In Love With An Idiot

Last Chapter

“Someone's in a good mood because he gets to go to the cinema with his husband. Grinning so widely his face looks like a Ratchaburi water jar. His husband-bragging aura is reaching all the way to the sun.”

 

At that moment, Pong's sarcastic remarks didn't bother me in the slightest. I was too delighted about our trip to Khao Kho. I was dying to go! I'd never been there before. So excitingggg!

 

“I'll bring you back a present, hehe.”

 

“I'm so sick of you.”

 

Never mind the Khao Kho trip for now, because I had another important mission for Pong to help me with. Milan was the face of an instant noodle brand! We had to collect the packets to enter a competition for a trip to Hong Kong.

 

“Pong, from now on, stop eating rice. You've got to eat these noodles instead.”

 

“Again?! No way! They're nothing but MSG!”

 

“It's Hong Kong, mateeee! You and me, going to Hong Kongggg!”

 

“Get your boss to help you eat them. I'm not eating them. I don't want anything to do with Milan or whoever he is.”

 

“P'Erng has sponsor tickets for the i-dle concert.”

 

“How many crates do you need me to eat, Pei?”

 

Yesterday, I'd told P'Erng about my mission to help Pong get concert tickets. P'Erng said he would probably receive some because his company was sponsoring the concert. Normally, sponsors received VIP tickets. The marketing department would bring them to him first, and he would decide whether to use them for a promotion or keep them. He promised that, if any arrived, he'd save some for Pong and me, though he didn't know which ticket category they'd be.

 

“But I don't know which price category the tickets will be.”

 

“Doesn't matter. If it's free, I'm going! Bloody hell, my Minnie!”

 

“That's righttt! Your Minnie concert tickets in exchange for my trip to Hong Kong with Milan.”

 

“Deal. After work, I'm going to Big C.”

 

“I'm coming too. We've got to be determined! We missed out on Japan, so we're definitely going to Hong Kong!”

 

Pong and I each brought home two crates of instant noodles. For my dinner date with P'Erng that evening, I boiled some noodles with cabbage, eggs and meatballs. P'Erng didn't complain. He'd never criticised my cooking, even when my omelettes were salty, or my clear soup didn't taste quite right. He always ate everything.

 

P'Erng seemed tired that day. He had to prepare for a board meeting. P'Eurn had once complained that those meetings were like small-scale wars. Some shareholders understood the business, while others knew absolutely nothing but insisted on acting clever. That was why P'Eurn usually sent Khun Nid in his place, but he had to attend this one himself.

 

“I'll give you a massage, P'Erng.”

 

“Mm… My shoulders hurt.”

 

P'Erng slid down to sit on the floor in front of the sofa, leaning against my legs. The television was showing an American legal drama that he liked. I understood some of it but not the rest, while I kept massaging his shoulders.

 

“P'Erng, you've got a grey hair.”

 

There was a single white strand. It surprised me because, to my eyes, P'Erng still looked exactly as he had when we first met. Time had passed so quickly. Before I knew it, he had grey hair.

 

“I suppose I'm starting to get old, Pei.”

 

“Don't rush to get old yet.”

 

My heart sank. I was only twenty-four, and the thought of P'Erng getting older made me worry about all sorts of things. I was afraid he wouldn't be as strong as before, that there would be things he could no longer do, and that he'd leave this world before me.

 

“Do you think I can stop it?”

 

“You've got to laugh a lot and stay cheerful and happy. Then you'll look young. No stressing! Stress makes you age faster.”

 

“Then you'll have to stay with me all the time. I'm happy when I'm with you.”

 

P'Erng leaned back, tilted his head and met my eyes. His little smile made my heart tremble like an earthquake. Sigh… How had I even survived all these years of P'Erng being so adorable?

 

“And P'Erng has to spoil Pei lots, be kind to Pei and love only Pei.”

 

“Don't I spoil you enough already? If I spoil you any more, I'll go bankrupt, Paopei.”

 

“I don't want expensive things! Just spoil me, like letting me buy lots of cabbage at the supermarket and not complaining when I buy lottery tickets. That's really important, P'Erng. I think I'm addicted to the lottery. Whenever there's a draw I can't enter, I get restless. And if you hear any lucky numbers, you have to tell me. I'm secretly stressed because I didn't take P'Eurn's set of lottery tickets. What if they win? Just imagine the last two digits came up. Two thousand times forty… Ngggh!”

 

P'Erng turned round, took hold of me and kissed me. And he didn't start with a slow, gentle kiss. He sucked and nibbled at my lips, biting along them and slipping his tongue into my mouth. Whenever I ran out of breath, he pulled back just enough to let me take two or three breaths before kissing me again. It felt good, but I was so excited I couldn't breathe fast enough!

 

“P-P'Erng, stop for a moment… Pei's going to have a heart attack.”

 

“One more kiss… Please? I want to kiss Pei.”

 

“Ngggh, no. No pleading!”

 

“Please. Just a little kiss.”

 

“You can't. Mmmph!”

 

Ohhhhh! What happened to just a little kiss? This was the lion-devouring-me version! P'Erng didn't care how much my head was spinning. Those great lion paws of his wandered and stroked until my emotions were in complete turmoil.

 

“Let me hold you, Pei…”

 

“You can't. Pei has work. P'Erng, d-don't bite…”

 

I was blushing all over. P'Erng pushed up my shirt and bit my chest. My whole body went limp like overcooked cabbage, and I lay sprawled across the sofa. I tried to resist, but I couldn't.

 

“You smell lovely everywhere, Pei.”

 

“Don't… please.”

 

“I've missed you.”

 

P'Erng sounded dejected. He gazed at me with pleading eyes like a clingy kitten. But I still had to work tomorrow! P'Erng never held back, and I'd taken so many days off that the Human Resources department would soon have me on a list.

 

“L-later… at Khao Kho.”

 

“Hmm? What did you say, Pei?”

 

“Let's cuddle at Khao Kho instead, all right?”

 

That was important!

 

My face practically exploded from embarrassment. I had to cover it with my hands. It was so embarrassingggg! It wasn't that I disliked P'Erng. I wanted to be affectionate with him, too, but work mattered, too.

 

“Once we're at Khao Kho, you won't be able to stop me. I'm going to eat you all up.”

 

“P'Erng, we're not talking about this any more.”

 

P'Erng pulled me onto his lap and held me. He stopped behaving like a ravenous lion, although he still wouldn't stop slipping his hands here and there, touching, stroking and kissing. What television series? We weren't watching anything now. He was far too busy pestering me.

 

“P'Erng, you're naughty!”

 

“I only want to be naughty with you.”

 

“Just try being naughty with someone else. You'll be in serious trouble, P'Erng.”

 

“I'm frightened now. Whose boyfriend is so fierce?”

 

“We aren't even officially dating yet.”

 

There he went, saying adorable things again. I was so embarrassed! Waaah!

 

“If I ask you out with a cabbage farm, will you soften your heart and agree to be my boyfriend?”

 

“Yessss! But don't, P'Erng. I'm not confident about it. P'Eurn said I shouldn't start a farm because it'd definitely go bust. I'd be better off growing a few cabbages on the balcony.”

 

“It won't go bust. I'll help. We'll grow them together. Shall I resign and come and work on the farm with you?”

 

His words, his eyes, his smile, that invitation to dream together… it was almost romantic. The reality, though, was that P'Erng was bloody hopeless at growing plants.

 

I'd once bought him a tiny cactus for his desk and told him very clearly to give it just a little water once or twice a week. My cactus had still died. What hope would cabbage have? And a man who couldn't even tell Chinese kale from choy sum was going to help me run a cabbage farm?

 

“You're better off selling houses, P'Erng. It's much more profitable than farming. We can just do a little gardening for fun when we've got time, all right?”

 

“You don't want me to make a farm for you?”

 

“I do, but you look more handsome going to work in a suit. Pei likes it. You look rich.”

 

“Greedy.”

 

P'Erng gave my nose a gentle squeeze, and then we kissed. This time it wasn't the sort of kiss where a lion tried to eat my head. It was sweet, soft and just the right amount. Sigh… My golden cabbage was such a catch. None of the men I'd once planned to buy and keep could possibly compare with P'Erng. Handsome, kind, warm, and I didn't even have to pay to buy him. That saved me a fortune!

 

We set off for Khao Kho at eight in the evening. P'Erng wasn't driving because he'd been in board meetings all day, so Khun Ta had hired a driver especially for the trip. Araya didn't employ a permanent chauffeur because P'Erng preferred driving himself. Only occasionally did they hire a vehicle with a driver.

 

We travelled in a large van with a sliding partition separating the driver from the passenger compartment. It was very private, with only four seats: soft sofa-like chairs that could recline into beds.

 

I lay cuddling little Erng, with P'Erng cuddling me from behind. We didn't look at the scenery or think about watching anything because P'Erng wanted to rest. When he became sleepy, I did too. Sleepiness must be contagious. It was better to lie there comfortably in his arms.

 

We arrived at the holiday house at almost two in the morning. I was so sleepy I didn't even have a chance to get excited about the house. P'Erng seemed the same. He carried me into the bedroom so we could go straight back to sleep together. It was fairly cold there, but his body was lovely and warm, so I slept soundly… until I began to feel rather less comfortable when I realised I was about to be devoured.

 

“P'Erng… Mmmph. What are you doing?”

 

The lion was awake. I couldn't tell what time it was outside, but it was probably morning, perhaps even late morning, since P'Erng had woken up and was concentrating very hard on removing every single item of my clothing.

 

“P'Erng wants to hold Pei.”

 

This time it wasn't a request for permission but an announcement. He leaned down and kissed my bare shoulder, nibbling and sucking his way down to my chest. I had no idea where my clothes had disappeared to. With the air so cool and a warm person beside me—P'Erng—I let him do as he pleased.

 

“Ahh…”

 

P'Erng's embrace gradually progressed from leading me along on a leisurely stroll to taking me for a run in a marathon, and finally to an Olympic sprint. The sounds of our bodies moving and the embarrassingly wet noises were perfectly audible.

 

I panted as I kept pace with P'Erng all the way to the finish line. Warm liquid overflowed inside me, but he still refused to pull out.

 

“P'Erng… move out, please.”

 

I was embarrassed talking about this sort of thing. My whole face felt hot, and I didn't dare look into his eyes because he loved to give me that teasing smile.

 

“But I want Pei to hold me.”

 

“How can you call that holding someone…?”

 

“I don't want to come out yet… One more round, please.”

 

P'Erng planted a great big kiss on my burning cheek and wouldn't let me argue. He took me running again. This time it wasn't an Olympic sprint. It was more like an obstacle course, with all the twisting, turning, rolling and acrobatics until my legs were numb and I couldn't feel my lower half. What did he mean, one more round? It was four rounds!

 

I hadn't even seen anything in Khao Kho yet, and I immediately exercised my right to sleep for a good long time. P'Erng was like a lion that had just eaten a deer and was thoroughly satisfied, whistling happily. Meanwhile, my body was covered in bite marks, kiss marks and marks from being slapped. He liked smacking my bottom, and he certainly didn't hold back. He spanked me until tears poured down my face while he kept moving forcefully… But I couldn't complain to him outright, because I liked it too. How annoying!

 

By the time I woke again, it was nearly evening. P'Erng carried me out of bed because I was still in a dreadful state. We hadn't planned to go anywhere anyway. For P'Erng, going on holiday meant changing where he slept, soaking up the atmosphere and kissing me all over. Honestly, we could have gone to Sattahip like usual if that was all he wanted! Still, even though we didn't do anything, I was happy.

 

This holiday house had a wide front terrace where you could sit in the breeze and look out over mountains stretching as far as the eye could see. It was a view I hardly ever saw, because at the condo there were only tall buildings—and really only one building I ever looked at, P'Erng's. Sitting on his lap while he held me in the breeze felt wonderful.

 

“Do you like it?”

 

“I do. The weather's so goooood! When did you buy a house here, P'Erng?”

 

Someone of Khun Achitphon's standing would never stay in a hotel unless he was travelling abroad. He wasn't the sort to want a change of scene somewhere new either. Otherwise, I'd have been able to visit other places before now. Whenever we went anywhere, it was Sattahip. I suspected Khao Kho would be our destination for many years to come.

 

“Two or three years ago. I was worried you'd get bored of the sea, so I had this place built. But it was only finished during the time we weren't together.”

 

“Whenever we talk about the time we weren't together, Pei… feels sad all over again.”

 

I knew we'd moved past that, and things were wonderful now that P'Erng and I loved each other. But it would have been better still if that time had never happened. Remembering it made me feel lonely, heavy-hearted and… terribly sad.

 

“Don't be sad. It'll never happen again. Not even ten P'Eurns could steal you away from me now. You're not allowed to leave me any more, Khun Pancheewa.”

 

“And you're not allowed to go anywhere either, Khun Achitphon. I've claimed you.”

 

We kissed gently amid the breeze and mountains. If happiness could be measured on a graph, mine would have shot right past the mountain peaks. Believe me.

 

“Come on… let's take a walk behind the house.”

 

“Pei's sore.”

 

“I'll support you… Hold on to me.”

 

P'Erng wrapped an arm around my waist and kept me pressed close, half supporting and half carrying me as we walked. We moved very slowly, but I was grinning from ear to ear. P'Erng smiled so widely that little lines appeared at the corners of his eyes. I wondered if I should secretly ask P'Eurn whether his hospital offered any wrinkle-reduction treatments.

 

“Surprise!”

 

“Huh? This is…”

 

Behind the house was something like a white greenhouse for growing plants. I'd seen them in television dramas. I thought they were used for organic crops or plants whose temperature needed controlling… But inside P'Erng's greenhouse there were cabbages! It wasn't very big, but the cabbages were planted in several rows. They hadn't grown much yet, but I was sure they'd become lovely big heads.

 

“My cabbage farm. I built it so I could ask Pei to be my boyfriend… Are you starting to soften towards me yet, sweetheart?”

 

“Hic… P'Erng! What are you playing at? Who uses a cabbage farm to ask someone to be their boyfriend? Waaah!”

 

I turned into a blubbering Paopei. Everything inside me was in a whirl. I'd never imagined P'Erng would do so much for me. It wasn't as though I was particularly wonderful or worthy of someone like him.

 

“You little crybaby. You don't love anything more than cabbage, so I built this for you. The people growing them are locals. Once they're big enough to eat, they'll send some to us, and we can sell some of the rest.”

 

“P'Erng, you really didn't have to do all this for Pei.”

 

The more I cried, the more P'Erng laughed.

 

“I love you, Pei. Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

Now it was my turn to laugh, because P'Erng had pulled a cabbage out of the ground to ask me out with. It was covered in soil and hadn't even finished growing. But I accepted it. It actually did feel wonderful to be given a cabbage.

 

“Yes, I will.”

 

P'Erng pulled me close and planted a huge kiss on my forehead, then we carried on looking around the little cabbage farm. It wasn't an especially elaborate surprise. He even seemed a bit shy about it. But to me, it was the greatest surprise imaginable.

 

We walked back towards the entrance, but P'Erng wouldn't go outside. He took the cabbage I'd been carrying around the greenhouse, held it himself and knelt down. My eyes widened as my heart began hammering like a drum.

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

“P-P'Erng… Don't joke with Pei about that.”

 

“Marry me, Pei.”

 

“We've only just become boyfriend and boyfriend! We've only walked around the cabbage farm once, and you're proposing already?”

 

Why was everything happening so quickly? I didn't know what to do. Then I got an even bigger shock when P'Erng parted the cabbage leaves and took out a ring. I'd been carrying my own wedding ring around all that time! I'd even been swinging the cabbage about because it was awkward to hold. Thank goodness the ring hadn't flown off somewhere. If it had fallen into another cabbage, would we have had to search the whole farm for it?

 

“I love you, Pei. I don't want to sleep alone any more.”

 

“P'Erng…”

 

“I promise I'll love you and take good care of you. I'll never make you sad again. Will you marry a golden cabbage like me? This is the most expensive cabbage in the world. I guarantee it.”

 

Look at him, teasing himself too. Sigh… What could I possibly do?

 

“Put the ring on, then. I'm not letting you change your mind now.”

 

At last, a ring with a small diamond was on my finger. P'Erng's proposal might have been a bit ridiculous, but I loved it. It showed how much attention he paid to me. He hadn't needed a bouquet of flowers when he could give me the cabbage I loved instead. He hadn't needed to create some grand romantic setting because the cabbage farm already made me so happy. And best of all, there was a diamond in the ring! P'Erng had behaved like a properly rich man, just the way I liked.

 

“Here. A present for agreeing to marry me.”

 

“A set of forty lottery tickets!”

 

“The last two digits are today's date—the day I proposed to you.”

 

P'Erng was so adorable I could barely stand it!

 

“Now we'll have to compete with P'Eurn to see whether Chofa's auspicious number or our special date wins.”

 

“P'Eurn won't win. He definitely isn't coming to Khao Kho with us. Just the two of us is enough.”

 

“All right.”

 

I loved everything about being there, even though there wasn't much to do. We ordered some simple food from a local restaurant, and P'Erng held me while we watched detective dramas. Throughout our time in Khao Kho, all we did was cuddle, walk around the cabbage farm and get intimate until we were exhausted. P'Erng even suggested making love in the cabbage farm, but I was too embarrassed. Even if nobody saw us, I'd have died of shame. So that plan was abandoned.

 

When I went back to work on Monday, I was practically surrounded by an enormous aura of happiness. Pong immediately asked if something good had happened. Naturally, I showed off my wedding ring, with real diamonds all around it.

 

“No wonder your husband-bragging aura is even stronger than usual. Congratulations, mate. Bloody hell, you're settling down at last. That just leaves me and Minnie to keep working on our relationship.”

 

Pong sighed and ate the stir-fried noodles we'd made from the instant noodles we'd bought in bulk. Mine were much the same, except I'd added plenty of cabbage.

 

“P'Erng bought me lottery tickets too. The last digits are the date he proposed. I've definitely got to win this time!”

 

“Ever since you started buying lottery tickets, I've only seen you win once. That was the draw when the boss won four million.”

 

“It's my turn now! The god of fortune has finally come round to me. When I win this draw, I'll take you to a hotel buffet.”

 

The lottery draw was today. There weren't many visitors at the office that afternoon, so I secretly watched the live draw, waiting anxiously through the fifth prize, the first and last three-digit numbers, the last two digits, and finally the first prize…

 

Oh, well. It wasn't the first time I hadn't won anything. I sent P'Erng a LINE message, and he replied with a laughing sticker.

 

[Having me as your husband is like Pei winning a billion-baht lottery.]

 

Look at the man! So full of himself! But it was true, so I wasn't too disappointed about the lottery. P'Erng even messaged to say he would take me on a boat trip that evening to cheer me up. With such a wonderful husband, who needed to win the lottery?

 

I love P'Erng so much. <3

 

Ringggg…

 

The desk phone rang. I put down my mobile, which I'd been using to chat with P'Erng on LINE, and answered.

 

“Araya Head Office. Good afternoon.”

 

“Pei, it's me.”

 

“Yes, P'Eurn. Who would you like me to transfer you to?”

 

“I'm calling you, Pei. I've got something to tell you.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Get ready to go to Khao Kho next week. I've won the lottery.”

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“Fifth prize. Khun Nid has checked it for me. Right, get ready for the trip, and tell Erng for me too.”

 

Those two brothers, with their matching names, kept winning so much money in the lottery!

 

The fifth prize was 20,000 baht per ticket. A set of forty tickets… Twenty thousand times forty… Eight hundred thousand baht! Aaaaargh! Why hadn't I accepted them? Why?! Whyyyy?!

 

Pei was so annoyed! Just wait. Next year, I was definitely going to buy lottery tickets when Chofa held its event too!