In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 14: Throwback

“Can you forgive me? Even if it's just because I misunderstood and thought you'd never loved me at all?”

 

My eyes widened as I stared at P’Erng, so confused that I forgot to carry on crying. Why would P’Erng say something like that?

 

But he definitely wasn't lying to me. He was sitting right here, in front of me. We were holding hands, and his eyes were full of regret.

 

“W-Why does P’Erng think Pei doesn't love him? If Pei didn't love P’Erng, who else would Pei love? Pei only has P’Erng.”

 

“And I only have Pei. Why did you think I loved someone else? Why did you leave me? Why didn't we stay together?”

 

“P’Erng loves Pei?”

 

“P’Erng loves Pei.”

 

“Pei loves P’Erng too. But Pei doesn't love him any more.”

 

“That's all right. Knowing that we loved each other back then is enough. At least now I know I wasn't the only one in love.”

 

And then I started crying again. Why did he have to say something like that?

 

I didn't even know how I felt any more. It was as though I was standing in the middle of a huge storm, being blown in every direction. If we loved each other, then why?

 

Why had everything turned out like this? Why had we separated?

 

Everything was so confusing. Why did it have to be so difficult? Couldn't we just love each other and stay together?

 

“Stop crying now. Your eyes are all swollen, Pei.”

 

“Pei feels awful. Pei's confused. What actually happened? Why is everything such a mess?”

 

“You don't have to work it all out straight away. It's late, so let's get some sleep first. We'll sort this out together, little by little. We can go back over what happened and figure out where things went wrong. As for whether we love each other or not, that's not such a big issue.”

 

P’Erng smiled. He smiled as though the problem that had left us both so confused was something tiny. As though me telling him I didn't love him wasn't a big deal either. Even though I was the one who'd said I didn't love him first, why did it hurt so much?

 

Why was I upset that P’Erng seemed completely unbothered?

 

“I can start courting Pei all over again. Actually, I've already been trying for a while now. Please consider giving P’Erng a chance.”

 

“Huh? P’Erng has been courting Pei?”

 

“Yes.”

 

The thing was, P’Erng and I had never really had a courting stage in our relationship. It was as though we'd skipped straight to living together. Then we spent our relationship constantly at odds before eventually breaking up. I'd been absolutely devastated, while P’Erng had gone off and found someone new. Then, somehow, I'd ended up becoming a thorn in his new boyfriend's side, causing them to break things off.

 

And now P’Erng was courting me.

 

“Did Pei make P’Erng and Milan break up?”

 

“Milan and I weren't actually together. We were just getting to know each other because I wanted to forget about you. But in the end, I still loved Pei. Keeping Milan around would only have hurt him more, so we ended things because I wanted to pursue you.”

 

Aaaaaah!

 

Why was my face suddenly so hot?

 

P’Erng's words made my heart race. Hang on a minute!

 

He wasn't allowed to do this!

 

I didn't love him any more, remember?

 

Stop beating so fast, stupid heart!

 

“Pei... Pei won't give in so easily! Pei is very difficult to win over.”

 

“That's all right. I'll do my best. Come on, let's go to bed.”

 

I followed P’Erng, holding his hand, feeling completely bewildered. Hang on. We hadn't actually made up, had we?

 

I hadn't agreed to get back together with him. I'd already said I wasn't going to give in easily. So why did I feel like this?

 

Like I was floating on air?

 

Even though I was confused, I hadn't forgotten that P’Erng needed to take his medicine. He always kept his migraine tablets in the drawer of the glass table. Whenever he had a headache, I'd fetch his medicine and some water.

 

“P’Erng, don't forget to take your medicine. Pei's going back to his room now.”

 

“I'm not letting you go.”

 

“W-Whoa!”

 

Not only did he refuse to take the medicine, but he wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me straight off the floor and carried me away. Then he tossed me onto the bed. The medicine went flying out of my hand. I had no idea where it landed. All I knew was that I'd just been pounced on by a lion.

 

P’Erng pulled the duvet over both of us before wrapping his arms and legs around me. Here we go again!

 

Whenever he got like this, it was a warning that I wasn't allowed to upset the sleepy lion. P’Erng had transformed into a lion running on low battery. Do not disturb!

 

“Sleepy.”

 

“But your medicine...”

 

“P’Erng is sleepy. P’Erng has a headache too.”

 

“If you take your medicine, you'll feel better...”

 

“Don't want to feel better. Want Pei to look after me.”

 

“Ugh... Pei can barely look after himself!”

 

P’Erng chuckled softly, making me feel shy. No!

 

I wasn't supposed to be embarrassed!

 

I was supposed to be resisting him!

 

Although, to be fair, resisting wasn't exactly practical right now. If I struggled, I might end up getting bitten to death right here in bed.

 

“You little cabbage.”

 

“P’Erng is the cabbage!”

 

“Mm... I'm Pei's golden cabbage.”

 

Bloody hell!

 

How did he know that?!

 

When had I accidentally said that out loud?

 

That was supposed to be something I called him inside my head!

 

I must have looked completely stunned because he laughed, gave my ear a little squeeze and tightened his embrace until I could barely move.

 

“Goodnight, Pei.”

 

I didn't know whether P’Erng had actually fallen asleep or was only pretending, but I was starting to feel sleepy myself. I'd slept in this bed for years. And the truth was, I'd become rather addicted to cuddling P’Erng. I loved it when he slept like this, with his arms and legs wrapped around me. It made me feel as though I was receiving an enormous amount of love.

 

Even though, in reality, P’Erng hadn't loved me at all. Well, that was what I'd believed back then, before I knew he loved me. But now that I knew\... I was so happy. Still!

 

That didn't mean we'd got back together!

 

I didn't even know what was happening yet. P’Erng was still technically someone else to me. This was just... Practice for having a casual boyfriend!

 

That's all!

 

If P’Erng was going to be my casual boyfriend, then of course he'd have to cuddle me like this. Because if we didn't get back together, I was going to pay for some handsome man to sleep beside me and cuddle me anyway. So this was just practice. Really, just practice!

 

Unfortunately, P’Erng became seriously ill. He genuinely suffered from migraines, yet he'd refused to take his medicine. At four in the morning, he woke up vomiting. Sometimes his headaches became so severe that they made him sick, but I'd never once got used to seeing it. Sitting in the bathroom, rubbing P’Erng's back while he was being sick...

 

I hated it.

 

“Pei told you to take your medicine, but you wouldn't listen. P’Erng is so stubborn.”

 

“I didn't think it would hurt this much.”

 

We sat leaning against the bathroom wall in front of the toilet. I held a damp flannel and gently wiped his face.

 

“P’Erng, let's go to the hospital.”

 

“I'll be fine once I've taken my medicine. Stop crying.”

 

P’Erng took the flannel from me and wiped my face instead. He looked utterly exhausted. P’Erng wasn't someone who fell ill easily. Apart from his migraines, he was almost never unwell. But whenever he did become ill, it usually meant a trip to the hospital.

 

“Pei's worried! P’Erng needs to eat vegetables, have his meals at proper times and get enough sleep. Migraines happen because of stress, you know! Why are you so stressed? You mustn't get stressed! Waaah!”

 

“Yes, yes. I understand. Didn't I tell you to stop crying? Come on, stop making a fuss.”

 

“But P’Erng is ill! Pei's worried!”

 

“It's not as though I want to be stressed. I've just had a lot on my mind lately. I can't help it.”

 

“What's making P’Erng so stressed?”

 

“I'm stressed because Pei doesn't love me.”

 

“P’Erngggg!”

 

Why was he flirting with me in the bathroom?!

 

And why did this P’Erng seem like a completely different person from the one I'd known before?

 

He'd never behaved like this with me during our relationship. Not until everything between us had ended. And now that he wanted to court me, he was doing all sorts of ridiculous things!

 

“Come on. I don't think I'm going to be sick again. Can I have my medicine now? P’Erng won't be stubborn with Pei any more.”

 

There he went again, calling himself P’Erng in that sweet little voice!

 

He was a grown man!

 

Why was he acting like this?

 

What a lunatic!

 

P’Erng finally took his medicine without complaining, and we went back to sleep. His body still felt a little warm, though. I decided that I'd ring work in the morning and take the day off so I could stay with him. If he became seriously ill, I could call an ambulance. I was frightened that his condition might get worse while I wasn't there.

 

Whenever P’Erng was ill, I always stayed at home with him. I was practically an expert at taking him to hospital. I'd even saved the hospital's telephone number as one of my emergency contacts. One reason P’Erng's bedroom was almost completely dark was that his eyes were extremely sensitive to light. P’Erng had once told me that people who suffered from migraines were particularly sensitive to brightness.

 

Apparently, sleeping in a dark, quiet room was best. That was why his bedroom curtains were so thick. It was also the reason he'd bitten me that first night. The room had been pitch-black!

 

I let P’Erng sleep on his side of the bed and moved a little further away so I wouldn't disturb him. But before I could fall asleep, the lion's claws reached out and dragged me back into his embrace. And there I was, wrapped up in his arms and legs again. Some nights when we slept together, half my body would end up with a cramp. P’Erng didn't simply cuddle me.

 

It was more like he was trying to merge his entire body with mine. I could barely breathe, buried against his chest while he squeezed me as tightly as a python. But I was used to it. So used to it, in fact, that those first few nights without him had been unbearable. I'd cried and cried until I couldn't cry any more.

 

Eventually, things had started to improve. It had felt like a wound slowly healing. But before it could heal completely, P’Erng had pulled me right back to where I'd started. And I realised... Sleeping in P’Erng's arms really was the best feeling in the world.

 

It reminded me of something I'd once heard people say. In the end, the person who makes you smile is often the very same person who makes you cry.

 

“P’Erng, eat your food first.”

 

For the time being, the issue between P’Erng and me had been pushed aside. P’Erng had a fever, although it wasn't particularly high, so he refused to see a doctor. Instead, he sat in front of the television like a grumpy lion. He wouldn't eat anything, claiming he had no appetite. But he needed to take his medicine.

 

Which meant it was down to me to deal with this sulky lion.

 

“Open wide! Aaaaah!”

 

P’Erng narrowed his eyes at me, but obediently opened his mouth and accepted a spoonful of rice and omelette. P’Erng hated rice soup. Absolutely hated it. He didn't like anything with a mushy texture. Rice soup, congee, anything like that.

 

The only time I got to eat those things was when P’Erng wasn't around. Honestly, Mr Achit was such a fussy eater!

 

“Once you've finished, Pei will peel an orange for you. Vitamin C will help you get better.”

 

The sick lion pouted at me. He was probably preparing to whinge about eating that too. The reason I liked oranges so much was actually because of P’Erng. I knew he liked firm, crunchy fruit, such as guavas, rose apples and mangoes. But when I'd first moved into the Araya household, P’Ein had secretly whispered to me that oranges were P’Erng's favourite.

 

Apparently, he loved drinking orange juice.

 

“In that case, Pei will squeeze some orange juice instead. P’Erng can drink that, all right?”

 

“Mm.”

 

Whenever P’Erng was ill, he became unbearably clingy. Maybe it was because he was normally so busy with work that being forced to sit around doing nothing bored him. And his chosen victim was always me!

 

Every single time!

 

See?

 

I'd left him watching television on his own, but he only lasted a little while before wandering into the kitchen to bother me while I squeezed oranges. As long as he had something to fiddle with, he was satisfied.

 

“Why are you squeezing them by hand?”

 

My orange juicer was one of those simple ones with a raised, rigid cone on top and a bowl underneath to catch the juice. You had to press the orange down and twist it by hand. I'd bought it from Daiso. I hadn't intended to do any serious juicing, and I actually quite enjoyed pressing the oranges down whenever I had some spare time.

 

“I don't squeeze oranges that often. I bought it ages ago and hardly use it. It's quite fun doing it like this. Does P’Erng want to try?”

 

“Mm. Like this?”

 

W-Wait... Why did he have to stand directly behind me?!

 

He reached both arms around my body, practically hugging me from behind, and pressed the orange against the juicer. I knew I was short!

 

But P’Erng wasn't allowed to do things like this!

 

“Mm. Smells like oranges.”

 

“P’Erngggg! No sniffing! That's Pei's head, not an orange! Move away!”

 

“But you're standing in my way. This position is easier. Concentrate on squeezing the juice. If it tastes salty, it'll definitely be because of your grubby hands.”

 

“Move! Pei's not doing it any more!”

 

“Come on, make it for me. Let's do it together. P’Erng wants to drink orange juice made by Pei.”

 

Aaaaah!

 

The P’Erng I'd known for all those years couldn't even begin to compete with this new version who'd announced he was going to court me. Why did he have to use such a gentle voice all the time?!

 

My heart was beating so fast I thought I might faint. I didn't know how to behave around him any more!

 

Fortunately, P’Erng didn't bother me for very long. Once he grew bored of squeezing oranges, he went back to watching television. After he'd finished his orange juice and taken his medicine, I forced him to go back to bed. I couldn't sleep any more because I was used to getting up early for work. So I finally had some time to think properly about everything that had happened between P’Erng and me.

 

P’Erng had said he'd loved me all along. He'd said I was the one who left him. But... I hadn't abandoned him, had I?

 

P’Erng was the one who'd made me sign that contract. The one that left me in debt and required me to move out. Or... Was there something wrong with the contract?

 

Back then, P’Erng hadn't actually come and spoken to me directly. When the time came, I'd simply packed my things and moved out after Khun Ta told me the deadline had arrived and my new flat was ready. And P’Erng hadn't come looking for me afterwards. But if he'd believed I was the one who'd abandoned him, of course he wouldn't have come after me. I hadn't tried to stop him either, because I'd believed he didn't love me.

 

Throughout that entire situation, P’Erng and I had never actually spoken to each other ourselves. Everything had gone through Khun Ta. Wait... Could Khun Ta have been the reason P’Erng and I separated?

 

“Hello? What's up, Pei? Why haven't you come to wor—”

 

“Pong! I think I've figured out who made P’Erng and me break up! Listen, I've thought this through step by step. I'm not making random guesses this time. I'm definitely not! You have to listen, and I bet you'll find it suspicious too!”

 

“Hang on, hang on! Stop right there. What the hell are you talking about? I'm completely confused. Slow down!”

 

“I know why P’Erng and I broke up! P’Erng loved me! He didn't want us to separate! But Khun Ta wanted us to break up!”

 

“What would Khun Ta gain from that? It can't be an affair, surely. He's married with children, and everybody knows it. Unless he wants his daughter to marry Khun Erng? Or maybe he just hates you.”

 

“That's what I don't know! I think I'm going to look at the contract again. There must be something strange about it.”

 

“Or maybe...”

 

“Maybe what?”

 

“Khun Ta wants to seize the Araya family fortune!”

 

“What?”

 

“Think about it, Pei! If there really was something wrong with the contract, and it wasn't about an affair, then it could be a plan to steal the family's assets. Maybe he wanted to make Khun Erng so heartbroken that he'd completely fall apart, get blind drunk and sign away his shares, just like in a television drama! I watched one last night, and that's exactly what happened!”

 

“But that's a drama! This is real life!”

 

“Dramas are based on real life, you idiot! He got rid of you first because you were always by Khun Erng's side. You might have got in his way. More importantly, you might have figured out what he was planning!”

 

“Do I really look that clever?”

 

Pong let out such a loud sigh down the phone that I couldn't help thinking that if he had a cold, he'd probably have sprayed snot everywhere.

 

“When someone's planning to do something wrong, they've got to be suspicious of everyone! And Khun Erng loves you. You might even be named in his will. What if his fortune ended up going to you? Wouldn't it be better for Khun Ta if you two broke up and the money went to him instead? Khun Ein hardly ever goes into the company either, so everything would be easier.”

 

“Why does that sound so frightening?”

 

“Because the world is a cruel place, mate. I've told you before, money can't buy everyone unless there's enough of it! Trust me, this is a massive conspiracy. A million per cent corruption!”

 

“Then what am I supposed to do?”

 

“Easy! Make sure Khun Ta's plan fails. Then he won't be able to take over Araya. Once that happens, he'll show his true colours! That's what villains do in every drama. They try to separate the hero and heroine. So don't fall for his plan! Join forces with Khun Erng. Work together, think together and solve this together!”

 

“I don't think I'd be much help to P’Erng when it comes to making plans. To be honest, I still don't even understand what's happened. I'm completely confused.”

 

“I don't think Khun Erng expects you to save the nation and rebuild the family dynasty, mate. Just do what I said and stay put. Let him handle it. Everyone has different strengths. Someone running Araya is probably brilliant at solving problems. You're in public relations, so don't stress yourself out. If you were that capable, you'd be Tycoon Pei by now! Same goes for me. If I were brilliant, I'd be a department manager already! We've got to accept reality. If you're not good at something, don't go creating problems. End of story! Trying to fix things might only make them worse. Whatever happens, just tell Khun Erng. Tell him what you're thinking, what you like and what you don't like. Understand?”

 

“What's that got to do with anything?”

 

“Everything! If you tell each other everything, you'll understand each other better. Then go and defeat Khun Ta! Trust me, Khun Ta definitely sees you as a thorn in his side. That's why he wants to get rid of you. You've definitely got an important role in this drama! You need to join forces with Khun Erng!”

 

“But what about me playing hard to get with P’Erng? P’Erng said he wanted to court me, and I told him I wouldn't give in easily. Exactly like you told me to, Pong!”

 

“Oh, for fuck's sake! Forget about that for now! Things are getting dangerous! The Burmese army is about to invade, and you can't start sulking at a time like this! We need to defend against the enemy first! Khun Ta's about to smash Araya's rice pots! You've got to save the nation, Pei!”

 

“Didn't you just say P’Erng probably wouldn't want me to save the nation?”

 

“Bloody hell, you're giving me a headache! Right, listen. We're changing the plan because there's a bigger problem now. The Burmese army is invading! Forget about your relationship with P’Erng for a moment. Focus on Khun Ta trying to separate you two. Once you've defeated Khun Ta, you can let P’Erng start courting you again. Or you can even court him yourself!”

 

I nodded along enthusiastically with every word Pong said. He was absolutely right!

 

All of it made sense!

 

If Khun Ta really had bad intentions and wanted P’Erng and me to separate, then we needed to make up first so he couldn't get what he wanted. Everything else could wait.

 

“Got it! Thanks so much, Pong! You're a true friend!”

 

“Yeah, and don't go telling Khun Erng that I helped him save the nation. He might think I'm fishing for a bonus. I'm a sincere person! I value friendship! Friends come first, understand? Don't tell him! He might stop you talking to me because I know too much. He could decide I'm dangerous and fire me!”

 

“Okay, okay! I promise I won't say anything! Thank you so much, Pong. You're a true friend!”

 

“And you don't need to be all lovey-dovey with him straight away, all right? Just make things a bit better. Take it slowly so it doesn't feel forced. Understand? There's no rush.”

 

“Got it! But... I still don't really understand. What exactly am I supposed to do? Can you summarise it for me one more time?”

 

“That's enough for now, Pei. My battery's dead.”

 

“Wait, Pong! Hang on! What the hell?”

 

I tried ringing him back, but there was no signal. His battery really must have died. What was I supposed to do now?

 

I still didn't understand!

 

All I knew was that I'd got completely carried away. I felt strangely fired up and ready for battle. But I was still confused about what I was actually supposed to do. Oh, well. I'd wait for Pong to charge his phone and then ring him again.

 

Pongkhun deliberately switched off his phone. The longer that conversation went on, the worse his headache became. He left the corridor balcony, took the lift up to the executive floor and went to see the person who'd summoned him on his very first day at work. The same person who'd continued summoning him every week since then, demanding reports on the young man from the Araya household who sat smiling at the reception desk downstairs.

 

Pongkhun had known from the beginning that Paop ei was someone the Araya family kept a particularly close eye on. At first, he'd suspected the young man might be having some kind of secret relationship with Tycoon Achi. But judging from the way things looked, it seemed more like a father worrying about his son, or an uncle worrying about his nephew. To be fair, Paop ei really was someone worth worrying about. He was ridiculously easy to fool and far too trusting.

 

What was even more shocking was that Paop ei genuinely did have a special relationship with someone in the family. Just not the tycoon. It was the younger brother. No wonder Pongkhun kept receiving those murderous looks whenever they crossed paths or attended meetings.

 

“Pei said Khun Erng has asked permission to court him. It sounds as though the two of them have started talking properly again. What should we do next? Pei's suspicious about the contract, but I talked in circles until he was confused, then hung up.”

 

“We'll probably be found out before long. Erng isn't stupid. I just wanted him and Pei to have a little time to be sweet with each other first. That way, he'll have plenty of opportunities to see what a wonderful older brother I am, and perhaps he won't be so angry.”

 

“You promised Pei would never find out about my involvement.”

 

“Of course. So the fake third-party plan worked, then? That young man from the gold shop certainly gave Erng something to think about.”

 

“How did you even come up with the idea of making me talk about a friend who owns a gold shop?”

 

“To create a sense of rivalry. Araya sells diamonds, but they aren't our main business. We're not particularly well known in the diamond market, and the profits are almost negligible. Erng has been frustrated about that for some time.

 

“Diamonds and gold are both valuable, but they're different in nature. Gold has an advantage because it's more widely popular. People save by investing in gold, and its market price fluctuates in ways that attract far more attention than diamonds. Even Erng buys gold bars himself. So it's easy enough to provoke a sense of comparison or competition.”

 

“But what happens if Pei finds out my friend from the gold shop doesn't actually exist? The story about Milan previously dating that friend of mine isn't true either.”

 

“He won't find out. Pei has no interest in anyone apart from Erng. He doesn't genuinely want to get to know some young man from a gold shop. Pei was simply the messenger, carrying a warning to Erng that if he didn't do something soon, someone else might snatch away his little cabbage.”

 

Pongkhun stared at the psychiatrist, who was explaining everything in such a gentle voice, and felt goosebumps rise across his skin. If he had an older brother like this, he'd run away from home. The tycoon understood the behaviour of the people around him so thoroughly that he could use their reactions as tools. Thankfully, his intentions were good. If a man like this ever decided to do something malicious...

 

Pongkhun didn't even want to imagine it. Knowing how dangerous the tycoon could be, he wasn't particularly keen on opposing him directly. After all, he was only an employee. And because everything was being done with good intentions, he'd agreed to help out of consideration for the extra money. Ahem.

 

Friendship!

 

He was doing it for friendship!

 

Not money!

 

The tycoon had offered him the bonus of his own accord!

 

“As for Milan, Erng never loved him in the first place. And Milan wasn't exactly free to chase after him either. When two busy people try to get to know each other, things aren't going to progress that quickly.

 

“That makes the answer quite clear. Why would Milan cling to a man who didn't love him? Erng isn't foolish enough to date someone who's only interested in trapping him into a relationship. And Milan seems to be a decent person. I've happened to meet him two or three times.”

 

The way the tycoon said he happened to meet him made it sound suspiciously like those meetings had been deliberately arranged. Pongkhun was itching to say something sarcastic, but he chose to keep his mouth shut. It was better not to argue with Tycoon Achi. Otherwise, one day, he might find himself becoming the target of one of those elaborate schemes. Let the man scheme against someone else!

 

This was bloody terrifying.

 

“Well then, thank you very much, Pongkhun. You don't need to steer Pei in any particular direction any more. Erng needs to handle some things himself. After all, this is Pei and Erng's relationship. Outsiders like us shouldn't interfere.”

 

You've got some nerve saying that!

 

For goodness' sake, Tycoon!

 

You're the one who's been interfering from the very beginning!

 

If you hadn't meddled, they might already have got back together by now, filled the house with children and given you grandchildren all over the place!

 

And now you're saying outsiders shouldn't interfere?!