Payback Book 1.

Prologue.

Turn over a new leaf.

...It's a beautiful saying. Leaving past mistakes behind and improving oneself seems like a good thing, I guess. But ideally, it would be better not to repent in the first place. Unfortunately, my situation isn't that good, because I'm a scoundrel, or what people commonly call a thug. I hung out with bad friends since middle school, and I ran away from home several times. Even though I continued in high school, I was such a failure that I got expelled in less than a year. My mother raised my younger brother and me alone without any help from my father. But when I was expelled from school, instead of scolding me, she looked utterly dejected.

 

My mother was probably tired. She might have wanted to let her son go, because just going to work at the restaurant from early morning to make ends meet was already hectic enough. As for me, not going to school, I became a horse freed from the reins, thinking the whole world belonged to me and doing whatever I wanted.

 

I extorted money from people my age, stole money from drunkards to drink heavily every day, and smoked two or three packs of cigarettes a day without anyone stopping me. Later, I started trying drugs that someone gave me because they said they made me feel euphoric. I got a tattoo to show off how cool I was. I also hung out with guys my age, getting into fights everywhere because I was a good fighter. That's how I became the gang leader, taking them on dangerous late-night motorcycle races.

 

Back then, I thought it was cool. I thought I was the coolest because everyone bowed down to me, while those who were focused on studying at school were like pigs in a pen, too afraid even to make eye contact. Unbeknownst to me, my brain was gradually malfunctioning, and I was sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss from which there was no escape. 

 

One day, hearing people talk about repenting and turning their lives around made me stop and wonder how good it would be if I could repent, too. If, one day, I looked in the mirror and was shocked by my appearance as a blonde-haired thug, and came to my senses, that would be wonderful. Even though I know it's pointless to regret it now, looking back, the guilt weighs heavily on my chest. 

 

While others were preoccupied with preparing for their exams,  I got a job. It's a loan company, and my job is to collect debts. Most of the debtors who can't repay are destitute, with nowhere to run, and they live frugally. All I see in my eyes is my bonus. I used brutal methods, ambushing children and women at 3 AM with a knife. I'd do anything to collect the debt. This job made me more money than I expected, so I'm trapped in my own arrogance. Look how easy it is to make money, and the world still fears me; there's nothing I can't do.

 

I feel sorry for and frustrated with my mother, who has worked in a restaurant for over ten years but is still stuck in a dark, cold, monthly rented room in the basement. Therefore, she never uses any of her earnings to support the family because she's too busy spending it on her own pleasures. 

 

Every day, I wander around and frequent bars and upscale taverns, indulging in expensive imported liquors with the delusion that I am the ultimate person. The only person I'd give money to is Myungshin, my ex-boyfriend. He was expelled from high school, just like me. He's so handsome you'd believe he was a girl. He opened my eyes and made me realise I could sleep with men. The way he was quiet and always followed me around like a puppy awakened my protective instincts. I could satisfy my desires whenever I wanted without worrying about him getting pregnant. That's how we started, but after being with him for over a year, I don't know when I started thinking he was my boyfriend, only to realise later that it was all one-sided. No, that period of my life was just a delusion of self-importance. And I have nothing more to say about him.

 

Perhaps it was his striking looks that made him want to be a star. He diligently used the money I gave him to study at various institutions and also secretly observed talent agencies. I sometimes wondered if someone as quiet and reserved as he could actually act. I didn't pay much attention to it because I was busy comforting him when he was feeling down.

 

After being swindled out of all my money by a con artist agency, another year passed, and it was early summer. While my peers were in university, enjoying their second year of college, I was still making money by extorting others. Strangely, that day was unlucky from the start. Normally, Myungshin would get scammed by agencies and come back crying. Still, that day he was unusually excited, saying that the agency he'd visited a few days earlier was definitely legitimate. Even though I suspected he'd just run into another con artist, seeing his excited face irritated me inexplicably. At that moment, I, who had overslept after drinking until late at night, was about to leave for the loan company's office when I saw someone waiting for me there. 

 

"elder sibling"

 

I turned around at the sound of a familiar voice and saw my younger brother, whom I'd met on my way home a month ago, standing there in a middle school uniform that didn't fit him properly.

 

"What's up?"

 

He should be at school, so why is he here at this time? He squinted and walked closer, then the skinny boy opened his mouth and spoke curtly.

 

"My mother is sick."

 

"So what?"

 

"What do you want by looking at me like that?"

 

"...Money. I need money for my mother's medical treatment."

 

He must have been very reluctant to say those words because he immediately pursed his lips tightly when I mentioned "business, J." I openly pulled out my wallet, trying to hide my frustration, before opening it and counting the money.

 

"How much do you want?"

 

“How much did you get?"

 

The hand reaching into the pocket to grab all the 10,000-won bills suddenly froze.

 

Ask the question you should have asked from the start.

 

"What illness does she have?"

 

"...I don't know. She suddenly fell ill. I heard she needs some surgery." How annoying. I thought of my mother, who's constantly sick because she never takes a break from work, before pulling out all the 10,000-won checks and bills I had from my wallet.

 

"Okay."

 

The younger brother took the money and counted it slowly before asking again in a stern voice.

 

"Can I have some more?"

 

"How much are the medical expenses?"

 

"Four million two hundred thousand won"

 

"...What did you say?"

 

How seriously ill is she...? Looking into my younger brother's eyes, who I didn't know had grown so big, I couldn't bring myself to ask the next question. He acted as if he were borrowing money from a stranger, as if to say he didn't want anything to do with it.

 

"Can I have some more? I'll return it later."

 

How are you going to pay me back? I swallowed the words I was about to blurt out.

 

"Come back again in the afternoon. I'll go collect today's payments first. Even if it's not the full amount, it should be at least half," I said. 

 

My younger brother nodded once before turning around. I watched him disappear, then realised that the kid had been standing there waiting for help, even though he didn't want to, for who knows how many hours.

 

That day, I was in a bad mood all day. The debtors I had to collect money from that day were a married couple who ran a roadside food stall in a tent. They looked to be in their mid-to-late forties, and their son was about two years old. I heard that the son had a problem with his leg, so they had to borrow money for surgery. The couple raised their son very protectively because he was their only child, born later in life. But because of this child, they had to use all their monthly earnings to pay off their debts.

Even so, people need money to survive, so they haven't paid the interest for almost three months. This is my fourth time visiting this couple, and although I've squeezed every last penny out of them in the past, today there will be no leniency whatsoever because I need the money too. Therefore, I'm resorting to methods I don't usually use.

 

"Gasp! Wh-what are you doing?!"

 

The husband shouted with a pale face, while his wife, standing beside him, collapsed and wept.

 

"W-what are you doing?! H-hurry and put the knife away!" The husband almost lost his balance in his wife's wake, but, being a man, he tried to step forward. However, I yanked the crying child forward and held a sharp, short knife to his neck.

 

"Waaah...waaah!"

 

I held the small, struggling body, which was crying loudly, leaving red marks all over the child's body. Only when the knife blade was pressed against the child's skin did the man finally kneel.

 

"Please, let my child go... I beg you, please release the child. I've given you everything. Take whatever you want..." Upon hearing his sobs, I chuckled and made a request.

 

"Go get the monthly rental agreement and contact them to ask for your security deposit back from the owner of the house right now."

The man looked up in shock.

 

"So...where are we going to stay?"

 

„9.!"

 

I pressed the blade against the delicate skin. Its coldness startled the child, causing him to flinch and try to twist away. The sharp blade lightly cut into his flesh, leaving a thin line, as small as a red thread. The man called the child's name, extending his trembling hand.

 

"I...I give up! Please, don't hurt my son!" The husband stumbled over to grab the rental agreement from somewhere. I checked the amount on the contract first. This family was several months behind on rent, so I could only get half of the deposit back. Damn it. But at least I can give this money to my younger brother.

 

After listening to the other party speak to the homeowner via speakerphone, I released the distraught child, who had fainted, and laid him on the floor. The child's mother rushed over, hugged her son, and burst into tears. I, wearing my shoes, stepped into the house and was about to turn around and open the door. As I was about to walk away, I heard a loud noise behind me.

 

"for..."

 

Although his wife's cries echoed throughout the cramped, single rented room, I could clearly hear her husband's deep voice. Perhaps it was because I could see the rage bottled up in his eyes.

 

"...You will be punished by heaven."

 

"Heaven's punishment? Huh. If something like that really existed, wicked people would die."

 

"The world is over, you idiot!"

 

The wife's sobs still echoed behind me as I sneered. Then I closed the door and walked out. 

 

I sluggishly collected some more money before heading home. If I could turn back time, I would want to go back to that moment the most. Back then, all I thought about was giving the money I'd earned to my younger brother and then spending some time with Myungshin, because his body was enough to make me feel good and relieve the pent-up emotions I'd been feeling since morning. While I was thinking about that, I saw my younger brother standing in the same spot I'd seen him earlier that day. He was looking at me with a stern expression, as if I were a stranger.

 

"Brother, why did you only come now?"

He must have been standing there for quite a while to blurt out that question, making me frown as I was about to take money out of my pocket. That insolent kid, daring to ask why I'd just arrived with that expression on his face! I was starting to get annoyed at having to give him the money. Normally, a hot-headed person like me would have punched him, but I thought it would be better to give him the money and go home, so I took out the envelope and walked over to him.

 

"I didn't get everything, but take it anyway. I'll go find the rest tomorrow..."

 

I intended to say that I would give it if I could, but my younger brother's expression seemed strange. No, not strange. He wasn't looking at me, but staring at my back with a look of panic. In the split second, I wondered what had happened and was about to turn around when something whizzed past me. After hearing a groan, I realised someone had rushed out.

 

"gulp...!"

As I turned around, a clear image appeared before me: my younger brother, his eyes wide, mouth agape, frozen in terror. Someone was holding him down, stabbing him in the stomach. When that person turned around, I saw it was the child's father. He met my gaze and whispered, his voice filled with rage.

 

"This is heaven's punishment!"

 

I don't remember much of what happened after that. All I recall is regaining consciousness in the middle of the night and seeing my younger brother's body lying dead in a pool of bright red blood. I don't even remember how I got home. Someone once said that bad luck doesn't come only once, right?

 

When I got home and opened the door, I found the room in a mess with belongings scattered everywhere. The ten million won I had collected as debt and was supposed to give at the office had disappeared. When the landlord found out later, she said she would keep the deposit and told me to pack my things and leave immediately. It was then that I realised Myungshin had betrayed me. It would have been good if the bad luck had ended there, but I still had my mother, who was the reason my younger brother had to borrow money from me for medical expenses. 

 

Two days after my brother died, I went to see my mother at the hospital, but what awaited me was the doctor's diagnosis that she was brain-dead due to the surgery. During that time, I couldn't cope with the sudden onslaught of situations. I didn't know how everything turned out this way or why the cleanup happened. All at once, the doctor asked me a question in a very clear and concise manner, which seemed like the first sentence I'd heard in the past few days.

 

"Your mother is still alive because she's on a ventilator, but she probably doesn't have much time left. If the family is prepared for this, you should let your mother pass away peacefully..."

 

"Are you telling me to kill my mother?"

 

I'd already killed my younger brother, and now I was going to let my mother die too? Even though I'd lived a dissolute life, seeing my brother dead and my mother dying right before my eyes, I had to compose myself. Even though the doctors said she was in a coma, I firmly insisted on prolonging her life with that expensive medical equipment. After leaving the hospital, I went to the loan company where I worked to borrow money to help keep my mother alive.

 

"How are you going to return my money?" the chairman asked, smiling sarcastically.

 

"I'll work as hard as an ox to earn enough to pay you back," the chairman couldn't help but say.

 

"Everyone who borrows money says the same thing, but nobody ever pays it back. Will you end up like them? I understand, but I can't give you a job because I can't entrust my money to a debtor like you."

 

"I'll definitely find another job and pay you back."

 

"Hmm, everyone says the same thing," the chairman, perhaps finding it amusing, pulled a wad of cash out of the safe.

 

"You know what will happen if you can't return it, right?"

 

"yes"

 

"This is going to be fun. I'll be waiting for the day a kid like you comes kneeling and crying. Beg me to spare your life."

 

I left the president's lewd laughter behind and went to pay my mother's medical bills at the hospital. Then I went back to my real home, a place I hadn't been to in a very long time—a sunless, musty-smelling basement room.

 

Each step into the room felt heavy, like walking against the current. My brother must have been in a hurry to leave, as he had haphazardly folded the blankets, and several pieces of clothing had fallen from the hanger. Although there were signs of someone having lived there, to me, the room seemed frozen in time, and I was an uninvited guest. Amidst all that remained intact, my gaze suddenly fell upon a flickering light on the computer screen. Moving the mouse, I saw the screen, which hadn't been turned off, light up brightly. I frowned and muttered to myself.

 

"That guy... he left without even turning off his computer..."

 

Before I could finish complaining, I suddenly remembered, "Oh, that's right, my younger brother is dead." I stood up and slowly scanned the room. The room was filled with traces of my brother and mother's lives: middle school textbooks and supplementary study books tucked into the desk, a half-cut eraser on top, and my brother's handwritten timetable on the wall. It was drawn in colourful pencils, which looked rather unusual for a boy.

 

Thinking back, I remember the kid saying he studied hard. Scanning the desk again, I saw a small plastic basket crammed with sample cosmetics. My mother had only ever used small bottles of free samples her whole life, and even then, she was very frugal, using them only when she went out. The plastic basket, which I'd seen since I was a child, had a crack in the middle and was so old that I couldn't tell what colour it originally was. 

 

I stood in the middle of the room, staring at one spot for a long time. Everything in the room remained exactly as it was, waiting for its owner to return and use it, as if nothing had happened. Finally, I realised my younger brother was dead, and my mother was dying soon. And, for the utterly unlucky me, I was the only survivor. People I once considered friends have all turned their backs on my current situation, but I don't resent them. Actually, I don't have the time to feel that way.