Plan B to U

Chapter 12 Track Seventeen

 

On the way in, I'd made a big show of saying who on earth stays until closing time. Cut to the way home… Tums out: us. Obviously.

 

By the time we'd settled the bill, the BTS skytrain had resumed service. The station was fairly empty at this hour, so we got seats on the train even if we did smell thoroughly of alcohol.

 

"Watch where you're walking, or you'll headbutt a drain."

 

Once we got off at the terminal station, we still had to walk a short stretch to the bicycle parking. In a fit of generosity, I'd volunteered to chauffeur him home, but first I had to survive the immediate situation.

 

"I can't headbutt anything; I'm completely fine."

 

I said this while doing my absolute best to walk in a straight line. Which wasn't going brilliantly, given the amount of drink I'd put away; my vision was still soft at the edges, and my brain was processing at half speed, which had gone ahead and affected my entire body.

 

"Prove it then. Walk straight."

 

"Don't dare me."

 

"Already did."

 

"You need to stand at the finish line first."

 

Of course I took the dare, and Krich actually played along, walking ahead until he was several body lengths away, then turning and beckoning.

 

I started walking, eyes locked straight on him, not wavering once. Feet moving forward like a little kid whose parent is waiting at the finish line. One step, two steps... keep going.

 

As the distance closed, his face came into sharper focus. Lips pulled into a small smile, eyes curved at the corners, the clean line of his nose and an expression so warm it sent my heart lurching around. I wasn't sure what to call this feeling. It wasn't time to figure it out. I just held on to it. Hold it close, before it fades away.

 

"See, I walked straight. Pretty good, right?"

 

I made it to him safely without faceplanting on the footpath first.

 

"Very good. Just took a little longer than it should have."

 

Krich made me feel like a kid again, happy over tiny things, in an era when laughter and smiles were genuinely hard to come by, and life had a way of piling too many things on at once.

 

And yes, that was approximately one second of happiness before disaster struck.

 

"What the. Where is it?"

 

The haze in my head cleared instantly at the sight of nothing but space at the bike rack.

 

"What's gone missing?"

 

"The bike! Your bike is gone!"

 

I distinctly remembered cycling here before heading to the studio. Locked it properly too. And now there was absolutely nothing.

 

Full panic. I'd borrowed someone else's bike and managed to lose it. I couldn't stay still, running around in circles until I nearly tripped over my own feet. No luck finding it anywhere.

 

"I think we've been robbed. They even left the lock behind to really twist the knife."

 

Krich didn't just say it; he pointed to the lock and chain the very considerate thief had left behind as a parting gift.

 

I crumpled to the ground, sitting in a heap of despair, making pathetic noises.

 

"Ughhh~ I'm so sorry. I'll replace it quickly, I promise. I'm so sorry for not taking better care of it."

 

"Don't cry. You've already cried enough tonight."

 

Was that supposed to be comforting?

 

Back at the Japanese restaurant, some wave of feeling had hit me so hard I'd completely lost it and cried openly. I never told him what it was about, just deflected it with something about how alcohol always made the tears come.

 

"Should we file a police report? Maybe check the cameras."

 

"Do it when you have time. But right now you need to go rest; you've been burning through yourself for days."

 

"You're the one who's been burning through me."

 

"Okay, okay, I don't want to argue anymore."

 

Krich conceded without a fight and picked up his phone to pull up an app.

 

"Hold on, I'm calling a car. Your body's going to give out if you walk any further."

 

By the time we got home, it was nearly eight in the morning. I set an alarm for ten. Instead of showering to wake myself up properly, I did the opposite; I couldn't even be bothered climbing the stairs to the bedroom. I collapsed face-first on the sofa and passed out.

 

In my mind, I kept seeing a face. The person who'd made me cry that hard and then laugh again over something so small. The person who was everything, the good and the bad both.

 

Time flew in the blink of an eye; my beloved motorbike was back from the shop, good as new. Honestly, it had been done for a week. But I'd chosen not to ride it to work, left it parked at home, and kept that fact to myself.

 

Willingly putting up with the hassle of grabbing a mototaxi to the skytrain station, willingly taking the long route, all just to spend a little more time with someone. Even if it was only forty-five minutes.

 

I climbed the station stairs, and there was the tall familiar figure already waiting. Today he had on a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up and dark jeans put together so effortlessly that people passing by did double takes. One hand was tucked in his pocket, the other held his phone, eyes fixed on the screen. He only looked up when I arrived, greeting me with a smile that nearly made my heart stall out on the spot.

 

"You could just take a taxi, old man. Why wait around for me?"

 

I didn't understand my own decisions any more than I understood his. There were a hundred easier ways for both of us to get to work without the extra effort, but we'd both chosen the hard route. And the more often we made this commute together, the more addicted I became to his presence.

 

"BTS fare is cheaper than a taxi."

 

"You're obscenely rich. You're seriously still thinking about that?"

 

"Save where you can."

 

I could barely remember when the pain from before had faded after learning the truth that he wasn't looking to start anything serious with anyone. I'd tried to make peace with it, and gradually got used to the relationship that had no name. The harder part was that we'd barely moved beyond 'coworkers' or "the guy who sold me a haunted house.' Even if I wanted more, I had no right to it. All I could do was keep telling myself what I had was already more than enough.

 

The station on a weekday morning was packed. Krich led me into a carriage, hands on the overhead rail, and he'd always find something for us to do together to pass the time, something beyond just staring at our phones or watching the view outside.

 

Some days he'd talk about a book he'd been reading. Some days he'd share a song he'd just discovered. Some days, it was a film or MV that sold him on an idea or creative concept. I learned everything from him, absorbing his world piece by piece, until now I knew almost everything there was to know about him.

 

Krich wasn't just a talker; he was a good listener too. Whenever he brought up a topic, he'd find a way to ask questions and learn about me in return. It felt like being with a partner. So much like it. But not....

 

"Do you remember the song called 'no title but made for someone who is falling in love‘?" The low voice pulled me back from wherever my head had drifted to. If he was talking about an Offline Youth track, there was no reason I'd have forgotten it.

 

"Of course I do. Track seventeen. That's my favourite."

 

"The final version is done. Want to hear it?"

 

"Yes, let's."

 

Today's commute activity: listening to music.

 

The tall figure fitted one wireless earbud into my ear, the other into his own. Within moments, the melody came: gentle music and a slow, sweet vocal settling into my ears.

 

Station after station passed. People came and went in rotation. In the middle of all that noise, all I could see was him. The whole world narrowed down to just us.

 

When the hook came in, I didn't need the words you were waiting to say; just a single look said everything about the depth of that love. I let myself be honest with the person beside me, in the only way I could manage.

 

"This part is my favourite. No matter how many times I hear it, it gets me the same way. It's the sweetest thing Dral and Sun have ever written."

 

"Can we listen again when it finishes?"

 

"As many times as you want."

 

Sometimes you don't want to rewind time or rush forward. You just want to stay happy inside a small stretch of it drifting along in the tiny moment that belongs entirely to you. And you can say with total certainty that it's yours.

 

"P'Mee, you're looking absolutely stunning. I brought you green tea"

 

Em, my dear friend, was still at it, showing up with relentless consistency, catering to the senior with some new drink offering every time. I'd long since stopped counting how many creative menu options he'd sourced, only to get the same deflating answer back.

 

"Thanks a lot, Em, but I've been cutting out green tea lately."

 

I wanted to laugh but couldn't. I felt deeply sorry for the idiot. Without a word of complaint, Em picked up the green tea and drank it himself as he shuffled over to the desk with his tail between his legs, leaving me to comfort him like always.

 

"There, there. Swing and a miss today; try again tomorrow."

 

"Easy for you to say; things worked out for you." A swipe at me for no reason.

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"You and P'Krich. You've been joined at the hip lately, commuting together and everything. What's going on?"

 

"Mind your business."

 

"You can tell me, you know. Your behaviour's way too obvious. You like him, don't you?"

 

"I don't like him." I quickly denied it; I didn't want him getting the wrong idea, and I was scared he'd dig deeper, so I pivoted straight to asking about the situation with P'Mee instead. 

 

"Always so interested in my business. How are things on your end?"

 

"Same as ever. Losing before I've even started. Preemptive heartbreak."

 

"So what's the plan? The 'persistence conquers all theory is clearly not working here."

 

Some people just feel it does nothing, and the other person still falls for them. Others give everything: money, time, themselves and still get nothing in return. People are sometimes impossible to predict and profoundly tragic.

 

"Still don't know."

 

First time I'd ever seen Em show genuine deflation. Normally, the guy was insufferably optimistic; even when past relationships hadn't worked out, he'd bounce back fast. So how had he managed to get this stuck in shallow water this time?

 

"Why not just ask P'Mee directly?"

 

"I could ask, but I'm scared of the answer. I'm not ready yet."

 

"Oh, Em." I had nothing left to advise, just a resigned sigh and his name said with deep acceptance.

 

"Oh, Nile."

 

And he said my name with the same resigned energy right back.

 

"Fifteen minutes before the meeting, get ready. Where's Nikm, anyway?"

 

"I'll go get him."

 

P'Mee ran through the day's agenda while Em went to track down the last member of our group so he'd make the meeting on time.

 

Luckily Nikm made it in time. When pressed for where he'd disappeared to, it turns out he'd snuck off to collect a secondhand Offline Youth shirt from all the way over in Siam—such dedication, working for the label but having to source merchandise elsewhere. God bless.

 

But that was exactly what this whole thing had taught me: love, in whatever form it takes, can make people equally insane.

 

The meeting room was thick with tension—today's agenda: the album concept presentation. Our presentation went up on the projector, with me, Em, and P'Mee taking turns presenting. Among the ideas, there was one everyone agreed stood out to me; mine took the band's DNA and threaded it into a narrative, pouring my own feelings into each beat before sinking right into it.

 

Most of the band's songs were born of loneliness in its many forms, and the ten tracks selected for this album connected so strongly that, if it were a film, you could trace a clear beginning, middle, and end. So the final agreed concept landed under the title: Offline & (move) on

 

A play on the 'off & on' phrasing common in relationships, telling listeners the story of someone who's been hurt before but isn't afraid to begin again.

 

Track 16: the loneliness of a breakup, the loneliness of loss, and wounds carried within.

 

Track 7: the attempt to move on, finding something new to fill the gap, a song for people falling in love.

 

Track 89: confusion, the ambiguous relationship.

 

Track 10: the love confession that closes the album, love beginning again. 

 

The meeting wrapped early; things had gone well. The producer was in good spirits, the artists happy. As for the label owner, he kept his face neutral and impassive, but I knew him well enough by now: all I needed was the tap of his finger on the table and that glint in his eye to feel completely relieved.

 

Another tough job done. And once again, a feeling of pride in myself after spending so long questioning whether we'd actually pull it off well enough.

 

"Nile." Everyone else had filed out of the room. Just the two of us left.

 

"Is something up?"

 

"Nothing, just wanted to say... you did very well." I knew he'd liked my idea, but I hadn't expected a compliment out of nowhere that made me accidentally smile. 

 

"When you first showed up, I thought you'd only be here for revenge. Didn't expect you actually to put in the work."

 

"I still need to graduate, don't I? And honestly, I really do love it here. It's going to sting when the internship's over."

 

"Come back after it ends whenever you like. And if you're still passionate about it and want to apply for a full-time position, I'd be happy to sign off on it."

 

"That's incredibly generous."

 

"Think it over."

 

"I will."

 

This place held nothing but good memories. Lush greenery, that particular scent of the space, good music, and a team that treated each other like family. And here, there was him. If it were possible, I'd want to stay alongside him longer. Until the day he no longer needed me; then I'd leave.

 

Bring  Bring 

An unknown number ringing through sparked a small curiosity. I'd been managing scam callers well enough lately that I didn't let many slip past; I picked up every call. This one included.

 

"Hello," I answered. The other end came back.

 

"Hello, it's Net. I contacted you before about being interested in viewing the house."

 

"Oh, right."

 

We'd spoken briefly before but hadn't gotten into details. She was looking to buy a place, and my house happened to catch her eye. 

 

"Which day would work for you to let me come have a look?"

 

A few weeks ago, I would have said yes on the spot and rearranged whatever had to be done to get her in as quickly as possible. But not now. Something held me back, a moment's hesitation, and I chose to stay still without committing.

 

"My schedule's pretty packed at the moment, but as soon as I find a day that works, I'll be in touch right away. I'm really sorry about this."

 

She understood but made sure to remind me a second time, afraid I'd forget to follow up.

 

After I hung up, I stood adrift in the middle of the house, eyes scanning the whole space. Every corner held evidence of me living in it; nothing was tidy, some parts were an outright disaster: books never put away, a T-shirt slung over the sofa, a crumpled paper bag sitting in the bay window, unwashed dishes still stacked in the sink. I loved it. I loved this place that had become part of me, to the point where I couldn't bring myself to let it go.

 

"What wind blew you lot in so early?"

 

'Boo's voice cut through the air from across the room. 'Boo's bar at seven PM, not a single customer at any table yet. Not the usual time for normal people to be bar-hopping, but me, Em, and Nikm had gotten a spontaneous early evening drinking urge and descended on the place accordingly.

 

"Things have been going smoothly lately, so we wanted to celebrate before the chaos hits," Nikm muttered.

 

He had the best instincts of any of us. After reading his weekly horoscope online, he'd immediately announced that disaster was definitely incoming, so we'd better enjoy ourselves first before it killed us all.

 

"Smooth, huh? So why's he making that face?" P'Boo was obviously referring to Em.

 

"Oh, this one's having a rough go of it on his own. He's been pursuing someone and getting nothing back, no yes, no no."

 

"Damn, that's a tough case. We're going to need drinks for this one."

 

"Bring it on, P'Boo. Make it strong."

 

The two of them ordered quickly and migrated to the far inner table. I was still deciding what to drink and figured I'd keep it light tonight, since I was going to be the responsible one looking after these two.

 

"What about you, Nile? Didn't bring the handsome boss along?" Out of the frying pan and into the fire: not enough to get roasted by my friends, now P'Boo was piling on too.

 

"Why would he come?"

 

"I mean, that night you two were kis" I lunged and clapped a hand over his mouth before the words could reach Em and Nikm's ears. To this day, they had no idea that anything had happened between Krich and me. 

 

"P'Boo, you really need to learn not to say everything that's in your head."

 

"Fine, fine, I talk too much. Let me go." He shook himself free with some force.

 

"Sorry, sorry."

 

"If you're in love, you don't need to hide it. It's just us."

 

"In love with what? You're imagining things."

 

"Then why are you standing there squirming around?"

 

"Mosquito bite."

 

"I've got mosquito coils. Go light one under the table."

 

I shrugged, ordered something light to start with, and wandered back to join my friends at the table. Tonight's main agenda seemed pointed squarely at the young romantic who was showing all the signs of becoming a lost cause.

 

"What's up with you, moping like a wet dog?" Nikm opened. I stayed out of it. I'd already talked to Em about this once; this time I was just here to listen.

 

"Of course I'm moping. Nothing's clear. I've done absolutely everything to get 'Mee's attention, and there's still not a single sign of a response."

 

"Water dripping on stone every day says what the heck?"

 

"That's not what the saying means!" Em protested as if his life depended on it.

 

"Then what does the stone say?"

 

"The stone says: no more coffee." I was burning to say something but kept it internal.

 

"What if Mee is just happy being single? Nobody's oblivious enough not to know when they're being pursued; she doesn't want to turn you down directly." 

 

The truth from Nikm's mouth landed like a knife to the chest. Not just for Em; even I felt the jab. Something ran in parallel between our situations, at least in the ambiguity.

 

"Maybe it's finally time I just tell her."

 

"Have you gotten past the fear? Can you handle a no?"

 

"Some days I'm like, whatever happens happens. Other days I completely bottle it and decide not to ask." He grabbed fistfuls of his own hair in frustration, mouth running on in complaint. "I actually hate myself so much right now."

 

"You're just going to sit there silently? Say something."

 

All eyes came straight to me.

 

"I'm a good listener."

 

"It's weird, though, the way you've been acting lately is exactly like someone who's falling for someone, but can't get clarity on where the relationship stands." This one had psychic powers. Hit 99.99% accuracy.

 

"Just say whatever you want."

 

Not saying a word no matter what. Silence as a survival strategy, and it seemed to work, because neither of them pushed me further. We just drank, vented, and knocked back the herbal liquor. Though I wasn't sure if P'Boo had changed the formula, because asking for something light and having just one shot still left my head foggy… About a third of my faculties had already left the building.

 

And whenever I get drunk, everyone knows it. The whole world knows it. My mouth has absolutely no filter.

 

"Krich, man..." I finally slipped and said out loud the name that had been running circles in my head all day.

 

"Huh?"

 

So much about him had been building up inside, nearly at bursting point...

 

"He's literally exactly my type."

 

"What??"

 

And then I just blurted everything out. Figured it didn't matter anymore; I'd held it in long enough.

 

"From the very first time I met him, I was just... gone. I bought the house because of him."

 

"Oh, it's getting messy now." Em shifted his chair closer and slapped my shoulder a few times. "Keep going."

 

"I'll admit I liked him a lot, but only at first. Hated him when I found out about the house thing. But as time went on and I got to know him more, my thinking started to shift. He's so kind and vulnerable; sometimes he's quite sensitive. He's like a version of me in another world. Hmm... or maybe I actually genuinely like him now."

 

My audience didn't react with shock or excitement. Just blank faces, one slow blink, and then a single sentence that made me realise what a complete idiot I was.

 

"You're only just figuring this out? Everyone's known for ages."

 

"Damn." All that time spent interrogating my own heart, and the answer was right there all along.

 

"So what possible reason is there for you two not just to get together already?" That was Nikm, pointing a finger before I could dodge. 

 

"And don't say boss and intern; the internship ends in less than a month. That whole dynamic disappears regardless."

 

That was the crux of it. Everyone knows starting a relationship is the hardest part, but harder than that was figuring out how to explain this situation to them.

 

I grabbed my glass of herbal liquor and drank for courage, then began sorting my thoughts. Luckily, neither of them rushed me; they just waited until I was ready.

 

"Krich doesn't actually want anything serious with anyone."

 

"He told you that directly?"

 

"Not directly, but he said it sideways, the same way P'Mee does with you."

 

"If you're going to say that, just stab me." 

 

Em wailed, nearly spitting at me. Lucky I'd braced myself and put on my saddest face fast enough that he had to rub my back and comfort me instead. 

 

"You okay though?"

 

“I'm okay. Honestly, this is actually fine. There's nothing forced about it."

 

Happy to walk the long way just to take the BTS to work with him. Happy to pour everything into a project just to earn his praise. Happy to be wherever he might need me, and I'd go. I'd be anything, as long as I was still wanted.

 

"So what are you two right now? Talking stage, one-night stand, secretly in love?" Nikm weighed in with a rapid-fire list of possibilities, then immediately stopped and backtracked. 

 

"Wait, no, you can't even call it unrequited. He clearly likes you too."

 

"I don't know..."

 

"Even if your mouth says you don't need to know what you two actually are, deep down, you want to know."

 

Hurt but true. For all my big talk, I couldn't deny I was still waiting for some kind of clarity.

 

"It's like you're sitting right inside my head."

 

"Then tell him you like him. Maybe you'd actually change his mind."

 

"I'm not sure at all."

 

"Nile, listen to me, I've been through this so that I can say it." Nikm reached over and gripped both my shoulders, more serious than I'd ever seen him. "It's good for you either way. If he says yes, you get joy. If he says no, you come back and heal yourself. Trust me, you will feel so unbelievably free when you don't have to carry the question around anymore."

 

"You really think so?"

 

"Yeah. Drawing it out is exhausting. You're lucky it's only been a few months; mine was a year. Not exactly wasted time, but pulling away is incredibly hard."

 

Nikm had a fragile side too. I remembered how he'd gone quiet for months. Em and I had to trail after him and practically spoon-feed the guy. Getting him back to the person sitting in front of me now had taken enormous effort. I believed him. And I didn't want to end up where he'd been.

 

After losing my dad, my life had drifted with nothing to hold onto until the last thing he left behind gave me a goal: to buy a house of my own. And in chasing that, I'd ended up meeting someone who had permanently changed my entire world.

 

Krich may have walked in at exactly the moment I needed someone, and I'd gotten used to his presence whether we were at each other's throats or not. Now things were becoming clearer. I liked him past the point of any denial. I liked him enough to pull out every last bit of courage I had.

 

"I've decided I'm going to tell him. Whatever the answer is."

 

"..."

 

"Don't leave me, okay?"

 

"I'm not going anywhere."

 

Both of them came in and held me tight, one rubbing my back, the other doing their best to pat my head reassuringly.

 

Some people are lucky in many ways. I might have had a little less luck than most, but the friendship I'd been given was a gift so precious and so beautiful it would make anyone envious, beyond what anyone could imagine.

 

The hands of my watch had moved past nine PM. I excused myself from my friends even though the night wasn't over yet. The destination: Krich's house, and nowhere else.

 

As soon as my motorbike came to a stop, I pressed the doorbell and breathed in and out slowly, trying to settle myself. It didn't help much with the nerves.

 

A few minutes that felt impossibly long. When the gate finally opened and the tall figure came out, I didn't hesitate. I blurted out what I needed to say right then.

 

"You, there's something I need to tell you. Right now... right this moment."

 

I could barely hold it in. Everything inside me was ready to burst at any moment.

 

"Go easy, you've been drinking, haven't you?" 

 

He looked concerned as he reached out and took hold of my wrist. His fingertips moved slowly back and forth, which helped settle me a little.

 

"I'm still in my right mind."

 

"You rode here on your own?"

 

"I'd sobered up; that's why I came."

 

"Come inside first."

 

"Please just listen to me. It might sound contradictory, but the feelings I've had for you have been both good and bad."

 

I held Krich back, kept him from walking away, all to confess everything I'd been carrying.

 

"You're quiet, but you're kind. When I was hotheaded and angry, you cooled me down. You were generous and never held grudges. You comforted me when there was no one left, and most importantly... you saw my worth. You opened yourself up enough to show me your vulnerable side."

 

I couldn't even imagine how sad tomorrow would be without him because every future I'd ever pictured had Krich in it. He made me grow. Turned a world that had gone grey back into colour. Turned prejudice into respect, and I'd lost completely.

 

I didn't know when this feeling had started forming inside me, building little by little, so slowly I'd barely noticed. By the time I became aware it was there, my feelings had already travelled a long way from where they began.

 

"Everything I've said, it's all to tell you that... I like you."

 

"If you feel the same way — is there any chance we could be together?"

 

Silence settled over us both. I couldn't tell what Krich was thinking. He stayed quiet for far too long, long enough that I couldn't keep myself still, though I didn't dare open my mouth to push for an answer.

 

Out of nowhere, I wanted to cry, but I fought it by blinking rapidly, driving the heat from my eyes. Then his large hand slowly released mine. His gaze settled somewhere still, and finally the low voice I'd been waiting for came.

 

"Thank you for telling me. It means a great deal. But as for what's between us..."

 

"I'm truly sorry."

 

I was turned down.

 

There was no point squeezing out reasons. This was already clear enough. I should even be grateful to him; he'd helped me understand what I needed to do from here. You've been out here a while. Mom and Dad sent me to get you. 

 

Someone's voice broke the moment between us.

I sink in this deep, alone.

I never even got to say understood. Never got to tell him not to feel guilty. It was only me who had let myself

 

“I've taken up enough of your time. I need to head back. I just remembered I have work to do."

 

Had to end this before did anything more embarrassing and get out before Grace walked over. She'd been inside his house all along; from what I'd heard, his parents were there too. A family evening I'd stumbled into at entirely the wrong moment, and made a scene on top of it. But I didn't regret it. Not even a little.

 

The moment I pulled away, I started the motorbike and rode out onto the road with a hollowness I'd never felt before. The cold of the wind hit my face. My eyes looked straight ahead. The familiar route blurred slowly before letting my tears fall quietly, and I made no move to wipe them away.

 

Just let myself fall. Sink. Shatter. The only thing I could do right then, in the moment when no one was watching. Crying my eyes out. 

 

Hoping, in the end... that tears could heal everything.