South; Beside the Sky. 

What did he say?

Love?

Make him fall in love?

How adorable! Taking responsibility for your feelings?

Ah, uh, come?

 

"Phoon."

 

"Phoon."

 

"YES!"

 

"Are you okay?" Phi Fah asked with a worried expression. As soon as I regained consciousness, my heart began to beat faster. It beat faster, faster, and so intensely that it felt like it was about to explode. It was so loud I could feel it myself, and I hoped Phi Fah wouldn't feel it. Heat spread to my chest and face, and I knew my face and ears must be completely red. I feel like I've exploded and died once.

 

Phi Fah's words, his deep, gentle voice, echoed in my mind like someone listening to a recording over and over again. Even though I was losing control inside, I had to try not to show it. I couldn't let anyone see how happy, nervous, embarrassed, and hot I felt. All those emotions raged inside me. I tried to control my breathing so it wouldn't seem too heavy or noticeable, but it was difficult because my heart was pounding so hard I had to breathe to keep up.

 

My hands began to shake, and I gripped them tightly. Feeling so embarrassed I wanted to cry, so ashamed, my heart felt like it was about to stop, proved to be real.

 

“Phoon,” Phi Fah’s voice sounded a little softer.

 

"Yes, Phi Fah! I'm fine, Phoon. Um." I was so nervous, I didn't know what to do. I thought I could control myself, but I did something stupid. My actions only confused Phi Fah even more. Of course, he had said he loved the person in the letter. Phi Fah didn't know it was me, Phoon. Why was I so nervous? I shouldn't have been anxious!

 

“Ah. I’d like to order some chocolate,” I said quickly, grabbing the menu and using it to cover my face. Not natural at all, Phoon! There's nothing natural about that action!

 

"Oh, okay," Phi Fah said, turning to the waiter to order. The waiter arrived.

 

"An iced chocolate, please."

"Well."

 

After the waiter left, I put down the menu and tried to calm down. Was what I'd done suspicious? The answer was yes, one hundred per cent. And, most importantly, it was Phi Fah! Damn, Phoon! I wanted to hide under the table right then!

 

Are you sure you're okay? Phi Fah raised an eyebrow. I still didn't dare look him in the eye, but I had no choice in the situation. And sure enough, with just a moment of eye contact, those piercing eyes made me freeze before the previous words came back to me.

 

It made me fall deeply in love.

Love.

 

I'm not dreaming, am I?

 

"You look like you're blushing."

 

"Huh? Me?"

 

"Yes, it seems pretty obvious. Or maybe it's just me?"

 

"Oh." I was speechless. Once again, Phi Fah gave me a sly look, but maybe it was just my imagination. "Oh, I feel myself blushing for that person."

 

"Blushing for someone else? Is that possible?"

Sir. A smile like that can kill. Has anyone ever told you that?

 

"Yes, I blush for him. If he were here, he would blush so much."

 

"Do you think it will be like that?"

 

“Yes,” I replied confidently.

 

"But I don't think so," Phi Fah said.

 

"Why not?"

 

"I don't know. Maybe it's because we've never met, I can't imagine," he said, looking at me. The waiter brought chocolate, which meant he was so full he couldn't eat any more. Does anyone else ask for more chocolate just to hide their embarrassment, like me?

“I’m sure you can guess. On your level, Phi Fah,” I replied with a slightly sarcastic tone as I sipped my drink.

 

"Why do you think I could guess that?"

 

"It's just a guess." I smiled.

 

"So, can you help me guess?"

 

"Guess what?"

 

"Help me guess what it tastes like," he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, making me uncomfortable. I wanted to refuse, but it was difficult. Why should I help Phi Fah guess what I looked like?

 

Phi Fah, can you tell me about it from the beginning? To seem natural, I pretended to ask for information first. Then Phi Fah started telling me about it the first time I sent him a letter. It was incredible. He remembered the details perfectly, even the dates. I had to write them down, too. But how can I help Phi Fah? I guess.

 

"Well, I don't know. I'm not good at this kind of thing." I answered evasively because I didn't know what to say. "Are you investigating, Phi Fah?"

 

"No," she shook her head slowly. "As I said, I'll accept whatever makes him feel comfortable."

 

"Oh. Do you know anything else?"

 

"I think he's a sophomore."

 

"OH."

 

"He likes photography and trees, and maybe he likes to wake up early. He's probably under 170 cm tall and left-handed. I'm not sure what his speciality is, but since he likes photography, maybe something similar."

"Oh."

 

"This is just my education."

 

I wanted to ask him how he knew, but I thought it best not to. After all, he was Phi Fah, but he'd guessed everything correctly. Could anyone guess everything correctly?

“Wow, you have a lot of information,” I commented.

 

"Mmm, not really. There's still a lot I don't know."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Like, does he like me?"

 

Maybe it was just my imagination, but when I looked into his eyes, I felt insecure. But I quickly shook off my strange thoughts. What did he mean by "he really likes me?"

 

"Well. If he doesn't like you, why did he send you a letter?"

 

"That's not necessarily true. I don't know him. He could have sent letters to several people." Impossible. Who else would he have sent a letter to if not Phi Fah?

 

"I don't believe it."

 

"How can you be so sure?"

 

“I was just guessing,” I said, frowning slightly.

 

"I don't think he has anyone else."

 

“Hmm,” his deep tone made me feel strange.

 

"Do you think he only likes Phi Fah?"

 

"Yes." I remained silent and lowered my head.

 

"And you think he'll only love me?" I slowly looked up, my heart beating faster again, and my face flushed.

 

"What do you think?"

The repetition of the question, accompanied by a slight smile and sparkling eyes, made me understand that he wanted an answer, so I decided to give it to him. Both as the person writing the letter and as Phoon. Since we are the same person, I have only one answer.

 

"Yes. He only loves Phi Fah. Phoon is sure of it."

 

I smiled broadly at those words before raising a hand to lightly cover my mouth. I'd never felt anything like this before. Has my heart ever pounded so hard? As far as I can remember, it's never felt like this with anyone.

 

"Yes. He only loves Phi Fah. Phoon is sure of it."

 

What adorable confidence. The boy sitting in front of me had his head down, but I could still see his cheeks flushed all the way to his ears. I was sure he was embarrassed, but I didn't understand why I couldn't stop teasing him. He's so adorable. Can't he stop being so sweet in front of others?

 

As I'd known from the start, but he didn't know I knew. The idea of ​​teasing him suddenly occurred to me. The more I saw his nervousness, the harder it was to hold back my smile. I wanted to keep looking at him that way for a long time, whether it was when he was nervously ordering his hot chocolate despite being full, or now, with his head down, probably to avoid looking me in the eye. And the last question I asked him was, "Why do you want to hear these words?"

 

My words of love. That made him understand. And those words of love. I heard them for the first time. Maybe it's not a direct declaration of love, but we both understand what it means. Because he understands my feelings too. And I don't want to be away from him anymore. While it's not a bad thing to continue like this, I can't hug him if we stay like this. So I don't want to be just pen pals anymore.

 

I've never felt such love for someone that I wanted to hug them so tightly. If I could, I would. I didn't understand Jo before, and I didn't understand why he wanted to publicly hug his Nong without a care in the world. I never thought I'd understand him or be like him.

But now I understand that it is difficult to hold back.

 

If anyone heard what I'm thinking right now, they'd probably think it wasn't me. As I said, I've never been like this. Maybe it's because the little one is so adorable that I want to tease him and hug him tightly.

 

And we never spoke again after that. Phoon probably didn't notice because he was thinking about what had happened. But from my point of view... It's so strange. Saying that a person loves only me and then remaining silent with a red face.

 

Isn't that strange? Seeing him try to keep me from noticing only makes him more adorable. What was he thinking now? Was he embarrassed to admit he loved me, or did he think I shouldn't say it so confidently? I just pretended to doubt that the person in the letter loved only me, and Phoon immediately looked at me worriedly, as if afraid I might misunderstand.

 

And I repeated the question a few more times, as if I needed an answer. Phoon answered quickly, without thinking. But that confession of love... I want to hear it again. It's not just that he only loves Phi Fah. I want to hear: "Phoon only loves Phi Fah."

 

"Ter, where are you going? I won't let you go, no!" I shouted, holding Ter tight.

 

"Ouch! My gut! My gut!"

 

"Have!"

 

"Please." North reached out and grabbed Ter's hand, laughing.

 

"Let me go, Phoon, what have I done to you?"

 

“Ter, I’m not letting you go, no.” I kept hugging Ter, which made him suffer even more because I was hugging him while North was pulling on his arm.

 

"Ouch! It hurts so much! North, let me go!"

 

"Hey, I'm trying to help you. Come on!"

 

"Ah! What have I done to you? Let me go!" Ter struggled, his face turning red, then began throwing himself on top of me.

 

"Oh, Ter, don't stab me!"

 

"Listen to him, crazy cat!"

 

"Ah, ah, ah!" When I loosened the hug, Ter tugged on my arm. It felt like we were arguing.

 

"You attacked me? Take this!" Ter tugged on my arm tighter from behind. North burst out laughing. "You picked the wrong opponent! Do you think the animal welfare law will help you? How much is the fine for hurting a cat?"

 

"Oh, oh, I give up, Ter!"

 

"A."

"Due."

 

"Three."

 

"The winner is Easter, the strong young man from Rayong!" North announced. Ter let go of me and raised his hands like a true winner. I sat there panting, having held back my shame and tried to take it out on Ter, but I ended up losing.

 

"A consolation prize for the weakling from Phuket," North said, offering me a sandwich. I took it, still out of breath. "The people of Phuket must be disappointed in you."

 

"I'm so sorry for disappointing you," I said irritably. "You're so mean."

 

"You started it!" Ter replied, munching on a snack. "What's wrong with you, suddenly attacking me?"

 

“Hey, Ter, North, that’s it,” I remembered what I wanted to say and started speaking quickly, but because I was tired, my words were slurred.

 

"Slow down, Typhon, even if you're starting to lose your mind," North approached and massaged my temples. "Ter, get some water; I'll give it to this fighter."

 

"No, no, no!" I stopped him immediately. The last time, North had splashed water on me. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

 

"We were just discussing why you and Phi Fah went out to dinner together," Ter said. It seemed like the medical students were watching us argue. I heard laughter. So we usually sat down and chatted.

 

"What's wrong?" North asked.

 

"Well, oh! I don't know where to begin."

 

"You're so embarrassed you've lost your mind."

 

"How do you know I'm embarrassed?"

 

"You just attacked me, idiot," Ter said, frowning. "My stomach hurts."

 

"Sorry, I got too emotional."

 

"Stop attacking people if you feel embarrassed."

 

"Well, tell us about it."

 

"No, I don't want to."

 

"Hey, you said you wanted to tell me."

 

“I’m not ready yet. Let’s video call,” I said.

 

"Come on, get the book. I want to study. Ter, where's the book? North, hurry up, I want to study basic physics. Come on."

 

"North, our friend has lost his mind."

 

Yes, I agree; the situation is worrying. After graduation, I moved back with Phi Fah. I usually went back to Phi Hill, but this time I went without a plan. Phi Hill left right after Ter got in the car, without waiting for me. And Phi Fah was already in the car, waiting to take me home. On the way home, we talked about trivial things. Still, I felt nervous the whole way. When we arrived at the dorm, we said goodbye, and I watched his car drive away.

 

That evening, I video-called Ter, North, and Dao for over an hour, telling them everything that had happened. As expected, they teased me like crazy. You know Phi Fah likes you, but the person in the letter doesn't.

 

"Yes, so I had to pretend I didn't know and send the letter anyway."

 

Exactly, that's right. Anyway, this relationship has already made a lot of progress. Phi Fah used the word "love," you know? North's voice came through the speaker clearly. I rolled over on the bed, wrapped in the blanket, not knowing what to do.

 

"YES."

Love, Phoon, love. He just doesn't like you. Dao's voice sounded passionate. I'm glad he suggested the idea of ​​correspondence. Phoon finally succeeded.

 

"I did it. Me?"

 

[Of course. So you'll soon become a couple.]

 

"You! Idiot! What did you say?"

[You're the one who gets violent when he's embarrassed. North laughed at him. Phi Fah is excellent, everything goes without saying.]

 

"YES."

 

[He already loves you. I'm happy for you, Phoon. Desire makes sense when it finally reaches its destination.]

 

"Yes, that's true. I'm glad I sent those letters. If I'd kept them to myself, they would have been just my feelings, and no one would have known about them."

 

After hanging up, I looked at the clock: it was almost 1:00 a.m. I got up, sat down at the table, and looked at Fan's smiling photo. My smile grew even wider.

 

"Fan. I'm so happy today. I thought my life was meaningless without you, Fan, but I finally met friends, learned a lot, and realised that life is the best thing. I thought the rain would never stop, but the sky was so beautiful when it stopped. It was worth the wait. Waiting for the clear sky."

 

As usual, I started writing letters to Fan every day, never missing a single one. Today I told her everything that had happened to me. I bought a new box to store the letters and put it on the shelf next to the one where I kept Phi Fah's letters and the photos he'd taken. I attached them to the string hanging on the wall with paper clips.

 

Whatever happens, photos are still the best place to preserve memories. Some people think writing letters is old-fashioned and that no one does it anymore. However, text messages lack a certain charm. Handwriting allows us to sense others' emotions and remember them in words.

 

We met through pieces of paper. We talked and shared positive emotions. We care about each other, we miss each other, and we wait every day for our feelings to reconnect. We love each other. I usually leave more candy than usual at Phi Fah during the exam. Today I also went to the medical school in the afternoon and went to the Phi Gip cafeteria.

 

"This is for you," Phi Gip said, handing me the paper bag Phi Fah had left me. I smiled and took it, then quickly ran back to the dorm to open it. No candy. Just photos and letters. A Polaroid of a brick-red sky—I couldn't tell if it was morning or afternoon—with a message on the card that read:

 

Can I see you sometime? Because otherwise, I'll go crazy."