In Love With An Idiot

Special Chapter 1: Couple

“Just watch, P'Eurn. We're definitely going to win loads of gold medals!”

 

Achitphon folded his arms and shook his head as he watched the tycoon, who loved behaving like a child, discussing tactics for the company sports day with the public relations employee.

 

P'Eurn wasn't particularly interested in sports day. He'd simply tricked Paopei into taking the competition seriously, and the younger man had been excitedly talking about it all week.

 

“Exactly. That's what I think too.”

 

He pretended to share Pei's determination, but as soon as Pei lowered his head to eat his rice porridge, he smiled to himself. Achitphon didn't want to dampen Paopei's enthusiasm either. The boy was so determined that the executive team, which consisted of only five people, would have to make an effort. Not an effort to win, mind you. An effort to pretend to be determined so the boy wouldn't be disappointed.

 

“Have a bit more of your sandwich, P'Erng. You won't have enough energy otherwise.”

 

The company had provided mushroom rice porridge for the employees, but Achitphon disliked mushy food, so the organisers had prepared a sandwich-and-coffee set for him instead. Meanwhile, P'Eurn and their star athlete were already on their second bowls of porridge.

 

“I'm not very hungry.”

 

He didn't want to eat too much. At the start of the event, he'd need to speak to the various department managers, and after that there would be the annual three-legged race for managers, including himself and P'Eurn. Most other departments entered their manager and deputy manager.

 

Usually, the brothers only attended this part of the event before going their separate ways. It wasn't especially tiring, and it also meant the employees wouldn't feel too self-conscious. Not everyone worked directly with the executives, and some might be too respectful of them to relax and enjoy themselves fully.

 

At exactly nine o'clock, Tycoon Achi opened the event in his pleasantly gentle voice, smiling warmly. Achitphon's sharp eyes shifted towards the small athlete who had already begun stretching. His serious little face was both adorable and amusing, so Achitphon let him carry on.

 

Today, Pei hadn't put the ring on his left ring finger because he was afraid the diamond might come loose. Achitphon wasn't strict about him never taking it off, as long as they discussed it beforehand. He'd already found a simple plain band for Pei to wear instead because Pei was worried people would ask about the diamond ring.

 

Achitphon wasn't hurt that the younger man feared people finding out. Being an employee in a relationship with an executive inevitably made things awkward if others knew.

 

“And now for our highlight, as we have every year: the three-legged race! Could all department managers and deputy managers, along with our chairman and vice-chairman, please come forward? According to our records, Marketing has won two years running. Accounting came second last year, with Purchasing in third. I don't mean to tease, but our executive team has never won. The tycoon always falls before everyone else!”

 

Laughter rang out all around. Even I remembered what the host had said. P'Eurn and P'Erng had absolutely no teamwork in the three-legged race! Yesterday, they'd tried practising together, but P'Eurn had been so busy laughing at P'Erng's fed-up expression that he'd fallen flat on his face before they'd even taken a few steps. That annoyed P'Erng, of course. During the next practice run, P'Erng suddenly stopped walking, and P'Eurn fell forwards all over again.

 

I was therefore extremely excited about today's race. P'Eurn and P'Erng were both wearing identical white tops and black tracksuit bottoms. White was our executive team's colour. P'Erng was frowning slightly, as usual, while P'Eurn was still smiling and chatting to someone in red from Accounting. Soon the staff tied their legs together. P'Erng looked even more as though he were being forced to eat fish maw soup, while P'Eurn's smile curved from ear to ear.

 

“Go on, bosses! You can do it!”

 

Khun Nid waved her pom-poms and laughed at how completely different the two brothers looked. Khun Ta sat with his arms folded, smiling.

 

“Before we begin, would the tycoon like to say a few words to intimidate the opposition?” The host approached P'Eurn with the microphone as he laughed cheerfully.

 

“I'm not sure I can intimidate anyone when we've never won. Let's just say we practised last night, so perhaps this year we won't come last.”

 

“Not even hoping for first place, sir?”

 

“Secretly, I am. I was thinking of sticking my leg out to trip the Accounting manager.”

 

Part of P'Eurn's charm was the way his voice and smile drew people towards him. I thought he was perfectly suited to being the public face of Araya. P'Erng hated opening ceremonies and having to make speeches about anything other than work—or his brother's love life, according to Pong. P'Erng probably thought that if P'Eurn couldn't be bothered to work, he could at least put some effort into talking.

 

“And what's the grand prize in this year's raffle, Tycoon? We've been looking forward to it for a whole month!”

 

“This year I've donated the latest iPhone. Erng donated two baht's weight of gold. Good luck, everyone. And please wish us luck in not finishing last!”

 

P'Eurn's closing remarks drew another round of laughter, and the race began. P'Eurn and P'Erng wrapped their arms around each other's waists and started moving slowly. Khun Nid and I watched in tremendous suspense. Marketing's team was really fast. They kept counting, “One, two, one, two,” as they went.

 

The brothers, meanwhile, looked like two elderly men helping one another shuffle along. They couldn't even lift their legs in time with each other. Before they'd reached halfway, P'Eurn fell again, and this time he dragged P'Erng down with him. Marketing had already crossed the finishing line.

 

“Sigh. We never win, Khun Ta. This three-legged race is really stressing me out.”

 

“It'd be more surprising if they won. One isn't even trying, and the other is annoyed with his brother. Ha ha!”

 

So our white team finished dead last. Never mind! Khun Nid and I were entered in the mixed male-and-female three-legged race. We'd been practising after work for a whole week. I was going to win!

 

The orange Marketing team had entered Pong with a woman who was shorter than his shoulder. Khun Nid and I planned to walk quickly, and it seemed we shared the same competitive spirit, because we came second! Pong's team finished last. He fell face-first before anyone else because his stride was far too long and his partner couldn't keep up. Serves him right!

 

“In the ten years we've held Araya's sports day, this is the first year the white team has won a medal! Congratulations to our executives!”

 

P'Eurn took out some money and gave Khun Nid and me a thousand baht each, saying it was our reward for salvaging the reputation of a department that had never won anything.

 

The employees' sports day wasn't really about serious competition. Most of the events were silly games, such as balloon-stomping. Khun Ta was sent to compete in that one, but he stood chatting with employees from other departments until someone burst his balloon almost immediately. Khun Nid withdrew from the running race because she was exhausted. We didn't have enough people for tug-of-war, and I even ended up being assigned to another colour because P'Eurn had fled at the first opportunity.

 

P'Erng and Khun Ta met afterwards, and Khun Nid was more interested in chatting with employees from other departments. So I joined Pong on the orange team. As the competitions went on, everyone ended up mixed together anyway.

 

It was confusing and ridiculous, but I had a wonderful time. I got to know lots more people. Green, the Human Resources team, won the most medals, while my team had just that one. The event ended in the afternoon with a raffle featuring 50 prizes, including grand prizes from the chairman, vice-chairman, executives, managers, and deputy managers.

 

Pong won a little prize, something like a towel. I didn't win anything at all. How annoying! Still, I'd already received a thousand baht from P'Eurn, and that was surely worth more than Pong's towel.

 

After the activities ended, I took a motorcycle taxi back to the penthouse. My car had been repaired, but I still hardly drove it because taking a motorcycle taxi to work was faster. And don't imagine P'Erng got up to go to work at the same time as me. He only managed that early-rising enthusiasm for the first few days. Within a week, that low-blood-pressure human being had waved the white flag and let me take a motorcycle taxi.

 

I'd moved back in with P'Erng after we returned from Khao Kho. I hadn't thought very far ahead about the future, but after he proposed, P'Erng staged a coup and ordered me to move back. I tried to resist, asking for a little more time to enjoy being single. P'Erng then transformed from an ordinary lion into a deep-fried, battered lion—an even more ferocious version—and devoured me in bed until I was exhausted. He wouldn't even let me rest until I agreed to move back in with him.

 

Two days in Khao Kho had almost left me unable to walk. After just one more round, I decided I valued my life and surrendered willingly to P'Erng's authority. The little single life I'd been dreaming about had been swatted out of existence by his lion paws.

 

To make myself feel better, I claimed the balcony at P'Erng's place as my personal territory. I'd started bringing in long planters to grow cabbages, experimenting with how best to grow them. Unfortunately, they couldn't grow quickly enough for me to eat! So I had to choose other plants as well and turn it into a small garden.

 

My life became busy with looking after P'Erng's home, just as it had been before: washing clothes, ironing, going to work and spending weekends cuddled up with him watching television dramas. That was really all there was to it. But since we'd got back together, P'Erng also liked taking me out for meals, to the cinema, or just for a walk and some shopping.

 

I was happy. But occasionally running into Araya employees while we were out made me feel awkward. I knew they'd probably gossip that I was having a fling with P'Erng.

 

“I'm so uncomfortable, mate.”

 

When I ate in the staff canteen, several people would sneak glances at me. It made me uncomfortable. And during sports day, some people seemed stiff around me and didn't talk much. There weren't very many, but I knew it was because of my relationship with P'Erng.

 

“I understand. Don't pay them any attention. You can't avoid this sort of thing. Everyone loves sticking their noses into the boss's private life. And since you're dating the boss, it's almost as though you're an owner of Araya too.”

 

“But P'Erng isn't giving me anything. I don't want anything either.”

 

“Other people don't know that. Just eat and stop overthinking it. When you're working, you hardly see anyone except at the building entrance and in the lift. Those two things definitely can't gossip about you.”

 

Honestly, I only felt uncomfortable at lunchtime and in the mornings. My work didn't require me to talk to many people apart from outsiders phoning in. Still, it was horrible being the centre of everyone's attention.

 

I didn't know how to tell P'Erng. He'd feel bad if I didn't want to go out with him or walk along holding hands. He didn't want me to worry about other people's stares because he cared about my feelings.

 

That afternoon was incredibly quiet, so I telephoned P'Eurn to talk about the problem weighing on my mind. He was still the best person in the world to talk to and ask for advice, even if he'd also been the reason my life once felt like standing lost in a field of cabbages.

 

“It's natural to feel nervous when people stare at you. Outsiders don't know everything behind your relationship with Erng, and they can interpret it in all sorts of ways. What would you like to do next, Pei?”

 

“Pei wants to work. But Pei feels uncomfortable about everything. I've even been thinking of changing jobs.”

 

“For that reason, I think it'd be perfectly reasonable. How about doing the same sort of job at my hospital? It's a large private hospital with its own reception department, rather like a hotel. It's close to Araya and close to home too.”

 

“Will P'Erng be angry with Pei, P'Eurn? I'm worried.”

 

“You're grown up now. If you speak to Erng honestly, he'll understand. Erng isn't the one being watched and stared at the way you are. If he knows, I think he'll agree with your decision to change jobs. He certainly wouldn't let people gossip about his boyfriend. Oh, sorry—his future wife?”

 

“Ngggh. Why did you have to end by teasing Pei?”

 

“Hee hee. Demand an enormous dowry, Pei. Make that Erng bastard completely poor. As for me, I'll give you my Araya shares.”

 

“You're trying to escape your work again, aren't you, P'Eurn?”

 

“Can't you pretend not to notice just once?”

 

“Nope. Pei is on P'Erng's team.”

 

P'Eurn laughed and hung up. I knew I had to summon the courage to talk to P'Erng. Being watched and stared at genuinely stressed me out. I just wanted to get on with my work quietly.

 

“What's wrong, Pei? You've burnt the shirt.”

 

My worry must have been written all over my face, because I'd burnt P'Erng's shirt while ironing. Bloody hell! Of all the things to burn, it had to be a designer shirt. He'd bought this one when we travelled to France! He wore it often and really loved it.

 

“What should I do? It's burnt. Pei… Pei didn't mean to.”

 

“We'll buy another one. Stop ironing for now. If you're this distracted, you'll burn your hand as well as the shirt.”

 

P'Erng unplugged the iron and took my hand, leading me to sit with him on the sofa. He looked me up and down, turning me to the left and right, probably making sure I hadn't burnt off any part of my body.

 

“All right, you're safe. Now tell me what's troubling my little cabbage.”

 

I took a deep breath and slowly told P'Erng about my situation. I tried to explain that I didn't want to keep our relationship a secret, but being treated like this was stressful too.

 

“When Pei gets stressed, Pei worries it'll make him afraid to go out with P'Erng. But Pei wants to go out with you. I'm happy on our dates. You mustn't think Pei doesn't love you, all right?”

 

“I understand. I'm sorry I've made you uncomfortable… Let's find a way to fix it. I don't want my future wife to feel troubled.”

 

“Ngggh! Don't call me that. Pei gets embarrassed.”

 

“You'd better get used to it. Before long, we'll be throwing the word ‘future’ in the bin.”

 

P'Erng wanted us to have a small wedding. We didn't have many guests: P'Eurn, Pong, Auntie Sri, Auntie Phon, Khun Nid, Khun Ta and two or three close friends of P'Erng's who knew about me. He didn't want a huge event, but he didn't want to do nothing at all. So we'd decided to hold a party in the Araya family's garden. We were waiting for an auspicious date. How exciting!

 

Even more exciting, P'Erng said he'd take me to register our marriage at the Bang Rak District Office, which was a popular place for couples to do it.

 

“If we do that, I'll get a share of your assets, P'Erng. If you behave badly, Pei will sue for divorce and demand lots of money!”

 

“I'll give you everything. Just don't ask for the position of Araya tycoon. Let P'Eurn keep that.”

 

There he went, taking another dig at his brother.

 

In the end, P'Erng agreed that I could resign and go to work for P'Eurn. The position P'Eurn offered was similar to my job at Araya, except I'd also have to help patients arriving at the hospital. It would be a little busier, involving registering their details, checking appointments, sending them to the appropriate departments and coordinating with the hospital. Most importantly, I'd need to speak English because many foreign patients visit P'Eurn's hospital.

 

“Pei isn't confident at all.”

 

I hadn't attended an international school. My English was bloody terrible.

 

“Then take two months off to study some more English before starting your new job.”

 

“But then Pei won't have a salary… for two whole months.”

 

“You can claim unemployment payments through social security.”

 

“P'Erng, are you really telling Pei to claim from social security? Don't you want to support Pei?”

 

It was time to act cute for P'Erng. He loved it when I did that. When I wriggled onto his lap and nestled against his chest, murmuring sweetly, he became very cheerful.

 

“Make me happy… Fifty thousand a night.”

 

His big hand squeezed my bottom hard. Honestly! P'Erng had started making such dirty jokes lately. Whenever he groped me, he liked to speak as though I were selling myself to him. He didn't make me feel degraded. Strangely enough, it simply added fuel to the fire in our bedroom.

 

“That's too little. Pei's a top-grade beauty… P'Erng will have to invest a bit more.”

 

I rubbed my hips against P'Erng's thigh. His sharp eyes began to glitter as he transformed into a deep-fried lion, ready to pounce again.

 

“Pei, don't tease me.”

 

“Pei isn't teasing… Pei's seducing you.”

 

P'Erng clenched his teeth, picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. His large hand smacked my bottom so hard that I cried out. He slapped it hard several times until tears sprang to my eyes, but the more he spanked me, the more I wanted him to hold me.

 

“Don't blame me if you can't get up tomorrow.”

 

P'Erng put me down on the bed and hurriedly undressed.

 

“Again… I don't believe you… P'Erng has to prove it.”

 

I raised my knees and spread my legs wide, like a little deer waiting for P'Erng to leap at me and bite. That was how things were between P'Erng and me. Sometimes I acted cute, sometimes I seduced him, sometimes I pretended to take control, and then I let him do as he pleased.

 

My future husband was so hot that even ten chillies couldn't compete!