South; Beside the Sky. 

Chapter 46. Growing old together.

 

I woke up early as usual. I was used to waking up early, and I always did, even though I was exhausted from the zoo the day before. Because of North and Ter, they couldn't even walk properly. They just wanted to play horseback riding or something, acting like kids. That's why they had to let me take care of them.

 

I found no trace of the person sleeping next to me. Phi Fah woke up around 5:30 a.m. No matter how much he read or what happened, he had to go to bed at 2 a.m. This was our agreement, which Phi Fah never broke, not even once. Not because he wasn't asleep, but because I was awake.

 

I slowly got out of bed and opened the bedroom door. I saw the body's owner and decided to sit down at the table.

 

"You got up very early," I said. "Good morning. What time did you get up? And what time did you go to bed last night?"

 

"I wake up around 4:30 and go to sleep at 11 pm."

 

"Go to bed early," I said. By 11 p.m., Phi Fah is usually focused on reading.

 

"Maybe I'm feeling a little tired."

 

"So why did you get up so early?"

 

"I think I'll run today."

 

"Ah, it's been a long time since you ran."

 

"Yes, do you want to come?"

 

Yes, I will come with you.

 

Phi Fah works out quite often. I've heard that all medical groups enjoy working out. At first, they didn't want to, but when they had free time, they invited each other to the gym. Once they tried working out, they became addicted. Phi Fah said it helps clear the mind. I've also heard that working out helps the brain function better. If that's true, it could be another secret to being successful in studying for a medical career.

 

Since he's short on time, Phi Fah rarely goes to the gym. He prefers running in the morning. If he can't study until late and can get up early, he invites me, who gets up early, to run in the university stadium. Of course, I go with him. The last time I went, I met North and Phi Jo. I don't know if I'll meet them again this time.

 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Phi Fah asked for the third time. It was the third time I'd come home from the zoo last night. It wasn't raining at all. Only a few drops fell when we took shelter from the rain. There was just a little fog.

 

"When you woke up, your head didn't hurt, did it?"

 

“No, I'm fine,” I replied.

 

"Okay. So, do you want to run or just sit and watch like last time?"

 

"I never sit back and watch, I always run," I argued. "Well, walking 20 meters can be considered a run."

 

"Last time, I sat down and played with North because North was tired. You guys didn't wait for us to run," I said, referring to Phi Jo and Phi Fah. They didn't wait for us, so we had to sit down and play together because we couldn't keep up with them.

 

"So this time we'll run together."

 

"Yes," I nodded before putting on a t-shirt, sweatpants, and running shoes. Phi Fah bought me these running shoes without asking. He said if he'd asked, I wouldn't have let him buy them. Who would have let him buy them? They were expensive, but Phi Fah said they were safer, so he bought them in exchange for more frequent outings and training. That would be worth the price of the shoes. Well, today I'll train as hard as these shoes cost!

 

"Are you okay?" Phi Fah asked worriedly as we walked back to our shared room. I said I'd run to make the shoes worth it. Let me just say, I did my best. If I'd run longer, I could have trained to become a SEAL.

 

"Two laps is enough."

 

"Phoon, two and a half turns."

 

"Okay, okay. Two laps of running and half a lap of walking."

 

"I'll run again tomorrow. I want to run as bad as a SEAL."

 

"That many? SEALs don't just train to run."

 

"Just run. I'm so tired."

 

"I'm going to class now. Where do you want to go today?"

 

"Um, no. I'll stay in my room."

 

"Okay. I'll be done by 3:00. I'll be right back."

 

"If I could find you, that would be great."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I'll take you to class and pick you up. That way you won't get tired of driving."

 

"Oh, do you want to drive?"

 

"Yes, I know how to ride a motorcycle. How about I ride my motorcycle to school?"

 

"Are your legs big enough? Your legs can't reach a big motorcycle, but they can reach a normal motorcycle."

 

"Ah, right."

 

"Well, then I'll go to class."

 

"What's wrong, Fah?"

 

"Me? Why?"

 

"Your name is Fah, right?"

 

“Yeah, I was just thinking about something,” I replied, looking at the person in front of me.

 

"Have you ever thought about the day you left?"

 

"YES."

 

"Why are you suddenly asking me?"

"I don't know. Have you ever thought about what would happen if I died suddenly? And Ter?"

 

"That's a tough question," Jo said, seeing Hill look uncomfortable. Hill nodded in return.

 

"I've thought about it, but I don't want to. I don't want to leave Ter."

 

"No one would want that, but it's not up to you."

 

"Fah, do you have a serious illness? Why are you suddenly talking about death?" asked Jo.

 

"Did you find anything on the test? It's bad enough that Arthit has AIDS."

 

"Jo, I don't have AIDS."

 

“Did you take your medicine today?” Hill joked.

 

"Yes, I drank. Hey! You too?"

 

"I don't have any illness," I replied. "I just think about what would happen if I died."

 

"Well, if you're too worried, I'll hold your funeral. Just tell me how much you want it."

 

"That's not the problem, Jo. What about Phoon? Who's going to take care of him? He still gets lost and forgets things. He gets sick even from a little rain."

 

"Ah," Jo frowned and nodded. "You're thinking too much."

 

"How could I not think of that? How could I die in peace?"

 

"How old are you, Fah? You look like an old man," said Arthit. "First you were talking about children, now you're talking about dying in peace."

 

"Fah has always been a planner," Hill said. "But I never thought he would plan his death."

 

"It might not be such a bad idea," I said. "What do you think?"

 

"I don't know, but you're right. It's not a bad thing to think about. I want Ter to be able to take care of himself while I'm away. I'll save up a lot of money so he won't have any problems," Hill sighed. "I feel old talking about it."

 

"And you, Jo?"

 

"Seriously, I plan to leave everything to North in my will, but on the condition that he not have another partner."

 

“Even in death you're possessive,” I joked.

 

"What if he uses my money for his new partner? That would be too much."

 

"Yes, if I die, I don't want Ter to have anyone else. But who will take care of him?"

 

“You look confused, Hill,” I said.

 

"Fah, what if Phoon had a new partner after your death? Would you accept it?" asked Jo.

 

"I don't know. But wouldn't it be nice if he had someone to take care of him? Even if just thinking about it makes me angry."

 

"You're a saint," Jo laughed. "But I doubt Phoon will find anyone else. For him, there's only you."

 

"This just makes me worry even more."

 

"It's good that you're thinking about the future, but aren't you worrying too much? You sound like you're going to die tomorrow," Hill said, frowning. I sighed; perhaps I was thinking too much.

 

"Look Arthit, he could die at any moment and he wouldn't care."

 

"Why did you bring me up? I've been quiet this whole time," Arthit protested.

 

"And what do you think?" Hill asked again.

 

"Like you. Save a lot of money so there won't be any problems. Do what you can while you can."

 

"Did you teach Phoon to take care of himself?" Hill asked.

"Yes, Phoon is trying to take care of himself, so I'm not worried. Like yesterday at the zoo, he seemed fine. Especially the problem of getting lost. If he graduates, has a job and some savings, and knows how to drive, there's not much to worry about."

 

"Fah, are you aware of this?"

 

"What?"

 

“You sound like a father,” Hill said.

 

"Yeah, right," Jo added. "As if your son had a job, a salary, savings, and could take care of himself. You're more of a father than a boyfriend."

 

"Really? But that's how I feel. It's not that I don't want to take care of him, I'm just afraid I won't always be able to. That's why I want him to be able to take care of himself."

 

"I understand," Hill said, nodding. "I thought the same thing about you. Do everything you can while we still have time. Even if it sounds like you're talking about your own death."

 

"Don't compete with me. I want to be with Phoon as long as possible."

 

"Fah, you don't look like you're going to die. You look like you've lived longer," Jo said.

 

"Why?"

 

“You don’t drink, you rarely smoke, you drive safely, you exercise, and you live a healthy lifestyle,” Jo said, looking at Arthit.

 

"Me again?"

 

“I didn’t say anything,” I protested.

 

"But I want to live a long life," Arthit said. "Even though I drink, smoke, and drive poorly, I also exercise."

 

“Does exercise replace everything?” I asked.

 

“Yes, weightlifting cures cancer,” Arthit joked.

 

"Wow, what a doctor!" Hill said with a sigh.

 

"But lifting weights can't cure stupidity."

 

"Jo's been lifting weights for years, but he's still stupid."

 

"Hill, are you insulting me?"

 

"No, he just said your name."

 

"Yes, Jo, you're an idiot."

 

"Speaking of death, you could just walk by, get hit by a car, and die, Thit."

 

“That car must be a black Audi,” I said, because black Audis were Jo’s favorite cars.

 

"No, but a truck. Make sure you die instantly."

 

“Johan, this isn’t funny,” Thit said, glaring angrily at Jo.

 

Today I spent the whole day decorating the balcony. Initially, it was empty, with just a few potted plants. But since I was free and wanted to surprise Phi Fah, I redecorated it. I found an old mattress in the closet, cleaned it, and let it dry.

 

I can't call it a surprise, because Phi Fah saw me hanging the mattress, and I had to ask Phi Fah for help lifting it because I couldn't do it alone. Phi Fah asked me what I was going to do. When I told him I was going to decorate the balcony, he didn't say anything.

 

I took the old mattress, used it as a bed, and hung some twinkling lights around it, along with pillows, sheets, and blankets. The bed is just the right size for this balcony. I placed some pillows around the bed, placed a small table next to it, and moved the flower pots. But would that cause any problems?

 

Would he be mad at me? Probably not. When he helped me dry the mattress, he didn't say anything. While I was there admiring my work, Phi Fah returned promptly.

 

"You Fah,"

 

"Yes? What's wrong? You're so excited."

 

"Close your eyes."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Close your eyes."

 

"Oh, okay. Are there any surprises?"

 

"I just want you to be excited," I said. Before the person in front of me slowly closed his eyes after taking off his backpack, I took his hand and asked him to follow me onto the balcony. When he stopped at the spot I'd just agreed upon, I said, "Don't open your eyes yet."

 

"OK."

 

I turned on the decorative lights on the balcony, which were supposed to be turned on to make it more beautiful. I only turned them on when it was dark, and the result was very beautiful.

 

"You can open your eyes."

 

Phi Fah slowly opened his eyes, looking slightly surprised when he saw what was in front of him, then gave me a broad smile.

 

"Very good. You're really good. Have you been doing this all day?"

 

"Yes, but I also cleaned the bathroom, swept the room, mopped the floors, put things away, and cleaned the kitchen before coming here to tidy up."

 

"You worked hard, thank you."

 

"Do you like it, Phi Fah?"

 

"I like."

 

"If you like it, all the better. I'm not tired anymore." I smiled as I walked over to the bed and sat down. "The atmosphere here is pleasant. You can go out and read a book whenever you want, but you have to use mosquito repellent first."

 

Phi Fah didn't say anything and sat down next to me. The atmosphere was perfect, romantic, with the yellow light illuminating his handsome, slightly tired face.

 

"How was your day?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Are you tired of studying? Tell me."

 

"You ask yourself that every day."

 

"Because I want to listen to you."

 

"Then talk to me about yourself first. Are you tired of work? There's no need. You can let the maid clean as usual."

 

"Do you think I don't clean it as well as the maid?"

 

"No, it's not like that. I'm just afraid you're tired."

 

"You asked me from the beginning. I want to do it. All right; there's no need to hire a maid anymore. Just hire Phoon."

 

"You're very good at cleaning. How much does it cost?"

 

"It's not expensive. Let me take care of you."

 

"You look so adorable now."

 

"Hehe. When you say that, I get embarrassed. You're adorable too."

 

"You don't have to say that," Phi Fah said before pulling me onto his lap. He hugged me from behind and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. After a few moments, he stopped kissing me. "Today's payment."

 

"Mmm. I'm ashamed."

 

"I understand, you're blushing. It's okay, it's okay," Phi Fah said affectionately, leaning back against the pillow they'd provided for her. This allowed me to lean against Phi Fah's chest, stretching my legs to sit comfortably. "What's going on today?"

 

"Hm? I just cleaned as usual today. Nothing interesting."

 

"Tell me. I like hearing your voice."

"Um. When you were in college, I washed the dishes, put them away, and then cleaned the bathroom. But since it was already clean, I just scrubbed the sink and put the things away. I swept and mopped the room. I took the rag I used for washing. Initially, I wanted to wash my clothes too, but there was nothing to wash. So I washed your lab coat. Then I put the things away in the room, filled the vase with water, threw out the trash, and came out onto this balcony to clean."

 

"Oh, you've worked hard. Are you interested in asking for a higher salary?"

 

"Um, that's enough." I pouted a little. "Tell me about Phi Fah."

 

"I have morning classes and afternoon labs. Now that the final exam is almost here, the teacher is rushing to explain the material. He said he's worried he won't be able to finish it."

 

"Wow, isn't that too much material?"

 

"Yes, it's too much. I can't sleep anymore. Should I ask the professor to explain the material a little less? My boyfriend is really worried about me."

 

"It's not nice of you to talk like that to a professor," I said, but didn't turn around. "I was also secretly looking at your book."

 

"So, how?"

 

"I don't understand anything. It's all in English."

 

"So it's a good thing you didn't choose medicine, because that's what you're going to have to deal with."

 

"Thank God. If I had, I would have died. I wasn't even good at operating on frogs in veterinary school," I thought. I remembered the class where we dissected frogs and felt nauseous.

 

"You always said you wanted to be a doctor."

 

"But that time, ah, let's forget it. Now there's no need to talk about it anymore."

 

"Hm, it's good if you study what you like, so you can work based on what you like."

 

"Are You Fah?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You like being a doctor, don't you?" I asked softly, because Phi Fah once said he didn't know what he really liked. "You once said you only did what people expected of you, so you don't know your true dream."

 

"Now I know."

 

"And what is it?"

 

"Really. Now, medical school isn't so bad. It's something I can do. Besides, I don't know what I'd do if I weren't a doctor. I'll end up working with my dad; that's what my parents expect. I don't want to disappoint them. If I had a clearer dream, I'd follow it, but since I don't, I don't know what to do."

 

"Until now?"

 

"No. I have another dream: to take care of Phoon and our children. Working for my father is stable enough and can support Phoon and our children without any problems, right?"

 

Saying "fairly stable" isn't enough. Having a private hospital with multiple locations across the country goes beyond that definition.

 

"I want Phoon to stay home and take care of the children. I'll be the one working."

 

“Are you crazy? Phoon has to work too,” I replied immediately.

 

"Phoon can take jobs as a photographer, but he shouldn't work too hard."

 

"It's not fair. You'll work a lot alone this way."

 

"I can do it."

 

"And will you have time for the children?" I asked seriously. "You have to spend time with them. Otherwise, they won't love you."

 

“Wow, threatening children that they won’t love me is cruel.”

 

"Yes, you should spend a lot of time playing with them."

"Then I'll save first. When we have enough money, we'll have children. Then we won't work so hard."

 

"How much is enough?"

 

"Is a billion enough? I want them to go to an international school."

 

What kind of person wonders if a billion is enough?

 

"International schools are better. They meet different people and improve their language skills."

 

"You've got it all planned out," I said, though I wasn't surprised Phi Fah was thinking so far ahead. It was his style. "I have to practice my faith; I was thinking so far ahead. It was his style. I have to practice my language, otherwise I won't understand the boys' friends."

 

"Practice now."

 

"Yes, I'll start tomorrow," I said, realizing we were talking about shameless children. I blushed slightly. "Why a billion? Are international schools so expensive?"

 

"It's not just tuition, Phoon. There are many expenses, like the house, the car."

 

"Yes, I don't think I have anything planned."

 

"It's okay. Leave it to me," he said in a deep voice, hugging me from behind. "Phoon."

 

"Candies?"

 

"I'll do everything I can. If one day I'm gone, you can carry on, right?"

 

"You are Fah."

 

"Oh, does that seem too sad to you? It's just an example."

 

"Do you have a serious illness?" I asked immediately, leaving his embrace and looking at him worriedly.

 

"You ask like Jo."

"Phi Fah, do you have cancer? Or heart problems? No, diabetes? No, you don't like sweet foods. Gout? No, no. Do you smoke a lot? No, it's not lung cancer. You don't drink much either. You don't sleep much; it must be because of high blood pressure. I've told you many times not to sleep too little. You sleep after two? I'll beat you. Why don't you listen to me? What should we do now? Have you seen a doctor? There are drugs for high blood pressure, don't give up."

 

"Phoon."

 

"I have to call my uncle. I'll tell him to send someone to get you. I'll have you admitted to the hospital. Or I'll call an ambulance. An ambulance!"

 

"Phoon, calm down. You're screaming."

 

"Don't underestimate the disease!" I said seriously, looking at Phi Fah, who stopped. I left the bed to look for my phone, but Phi Fah stopped me.

 

"Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with me."

 

"Don't lie. Are you lying so I don't worry? Fine, you can tell me anything. Medicine has made a lot of progress. But wait, you're a doctor, you should know this."

 

"Yes I know."

 

"Did you lie to me?" I frowned when I saw he didn't seem concerned. "Lying like that is cruel."

 

"I didn't lie. I didn't say I had a disease."

 

"Then why do you talk about dying?" I complained, pouting. Phi Fah smiled and hugged me again, resting his chin on my shoulder and kissing my cheek.

 

"This is just an example. In ten years, if I'm gone, will you be able to continue living?"

 

I unconsciously bit my lip when I realized what he meant. "I don't know. Asking that out of the blue like that."

 

"I was just thinking about that."

 

"What if it were the other way around? If I weren't here, what would you do?"

 

"I can't imagine it."

 

"I can't imagine it either," I said softly. "If I said I couldn't go on and went on anyway, you'd be so angry."

 

"Yes, very angry. Don't do it."

 

"I know, I won't. It depends on the timing. If you're not there when I'm very old, it won't be so bad because we'll be together again soon. If you're not there when I'm older, with children and grandchildren, I'll be a grandfather playing with his grandchildren, telling them about you every day. But I'm not sure I can cry anymore. If you're not there when I'm middle-aged or forty, when the children are grown, I'll be strong for them. I'll think of you every day and talk to them about you. I might cry in bed, but not in front of them. If you're not there when I'm thirty, when we have small children, it will be really hard and I'll have to raise them all alone. I'll cry, I'll hug them, I'll talk to them about you and remember you, but it will take me a while to be strong. If you're not there when I'm twenty, fresh out of college, I won't have a family. I'll be a photographer traveling the world, taking pictures of you everywhere. I'll spend my life traveling and, Eventually, I'll come back here, where we were together. But if Phi Fah weren't here now... it would be really hard. I can't imagine it.

 

"I understand. Don't cry."

 

"I'm not crying."

 

"You're amazing. You're not a crybaby anymore."

 

"Yes, I'm fine," I said, wiping away the tears streaming down my cheeks. I wasn't crying; just a few tears welled up in my eyes. "And Phi Fah?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"If I disappeared, what would you do?"

 

"I'll be alone. If we have children, I'll do my best to take care of them. I'll take care of everything between us. I'll remember our stories and think of you every day. I won't let our memories fade even a little. I'll remember your smile, your voice, your hugs, your laughter, your tears, your warmth, your scent."

 

"Will there be no one else?"

 

"Do you want someone else?"

 

"Well... if I were to die, I'd want someone to take care of Phi Fah."

 

"I also want someone to take care of Phoon."

 

"No, there's no need. All my memories are of Phi Fah. How could anyone replace you?"

 

"Me too. Nothing else."

 

"Then take care of yourself when I'm not around."

 

"It sounds really sad, even if it's just a hypothesis."

 

"Phi Fah asked first. Do you promise to take care of yourself?"

 

"Yes, I will take care of myself as Phoon takes care of me. Phoon, too, take care of yourself as I take care of you."

 

"It might not be perfect, but I'll try."

 

"It's a promise," Phi Fah said as we intertwined our fingers, promising to take care of each other if the other were gone. "But if you can, don't leave."

 

“Do you want me to be a ghost that follows you?” My question made Phi Fah laugh.

 

"No, not leaving means not separating, staying together like this."

 

"Oh, yes. If possible, I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be with you for a long time and I don't want you to leave."

 

“Yeah, I don’t want to go anywhere,” Phi Fah said, hugging me tighter.

 

"Even if we become centenarian grandparents, I would still want to hug Phoon like this."

 

"Even though I'm one hundred and fifty years old, I still wish Phi Fah would hug me like this."

 

"And two hundred years?"

"Two hundred years seems like too long. Really, even a hundred years is impossible. It's better this way: I don't know how long we'll live, so let's grow old together."

 

"Yes, we grow old together."

 

"We are uncles, grandparents, and great-grandparents all at once."

 

Yes, Phi Fah will be your uncle, grandfather, and great-grandfather. I smiled broadly at Phi Fah. I feel warmth in my heart. I smiled broadly at Phi Fah, feeling warmth in my heart. Because if not him, no one can replace him, not today, not tomorrow, not next month, not next year, not in ten, not twenty years. He's always him.

 

Decades from now, we will be parents, walking side by side, smiling and caring for each other as we always have.

 

"Phoon ama Phi Fah."

"Phi Fah likes Phoon too."

 

Because it will always be him, we grow old together.

And they all lived happily ever after...