South; Beside the Sky. 

"Will it work?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Phi Fah, how did he not know this was from you, you idiot!?" North raised his eyebrows. "We've been talking about my letter for five minutes now."

 

"Your handwriting is still clearly visible. So how do you do it? Usually, people write letters to someone they don't know. It seems difficult."

 

“Well, what North said is true,” Dao agreed.

 

"But I want you to say it. If we don't want Phi Fah to know it's Phoon, um." North was silent for a moment. He frowned as if considering. "Across the line?"

 

"I don't think so. Phi Fah won't talk online to people he doesn't know. He'll block everything. That'll make him look like a psychopath," Ter said.

 

"Anyway, I'd like to write a letter," I said, looking at them. "I like writing letters, too. And it makes me nostalgic."

 

"Then write a letter," North concluded. "The decision is yours."

 

“Okay,” I nodded.

 

"So, let's think about the next step. What if Phi Fah wrote you a letter back?" Ter asked. "It's like in high school. I once saw a friend who secretly liked a senior, and I sent him a letter or a snack."

 

"But I think it could work," Dao said. "Even if Phi Fah doesn't respond to Phoon's letter, he'll know someone appreciates him."

 

"Yes, I agree." North nodded. This is a serious topic for everyone. We began to exchange opinions. "I'm the kind of person who, if I love someone, has to tell them. You secretly like Phi Fah. What would you do for him? It doesn't mean you secretly like him for no reason, right?"

 

I secretly like it for no reason. But that's how it is.

 

“I like that word. I secretly like you for no reason,” Ter repeated, and Small laughed.

"Oh, that's true. If you can't do it, that's okay. But if you can, do it.

 

Be prepared to care for him, listen to him, be by his side, and support him from afar. He may never know. Memories will have meaning if they are passed on.

 

"Ah." I remained silent, thinking. Memories have meaning when they are passed on. North is right.

 

Let's assume he doesn't understand. The feelings we convey to him won't help. I want to convey my feelings to him. When Fan started writing me letters, it was because she was like that, too.

 

“When you realised Phi Johan was starting to like you, what did you do?” I asked.

 

"I told him I was honest and gave him something."

 

“You gave it to him even before he became your boyfriend,” Ter said.

 

"I don't see anything wrong with it. Well, my heart has fallen for him. Why should I deny my feelings?"

 

“I like you,” Ter said, preparing to laugh.

 

"You're really in love."

 

"I might not be able to do what you do," I said softly. It's like drawing a line. Everything that happens in front of North seems inevitable.

 

“You don’t have to do what I did. Do it your way,” North raised his eyebrows.

 

"Express yourself." I smiled and nodded in understanding.

 

"Then let's start by sending the first letter." Dao was silent for a moment, probably taking advantage of the time we'd spent thinking about the plan. "Include small items like a bottle of water. There's no need to write too much."

 

We were all silent, listening to Dao speak.

 

"Don't overdo it. There's no need to send letters too often at first. Pay attention to Phi Fah's behaviour. If he seems okay, we can send letters more often. Otherwise, we'll have to back off."

 

"Go back?" asked Ter.

 

"Just smiling shows he doesn't like you. If you give him too much, you might look like a stalker."

 

"Oh, that's right." Ter nodded immediately. "I remember Phi Hill once saying that Phi Fah had a stalker. At first, he sent him something in the usual way. Phi Fah received it well, and they exchanged gifts, but eventually the stalker took it too far and continued to follow him."

 

"Phi Johan told him to stop," North said. "He told me that once, too."

 

“Right, it’s not hard to track him down,” Ter continued, making me even more uncomfortable.

 

"So Phi Johan will tell me to stop, too?"

 

"Meowing."

 

"Phoon."

 

"What... what do you mean?"

 

"You shouldn't have asked that." North sighed softly. "If Phi Johan knew who you were, he probably wouldn't do anything. But Phi Johan will accept it if it's you."

 

"So we have to be careful not to be traced," Ter said. "Send it as usual. As if it came from just one of our juniors."

 

I secretly like Phi Fah. It might not be strange. One day, Phi Fah will receive something from someone. How many people have sent him snacks?

 

"Okay." I agree with what North said. Phi Fah must have received a lot. Every day. So, will he read my letter?

 

"All right. Our strength is perseverance," North said. "There are still four years to go. Before Phi Fah graduates from college."

 

"Four years?"

 

"Are you discouraged, Phoon? Since when do you love Phi Fah?"

"Since I recognised the word, love."

 

"It's like a lifetime."

 

"Yes, all my life."

 

"So, can you love him for another four years?"

 

“From now on, he can take over the rest of my life,” I said, inadvertently smiling, which made the others smile too.

 

I've started writing my first letter. It's not the right time to start college. However, in my third year of medical school, they started studying more intensely. Nowadays, medical students study together. This way, North and Ter can come to my room to play. Otherwise, it's difficult to leave.

 

Dao taught me to write in a different style. It's quite difficult, but I've started. North said we should leave it with someone unknown or secretly put it in the classroom where Phi Fah studied. First, no one can see it. Second, make sure Phi Fah accepts it.

 

“They’re going to the lab this afternoon,” Ter said, checking the Phi Hill class schedule on his phone.

 

"Will you keep this a secret?"

 

"Isn't that too risky?" Dao asked with a worried look on his face.

 

"It's already eleven o'clock. They could have been in another building. But the question is: is there anyone in that lab?"

 

"It's very difficult. If we use this method, won't we secretly feel disappointed?" North asked.

 

"Do this at first. Maybe we can arrange a time to donate something if there's any development later. You can put it somewhere," Dao said. "Or you can let one of Phi Fah's friends look at it. Maybe they'll give it to you."

 

"So, Phoon, have you finished writing it?"

"Why do you keep smiling? Could you just show a smiling face?"

 

"Oh, Phoon, what's the point of Dao teaching you how to write?" North held his temple.

 

"Please write it down."

 

"Do you want to eat well?"

 

"Just use it."

 

"North, are you serious?" I asked. I've written a lot, but I can't write. I threw all my old papers in the trash. "Have I written too much?"

 

"It's too banal, Phoon. We have to be different to stand out. Otherwise, he'll ignore it like any other letter," North said, crossing his arms over his chest with a serious expression. "Other letters might ask something like that. As soon as I read it, I have to say:

 

"Damn, this guy is crazy about you."

 

"Phi Fah. I like you." I find that quite funny.

 

"Wow, that shows your feelings," Ter said, laughing heartily. "The letter will stand out. It's impressive."

 

"Hey, I'm just kidding. Guys." I sighed deeply. "Why do I have to say I like someone unconditionally?"

 

"We all agree."

 

"Knife."

 

"That's funny. Phi Fah must be laughing," Dao replied confidently. "I can do it. I'm Cupid. If I were on that ship, they wouldn't have drowned."

 

I turned my head to look at the person speaking. What does that mean? And finally, as everyone started talking too much, I felt increasingly credible.

 

"Okay, I wrote it."

 

"Where?"

"As."

"Phi Fah. I like you."

 

"Are you serious? Is your love that constant?" North asked, ready to speak louder. "But if you call him Phi, he'll know you're a Nong."

 

"Oh, I see. Is it too easy to guess?" I think.

 

"No, the writing doesn't indicate it came from Phoon," Ter said. "If I were him, I wouldn't think it came from you."

 

"That's enough."

 

Is that true? While all my friends were practising self-defence, I felt my heart sink, especially North's, who seemed more excited than anyone else. We arrived at the medical school; downstairs wasn't too crowded, perhaps most people were studying. The atmosphere felt like a secret mission, with four men standing side by side. It doesn't look convincing at all.

 

"Did you bring a snack?"

 

"A bag of snacks. I don't know if Phi TonFah will like it, but I want to give it away." The front of the paper bag says "For Phi TonFah." Inside are snacks, water, and a piece of paper.

 

"Isn't it too obvious? Dao himself said I had to be careful, and this writing seemed too flashy," I whispered anxiously, hesitantly staring at the paper bag in my hand.

 

"Are you scared, Phoon? Make your debut memorable. I told you: don't be mediocre like everyone else. Trust me, he'll be interested in you."

 

"Negatively interested?"

 

"Don't think so. Phi Fah will like it, trust me."

 

I don't want to believe North's words, who always says, "Trust me."

 

"Hey, hey, hey. Look there! Phi Athit, right?" North nudged me as he bent down to get a better look. I saw Phi Athit walking toward the room.

 

"Put it in front. He'll give it to Phi Fah," North bargained. "Come on, let me put it down." North took the paper bag from my hand, walked into the room, and set it down. He ran back while we waited anxiously to see the results. I hope Phi Athit gets that bag.

 

The newspaper was finally taken, but... Oh no, Phi Athit opened it! North tried to hold back his laughter when he saw Phi Athit take the newspaper out of his bag, read it, and then giggle. He put the newspaper back in his bag just as it was, but then took the snack. Don't touch mine!!!! Hiks.

 

"Wait, that's impossible," North said in surprise. "Phi Athit ate my snack. Why did you do that? I bought it for Phi Fah!" "Looks like we're giving it to the wrong person."

 

"Oh, great."

 

"Shiites."

 

"It's okay. It's just a snack. The newspaper might still be in your bag."

 

"How can you be sure?"

 

"Why does Phi Athit have to come?" I muttered, ready to take a deep breath. Even though it's not expensive, I bought it with the intention of eating Phi Fah. I sighed again, trying to convince myself that Phi Athit might have forgotten breakfast and was hungry.

 

"Phi Athit," Dao called the snack thief by name. We looked at the person sitting next to me, drinking fresh milk. We were now sitting in a café behind the university.

 

"What's the problem?"

 

"Uh, no. I was just thinking..."

 

"What?"

 

"It's nothing."

 

I raised my eyebrows, a little surprised. Dao was always like this: he seemed to be hiding a lot in his mind, but he never said it. We tried asking him once, but it's just his personality. He doesn't like to talk. Completely different from North, who always talks too much.

 

"Your love will end in vain."

 

"Damn, North! What the hell are those words!" I held my temples as I listened to the comments of the person sitting across from me. "It's just a snack! A snack!" I emphasised. "He ate a snack, not my love!"

 

“Pray that the letter reaches Phi Fah,” North said, changing the subject, “and pray that the message in the letter also works.”

 

"Why do you have to pray? Didn't you say you were sure of yourself?" I asked, my brow furrowed.

 

"Really, Phoon."

 

"OH."

 

"I'm not sure at all, I'm just kidding."

 

"Damn it, North!"

 

"Fah"

 

"Mmm?"

 

"Someone left you something." He sat down next to me and placed a paper bag of chocolates on the table. I didn't turn to look because I was too focused on my writing assignment.

 

"What is it?"

 

"The empty package."

 

"An empty shell?"

 

"I'm kidding, there's a snack inside."

 

"Did you eat it?"

 

"YES."

 

"Okay," I shrugged, a little casually. "Things like this are commonplace. I'm used to it. Besides, I don't like snacks."

"Try opening it and seeing the contents."

 

"Didn't you say there were only snacks?"

 

"There are still more."

 

I took the paper bag and opened it. Inside was a small bottle of water and a piece of paper.

 

“Why?” I asked, but it didn’t seem strange.

 

"Try reading it first. Why do you keep asking?"

 

"Thit, you sound like you don't have any homework to turn in this semester," said Johan, who was sitting across from Thit, still looking down and writing. I picked up the paper and read it. Then I was surprised by the sentence written there.

Phi Fah. I like you.

 

"Why are you smiling, Fah?"

 

"Nothing."

 

It's been about a week since the second semester started. After I turned in the assignment to Phi Fah, there was no follow-up. North even said he was just kidding. This makes me even more uncertain.

 

"Hey, I said I was just kidding. But maybe it's better to work!"

 

"Are you kidding me?"

 

"Ter, help me. Dao, why is this cat so angry?"

 

"North, sometimes you deserve to be hit, but don't be too harsh. Only with a soft pillow."

 

I responded by hitting North in the face with a store-bought couch cushion. Sigh. Not bad, Phoon. That might be a good start. North can tell me. If you hadn't stayed there, your snack would have been eaten too.

 

It's after 10 p.m. I've read my book, though I still doubt it's a good idea to repeat the health test. But it's better to read it; who knows, maybe I'll have to do it later. If I do take the test, I have to keep my distance from these people, even if I don't want to.

 

The group notification is ringing. The four of us are in that group called "Take Miao to Get Vaccinated." North changed the group's name after I hit him with a pillow that day.

 

SS: The semester will start soon.

Dao sent the message. The two "S"s are an abbreviation for Shooting Star.

 

Phoon: Really? Dao looks excited, haha.

SS: No, meow must be excited.

Phoon: Why?

SS.: @North

North: What the hell?

North: I want to sleep.

Easter: Wrong group?

North: Oh, sorry, haha.

North: Regarding the letter to Phi Fah.

North: Have you started writing it? University starts tomorrow, I'll give it to you.

Phoon: Okay, are you sure this time?

North: Oh, I won't joke anymore, haha.

North: Write normally. Adding snacks is fine.

Phoon: Okay.

Phoon: Sending stickers

 

I rest my head on the table, thinking about the contents of the letter. At first, I said I was still sceptical, so I decided not to write it. But based on the previous conversation, I have to continue. There's no other choice. After all, everyone is trying to help. If that's the case, I have to. The notification rings again. This time, Dao has sent a private message.

 

SS.: Miao.

SS: I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time.

SS: But I don't dare.

Phoon: What?

SS.: That one.

SS: What you wrote says you like it.

Phone: Um, why?

Phoon: Isn't that a good thing?

SS: No, it's just that people can tell you're a sophomore by writing that way.

SS: Because at that time, you weren't even a year old yet.

SS: But you once said that Phi Fah belongs to Nong Dew, right?

SS: So it won't be easy to find out who wrote it.

 

Oh, a disaster has happened!

Phoon: This is too predictable.

 

If you use words like "you and me," people will assume you're a second-year student. This can be difficult because first-year students don't know much yet. You might not even know that medical students start classes before the official start time. Why didn't I think of that before?

 

Phoon: What should I do?

Ss.: If Phi Fah didn't receive the letter, it doesn't matter.

Ss.: If accepted, you must state that it is a typo. Don't just say it's a joke.

Ss.: We're just giving advice. But ultimately, the decision is yours.

Phoon: Okay, thanks for telling me.

Phoon: I'll pretend it's just a spelling mistake.

SS: Okay.

SS: I hope tomorrow is a good day for my meow!

Phoon: I hope you have a good day too.

 

"Why choose chocolate milk?"

 

"I like it," I replied. Today I asked North to come early to deliver the letter. Now I'm at the 7-Eleven buying snacks for Phi Fah. The place is near the engineering school.

 

"A bottle of chocolate milk?"

 

"Yes, that's enough for a group."

 

"Did you receive money from Saipay?"

 

"Uhh."

 

"A bottle of chocolate milk. Is that enough?"

 

"I think that's enough."

 

"And the letter?"

"I don't know yet." I frowned, annoyed. "I haven't written it yet. I don't know how to write it."

 

"We've started something big. We have to keep playing big."

 

"Enough. Do we have to play great every day?"

 

After we finished shopping, North and I left the store. I put everything I'd packed in my bag. I bought Phi Fah a box of chocolate milk and a tuna sandwich. I only choose things they're supposed to like.

 

"Do you have a bag?"

 

"Get your bag from 7-Eleven. Don't draw too much attention."

 

"Hurry up, write the letter, I have a class soon."

 

"Oh, I know."

 

I sat down on the bench, took a piece of paper and a pen and prepared to write.

 

"What do you think about this? Any ideas?"

 

"Um." North remained silent, pretending to think.

 

"Phi Fah, I like you."

 

"Damn, do you want to write the same thing as before?"

 

"I don't know, Phoon. I'm not sensitive enough to understand."

 

"Maybe you're right."

 

I remained silent, thinking for a moment. Then, finally, I decided to write:

 

Per. TonFah

 

You might not have had breakfast. This sandwich is delicious, I assure you, because I eat it often. This chocolate milk is also delicious. Plus, milk is good for you. I hope your college journey goes smoothly and you don't get sleepy.

 

"Why do you have to go to college and not be sleepy?"

 

"It's normal. If you look at medical students on campus, they often look sleepy."

 

"So why do you and I have to say this?"

 

"Dao said that if you and I use those words, I'll sound like a sophomore," I explained. North's eyes immediately widened with a surprised expression. I'm sure he hadn't thought about it at all.

 

After that, we parted ways. I don't know who North entrusted with delivering my letter, but he said he could trust that person, so I gave up. It wasn't until the evening after class that I called North right away.

 

"What's the result?"

[Well... he accepts it.]

 

"Is that all?"

[He smiled, accepted, but said nothing.]

"OH."

 

[Don't give up yet. I said we have to be consistent. Others have to lose to those who do it regularly. Just believe.]

 

"I know. That's enough for now."

[All right.]

 

We might have forgotten something fundamental: how many people regularly give gifts to Phi Fah? But that's okay. I'm sure no one loves Phi Fah as much as I do. At least that's my belief. I still send him snacks and letters, but not every day. North said even Cupid doesn't have much time to play love broker. I don't even know who North gave my letter to, but maybe they were annoyed. Dao also advised me not to send it every day, so I send it every other day.

 

"It's been a month," Ter said, his brow furrowed in concern. We met again to discuss this matter. This time Foam joined in. "Is there no progress?"

 

"Ah," North shook his head gently. "Cupid said Phi Fah agreed and just smiled. That's all."

 

"You're reading this," Foam said, sounding a little annoyed. "Didn't Phi Fah's friends tell his girlfriend about this?

 

"His girlfriend?"

 

“Nothing, nothing,” North and Ter replied, shaking their heads in unison.

 

"How many letters did the cat write?

And what did you write?

 

"Usually, it's just a way of saying: have a nice day, enjoy your meal," I replied, then shrugged. I know it's too simplistic. But what can I do? This is me. The answer is yes if you ask me what I want to do for the person I love.

 

"Is this normal?" asked Foam.

 

"I'm just a normal person. There couldn't be anything more special."

 

"Okay," North said. "Things like this happen every day and stick with us for a long time," he continued, with a big smile that made the others smile too.

 

"Keep it up."

 

“Keep it up?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

 

"Lya, it's normal. Be yourself and do it, Phoon."

 

"Um. Thanks. North."

 

There were a few days when I saw Phi Fah looking tired, so I left him more snacks than usual or coffee. I wrote a passionate letter and gave it to him. Feelings only make sense when they're shared, right? At least I shared everything with him. At least Phi Fah ate the snacks I gave him. He's reading my little letter. It may not mean anything to Phi Fah, but my heart has reached him.

 

"A life like this might not be so bad after all."

"You seem to have resigned yourself to the situation," North said, raising his eyebrows, ready to take the bag of snacks from my hand. "Are you okay with your secret love?"

 

"Not bad, although sometimes I'd like to talk. But if it's just like this, it's over," I replied, shrugging and giving him a small smile. North smiled back, too.

 

"You don't look sad. I think that's a good thing."

 

"Lya, at least I delivered it."

 

"Good. If you feel comfortable, that's enough."

 

"Ah, yes."

 

I watched North walk away from the store entrance. If you count the days, it's been two months since I started. It feels like a habit. The days of having to get up early to buy things and wait to meet North to deliver something are over. Dao began to worry that his plan wasn't working. But I told him it was fine. There was no better plan than this. This was the best.

 

[Telephone.]

"What? You're giving me goosebumps."

 

[Phoon, do you have free time?]

"What's wrong, North?"

 

[If you speak too politely, you look like a weirdo.]

"North, what's wrong?"

 

[I am here.]

"Why did you come?"

 

[Come down. I'm under your supervision.]

"Oh, I'm studying."

 

[Wait a minute. I have to get back to my department right now, or Phi Johan will find out.]

 

"Well."

 

I asked the professor if I could use the bathroom, then I went downstairs and met North behind the faculty. Even though I didn't know why he'd come, I went downstairs to meet him.

 

“What’s wrong?” I asked North, who was sitting waiting.

 

“Ah,” she handed me the bag.

 

"What is this?"

 

"Open it and see for yourself."

 

I accepted the envelope and opened it. Inside was a carton of chocolate milk and a tuna sandwich. Also inside the envelope was a small piece of paper. The writing on the paper read:

 

This chocolate milk and sandwich are delicious.

Please eat it all :)"