In Love With An Idiot

Special Chapter 6: Daydream

“Why does P'Erng like Pei?”

 

“Hmm? What was that?”

 

“Pei's curious. Why does P'Erng like Pei?”

 

“I don't like Pei. I love Pei.”

 

Erng smiled at his lover's bashful expression. They'd been married for years, but in his eyes, Pei was still exactly the same. He'd never been any good at hiding his feelings. His eyes grew round when he was excited, and when he was embarrassed, as he was now, he looked away.

 

“Pei knows that! I mean back then, when we first met.”

 

“At the police station? I didn't like you yet. I couldn't even remember your face.”

 

“That's going too far back! It'd be strange if you remembered Pei. P'Erng and P'Ern hardly ever came home. Pei means after Pei went to P'Erng's room.”

 

“Our home now?”

 

“Yesss, that one. It's unbelievable, isn't it? Think about it, P'Erng. I went from being a kid working at your family's house who saw you once a year to making my debut as a kept boy living in a luxurious penthouse. Even if P'Erng said we were actually boyfriend and boyfriend, looking back, I never imagined I'd get so lucky, like a mouse falling into a barrel of rice. I was ordinary-looking, not very educated, not even a celebrity. And my dad stole diamonds from your family! What was so good about Pei? Besides, P'Erng had several other boys back then.”

 

“Did I make Pei feel that insecure? Haven't I loved you enough? Is that why you're doubting how I feel? We're already married, and I've still left my wife troubled by the past.”

 

“It's not like thaaaat! P'Erng is the best in the world! You're a golden cabbage. Pei wouldn't trade you for anything!”

 

Erng laughed softly when the younger man flung himself into his arms. Pei was praising him so extravagantly that Erng felt as though he might float up into the sky. He wrapped his arms around that slender waist and lifted Pei onto his lap. The series on television no longer held either of their attention. They could finish it later.

 

“There were probably lots of reasons I came to like Pei. But the most important one was that I liked myself when you were around.”

 

“Huh? You liked teaching Pei to use the vacuum cleaner? Or finding Pei asleep on the sofa, drooling all over it? Or watching Pei drool because he wanted your salmon? You mean you liked having Pei doing silly things nearby because it put you in a good mood?”

 

“I suppose that's about right.”

 

“That's not what I expected at all! Turns out P'Erng's ideal type is Paopei Chuan Chuen.”

 

“I like Paopei Araya.”

 

“Bloody hell! Be serious! Pei's asking properly. If all you wanted was someone to make you laugh, you wouldn't need Pei. There are loads of cheerful, adorable people.”

 

He'd grown up so much. It really was difficult to fool him these days. He argued back every time.

 

“Other people aren't like Pei. It was never difficult for me to find someone. My surname and my position meant people were always approaching me. Araya had only just got back on its feet, too, and I was working incredibly hard. I didn't have time to get to know anyone seriously, so I only had casual relationships. I wasn't thinking of settling down with anybody. I chose people who made it clear what they wanted from me because that was easier and less complicated. I'd look after them and give them money. When we got bored, we'd go our separate ways. There were plenty of pretty faces and beautiful people, and no shortage of people trying to please me. But… none of them was sincere with me.”

 

In truth, some people might have approached him with genuine feelings. He simply hadn't been ready at that point in his life. He hadn't been able to accept anyone's feelings. The timing had been wrong.

 

“And how did P'Erng know Pei was sincere? Pei might have been tricking you.”

 

“Were you really that clever, Khun Pancheewa?”

 

“You're looking down on meee! If Pei wasn't clever, would Pei have married P'Erng? Look! See this ring?”

 

The way he raised his hand to show off his ring was so adorable that Erng wanted to pounce on him.

 

“Ah, I see. So I was part of your scheme from the beginning. The very first time you came to my place, you made it all the way into my bedroom. You pretended you couldn't use the vacuum cleaner, then sneakily fell asleep in my room. You even stared at my food with those sparkling eyes until I had to share it with you. You were obviously trying to trick me into keeping you.”

 

“Don't tease! I really couldn't use it!”

 

Erng raised a hand and gently squeezed his soft cheek.

 

“Pei was different because… I never saw you trying to get anything from me. If you'd asked me for money or something else, I probably would have looked at you just like everyone else. But you never tried to make yourself mine. You came to do the housework, and then you went home. It might have been a small thing, but it made me go back to the family house and see how you were doing.”

 

“And there you were, our very own gardener, wearing shorts and carrying plants around, digging in the soil and planting one thing after another. Did you notice that when you first came to stay at Araya, the head housekeeper watched your every move? Later on, she more or less let you do whatever you wanted. I wanted to see whether you'd run away or steal something. But none of that ever happened. You'd even hand in money you found lying around the house to the housekeepers. P'Ern tested you too, with things that were valuable and things that weren't. You never stole anything. You never asked for anything.”

 

“Well, my dad had already stolen your diamonds. How could Pei do something like that again?”

 

“That's why P'Ern became so fond of you. Neither P'Ern nor I thought there would be another person who could make us feel as though we had family again. Although P'Ern saw you as a younger brother, while I saw you as my wife.”

 

“You're so naughty!”

 

“I suppose all those little things made me fond of you, and I wanted you to have a better future. There was hardly anybody living at the Araya house any more. One day, the aunties working as housekeepers would retire and go back to their own families. What would happen to Pei then? P'Ern thought about that too, so I wanted you to continue your education.”

 

“Who would have thought I'd end up running around helping a youngster apply to university and taking him to driving lessons, then spending every semester worrying he'd be expelled because his marks were so low? Just those things alone made me feel as though I was already a father. And on Father's Day, Pei even brought me a flower garland and paid his respects to me.”

 

“W-well… it really did seem that way…”

 

“That's what I mean. Before I knew it, taking care of Pei made me happy. I paid so much attention to you that I had no time to find anyone else. Between work, Pei and P'Ern, my life was complicated enough already.”

 

“So P'Erng likes looking after Pei?”

 

“Mm…”

 

“That really makes you my dad, not my husband.”

 

Where on earth was his mind going?

 

“P'Ern is the one who wants to be Pei's father. Not me.”

 

His older brother could have that role. Even now, he still behaved like an overindulgent old father who couldn't stop spoiling his child.

 

“Thinking about it makes Pei feel like such a bad kid. P'Erng looked after Pei so well, but Pei didn't study properly. I did all sorts of pointless things. I spent loads of money back then, you know. I used the money P'Erng gave me to buy nothing but designer things because I was afraid I wouldn't measure up to your other boys.”

 

“You didn't even spend a million baht on the credit card over the whole year. That wasn't particularly extravagant. I'd call you a fairly thrifty boy.”

 

“Huh? The others spent even more?”

 

“Well… I suppose? I can't remember. I only remember things about Pei.”

 

He seemed to have said something wrong. Those big round eyes narrowed, Pei pressed his lips together, and he made as though he was going to climb off Erng's lap.

 

“That's all in the past now.”

 

“I don't care! Pei's upset about it in retrospect.”

 

“Why be upset? You're the only person who ended up with me.”

 

“It's just that Pei feels as though he had to fight everyone to win the golden cabbage. But P'Erng never had to fight anybody for Pei! It's like I'm an ordinary, ordinary cabbage sitting on a shelf. You could just reach out and pick me up.”

 

“What sort of comparison is that? And how was it easy to pick you up? We went through all sorts of trouble before we finally ended up together. An ordinary cabbage wouldn't have been able to do that. I put so much effort and feeling into winning Pei. If I'm a golden cabbage, then Pei is a diamond-studded cabbage.”

 

“With five million baht's worth of diamonds, too.”

 

How could he possibly resist doting on him? Just hearing that made Pei blush and struggle to hide a grin, his cheeks puffing out.

 

“Didn't you tell me to stop talking about that? Doesn't it hurt to think about?”

 

“It hurts less when I make the joke myself.”

 

“Come here. Let's have a cuddle.”

 

The little man let himself fall back into Erng's arms and nestled against his chest, making soft, contented noises. The lovely scent of shampoo hovered near Erng's nose.

 

Pei liked to keep changing his soap, shampoo, perfume and lotion. The only thing that always smelled the same was the fabric softener he used on Erng's clothes. It had a mild, natural fragrance that wasn't overpowering, just right for work clothes.

 

“Mmm. Pei loves P'Erng so much.”

 

“I love Pei too.”

 

“Pei will look after P'Erng properly. I'll cherish you so much that mosquitoes won't get to bite you and flies won't dare land on you. I'll make sure I'm worthy of all the love P'Erng gives me.”

 

“That's supposed to be my line.”

 

“Why? Pei wants to be cool! P'Erng was too slow saying it.”

 

“All right, all right. I surrender. I love you. Please take care of P'Erng, won't you? I can't live without Pei in this lifetime.”

 

Pei had got an answer that satisfied him, so they went back to watching the series. But Erng couldn't follow it at all. He was still thinking about his own answer, about why he'd chosen Pei.

 

It wasn't simply that taking care of Pei made him happy. Looking after Pei like family had filled something missing inside him. Perhaps it was because only he and P'Ern remained of the Araya family. They were too old to need looking after by each other, and both were so busy with their separate lives that they scarcely had any time together as brothers. When Pei came into his life, it felt as though Erng finally had a home to return to.

 

He was happy that coming home no longer meant facing empty rooms and silence. Ever since Pei had arrived, more and more of his things had gradually appeared in the rooms, bringing back that feeling of having a family. Before Erng realised it, he wanted Pei to be there every day, forever.

 

Their relationship hadn't been flashy or wildly exciting, with his heart soaring and plunging like a roller coaster. It was a feeling of comfort and peace.

 

And Paopei could stand on his own two feet now. He was doing well in the hospital's Public Relations department, no longer the fresh graduate he'd been years ago. P'Ern said Pei had scored well in both his mid-year and end-of-year evaluations, without anyone having to pull strings for him. If he carried on this way, a departmental manager's position might well be within his reach.

 

The little cabbage Erng had nurtured and protected for so many years was now strong enough to stand on its own.

 

“Will you get bored of me one day?”

 

“Huh? Why? Why would P'Erng ask that?”

 

“I don't know. I feel as though I'm boring. Always the same.”

 

“Pei's boring and always the same too. I've already made a plan to go to Korea for cosmetic surgery when I turn forty, so P'Erng won't go off with someone else.”

 

Since when had his wife come up with a plan like that?

 

“I didn't fall for Pei because of your looks. If you want surgery, it should be because you want it, not because you're trying to please me. I'm getting older too. In a few years I'll be an old uncle with a big belly.”

 

“Don't be dramatic! You've got a loooong way to go before your belly gets big. Pei sees you every day. Pei knows!”

 

“Oh… so you've been secretly admiring me every day.”

 

“Not at all… We shower together every day, so of course I see you! I'm not blind. This morning we… w-well, you know.”

 

Since they both had to go to work in the mornings, they'd been showering together for years, perhaps since before their wedding. On days when they had time to spare, they'd stay in the bathroom a little longer and do the things husbands and wives do together. It had become perfectly normal. These days, they actually made love more often in the mornings than at night, because their schedules meant they didn't always get home at the same time.

 

“So you're still satisfied with this golden cabbage?”

 

“Very satisfied. Five stars.”

 

“And I'm satisfied with Pei's soft little tummy. Ten stars.”

 

“I know I've put on weight. You don't have to tease me.”

 

“You could put on even more. I like it. There's more to hold.”

 

Everywhere he touched, Pei was soft. It was much better than before, when he'd been nothing but skin and bone. Back then, Erng had almost felt sorry for him when he hugged or held him, afraid the little man might break.

 

Now that he thought about it, perhaps they could finish that series another day after all.

 

“It's hard to lose weight… Pei still wants Thai milk tea and… Ah! P'Erng, where are you carrying Pei?”

 

“Taking you for some exercise.”

 

Something that should have been resting was beginning to grow hard. Judging by his expression, Pei had realised it too. His already large eyes widened further, and his mouth opened and closed in surprise.

 

“B-but… we only did it this morning…”

 

“We can do it again. There's no law saying we're only allowed to do it once a day. We used to manage three or four rounds in a row.”

 

“That was before… N-now we're old…”

 

“Oh, so you're calling me old? Saying I've got no stamina?”

 

“N-no! Pei's old! Pei's the one who's olddd! P'Ernggg! Pei's legs are still shaking…”

 

Let him complain. There was no escaping today. Erng would water his little cabbage until morning and clear up the mistaken notion that Pei had married an old husband.

 

Tomorrow was Sunday, and they didn't have to go anywhere. What was wrong with indulging himself for one day?