Payback 3
This book comes with a trigger warning: it contains angst, death, drug addiction, rape/non-consensual (not related to the main character), self-sacrifice, starvation, torture, unhealthy relationships, attempted murder, abuse, and corpses.
Chapter 1.
Normally, seeing two men walk into a hotel together in broad daylight would make me worry about what other people might think.
But I didn’t.
All I remembered was him finding me less than twenty minutes after we ended the call and dragging me straight to a hotel.
More specifically, he grabbed my arm and led me through the lobby, into the lift, and down the corridor like I was a doll.
After that…
My memories went black.
Only scattered, hazy fragments remained.
Everything I saw was blurred.
I simply let myself be led.
His movements held me captive, as though he were the only rope I had left to cling to.
Even when he roughly undressed me, covered me in kisses, and pulled me onto the bed, I couldn’t push him away.
Instead, I clung tightly to his strong arm, refusing to let go.
He continued kissing me as though trying to comfort me.
As he gently prepared me, my body stiffened at the unfamiliar sensation.
Even though our position wasn’t particularly comfortable, he never stopped kissing me.
His kisses were slow and gentle.
Everything else was different.
He gave me only a brief moment to steady my breathing before continuing, never showing me any mercy.
My entire body rocked with the force of it.
When I slid across the bed, he caught me before I could fall.
Perhaps my body was simply trying to escape the pain.
At that moment, it felt less like making love…
…and more like punishment.
When it finally ended, I realised tears were streaming down my face.
My breathing was ragged, and my body trembled uncontrollably.
Through blurred vision, I looked up at him.
He silently brushed my hair back before leaning down to kiss me again.
The second time…
It was completely different.
It felt as gentle as a kiss.
Slow.
Careful.
Tender.
When everything was over, I closed my eyes, feeling as though I were drifting off to sleep.
The next memory was vague at first.
Then I felt something cold against my cheek.
When I opened my eyes, I found him holding a bottle of chilled water to my lips, waking me so I could drink.
I swallowed several mouthfuls before resting my head back on the pillow.
Then I looked up at him.
This time…
I could finally see him clearly.
He sat beside me, drinking the rest of the water.
I watched his throat move as he swallowed.
Then I quietly asked,
“Was it you…?”
“The one from five years ago?”
He slowly turned his head and set the water bottle down.
The smile that gradually spread across his face overlapped with the image buried in my memories, becoming clearer.
Yes.
Those dimples.
That face.
It was the same man I’d seen through the eye holes of that oversized mascot head.
The man from five years ago was standing right in front of me.
How could someone be this insane?
But one thing was certain.
He’d known it was me all along.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t be smiling like that.
“Did you know it was me from the beginning?”
Instead of answering, he took another swallow of water.
Then he drained the rest of the bottle in one go.
Crack.
He crushed the empty plastic bottle in his hand until it crumpled with a loud snap before letting it fall onto the floor.
Then he raised his now-empty hand towards my face.
As his hand moved to cover my eyes, I frowned and turned away.
He was faster.
His thumb lightly traced the corner of my eye before he withdrew it.
In a lazy voice, he asked,
“Have you cried enough?”
“…”
“Do you know what made me angriest…”
“…after you dropped that bomb on me and ran away five years ago?”
“I never dropped a bomb on you.”
I answered firmly.
“I even gave you money.”
“What are you talking about?”
I tried to sit up.
Every muscle in my body ached as though I’d been beaten with a club.
The moment I moved, he pressed a hand onto my shoulder, forcing me back down.
As I grabbed his arm to push him away, his cold voice interrupted me.
“You left a bomb behind…”
“…because you ran away without taking off the mascot head.”
The answer caught me completely off guard.
I’d assumed he was angry because I’d thrown the โฉ20,000 at him.
Or because I’d aggravated the injury to his hand.
Instead…
It was something even more unexpected.
I looked up at him.
“Do you think I deliberately hid my face?”
A faint smile crossed his lips.
His eyes, however, remained cold.
“That doesn’t matter.”
“The problem is…”
“…you ran away before I ever got to see your face.”
What would he have done if he’d seen it?
It wasn’t as though he’d suddenly fallen in love with someone after a one-night stand.
Before I could finish the thought, he continued quietly, as though answering the argument in my head.
“I wanted to make sure…”
“…that you were the one crying.”
“I wanted to hear you say it yourself.”
Once again, his hand reached towards my face.
This time…
I didn’t avoid it.
His fingertips brushed lightly over my eyebrow before slowly tracing the corner of my eye.
Then he gently smoothed the skin beneath it.
The touch was unexpectedly soft.
I wanted to turn away.
But I couldn’t.
I was too busy looking into his eyes.
The coldness that had been there only moments before…
…had quietly disappeared.
“I really wanted to know…”
“…just how heartbroken you must have been to make me feel those emotions too.”
I remembered something he’d said before.
“When other people cried, I never really felt sad with them.”
“But there was one person whose tears made me genuinely feel their sadness.”
“Before, it only hurt vaguely.”
“This time, it really hurts.”
…Was he talking about me?
I asked the same question again.
“Did you know it was me from the beginning?”
“No.”
He answered casually before taking his hand away and running it through his hair.
“I realised later.”
“When you came to see me wearing that mascot costume.”
“The mascot costume?”
I frowned.
I remembered going to see him disguised as an event mascot after discovering that the lunatic was Director Yoon.
But…
That didn’t make sense.
“It wasn’t even the same mascot head.”
I slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard.
The moment I moved, pain pulsed through my entire body as though I’d been beaten with a club.
Even so, I looked straight at him without showing it.
“You’re saying you recognised me just because I was wearing a mascot costume?”
“How else?”
He looked at me.
“How did you know…”
“…that I was the man who tried to buy you five years ago?”
The smile on his face when he mentioned the auction made me frown.
Come to think of it…
I’d already told him that before.
Damn it.
Then his next words made me frown even more.
“Ah…”
“Now that you’ve already had me inside you…”
“…you finally remembered that I was the one from back then.”
“Stop talking nonsense.”
He grinned.
“Looks like you’re back to normal.”
“…”
“Isn’t it amazing?”
“You were crying so desperately a few minutes ago.”
“Now you’re talking to me as if nothing happened.”
“Amazing…”
“Maybe that’s the right word.”
“What’s certain is that I feel completely different now.”
“So different that I almost wonder whether everything that happened before…”
“…was just a dream.”
“That’s life.”
I looked up at him.
His voice was calm.
His eyes were just as emotionless.
“It hurts so much you think you can’t bear it.”
“But eventually…”
“…you forget.”
“One day it becomes something insignificant.”
“Sometimes you’re happy.”
“Sometimes you’re miserable.”
“Whether you want to or not…”
“…you keep living.”
His gaze dropped to the blanket covering my lower body.
Although I was covered…
It still felt as though he could see me completely.
Then he looked back at me.
“The fact that you held onto me…”
“…cried…”
“…and shed those tears…”
“…isn’t a big deal.”
His voice remained cold.
“Accept it.”
“That’s simply the price of living an ordinary life.”
“I know.”
I answered quietly, lowering my eyes.
A moment later, his hand gently lifted my chin until our eyes met again.
“Knowing isn’t enough.”
“It’s time to let go of that disgusting guilt.”
I pushed his hand away.
Then I turned my face aside.
“I’ll decide that for myself.”
Whether I let it go…
Or continued carrying it…
That was my decision.
Even if crying once had eased some of the pain.
There were feelings I’d never even realised existed.
But that didn’t mean I’d thrown all of my guilt away.
If anything…
I’d simply accepted it more calmly.
Yes.
“Calmly” was probably the right word.
Whenever I remembered the past, guilt always settled heavily on my shoulders.
It became a weight I carried everywhere.
But now…
It felt as though part of that weight had disappeared.
The heaviness pressing against my chest had eased just enough for me to breathe a little more freely.
Even so…
The fear remained.
The fear of still being alive.
The fear that these feelings would never disappear completely.
Afraid to dwell on those thoughts any longer, I deliberately looked back up at him.
I half expected him to call my guilt “disgusting” again.
Instead…
He simply looked at me quietly before changing the subject.
“I could tell from your voice.”
I was about to ask, “What do you mean?” Then I remembered what he’d said about recognising me because of the mascot costume.
And now…
My voice?
The suspicion on my face must have been obvious.
He gave me a tired smile.
“Back then, all I remembered was the voice I heard through that mascot head.”
“Then I saw your tattoo.”
“That’s why, when we met at the hotel in XXX City, I looked at your tattoo first.”
“No wonder I was in such a good mood.”
“Because you’d finally found the formidable enemy you’d been looking for?”
He smiled before leaning closer and whispering,
“Because that formidable enemy…”
“…was you.”
“…”
“And what about you?”
“How did you realise it was me?”
“I thought you were too dense to figure it out until I told you.”
He gave a quiet laugh before continuing his usual nonsense.
“Was it because your body remembered me?”
“Did taking me inside you bring back your memories?”
“Damn it.”
“I just remembered, that’s all.”
“You idiot.”
I added firmly before he could continue talking nonsense.
“…Because I cried.”
“That’s the only reason I remembered.”
Just admitting that made me feel embarrassed.
Damn it.
If only I’d been wearing the mascot head this time as well.
Why did I have to cry in front of him?
Twice now.
And I still didn’t understand why.
“That’s boring.”
“If you’d said it was because I was so good in bed…”
“…I was going to give you a reward.”
“I wasn’t enjoying it either.”
“And I don’t want your reward.”
“Really?”
He looked at me thoughtfully.
“Still…”
“It’s useful bait for provoking Cha Myung-shin.”
“You do need him to spend money as quickly as possible, don’t you?”
He wasn’t wrong.
I had intended to use the car Myung-shin was so obsessed with to lure him into spending more money.
But there was every chance he’d simply borrowed it from someone else.
More than anything…
I hated the way this lunatic demanded things so openly.
Then he asked,
“Tell me.”
“Did you like sleeping with me?”
I looked at him silently before my gaze drifted to the open robe hanging loosely around his shoulders.
Then I said,
“If I were the one on top…”
The corners of his lips slowly lifted.
His dimples appeared.
For some reason, amusement sparkled in his eyes.
“If you think you can…”
“…then go ahead and try.”
His gaze slowly travelled down my body again.
His eyes gleamed with unmistakable anticipation.
“Because next time…”
“…I might leave you so sore you won’t even be able to stand up straight.”
The look he gave me made his intentions perfectly clear.
I want you again.
I should have been the one making the first move, yet his eyes looked ready to pounce.
There was something raw and predatory in that gaze, like a wild animal watching its prey, and it made me uneasy.
Damn it.
My whole body still ached.
“I’ll give you another 20,000 won.”
“So back off.”
The body leaning over me paused before slowly retreating.
A slight twitch of his eyebrow suggested he’d remembered what had happened back then.
He smiled.
His eyes didn’t.
“Come to think of it…”
“I still have the 20,000 won you gave me.”
“Do you know why I kept it?”
Probably because it had humiliated him.
With his personality, it seemed exactly like something he’d keep so he’d never forget.
Before I could answer, he spoke indifferently.
“Because it was the first money you ever earned by selling your body.”
“It’s a souvenir.”
He suddenly grabbed my shoulder, still smiling.
“Yeah.”
“A souvenir.”
Then he said something even more unsettling than I’d expected.
“I kept it on purpose.”
“Every time I see it, I remember that night.”
“It reminds me of you.”
“Thinking about you only makes me angrier.”
“But at the same time…”
“…it makes me want you even more.”
His eyes narrowed as though he were stalking prey.
A chill ran down my spine.
“So if you want to give me more money…”
“…I don’t mind.”
After hearing that, I revised my opinion.
He wasn’t just a lunatic.
He was a sex-obsessed lunatic.
Then he leaned over me again as if he intended to pounce.
Was he seriously planning to do this again?
I hurriedly raised my arms to push him away.
Fortunately—
Bzzz. Bzzz.
A phone vibrated.
Someone had called.
He stopped just before climbing on top of me and turned towards the sound.
Only then did I realise it was already midday.
“Shouldn’t you be at work?”
He glanced at me before walking over to the table and picking up his phone.
“Yeah.”
He listened quietly for a while.
After a long silence, he finally spoke.
“Didn’t I tell you not to call unless it was a genuine emergency?”
Another silence followed.
Whoever was on the other end was probably trying to explain.
He cut them off.
“I’m taking today off.”
…What?
After working himself to the bone all this time…
He was taking a day off?
Without another word, he ended the call and switched off the phone.
Then, as though suddenly remembering something, he looked back at me.
“Oh.”
“Your manager called earlier.”
“I told him you were taking the day off too.”
“You answered my phone?”
“Yeah.”
He answered without the slightest hesitation.
Then he made as if to climb back into bed.
“Damn it.”
I immediately forced myself upright despite the pain.
“Wasn’t the manager surprised that you answered my phone?”
“Why would he be?”
Because you’re Director Yoon.
As if reading my thoughts, he continued,
“He doesn’t know who I really am.”
“Though if I introduced myself…”
“…he’d probably faint from the shock.”
“Wait…”
“You told him you were Director Yoon?”
He smiled.
Then he placed one knee on the bed.
The smile was so unpredictable that it instantly put me on guard.
“No.”
“I introduced myself using the name you saved me under in your phone.”
“Didn’t you save me as ‘Lunatic’?”
For some reason, I felt like a student being called to the front of the classroom.
Suppressing the urge to sigh, I answered firmly.
“Aren’t you a lunatic?”
His eyes narrowed briefly before returning to normal.
“Well…”
“I suppose that makes things easier.”
“No matter what I do to you from now on…”
“…you’ll just tell yourself it was because I’m insane.”
“That’s much more comfortable.”
“‘What I do’?”
“You bastard.”
“What exactly are you planning to do to me?”
I’d already decided that if we were going to argue, we might as well see it through to the end.
Instead of answering…
The outline beneath his bathrobe became even more obvious.
He noticed my eyes had dropped.
Grinning, he deliberately untied the belt around his waist.
The robe loosened, revealing his bare body beneath.
“If you’re that scared…”
“…then come at me.”
“Wouldn’t that be more exciting?”
“Who’s scared?”
“Not me.”
“Go on.”
I clenched both my fists and my jaw.
He watched me for a moment as though I were putting on a comedy performance.
“Maybe five years ago…”
“…when you injured my hand…”
“…that might have worked.”
“But now…”
“…you should give up.”
“Even though I do enjoy it when you throw yourself at me.”
Only part of that was true.
Five years ago…
I shouldn’t have stopped after injuring his hand.
I should have crippled it completely.
“Watch your mouth.”
“Or you might end up needing another hand splint.”