In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 8 — Adulterer

“Pei, watch where you’re going.”

 

“Mm… Pei’s fineee. I want another one…”

 

“You’re not fine. Hold on to my waist first, all right?”

 

“Mmm…”

 

I was fine. The floor was just tilting, and I was worried I’d fall, so I held on to P’Aing’s waist as he told me to. We got back into the car together, and P’Aing started chatting to me.

 

“Has Lom tried to contact you again?”

 

“Nooo. Pei’s got no money. I blocked him alreadyyy.”

 

“Does your friend Pong have a girlfriend?”

 

“Dunno. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. I never askeeed.”

 

“What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

 

“Nope. Pei’s singleee. I’m in my casual-fling era. I’ve got a hundred flings, hehe… They’re all handsome and hot! Much more handsome than P’Aing. So delicious. Young men are delicious. Pei likes themmm.”

 

“Are they more delicious than me?”

 

“Much more. P’Aing’s old. Hee hee.”

 

“You cheeky little brat. You can barely stand up. How are you going to manage a hundred flings?”

 

“Pei cuddles a different man every night. I can choose. Pei’s really richhhh. When I’m sixty, I’ll buy a man to cuddle every night. If P’Aing wants a cuddle, he’ll have to wait until I call him. No invitation, no cuddles. Pei gets to choose. I choose.”

 

“How long will I have to wait?”

 

“Uh… I dunno.”

 

What was P’Aing saying? Why did he look so handsome…? I must be drunk. Why couldn’t I hear my own voice properly? All I could see was P’Aing smiling. He had such a lovely smile.

 

“Could it be tonight? Since you don’t have anyone to cuddle tonight.”

 

“Oh… I suppose so.”

 

I really wanted to kiss P’Aing.

 

“Hold on to my waist first, Pei. We haven’t reached the room yet.”

 

“Mm, I am holding on.”

 

Were we home already? But my home was in that building over there. Why had P’Aing brought me to this one? Had I moved back in with him? That must be it. Otherwise, how could I have gone out to dinner with him?

 

“P’Aing, Pei wants a kiss. Kiss, kiss, kiss.”

 

“Don’t molest me yet, Pei. You’re drunk. You always do this when you’re drunk.”

 

“Don’t you love Pei any more? I want a kiss…”

 

“Honestly, you little cabbage.”

 

P’Aing finally bent down and gave me one quick peck. It wasn’t quite the same as a proper kiss, but never mind. The lovely scent of wine on his lips made me happy enough.

 

“P’Aing…”

 

“Milan? What are you doing here?”

 

I turned around and saw a really handsome man. Milan… It really was Milan! He had a new hairstyle and was wearing the silver outfit he’d worn to an event today. I knew because I was a fan. The group had been posting pictures of Milan, and I’d watched his event livestream while doing the washing. Milan was so cute…

 

“I just stopped by to see—”

 

“Is this really Milan?”

 

He furrowed his brow, probably wondering how I knew him. That was true. I was only a fan. Why would he know me? But I was so happy. I’d got to see him in person again. I was thrilled!

 

“Pei, stand up straight.”

 

“P’Aing, Pei likes Milan!”

 

“Huh?” they both said.

 

I pushed P’Aing away and walked over to Milan. Milan’s lips were so small… They looked so soft and juicy. Was he wearing lip gloss?

 

“Pei, come here.”

 

“Hey! Why are you grabbing me?”

 

Milan, don’t brush Pei’s hand away. Pei only wants to kiss you.

 

“Pei wants to kiss Milan.”

 

“Pei. I told you to come here.”

 

Why was P’Aing interfering? This had nothing to do with him.

 

“Don’t order Pei around. You’re only my fling, P’Aing. You don’t get a say! Milan, let Pei kiss youuu!”

 

“Don’t—Mm…”

 

Milan’s lips tasted like strawberries… So delicious. His eyelashes were long, too. Then Milan’s face began to move farther and farther away because P’Aing had pulled me back into his arms. P’Aing smelled of wine, and Milan smelled of lipstick. I couldn’t choose!

 

“Milan, go home for now. I need to deal with Pei.”

 

“P’Aing, don’t tell my Milan to go! You should leave! Pei loves Milan! I’m Milan’s fan! If anyone says anything bad about him, Pei goes after them in every comment!”

 

“Pei, let me hold you first.”

 

“But…”

 

“Don’t you love me any more? Don’t you want to cuddle?”

 

P’Aing, don’t use that soft voice. Pei will give in. I’m choosing Milan right now, not P’Aing. This is cutting in line… But I want to cuddle P’Aing too. He can cut in for a little while.

 

“Mmm… Fine. Pei loves P’Aing too.”

 

“Hold on to me. I’m not letting go.”

 

“Are you going to be the one to push Pei away first?”

 

P’Aing’s perfume smelled so good. My precious golden cabbage looked delicious.

 

“No. Why would I do that? Don’t let go. I’ll take you to eat some cabbage.”

 

“Mm… Pei likes cabbage.”

 

“Milan, go home for now. I don’t like you waiting around for me like this. Don’t do it again.”

 

“P’Aing, I’m sorry, but I—”

 

“Milan. Not now.”

 

“Y-yes. I’m sorry. I’ll get going, then.”

 

“Did P’Aing tell Milan off? Don’t be mean to him. He’s cute. He’ll be sad.”

 

I looked up at P’Aing, but he gently pressed my face back against his chest.

 

“Cuddle me first. Don’t worry about anyone else right now.”

 

“Mmm. I’m cuddling you so tightly I’m going to merge with you. Can Pei eat cabbage now?”

 

P’Aing started moving. He said a lot of things, but my head was spinning. I asked where Milan was, and P’Aing said he’d gone home. Milan didn’t like me getting involved with him.

 

“Why not? Hic… Why does nobody love Pei? Huuuuh. Dad left me, Mum left me, P’Aing left me, and now Milan’s left me too. Is there nothing good about Pei? I don’t want to be here any more. I want to die. I want to go and live with my cabbage. I don’t want to live with any other vegetables.”

 

“No one’s left you, Pei. I’m right here with you.”

 

“P’Aing loves Milan. P’Aing doesn’t love Pei. Huuuuh. P’Aing won’t let Pei stay with him. He sent Pei away over there. P’Aing’s bored of Pei because I eat too much cabbage, isn’t he? P’Aing likes other vegetables. P’Aing is a cabbage snob!”

 

“Stay still, Pei. I’m going to wipe your face.”

 

“Pei doesn’t love P’Aing any more. I’ve got over you. I’m a new person now. I’ll have a hundred flings. I’ll use my money to buy men. I’ll have flings who are more handsome, hotter and more delicious than P’Aing. I’ll never come back to you. You’re only Pei’s fling.”

 

“Mm. I know. Take your antihistamine first.”

 

“P’Aing… Huuuuh.”

 

I was upset about so many things. Why didn’t anyone love me? I hadn’t cried when my parents left, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. I was in so much pain. Why hadn’t they taken me with them? Was I a burden?

 

Then I came to live with P’Aing, and he left me too, even though I loved him so much. And now Milan didn’t like me either. I was his fan! Wasn’t he supposed to love his fans?

 

“Pei wants someone to love him. I don’t want to be left behind any more.”

 

“Come back to P’Aing, Pei. Don’t you want to live with me again?”

 

“I do… but… I’ve got over you. I don’t want to be hurt again. I’ve forgotten you, P’Aing… I don’t think I can come back. One day you might get bored and run away again. Pei gets hurt too, you know. I’m a person, not a robot. I never knew which day you’d come home, or which night you’d stay out with someone else, or where you’d be. I knew nothing… Please don’t be kind to Pei. It took so much to get by. P’Aing… I’m used to living without you now.”

 

“Pei…”

 

“P’Aing is kind. You were never cruel to Pei… but I don’t want to live with you any more. I’m better off with my cabbage. Cabbage has never left me. I’m going to open a cabbage farm. You stay here and take care of yourself, P’Aing. Eat plenty, and find someone else to do your washing. Once I’ve paid off my debt, I’m leaving. I’ll run away to the farm and cuddle a man there. I’ll love someone who’ll eat cabbage with me. I’ll have a hundred acres and get richer than Araya. I’ll be a millionaire and keep a hundred men.”

 

You smell so good.

 

“Can I be your cabbage man tonight, Pei? Please?”

 

“Mm… You can cuddle me first. P’Aing is Pei’s golden cabbage.”

 

P’Aing’s low laughter sounded beside my ear. I’d only just realised we were on his bed. The room smelled lovely, like fabric softener… I liked it.

 

“P’Aing, what fabric softener do you use? It smells so good. Pei likes it.”

 

“If you like it, come and sleep here.”

 

“If Pei sleeps here, who’ll sleep with Isshy?”

 

Isshy was my scruffy lion doll. I shouldn’t have given him a name from my family.

 

“Bring Isshy back with you.”

 

“I can’t. Pei has his own home now. If P’Aing wants to sleep with Pei, you have to come to my house. When I get bored, I’ll kick you out too.”

 

My clothes came off, one item at a time. Why was it so cold? P’Aing’s room was chilly. Before I could complain, he leaned down and kissed me. His large hands moved over my body… I was starting to feel warm.

 

“Then I’ll come and sleep at your place. But I’m hard to get rid of. You’ll have your work cut out for you.”

 

P’Aing nipped my ear. Heat spread through my body as if there were a fire burning inside me. In the dim light, his face was blurred, and I couldn’t see him clearly. He kept his head lowered, busy kissing and caressing me.

 

“Mm… P’Aing…”

 

“So that’s a yes, then…”

 

P’Aing’s embrace made me lose myself. My body moved at his direction, and my moans rang through the room, mingling with his low, lion-like growls. I was nothing but prey, unable to do anything except cry out.

 

“Pei belongs to me…”

 

“No, Pei doesn’t… P’Aing, harder.”

 

He spread my legs wide and lifted them onto his shoulders. It was so deep in this position. P’Aing straightened, bracing one hand against the wall so that my bottom rose off the bed. His other hand supported me, kneading my flesh as though it were soft dough.

 

“Then I’ll belong to Pei instead.”

 

“Pei gets to choose, ah…”

 

“I know… Good boy… Tighten around me a little more. Just like that.”

 

“P’Aing is only a fling. You’re Pei’s second husband.”

 

“Then… I’ll have to work hard to please Pei. I’ll make you forget your first husband completely.”

 

P’Aing was fierce. He was being rough again. But I liked it when P’Aing was rough in bed. He wasn’t gentle at all… It was unbearably exciting. My number-one fling was so good at this.

 

Smack!

 

“Hic… P’Aing, don’t smack me.”

 

“Naughty boys need a smack.”

 

He turned me face down on the bed. I raised my knees and arched my bottom for him. P’Aing was forceful when he was drunk. I was drunk too, and my head was spinning, but it felt so good when he smacked me. I didn’t know why I liked it.

 

His strong fingers pressed and circled around my backside. The wet sounds embarrassed me. P’Aing had left everything inside me, making an awful mess.

 

“One more round, Pei.”

 

“N-no… No more.”

 

Smack!

 

“Ahh…”

 

“You chose me tonight, so let me take good care of you.”

 

Then P’Aing began moving inside me again. He squeezed me, smacked me and bit me until everything hurt. P’Aing had turned into a lion. He bit my lips until I tasted blood. He bit my nipples until they ached, then rubbed them with his fingers again.

 

“Even ten Milans couldn’t compete with P’Aing, Pei. And that young fellow from the gold shop can forget it too.”

 

I had no idea what P’Aing was talking about. I wanted to ask, but I never got the chance, because he turned me over and sat me astride his lap. For the final round, P’Aing let me take control of the game myself.

 

“My good little Pei.”

 

His whisper and his wine-flavoured kiss were the last things I remembered.

 

P’Aing was a lion.

 

Ever since the time I’d gone to wake P’Aing and he’d bitten my lip, he’d kept doing it. It wasn’t only when he was drunk, either. I was so confused. Wasn’t kissing enough? Why did he have to bite me everywhere?

 

Back then, I truly didn’t understand what P’Aing wanted from me. But he was the only steady thing in my life, so I didn’t dare go against him. If he wanted to kiss me, I let him. If he wanted to hold me, I let him.

 

On Saturdays, after I’d finished the housework, P’Aing liked to pick me up and sit me on his lap on the sofa. We would watch television series together, and then he would kiss me. He kissed me until my lips were swollen and my head was spinning. But later it wasn’t just kissing. P’Aing’s hands began wandering all over my body.

 

It felt strange, but I didn’t dislike him touching me. P’Aing spoke so sweetly. He was kind… and I found myself falling for that kindness.

 

One day, when I returned from buying some plants, I found P’Aing at the mansion. He hardly ever came back to the main house on weekdays, so I was surprised to see him. His eyes seemed to have fire burning inside them, as though he could see straight through my clothes.

 

“Why are your shorts so short?”

 

“They’re old shorts. I’ve had them for ages.”

 

I’d been wearing those shorts since lower secondary school. I’d grown taller since then, so they now sat farther above my knees. But they weren’t indecently short. My legs were thin, and the shorts weren’t tight, so I’d kept them to wear around the house.

 

P’Aing put an arm around my waist and led me upstairs. He didn’t say a word, which made me uneasy. I was frightened, though I didn’t know what would happen. Then the door to P’Aing’s bedroom closed.

 

P’Aing slipped his hand into my shorts and squeezed my bottom.

 

“See? They’re too short.”

 

“P’Aing, wh-what are you going to do?”

 

“Give me a kiss.”

 

P’Aing kissed me as he always did, but this time it was different. He tugged at my T-shirt until it tore, then lifted me onto his bed.

 

“P’Aing, don’t. Pei’s scared.”

 

“Pei… trust me, all right?”

 

And then P’Aing took me. It hurt terribly when he entered me. I’d never done it before. It was my first time. Even though I’d prepared myself mentally, I hadn’t imagined it would hurt so much. The pleasure was almost equal to the pain, though. All I could do was lie there crying until my tears dried up and turned into moans. My legs had gone completely numb.

 

Amid the pain… it felt good. Good in a way I couldn’t put into words.

 

“Good boy.”

 

P’Aing smiled and kissed me after leaving me feeling utterly emptied out. He lay holding me even though I was a mess. But those two rounds had exhausted me, and I fell asleep in his arms.

 

When I woke again, it was the middle of the night. P’Aing carried me downstairs to eat. Auntie Sri and Auntie Phon had already gone to bed, but there was untouched food on the table. I couldn’t sit on a kitchen chair because everything hurt, so P’Aing sat me on his lap instead.

 

I had so little strength left that he had to feed me. I cried while I ate. I knew that what we’d just done meant I now belonged to P’Aing. He had devoured me. Twice, at that.

 

“Shh… Don’t cry. Nothing bad has happened.”

 

“Pei doesn’t know… Waaah…”

 

“Pei is so adorable.”

 

“Pei is adorable?”

 

No one had ever told me I was adorable. Not Dad, not Mum. P’Aing was the first.

 

“Mm… Come and live with me. Would you like that? Let me look after you… Will you? We can be a family, you and me.”

 

It was as though he knew that a family was what I lacked. I had nothing at all in my life, and here was P’Aing holding out his hand to me. Why wouldn’t I take it?

 

“P’Aing, please don’t abandon Pei.”

 

“I won’t… Unless you’re the one who leaves me.”

 

And four years later, he abandoned me.

 

What family? P’Aing had lied.