PAYBACK BOOK 1.

This book comes with a trigger warning: it contains angst, death, drug addiction, rape/non-consensual (not related to the main character), self-sacrifice, starvation, torture, unhealthy relationships, attempted murder, abuse, and corpses.

Chapter 1.

Turn over a new leaf.

...It's a beautiful saying. Leaving past mistakes behind and improving oneself seems like a good thing, I guess. But ideally, it would be better not to change at all. It would have been better to repent from the start. Unfortunately, my situation wasn't that good, because I was a scoundrel, or what people commonly call a thug.

 

I've hung out with bad friends since middle school, and I've run away from home several times. Even though I continued in high school, I was a complete failure and eventually got expelled. Expelled in less than a year, my mother raised my younger brother and me alone without her husband's help. But when I was expelled from school, instead of scolding me, she looked utterly dejected.

 

My mother is probably tired. She might not want to go because just working at the restaurant early in the morning to earn a living is already hectic enough. That's enough. As for me, not going to school made me like a horse that had broken free from the reins, thinking the whole world belonged to me and doing whatever I wanted.

 

I extorted money from people my age, stole money from drunkards to drink heavily every day, and smoked two or three packs of cigarettes a day without anyone stopping me and later started trying drugs that someone gave him because they said they would make him feel euphoric. I got a tattoo to show off how cool I was, and I also rode my motorcycle around hanging out with people like me and getting into fights everywhere.

 

Because I was good at it, I became the gang leader, the ringleader who took them on dangerous motorcycle races late at night. Back then, I thought it was cool. I thought I was the best because everyone bowed down to me, while those who were only focused on studying in school were like pigs in a pen, too afraid even to make eye contact. I was unaware that my brain was gradually malfunctioning, and I was sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss from which there was no escape.

 

One day, when I heard people say they had repented and changed their ways, it made me stop and wonder how wonderful it would be if I could repent and change my ways too. It would be good if, one day, I could look in the mirror and be shocked by my appearance as a blonde-haired thug, bringing me back to my senses. Even though I know it's pointless to feel remorse now, looking back, the guilt weighs heavily on my chest.

 

While others are preoccupied with upcoming exams, I got a job at a loan company. My job is debt collection. Most of the debtors who can't repay are abjectly poor, have nowhere to run, and live very frugally. But all I could see was my bonus money. I used brutal methods, ambushing children and women at night with a knife. I'd do anything to collect the debt. This job made me more money than I had expected, so I'm trapped in my own arrogance. Look how easy it is to make money, and the world still fears me; there's nothing I can't do.

 

I feel sorry for and frustrated with my mother, who's worked in a restaurant for over ten years but is still stuck in a cold, dark, ground-floor rented room. She never uses any of her earnings to support the family because she's too busy spending it on her own pleasures. Every day, I dart around bars and fancy liquor stores, deluding myself into thinking I'm the best person I can be. The only person I'd give money to is Myungshin, my ex-boyfriend. He was expelled from high school, just like me. He's so handsome you'd believe he was a girl. He opened my eyes and made me realise I could sleep with men. The way he was quiet and always followed me around like a puppy awakened my protective instincts. I can satisfy my desires whenever I want without worrying about him getting pregnant. That's how we started. That was over a year ago. I don't know when I started thinking he was my boyfriend, only to realise later that it was all one-sided. No, actually, my life back then was just a case of overestimating my own importance. That's it, and I have nothing more to say about him.

 

Perhaps it was his striking looks that made him want to be a star. So he diligently used the money I gave him to study at various institutions and then went around secretly watching others. Following the agency, I sometimes wondered whether someone as quiet and reserved as he could really act, but I didn't pay much attention because I was busy comforting him after he was swindled out of all his money by fraudulent agencies.

 

Another year passed, and it was early summer. Meanwhile, friends my age were attending university and enjoying their first year, while I continued to make money by blackmailing people, but, strangely, I had bad luck from morning on. Normally, Myungshin would be scammed by agencies and come back crying. Still, that day, he was unusually excited, saying that the agency he'd visited a few days earlier was definitely legitimate... Although I suspected he'd just run into another con artist, seeing his excited face irritated me inexplicably. At that moment, I, still drunk from drinking until late at night, was about to leave for the loan company's office when I saw someone waiting for me there.

 

"elder sibling"

 

I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice and saw my younger brother, whom I'd met on my way home a month ago, standing there in a high school uniform that didn't fit him properly.

 

"What's up?"

 

He should be at school, so why is he here at this time? As I narrowed my eyes and walked closer, the skinny boy spoke curtly.

 

"My mother is sick."

 

"So what?"

 

"..."

"What do you want by looking at me like that?"

 

"...Money. I need money for my mother's medical treatment."

 

He must have been very reluctant to say those words, because he immediately pursed his lips tightly after finishing his business. I pulled out my wallet, openly displaying my frustration, then opened it, grabbed the bag, and counted the money.

 

"How much do you want?"

 

"How much can you give?"

 

The hand reaching into the pocket to grab all the 10,000-won bills suddenly froze, and then asked the question that should have been asked from the start.

 

"What illness does she have?"

 

"...I don't know. She suddenly fell ill. I heard she needs some kind of surgery."

 

This is incredibly annoying. I keep thinking about my mother, who's constantly ill because she never gets a break from working. Before I could react, I picked up a check and a 10,000 won note. Everything that came out of the bag.

 

"Okay."

 

The younger brother took the money and counted it slowly before asking again in a stern voice.

 

"Can I have some more?"

 

"How much are the medical expenses?"

 

"Four million two hundred thousand won"

 

"...What did you say?"

 

How seriously ill is she...? Looking into his younger brother's eyes, who he didn't even know had grown this big, he couldn't bring himself to ask the next question. He was acting like he was asking a stranger for money, and it seemed like he was saying they didn't want anything to do with you.

 

"Can I have some more? I'll return it later."

 

How are you going to pay me back? I swallowed the words I almost blurted out, glancing at my watch.

 

"Come back again this afternoon. I'm going to collect today's payments. I won't get the full amount, but I should be able to get about half." 

 

At that moment, my younger brother nodded once before turning around and walking away. I watched him disappear from sight before realising that the child had been standing there waiting for help, even though he didn't want to, for hours now.

 

I was in a bad mood all day that day. The debtors I had to collect money from that day were a married couple who ran a roadside restaurant in Kangden. They looked to be around forty years old. They are in their mid-to-late twenties, and their son is about two years old. I heard he has some kind of problem with his leg, so they had to borrow money for surgery. The couple raises their son with great care because he's their only child and was born later in life. However, because of this child, they have to spend all their monthly income paying off their debts. Even so, people need money to survive, so they haven't paid the interest for about three months. 

 

This is the fourth time I've visited this couple. I used to extort money from them until they were penniless, but today there will be no leniency whatsoever because I need the money too. So, I'm going to resort to methods I don't usually use.

 

"Gasp! Wh-what are you doing?!"

 

The husband shouted, his face pale, while his wife, standing beside him, collapsed and sobbed.

 

"W-what are you doing?! H-hurry up and put the knife away!"

 

The husband could barely stand his balance like his wife, but being a man, he tried to step forward. However, I ended up yanking the crying child away instead, then held a short, sharp knife to his neck.

 

"Waaah...waaah...!"

 

I held the small, struggling body, which was crying loudly, leaving red marks on the child's skin. Only when the sharp blade was pressed against the child's flesh did the man finally kneel down.

 

"Please, let my child go... I beg you, release the child. I'll give you everything. Take whatever you want..." Hearing his sobs, I sneered and made one request.

 

"Go get the monthly rental agreement and contact the landlord right now to get your security deposit back." The man looked up in shock.

 

"So...where are we going to stay...?"

 

"Waaah...!"

 

I pressed the blade against the delicate skin. Its coldness startled the child, causing him to flinch and try to twist away. The sharp blade lightly cut into his flesh, leaving a small wound as thin as a red thread. The man called the child's name, extending his trembling hand.

 

"I...I surrender! Please, don't do anything to my child!"

 

The husband stumbled over to grab the rental agreement from somewhere. First, I checked the amount on the contract. This family had been behind on their rent for a while. They will only get half of the deposit back. Damn it! But at least I can give this money to my younger brother first. 

 

After listening to the other party speak to the homeowner via speakerphone, I released the child, who had collapsed and fainted, and let him fall to the floor. The child's mother then rushed over, hugged her child, and burst into tears. As I was putting on my shoes and stepping out of the house, about to turn around and open the door to leave, I heard a loud noise from behind me.  Although his wife's cries echoed throughout this cramped, single rented room, I could clearly hear her husband's deep voice. Perhaps it was because I could see him. The rage building in his eyes could also be anger.

 

"...You will be punished by heaven."

 

"Heaven's punishment, huh? If such a thing existed, all the wicked would be dead by now, you idiot!" The wife's sobbing still echoed behind me as I laughed mockingly, slammed the door shut, and walked out.

 

I went to collect money at a few more places before slowly and leisurely heading home. If I could go back in time, I would definitely want to return to that moment, to my past self. All I could think about was giving the money I earned to my younger brother and then going home to spend some time with Shin, because only his body could make me feel good and relieve the pent-up emotions I'd been feeling since morning. While I was thinking about that, I saw my younger brother standing in the same spot I'd seen him earlier that day. He was looking at me with a sullen expression, as if I were a stranger.

 

"Brother, why did you only come now?"

 

He must have been standing there for quite a while to blurt out that question, making me frown as I was about to take money out of my pocket. That insolent kid. He dared to ask why I'd only just arrived, with that expression on his face again. I was starting to get annoyed at having to give him the money. Normally, a hot-headed person like me would have punched him, but I thought it would be better to just give him the money and go home quickly, so I took out the envelope with the money and walked towards him.

 

"I didn't get everything, but take it anyway. I'll go find the rest tomorrow..."

 

I meant to give it to him if I could, but my younger brother's expression was strange. No, he wasn't looking at me, but staring at the back of me with a look of shock. In the split second, I wondered what had happened and was about to turn around when something whizzed past me. After hearing a groan, I realised someone had rushed out.

 

"more…!"

 

Turning around, a clear image appeared before me: my younger brother, his eyes wide, mouth agape, frozen with terror. Someone was holding my brother down while stabbing him in the stomach. When the man turned around, I saw it was the child's father. He glared at me before whispering something filled with rage.

 

"This is heaven's punishment!"

 

I don't remember much of what happened after that. I only recall waking up in the middle of the night and seeing my younger brother's body lying dead in a pool of bright red blood. I don't even remember how I got home. You've probably heard someone say that bad luck doesn't come only once, right? 

 

I returned home, opened the door, and found the room in a mess with belongings scattered everywhere. The ten million won he had reclaimed and needed to take to the office had disappeared. That's when I realised Myungshin had betrayed me. When the landlord found out later, he said he would keep the deposit and told me to pack my things and leave immediately.

 

It would have been good if the bad luck ended there, but I still have my mother, who is the reason my younger brother had to borrow money from me. I was taking care of her medical care for two days after she died. Then I went to see my mother at the hospital, but what awaited me was the doctor's diagnosis that my mother was brain-dead due to the surgery. During that time, I couldn't cope with the sudden onslaught of situations. I didn't know how everything turned out like this, or why the system collapsed. All at once, the doctor asked me a question in a very clear and concise manner, which seemed like the first sentence I'd heard in the past few days.

 

"Your mother is still alive because she's on a ventilator, but she probably won't live much longer. If the family is prepared for this, then you should let your mother pass away peacefully."

 

"Are you telling me to kill my mother?"

 

I'd already lost my younger brother, and now I was going to let my mother die too? Even though I'd lived a dissolute life, seeing my brother dead and my mother dying right before my eyes, I had to compose myself. Even though the doctors said she was in a coma, I firmly insisted on keeping her life alive with that expensive medical equipment. After leaving the hospital, I went to the loan company where I worked to borrow money to help keep my mother alive.

 

"How are you going to return my money?" the chairman asked with a sarcastic smile.

 

"I will work as hard as an ox and earn enough to pay you back."

 

The chairman couldn't help but say it. "Everyone who borrows money says the same thing, but nobody ever pays it back. Will you end up like them? I understand, but I don't have a job for you. No way, because I can't entrust my money to a debtor like you."

 

"I'll definitely find another job and pay you back."

 

"Hmm, everyone says the same thing," the chairman, perhaps finding it amusing, pulled out a large sum of cash from the chef's cupboard.

 

"Do you know what will happen if you can't return it?"

 

"yes"

 

"This is getting interesting. I'll be waiting for the day a kid like you comes kneeling, begging me to spare your life." 

 

I left the president's smug laughter behind and went to pay my mother's medical bills at the hospital. Then I went back to my real home, which I never really did.

 

For a very long time, it had been a room in the basement, shaded from sunlight and smelling musty. Each step into the room felt heavy, like walking against a current. My sibling must have been in a hurry to leave, because he had folded the blanket carelessly, and several pieces of clothing had fallen from the hanger. Although there were signs of someone living here, to me it looked as if time had stopped in this room, and I was an uninvited guest amidst those perfectly preserved images. 

 

Suddenly, my eyes caught sight of a flickering light on the computer screen. As I moved the mouse, I saw the screen, which hadn't been turned off, light up brightly. I frowned and muttered to myself.

 

"That guy... he left without even turning off his computer..."

 

Before I could finish complaining, I suddenly realised, "Oh, that's right, my younger brother is gone."

 

I stood up and slowly scanned the room. Everywhere in the room were traces of my brother and mother's life: the middle school textbooks, too; a supplementary textbook was tucked into the study desk, with a half-cut eraser placed on top; and my younger brother's handwritten schedule lay on the wall. It was drawn in a variety of colored pencils, looking rather beautiful and unlike what a boy would do. Thinking back, I remember the kid saying he was studying hard. 

 

Looking around the desk again, I saw a plastic basket packed with sample cosmetics. My mother's entire life has been filled with only small bottles of free cosmetics, and even then, she used them sparingly, only when she went out. The plastic baskets I've seen since I was a child have cracks in the middle and are so old that it's impossible to tell what colour they originally were. I stood in the middle of the room, staring at one spot for a long time. Everything in the room remained in its place, waiting for its owner to return and use it, as if nothing had happened.

 

It happened. I finally realised my younger brother was dead, and my mother was dying soon. And I, that unlucky guy, was the only survivor.

 

People I once considered friends have all turned their backs on my current situation, but I don't resent them. Actually, it's more accurate to say I don't have the time. That's how I felt, and it was the right way. I still had debts and had to work like an ox, just as I'd promised the president, to earn money to pay them off. So I started working seriously for the first time, delivering newspapers in the early morning, then packing goods at the factory from morning till evening. In the evening, I'd put on a funny costume and hand out flyers on the entertainment district street. I worked like that, sleeping only a little over three hours a day and eating only two meals a day. After that, my mother lived for another three months. The fact that my mother lived like that after the doctor said she probably only had a few weeks left must have been because she missed her children so much that she tried to live a little longer so they wouldn't be alone.

 

The day I used the deposit money for my mother's rent and to pay the final instalment for her medical bills, I was truly broke. So I went out handing out flyers on the entertainment district street. Once, I wore a mascot mask that made it hard to breathe on a summer night while handing out flyers for a new karaoke bar to passersby. Even though I had just scattered my mother's ashes in the river, rest was impossible for me.

 

Something in my head has been motionless since I started working three months ago, and I don't know if that's making me feel even more lethargic. Three months of expensive medical bills were all in the hope of keeping my mother alive, weren't they? But now that she's gone, why don't I feel sad at all? However, that question, which had been swirling in my mind, was quickly overwhelmed by exhaustion. I need to go back to the warehouse I rent to sleep for a couple of hours before heading out early to deliver newspapers.

 

But one day after work, my body, which should have been resting, refused to move. Dressed in my mascot costume, I could only sit absentmindedly at the end of the alley. I was walking down a street in an entertainment district when I noticed something strange, then heard an argument from somewhere. This was a common occurrence in this area, but it was rare to hear the voices of normal people, not drunkards. Even so, it didn't grab my attention until someone's words made me move.

 

"You will be punished by heaven!"

 

As the hoarse voice faded, the sounds of a brawl erupted, followed by thuds, crashes, and clanging noises like objects hitting people and the sound of bottles being thrown. A series of loud bangs rang out. I was very familiar with those sounds. As I turned the corner, I saw four men brutally beating another man. Even though the man was on the defensive, the situation was quite evenly matched. The reason I think that someone who is outnumbered is a skilled fighter isn't that they are being outnumbered.

 

Besides, those guys are only in their twenties, just troublemakers from next door who just went to a nightclub and are acting all tough. If it were me, I could easily handle those kids by myself. But what shocked me was that the man was fighting with only one arm, while the other arm was in a cast, yet he still calmly faced four men with a poker face. I don't know the exact situation, but it seemed the man in the cast ultimately won. If those words hadn't piqued my interest, I wouldn't have paid any attention in the first place. Thinking that, I intended to turn and walk away, but then I saw a thug. He pulled something out first. It was a short knife I was very familiar with. Seeing a man gripping the kind of knife I used to use, my feet moved involuntarily. I only regained my composure after I had already swung my hand out.

 

"Agh!"

Thump!

 

I, too, felt confused and bewildered. The thugs screamed as I twisted their arms, causing their knives to fall. The fight came to a halt, and all eyes turned to me.

 

"Who are you?"

 

One of the thugs asked in a shocked tone. I glanced over before swinging my fist and punching the guy who was still screaming on the opposite side of the table.

 

Crash...

The other guy tumbled to the ground with a loud bang. The other three thugs rushed to their friend's side before glaring at me.

 

"Damn it, are you one of them?"

 

I shook my head without even looking at the person being targeted, but the thug flinched, his face showing disbelief.

 

"Those cowards! Attacking from behind! What a wimp..."

 

So, are four against one considered incredibly skilful?

 

The pathetic thugs yelled before hoisting their fallen friend onto their backs and speeding away. Even four against one, they lost. If I were in their group, it would have been the end of it. I watched them run off before turning around, wanting to get some rest. Just as I was about to take a step, the remaining ones stopped me.

 

"Hey, rabbit!"

 

A bunny? I turned around, puzzled, and then realised I was still in my mascot costume. That's why those thugs looked so stunned. When they saw me, I thought of those who ran away before hearing a weary voice speak.

 

"How are you going to take responsibility?"

 

He held a cigarette in his mouth, seemingly out of nowhere, and added with a weary look in his eyes, "You've made all the people I was planning to have fun with run away."

 

"...."

 

"I'm asking you, Mr Karaoke Shihwaja."

 

He read the name of the karaoke bar printed on the mascot costume in a flat tone. If anyone else had said those words, they would have jumped up and down, but there was a chill in his voice. The sarcastic remark created a tense atmosphere, so I turned to look directly at that person.

 

"So what are we going to do?"

 

"Now you have to make me have fun instead."

 

How old is he? He looks like he's in his late twenties, but those eyes make it hard to guess his age. When I worked at the lending company, I saw the same kind of gaze from the older presidents in the industry, the kind of shrewd, unwavering look that never wavers at anything. So, even though his tone sounded relaxed, I had to be wary. Even though I'm a ruthless person, my work has made me realise there are people even more ruthless in this world, and you shouldn't associate with those who have that kind of gaze. 

 

I lowered my gaze to the other person. He's about the same height as the person I once rushed to defeat. If we had met a year ago, I might have rashly pounced on him and fought to the death. No, now he can only use one arm, so it should be a more even fight. Fighting isn't difficult because it's the only skill my body is familiar with, but today I don't want to. I don't want to fight on a day like this, when I'm feeling so frustrated. He must have been even more frustrated when he saw that I didn't retaliate. He probably assumed I didn't want to fight, so he threw the cigarette he'd just smoked on the ground and smirked.

 

"If you don't like it, I guess I'll have to force you to have fun with it," I said, watching him step closer, blurting out something I didn't even understand myself.

 

"Can you sleep with a man?"

 

He paused for a moment, then, understanding the meaning, a smile flickered across his eyes for the first time, followed by his languid voice reaching my ears.

 

"If I were the one doing it..."

 

I took off only my bottom garment and straddled the man, keeping the mascot head on the whole time. The oversized, Chupa Chups-like head looked comical, though neither the man in the cast nor I found it funny. I couldn't laugh because it was the first time in my life I was on the receiving end, and when I tried to force myself down, I tore that area, leaving my legs trembling. So the man told me to "take it slow," as if he were giving me genuine advice.

 

It was a very strange sexual encounter because after taking off our clothes, he immediately inserted himself without any foreplay, so the only thing was pain. It was painful and bleeding, and I couldn't even get an erection, so I just hoped it would end quickly. Even so, I didn't stop the man from thrusting his hips up from below. I don't know why that part of him was hard, but to prevent me from escaping, he used his free hand to grab my waist and thrust into me. The pain was excruciatingly severe and merciless, lasting for a long time without regard for the bleeding. The pain and exhaustion caused my consciousness to drift, leaving me confused almost constantly.

 

Just as the man ejaculated inside me for the last time, I suddenly realised something. Before, I'd been so busy breathing that I hadn't realised I was crying. I only realised my face was covered in tears and snot when I exhaled hot breath beneath the mascot's head. I placed my hands on the stomach of the man, who had stopped moving to support my upper body, and sobbed like that for a while. Perhaps I craved warmth, but I, deserving of heavenly punishment, couldn't fully receive it. If I had paid the price with the pain of twenty minutes of sex, that would be one thing. Maybe that's why I cried. I continued to cling to that man's body and sob. When I looked up, I met his emotionless gaze.

 

"If you're done crying, take off the mascot head."

 

It was as if some kind of power lay in the casual command in his voice. I could have taken it off just like that, but I still managed to move my hips and get up from him.

The feeling of the deeply embedded shaft being suddenly withdrawn was clear, and the cloudy white fluid the other person had released flowed out. I put my pants back on without paying much attention to them. When the other person saw me about to leave in that state, they propped themselves up and gave me a cryptic look.

 

"Hey, Rabbit, if you want people to like you, be a little more obedient," I heard the slow, deliberate threat as I walked towards him, then asked him, in front of him, as he sat, looking up at me.

 

"Does this world have a concept of divine punishment?"

 

"do not have"

 

I nodded slowly in response to the immediate reply.

 

"Yes, there is no heavenly punishment."

 

The truth is, whether or not someone deserves divine punishment, they continue to live comfortably while committing wicked deeds. Yes, I wasn't punished. No, I'm just receiving the consequences of my own actions. "Heaven's punishment" might be a lavish excuse for me. I'm just trying to blame my sins on a non-existent heaven. I don't need to blame this or that for my bad luck and ending up in this situation. Just then, the other person's weary voice spoke up.

 

"But there's the law of karma."

 

"That's why the world is so interesting."

 

A small dimple appeared at the corner of his mouth as he smiled. I felt the image was both cute and contradictory, especially after I extended my hand. The man clutched his casted arm, took a deep breath, and hunched over. Judging from the hand outside the cast, half of it was swollen and covered in dark red bruises; it looked like he'd only recently gotten injured, and I was twisting his hand like that, which would probably make it take longer to get a cast. Even though I felt guilty for not having more time to have fun with him, I picked up the mascot costume from the ground, draped it over my arm, and pulled out some money from my pants pocket. I took out 20,000 won, my wages for wearing the bunny mascot costume and handing out flyers, and tossed it in front of him before adding...

 

"Compensation for playing together."

 

Sleeping with a man I bought for 20,000 won had consequences I didn't expect. I remember having a hard time for almost a week, and all because of the blood I didn't know had stained my clothes. The rabbit costume that day might have been the blood of a gangster, which led to me being fired from my job the very next day and never having to wear a rabbit costume again. I found a part-time night shift job at a road construction site instead, and then my days became incredibly hectic, working like crazy to earn money all day long. Just enduring each day was already hard enough. Looking back, it's probably the longest time in my life I've gritted my teeth and persevered to get something done.

 

Then four and a half years passed like that. The total debt was 353,277,360 won. I paid it all back. In my twenty-fifth year, with less than twenty million won as my starting capital, when I took my last bit of money to the chairman, he smirked and complimented me, saying that with someone like me, making a living in this profession was easy, while not without adding a sarcastic remark.

 

"If you need money, come again."

 

I was about to leave without answering, but he called out to me as if he had just remembered something.

 

"Oh, did you borrow money from anywhere else besides me?"

 

"No."

 

"Really? It seems like someone's been looking for you lately. The employment agency I recommended when you first started paying off your debt also contacted me. There was an accident. Was anything wrong during that work?"

 

It's been five years since I first started paying off my debt. Back then, was I doing any risky work? The job I got through the chairman's recommendation was just wearing mascot costumes and handing out flyers.

 

"do not have"

 

After a curt reply, he tilted his head and made a "Hmm" sound.

 

"I thought you were in such a hurry to make money that you might have gotten into trouble, so I told them I didn't know you."

 

He stared at me intently, as if expecting thanks. I was finished with my business, so I abruptly turned to leave before he called out to me again in a strangely serious tone.

 

"Hey, don't you want to come work for me again?"

 

"No, thank you."

 

"...You've really changed, haven't you?"

 

After that, I heard someone ask, "Have you had a change of heart?" But I walked away because I didn't have time to pay attention. Time is of the essence in delivering goods. The sheer volume of packages to be delivered today is so much that even if I rushed out right now, I still wouldn't be able to get them all done on time...

 

It feels like I've had a lucky day today. I don't know if it's because I've finally paid off all my debts, but I was able to finish my work faster than usual because there were an unusually large number of packages to receive at once, which shortened the time. And there weren't any locations where I had to carry heavy packages up to the third floor. So I really felt lucky. However, it seems my luck is about to run out because, shortly after finishing work and getting into my car, I received a call from my boss.

 

"Hey, there's been an accident on side xx! Traffic's completely gridlocked. Go help out on that side quickly!" The boss hung up the phone amidst a cacophony of shouts, as if he were coming down to work himself. Side xx... is right in the heart of a densely populated office area. Isn't that right? Time is quite tight on their end because they have to deliver the goods before the office closes for the day. It's already 5:30 PM. I turned the steering wheel, thinking to myself that even if I switched from a pickup truck to a flying aeroplane, we still wouldn't make it in time.

 

The final stop, drenched in sweat, was a towering skyscraper situated in a prime location within a neighbourhood known for its expensive land. One particular company seemed to monopolise the area, leaving only a single sign at the very top. The attendant of our delivery car told us to drive slowly, as people usually stay there until late, and it seemed he was right. It was past seven o'clock in the evening, but a large number of people were still crowded in front of the shop, with many people coming and going. There were also many people delivering packages. What are they doing here? What puzzled me was the group of middle- and high-school girls standing in front of the building.

 

I transferred the packages from the pickup truck to a handcart and pressed the doorbell at the building entrance. The security guard, seeing me from inside the closed glass door, immediately opened it for me. Some of the girls who were standing in a group outside tried to crane their necks to look inside. Screams of surprise, as if they had seen someone inside, continued among the female students, but neither the security guard nor anyone walking in the spacious lobby paid any attention. Not a single person was there, as if it were a common sight. After pushing the shopping cart and receiving a pass from the security guard, I finally found out what kind of company this was.

 

"I wonder if their parents know that their kids are doing this just to see their favourite celebrity once," I heard someone murmur as I glanced at the floor plan on the back wall. The first thing I saw was the company name.

 

DREAM ENTERTAINMENT

Myungshin's words, those of my former lover, resurfaced in my memory. He always said it was the number one entertainment company he wanted to get into... Ah... like that. Oh, so that's the company you were talking about. I don't know why, but when I heard the company name, certain memories came to mind, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Thinking back, I was betrayed by an ex-lover once, but I've forgotten all about it lately. 

 

I slowly pushed my delivery cart into the elevator, glancing at the numbers. Things changed slowly. The two women who had gotten into the elevator together were so flustered that they were talking loudly nonstop until I reached my floor.

 

"Phew, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Apparently, the person who discovered the mistake in our department is Director Yoon. I heard he called everyone over after lunch."

 

"Everyone's going to be ruined. Just hearing about it makes me feel like I'm having indigestion."

 

"How did he know that?"

 

"I don't know, but you know, don't you, that when Director Yoon smiles, it sends shivers down people's spines?"

 

"Of course I know. When Director Yoon appeared at the company two months ago, everyone misunderstood because of that smile. I think there were only one or two people who got fired."

 

They left because they mistakenly believed he was a gentle, polite person, so they acted casually. This time, it looks like they'll all be beheaded again."

 

The woman hunched her shoulders as if she were genuinely frightened.

 

"I thought that because he's still young and worked at an overseas branch before transferring, they would be quite lenient. But he's acting like a ruthless assassin in the Joseon era. He's been reincarnated..."

 

As the "ding" sounded and the package reached my floor, their voices finally faded. I just thought I needed to deliver this package quickly, so I hurriedly pushed the cart past. The elevator doors opened, and because I was wearing a hat, I couldn't see the face of the person who walked past me into the elevator. But I had to turn around to look because of his voice. It was a voice that, even after five years, still sounded familiar.

 

"Hey, hurry up! Why are you so slow, like a snail? Damn it! Don't you know I'm already late for filming?!" I turned around at the sound of an irritated voice and saw a man in his mid-twenties, neatly dressed and moderately muscular, standing with his arms crossed, staring at someone frantically running down the hallway.

 

"Hmph... Is this it?"

 

A man in his mid-forties ran breathlessly, holding a bottle of drink in his hand. He looked like he had just gotten it from a vending machine, as there were still droplets of water clinging to the bottle, but it seems the drink he hastily grabbed is no longer necessary.

 

"No" A cold, curt reply was followed by an expletive.

 

"Hey, you idiot! You don't even know what I like?"

 

The man holding the drink had a bewildered expression, but the other people walking by weren't. Nobody paid any attention to the man's behaviour in the elevator. Being bossy with older people as if it were normal, to the point that they looked at me, who was standing still, as if I were a strange person.

 

"I'll give you five minutes. If you don't drink what I had just now, I'll fire you from this company you worked so hard to get into. Understand?" The man said with a threatening, irritated tone. He glanced at me for a split second before the doors shut. I met his gaze for a fleeting moment before he immediately turned his attention to the person standing beside me. Even after the elevator doors closed with a loud bang, I lingered in that spot for a while.

 

He's Myungshin, the one who ran off with my money five years ago. His appearance might be different, almost like a different person, but it's definitely him. Even so, I feel nothing seeing him. I'm not angry or upset that he doesn't remember me, because there are no feelings left for him. He who betrayed me is just a fragment of the past. At least, that's how it is for me now.

 

"Tutoring fees for my child...Tutoring fees for my child..."

 

I turned towards the faint sound and saw a man holding a bottle of water, muttering as if trying to calm himself. Then he sighed and turned his back. He ran back, while I moved to get back to my own work along with him.

 

I didn't think about that fleeting memory again until after delivering the package and getting into the elevator again. The person who was in the elevator with me. He's a guy who carries arms full of drinks. Maybe he didn't know what Myungshin liked, so he just bought everything from the vending machine.

 

Seeing that picture, a strange, bitter smile appeared on my face. Shin used to rarely talk about his past; there were only a few times he'd let it slip. He would occasionally bring up issues when he was intoxicated, mostly about bullying at school. He confided that the thing he hated most about the bullying was being made to buy drinks every day. He said the vending machine was far from the classroom, so walking back and forth during breaks was quite tiring. Yet, the drinks he tried to get were empty. The benefit was that he had to run back to the vending machine several times because the drinks he got weren't what those people wanted. In the end, he just bought all the drinks they wanted. His allowance was always squandered on drinks. He couldn't adapt to school life because of the bullying, and eventually ran away from home. Later on, it seems he still hasn't gotten over the memory of being bullied. Now that he has power, he's acting just like the ringleader who bullied him in the past.

 

Dub

A bottle of drink fell from the man's arms onto the floor. I bent down, picked up the bottle that had rolled towards me, and offered it to him, but the man hugged the drinks tightly. His arms were so cold he couldn't take the bottle I offered him.

 

"Excuse me, could you please place it on this?"

 

As he bent down slightly to plead with me, another drink bottle fell to the floor with a thud, and he blurted out in exasperation, "Oh, come on!" So I bent down to pick up his drink for the second time.

 

"Let me carry it for you."

 

"Thank you."

 

He bowed his head before giving a weary smile, as if knowing I was the deliveryman who had witnessed the incident earlier.

 

"Well... my hair looks ridiculous, doesn't it? When it comes to making a living, it's unavoidable, because this is the only place that hired me just in the nick of time, on the day my company went bankrupt. Just having a job that allows me to earn a living is a great kindness to me..."

 

Suddenly, he lowered his tone, as if realising he was rambling about himself to someone he had just met.

 

"Oh, I just mentioned this as a precaution, but please don't post online about seeing that picture of Song Yoohan  just now, or anything like that."

 

"Who is Song Yoohan ?"

 

Then his eyes widened, and he exclaimed, "Huh?"

 

"Don't you know Song Yoohan? That bastard who ordered me to buy these...ahem, that actor."

 

So, you've finally become a star, just like you always wanted. You've changed your name, your appearance, and shed your once weak image, the kind that you'd recognise if you didn't pay attention. Not at all.

 

"Although he's not a leading actor, he's very popular right now. He's done a lot of commercials and has appeared on two popular weekly comedy shows back-to-back. "This month too..."

 

I listened without responding because it wasn't something I was interested in. Then, suddenly, the other person's voice softened.

 

"Uh, excuse me."

 

He stopped speaking and began scrutinising my face. Irritated by that gaze, he, without warning, made a strange request.

 

"Could you please try taking off your hat?"

 

"No."

 

When he immediately refused, his eyes widened in astonishment.

 

"No, I'm not asking for anything strange. It's just that your eyes are so beautiful, I just wanted to see your face a little more clearly..."

 

Ding

The moment the elevator bell rang, I realised I hadn't pressed the first floor button I was supposed to go to. I watched the doors slide open as I placed two bottles of drinks on my arms. The man who seemed about to say something.

 

"How old are you? Or are you still a student? I'm not really a weirdo..."

 

"Five minutes"

 

I pointed to the underground parking lot outside the elevator door.

 

"It looks like we're past the time."

 

When I jogged his memory about Myungshin changing his name to Song Yoohan, he flinched and, just as I expected, quickly ran out of the elevator. Meanwhile, he still didn't forget to ask me loudly.

 

"Wait there for a moment! Don't go anywhere, and please wait!"

 

He hurriedly ran off into the parking lot, dangerously close to dropping his drink. Actually, I intended to just press the elevator button to close the doors and go up because I didn't want to talk. I did wonder for a moment why that man looked at me and told me to wait, and it wasn't surprising that Myungshin, whom I hadn't seen in years and who had become KARA, didn't recognise me either.

 

I was just thinking I needed to hurry to the distribution centre to finish my night-shift sorting work, but I couldn't. The fire escape door, a short distance from the elevator, opened before I could walk past. The second time I saw Myungshin, he was talking to a man in his early thirties wearing a suit as they walked towards the parking lot. The direction they were heading was opposite to the direction the man with the drink ran. Interestingly, Myungshin glanced back to check the direction the man with the drink had disappeared before. He started walking, and despite the poles and parked cars blocking his view, he stood in a position where he could probably see the beverage vendor running frantically. However, the vendor suddenly turned around and even let out a sarcastic laugh.

 

Seeing that smile, I unconsciously stepped forward. It was a little curiosity, a small curiosity that wanted to be confirmed. Myungshin has changed completely, like a different person. Because I've never paid attention to anything before, my body moved out of curiosity about someone I haven't seen in a long time. No, I could just ignore this reality and go back upstairs, but if I did, I'd have to return to my daily life as a delivery person immediately. I just stopped to consider how small acts of curiosity could change my life.

 

Squeak, squeak

The creaking sound of the trolley wheels was particularly loud in the basement. I left it by the elevator and walked quietly towards where Myungshin had disappeared. He was hiding somewhere behind a pillar at the far end of the large underground parking lot. I followed the man in a suit slowly and silently. It was just unintentional curiosity. If I had to find a reason, it would probably be because I was slightly startled by Myungshin's fleeting smile. So I wanted to confirm once again whether that guy was really Myungshin. Of course, I already know the answer. But the person I knew in the past might have been an illusion, or perhaps I never really knew his true self at all. If that's the case, then I've been deceived for the past five years, haven't I?

 

"Uh-huh. 'Have you found it yet?'"

 

I heard a sudden loud noise, so I stopped walking and hid behind a tall van. The voice of someone in a suit followed Myungshin's voice, laced with anger. I couldn't stop thinking about that tone of voice.

 

"I don't know the details, I just asked Chief Pat, who is Director Yoon's secretary, a little bit. Even so, she said it was Director Yoon's matter. So she's definitely not going to tell me anything."

 

"But didn't Director Yoon start looking for that person as soon as he arrived in Korea?"

 

"Hmm, well, yes, that's true..."

 

"So, who is he looking for? If I want to land the lead role in that upcoming drama, I definitely need to approach Director Yoon. If things go well, you'll definitely get a share. You know I'm a man of my word."

 

Judging from the lack of a response, it seems the man in the suit understands.

 

"He's probably someone he met about five years ago. I caught a glimpse of a note that Chief Pat had written down; the name was..."

 

"What's the name?"

 

"...."

 

"What is the name?"

 

[Name of the word]

 

A sudden silence fell. For a moment, I couldn't believe my ears and wondered if what I'd heard was really a name. Parents who give their children names like that...

That means the child would have an extremely optimistic outlook on life. While I was lost in thought, I heard Myungshin's voice, sounding disbelieving.

 

"See...hwaja?"

 

"Hmm, Chief Pat is probably frustrated that he couldn't find it. He's making a big fuss about that name and all that. I heard he even has a nickname."

 

"What's his nickname?"

 

"Rabbit"

 

"..."

 

"His name is Jiwaja, but he must be pretty."

 

"Director Yoon has a weakness for the cute style, huh?" As soon as Myungshin mumbled that, the other person immediately retorted.

 

"Maybe not."

 

"Didn't you say he was looking for someone he met only once five years ago? Wasn't it love at first sight or something like that?"

 

"At first I thought so too, but this is Director Yoon."

 

"...."

 

Myungshin seemed to agree through his silence, as if all the reasons were contained in the single word, "Director Yoon."

 

"It would be more accurate to say that he's looking for him to get revenge for something that happened five years ago."

 

"That's right."

 

"Plus, I overheard some staff in the director's secretary's office saying that Director Yoon was smiling when he gave the order, his dimples were showing."

 

"...That's a really formidable opponent."

 

Or perhaps not? So they listened even more intently.

 

“So that's absolutely certain."

 

Speaking with a smile that showed off his dimples—was that his arch-enemy? What a conversation, truly incomprehensible to ordinary people. I wonder if I misheard.

 

"Even so, it's better to be safe than sorry. Try to find out more and report back to me. Who knows, maybe Director Yoon really is looking for his first love...but that's probably impossible."

 

"That person is definitely a formidable enemy. I'll investigate and tell you what I know. You'll be stopping by here again before you leave tonight, right? But is it too late now?"

 

Another man asked in a frantic tone, but Myungshin answered calmly.

 

"Oh, I'm late. But I have to be late so I can fire the manager."

 

"The manager? Oh, that Chairman Choi who came in after the company went bankrupt, right?"

 

"What kind of chairman are you talking about?"

 

When Myungshin made a sound of surprise, the other person asked with a chuckle.

 

"Anyway, he's the president of the company you used to work for, isn't he? Take good care of him."

 

"It's all my fault he got this far. I went through so much hardship while he was in that agency. He couldn't get a single sponsor, and all he did was babble every day that if my acting improved, I'd get roles. If that's the case, then those who land good roles get them solely because of their acting skills, right? Anyway, I knew that idiot was going to end up like this."

 

A very faint sarcastic remark escaped his lips, barely noticeable, how often Myungshin spoke, and how familiar it was. Ultimately, the efforts of the beverage vendor, who was running with arms full of cold drinks, were in vain. I thought there was no need to listen any further. What was I even trying to confirm? I was just so irritated by their conversation that I found it utterly ridiculous. So I turned around, intending to go back to my own life, but the conversation I overheard stopped me in my tracks. A man in a suit was probably the one asking the question.

 

"If we leave late, the manager will probably drive fast, and aren't you afraid of having an accident?" Myungshin replied in a boastful tone, as if bragging.

 

"Scared? I've been held at knifepoint and almost died before. What are you afraid of?" 

 

...Holding a knife to your head? Because of what happened five years ago, which has practically taken over my memory, right? I unconsciously pricked up my ear to listen.

 

"Are you serious?"

 

I heard Myungshin answer the man in the suit's question, but it sounded odd.

 

"Hmm, probably about five years ago, I think. I'll tell you later. I have to go now." 

 

Hearing footsteps mixed with conversation, I quickly hid behind the van.

 

Click click click

The sound of leather shoes echoed through the basement. I felt inexplicably unwell, my ears ringing for a moment. Perhaps what Myungshin said wasn't important at all.

Anything at all, or maybe he was just recounting another experience—that's what I understood in my head. But a lingering resentment loomed inside like a hazy mist.

 

Shortly afterwards, I got out from behind the van and headed towards the elevator. Then I heard a faint sound, like someone shouting in frustration. A commotion came from somewhere, and then someone rushed towards me. The man, whose shirt was soaked with sweat like the drink he'd been carrying, looked at me anxiously before hastily handing me a business card.

 

"I'm sorry, but I have to leave now. Here's my business card. If you're free..."

 

"I'm free tonight."

 

He probably didn't expect me to agree so immediately, so he blinked repeatedly despite the urgency of the situation.

 

"Ah, then I..."

 

"I'll be right here. It's okay, no matter how late it is. When will you be finished?" He asked again, "Really?" before his expression changed instantly upon hearing a loud noise from somewhere. He then nervously mentioned the appointment time before turning and running back the way he came. The old man, with a flushed face and sweat dripping down his cheeks, was probably thinking only about his son's tutoring fees. I stuffed the damp business card into my pocket before waiting for the elevator. At that moment, my only thought was, let me try to confirm what this thing was that was bothering me and making me so upset.

 

After finishing my shift sorting and returning to Cream Entertainment, it was 12:50 AM, just barely making it to my appointment. I entered the lobby, gleaming and sweat-soaked, wearing my old hat and clothes that had been worn from working since dawn. Luckily, the drinks guy must have called ahead, so the security guard only checked me briefly. They gave me their business card and a pass, so I was able to go in.

 

"He told me to wait in meeting room 312."

 

I nodded at the security guard, who sounded rather weary, before getting into the elevator and pressing the button for the fifth floor. The light on the button lit up before the small elevator began to move. At that time, Myungshin took the elevator to the fifth floor, the same floor where I used to send packages. So, even if he comes back, there's a high chance he'll go there again. Luckily, it was late at night, so no one was on the fifth floor. Even if I walked around freely, I probably wouldn't be stopped. 

 

I carefully explored each room. My old, worn-out sneakers were perfect for keeping quiet. Although the hallway lights were off, light still filtered through the doorways, letting me know which rooms were occupied. Then I stopped to listen in on one of the rooms. I thought I could hear a conversation inside, but I couldn't make out the details of what they were saying. I took out the chewing gum I had prepared and put it in my mouth. I turned and walked down the hallway. Soon, I saw the hallway light switch near the elevator. This time, all the lights in the hallway went out, accompanied by a soft tapping sound. I stopped and tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness for a moment before walking on.

 

I stood in front of the room with the lights on, hid the chewing gum I had just been chewing in my left hand, and used my right hand to knock on the door.

 

Knock, knock.

As he turned the doorknob, he felt the voices inside stop before a blinding light streamed out from within. A man in a suit rose from his seat. I was startled, as if we were discussing some kind of secret.

 

"What?"

 

The man in the suit frowned and asked, before Myungshin and the other man's eyes turned to me simultaneously. But the hat I was wearing kept them from looking away. He couldn't see my face clearly.

 

"I'm sorry, it seems I'm in the wrong room."

 

I bowed as respectfully as possible and immediately closed the door. Of course, I didn't forget to discreetly stuff some chewing gum into the doorway before closing it, just in case it sealed the latch. With the chewing gum, the closed door will slowly creak open again. Just a small opening is enough. Just enough to hear the sound. I leaned against the wall next to the door and listened intently to the sounds and light coming from inside. 

 

The conversation between a man in a suit and Myungshin is the setting for a drama being produced this year. It would probably be a hugely successful drama, one that Myungshin is absolutely certain he can rise to the top, simply by getting the lead role. And it seems that this drama is currently in the early planning stages. At this point, they've only managed to appoint a director; they haven't even sought investors yet. But those two believed everyone would be eager to invest in the project. They talked about the play endlessly and boringly, then followed it with gossip about the actors who got the roles. The introduction is here, and the topic has now shifted to Director Yoon, whom we previously mentioned.

 

"Have you investigated the matter concerning Director Yoon yet?"

 

"Oh, that's Shihwaja."

 

When the man in the suit nodded and said the name, Myungshin burst into laughter.

 

"Just the name itself is world-class. It's not like Director Yoon remembered and searched for him because of that name, is it?"

 

"No, I subtly questioned Chief Pat and overheard a little information. That person named Shihwa..." The voices in the room trailed off, as if about to reveal a secret.

 

"Apparently, he's a high-ranking official who slept with Yoon one night five years ago. He left some money and then fled."

 

"Oh no! They snatched Director Yoon's money and ran off, huh?"

 

"No, they put the money aside separately."

 

"...Huh?"

 

Myungshin probably didn't understand, so he asked again hesitantly.

 

"W-what do you mean? He just left the money and ran off?"

 

"yes"

 

Perhaps because this topic offered something interesting amidst their boring conversation, I unconsciously tilted my head to the side. Director Yoon was the one who did it intentionally. So you're going to capture your arch-enemy with a smile on your face, huh? And the reason for the deception is just to put down the money and run away?

 

"Leave some money behind as payment for one night's stay before you go, and then..."

 

After that, he mentioned an amount of money or something, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper that I couldn't hear him clearly. But even if that amount was only two hundred Won, in my opinion, there's no reason to become enemies. If you have money, you should be grateful. And are there really crazy people like that? I feel like there are many people in the world who need to repent and change their ways before the topic of conversation suddenly changes.

 

"If that person gets caught, they'll be crushed to death at Director Yoon's hands."

 

"Hmm, right? Oh, you once told me you almost got stabbed to death in the dark."

 

When the awaited moment arrived, I pulled away from the wall. The same boastful tone as before came from Myungshin's mouth.

 

"Hmm, about five years ago, someone with a knife suddenly broke into my house. Didn't I tell you that back then I was hanging out with thugs who were worse than some of those bastards?"

 

When the man agreed, saying, "That sounds familiar," Myungshin chuckled.

 

"Let's just say, a guy with menacing eyes barged in, pointed a knife at me, and demanded to know who that thug was. If I did, he threatened to kill me."

 

"Someone like that came right to me. That guy looks like a real thug. Don't even get me started. His height isn't that different from mine, but he's incredibly brutal. When he fights bigger guys, he won't let go until one of them is dead. And in the end...He even won, and he goes around behaving like that everywhere. But because we're together, I can't say anything outright."

 

"Then why are you living together?"

 

"Just don't say anything, flatter him nicely, and you'll get a lot of money. Because that idiot is so thick-headed. Just shed a few tears and put on a show, and he'll believe you. Then they gave me all the money."

 

He talked about my story, but it sounded as boring as hearing about a drama that's going to be produced this year. Luckily, Myungshin focused on the important points of the story in the direction I wanted.

 

"Anyway, I'm scared that it will kill me because of that bastard. It's obvious he intends to use me as a hostage, but the situation...It was pitch black all around me."

 

The man listening seemed amused and, in a tone full of suspicion, chimed in, "And then what?"

 

"But luckily, that guy's younger brother happened to be loitering outside. He'd come over once that morning, but for some reason, he showed up again in the evening. He brought it up again, so I told him, 'Even if you killed me, who isn't family, he wouldn't blink. Go kill his brother over there instead.'"

 

"Did you really tell me to go kill him?"

 

"What else could I do? In that situation, I had to prioritise my own survival." As he said that, the man rummaged through the house several times to double-check if he was telling the truth.

 

"When I found the picture that guy took with his younger brother, I showed it to him, and he put the knife away. I thought I was really going to die then."

 

"And how is the younger brother?"

 

"I don't know. I don't know if he's alive or dead. It's all that thug's fault."

 

"Hey, you should report this to the police."

 

Suddenly, Myungshin's giggles lasted for a while. "Haha, well..."

 

His laughter echoed clearly in my ears, as if he were laughing right beside me, before his next words quickly took over the space in my head.

 

"At that time, I intended to just run away with the money. How could I report it to the police then? Haha!"

Repentance is a beautiful word. Perhaps I am an example of it, because at least I've shed my delinquent image and am living a normal life. But have I really changed? Maybe I've lived intentionally, clinging to that guilt, never forgetting that I'm a sinner. Yet, the laughter of someone filling my head tells me I haven't changed at all. And in that moment of anger and resentment, that laughter told me that it's too late for repentance.

 

I unexpectedly walked down to the third floor, and I had no intention of meeting the drinks vendor in the first place, because being a star has nothing to do with my life.

Just a little bit, but now the whole situation has changed. As soon as the door opened, the man serving drinks, who was talking to a young man sitting on a chair, immediately jumped up.

 

"Ah, you're here! The security guard downstairs said you were here, but when I went to the meeting room, no one was there. I was worried you might have gone back. By the way, where did you go?"

 

I glanced at the clock on the wall and realised I was thirty minutes late for my appointment.

 

"I'm on the fifth floor."

 

"Fifth floor? What are you doing up there? Ah, I must have misheard the room number. Sigh. While waiting there, you're probably cursing me for taking so long, just like I did. Haha!"

 

"Are you insulting me?"

 

"Ahem, it looks like it's going to get even colder tonight."

 

He ended the conversation with nonsense and signalled for me, still standing in front of the door, to sit down. Then he pointed to a young man in his early twenties who was looking at me. There was a strange sparkle in his eyes.

 

"Say hello. He's one of the children I'm taking care of."

 

As soon as he sat down and turned to look, he immediately opened his mouth and spoke.

 

"Hello! Wow, it's really nice to meet you! This is President Choi... no, right now he's just my manager. Let's just say I'm under the same manager as you. Actually, there's another celebrity that Manager Choi manages besides me, but only temporarily, and... he's a bad one... Anyway, it's really nice to meet you!"

 

He bowed his head in a loud, booming greeting that echoed through the room, as if he were already known for his boisterous nature. Meanwhile, the drinks vendor gave a wry smile at being addressed as the president. He'll instantly be smiling brightly like a young man.

 

"Ah, he hasn't decided yet. Don't overreact," he said, holding a piece of paper with the words 'Temporary Contract' written in large letters.

 

"Now that I'm here, you're interested, aren't you? Actually, there are a lot of things to explain, but first, let me make sure you want this job?"

 

"yes"

 

"Then...ahem...could you please try taking off your hat?"

 

He probably remembered my adamant refusal in front of the elevator, so he cautiously pleaded. I took off the hat I'd been wearing all day under the intense stares of the two of them. Even though my hair, constantly covered by the hat, looked ridiculous, those two still managed not to smile and scrutinised my face with serious eyes. They stared like that for quite a while, and when they started to get a little bored, the young man spoke softly.

 

"Just as the chairman said."

 

"Isn't that right?"

 

I don't know what he meant by "it," but the man serving the drinks nodded without taking his eyes off me.

 

"You're not strikingly handsome."

 

"....”.

 

"But you have very beautiful eyes."

 

When I looked back at him, he, who admired me even more than before, spoke.

 

"An actor isn't just about being handsome; they also have to be good at acting. Before that, how should I put it...?" He tilted his head to the side, as if choosing the right words.

 

"I guess you'd call it charm, attracting people, right? I've been in this industry for a long time, so I know you need a special quality to attract people's attention to be successful."

 

"Success, especially in the eyes...that's why there are people like you who are different. Of course, I mean it in a positive way. Looking at it closely like this, I really want to keep it."

 

He quickly added, as if to let them know he was impressed, "Honestly, I don't care what my own reaction is; whatever happens here doesn't matter. But it seems the guy serving the drinks and the young man are very interested in me. Both of them, looking excited about something, grabbed their cameras and started posing."

The Laroyd that was on the table was picked up before the drinks vendor spoke.

 

"But my real face might look different from the image on the screen. You could say I'm photogenic, right? Let me take a picture to check." When I nodded, he mumbled something and quickly pointed a Polaroid camera at me.

 

"By the way, you have a scar on your forehead. For actors, the face is their life. If you want to be an actor, you absolutely cannot have any scars on your face from now on."

 

He rambled on while pressing the shutter button. Soon, a small photograph slowly slid out. The drink vendor, probably impatient, hastily pulled the picture out while it was still in the frame. Not everyone was there, and he immediately frowned when he saw that picture.

 

"heavily!"

 

"What's wrong, Chairman?"

 

The young man asked in surprise, before the drink vendor handed him a photo with a serious expression.

 

"The entire image is black."

 

"Hmm, maybe it's because the film is too old?"

 

"Or...oh! The picture is coming out!"

 

"Oh, that's right. Oh yes, President, normally a Polaroid camera starts with a black screen, and then the picture gradually appears, doesn't it? *static*."

 

"Yes, yes, that's right, isn't it? We must be quite stupid. Haha."

 

What the heck are these idiots? I looked at the two of them, wondering to myself, Don't tell me they're con artists. These fools are managers of actors in the company. Is it really a huge entertainment show, or is it just a show to help them relax and unwind? While I was assessing them, both of them teased me. Evaluate it again.

 

"Oh, that fierce-looking face looks softer in a photograph."

 

"That's right. I mean, he seems a bit ill-mannered in real life, huh? Ah, yes."

 

"That's right. Seeing that stern face, I thought he didn't have that side, but he does! Haha. Look, you came to see it too..."

 

"..."

 

"...Growth, huh?"

 

"yes"

 

They both stopped laughing at my blunt answer and remained silent for a while, like normal people. After a short time, they started filming me with their phones to check how photogenic I was, then acted like idiots again. If these two were con artists using casting as bait, they could just be kicked to jail together. While I was wondering if I should just walk away, they complimented me on how photogenic I was before finally getting to the main point.

 

"You look better than I thought. At first glance, you seem ordinary, but the more I look at your face, the more charming you become. That's exactly the kind of look you get. Even if I were to judge solely on looks, appearance is a crucial factor. Plus, you don't seem uncomfortable or camera-shy at all. Okay, do you have any questions?"

 

Yes, there is. There's only one thing. That's why I asked what I wanted to know.

 

"Do I have any commodity value?"

 

The drinks vendor probably didn't expect me to choose that word. He looked serious for a moment, then nodded.

 

"Yes, that's why we met, isn't it? But using the term 'commodity value' in relation to oneself..."

 

"How high do you think I can go?"

 

He opened his mouth, deep in thought, at the question asked with a calm expression.

 

"Well... you know, if you hope to become a star right away..."

 

"No, it's not like that. It's just general curiosity."

 

He looked sceptical, wondering if that was really all, before shrugging and giving me a serious look. He stared at me for a while before finally speaking.

 

"If my gut feeling is right, you can reach the very top. Is that what you want?"

 

The old man and the young boy exchanged puzzled glances at the question, then looked at me again.

 

"Uh, this is getting out of hand. I haven't even signed a contract with you yet. If this is your first time in this field... your first time, right?"

 

I nodded.

 

"If it's your first time, there's still a lot to learn. Focus on building a strong foundation in basic skills, and gain experience through smaller lessons later on. Then, a few years later, you became a supporting actor, and gradually moved up to take on leading roles..."

 

"No, not that way. But please tell me a quicker way."

 

The two exchanged puzzled glances again, and then the uncle spoke with a serious expression, as if he thought he had misjudged someone.

 

"I'm sorry, but if you intend to do this job solely for money or fame..."

 

"I don't need money or fame; I just want to go down a fast path."

 

"You said you don't want money or fame, but you also want to go down a fast path, right? So what exactly are you aiming for in becoming an actor?" I turned to look at the young man instead of answering the question. He blinked his wide eyes a few times when he was met with such a sudden, unreadable gaze.

 

"Is the troublesome person that Manager Choi is temporarily handling Song Yoohan ?" the young man replied, while I glanced at the old man.

 

"Ah... yes."

 

"What's the reason he's such a bad person?"

 

"...."

 

I said something predictable to him, which left him speechless.

 

"Was Song Yoohan ever an actor under the manager's company, and then he betrayed the company?"

 

The young man's eyes widened as if they were about to bulge out.

 

"H-how did you find out about that? Yoohan just took the deposit and sped off to another company..."

 

"Don't say that."

 

The old man mimicked the young man's lines and then turned to look at me.

 

"By the way, what do you know about Yoohan?"

 

I stared at him and asked a different question instead.

 

"When you first met Song Yoohan, did you ever predict that he would reach the top?"

 

"Do you have the same sense of judgment as you do when you look at me?"

 

He abandoned his kind, uncle-like expression and became wary of me, looking as if he was about to vent some kind of displeasure when he heard the various questions, but still...I swallowed it and sighed instead.

 

"No, I'm not the same as you."

 

"So I have a chance to win, right?"

 

I ignored the follow-up question, "What are the odds of winning?" and answered his earlier question instead.

 

"I don't know Chung Yoohan ."

 

"How could that be...?"

 

"But I know Song Myungshin ."

 

The drink vendor's expression hardened, as if he knew that name was Chong Yoohan's real name. The young man beside him glanced at us alternately. His face was filled with suspicion, and even though the atmosphere had eased, the young man still didn't open his mouth to say anything.

 

"So you didn't intend to come see me, but came because Myungshin changed his name to Yoohan, is that it?" I hesitated to answer the question because of the anger hidden in the uncle's voice. Although we hadn't talked much, I could roughly sense that this man...What kind of person is this? Perhaps they're someone who's blindly devoted to their own affairs, like a fool, unaware that they're placing too much faith in their work.

 

If that's the case, then he's probably the worst person in the world for me. If I told him how I really felt, there's a high chance he'd just let me go, but oh well. Even if it wasn't him, I could probably still get into the entertainment industry. Or maybe I could just lie to get out of this situation first and get revenge later. 

 

I considered several options in my head before I saw his hand resting on the table. There was a white circle wrapped around his left ring finger. As I shifted my gaze...Looking down a little further, I could see the frayed threads on his sleeve...the finger that once held a wedding ring, and his tattered old clothes.

 

"What is the most important thing for a manager?" I glanced up and asked him, his face full of question marks,

 

"Is the most important job, or is it seeing the stars you nurtured reach the pinnacle of success?"

 

"Why are you suddenly asking that?"

 

"I'm just curious. If you say yes, I'll leave without a second thought." He blinked, as if he didn't understand what I said.

 

"Of course, work is what's most important to me..."

 

"Isn't that family?"

 

"……"

 

"You tolerated Myungshin's abuse so you could send your child to tutoring, didn't you?"

 

"Hey, what exactly are you trying to say?"

 

"So you're living your life for your family now, huh? I don't know what it was like before, but in this situation, you even sold your wedding ring. Shouldn't you put your family first?"

 

I glanced down at his empty left finger and continued speaking calmly. "I was deceived by an actor I once trusted, and your company went bankrupt, too. You should know that you can't live the life you dream of because the world isn't fair. If you want what you want, you have to adapt to this unfair world. So use me! Even though I go against your manager's beliefs, if I have value, hire me! Unless you have no intention of seeking revenge and want to go back to how things used to be."

 

"...I never thought about revenge."

 

"But I think so."

 

I told him the truth that was in my heart. "I'm planning to get revenge."