In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 3: Drunk

“What are you, some rich kid pretending to be poor? Your condo is fucking luxurious. When the suki delivery arrives, I’ll probably have to go downstairs and collect it myself. The woman in building management is strict as hell.”

 

The moment Pong arrived, he started complaining nonstop. He’d had to wait nearly twenty minutes for me to come downstairs and let him in because I’d fallen into such a deep sleep that I hadn’t heard him calling. I’d put my phone on silent. The management at P’Erng’s development was extremely strict, just as you’d expect from a high-end property.

 

“My dad won this condo in a lucky draw.”

 

“Seriously? What kind of fucking lucky draw gives away a ten-million-baht condo?”

 

“Ten million? For a room this size?”

 

“I’m starting to believe you really did win it. I came to look at this place with a friend when it was first built. Even the smallest units were eight million, and that was the promotional price. Once the promotion ended, they went up to ten million. Did you think condos in the middle of Bangkok were cheap? And your room looks bigger than the one I saw. It could easily be twelve million. It’s directly opposite Chofa Bank, too. Fuck, your dad’s got some serious luck.”

 

I practically floated over to the fridge to put the beer away. P’Erng had given me a twelve-million-baht condo?

 

After adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing everything, who exactly owed whom money here? Even if P’Erng had got this room for free, he’d still given away something worth twelve million baht!

 

Should I sell it and use the money to pay off my debt to P’Erng?

 

No, no. I’d definitely be murdered. My body would probably end up stuffed into a rubbish bin right outside the condo.

 

Although I was starting to think about selling the car P’Erng had bought me. Bangkok traffic was fucking horrendous. There was congestion right outside the building. These days, I took a motorcycle taxi to work for twenty baht. Besides, I wasn’t exactly a confident driver.

 

The car P’Erng had bought me was a little eco-car. Originally, he’d been planning to buy me a Honda Civic because I’d once said its rear lights were pretty. But after going for a test drive with me just once, he’d immediately gone off and bought an eco-car instead.

 

“That way, you won’t be able to drive too fast, and I won’t have to worry.”

 

My driving was apparently painful to watch. Usually, whenever we went anywhere, P’Erng drove. He rarely let me get behind the wheel.

 

Actually, he simply didn’t dare sit in the car with me. And where did I ever need to go apart from university? Once I started working, I hardly used the car at all.

 

Should I sell it? But I didn’t dare do that either. P’Erng would tell me off.

 

Had he paid for it outright, or was he still making instalments? If he was paying it off, I’d be completely fucked. He’d be making monthly payments while I’d already pocketed the money from selling it.

 

Right. The condo and the car could stay where they were for now. Too risky. Selling items like a television or a rice cooker might be easier.

 

“Why the fuck are you standing there stroking your rice cooker?”

 

“Do you want a rice cooker? I’m selling it.”

 

“I’ve already got one at home, haven’t I? Who the fuck needs to buy a second-hand rice cooker? Give me your key card. I’m going downstairs to get the suki.”

 

My building wasn’t nearly as posh as P’Erng’s, where you could get in using a password or fingerprint scanner. Mine still used key cards. You get what you pay for, I suppose. Apparently, twelve million baht only got you this much. P’Erng’s apartment cost over a hundred million, so that was another matter entirely.

 

His building even had valet parking. Mine just had ordinary parking spaces, and you took whatever you could get. Still, I had an excellent parking spot. Nobody ever fought me for it. Because I never drove my car.

 

We set up the suki on the balcony. My balcony wasn’t as spacious as P’Erng’s, but it was decent enough. Pong still hadn’t stopped questioning whether my father had really won the condo in a lucky draw, so I let him carry on talking while I tossed cabbage into the pot until it was completely full.

 

“Are you planning to eat nothing but cabbage? The whole fucking pot smells like vegetables now.”

 

“I like it.”

 

The restaurant he’d ordered from hadn’t actually provided that much cabbage. I’d added my own. Pong was putting pork and chicken into the pot, which took longer to cook, so he ended up eating cabbage while he waited. At least he could eat vegetables. Unlike P’Erng, who would only eat morning glory and tomatoes mixed into an omelette.

 

Whenever I went for shabu or suki with P’Erng, we had to choose a restaurant with a divided hotpot. God forbid anyone put cabbage or Chinese cabbage into His Highness’s side of the pot. It was practically a family crisis. But I wouldn’t have to deal with that problem any more. He could go and have family problems with his new family instead.

 

Milan probably wasn’t as obsessed with cabbage as I was.

 

“I’m glad you can eat vegetables.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

Pong shook his head and poured me some beer. The truth was, I had an extremely low tolerance for alcohol. Even a little was enough to get me completely drunk. P’Erng had once warned me not to get drunk outside the house; otherwise I probably wouldn’t make it home safely. Maybe I became the sort of drunk who made people want to beat me up.

 

“Oi, I think… I think I can see our boss. Khun Achitphon. Do you reckon that’s him? He’s right opposite your room, just a little off to the side. Fuck!”

 

Pong leaned across the table and whispered excitedly, staring past my shoulder towards the neighbouring building. I didn’t even need to look. You’d spotted P’Erng, hadn’t you? The tycoon’s room was on the other side.

 

“You’re probably seeing things.”

 

“I’m not! He’s staring straight over here. Do you think he recognises us? Should I wai to him? There are loads of employees at our company.”

 

“Just ignore him. Give me some more beer.”

 

“Your cheeks are fucking bright red, Pei. You’ve only had one glass. You’re such a lightweight.”

 

We continued eating our suki, our shoulders stiff, the unpleasant feeling of being watched. Pong kept giving me updates, reporting that P’Erng was still standing there like some giant guarding his balcony. I didn’t dare turn around. I just kept my head down and concentrated on eating. The sooner we finished, the sooner I could get back inside.

 

By now, I couldn’t even taste the cabbage I was chewing. I was eating like some sort of waste-disposal machine, shoving everything down just to get the meal over with.

 

“I’m not getting drunk. What if he sees me at work afterwards? My reputation will be ruined. You can get drunk by yourself, Pei. He can’t see your face, so he won’t recognise you anyway.”

 

I desperately wanted to tell him that even if P’Erng were standing all the way over on the roof of Chofa Bank, he’d still recognise me. Instead, I started knocking back my beer nonstop. I wanted to get drunk enough to forget everything. I didn’t want to care about anything any more.

 

“Oi! Oi! That’s too much, Pei!”

 

“Gimme… gimme another!”

 

Pong snatched the beer bottle away from me. But I’d already got going. I wanted to get drunk, damn it! Drunk enough to forget P’Erng completely!

 

I pushed myself to my feet and reached for the bottle in Pong’s hand, but he leaned away.

 

“Sit down properly before you fall off the fucking balcony! You’ve only had two bottles, and you’re acting like you’ve drunk a whole crate. You’re giving me a headache.”

 

“Give Pei his beeeer, Pooong!”

 

“Fucking hell, you’ve given me goosebumps! Why are you sitting on my lap? Get back to your own seat!”

 

“Beer… hic… beeeer… Waaaaah!”

 

I wanted to cry so badly. Since I was already drunk, I might as well cry my fucking eyes out. People always said you shouldn’t take a madman’s words seriously or hold a drunk person responsible for what they said. That meant I was allowed to be sad when I was drunk. I was allowed to cry.

 

“Bloody hell… you really make me worry about you.”

 

Pong dragged me off to wash my face and head, leaving me absolutely drenched. A tiny bit of my awareness returned. Just enough for me to understand what was happening and accompany him downstairs. He couldn’t leave by himself. The lift required a key card, and visitors had to exchange their identification at the management office.

 

He led me along by the hand while I followed in a daze, a wet towel wrapped around my head. I was dizzy, confused and stumbling from side to side. After telling me, for the approximately eighth millionth time, to go straight back upstairs and sleep, Pong finally left. People said alcohol made you shamelessly brave. I agreed.

 

Because instead of going back up to my room, I found myself looking at the building next door. The one I’d walked in and out of every day. I couldn’t go back and live there any more, but surely I was allowed to look at it. I’d lived there for four whole years. Couldn’t I have a little moment to miss my old home?

 

The woman who worked in the management office of P’Erng’s building was called Khun Jane. I knew her quite well, and she was lovely. Nothing like Auntie Paew, who now works in my building. She was fucking terrifying.

 

I wished I could swap Auntie Paew for Khun Jane. I’d even throw in the rice cooker. Brand-new, too. I’d buy her a new one myself.

 

I sat there staring aimlessly at P’Erng’s building. I was drunk, and the breeze down here felt nice and cool. I had no idea what time it was, but I thought I saw the tycoon’s car pulling up. The valet came over to take the car away, and the tycoon got out with another man.

 

That man was my neighbour. Well… my former neighbour. There were four apartments on P’Erng’s floor. The other man owned one of them, and his name was P’Em. Did this ridiculous building only allow people whose Thai names started with the letter อ to live there?

 

Em, Eurn, Erng. And then along came me, Paopei, whose name started with ป instead. No wonder I hadn’t lasted very long. Could I change my name? Something like Aoei would do.

 

I laughed at my own ridiculous thoughts and leaned back onto the grass. Oh, I forgot to mention that there’s a little garden between my building and P’Erng’s. Actually, I hadn’t intended to lie down here at all. The grass was itchy. But my head was spinning so badly that I just wanted to rest for a moment.

 

Surely nobody would notice me.

 

“Paopei, get up.”

 

“Pei’s dizzy.”

 

I’d been lying on my back staring at the stars for ages when they suddenly disappeared, replaced by a dark figure looming over me. And then came a familiar scent. The perfume I always bought for him… What was P’Erng doing here? Had he come out for a walk?

 

“Why did you drink beer? Come on, get up first.”

 

“Pei can’t.”

 

“Honestly…”

 

P’Erng scooped me into his arms. The world suddenly rose higher, but it wasn’t the height that caught my attention. It was the stern pair of eyes staring at me from so close.

 

“Your cheeks are completely red.”

 

“Pei only drank a little.”

 

The corners of his mouth seemed to lift into a smile, but I wasn’t sure. Perhaps I was imagining things. I was drunk.

 

“What do you mean, a little? You were practically face-down on the ground.”

 

“Pei wasn’t. Pei was lying down watching the stars.”

 

“Let’s go to my room first.”

 

“What for?”

 

“You’re allergic to Heineken, Pei. You need some antihistamines.”

 

How did he know that? I didn’t even know it myself. My brain wasn’t processing anything properly. Honestly, I was so dizzy that I couldn’t remember what else I said to him. Every time I moved, he told me off.

 

P’Erng told me to put my arms around his neck, or I’d fall. Of course, I didn’t dare disobey him. I’d never been able to disobey P’Erng. He complained about all sorts of things while making me take some medicine. Even after I’d swallowed it, he carried on lecturing me.

 

But I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t hear a thing. All I could see was his mouth. I reached out with both hands and touched his handsome face. P’Erng went still, his eyebrows lifting slightly as I leaned closer.

 

“Pei wants a kiss.”

 

“You always get flirtatious when you’re drunk…”

 

“Please kiss Pei…”

 

“Pei, don’t start acting cute. And stop sitting on my lap. I’m not a saint.”

 

“Just one kiss… P’Erng, don’t you love Pei any more?”

 

“Haah…”

 

The next morning, my head hurt so badly that I barely dared to move. But once I’d gathered my senses and tried to shift around a little, I discovered that I was suffering from sleep paralysis.

 

No, wait.

 

That wasn’t it. Someone was holding me so tightly that I couldn’t move at all. The familiar tiered ceiling I hadn’t seen for quite some time appeared above me.

 

I was in P’Erng’s room. And judging by the situation, it probably wasn’t a ghost pinning me down. It was a lion. Warm breaths brushed against my cheek. From experience, I knew that if I woke P’Erng up now, he’d probably bite my head off.

 

P’Erng was the sort of person who liked sleeping late. Usually, if I woke up before him, I’d simply go back to sleep. I’d once tried pushing him away, only to end up trapped in the bedroom for the entire day. He’d practically devoured me all morning. But… I had to be at work by half past eight.

 

And I’d already taken one day off sick. If I took another, I might not pass my probation. More importantly, I wasn’t P’Erng’s person any more.

 

Just waking up in his bed was already the most ridiculous thing in the world. Had I walked up here by myself? Hadn’t P’Erng deleted my fingerprints from the building’s system yet?

 

I remembered standing outside looking at his building. How the fuck had I ended up here? Or had I travelled back in time?

 

Like in those dramas where the main character gets a chance to go back and change the past, only to fall in love with the male lead all over again.

 

…Probably not. Not with the smell of beer hanging around me like this. I was definitely drunk last night. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Why did God always insist on making me wrestle with P’Erng first thing in the morning?

 

And why had I never won even once? It wasn’t as though I was happy to be back in P’Erng’s room. Things had changed between us. Would he think I’d come back to seduce him? That I was trying to cling to him again?

 

I hadn’t meant to bother him. I’d just been drunk. You shouldn’t hold a drunk responsible for what they did, right?

 

Would P’Erng think that way?

 

Waaaaah!

 

Pei didn’t mean to get drunk! No, wait. I had deliberately got drunk. But I hadn’t meant to come here!

 

I held my breath and tried pushing P’Erng away. I was going to be late, and surely he wouldn’t try to devour me now that we weren’t together. If anything, he’d probably be angry. Actually, I had no idea what he’d do. I didn’t even know what sort of expression I was supposed to make.

 

“Don’t… I’m sleeping.”

 

“P’Erng, please let go of me first.”

 

“Pei, don’t be stubborn.”

 

“Pei has to… g-go to work.”

 

He called me by my name. Fuck. I was going to cry. I genuinely wanted to burst into tears. When I’d first moved in with P’Erng, our morning battles had involved all sorts of names.

 

Sometimes he’d called out New. Sometimes Babe. Eventually, I worked out that New and Babe were the same person. I’d endured it for ages before the only name he called out was mine. He called that person Babe because it was a name he used for someone he loved.

 

As for me, I was simply Pei. Paopei. That was all.

 

I didn’t have any special privilege regarding how he called me. So why was he calling my name now? Go and call Milan instead! Why the fuck did he have to make my heart flutter again?

 

You bastard!

 

“Then resign.”

 

“Waaah! I can’t! Please let Pei go first.”

 

What did he mean, resign? He was the one who’d drawn up a contract forbidding me from resigning for three years! I’d get into trouble with Human Resources. Even though I wasn’t allowed to quit, they could still deduct money from my salary.

 

Arrive late? Salary deduction. Leave early? Salary deduction.

 

Taking time off was difficult too. Even sick leave required a doctor’s certificate under certain circumstances; otherwise they’d deduct points from your employee record. And when they calculated your bonus, you’d receive less money. Fuck, salaried employees really were oppressed. But P’Erng never had to deal with any of that.

 

Of course he didn’t understand!

 

“So you’re determined to be stubborn with me, are you?”

 

“Pei’s not being stubborn, but Pei has to go to wor—mmph!”

 

I was twenty-three years old, while P’Erng was thirty. Yet somehow, I still couldn’t compete with someone seven years older than me. Why couldn’t he start getting old properly?

 

And why the hell was he kissing me? We weren’t even together any more. When I’d first moved in with P’Erng, I hadn’t even known what a proper kiss was. His kisses had been so intense that it felt as though someone had punched me in the mouth and left my lips swollen.

 

The kisses I’d seen in films weren’t like that. They didn’t look as though someone was trying to suck the soul out of another person’s body or swallow their entire mouth, the way P’Erng did. Film kisses were romantic, with sweet music playing in the background. It had taken me quite a while to realise he wasn’t actually a lion trying to eat me.

 

Real kisses were hot and overwhelming. They weren’t sweet and gentle at all. P’Erng pinned my wrists above my head, the way he always liked to do. His strong leg pressed down against the middle of my body, preventing me from moving away. I tried to resist, but that only made him let out a low groan.

 

Then he bit my neck. He bit so hard that tears sprang to my eyes. Eventually, the pressure eased as he began gently nipping and sucking at my skin, his tongue brushing over the same spot.

 

“Pei…”

 

His deep voice called my name. My body began to drift under his touch. A touch I knew so well. He’d been the person I loved for so many years. I’d never had anyone else. There had only ever been P’Erng.

 

P’Erng alone. But…

 

He wasn’t mine any more. We shouldn’t be doing things like this again. This wasn’t my home. P’Erng wasn’t mine. And if I gave in to him now, I wouldn’t even know what I was supposed to be to him.

 

“P’Erng… hic… don’t. Don’t do this to Pei… Waaah!”

 

He froze. Lifting his head from my chest, he looked at me as I sobbed so hard that my entire body shook.

 

Perhaps P’Erng would become irritated and throw me out. But he didn’t. Instead, he pulled me into his arms. His large hand gently stroked my bare back.

 

“Shhh… Don’t cry, sweetheart. I won’t do anything.”

 

The more he comforted me, the harder I cried. His shoulder became soaked with my tears, but he simply let me cry. And the more I cried, the worse my headache became. But fuck, I couldn’t stop myself.

 

“Get some rest. You’re not well. It’s all right to take another day off work. You don’t need a doctor’s certificate unless you’re off for three days. I’ll be downstairs. If you need anything, just tell me, all right?”

 

P’Erng gently helped me lie down again. He took out a fresh pyjama top of his own and dressed me in it before getting up and leaving.

 

And so I was left alone with my confused feelings. In the bedroom that had once been mine. Why hadn’t he just sent me back to my own room? P’Erng was so cruel.

 

I still hadn’t managed to stop loving him, so couldn’t he please stop being kind to me? Don’t act as though everything is still the same when it isn’t. P’Erng’s kindness would only make it impossible for me to move on. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life loving someone who didn’t love me back.