In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 15: On Sale

P’Erng had spent the entire day in bed feeling ill, so that evening we went down to the supermarket to buy a few things. For some reason, he'd suddenly decided he wanted sukiyaki. And he'd even told me I could put as much cabbage in it as I liked!

 

We didn't have to use separate pots!

 

If I'd known that this version of P’Erng, the one who was trying to court me, would stop discriminating against cabbage, I'd have started flirting with him ages ago!

 

Whenever we went out for shabu-shabu and had one of those divided pots, he always forbade me from cooking cabbage on his side. But now I could have as much cabbage as I wanted!

 

Organic cabbage, too!

 

No need to worry about chemicals!

 

Being courted was wonderful. It was like receiving special privileges. I could be as spoilt and demanding as I liked. There was a spotlight shining down on me and my cabbages. We would love each other forever!

 

“Pei, two or three cabbages are enough. We won't be able to eat them all before they go off.”

 

See?!

 

There were still villains trying to interfere with our love!

 

P’Erng took some of my cabbages out of the trolley and put them back on the shelf, leaving me with only three. He acted like he was being generous, but deep down he was still discriminating against my cabbages!

 

“Don't look so miserable. I'm not forbidding you from buying them. But if we can't eat them all before they spoil, we'll just have to throw them away.”

 

“Pei can eat them in time.”

 

“The cabbages are at my flat. Why don't you move back in with me? Then I'll let you buy every single one of them.”

 

P’Erng was flirting with me right in front of the cabbage display, wearing that wicked little smile of his. Meanwhile, I was practically a cabbage exploding into pieces. How could he just casually invite me to live with him?!

 

We weren't even together!

 

Besides, I'd already decided to go back to my own flat. P’Erng was better now, and I had to stay strong. Even though Pong had told me to join forces with P’Erng, I still didn't entirely understand what he meant. Oh!

 

That's right!

 

I needed to tell P’Erng about Khun Ta.

 

“P’Erng, Pei suspects something.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Was Khun Ta the reason Pei and P’Erng couldn't stay together? Or did P’Erng genuinely not want Pei living with him any more?”

 

“I want to live with Pei.”

 

“Answer the first question too, please.”

 

“Why do you think it was Khun Ta? And stop staring at the cabbages. Go and choose some other vegetables. Until you move back in with me, you're not allowed to buy too many.”

 

Ugh... But I wanted just one more cabbage. Reluctantly, I tore myself away from the cabbages and went to choose some Chinese leaves instead. But P’Erng said we didn't need many other vegetables because the cabbages would probably fill the entire pot. They wouldn't!

 

There was definitely room for another cabbage or two.

 

“Well, about Khun Ta... He brought Pei an employment contract to sign. He said Pei had to work to repay a debt of three million baht, that Pei wasn't allowed to resign for three years, and that Pei had to move out too. P’Erng wasn't coming home at all during that time, so Pei moved out like Khun Ta told him to. Pei didn't want to be a nuisance to P’Erng.”

 

Remembering those days made my heart ache. Back then, it had felt as though my entire world had disappeared. I'd cried while packing my clothes. I'd cried while packing my belongings. I'd even packed the cabbage from the fridge.

 

And I'd taken Itchy with me. Every single day of my life had included P’Erng. Then, suddenly, one day... He was gone.

 

“P’Erng is sorry.”

 

My thoughts came to a halt when P’Erng, who'd been pushing the trolley ahead of me, turned around and pulled me into his arms. I buried myself against him and started crying. How on earth had I managed to get through those days?

 

I'd cried every day. I couldn't eat. I'd cried and cried until I had nothing left.

 

“P’Erng really loves Pei, doesn't he? You're not allowed to lie! Waaah!”

 

“P’Erng loves Pei.”

 

“And you really don't love Milan?”

 

“No. I only love Paop ei. I'm sorry I brought Milan into this and made you worry. It was my fault. Back then, I wanted to find someone who could replace you.”

 

If P’Erng had believed I didn't love him and we'd already broken up, then technically he hadn't done anything wrong by getting to know Milan. After all, once I was out of his life, he had every right to find someone new. Still... I couldn't help feeling a little possessive.

 

“Pei isn't angry. Because Pei secretly thought about starting a cabbage farm and using the profits to keep handsome men! Pei was going to choose a different one every day. By then, Pei would be richer than P’Erng and could have anyone he wanted. Pei would be a cabbage tycoon!”

 

P’Erng pushed me away slightly, frowned and burst out laughing.

 

“You've told me that before. You said I was your casual lover. One of the men you kept in reserve.”

 

“You still are! You're not allowed to argue with Pei. Pei really will go and choose someone new!”

 

“All right. P’Erng won't argue. I'll do absolutely everything Pei tells me.”

 

P’Erng smiled. Bloody hell, he was handsome. I felt a little embarrassed that I'd suddenly burst into tears in the middle of the supermarket. We continued choosing our groceries, but I felt so much better after finally saying what had been on my mind.

 

“As for Khun Ta and the contract, I'll take care of that. You don't need to worry. Once we've finished eating sukiyaki, we'll look at the contract together, and I'll explain where things went wrong.”

 

“Pei's frightened that Khun Ta doesn't have good intentions towards P’Erng. Even though Pei is poor, Pei doesn't want a single baht of P’Erng's money! Pei doesn't want P’Erng buying him things either. Pei is the most trustworthy person in the whole world!”

 

“You should want something from me, though.”

 

“Apart from cabbage, Pei doesn't really want anything.”

 

“Don't you want me? I'm on sale, you know. Home delivery included.”

 

Waaaaah!

 

Why was he being so adorable?!

 

I was dying of embarrassment!

 

Oh, my God!

 

Being courted was absolutely brilliant!

 

“Pei has a discount code for the orange shopping app. Can Pei order P’Erng through that instead? Maybe Pei could get an even bigger discount.”

 

“What's the orange app?”

 

“It's a shopping app. For buying things online.”

 

“You're really going to buy me through an online shopping app? You might have to compete with other buyers, you know. I'm a premium product. But if Pei buys me right here, right now, there won't be any competition. No payment required upfront. Try now, pay in instalments later. If you're not satisfied, you don't have to pay. However, there's no returns policy. Once you've bought me, I'm yours for good.”

 

“Not buying. Pei isn't interested yet.”

 

P’Erng laughed and gently rocked my head from side to side. I was so embarrassed I could barely stand it.

 

“Are you sure you don't want to buy?”

 

“Not buying.”

 

“Would you like to reserve me, then?”

 

“No! No reservations either, P’Erng! Pei isn't giving in that easily!”

 

“That's all right. I'll try selling myself again another time. I've managed to sell houses worth hundreds of millions, so surely I'll manage to sell myself to Pei one day. Next time, I'll offer an even better promotion.”

 

“What promotion?”

 

“Buy me and get my surname free.”

 

“P’Erngggg! Stop flirting with me!”

 

Oh, someone on that orange shopping app, please hurry up and buy P’Erng already!

 

He was flirting absolutely shamelessly!

 

And whenever I became embarrassed, P’Erng seemed delighted. He smiled until his eyes narrowed into little crescents, revealing the tiny crow's feet at their corners. He finally stopped flirting. Only to take my hand and lead me back upstairs with him instead.

 

“No holding hands either!”

 

“I'm just letting you try the product before you buy.”

 

This man was far too good at selling himself!

 

After we'd finished eating sukiyaki, I made sure P’Erng had another shower and took his medicine. He tried to be stubborn and refused to take it, claiming he was completely better. As if I'd believe that!

 

And he wasn't even allowed to sulk because I was currently his most important prospective customer. Actually, he'd already started sulking when I refused to let him drink beer. How could someone who was ill drink beer?!

 

He could have orange juice instead!

 

I'd squeezed every last orange into juice because he complained that his throat hurt and didn't want to eat orange segments. Although I didn't understand how soft oranges could possibly hurt his throat. Maybe the fibres irritated him. Anyway, I took the hand of my secretly sulking lion, who couldn't openly complain, and led him back to my flat so we could look at the contract together. P’Erng's bag was still sitting in the middle of my living room, exactly where he'd left it.

 

Itchy was lying motionless on the sofa. I couldn't resist picking him up and giving him a good cuddle. I'd never had a doll or toy of my own when I was younger. My parents always said they were pointless and too expensive. Itchy was the only one I'd ever had.

 

I'd won him in a lucky draw. My smiling lion plushie.

 

“He's completely worn out, Pei.”

 

Itchy had become a rather scruffy old toy. He hadn't been particularly good quality to begin with, just a cheap stuffed animal from a fairground stall. But I couldn't bring myself to throw him away. I'd spent so many nights hugging him instead of P’Erng.

 

“Mm. I don't think he can even be repaired any more.”

 

When I'd been trying to let go of P’Erng, I'd attempted to throw Itchy away. But I simply couldn't do it. I put Itchy down and went to find the contract for P’Erng. We sat together in front of the television. P’Erng read through the contract, page by page.

 

Meanwhile, being the clueless idiot that I was, I stared out towards the balcony. Across the way, P’Erng's flat was completely dark. But tonight, I didn't have to wonder where he was. Because he was right here with me. It felt wonderful.

 

“Right. I understand now. Can I take this copy of the contract with me?”

 

“So there really is something wrong with it, P’Erng? Khun Ta didn't have good intentions, did he? Does he dislike Pei? Or does he want P’Erng to date a woman? Or maybe—”

 

“Pei. Trust me, all right? I'll take care of it.”

 

P’Erng reached out and covered my mouth with his hand. My mind had already come up with a thousand different possibilities. I was worried about everything. But when P’Erng smiled at me, I began to feel that perhaps things weren't quite as terrible as Pong had made them sound.

 

“Come on. Let's go back to my room.”

 

“Pei's already in his room.”

 

“Then let's go back to our home.”

 

Oh, for goodness' sake!

 

Someone please take Mr Achitphon away and lock him up somewhere far away!

 

“We don't have a home together! Pei's sleeping with Itchy tonight. P’Erng can go back by himself.”

 

“I'm still ill. Come with me, please.”

 

P’Erng leaned against my shoulder. Oh, so now he was ill again?

 

Who was the person who'd refused his medicine earlier because he claimed he'd recovered?

 

“No. Pei is sleeping in Pei's own room.”

 

“All right. Then I'll sleep here with Pei. I've already had a shower.”

 

And just like that, P’Erng picked up Itchy and walked straight into my bedroom. I protested, but he completely ignored me. He even climbed into bed, pulled the duvet over himself and started making fake snoring noises. Where had the old P’Erng gone?!

 

“P’Erng, stop messing about!”

 

“P’Erng is sleepy. Go and have your shower, then come to bed.”

 

I tried pulling him out of bed, but what chance did I have?

 

I barely reached his shoulder!

 

And instead of moving, P’Erng grabbed me and pulled me down on top of him, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

 

“P’Erng, let Pei gooooo!”

 

“Not letting go. I'm not letting you go anywhere again.”

 

Our faces were only inches apart. P’Erng opened his eyes and looked straight into mine. I could see my own reflection in his eyes. A whole swarm of butterflies seemed to flutter around inside my stomach. I was the first to look away.

 

“Pei needs to have a shower. Let go, please.”

 

“I don't want you to leave.”

 

“Pei stinks of sukiyaki! And washing-up liquid!”

 

“If I let go, will you let me sleep here? I promise I won't wriggle around. I'll sleep properly.”

 

Wow. He actually had the nerve to say that!

 

Whenever he slept, he was like a lion pouncing on a deer. I couldn't move. I couldn't wriggle. He wrapped himself around me so tightly that I couldn't budge an inch. And if I so much as shifted, the lion would devour me whole!

 

“Pei is putting a bolster pillow between us. P’Erng isn't allowed to cross the line!”

 

“What if Pei crosses over to my side instead?”

 

“Pei sleeps more properly than P’Erng! Pei doesn't move at all!”

 

Because I'd never been able to move!

 

I hadn't dared!

 

Otherwise, I wouldn't have got any sleep. Of course, on nights when I'd wanted to be sweet with P’Erng, I might have wriggled around a little.

 

Hehe.

 

But there would definitely be none of that now!

 

1. Was. Not. Giving. In!

 

“Heh. All right, go and have your shower.”

 

I spent longer than usual in the shower because I needed to wash my hair. By the time I came out, P’Erng seemed to have fallen asleep. His medicine probably made him drowsy too. So I quietly went into the kitchen to dry my hair. My kitchen was tiny compared with P’Erng's.

 

Well, obviously. My flat only had one bedroom and one bathroom. There was a wall separating the living area from the bedroom, a small dining table for two, and a sliding door that opened into the narrow kitchen. But I liked my little flat. At least it was genuinely my home.

 

When I'd lived with P’Erng in his flat, I'd never really felt that it belonged to me. This place was different. Even though P’Erng had bought it for me, it felt like my own safe space. Somewhere I could relax. Somewhere I could sit and eat cabbage, my personal comfort food.

 

Eating cabbage always made me happy. P’Erng had once been my happiness too. Then, one day, I'd lost him. And for a long time afterwards, he hadn't been a source of happiness at all. Now that we'd discovered this misunderstanding between us, I still didn't quite know how to deal with our relationship.

 

But if P’Erng and I had spoken properly back then, perhaps I wouldn't have spent so long feeling miserable. I'd suffered for so long that I'd eventually started believing I could live perfectly well on my own. I'd even managed to become a fan of Milan. I thought I'd finally reached the end of my heartbreak. Just as I was about to move on completely, P’Erng had pulled me back.

 

That was why I still wasn't sure what I wanted. But one thing I knew for certain was that I didn't hate P’Erng. At the time, our relationship had ended for reasons we'd both believed were real. What hurt now was discovering that those reasons hadn't actually come from P’Erng himself. Why had Khun Ta interfered?

 

Why had things turned out this way?

 

Why had I spent so long being heartbroken?

 

I was angry with myself too. Why hadn't I spoken to P’Erng properly in the first place?

 

Why hadn't we talked?

 

I was angry with P’Erng for making assumptions. But then again, I'd made plenty of assumptions myself. If P’Erng was an overthinking lion, then I must have been an overthinking cabbage. Maybe I should have been more bad-tempered back then. The moment I'd seen that contract, I should have marched straight over to P’Erng and smacked him over the head with it.

 

I should have made a fuss. Shouted at him. Started a proper argument!

 

“Pei and Erng have never argued, have you? That's not good, you know. Couples need to argue sometimes so they can understand each other. When something upsets you, you need to speak up. Even if it turns into an argument, at least the other person will know how you feel.”

 

P’Ein's words from a conversation we'd once had came drifting back into my thoughts. That's right. We'd never argued. I'd never complained when P’Erng stopped coming home. So I hadn't known he was sleeping at a hotel.

 

Instead, I'd assumed he was staying with someone else. Meanwhile, P’Erng had assumed I didn't love him. If he hadn't given up so easily and had come after me, perhaps we'd finally have talked things through.

 

“Pei... Come to bed now.”

 

P’Erng slid open the kitchen door, making me switch off the hairdryer.

 

“Why have you dried your hair until it's all sticking up on one side?”

 

“P’Erng, Pei has made a decision.”

 

“What about?”

 

“Pei is going to argue with P’Erng! Lots and lots! That way, whenever we argue, we can clear things up and understand each other better. We'll argue about absolutely everything so we never misunderstand each other again!”

 

“All right. I'll keep arguing with Pei as much as he likes. But for now, perhaps you should stop arguing with your hairdryer. Your hair's sticking up everywhere. And only on one side!”

 

“Really?!”

 

I jumped up and ran into the bedroom, heading straight for the bathroom mirror.

 

HOLY SHIT!

 

The hair on the right side of my head was sticking up as though I'd been electrocuted!

 

It was completely dry and frizzy. Even when I grabbed a comb and tried to flatten it, it refused to stay down.

 

“P’Erng! Pei's hair is all fluffy!”

 

He was supposed to share both my happiness and my suffering, you know!

 

“You can wash it again when you wake up in the morning.”

 

How was I supposed to go to work looking like this?!

 

Oh, God!

 

Now I'd have to get up and wash my hair all over again tomorrow morning!

 

I pulled a face as though my life was over. But P’Erng merely leaned against the doorway, looking completely unbothered.

 

“Ugh. I can't be bothered getting up early.”

 

“I'll wake you.”

 

“P’Erng gets up even later than Pei!”

 

What nonsense was he talking about?!

 

Mr Achitphon was always getting up late because he could go into work whenever he pleased. But Mr Parncheewa had to clock in using the fingerprint scanner before half past eight!

 

“I promise I'll get up early with Pei.”

 

“Pei is fed up.”

 

“Stop being fed up. Washing your hair in the morning will fix it. Come on, let's go to bed.”

 

I decided to leave the problem of my ridiculous hair until morning and went back to bed. The moment my back touched the mattress, the lion pounced. Once again, I found myself trapped in his arms. What happened to the man who'd promised not to cross the bolster pillow?

 

I hadn't even had a chance to put the pillow between us!

 

“P’Erngggg! What happened to your promise?!”

 

“I have to wake up earlier than usual tomorrow, so I need to recharge my energy first. If I don't cuddle Pei, I won't have enough energy to get up early.”

 

Oh, for fuck's sake!

 

That had absolutely nothing to do with anything!

 

I tried wriggling away, but he wouldn't let go. And I didn't dare struggle too much either. My safety tonight depended on it!

 

Oh, well. For the sake of tomorrow morning, when P’Erng would have to drag himself out of bed early and spend the whole time looking grumpy, I supposed I could let him cuddle me. Just wait!

 

I'd make sure to snore so loudly that the whole room shook!

 

“Sweet dreams, my little cabbage.”

 

“Pei isn't P’Erng's cabbage...”

 

“Heh, heh. All right. If you say you're not, then you're not.”

 

But sleeping in P’Erng's arms was so wonderfully warm. Even if I did wake up with cramp all over my body.