In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 9: Next

I woke up with such a bad headache I could barely open my eyes. Something had me pinned down, as if I’d been possessed by a ghost. But the ghost was warm, so I didn’t need to be told it was P’Aing. My whole body was numb. I must have really let myself go with him last night.

 

I couldn’t remember a thing… Drunk Pei always teleports. I wasn’t about to pick a fight with P’Aing first thing in the morning, either. Don’t wake a sleeping lion. Better to stay in bed until he got up and left. That was the safest option.

 

But last night I’d dreamed… I’d dreamed about the day P’Aing asked me to move in with him and become a family. The day everything between us began. He’d promised he’d never leave me unless I left him first. Maybe I should go over what had happened between us, in order. He’d said before that I was the one who left him first, but actually, I was the one who’d been abandoned.

 

When had our relationship started to fall apart? Maybe it was when I was in my third year at university, around the time Khun Ta came to discuss the three-million-baht debt. P’Aing stopped coming back to the flat then.

 

He disappeared, and I didn’t dare call him for fear he’d be with someone else. He was bored with me. Pei was boring.

 

I woke again to the sound of P’Aing in the bathroom. I decided to sneak back to my own room. I was too embarrassed to face him. I felt awkward and shy, with a heavy feeling in my chest, so I grabbed my clothes, hurriedly put them on and prepared to escape.

 

But as soon as I stepped out of P’Aing’s room, I ran straight into P’Aen, who had come out at the same time. He looked me over and beckoned me over. When he saw me hesitating, he came over, draped an arm around my neck and led me into his room. P’Aen’s room was decorated in earthy tones, with cream, light brown and white creating a comfortable feel. Soft instrumental music with nature sounds played throughout the room.

 

“Have you eaten, Pei?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Neither have I. I’ll make us something, then.”

 

“Er… I’d better cook for you.”

 

The tycoon Achi Araya—P’Aen—was a terrible cook. He could even burn a fried egg. The men in this family were better off buying their meals.

 

“If I get to eat Pei’s cooking, I’m sure it’ll be delicious. Shall I call Aing?”

 

“N-no, please don’t call P’Aing.”

 

“Have you two had a fight?”

 

“No… It’s because we haven’t had a fight…”

 

“You and Aing never argue, do you? That’s not good. You need to argue sometimes, so you can understand each other. If something upsets you, you should say so. The other person needs to know how you feel.”

 

“P’Aing’s so many years older than me. I’d probably look like a whiny child.”

 

“But if something’s bothering you, you have to say it, even if it feels like you’re whining. Why do you think you’re being childish? Maybe you’re perfectly normal, and Aing’s the stubborn old man.”

 

P’Aen smiled and ruffled my hair until it was a mess.

 

“If you don’t know how to argue with him, come and ask me. I’m very good at winning arguments.”

 

P’Aen and I weren’t especially close. To him, I was like one of the children in the household he was kind to. Many times, he’d offered advice that helped me see things differently, and my worries had eased.

 

Maybe I should ask P’Aen about my debt. And about P’Aing’s behaviour, too. To be honest, I didn’t know how to handle it. We weren’t together, but we still saw each other often. It was unavoidable. I just wanted to be stronger when I had to face him.

 

“P’Aen… Could I talk to you about my debt?”

 

“Debt? Do you owe me money, Pei?”

 

“After my dad stole the jewellery, P’Aing forgave two million baht. I had to work for three years to pay off the other three million, and I’m not allowed to quit before then.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“And then there was another five hundred thousand from the car accident. So that makes three and a half million…”

 

“And?”

 

“P’Aing and I have broken up. But because of the debt, I still have to see him a lot. I’m trying to get over him… It hurts when I see him with his new boyfriend.”

 

“Aing’s new boyfriend? Is it the one who…”

 

“His name’s Milan. He’s an actor. He’s really cute, and I’m a fan too.”

 

P’Aen gave me a surprised look.

 

“You’re a fan of the person who’s now Aing’s boyfriend?”

 

“I just wanted to know who he was, and somehow I ended up getting really down about it. Heh. He really is cute, P’Aen. The fan group is even organising a charity donation in Milan’s name.”

 

“Come here. Let’s leave the food for now. I’ll make you some cocoa instead. Something sweet might make you feel better.”

 

“Hic… I’m trying to get over him, but… but I just… waaah!”

 

“Go on and cry if it helps. It’s normal to cry when you’re sad. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

 

I told P’Aen everything. Maybe it was because he was a psychiatrist that I felt he understood what I was going through. I was confused and couldn’t find an answer, but telling him about it made me feel better.

 

“Thank you, P’Aen.”

 

“As a doctor, I’d tell you to let go of the past, go out more and get away from places that make you feel bad. But you’re not my patient, so I’ll give you some advice as your older brother instead. I won’t interfere in things between you and Aing. I told you from the beginning that you’re grown up and can make your own decisions. But putting Aing aside for a moment, my little brother has a debt of three and a half million baht… I can lend it to you.”

 

“P-P’Aen…”

 

“If you want to be free of it, I’ll help. But I don’t approve of your plan to open a cabbage farm. You don’t own any land, so it’d take a lot of investment. And you’d have to deal with pests as well. I think your plan to open a farm and raise men should be put on hold for now. As for work, if you don’t want to stay here, I can find you somewhere else. There’s a place looking for a receptionist. Think of it as a chance to get away from the same surroundings and see something new. How does that sound?”

 

“Where?”

 

“Shofa.”

 

“What? Shofa, across the road from us?”

 

“Mm. Don’t go looking for work too far away just yet. You’re not a confident driver. It’s better to walk across the road to work. That’s all I can do for you. Think about it. I promise Aing won’t find out.”

 

“Thank you, P’Aen…”

 

“And what about your flat? I could move you to another one if there were any available, but we’ve sold them all and the development’s closed.”

 

I was completely bewildered. P’Aen had suddenly offered to help me get over P’Aing, and he talked as if it were all perfectly ordinary. He could sort everything out, lend me money and even find me another job.

 

“I think I’m troubling you too much, P’Aen.”

 

“I’m the tycoon Achi Araya. If you’re no longer under Aing’s care, you’ll be under mine. You’re one of the Araya family; you’re not on your own. If you get bored, you can always go back to the main house and see Aunt Sri and Aunt Phon. That’s your home too.”

 

“Hic… Thank you, P’Aen.”

 

“So you’re not moving flats yet?”

 

“It’s all right. I can manage here.”

 

“You can manage, but I wonder if someone else can.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Nothing. I’ll take you to apply at Shofa. I’ll get a cheque ready for the three and a half million.”

 

“How am I supposed to pay you back? If I’m not working for Araya any more, I won’t earn enough.”

 

“We’ll work that out later. Right, time to eat.”

 

“Where are you, Pei?”

 

I’d just got back to my room. When I checked my phone, I saw more than fifty missed calls. Then P’Aing called again.

 

“I’m back in my room.”

 

“Why didn’t you call me?”

 

“I didn’t want to bother you… I had a headache, so I went straight to bed when I got in.”

 

“Sigh. Are you feeling better?”

 

“Yes… I’m about to go back to sleep.”

 

“I’ll come over—”

 

“I have to go, P’Aing. I’m sleepy. Goodbye.”

 

*Sigh. What am I doing?* I was avoiding P’Aing again, even though we’d managed to talk yesterday. But sleeping with him when we didn’t have a proper relationship had left me feeling empty. It couldn’t happen again… I was so pathetic, behaving like this.

 

“What? Are you quitting? You won four thousand in the lottery, and now you’re quitting, Pei?”

 

Pong looked disappointed as he took back the fried pork he’d just shared with me. Honestly, the other day he’d said he wasn’t eating pork.

 

“I… I’m just going to apply for another job. It’s closer to home.”

 

“Is Araya really that far from your place? You can get a motorbike taxi for ten or twenty baht. You could even walk. If you wanted somewhere closer… Don’t tell me you’re going to work at the supermarket under your flat. How lazy are you, Pei?”

 

“That’s not it! I’m applying at Shofa… Don’t be angry with me, Pong. Here, I’ll share my cabbage stir-fry with you.”

 

“The cabbage is going extinct because of you. But I’ll allow it. It is close. Still, you can see Shofa from the front of Araya. Why are you looking for work in the same neighbourhood?”

 

“Well… you know.”

 

“Fine, fine. I won’t ask. When are you leaving?”

 

“I’ll wait until I’ve had the interview. I might not move jobs at all.”

 

Pong pulled an annoyed face again. He was sulking because I was going to leave him. I spent three days making it up to him, but he only forgave me because I promised to treat him to barbecue at Green Dragon.

 

“If you want cabbage, just say so. I can see your stomach every time you open your mouth, Pei. See you after work.”

 

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d get the job at Shofa. I didn’t dare hope P’Aen would really give me the cheque, either. But I did want to put an end to the uncertainty between P’Aing and me. Properly end it. No more. We wouldn’t be involved with each other any more. We could still see each other and talk, but nothing beyond that. I didn’t want anything more.

 

Sometimes, uncertainty is the clearest answer… P’Aing and I were better off going our separate ways.

 

“I’m here to see Mr Achitphon.”

 

“Milan… Could I see your ID, please?”

 

Milan took off his sunglasses and frowned at me. Then his lovely eyes widened, and his cheeks turned red.

 

“It’s… it’s you.”

 

When Milan blushed, I felt myself going shy for no reason. If an actor you really admire blushed and smiled bashfully at you, surely you’d react the same way I did. I was so embarrassed!

 

“Y-you know me?”

 

“Well… that night… Oh, what am I saying? Just hurry up and show me your ID.”

 

“Right. I’ll call Mr Achitphon’s secretary first. Hello, Khun Ta? Milan is here to see Mr Achitphon. Does he have an appointment? All right.”

 

I exchanged his ID for a visitor’s pass, then gestured towards the lifts as I usually did. But Milan didn’t move. He pressed his lips together, his cheeks still red.

 

“What was your name?”

 

“Pei… Paopaey.”

 

I answered, my face burning. I’d talked to Milan for several whole sentences! The people in the fan group would scream if they knew. But I couldn’t tell them. They might connect the dots and think Milan was dating P’Aing, which could cause trouble for both of them.

 

“S-so… Are you going to ask for an autograph again today?”

 

“Could I have a photo with you instead?”

 

I’d die happy! I put a sticker over my face, blurred my name badge and sent the photo to the fan group. I was a devoted fan, but I didn’t talk much about myself. I’d started out as an anti-fan, following him around and digging into his life, and somehow ended up becoming a genuine fan.

 

Milan didn’t stay upstairs for long. About half an hour later, he came back down to return his visitor’s pass. I guessed P’Aing must have been busy with work and hadn’t been able to go out with him.

 

“So, what are you to P’Aing?”

 

“Sorry? W-we’re nothing.”

 

“But I saw you and P’Aing in the condo lobby that night. You shook him off and kissed me.”

 

“What?!”

 

*Shit. Which night was that? The night I was drunk? It must have been. I always teleport when I’m drunk. Milan came to see P’Aing that night? So he saw me too? Oh no!*

 

“I… I wasn’t trying to steal P’Aing from you. I was just drunk. Please don’t get the wrong idea.”

 

“Then why do you seem so close?”

 

“I’m the gardener at the tycoon’s house. I grew up in the Araya household, so I’ve always called P’Aen and P’Aing that. At work, I use their proper names. There’s… there’s nothing between us.”

 

“Don’t you like P’Aing?”