In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 5: What?

“Pei, my friend said the director really liked you. Are you interested in taking another job? Apparently, this director hardly ever pays attention to newcomers. That’s what my friend said, anyway.”

 

Pong leaned towards me and whispered conspiratorially as we had lunch together. He really didn’t seem interested in making friends with anyone in his own department. As for me, I worked in Public Relations, although I still wasn’t entirely sure whether my role fell under Marketing or Human Resources. The Araya Group was currently undergoing a company restructuring. Departments were being reorganised, job titles were changing, and all sorts of things were happening.

 

I didn’t really understand any of it. After all, my desk wasn’t even in the same area as the other people in my department.

 

“Really? Seriously? Am I about to become famous?”

 

“Yeah! You’re already showing potential. You’ll be able to pay off your debt much faster. Congratulations in advance!”

 

Pong really was a good friend. I looked at him with genuine gratitude before reluctantly deciding to share half of my fried mackerel with him. I’d brought fried mackerel for lunch today. I’d bought it from the local market. I’d learnt how to shop at markets now, you know!

 

Everything was so much cheaper than the supermarket near my condo, and it wasn’t even that far away. Even cabbage was cheaper.

 

“So, what role do they want me to play?”

 

“Actually, it’s not an acting role. It’s a television programme where ordinary people can enter a competition. It’s a really famous show.”

 

“Wow! That’s exciting! Do you think I’ll win?”

 

“Just concentrate on being funny. That way, you’ll get more screen time. Variety shows love entertaining people.”

 

“Right, right! I can do that!”

 

Who would have thought my life would suddenly take such an unexpected turn?

 

I was going to be on television!

 

“You’ll take the job, then? I’ll tell my friend. The fee’s only three thousand five hundred baht, though. Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, absolutely! Thanks, mate.”

 

“No problem. And take your mackerel back. It’s got too many fucking bones.”

 

PONG, YOU FUCKING BASTAAAAAARD!

 

WHAT KIND OF PROGRAMME HAVE YOU GOT ME ONNNNN?!

 

I’d specifically asked him what sort of programme it was and whether I needed to prepare anything. He’d said there was no need. The costume department would take care of everything when I arrived. Naturally, I’d been delighted. Someone was going to dress me up and make me look handsome!

 

Except… No. They dressed me up as a ghost. I was wearing a black hooded costume that left only my face visible. They’d painted my face completely white and drawn dark circles around my eyes. I looked like some sort of familiar ghost character, but I couldn’t remember its name.

 

“Right, sweetheart. Do this pose for us.”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

The programme really was famous, though. Even I knew it. It was one of those shows where singers had to choose contestants to duet with, trying to work out who could actually sing beautifully and who was completely tone-deaf. And today’s theme was ghosts!

 

I wasn’t going to get to show off my Cute Boy looks at all!

 

Waaaaah!

 

Still, it was fine. They were paying me three thousand five hundred baht, after all. And just like my previous job, I’d arrived first thing in the morning but didn’t get to film until almost evening.

 

“Contestant number seven, please introduce yourself!”

 

“Boo! Boo! Boo! RAAAAH!”

 

That was in the script, by the way. Not only was I unable to show my face, I also couldn’t even demonstrate my natural sense of humour as Pong had suggested. How the fuck was I supposed to survive in the variety-show industry like this?

 

I was consoling myself with the thought that at least I’d be going home soon, could get some rest, and would still receive the same fee. But then, against all expectations, they kept me in the competition until the final round. Perhaps it was because of the short introductory video they’d filmed of me boiling cabbage in my apartment. My completely bare, make-up-free Cute Boy face must have appealed to the judges, because they decided to keep me.

 

“His condo is sooooo luxurious! He’s definitely from a wealthy family. Keep him! I’m single, you know!”

 

Yes. Somehow, I was the contestant who’d been chosen to sing with the guest performers. There was just one small problem. I was completely tone-deaf. During the break before filming resumed, I hurriedly called Pong to ask how I should perform so I’d get plenty of attention.

 

Pong told me to sing as though I were reading aloud from a book, but act like I was a proper rock star. Oh, I forgot to mention. Today’s guest performers were a rock band.

 

“I’m embarrassed!”

 

“They’ve covered your face up that much, and you’re still embarrassed? I couldn’t even recognise you from the picture you sent me!”

 

“What should I do, Pong?”

 

“Just go for it! Give it everything you’ve got. You never know, you might become famous.”

 

I still wasn’t entirely sure how singing terribly was supposed to make me famous. But when the time came, I threw myself into the performance. I shook my legs along with the lead singer, copied his movements and furrowed my brows, absolutely convinced that I looked just as cool as he did. And then it was my turn to sing. The entire studio burst into laughter.

 

“Excuse me, aren’t you the young man who was on television last night? You were absolutely hilarious!”

 

My reception desk was much livelier than usual. A month after we’d filmed the programme, it had finally aired. After my singing performance, the hosts had asked what I actually did for a living. Naturally, I’d told them the truth. I worked in Public Relations at Araya Group’s headquarters.

 

Walk through the front entrance, and I’d be the first person you’d meet!

 

Looking to buy a house?

 

Looking for a condominium?

 

Araya is your choice!

 

I knew the company’s slogan by heart because P’Erng had practically drilled it into my brain for years. I’d even received compliments from both Human Resources and Marketing for doing such a good job promoting the company. And as it happened, Araya was preparing for the grand opening of a new development. I was so fucking proud of myself!

 

I’d never imagined that appearing on a television programme for 3,500 baht could bring the company so much publicity. But who could have guessed I’d be funny enough to become a trending topic?

 

All I’d done was shake my head until my hood fell off and kick my foot so hard that my shoe went flying. That was all!

 

Another lucky coincidence was that the rock band appearing on the programme happened to be Araya’s brand ambassadors that year. Which meant the company had received completely free publicity on national television.

 

“The executives would like to give you a reward. It’s also a way of encouraging employees who bring positive attention to the company. This afternoon, come up to Khun Achitphon’s office on the executive floor. We’ll go in together.”

 

Erm… Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling quite so proud of myself any more. It was the first time I’d ever seen P’Erng at work. Not once had I considered coming up here to see him. He was dressed in a suit, with a shirt, grey trousers and black leather shoes. His sharp eyes swept over me from head to toe before he turned his attention to the heads of Marketing and Human Resources instead.

 

“So, regarding the restructuring, which department have we decided Public Relations will belong to?”

 

“We’re still discussing it, sir. Since this particular position doesn’t involve communicating with people outside the organisation, it doesn’t really fall under Marketing. But Human Resources doesn’t have any responsibilities directly related to Public Relations either.”

 

“Haah… Could we transfer the position to the Executive Office?”

 

“Hmm… Yes, that would be possible. It would mean the position reports directly to management. Since the role doesn’t really work with either department anyway, that would make sense.”

 

“Let’s do that, then. Welcome to the Executive Office.”

 

And just like that, everyone finished their discussion. Meanwhile, my eyes had grown as wide as goose eggs. I had to transfer to P’Erng’s department?

 

P’Erng had been speaking so formally, but I could see a suspicious sparkle in his eyes. We took some photographs of the presentation ceremony, with P’Erng handing me a small fruit hamper and an envelope containing a cash reward. The fruit hamper contained nothing but my favourite fruits. …Probably just a coincidence. Surely he hadn’t gone to the trouble of choosing them himself.

 

He must have asked his secretary to buy them.

 

“Don’t forget to attend next week’s departmental dinner. Khun Ta, please arrange everything for me.”

 

Khun Ta was P’Erng’s secretary. But hang on a minute. A departmental dinner?

 

“Paopei hasn’t been working here very long, and with the restructuring going on, he probably hasn’t heard about it yet. Our company regularly organises activities for employees. Each department has a meal together once a month to build good relationships. We’ve been doing it every year. This time, you’ll be joining Khun Erng’s department, Pei. You’re lucky! I heard from Khun Ta that Khun Erng always takes everyone somewhere with delicious food.”

 

My soul had already left my body. I’d worked so hard to avoid P’Erng. I’d stopped going out onto my balcony. I’d been trying desperately to get over him. And now I’d been transferred into his fucking department!

 

WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!

 

Why was someone working in Public Relations being placed in the same department as the executives?

 

PEI HAS A HEADACHEEEEE!

 

But with so many people standing around, all I could do was smile politely and carry my fruit hamper back to my desk. The head of Human Resources had told me I’d receive a three-thousand-baht reward. But when I opened the envelope…

 

WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

Ten thousand!

 

Hang on. Surely Human Resources hadn’t made a mistake?

 

They’d specifically told me that company policy was to award employees who brought positive recognition to the company three thousand baht and a fruit hamper. So had P’Erng put extra money in the envelope?

 

Why?

 

Should I give it back?

 

I didn’t want his money!

 

I took 3,000 baht out of the envelope and decided to return the remaining 7,000 to P’Erng. But I couldn’t ask someone else to deliver it. They might start wondering why P’Erng had given me extra money. I was wondering the same thing, but I didn’t want to know the answer any more. I was supposed to be getting over him!

 

Maybe I could secretly leave the envelope on his car windscreen. With that idea in mind, I waited until nobody was around and slipped down to the car park. P’Erng’s ridiculously expensive sports car was parked in the executive parking area. I carefully placed the envelope against the windscreen. But… Would the money disappear?

 

Seven thousand baht was an enormous amount for someone like me, whose monthly salary was only fifteen thousand. What if the envelope blew away?

 

Or what if someone thought an employee had left a complaint letter on P’Erng’s car, picked it up to throw it away, discovered the money inside and stole it?

 

“Pei, what are you doing?”

 

P’Erng’s voice startled me so badly that I immediately stepped backwards from his car. Unfortunately, my head collided with one of the pillars supporting the car park roof.

 

“Ow!”

 

“What are you getting up to now?”

 

“Pei wasn’t doing anything!”

 

His long legs carried him straight towards me. He gently moved my head from side to side, checking where I’d hit it, before telling me it was fine and there wasn’t any swelling. But I wasn’t paying attention to my head at all. Time seemed to have stopped the moment P’Erng came close. The familiar scent of his perfume was making my heart race again.

 

“I haven’t had a chance to ask you yet. How did you end up appearing on that programme?”

 

“Well, Pei thought that if he became a famous actor, he’d get rich.”

 

“You want to be rich?”

 

“Pei wants to earn enough money to pay back P’Erng as quickly as possible… It’s three million baht. Pei feels bad about owing you so much.”

 

“Debt?”

 

I looked up at P’Erng. He was frowning deeply. Taking advantage of his confusion, I quickly shoved the envelope into his hand and tried to walk away. But P’Erng caught hold of me and pulled me straight back. He looked thoroughly annoyed.

 

Without even saying anything, he practically bundled me into his car.

 

“P’Erng, Pei hasn’t finished work yet. I’ll get into trouble if I leave…”

 

P’Erng looked extremely displeased, but after letting out a heavy sigh, he nodded.

 

“We’ll talk after work, all right? When you finish, come and see me in my office.”

 

“Pei already has plans.”

 

“With whom? That man from Marketing?”

 

“Yes.”

 

I didn’t actually have any plans with Pong. But I couldn’t think of anyone else’s name. I didn’t want to go anywhere with P’Erng. I was afraid that if things between us remained so unclear, I’d never manage to get over him. Then I’d end up heartbroken all over again.

 

I was trying, you know. I was trying so fucking hard.

 

“Do you like him?”

 

“Well… Pong’s a nice person. He’s a good friend—”

 

“Hello, Khun Ta? Find someone to cover Pei’s desk for him. I’m taking him out.”

 

“P’Erng, but…”

 

P’Erng turned a stern glare on me. I’d never really experienced P’Erng being angry with me before. Sometimes he became irritated, but it never lasted long. Before I knew it, he’d be back to treating me kindly, just as he always had. The only times P’Erng ever became stern were when he wanted something and didn’t get his way.

 

And in the past, I’d always given him everything he wanted. But now P’Erng was genuinely angry. It made my heart sink. I didn’t dare say another word. He kept grinding his teeth throughout the journey, and to make matters worse, he was driving frighteningly fast, weaving between other cars.

 

“P’Erng… where are we going?”

 

“Why? Are you not allowed to go anywhere with me these days?”

 

“It’s not like that. Pei was only asking.”

 

“We’re going out for a meal. That Japanese restaurant you like has a special menu that’s only available today.”

 

You see, I loved salmon almost as much as I loved cabbage. But salmon was expensive, so I couldn’t eat it very often. The first time I’d ever tried it was when I went to clean P’Erng’s apartment. That delicious orange fish!

 

If you’ve forgotten, go back and read the earlier chapters!

 

I couldn’t keep up with P’Erng’s moods at all. He was angry. He was annoyed. And all because he wanted to take me out to dinner?

 

I was just as confused as I was about owing him money, even though he’d bought me a condo and a car. Although, thinking about it again, perhaps he was simply angry because he was hungry. This Japanese restaurant was one of P’Erng’s favourites, so he’d brought me here regularly in the past. It had private dining rooms and prices that could practically make your ears bleed. But the food really was delicious.

 

“Good afternoon, Khun Achitphon, Khun Pancheewa. Please come this way.”

 

Pancheewa was my real name. Not only had my parents given me the wonderfully modern nickname Paopei, but they’d also expressed their love for me through my proper name, Pancheewa. Although both of them had disappeared from my life several years ago. I had no intention of searching for my parents either. I wouldn’t even know where to start looking.

 

I was perfectly fine living the way I did now. If they ever wanted to come back, I supposed they would. I’d visited this restaurant so many times that the staff remembered my name. That was because P’Erng was an extremely important VIP customer. And as his companion, I’d received the benefits of their exceptional service too.

 

“Would you like your usual order, Khun Pancheewa?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

I’d eaten here so often that they remembered I always ordered the salmon steak set. P’Erng, on the other hand, ordered whatever he fancied at the time. Once we’d finished ordering, I suddenly felt like a suspect being interrogated. P’Erng was playing the role of the police officer. He rested his elbows on the table, clasped his hands beneath his chin and stared at me with a thoughtful but irritated expression.

 

Was he still annoyed?

 

The food would be here soon. Couldn’t he stop being angry for a little while?

 

“How have you been, Pei?”

 

“Pei… Pei’s been well, thank you.”

 

“That’s right… You seem to be doing well.”

 

“And P’Erng? How have you been?”

 

“Same as always. Busy as usual.”

 

It felt like the first time we’d properly sat down and talked since separating. I didn’t hate P’Erng. Actually, I was happy to talk to him like this.

 

“And how far have things gone with that person?”

 

“Which person?”

 

“Pong? That’s his name, isn’t it?”

 

“There’s nothing going on. Pong just helped Pei find some extra work. We’re close because we started working at the company at the same time. He’s a good friend.”

 

P’Erng frowned and let out a low hum in his throat. Then, quite suddenly, his irritation disappeared. He became the familiar P’Erng again, with that smile and those eyes that always made my heart beat faster. I really couldn’t work him out. But I liked him.

 

Apparently, my type was a man whose moods changed as unpredictably as the wind.

 

“Why do you want to take on extra work? Isn’t your salary enough?”

 

“Pei wants to pay back P’Erng as quickly as possible. It’s three million baht! Pei feels guilty about owing you that much. Your contract says that if Pei works for the full three years, you’ll write off the debt. But you’d obviously be losing money! Even though Pei’s terrible at maths, someone even stupider than Pei could work that out.”

 

“So that’s why you went on television?”

 

“Yes… I got 3,500 baht for that. Before that, I worked as an extra selling lottery tickets. I had two lines and spent the whole day waiting to film, but I only got fifteen hundred baht. If you don’t have any lines, you only get a thousand. But Pong said that if Pei becomes famous, Pei might start earning enough money to pay off the debt quickly.”

 

“Sounds exhausting.”

 

“It’s sooooooooo exhausting! Pei really shouldn’t have been so lazy at university. P’Erng basically paid to send a buffalo to university! Pong earns over forty thousand baht a month. He’s really clever. Pei isn’t good at anything.”

 

I found myself pouring out all my complaints to P’Erng. The words just kept coming. I supposed it was because I felt so comfortable talking to this cheerful version of him. And P’Erng responded with a laugh.

 

“Then don’t take any more of those jobs. If they’re that exhausting and don’t pay much, what’s the point? You’ll end up not getting enough sleep and complaining again.”

 

“But Pei wants to work! Pei wants to be famous! Pei wants to have fans like Milan!”

 

SHIT!

 

WHY THE FUCK HAD I JUST SAID MILAN’S NAME?!

 

P’Erng froze. Then he narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously.

 

“You know Milan?”

 

“Well… he’s visited you before. Are you two dating? You don’t have to tell Pei. It’s your private business.”

 

“We’re not dating. Actually, since you moved out, I haven’t dated anyone at all… I suppose I’m heartbroken over you.”

 

The look in P’Erng’s eyes softened so much that I wanted to cry. P’Erng was a kind person. He was warm and caring. Otherwise, I would never have loved him this much. Throughout all the years we’d spent together, he’d never once been cruel to me.

 

He’d treated me better than my own father.

 

“I didn’t leave you, P’Erng… You’re the one who left me.”

 

“Pei, you’re the one who left me. But I think I’m finally starting to come to terms with it.”

 

Before I could ask him anything else, P’Erng’s phone rang. He stood up and went outside to take the call. Leaving me alone in the private dining room. With the enormous bomb he’d just dropped on me. I left P’Erng?

 

WHEN THE FUCK DID I LEAVE P’ERNG?!

 

THAT’S NOT TRUEEEEE!

 

P’Erng was the one who’d left me!

 

I’d cried for an entire month!

 

I loved P’Erng so much!

 

How could I possibly have abandoned him?

 

I’d taken care of him as though he were a golden cabbage!

 

I wouldn’t let a single mosquito bite him. I wouldn’t let a single fly land on him. I wouldn’t even let weeds grow around him!

 

I’d devoted my entire body and soul to him!

 

Hell, on Father’s Day, I’d even found some flowers, crawled towards him on my knees and given him a respectful wai!

 

AAAAARGH!

 

PEI IS STRESSED!