South; Beside the Sky. 

Chapter 8. Promise

 

"You woke up very early." I turned to the voice's owner. Phi Fah had just woken up and left the bedroom. He seemed surprised to see me, who had woken up earlier and was making coffee on the kitchen table.

 

"Good morning," I smiled. "Would you like a coffee? I'd like to use the coffee maker first," I said, pointing to the machine that had just turned on. I don't make coffee often because I don't need it, but it's nice to do it every now and then in the morning.

 

"Good morning," Phi Fah smiled. Before sitting down on the couch, "Sure, please, make this for me."

 

"Yes." I nodded and turned to make another cup of coffee. I looked at the clock and saw it was around 6:30. Even though it was a holiday, Phi Fah woke up very early.

 

"Is it normal to wake up this early?"

 

"Yes. Did you get up too early today?"

 

"A little." I hadn't slept since I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep after a dream like that. I spent most of the night and into the morning trying to figure out how I could have had a dream like that again.

 

"You look cheerful."

 

Really?" Unintentionally, I frowned slightly at that person's comment. Even though he turned his back on me, it seems like he was tricked. Or was Phi Fah just too good at people-watching? "Maybe because of a good dream."

 

"Hmm. Good."

 

I approached with the freshly brewed coffee and placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Before sitting on the sofa, I sipped my coffee.

 

"What did you dream? Can you tell Phi?" Phi Fah asked again. He picked up the cup of coffee I'd just left and drank it. "Um. You're good at making coffee."

 

"Thank you," he smiled and accepted. "Perhaps I'm cheerful, as Phi Fah said. It seems to me that today is brighter than all the days before.

 

"Maybe I can't tell you."

 

"Too bad. Phi wants to know."

 

"All I can say is it was a beautiful dream," I said, turning to look at the person sitting next to me, before looking away when he turned away. He seemed to smile slightly when he saw me peeking in. Phi Fah seemed cheerful today, too. He seems a little different than usual. "Did you find any information about the dorm?"

 

"Oh. I found it," I said. I took out my phone and opened it to take a look. I found a lot of information about the dorm that caught my attention.

 

"Here it is," Phi Fah said, showing it to the person. Phi Fah took my phone and looked at it slowly.

 

"So, do you want to go see it today?"

 

"Don't you have to go to your friend's birthday party?"

 

"I'll leave tonight."

 

"So, can I bother you for a bit?" Phi Fah seemed to nod slightly. When he'd finished his coffee, he put it in the sink. Before excusing himself to take a shower, I sat down and waited on the couch. How much information have I learned about dreams? We dream about what's in our subconscious because we think about it too much.

 

For example, I kept blaming myself because Fan's car had been hit, and I was obsessed with it. This often made me dream about that story, including the one about my parents. But if we feel comfortable and don't think too much about anything, we rarely have nightmares. So, if I want to dream about Fan, I have to feel comfortable and not think too much, even though I tried in the past but failed. I feel comfortable because I'm with Phi Fah. Yes, after living with Phi Fah, I rarely had nightmares. If I did, it was when I was afraid Phi Fah would find out the truth. But when the situation got like that, whether he knew the truth or not.

 

Anyway, I had to leave him because I had no other choice. I took out my phone and looked at it when I heard the ringtone. It was Uncle Kong calling. What's wrong? Why is he calling so early in the morning?

 

"YES."

[Sorry to call so early. Uncle is just worried.]

 

"Ah. What's wrong?"

 

[Did I hear Ritman say you had a fight?]

"Ah. Yes, I was a little angry yesterday."

 

[Okay, you're okay, right?]

"Yes, good. How is my father?"

 

[He was angry, but I reminded him of what I always told him.]

"What are you saying?"

 

[It's always the same old story that you should pay attention to. After all, Phoon is his son.]

 

"Don't worry, uncle. Besides, nothing will get better."

[Phoon, I hope you're well. Oh, I transferred the money for you.]

 

"Thank you, uncle."

[This month, money will be a little less. Ritman said there are a lot of expenses. That's all for now.]

 

Then my uncle hung up the phone. My uncle said my father had a lot of expenses, probably because of my father's daughter. A child needs a lot of money, and I don't mind helping my father save. After all, we have to make sacrifices for your little sister, right? Even though we've never met, she's my little sister. Just looking at her photo makes me want to love her.

 

After a while, Phi Fah came out of the bathroom. We went out, stopped for lunch, and found the hostel I'd seen online earlier.

 

"Can you ride a motorcycle?" asked Phi Fah.

 

"Um, no."

 

"Um, but it's a bit far from here."

 

"Yes, I don't know how to ride a motorcycle."

 

"Really?" Phi Fah turned to look at me, unable to believe what I'd just said. It made the man grimace.

 

"Well, not really. But I'm not very good. Even Fan wouldn't let me go, saying it was dangerous and she was afraid I'd get lost again," I thought, remembering the past. Fan was so worried she wouldn't let me ride. Besides the risk of having an accident, she also emphasised the risk of getting lost and not being able to get home.

 

"Would it be okay if I took you to learn to drive?"

 

"Are you learning to drive?"

 

"Yes, even if you don't ride a motorcycle, you should know how to ride one."

 

“I understand,” I nodded.

 

"So what about the problem of getting lost? We need to solve that problem."

 

"I was a little surprised to hear the other party's tone, which became serious.

 

"Although this has been happening since childhood, it can be overcome. If it continues like this, daily life will be difficult. If Phoon gets lost now, maybe Fan will look for you, but not like before."

 

"I see." I smiled dryly at the person. I felt empty inside, but I couldn't express it. Phi Fah took me to see the bedroom I was looking for. We had to pass through about three places to get there. I found a room I liked. Although the room wasn't very big, it was spacious enough for me to stay alone. Otherwise, everything was fine. Then I decided to move into this room.

 

"Can you move in today?" Phi Fah turned to ask the aunt who owned the bedroom, who came over and sent her to see the room.

 

"Yes, pay the deposit first and then you can move in."

 

"Do you want?" Phi Fah turned to ask me again. I nodded and replied:

 

"Okay. So, can we go sign the lease for the room?"

 

"Sure, let's go to the office."

 

After signing the lease for the room, my aunt told me I needed to pay the deposit first. But after thinking about it, I realised my father hadn't transferred the money. The money he'd just transferred wasn't enough to cover the cost of the new room.

"Six thousand."

 

"Uh." I was speechless for a moment. What was I supposed to do? Tell my aunt I wanted to pay another day.

 

"This."

 

I turned around, surprised, and saw the person who had just given my aunt six thousand baht in cash. Why had Phi Fah paid the deposit for me?

 

"Your father gave me this money."

 

"Is it true?"

 

"Yes," Phi Fah said, giving me a small smile. This stopped me from asking further. It was so strange. Why had my father given him money? It was strange.

Dad allowed me to change rooms, even though he said there were a lot of expenses during this time. Dad had already paid a huge deposit for the old room, not to mention the fact that we hadn't checked in yet. Do I have to pay again for the new room or...? Involuntarily, I frowned and looked at the person sitting next to me with a worried expression.

 

"What's wrong?" Phi Fah asked, raising his eyebrows. I shook my head slightly, not daring to say anything.

 

Why... If Dad didn't let us change rooms in the first place, why did he tell Phi Fah to tell me to change rooms? So why did he have to do it? Was he worried? And now he's giving him six thousand baht to pay for my room? What... why is Dad so kind? No, he's too kind. But maybe he's not. First of all, I have to ask my dad.

 

"There's still plenty of time. Is it okay to move the stuff today?"

 

"Today?" I asked, raising a surprised eyebrow.

 

"YES."

"All right."

 

Then Phi Fah contacted a moving company to move his things from the old room to the new one. It all happened very quickly because I didn't have many things. There were a lot of things, but I threw them all away. It took over an hour to move everything here.

 

"Oh... you don't have to help me. I'll take care of it myself." I quickly told him to stop when I saw Phi Fah helping me get the things out of the cardboard box.

 

"Okay. There's not much left and it'll be gone soon."

 

"But now Phi Fah has to go to your friend's birthday party, right?"

 

"Okay, let them wait a bit."

 

"Ah, thank you."

 

"You have a lot of cameras," Phi Fah said. When I looked at the cameras he had collected, there were quite a few of them. The cameras had been collected over the years.

 

"There should be a dedicated closet for the cameras."

 

"I've thought about it. But I haven't bought it yet."

 

"Let's buy some, okay?"

 

“Yes,” I said.

 

His kindness is so frightening. No matter where I go, he'll bring me back. I turned around to pack my bags, so I didn't know what Phi Fah was doing.

 

"I still think the same way."

 

"Yes, what is it?"

 

"I think it would be a better fit for you to study photography."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I don't want to interfere with your decision. I just thought about it, it's that simple." I turned to Phi Fah, who was setting up the camera equipment for me.

 

"You're not interfering," I said softly. Phi Fah was right. I would have preferred to study photography, but it would have been better if I had taught myself. Now I have to do something else first.

"Hi Fah."

 

"Yes."

 

"I want... I want to try the medical exam again."

 

"Oh, seriously?"

 

"Yes, Phi Fah, can you help me tutor?"

 

"Yes of course."

 

"So please help me."

 

"Yes." Phi Fah nodded slightly. Teaching wasn't unusual for him. Phi Fah had tutored many others. But for me, it had to be perfect, especially with Phi Fah helping me. I'd also be able to talk to him often because I wouldn't be able to live with him anymore after the move.

 

"So, I'll go first."

 

"Yes, be careful on the road."

 

"We will see each other."

 

I stood up and watched Phi Fah leave my new room. I wanted to tell him to text me when he arrived and not to come back if he'd had too much to drink, but maybe I couldn't. I went back to my room and continued unpacking. This room isn't bad. It looks better than my old one, but I still can't get used to it, so I'll have to move. Oh... Yes, I have to call Dad. I hesitated for a long time before I could do that. I hoped I wouldn't disturb him.

 

"Are you busy, Dad?"

[I'm not busy, how are you?]

 

"I'd like to apologise for yelling."

[Um, okay.]

 

"I changed rooms"

(...)

 

"Did Dad send money to Phi Fah?"

[Yes, I gave it to him myself. I was afraid to give it to you, because you would lose the money.]

 

"Ah. Yes, thank you."

[Anything else?]

 

"There are none."

 

Then Dad hung up the phone. It was a typical conversation between us. There were no questions like "Have you eaten?" or "How are you today?" There were only work-related matters. Dad often spoke in a cold voice and hung up right away. After all, he was a father. Damn, how could I think that in my heart? Anyway, I'm glad my dad let me move. I accepted the money even though he was in serious financial trouble. I don't know how. But I'm happy. Thank you for continuing to worry about me.

 

"Yes, uncle."

[TonFah, I already told Phoon]

 

"Ah, did he ask you?"

[Yes, why do you have to do this?]

 

"Uncle, don't let Phoon know I did this."

 

[Oh, I told you he doesn't need to move. But if you want him to move, he will. You can tell me how much it will cost.]

 

"Well."

[If you feel upset, tell me.]

 

"No problem."

[Um, then I'll hang up right away.]

 

Typhoon: Please let me know when you arrive.

 

Concerned, I decided to send a message to inquire about Phi Fah, who had been missing for about fifteen minutes. It had been almost half an hour since my message, even though it was marked as read.

 

Tonfah: I've arrived.

Tonfah: What's wrong?

Typhoon: none

Typhoon: Is it that far away?

Tonfah: No, but there was a traffic jam.

Tonfah: Why?

Tonfah: What's wrong?

Typhoon: Oh, nothing.

Typhoon: I'm just asking.

 

Phi Fah's response made me feel like I couldn't answer properly, like I wanted to speak; it felt strange. Then Phi Fah asked me twice what had happened. Nothing. I just wanted to check if he was still there.

 

Tonfah: Is the room comfortable?

TyPhoon: Yes, why?

Tonfah: I thought something was wrong because you sent me a message.

Tonfah: I worried too much.

Tonfah: "Sending stickers."

 

I smiled secretly, seeing the sticker's face looking relieved, cute, very cute.

 

Typhoon: Send stickers.

Tonfah: The stickers are cute, haha.

Tonfah: I will meet my friend soon.

Typhoon: Have fun.

Tonfah: "Sending stickers."

 

I smiled broadly and looked back at my phone. That was all I needed. I swept the room, which still had a few items cluttered. Before rushing to tidy up, remember to tidy up my desk. I took out Fan's photos and pasted them up as before. After finishing unpacking, I went out onto the balcony.

 

This time I could see the sky from a new angle. Let's talk about today's sky. Even though I didn't pay much attention to it, it was still obvious. Since I'd been busy watching Phi Fah all day, I lay down on the bed because there was nothing to do. I was also tired from all the activity today, so I fell asleep without realising it. I looked at the photo of Fan in front of me. My heart was pounding; my legs were so stiff I could barely move.

 

Like last time, I stopped at the marble table in front of the house, looked down, and saw him in a new suit. Thorfan was sitting across from me. On the table were some pebbles used for playing checkers. I bit my lip hard, feeling something in my chest. I saw that person's sweet smile. Those eyes were full of light. I remembered everything! I had done it, and this time I also felt the loneliness and pain, and the memories seemed to come true.

 

"Come here, sit here."

 

I approached slowly. I sat down in front of her like before. I felt different because I didn't want to cry in front of Fan anymore. I tried to smile at her, I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to let her know how happy I was to see her.

 

"Do you want to play?"

 

"YES."

 

"Phoon goes first."

 

"It's better to have paper, rock, or scissors."

 

"Phoon left first, that's why Fan is weak."

 

"If you lose, you will be unhappy."

 

"Don't get angry, just move the game." Fan's words prompted me to reach out and move the stone pieces. Just like when we were little, we played together, because in the centre of the marble table is a two-tone board.

 

We use them to represent planks, stones of various shapes to represent pieces, and sometimes just a leaf. There was no conversation between us. I was surprised I didn't want to speak. What happened now? We both stepped forward and walked in silence. I looked up and saw Thorfan smiling the whole time. Those bright brown eyes didn't have the same sadness as the last time we'd met.

 

"This plan didn't work."

 

"But Fan always beats me."

"I said I'm weak."

 

"Are you weak or are your abilities weak?" I said, bringing a smile to the other's lips.

 

"You're good at talking." Fan laughed a little at my words before moving his hands into scissors again. I quickly moved my hands to turn them into stone and ate someone else's scissors. And then I won.

 

“Do you want to play again?” I asked.

 

"No, that's enough." Fan shook his head slightly and gave a small smile.

 

"How did it go today? You haven't written a letter yet."

 

"Um... I'll write it. I have to write it anyway." I reached out and grabbed it. A small hand reached out to me. We held each other tightly. I lowered my head and the small hand gently stroked my scalp.

 

"I'm so glad you read it."

 

"Some copies are completely illegible. They're all stained."

 

"Some days I feel a little sick." I thought, remembering some of the letters

I wrote when I wasn't well.

 

"But that's a thing of the past."

 

"Yes, I'll take care of it." "Thanks for coming."

 

"Smile."

 

I raised my head, and tears welled up in my eyes. Seeing Fan, who was looking at me with sad eyes, his warm hands tried to dry my tears.

 

"But from now on, I don't know how to proceed," I said.

 

"But you have to get over it."

 

"I don't know if I can resist." I tried to control myself so I wouldn't cry again in front of Fan. I bit my lip hard to keep the feeling at bay.

 

"If I were you, could you survive?"

 

"I want it all to be over. I mustn't resist. I mustn't try."

"I want to follow you and live with Fan forever."

"No, live for me."

 

"YES."

 

"Did you know? Ever since I found out I had a younger brother, Phoon has been the person I love most." The soft voice spoke softly, and a warm hand slowly reached out. Tears streamed down my face again. Gently caressing my face with that hand, "Can you do this for the person who loves you most?"

 

"Fan."

 

"Ever since I was little, I've tried to take care of Phoon as best I could. Don't hurt the person Fan loves. Take care of yourself, eat as much rice as you did when you were with me."

 

"Um, um."

 

"Eat only delicious food, like the one Fan usually gives Phoon. Enjoy going to nice places, like when Fan dreams of taking Phoon on vacation. Tell yourself that you love yourself, just like Fan tells you he loves you."

 

"Hiking. Hiking. Fans."

 

"Someday it will get better. Until then, Fan will watch over Phoon." Tears streamed down her white cheeks. Her sweet face was covered with tears, but some remained. She smiled as usual.

 

Phoon isn't just a lump of dust that no one can see; Phoon is part of Fan. Phoon is a source of happiness. Do you know how happy Fan was when he named us after him?

 

"Don't cry."

 

"Fan..."

 

"This is a dream. Hey, don't cry."

 

"Hey, crybaby, don't cry."

 

"I'm not a crybaby," I said before quickly wiping away my tears. "See, I don't cry anymore."

 

"Exactly, exactly like that."

 

"Fan."

 

"Mmm."

 

"Phoon doesn't have much time left to spend with Phi Fah," I said worriedly. My furrowed brows inadvertently tightened my face. "If we were to separate, what should I do?"

 

"It's difficult, isn't it?"

 

"Yes, it's hard to say goodbye to the people we most want to see again."

 

"If Phoon backs down and leaves, Phi Fah will be angry."

 

"Ah, yes."

 

This made me think that what Phi Fah hated most was being ignored. No matter how loudly you yell or how harsh your words are, Phi Fah won't get angry. But if you ignore him, everything will change. Fan and I once pretended to ignore Phi Fah when we were little, not even for an hour. The result was that Phi Fah got angry and refused to talk to us for days. And Phi Fah hates unreasonable things. If I suddenly walked away from Phi Fah for no reason, I can't imagine how angry he'd be, but how would I know? How could I survive if he were angry with me?

 

"Fah will understand. Trust Fan."

 

"But it takes time."

 

"For how long?"

 

"I don't know." Those comforting words helped me feel a little better. At least I hope Phi Fah understands. And one day, my dad will finally understand "Dad."

 

"Is Dad bad?"

"Um. Could you love Phoon a little?"

 

"He loves you, even like this."

 

I held Fan's hand with both hands, lowered my head and rested my forehead on my other hand.

 

"Even though. That's how it is."

 

"No problem."

 

*This isn't our place. There must be a place that is our place. Is it somewhere in this world?

 

"One day Phoon will find it."

 

"It is true?"

 

"You don't believe it? Has Fan ever lied?"

 

"May."

 

"Yes. So trust me."

 

"Fan, thank you."

 

I woke up in the middle of the night. It wasn't a nightmare. It was the most beautiful dream ever. Maybe because it wasn't my usual bedtime, which woke me up even though I hadn't turned off the light yet. I looked at the clock; it was already 10:00 PM. This dream made me feel better. As I said before, I don't know if it was a dream come true. Or maybe I just imagined it. But it was beautiful, truly beautiful. It was everything I've ever wanted: words of comfort from those I miss. Can I have a dream like this every night? Please. I want to have a dream like this forever.

 

I went downstairs to grab something to eat at the 7-Eleven down the street. After taking a shower, I thought I'd read a book, since I'd just woken up and felt fresh, even though it was late and I hadn't forgotten to write a letter to Fan first. I thought to myself: It's already 10 PM, and Phi Fah is back already? When I tried to open the chat, it was empty. The last message we talked about...

 

I told myself it was already at the top and that I'd gone back, but when I tried to open the chat, it was empty. The last message we'd talked about was the one we'd just sent. Should I ask? I don't quite understand some parts, and he agreed to teach me.

 

Typhoon: Phi Fah, are you back?

 

It took nearly fifteen minutes for the message to be read.

 

Tonfah: Not yet.

Tonfah: But maybe I'll come back soon.

Tonfah: What's wrong?

 

Oh. Yes, asking if there was anything else wasn't a problem. He had to ask, right?

 

Typhoon: After reading the book, I realised that there are parts that I don't fully understand.

Tonfah: Ah, what theme?

Typhoon: Mathematics.

Tonfah: Content or questions?

Typhoon: The question confuses me.

Typhoon: I can't do it.

Tonfah: Can you take some pictures?

Typhoon: "Send photo."

Tonfah: Wait a minute.

 

After waiting less than five minutes, Phi Fah answered.

 

Tonfah: "Send a photo."

 

Tonfah: This is a simple method. If you still don't understand, you can ask. This is an image of how to solve a problem I can't seem to figure out. I wrote the method on tissue paper because I was in a restaurant without paper. Also, Phi Fah's approach is short and easy to understand. Is there a shortcut like this?

 

Typhoon: Thank you.

Typhoon: Very smart.

Tonfah: Okay.

Tonfah: If you need anything else, you can ask me.

Typhoon: So, how did the birthday party go?

Tonfah: So-so

Tonfah: Bere in generale.

Typhoon: Do the birthday boys like this gift?

Tonfah: He said he liked it.

Typhoon: Good.

Typhoon: I don't know if he would wear it.

The message appeared to have been read. But Phi Fah didn't respond for almost five minutes before sending the photo.

 

Tonfah: "Send a photo."

Tonfah: Good.

 

Phi Fah sent me a photo of a man wearing the sweater I'd chosen, turning to smile at the camera. It was amazing. This man would look good in anything. He was more than just handsome. Plus, he was also very handsome. I can't describe how attractive he was.

 

Typhoon: Very good.

Tonfah: Then I'll start.

Typhoon: Yes.

Typhoon: If Phi Fah comes back, can you let me know?

Tonfah: Okay.

 

I waited almost half an hour before Phi Fah texted me to say he was back. It's unusual for someone new to this stuff. But Phi Fah called me and told me he'd be my tutor. My heart skipped a beat when I heard Phi Fah's insults.

 

"Yes, yes."

[Is there anything else you'd like to ask?]]

 

"Mathematics, trigonometry."

 

[You're going to have another medical exam, right? It's a little difficult because trigonometry is complex and there are many questions. Can I teach you again?]

 

"Ah. Okay. Phoon didn't quite understand.

[What was it like studying math in school?]

 

"Um... I don't understand."

[You didn't understand the previous question, did you?]

 

"YES."

[Then let's study together again. What time are you free, Phoon?]

 

"I'm almost always free."

[Let's study together until the exam approaches. I'll help you.]

 

"Ah, good. Thanks."

[Learn every day. Don't give up.]

 

"I'm not giving up."

[Don't suddenly say you don't want private lessons anymore. You can't do that.]

 

"I won't do it."

[So, let's make a contract stating that you'll continue taking private lessons with Phi Fah until the exam. Phoon, are you still there?]

 

"Ah. Yes."

[Can we promise that?]

 

"Yes, I promise."

 

I promise you. I'll stay with you, even if only until the test.