
“What? Does Cha Do-hyeon like sweet things?”
“Maybe. Doesn’t suit him at all.”
Their soft laughter grated on Eun-ho’s nerves. With an irritated sigh, he took out his earphones and shoved them in. The sunlight falling warmly across the back of his neck irritated him too.
Still lying across the desk, Eun-ho lifted one hand and covered the back of his neck. Now the back of his hand began to heat slowly instead.
━━━━ ✦ ━━━━
“Yeo Eun-ho. It’s lunchtime.”
At the hand gently shaking him awake, Eun-ho blearily opened his eyes.
He must have been completely dead to the world, because he wasn’t even hungry. He only felt dazed.
For a moment, he considered skipping lunch and sleeping longer. Then he remembered he hadn’t eaten breakfast either and dragged himself upright.
I-hyeon was waiting for him by the back door.
“What are they serving today?”
“Soybean paste soup and spicy pork.”
“Ah… not great.”
“Why? That’s probably the best thing I’ve eaten since I transferred here.”
There was an odd hint of excitement in I-hyeon’s voice, and Eun-ho let out a quiet, breathy laugh.
Still half asleep, he walked unusually slowly with his eyes lowered towards the floor. Then the sound of a noisy crowd made him raise one eyebrow. I-hyeon also gradually came to a halt when he saw the congested stairwell ahead.
A group of students had gathered in the corridor outside the student council room. It wasn’t exactly packed shoulder to shoulder, but considering there were plenty more people inside the room itself, it certainly wasn’t a small gathering.
Ah. Should’ve just skipped lunch and stayed asleep.
The mere thought of pushing through that crowd was already mildly irritating him. Eun-ho raked a hand through his hair. I-hyeon spoke from beside him.
“Should we just go to the shop?”
“You said you wanted school lunch. And we’d still have to get past them to reach the shop.”
I-hyeon scratched his eyebrow awkwardly. Eun-ho sighed softly and walked towards the crowd first.
There were hardly any third-year name badges among them. Most belonged to first- and second-years. They were probably younger students who hadn’t managed to attend the smaller birthday celebration in Do-hyeon’s classroom that morning.
Annoying bastard.
How many birthday parties does one person need at school?
The students gathered beside the glass wall, frosted across its lower half, were peering into the student council room. When they noticed Eun-ho standing there with a stony expression, they began whispering among themselves.
Inside, the student council members suddenly began bustling around. Then the lights went out. A reddish glow flickered through the translucent glass, and amid noisy laughter, everyone began singing Happy Birthday.
Eun-ho slowly made his way through the open space behind the students pressed against the wall. Then, without meaning to, he turned his head towards the student council room.
Do-hyeon was wearing a ridiculous pink party hat that didn’t suit him in the slightest. He was smiling broadly, the corners of his mouth curved high, while the whiteboard behind him was covered in all kinds of scribbles and messages.
Cha Do-hyeon was probably the only person in the entire school who could have half the student body celebrating his birthday like this. It felt strangely as though everyone except Eun-ho had been preparing for Do-hyeon’s birthday. His mood sank further.
When the song ended, Do-hyeon bent forwards and blew out the candles on the cake. The reddish flicker disappeared, and laughter and noisy applause spilt into the corridor. Eun-ho was still watching as he walked past when Do-hyeon straightened, and their eyes met.
Do-hyeon’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of him. Then they softened. Eun-ho flinched at the smile that appeared on Do-hyeon’s face, bit his lip and abruptly turned away.
He quickened his pace.
I-hyeon hurried to catch up beside him.
“You don’t need to go in?”
“There are plenty of people besides me to congratulate him.”
Expressionless, Eun-ho continued towards the cafeteria.
Loud laughter still echoed behind him, but he had no desire to turn around.
Fucking annoying bastard.
Eun-ho muttered the words silently to himself.
━━━━ ✦ ━━━━
The humidity had painted the evening sky in vivid colours.
Eun-ho stared for a moment at the strange sight, the upper sky still bright blue like the middle of the day, while the horizon burned deep orange, before pulling off his uniform shirt and stuffing it into his bag.
The hem kept sticking unpleasantly to his clammy arms. He trudged towards the school gates with unusually heavy steps and irritably kicked an innocent pebble that happened to lie in his path.
Apparently, one sleepless night had affected him more than expected. He had felt like shit all day. The pebble rolled across the ground and stopped beside the feet of several students gathered near the corner of an orange brick wall.
When Eun-ho raised his head, he saw them pressed close to the corner, peering around the wall.
“What the hell are they doing now?”
He slowed and followed their line of sight.
A familiar back came into view.
There was only one person in the school with that height and build. Eun-ho frowned at Do-hyeon’s back. Then he noticed the girl standing in front of him and bit his lip.
The girl held out a small box to Do-hyeon as she said something. The other students hiding by the wall gave quiet whistles.
From this distance, Eun-ho thought her face might have gone red, though he couldn’t see clearly. Do-hyeon stared at the hand extended towards him for a moment, then swept the fringe that had fallen forwards away from his face.
Eun-ho realised he had practically stopped walking as he watched. His jaw clenched hard enough that the muscles bulged.
“Oi! Yeo Eun-ho! I’ve been fucking shouting you from behind. Answer me, you prick.”
Someone suddenly hooked an arm around his shoulders from behind, making Eun-ho bend forwards.
“Ah, fuck. What the hell?”
He looked up irritably. Jae-won was grinning beside him.
“PC bang?”
“No.”
Eun-ho roughly shrugged his arm off. Jae-won lifted both hands and shrugged. Then he noticed the students gathered ahead and spotted Do-hyeon standing beside the girl. He gave a low whistle.
“Wow… apparently that bastard’s desk was piled with presents because it’s his birthday, and now he’s getting confessed to as well. What the hell do people see in that rude prick?”
Jae-won spat onto the ground. The students nearby flinched and quickly looked away. Eun-ho increased his pace and walked straight past them towards the school gates.
“Oi, doesn’t he date? I bet that bastard secretly sees university girls behind everyone’s backs.”
“Date, my arse.”
“Ah, true. Judging by how that psycho acts with you, imagine what he’d be like if he had a girlfriend.”
Eun-ho’s face twisted at the teasing remark. Jae-won wasn’t wrong about one thing. Cha Do-hyeon was fairly popular with older women. Especially whenever he was walking around in normal clothes rather than uniform, plenty of adult women had asked him for his number.
Most backed off regretfully once they discovered he was still a student, though a few said they didn’t particularly care. For some reason, Eun-ho suddenly remembered the employee at the arboretum who had shown interest in Do-hyeon.
His thoughts tangled themselves into an even bigger mess. Had Cha Do-hyeon ever actually given his number to any of those people? When was the last time that bastard had even mentioned someone else? Eun-ho worried at his lower lip.
After Eun-ho ignored Jae-won asking whether he really wasn’t coming to the PC bang for about the third time, Jae-won grumbled and headed off in another direction.
Eun-ho stopped at the pedestrian crossing and glared at the glowing red figure on the traffic light as he waited. I’ll shower and go straight to bed when I get home.
Rather than untangle every thought in his head one by one, it seemed easier just to fall asleep as quickly as possible. The light turned green, and the people around him began crossing. Eun-ho looked away from the signal and started walking. Then he noticed the chain bakery directly across the road.
Its bright blue sign reminded him all over again that today was Cha Do-hyeon’s birthday. His eyes were unconsciously drawn towards the cakes arranged inside. Eun-ho frowned and hurried past.
He walked another ten metres or so. Then his steps suddenly stopped. He bit hard into his lower lip. Cha Do-hyeon, you fucking bastard. You’re seriously pissing me off.
Eun-ho aggressively messed up his own hair, turned around and walked back. The moment he opened the bakery door, the rich, sweet smell of bread filled his nose.
Wearing a deeply dissatisfied expression, Eun-ho stopped in front of the glass cake display. A member of staff in a neat uniform approached with a bright smile. Eun-ho pointed towards a pure white strawberry cake in the far corner.
“Is that really sweet?”
“Hmm. The cream itself isn’t overly sweet, but since it's a fresh cream cake, it’s sweeter than some others. If it’s for an older person, this cheesecake here tends to be more popular.”
Eun-ho glanced once at the cheesecake she indicated, then pouted faintly.
“I’ll just have that one.”
“The strawberry cake?”
“Yeah.”
“How many candles would you like?”
“Nineteen.”
How he was actually supposed to give a cake to Cha Do-hyeon when the day was almost over, and when they hadn’t exchanged a single word all day, was something Eun-ho hadn’t thought about at all.
Ever since impulsively entering the bakery, his chest had felt tight. Eun-ho decided it was probably because the air in here was far too sweet and accepted the packaged cake from the employee.
The cake was heavier than he had expected. It felt as though an equally heavy burden had settled somewhere in his chest. Even while deliberately walking as though he didn’t care, Eun-ho tightened his grip on the handle so the cake wouldn’t tilt.
Whenever the bright blue box suddenly felt embarrassing, he switched it to his other hand. The ribbon tied around the box kept tickling his fingers all the way home.
As soon as he arrived, Eun-ho placed the cake on the dining table. He busied himself walking around the house, trying to ignore the blue box. It didn’t work. His eyes kept drifting back towards it.
Eun-ho let out an irritated sigh, pulled out a dining chair and sat down. The longer he stared at the cake box with its perfectly tied white ribbon, the stranger he felt.
They weren’t the type to embarrass themselves by exchanging presents every year. Usually, the only cake involved was the one served when both families got together to celebrate Do-hyeon’s birthday.
The thought of sitting opposite each other in this quiet house, singing Happy Birthday while Do-hyeon blew out candles, made Eun-ho feel as though his entire body was itching. Worse, Eun-ho still couldn’t understand what was going on inside Do-hyeon’s head. If possible, he wanted to avoid running into him altogether.
Eun-ho folded himself across the table and glared at the bright blue cake box. Finally, he let out a deep, decisive sigh and stood. Fuck it. Mum and Dad can eat it when they come home. I’m going to bed.
He opened the fridge and shoved the heavy cake deep into the dark bottom shelf. Then his gaze caught on the pot of seaweed soup sitting on the induction hob. His hand stopped.
“Don’t let Do-hyeon spend his birthday alone…”
His mother’s words seemed to echo in his ears again.
Eun-ho lightly thumped his forehead against the side of the fridge several times. The warm outer panel hummed with the motor's vibration. Come to think of it, he hadn’t said Happy Birthday to Do-hyeon once all day. And because they had moved the family meal forward this year, there hadn’t really been much of a party either. At this rate, Eun-ho would end up awkwardly saying, Oh, happy birthday by the way, several days late.
Still scowling, Eun-ho dragged a hand down his face. Then he pulled out his phone and called Do-hyeon. It rang for a long time.
Two thoughts took turns churning his stomach. Maybe he just won’t answer. And— Is he not answering because he’s still with that girl?
Should’ve just said Happy Birthday while we were on the phone yesterday and got it over with.
Eun-ho was biting his lip, regretting the previous night, when Do-hyeon’s calm voice finally came through the phone.
[Hello?]
“Cha Do-hyeon. Where are you?”
[Why?]
“Are you at school?”
[Who knows.]
It was vague and deliberately unhelpful. Eun-ho found himself chewing on his lip again. Was he still at school? Was he answering like this because he was with that girl?
“Come to my house.”
[…]
“Mum made seaweed soup.”
A soft, breathy laugh came through the phone. Eun-ho could hear footsteps echoing in the background, as though Do-hyeon were walking somewhere indoors. It sounded like a marble floor. At least he definitely didn’t seem to be at school.
[Is that all?]
Eun-ho had been leaning the side of his head against the fridge. Now he turned until his forehead rested against it instead. The tip of his nose touched the textured grey surface, and the faint vibration of the machine hummed through his skull. Shouldn’t you be the one wanting to come here more? Why are you always so fucking relaxed about everything?
Completely drained after having his emotions thrown around all day, Eun-ho simply let the chaotic thoughts roam through his head. Thoughts were fine. As long as he didn’t actually say them.
When Eun-ho remained silent, breathing irritably into the phone, Do-hyeon gave another quiet laugh.
[Open the door.]
“…What?”
[I’m outside. Open the door.]
Eun-ho immediately straightened away from the fridge. One eyebrow raised, he walked towards the entrance and cautiously opened the door.
There, in the pale yellow marble corridor, stood Cha Do-hyeon holding several colourful shopping bags and cake boxes. Eun-ho remained frozen in surprise, still holding the door. Do-hyeon gave a small laugh, removed his shoes and casually walked inside. Eun-ho followed belatedly.
“Oi, what the hell? Why’d you come without saying anything?”
“You told me to come.”
“Are you fucking insane? I called you about thirty seconds ago.”
“Why are you acting surprised? Since when have I needed permission to come into your house?”
Do-hyeon’s completely casual attitude left Eun-ho with nothing to say.
After changing into slippers, Do-hyeon naturally headed for the kitchen and placed the presents he was carrying on the table.
There were cute individually wrapped cookies, sweets in tiny glass jars, colourful macarons and several boxes of cake. Do-hyeon opened the fridge and began putting them away one by one.
“Why are all your presents food?”
“They said I should share them with my friends.”
Eun-ho picked up a small box from the corner with deliberately sulky movements and opened it.
A neat row of colourful macarons lay inside. He took one filled with pink cream and tiny pieces of peach and bit straight into it. The filling squeezed out from the sides. The shell was chewy and sweet, while the occasional tart piece of peach added a fresh bite. It tasted expensive.
As soon as something sweet hit his tongue, Eun-ho’s foul mood seemed to ease slightly. While arranging the gifts neatly inside the fridge, Do-hyeon suddenly paused and smiled to himself. Eun-ho didn’t notice. He was still holding the macaron between his lips while wiping cream from his fingers.
Do-hyeon closed the fridge, came back to the table and pulled out a chair. Then he reached over, took the macaron Eun-ho was eating and put the rest into his own mouth. Eun-ho stopped wiping his hands and stared at him.
“Sweet.”
Do-hyeon frowned slightly at the flavour, yet looked strangely pleased. As though Eun-ho’s scowl didn’t exist, he smiled naturally and reached out again. Eun-ho reflexively leaned backwards to avoid the hand approaching his face. Do-hyeon merely brushed a finger around his lips.
“You’re not a kid. How do you manage to get food all over yourself?”
Unlike Do-hyeon’s teasing smile, Eun-ho’s face went subtly rigid. He quickly stood and walked towards the sink. A quiet laugh came from the table behind him. Eun-ho didn’t bother turning around. He turned on the tap and roughly wiped away the crumbs around his mouth.
After washing his hands beneath the running water, Eun-ho silently began reheating the pot of seaweed soup. As the savoury smell filled the kitchen, there was no movement behind him. If he turned around, Eun-ho had the strange feeling he would find Do-hyeon staring at him.
So he deliberately busied himself cleaning around the sink, rearranging bottles of sauce and doing anything else that gave him an excuse not to look. All he really had to do was take out the food his mother had already prepared. Yet somehow, having someone sitting at the table waiting while he did it felt embarrassingly awkward.
Eun-ho brought out the side dishes his mother had neatly portioned for one meal, scooped white rice from the rice cooker and placed everything on the table. He glanced at Do-hyeon. Contrary to what he had imagined, Do-hyeon had simply been playing with his phone. Only then did he look up at the food.
Eun-ho’s gaze fell onto Do-hyeon’s wrist. There was a bracelet he had never seen before. It hadn’t been there yesterday.
After putting down the steaming seaweed soup, Eun-ho sat opposite him without once looking at Do-hyeon’s face.
“Thanks for the food,” Do-hyeon murmured softly before beginning to eat. Eun-ho picked up his spoon. The silence around the table made him feel as though he might get indigestion.
In all the countless times he had eaten with Cha Do-hyeon, he had never experienced anything like this.
“Were you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“You’re eating a lot.”
Even though the meal wasn’t anything special, Do-hyeon was steadily emptying his bowl.
Eun-ho made meaningless comments while pointlessly counting grains of rice, all the while stealing discreet glances at Do-hyeon’s wrist.
The bracelet was made from neatly braided black leather, rounded cleanly at the ends. It suited Do-hyeon so naturally that it looked as though it had always belonged there. He says accessories get in the way and never wears anything.
Eun-ho complained silently, yet his eyes kept following the bracelet. Who gave it to him, and why did he put it on immediately? Did he get it today? Was it that girl from earlier?
Contrary to the chaos inside his head, Eun-ho arranged his face into an indifferent expression. He gestured towards Do-hyeon’s wrist with his chin.
“What’s that?”
“This?”
“Yeah. I saw you with that girl earlier. Did she give it to you?”
Do-hyeon lowered his spoon and looked at him. Eun-ho immediately dropped his eyes towards his rice. While picking up a side dish without looking up, he found himself wondering what expression Do-hyeon was making.
“Why, Eun-ho?”
There was laughter in Do-hyeon’s voice.
“Does it bother you?”
The question struck Eun-ho hard. It had identified something Eun-ho himself still hadn’t managed to define. He almost dropped what he had been holding between his chopsticks. Casually, Eun-ho placed them down instead.
“Bullshit…”
Do-hyeon laughed softly even at the muttered insult. Eun-ho lifted his water glass, took a drink and stood with a blank expression.
“Stop talking shit. If you’re finished eating, piss off. I’m tired.”
Do-hyeon’s eyes followed his face relentlessly. Eun-ho eventually frowned and looked directly at him. Do-hyeon only smiled, visibly amused. Unlike Eun-ho, who had spent the entire day in complete turmoil, Do-hyeon looked bright and happy. What the hell was so funny?
“Why do you keep telling me to leave? That’s cold.”
Without answering, Eun-ho turned around and opened the tap. He stared at the water pouring towards the drain and wondered how he could escape this uncomfortable situation.
Then he heard a chair slide behind him. The familiar scent of Do-hyeon’s cologne drew closer. Eun-ho’s heartbeat immediately sped up. He quickly grabbed a sponge and plate.
“Hmm? Why do you keep telling me to go?”
Do-hyeon was suddenly right beside him. He reached into the sink and took the plate Eun-ho had been washing. Their soap-slick fingers brushed briefly before separating.
Every time Do-hyeon moved his arm, his solid elbow touched Eun-ho’s forearm. More than anything, however, what made Eun-ho tense was Do-hyeon’s scent mingling with the bright orange fragrance of the washing-up liquid.
The soft, heavy scent seemed to press against his entire body.
“Oi, what are you doing getting in the way? I’ll do it. Just go home.”
“I’ve got loads of cake. Blow out the candles with me, and then I’ll leave.”
“What candles? You already blew out enough at school today, you prick.”
Do-hyeon chuckled at Eun-ho’s irritated grumbling.
“You ran away when our eyes met.”
Eun-ho continued washing the dishes without answering. Do-hyeon playfully pressed closer from the side. Their forearms touched. Do-hyeon’s hip nudged subtly against the side of Eun-ho’s waist. Eun-ho frowned and kept shifting away.
“Fine, fine. Just back off a bit, you bastard.”
Eventually, Eun-ho jabbed his elbow sideways. Do-hyeon laughed and stepped away. After drying his hands on a towel, Do-hyeon opened the fridge.
He took out a cake box and carried it to the table behind them. Eun-ho finished the few dishes remaining while biting his lip in frustration. Simply standing here pretending everything was normal while Cha Do-hyeon was around was exhausting.
Swallowing another sigh, Eun-ho finally turned around. Then he froze. Sitting atop the bright blue box was the white fresh-cream cake.
Fuck.
He saw it.
Because Do-hyeon had arrived unexpectedly, Eun-ho had completely forgotten about the cake he had bought.
He lifted one hand and covered his eyes. His palm was cool from the water and soothed his burning eyelids.
“You bought that for me?”
“No. Found it dumped outside on my way home.”
Do-hyeon sat behind the cake and smiled playfully at Eun-ho’s curt response. Eun-ho was in no mood to smile back. He sat opposite him with a stiff expression and pulled out the candles. Let’s get this over with and send this bastard home.
Eun-ho planted one long candle in the centre and arranged the shorter ones in a circle around it. Then he struck a match. The tip flared with the smell of burning wood.
Silently, Eun-ho brought the flame to each candle. The wax around the stiff wicks melted clear the moment the fire touched it. Why the hell are there so many candles?
Frowning faintly, Eun-ho reached for the light switch. The room darkened. The last glow of evening stretched across the table.
“Oi. Don’t forget to make a wish before you blow them out. I’m not lighting them twice like last year.”
At Eun-ho’s blunt instruction, Do-hyeon slowly leaned towards the candles. The small flames painted his face orange. Eun-ho didn’t sing. He simply sat there and watched.
The colourful candles burned soundlessly. The table was filled with flickering shadows and silence. Then, without taking his eyes off Eun-ho, Do-hyeon slowly blew them out. Not once did his gaze waver while making his wish.
The orange light reflected in his dark pupils vanished with a soft breath, leaving only his silhouette behind. All Eun-ho had to do was switch the light back on and casually say Happy Birthday. But he couldn’t move.
Do-hyeon was looking directly at him across the table, and the intensity of that gaze held him still. White smoke curled from the extinguished candles.
Unable to escape Do-hyeon’s unwavering, unsmiling stare, Eun-ho slowly swallowed. Perhaps noticing the tension in his eyes, Do-hyeon gradually lifted the corners of his mouth. The oppressive air loosened at once.
As the tension drained away, all the exhaustion Eun-ho had been holding back crashed over him. He sighed quietly. Determined to send Do-hyeon home as quickly as possible, he began removing the candles from the cake.
“Yeo Eun-ho. Where’s my present?”
“The cake’s enough. Since when do we give each other presents?”
“You said you found it dumped outside.”
Eun-ho glared at him. Do-hyeon, who still hadn’t wiped that strange smile from his face, grinned wider.
As Eun-ho moved to put the cake away, Do-hyeon stopped him and lightly dipped his index finger into the cream. Eun-ho gave him a suspicious look.
Still wearing that mischievous expression, Do-hyeon smeared the cream over the inside of Eun-ho’s wrist. The cool, slippery feeling immediately made Eun-ho frown.
Normally, he might have picked up the entire cake and shoved it into Do-hyeon’s face. Today, he simply didn’t have the energy. When Eun-ho merely glared, Do-hyeon leisurely smiled.
It was his birthday. Eun-ho couldn’t exactly lose his temper. Sighing, he reached for a tissue. Do-hyeon caught his hand.
“Oi, Cha Do—”
Eun-ho looked up irritably. Then the words stopped. Do-hyeon was lowering his face towards Eun-ho’s wrist.
Holding Eun-ho’s palm in one hand, he brought his lips to the cream smeared across his skin. Do-hyeon parted his lips slightly and took the blob of cream into his mouth. Then he slowly raised his eyes to watch Eun-ho’s reaction.
Eun-ho had gone completely rigid. Still holding his gaze, Do-hyeon lowered his head again. His lips brushed across the traces of cream. He slowly cleaned the remaining sweetness from Eun-ho’s wrist, his tongue passing over the skin.
The instant the warm, damp sensation touched him, goosebumps spread over Eun-ho’s entire body.
“Oi… Oi, what the hell are you doing? Let go, you crazy bastard.”
His throat tightened, forcing him to swallow halfway through and leaving an awkward break between the words. Eun-ho unconsciously clenched his fist. His fingers caught against Do-hyeon’s thumb where it rested over his palm, and he immediately startled and loosened his grip.
Do-hyeon laughed softly at his reaction. The breath from his smile brushed across Eun-ho’s wrist. Eun-ho weakly tugged his arm backwards, trying to escape.
“Stay still.”
Do-hyeon tightened their intertwined fingers.
“It’s my birthday.”
The movement bent Eun-ho’s hand slightly backwards, making the tendons along the inside of his wrist stand out clearly.
Do-hyeon slowly traced the raised line with his tongue. A damp trail remained along the shallow contours of his skin.
Eun-ho’s mind went completely blank. Do-hyeon was doing everything with such effortless calm that Eun-ho had no idea how he was supposed to react. All he could do was grit his teeth.
Trying to hide the trembling running through his body, Eun-ho clenched his other fist and stared at the top of Do-hyeon’s head. When Do-hyeon finally lifted his mouth away, the faint wet sound between skin and lips disappeared with it.
He gradually loosened his grip and sat upright. Then he looked at Eun-ho’s stiff expression, his trembling eyes and tightly clenched fist.
And smiled knowingly.
Eun-ho.
You know, don’t you?
You know something is different about this.
Do-hyeon released their intertwined fingers, stood and switched on the kitchen light. The kitchen, which moments before had been dim beneath the faint orange glow of sunset, flooded with white light.
Eun-ho remained staring at one fixed point, his lips pressed tightly together. Do-hyeon watched him for a moment. Then he took a dark brown box from his pocket and placed it on the table.
“Thanks for the cake.”
“…”
“This is my present.”
Do-hyeon nudged the little ribboned box towards Eun-ho and smiled to himself. Eun-ho’s ears were burning as red as the vanished sunset.
After Do-hyeon left, Eun-ho remained alone at the table and buried his face in both hands. His heartbeat seemed to have climbed into his throat. He didn’t dare open his mouth. It felt as though if even the smallest gap appeared, everything inside him would spill through it.
“Crazy bastard… fucking lunatic…”
The weak muttering escaped between his fingers. Eun-ho sat like that for a long time before slowly lifting his head. The small brown box sat conspicuously alone in the middle of the white table. He stared at it without daring to reach out.
Eventually he sighed and cautiously tapped it. The weight travelling through his fingertip was lighter than he had expected. Eun-ho turned his head towards the window. The spectacular sunset had disappeared long ago.
Outside was completely dark, leaving only the kitchen and dining table bright beneath the electric lights. His gaze kept returning to the little box as though pulled towards it by a magnet.
Eun-ho inhaled deeply and finally picked it up. He untied the soft ribbon and opened the lid. Inside was an expensive-looking beige pouch. Within it lay a simple, elegant bracelet. A long braided leather cord ended in a neat pendant. It was identical to the one around Do-hyeon’s wrist.
What expression had Cha Do-hyeon made when Eun-ho asked whether the girl had given him that bracelet?
Eun-ho dropped the box and bracelet back onto the table and covered his forehead and eyes with one hand. He tried to breathe steadily while remembering how Do-hyeon had been looking at him. Instead, useless images kept flickering through his head. Do-hyeon looking up at him with his head lowered. The glimpse of red between his slightly parted lips.
Eun-ho aggressively raked both hands through his hair and scrubbed his dry face again. His entire body felt unbearably restless.
Unable to sit still, he lowered his forehead onto the hard table and breathed. His thoughts were so hazy that he couldn’t tell whether the table was cold or his face was simply too hot.
He remained there for a long time. Eventually, as though finally making a decision, Eun-ho stood and roughly grabbed the box. He went into his room and tossed it carelessly onto his desk. The ribbon slipped silently onto the floor.
Pretending not to notice, Eun-ho collapsed backwards onto his bed. The mattress bounced beneath him. He hadn’t switched on the light. The dark room was deathly quiet. The house's unnecessarily good soundproofing had swallowed everything in silence.
Inside that eerie stillness, only Eun-ho’s heart seemed thunderously loud. Even pressing a microphone directly against someone’s chest couldn’t have made a heartbeat sound more obvious. The thought that Do-hyeon must have heard it earlier made Eun-ho feel faint.
As he lay there, his insides churned like molten lava. He stared at the faint moonlight reflected across the ceiling before squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t even bring himself to cover his face or hide beneath the duvet.
If someone could simply take this confusion away from him, Eun-ho felt as though he might have sold his soul on the spot. He tried everything he could think of to cut off the tangled thoughts inside his head.
He focused on the strange patterns forming behind his closed eyelids. He held his breath for several seconds and concentrated on the faint tickle beneath his nose.
He stroked the duvet and forced himself to think only about its softness. He even imagined water pouring down in a powerful stream. None of it worked.
Every thought ended at Cha Do-hyeon. Eventually, Eun-ho gave up trying to stop them. He decided to simply let them come. The wrist Do-hyeon’s tongue had touched still seemed to burn. Every place Do-hyeon had looked at felt strangely sensitive.
Eun-ho wondered what expression he was supposed to wear when he saw that bastard tomorrow. At the same time, he wondered what expression Do-hyeon would wear when he looked at him. Would he stare silently with only the corners of his mouth lifted? Would his eyes curve with laughter while he teased him as though nothing had happened? Eun-ho couldn’t predict either.
Between the endless suspicion, uncertainty and worry, an unpleasant flutter of excitement repeatedly raised its head before disappearing again.
Once Eun-ho stopped trying to deny the emotions he didn’t even want to name, the turmoil strangely became easier to bear. He watched the thoughts drift through him as though they belonged to somebody else. Slowly, he fell asleep.
For a moment, it almost seemed as though the scent of Cha Do-hyeon’s cologne still lingered in the air.
━━━━ ✦ ━━━━
A heavy weight seemed to press down across Eun-ho’s entire body. He barely managed to twitch his fingers. His throat was painfully dry.
When Eun-ho opened his eyes, he saw a dark figure watching him from the foot of the bed. Startled, he half sat up.
Dim moonlight filtered through the gap in the curtains, gradually revealing the silhouette.
Cha Do-hyeon.
“Ah, fuck! You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?”
Eun-ho clutched his chest and glared. Do-hyeon silently stood. Eun-ho tilted his head back, confused, following Do-hyeon’s upright figure with his eyes. Then one side of the mattress dipped deeply. Do-hyeon had placed one knee on the bed. Eun-ho frowned and looked up again.
“I asked what you’re doing.”
Do-hyeon still didn’t answer. Did this bastard forget how to speak?
He climbed fully onto the bed, bringing his other leg up after him. The mattress sank beneath the additional weight.
Eun-ho slowly pushed himself upright.
Do-hyeon continued moving closer.
Eun-ho shuffled backwards, only for the solid wall behind his bed to stop him. His expression hardened.
“Oi. Fucking stay there. Come any closer, and I’m hitting you.”
Ignoring the warning completely, Do-hyeon smiled lazily and continued moving towards him on his knees. Eun-ho edged backwards inch by inch. His uneasy eyes darted around the room, but Do-hyeon’s gaze, fixed on him from the beginning, never moved.
Finally, Eun-ho’s back hit the wall.
There was nowhere left to go.
He pressed himself as far back as possible, tucked his chin down and glared upwards. Do-hyeon merely smiled at the hostile look and placed both hands against the wall on either side of Eun-ho’s face.
“Why, Eun-ho?”
The calm voice carried a trace of amusement.
“Does it bother you?”
The words echoed strangely in Eun-ho’s ears. Most of the blue-black ceiling disappeared behind Do-hyeon’s body. With Do-hyeon filling his entire field of vision, Eun-ho tried to look elsewhere. It didn’t help.
When he turned his head, all he saw was the pale wrist beside his face, faint veins and tendons visible beneath the skin. When he looked down, his gaze landed on grey joggers stretched over solid thighs.
Eventually, Eun-ho had no choice but to glare directly at Do-hyeon again. Do-hyeon moved closer until there was almost no space left between them. Then he slowly lowered himself.
His face, which had been above Eun-ho’s head, descended until they were almost level. Right in front of Eun-ho’s nose, Do-hyeon lifted one corner of his mouth. Eun-ho stared warily. Do-hyeon slid one knee beneath Eun-ho’s thigh.
The movement forced Eun-ho’s legs apart and pulled his body forwards until he was half reclined against the wall. There was a wall behind him and Cha Do-hyeon in front of him.
Trapped between the two, Eun-ho twisted uncomfortably, unable to work out what to do. Do-hyeon remained infuriatingly calm. Every attempt Eun-ho made to shift away only made the closeness between them more impossible to ignore. Eventually, Eun-ho froze, biting his lip hard enough to drain it of colour.
His mouth opened several times as though he were trying to speak, yet nothing coherent came out. Something seemed to be blocking his throat. For some ridiculous reason, he felt like crying.
A humid dawn breeze drifted through the wide-open window, stirring the thin curtain behind Do-hyeon. Whenever the translucent fabric fluttered aside, pale moonlight flashed through.
Eun-ho finally forced the words clinging stubbornly to the tip of his tongue out of his mouth. He planted both hands against Do-hyeon’s chest.
“Oi… move back.”
The solid body beneath his palms didn’t budge. Humiliation, irritation and embarrassment twisted together across Eun-ho’s face. He stared instead at the curtain billowing beside them. Do-hyeon’s smile deepened.
Still watching Eun-ho with unwavering intensity, Do-hyeon caught the hand pushing at his chest. He opened Eun-ho’s clenched fingers and slowly rubbed his thumb across his palm. The touch lingered in the soft space between Eun-ho’s thumb and forefinger. Heat rushed through Eun-ho.
“Why do you keep telling me to leave?” Do-hyeon murmured.
“That’s cold.”
He moved closer while lazily kneading Eun-ho’s hand. Eun-ho pressed his back harder against the concrete wall, as though he could somehow force himself through it.
“Please just fuck off, you crazy bastard…”
The wall behind him wasn’t cold. Neither was Do-hyeon’s hand. The only unbearable heat seemed to be whatever nameless feeling was boiling beneath Eun-ho’s own skin.
Do-hyeon slowly lowered one arm. With one hand, he gathered both of Eun-ho’s wrists together and held them against his chest. Then he lowered his head towards them. Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
“Get off me, you crazy bastard…”
Breathing hard, Eun-ho tried to push him away.
“Hm?”
Do-hyeon pulled back just enough to look at him.
“Why do you keep telling me to go?”
His eyebrows lowered slightly. His mouth was still curved upwards, yet his eyes weren’t smiling. Eun-ho glared back, his face burning with embarrassment. The easy amusement that had been on Do-hyeon’s face moments before had vanished. Something heavier had taken its place.
Do-hyeon tightened his hold on Eun-ho’s wrists, not enough to hurt, and drew closer again. Every touch seemed impossibly vivid.
The wall against Eun-ho’s back was hard.
The skin where Do-hyeon’s mouth brushed his neck felt damp and hot.
The steady pressure of Do-hyeon’s body kept him pinned in place.
Eun-ho wanted to kick him away and escape the room, yet his body refused to cooperate. Only broken, frustrated sounds escaped him. Everything else had narrowed down to sensation. Overwhelmed, Eun-ho twisted desperately, trying to pull away.
Do-hyeon finally lifted his mouth from his neck and smiled again with that same maddening calm.
“Stay still.”
His lips were noticeably red.
“It’s my birthday.”
Something about the look on his face made Eun-ho’s frustration explode.
“YOU FUCKING BASTARD! WHY IS IT STILL YOUR BIRTHDAY? IT WAS YESTERDAY, YOU CRAZY PRICK!”
Suddenly, whatever had been blocking Eun-ho’s throat disappeared. The sheer relief of finally being able to yell was almost dizzying. Do-hyeon didn’t even look surprised. He simply stared back with a perfectly calm expression.
Behind him, the curtains began billowing violently. The faint moonlight grew brighter and brighter until the entire room shone as though it were midday. Against the blinding light, Do-hyeon grinned.
“Thanks. That was good.”
The curtains, the wallpaper, Cha Do-hyeon and the bed suddenly twisted into impossible shapes before spiralling towards a single point. The room churned around Eun-ho, dragging him helplessly with it. Pale moonlight flashed wildly like a fractal inside a kaleidoscope. The mattress beneath him rippled and collapsed into the same distant point.
And at that exact moment— Eun-ho’s eyes flew open. Warm morning sunlight filled the room. The pale grey curtains fluttered gently before the window. Somewhere in the distance, birds chirped. The fresh, damp scent of a summer morning tickled his nose.
In the middle of that utterly peaceful scene, Eun-ho stared into space and whispered in despair.
“I’m fucking screwed.”
He hadn’t woken up like this since the first years of secondary school.