South; Beside the Sky. 

"Is that so?"

 

What?

 

"Fah, can you hear me?"

 

"What did you say, Hill?"

 

"Do you want dinner?"

 

"Uh, maybe not."

 

"Why?"

 

"I'd rather not go."

 

"Karena Phoon?"

 

"Um, I won't go. It'll be more convenient for him."

 

"You think too much."

 

"No, that's true. If I leave, Nong definitely won't eat well."

 

"Hmm, speak briefly so you don't get embarrassed."

 

"Do you think he wants to talk to me? He won't even look me in the face."

 

"Fah"

 

"What?"

 

"Okay, I won't ask again."

 

"It does not matter."

 

"Why is it that when you talk about Phoon, you're always like this?"

 

"Hill, I don't want to go, okay,"

 

"Okay, I'll tell them you're busy."

Blue or black, which is better? I got up and looked at the shirts hanging in the closet. I couldn't decide which color to wear. I'm not good at dressing well and I don't have many clothes. I always wear the same colors, without paying much attention to my clothes, but now I'm going to meet Phi Fah. I'm so excited about it. Well, even if it's just dinner with friends. That doesn't mean Phi Fah will notice.

 

A year passed. It's not that Phi Fah never tried to talk to me. He tried to talk, as if he were coming to say hello, but I always hid. Dad found out that my friend's boyfriend was friends with Phi Fah. He called me and scolded me for being so close. Sure, I wasn't close at all, but Dad was still angry. He didn't trust me at all.

Dad said I was a liar. Maybe he was afraid I'd tell Phi Fah he wasn't a good person, like people said. He wasn't the leader. Of the family, the figure he'd created in society. That was just a facade. He's just afraid of the truth. But this is the truth, even if I can't say it.

 

After changing, I sat down. Ter and Phi Hill came to get me. While I was sitting in my room waiting, my phone suddenly started ringing. At first, I thought it was Ter calling to let me know they were coming. But on the screen was the name of the person I didn't want to talk to.

 

Dad. It's not okay if Dad calls. I tried to take a deep breath and calm down before pressing the answer button.

 

"YES."

[You need to change universities.]

 

"Eh! What? Why all of a sudden?"

 

[I decided to do this because you failed the medical exam. You no longer need to be there.]

 

"How... how is this possible? Didn't Dad say you'd let me stay here if Phoon hadn't bothered Phi Fah?" My eyebrows began to furrow unconsciously and my heart raced.

 

[How do I know you're not bothering him?]

"Dad... Phoon didn't bother Phi Fah at all."

 

"Your friend is also TonFah's friend's boyfriend. How can I trust him?"

"Father, what else do you want to take from me? Do you want Phoon to live in pain and die?"

 

[Are you starting to learn to argue now?]

"No no."

 

[I will transfer you to another university.]

"Dad, no, please."

 

[Go and submit your resignation.]

 

"So, where will I go? Even now, I have no home to return to. I still have to live in the dormitory," I said, my chest tightening. "Or will you find me a new dormitory first? Which university do you want me to take the exam at? If I fail the exam again, I'll have to study for another year."

 

[It just is!!]

 

"You didn't plan this, did you? You just wanted me to get out of Phi Fah quickly."

 

"Anyway, I haven't told anyone. I would have told them a long time ago if I'd wanted to. There's no point in keeping me away from Phi Fah like this."

 

"No matter what happens, I'm not leaving here. I have friends now, too."

[Promise not to say anything?]

 

"YES."

[All right.]

 

Then Dad hung up, annoyed. As I thought, Dad hadn't planned anything. He just wanted me to get away from Phi Fah quickly. Subconsciously, I let out a deep sigh of exhaustion. I felt more and more tired. I didn't like talking like that. My friend said it's good to appear stronger, at least I dare say something. This comes from the North. He's the kind of person who, if he has something to say, says it right away. He doesn't know. I need something to say, but if I say it right away, I don't hold back on things that aren't worth keeping to myself. He speaks honestly. If he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. It makes me feel like living life is easier than I ever thought. Seeing the world as it is. Everything has its ups and downs.

 

I have good and bad things. North said everyone is the same. No one will always experience only good things. And no one will always experience only bad things.

Ter is like the sun. To me, Ter is a cheerful and friendly person who always tries to help others. I am deeply understanding of everyone. I am sensitive but strong.

 

Someone knocked on the door of the room. I went over to check and saw that it was Ter waiting for me, so I quickly opened the door.

 

"I called you, why didn't you answer?"

 

"Really? Sorry, I didn't hear."

 

“Are you okay?” Ter asked, frowning as he turned to look at me.

 

"I'm fine, why?"

 

"You look like you're about to cry."

 

“Really? I’m not crying,” I said before raising my hand to wipe my eyes and realizing there were a few tears.

 

"Are you ready? Let's go eat."

 

"Um, I'm ready." I left the room and closed the door, following Ter down the stairs.

 

"Have..."

 

"Mmm."

 

"I failed the exam."

 

"Medical visit?"

 

"Yeah, it didn't work out. I just had a little argument with my dad."

 

"Do you want a hug?"

 

"No, I'm ashamed to be seen by others."

 

"Why are you so shy? Kitten, come here and hug me. Believe it or not, if you hug me, you'll feel better."

"Very funny."

 

"North still likes to hug me."

 

"It's all a mess."

 

"Mother cat?"

 

"Can I hold your hand first?"

 

"I am ashamed."

 

"Phi Hill would kill me," I said, shaking my head slightly. I was the kind of person who cared about the people around me. Sometimes, that made me think too much, but it could be an advantage. I reached out and took Ter's hand as we descended the stairs.

 

"North told me."

 

"Sometimes you don't have to feel alone. We'll always be there for you and we're not going anywhere."

 

"Thank you. I'm glad to have you here."

 

"Oh, I'm so touched. Don't cry," Ter said jokingly before offering me his hand. Ter gently stroked my head, very touching. But I couldn't cry because I was embarrassed.

 

"Thank you."

 

"If you cry, I'll bother you."

 

"I wasn't kidding when I cried," I said, trying to hold back tears, then laughed in his face. "What happened to this 'cat' thing? Why haven't you left yet?"

 

"Cat,"

 

"Enough,"

 

"Miao,"

 

"HI."

I don't know when they started calling me a cat. Maybe it started because I often felt sleepy while studying and couldn't sleep well. Yes, I look like a cat. But I still don't like being called a cat. I let go of Ter's hand when we got to the ground floor. I saw Phi Hill waiting in the car. I didn't forget to raise my hand as a sign of respect. Phi Hill and Phi Johan seemed unapproachable, but when they were with my friends, I found them friendlier than I thought. Except for Phi Jo, who seemed stern when North wasn't around. Phi Arthit and Phi Fah rarely spoke. We didn't speak at all. We got in and sat in the backseat, and then the luxury car drove off.

 

"I miss the old days."

 

"What?" I asked, frowning in confusion at Ter's words.

 

“It used to be North sitting where you are now,” Ter said, “now you’re sitting there, and he’s in Phi Johan’s car.”

 

"Oh," I nodded as if I understood. They were Ter's roommates. They often go everywhere together. I love it when they're roommates. We used to hang out in their room, but now they've both moved out with their boyfriends. We even stopped for a moment to pick up Foam. The car quickly stopped in front of the store. The store is quite spacious. The view is beautiful and worth seeing.

 

My heart beats faster when I think about seeing the doctor. I don't know why. I haven't seen Phi Fah in a few months because it's a semester break. How is he doing now? I don't see any updates on Instagram or Facebook. Where are you going or what are you doing? I took a deep breath to calm myself.

 

When I approached the table, I found a lot of people there. Phi Arthit, Phi Johan, and North were there. They were already waiting. Three of North's friends were there. The only names I recognized were Duan Nao, Chai, and Skate, whom I didn't know very well. But I didn't see Phi Fah.

 

"Easy," he greeted Phi Johan and Phi Hill. He smiled and waved to Ter, me, and Foam.

 

"I'm fast."

 

"Where is Fah?" asked Phi Johan.

 

“Busy,” Phi Hill replied before sitting down next to Phi Johan.

 

"What is he busy with?"

"Stay away from you."

 

"I was just kidding, Hill."

 

"I don't know, he's busy."

 

"Okay, okay," Phi Johan said nonchalantly. I sat next to Ter, who had to sit on the edge because I was left-handed. So as not to block anyone's passage. If we were to arrange the seating, then on the other side: Phi Arthit, Phi Hill, Phi Johan, North, Skate. And on my side: Ter, Foam, Duan Nao, Chai.

 

"North, why are you sitting so far away from me?" asked Ter.

 

"Do you miss me?"

 

"No, better to stay away."

 

“Okay, don’t come crying,” North shouted so those sitting farthest away could hear:

 

"Where did North go? I miss him."

 

"Shut up, North."

 

"Phoon, why haven't you slept since last semester?"

 

"Who hasn't slept for a semester up North?" I said, shaking my head slightly in exasperation. They always told me to go to bed. Then we started ordering more food.

 

"Um, did you invite Dao?" North asked after we sat down to eat. We chatted for a while.

 

“I invited him,” Ter said, “but Dao can’t come.”

 

"Oh, why?"

 

"He's working, he said the deadline is near."

 

"Freelance?" I turned to ask my friend, who was good at drawing. Our drawing club was a group of freelancers who took on various types of work. We'd sit and chat endlessly. It was chaotic but fun.

I also talked to North's friends; they have similar personalities, especially Duan Nao, who's nice. Phi Johan seems close to his friends. They like to chat. I sat across from Phi Arthit. But we didn't speak.

 

"Hey, Dao's calling," Ter said, surprised. He picked up the phone, picked it up, and pressed the answer button.

 

"What's going on?" Ter held up the camera to show us. Dao was on a video call.

 

"What are you doing?" Dao, wearing glasses, held a pillow in his lap as if he were working.

 

“I’m eating, but why didn’t you come?” Ter said, and then I turned to face the camera too.

 

"Meow." Dao is the one who calls me cat the most because he likes cats.

 

"Long time no see."

 

“Are you working?” I asked as I chewed my food.

 

"Yes, I'm bored. I don't know what to do."

 

"What are you doing this time?"

 

"Book cover."

 

"Drawing?"

 

"Yes, the instructions are very detailed. I must complete them myself," Dao said seriously. "You look like you're having fun."

 

"Yes, there are a lot of people here," Ter said, pointing at the camera. North waved at the camera as well.

 

"Who is that?"

 

"Hmm, where?"

 

"The person sitting in front of the cat."

 

"Who? Oh, Phi Arthit, why?" Ter raised a questioning eyebrow. "Phi Hill and Phi Johan's friend."

 

"No, that's the woman behind him."

 

"What?"

 

"The woman behind that person."

 

"Wait a minute." Ter and I immediately stopped smiling. We looked at Dao and said, "There's no one there."

 

"I'm kidding. Why are you all pale?" Dao said, laughing out loud. It made me and Ter look annoyed. Why does Dao always tease me like this? He puts on a serious expression that always fools me. But Dao is good at predicting the future. North said he's very accurate. North is a firm believer, unlike me, who isn't interested in such things.

 

After talking to Dao, we chatted for a while, but there was still no sign of Phi Fah.

Phi Fah isn't coming? Phi Hill said he was busy. Or maybe it was because I came. Phi Fah didn't want to come. I let out a small sigh unconsciously. Maybe it's for the best; this meeting could be awkward. And besides, if Phi Fah didn't see me, it was okay too.

 

"Oh, didn't you say you were busy?" Phi Johan's voice made me look up and see Phi Fah. My heart seemed to beat fast when I saw the familiar face. It beat faster when I saw the person I was waiting for approaching. Why was my heart beating so fast? Maybe because we hadn't seen each other for a long time? No, but because it was Phi Fah, my heart was beating fast.

 

"Well, it looks like I have some free time," Phi Fah replied to Phi Johan, before coming in and stopping in front of me. I immediately ducked my head, unconsciously.

 

"What's better than having free time?" asked Phi Arthit.

 

"Thit, move a bit."

 

"Sit over there, there's still plenty of room."

 

"I'm left-handed, it's uncomfortable."

 

"Are you left-handed?"

 

"But I can use my right hand," said Phi Fah. "Thit, please move."

 

"What's wrong with you?" Phi Arthit asked, annoyed, before leaving. Phi Fah sat down across from me.

 

I slowly looked up as the voice of the person sitting across from me began to fade. Phi Fah looked at me, placing a hand on his chin and giving me a small smile. It was a smile that made me happy.

 

It's been almost a year since I last saw him this close. Does that mean he just said hello? Phi Fah has never said hello in front of my friends. Why?

 

"Long time no see."

 

What should I do? I unconsciously bit my lip, lowering my gaze. My heart began to beat faster, so fast I felt scared. But I remained silent, not daring to say anything. What should I do? If I don't answer, I'll look bad.

 

"HI."

 

I answered in a low voice, so low I couldn't hear him. I didn't even notice the expression on the face of the person in front of me. I could hear the others talking, but the man next to me remained silent. I think he was becoming suspicious. Maybe the others didn't even know that Phi Fah and I knew each other, but why had he suddenly greeted me like that?

 

"Do you want shrimp?" Ter asked, and I turned to look at him. He knows I like shrimp. I eat shrimp all the time, or maybe he saw I was feeling too uncomfortable, so he spoke to me.

 

"Oh, uh, sure."

 

“Okay,” Ter stood up and reached for the shrimp, but North was faster and stopped him.

 

"Don't touch my shrimp."

 

“North, you idiot,” Ter retorted.

 

“I ordered it myself,” North replied, shielding his plate.

 

"Come on, share some," Ter begged. "I've never been mad at you before."

 

"You hurt my heart, idiot. You never shared chocolate with me."

 

"So you stole it, huh? You were always stealing chocolate from my fridge, North, when we lived together," Ter said irritably, making me laugh out loud.

 

"I don't want to be with you anymore."

 

"Does it have to cost that much just for a few thousand chocolates?"

 

"Chocolate is the most precious treasure in my life."

 

"You chose. So we broke up."

 

“Oh, if I didn’t have you, you’d be lost,” Ter replied.

 

“I’ll tell everyone you broke up with me,” North said jokingly.

 

"Yes, I'll make the decisions for you. Wherever you go, just go."

 

"You're so annoying. You left me like this, even though I like you," North said sulkily.

 

"But you stole my chocolate."

 

"Hill, you heard right. If you steal the chocolate, you'll be out too," said Phi Johan, causing the entire table, including Hill, to laugh even louder than before.

 

"Can't I have a little piece?" Phi Hill said jokingly, causing Ter to immediately burst into tears. I laughed even harder. North burst into laughter, too. I turned to look at Phi Fah, smiling secretly. The mood had improved greatly. Thank you, Ter. Then, a large plate of shrimp was placed in front of me. I took a piece and began peeling it. As I was busy peeling it, a peeled shrimp was suddenly placed on my plate.

 

"Thank you," I said softly, looking at the person in front of me. The person who had peeled the shrimp was Phi Fah. Phi Fah didn't respond. He simply picked up another shrimp, peeled it, and gave it to me. I finished peeling it and placed it on Phi Fah's plate. He looked a little confused before finally smiling.

 

"Thank you."

Unconsciously, I smiled when I heard it. After that, we didn't speak anymore; we just peeled each other's shrimp, helped each other with food, and refilled our glasses of water. I didn't know what this gesture meant to both of us. But it reassured me without having to say anything. Whatever had happened, if Phi Fah had been there, I would have felt better. But the promise I'd made to Dad made me feel even more ashamed. Dad thought I was a liar, and if I broke my promise, I would truly be a liar.

 

At first, I thought Phi Fah would talk to me more than that. But since I can't hide my embarrassment, I'm not good at it. However, Phi Fah was the first to greet me. This probably meant Phi Fah wasn't angry anymore, or at least less so. Well, then I'd like to thank you for taking the time to greet me first. I have a story to tell.

 

"North."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I failed the medical exam."

 

What I said silenced the entire table. Ter seemed surprised that I'd suddenly said it, because I couldn't tell Phi Fah. I really wanted to tell him that way.

 

"Oh. Oh, really?" North looked a little confused before frowning and speaking. His face looked sad,

 

"Hey, everything's okay."

 

"Excuse me."

 

I apologized, continuing to watch North. But I really wanted to apologize to Phi Fah. I wanted to apologize for not being able to do so, despite Phi Fah trying to help me. I'm sorry for disappointing you and wasting your time.

 

"Why are you apologizing?"

 

"I just wanted to apologize."

 

"Ahhh."

 

"You, perhaps, feel disappointed."

 

"No, what's wrong with you, Phoon?"

 

North. Sorry, you must be confused. Both North and Foam offered me words of comfort. That made me feel a little better, before the whole table moved on to other topics. I lowered my head and continued eating. At least I said that, hoping Phi Fah would understand.

 

Suddenly, someone placed a piece of paper next to my hand. It read: Everything's okay. I looked at the piece of paper and at the person in front of me, its owner. Phi Fah gave me a friendly smile, making me uncomfortable. I pressed my lips together to contain my emotions.

 

Thank you.

A thousand thanks.

 

The party ended rather late. I followed Ter to the parking lot. I saw the doctors busy with their business. I didn't know how they'd divide up who would go with whom.

But they told us to wait outside.

 

"Let's go first. See you." Duan Nao waved. We waved back. I didn't speak much to North's friends. But I noticed they were all kind and friendly. Until only North, Ter, and Foam remained.

 

"Phoon," Ter said softly, my name. I know what he means.

 

"What is it?"

 

"Oh..."

 

"I'm ready."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I think I'm ready to say it," I said, clutching the small piece of paper Phi Fah had just written on. The others turned to look at me seriously. "Can you hear me, please?"

 

“Sure, I’d love to know,” Foam replied, which earned him a slap on the head.

 

“How about tomorrow? We’ll pick you up,” North suggested.

 

“I'm not free tomorrow,” Foam said.

 

"Where are you going?" asked Ter.

 

"I'm going to go sort out some things so you can tell me about them later. Fine, but don't let me miss any news."

 

"Smile," I nodded. "So, you guys are coming to see me tomorrow, right?"

 

"Yes, let's go, sir."

 

"All right."

 

After waiting a while, the doctors left the restaurant. My heart was still pounding. So I avoided looking at Phi Fah before we parted ways and got into the car. I got in and sat in Phi Hill's car. I secretly turned to look at Phi Fah, who was standing. He also seemed to be looking in my direction. The luxury car drove away until I could no longer see Phi Fah. Then I turned and sat in my usual position.

 

When Phi Hill finished dropping Foam off and was about to take me back to the dorm, I took out the folded piece of paper and looked at it again. It was just a simple piece of paper with Phi Fah's handwriting, just the word "Alright," which looked like a normal word. But very special. When the car stopped in front of the dorm, I said goodbye to Ter and Phi Hill before driving off.

 

"Phoon," Phi Hill's voice shouted, making me stop for a moment. I turned and saw the person sitting in the car.

 

"What is it?"

 

"Don't forget to thank Fah."

 

"Why?"

 

"Ah. I forgot I shouldn't have told you that."

 

"It's nothing, forget it."