In Love With An Idiot

Chapter 12: Achittaphon

“When will Pei ever love me?”

 

Achittaphon gently pressed the tip of his nose against the forehead of the person sleeping soundly beside him, breathing in his scent before getting out of bed. It was another sleepless night. The situation had dragged on for years, like a stain that simply wouldn't wash away. They'd been living together for more than two years, yet Paobei had never once truly looked at him. Neither Pei's smiles nor the warmth in his eyes had ever belonged to Achittaphon.

 

From the moment he'd brought Pei to live with him, he still hadn't managed to make the younger man fall in love with him.

 

“How can you love P’Ein so much?”

 

He didn't even know how he'd managed to endure it for this long. These days, he only came home to sleep occasionally, sometimes every other night. On the remaining nights, he stayed at a hotel. He knew perfectly well that Pei didn't love him. Yet he couldn't bring himself to let him go.

 

The atmosphere between him and Pei was so different from the way Pei behaved around P’Ein. P’Ein didn't even have romantic feelings for Pei. That was precisely why Achittaphon had allowed himself to hope that one day the younger man might change his mind. Not once had Pei laughed wholeheartedly when they were together. He rarely made eye contact, often turning his face away.

 

Whenever Achittaphon touched him, kissed him or embraced him, Pei's body would become tense. And whenever he bought Pei something, the younger man would merely raise his hands in a respectful wai. It was completely different when P’Ein was around. P’Ein could hook an arm around Pei's neck and playfully wrestle him about. Whatever they talked about, Paobei would suddenly become cheerful and talkative.

 

Even the smallest gift from P’Ein could make his eyes light up with excitement. More than two years. Had it really been more than two years already?

 

Perhaps to Paobei, Achittaphon was nothing more than someone who had taken advantage of his circumstances, leaving him no choice but to agree to live with him. Sometimes Achittaphon wondered whether Pei was even happy here. Or whether he was simply desperate to leave.

 

“P’Eung, here's your coffee. Would you like a fried egg too? Pei can make one for you.”

 

It should have been an ordinary morning between a married couple. Or lovers. Even newlyweds. Any of those would have been fine. Yet with every passing day, the atmosphere only grew more suffocating.

 

Pei remained exactly the same. He took care of Achittaphon because he considered it his duty. Meanwhile, Achittaphon was beginning to feel as though he could barely breathe. It was like throwing a ball against a wall. No matter how much he gave, everything simply bounced back towards him.

 

And each day, it became more exhausting. Whatever Achittaphon did, Pei never responded in the way he hoped. Whether he came home every evening or disappeared for an entire week, Pei behaved the same way. He never asked where Achittaphon had been. Never called him.

 

Never asked him for anything. Never became angry. Never sulked. Perhaps because he'd never loved him in the first place.

 

“How are your studies going?”

 

“I'm trying really hard, but it's difficult.”

 

“Don't put too much pressure on yourself. As long as you pass, that's enough.”

 

“P’Ein said he'd buy Pei gold if I got an A.”

 

“But Pei isn't a greedy person, so I've never got an A!”

 

The moment P’Ein's name was mentioned, Pei's large eyes curved into delighted crescents. Achittaphon's large hand tightened around his coffee cup. Had it been made of glass, he might have crushed the bloody thing in his hand. Fortunately, it was ceramic.

 

“I'm going to work.”

 

“Let Pei tie your tie for you.”

 

It was those small, dutiful gestures of care that made it so difficult to let him go. But Achittaphon knew he couldn't continue like this forever. Eventually, he'd have to accept that Pei's happiness didn't lie in being with him. Pei probably wanted to be with P’Ein. But that was impossible.

 

P’Ein was in love with someone else. Achittaphon was afraid Pei would be heartbroken. Or perhaps he ought to let him experience that heartbreak. Maybe then, after being rejected, Pei would finally realise that the only person still standing beside him was Achittaphon. Pei, you've only got me.

 

Only me.

 

“Here are the plans for the organic cabbage farm, sir.”

 

“The land in Khao Kho is suitable for a high-roofed greenhouse where cabbage can be grown.”

 

“We could position it behind the holiday home you previously commissioned us to design, Khun Eung.”

 

“I'd recommend placing the house at the front of the plot. With the house facing this direction, it would receive a good breeze.”

 

“The greenhouse has temperature controls anyway, so it won't matter if it gets more sunlight at the back.”

 

“That way, the house won't become too hot.”

 

Achittaphon's sharp eyes studied the architectural plans. The holiday home was accompanied by a modestly sized greenhouse intended for growing cabbage. It wouldn't be large enough to operate as a proper commercial farm, especially if the produce was mainly for their own household with only a little sold elsewhere. But it would be a perfect hobby for Paobei.

 

“He won't be growing the cabbage himself all year round.”

 

“I just want him to be able to water the plants and look after them whenever we come here for a holiday.”

 

“Khun Ta, could you look into whether there are any local people willing to help grow the vegetables and take care of the house while we're away?”

 

“We'll probably have to wait another year before we can build anything.”

 

“The land needs filling and quite a lot of soil preparation.”

 

“There's no need to rush. I want everything to turn out as well as possible.”

 

“Of course, sir.”

 

“Are you getting bored of Sattahip? Is that why you want a holiday home in the mountains?”

 

“I don't particularly mind either way.”

 

“But Pei seems to be getting bored of the sea.”

 

“We've been going almost every month. Perhaps he's had enough of it.”

 

“I thought he might enjoy travelling somewhere different and trying a little farming.”

 

“Love certainly seems to have brightened you up, Khun Eung.”

 

“Not really. It's quite painful too.”

 

Achittaphon sighed.

 

“Khun Ta, how have you and your wife managed to keep your marriage going all these years?”

 

“It's only been a little over two years for me, and I'm already beginning to feel as though I can't take much more.”

 

“Haah… Looking at you reminds me of the old Chairman.”

 

“Khun Eung, you're very much like your father.”

 

“He used to come to me for advice about his wife too.”

 

“So I told him that my wife loved me so much because I'm handsome.”

 

“The Chairman wasn't particularly handsome, so naturally he had to work harder to win his wife's heart.”

 

Achittaphon laughed at his secretary's teasing. Khun Ta was approaching retirement age. He'd originally served as secretary to the previous Chairman of the Araya Group. Now he worked for Achittaphon. Strictly speaking, Khun Ta should have been looking after P’Ein.

 

But he'd only managed to work with the older brother for a year. P’Ein had felt sorry for him, having to sit around hospitals late into the night waiting to discuss work. At the time, P’Ein had been stationed at a hospital to fulfil his mandatory medical service.

 

“What a waste of Khun Ta's ability and experience.”

 

“Why don't you send him to help Eung instead?”

 

“I can find someone else.”

 

“Besides, I'm hardly ever free.”

 

“If his wife finds out I'm making him sit around the hospital waiting for me until the middle of the night, she'll probably come here and tear my head off!”

 

Achittaphon smiled at the memory.

 

“I'm still nowhere near as capable as Father was.”

 

“During the first year after he passed away, Araya's shares fell like a shooting star.”

 

“Several projects practically ground to a halt.”

 

“Luckily, P’Ein shamelessly went to Chofa to ask for a loan.”

 

“And they actually approved it, even though our company was in terrible trouble.”

 

“P’Ein being friends with the owner of the bank saved us.”

 

“If P’Ein hadn't become a doctor, Araya might have grown even bigger.”

 

“Bigger than I've managed to make it.”

 

“Strangely enough, I disagree.”

 

Khun Ta smiled.

 

“Khun Ein is far too kind-hearted, which makes him perfectly suited to being a doctor.”

 

“You should have more confidence in yourself, Khun Eung.”

 

“You're the one who resembles the Chairman.”

 

“And you're the one whose decisions have brought Araya to where it is today.”

 

“Under your management, I believe Araya will continue growing for many years to come.”

 

“If you praise me like that, I'll get carried away.”

 

Achittaphon laughed.

 

“Perhaps I should just kill P’Ein and steal his inheritance, eh, Khun Ta?”

 

He was joking, of course. Someone like P’Ein had more lives than a cat. The man was ridiculously shameless and stubborn. Then again, it was partly because of that shameless persistence that Chofa had agreed to lend Araya several hundred million baht during its financial crisis.

 

“Khun Ein certainly isn't easy to kill,” Khun Ta agreed.

 

“He's got skin as thick as a rhinoceros!”

 

“When I used to wait outside his examination room, he'd regularly get into arguments with patients.”

 

“He'd keep talking until the patients were so confused they eventually gave up and walked away!”

 

“If that happened nowadays, someone would film him and upload it to social media.”

 

“We'd have to run around trying to repair the damage to his reputation!”

 

“Ah, yes. Perhaps it's better for him to take over as Chairman one day.”

 

“At least that might force him to protect the company's image.”

 

“Try smiling like that more often, Khun Eung.”

 

“I guarantee Khun Pei will fall completely head over heels for you.”

 

“I'm more worried he'll run away.”

 

“I can never tell what he's thinking.”

 

“Work is easier than this.”

 

“Then why don't you ask him?”

 

“You're secretly planning an entire organic farm without telling him.”

 

“How is he supposed to know what you're thinking?”

 

“What if he runs away before you've finished building it?”

 

“You really are an expert at this, Khun Ta.”

 

“No wonder you've got three children.”

 

“There's an old saying that couples who quarrel a lot end up having lots of children.”

 

“Perhaps you should try following that advice and argue with Khun Paobei occasionally.”

 

“He barely even looks at my face.”

 

“If he didn't love you, he wouldn't still be living with you.”

 

“Have a little more confidence in yourself, Khun Eung.”

 

“Not only in business, but in your personal life too.”

 

“Can I have a kiss?”

 

“Don't you love Pei?”

 

“Pei loves P’Eung soooo much!”

 

“You're drunk, Pei.”

 

Achittaphon smiled at the intoxicated young man snuggling against him like a kitten. It was only when Pei was drunk that he laughed and smiled at Achittaphon. Only then did he behave as though they were in love. Even if he forgot everything by the following morning.

 

“Pei isn't drunk!”

 

“Pei can handle it!”

 

“Pei wants mooooore!”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To find P’Eung! Hehe!”

 

“But I'm right here.”

 

Achittaphon's strong arms wrapped around the drunken young man and pulled him onto his lap. A client had given him a bottle of European wine earlier that day, so he'd invited the little lightweight to have a drink with him. By the second glass, Pei had already started giggling. His alcohol tolerance was so poor that Achittaphon sometimes worried when he went out drinking with his friends. As a university student, it was only natural that he'd occasionally be invited out with them.

 

Fortunately, his little cabbage didn't particularly enjoy going out. He only joined them once in a while.

 

“P’Eung, stay with Pei, okay?”

 

“Where else would I go, hmm?”

 

“Give Pei a cuddle too.”

 

“Do you like it when I hold you?”

 

“Like it!”

 

“Pei likes everything!”

 

“Pei likes P’Eung!”

 

Pei's large eyes curved into narrow crescents. His smooth cheeks were flushed bright red from the wine. Achittaphon couldn't resist lowering his head to kiss him again and again. The evening passed slowly. Eventually, his little cabbage fell fast asleep, exhausted from being held so closely.

 

Only Achittaphon remained awake.

 

“I love you, Pei.”

 

“Just hold on a little longer.”

 

“Soon, you won't have to live with me anymore.”

 

“Please reserve this flat for me.”

 

“Certainly, sir.”

 

Achittaphon had come to inspect a condominium in the second phase of a development within the same compound as his current residence, although the two phases were situated on opposite sides. The side where he currently lived was considerably more expensive. Even a studio apartment cost more than the units in this newer phase. That was because his building offered facilities and communal areas comparable to those of a five-star hotel.

 

“Have it fully furnished and decorated as well.”

 

“Use light colours. Get our interior design team to take a look.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“When would you like everything completed, Khun Eung?”

 

“Would the end of this year be possible?”

 

“If you have customers who need to move in urgently, you can prioritise them.”

 

“There's no rush with this flat.”

 

“I'll coordinate everything and report back to Khun Ta.”

 

The project's head of sales made the necessary arrangements. The apartment Achittaphon was interested in was a Type B unit, with a selling price of fourteen million baht. However, Araya employees were entitled to a thirty per cent discount. Even executives had to purchase units at the same discounted rate.

 

“Will you be applying for a mortgage, Khun Eung, or paying in cash?”

 

“Cash.”

 

“Calculate the final price and send everything to Khun Ta.”

 

His sharp eyes carefully surveyed the room. There wasn't much to worry about. All Araya developments were built to high standards. And since this particular flat would belong to him, the chief engineer would undoubtedly inspect it personally.

 

“The parking arrangements for this building are different from those in the other phase, aren't they?”

 

“Yes, sir. We don't have individually reserved parking spaces.”

 

“Each flat receives one key card, which can be used to access the lifts, enter the unit and access the car park.”

 

“We've provided parking spaces for approximately seventy per cent of the units.”

 

“That's quite a high proportion compared with many of our other developments, which is partly why the price is higher.”

 

“It means residents rarely have problems finding parking.”

 

“And if necessary, there's enough room for double parking because we've made the spaces fairly generous.”

 

“Mm. Not every household owns a car anyway.”

 

“Thank you. I'll leave everything in your hands.”

 

“Oh, and make that two key cards, please.”

 

He'd already bought Pei a car. The condominium should be ready by the end of the year. By then, he'd have given the younger man everything he could. That way, even if they were no longer living together, Pei wouldn't have to struggle. It might have looked like kindness.

 

But deep down, Achittaphon knew there was selfishness behind it. If Paobei lived in this condominium, Achittaphon would still be able to see him every day. The younger man would remain within his sight. And if Pei ever needed anything, Achittaphon would still be there to help him. Please don't go any further away from me.

 

“What's been stressing you out lately, Eung?”

 

“Are Pei's tuition fees so expensive that you can't afford to pay them?”

 

Psychiatrist Achi Araya had just finished his shift. His hair was sticking up in every direction as he stood yawning in the doorway.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Why don't you go home and sleep?”

 

“There's nothing to eat in my flat.”

 

“So I've come to live off my little brother's generosity.”

 

“Your flat's always full of food.”

 

“After all, you've got a growing young man living here who needs feeding and looking after.”

 

“Come on, feed your big brother.”

 

“Help yourself to whatever you want.”

 

“Just don't take the cabbage or the oranges.”

 

“You don't even like them, yet you keep buying them.”

 

Achi shook his head.

 

“That's the trouble with being in love with a younger man.”

 

“Have you never thought about telling Pei that you don't actually like oranges?”

 

Achittaphon didn't particularly enjoy soft, juicy fruit. He preferred things that had some crunch, like guavas or firm mangoes. But Pei loved oranges. So Achittaphon regularly bought them. And whenever Pei peeled an orange and arranged the segments on a plate for him, he ate them.

 

Even though, as far as Achittaphon was concerned, oranges were better suited to being squeezed into juice.

 

“If I tell him I don't like them, he'll stop buying them because he'll think I won't eat them.”

 

“He enjoys them, so let him.”

 

“You spoil him rotten.”

 

“You never buy anything for your older brother!”

 

“I bought you an entire hospital. Wasn't that enough?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Right now, your older brother is feeling jealous.”

 

“I'm going to steal an orange.”

 

“Seeing them has suddenly made me want one.”

 

The reason Pei loved oranges was that P’Ein loved them. P’Ein was the sort of person who bought enormous quantities of whatever caught his attention, then insisted on sharing them with everyone else. But Achittaphon was already grown up. These days, the only person who still willingly put up with P’Ein's teasing was Pei. And Pei could become ridiculously happy over something as simple as an orange.

 

Achittaphon thought about the few oranges sitting in the kitchen. Then about the Louis Vuitton belt he'd ordered for Pei. The younger man had been more excited about receiving those oranges than about the expensive belt. It must be nice to be the person someone really loves. You don't even have to try.

 

“Your eyebrows are all scrunched up again.”

 

“So what exactly is bothering you?”

 

“You've been looking stressed lately, little brother.”

 

“Work.”

 

“Really?”

 

“You look more like someone with a broken heart.”

 

“Have you been arguing with Pei?”

 

“We haven't argued.”

 

“Just go back to your own flat.”

 

“Eung, when you're stressed, Pei can feel it too, you know.”

 

“Even if you're busy with work, you should come home and spend some time with him.”

 

“He gets lonely.”

 

“I've taken him out for dinner two or three times already.”

 

“You practically leave him with me to look after!”

 

“What are you going to do if he ends up packing his bags and moving in with me instead?”

 

“Are you planning to take Pei home with you, P’Ein?”

 

“Whoa, whoa!”

 

“I was only teasing!”

 

“Why are you suddenly speaking so sharply?”

 

“What's going on, Eung?”

 

“Are you really having problems with Pei?”

 

“We're going to break up soon.”

 

“What did you just say?”

 

Achittaphon sighed and sat down at the dining table. He watched as his older brother sat opposite him. The teasing expression had completely disappeared from P’Ein's face. Now he looked every inch the formidable businessman, the man who jokingly called himself the figurehead steering the Araya Group.

 

“It's exactly what I said.”

 

“How can you break up?”

 

“Have you got bored of Pei?”

 

“Pei's bored of me.”

 

“Pei?”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Pei doesn't love me.”

 

“So why should I keep forcing him to stay?”

 

“The only thing I'm worried about is that he hasn't finished university yet.”

 

“I want him to graduate first.”

 

“After that, I'll probably let him go his own way.”

 

“He can't really take care of himself yet.”

 

“But once he graduates and finds a job, there won't be any reason for us to remain involved.”

 

“You make it sound like you're some rich bloke keeping a younger lover.”

 

“Once the kid finishes university, you break up with him.”

 

“But how do you know Pei doesn't love you?”

 

“We've been living together since before Pei reached his third year at university, P’Ein.”

 

“I'm old enough to recognise these things.”

 

“Why wouldn't I be able to tell?”

 

“But I've never seen Pei with anyone else.”

 

“He's only got you.”

 

“He's got you, P’Ein.”

 

“Pei likes you.”

 

“He loves you, not me.”

 

An uncomfortable silence settled between the brothers. Achittaphon sighed and shook his head slightly. The situation between Pei and P’Ein wasn't really a case of two brothers competing for the same lover. P’Ein already had someone else. To P’Ein, Pei was nothing more than a younger brother.

 

But Pei was in love with P’Ein. That was all there was to it.

 

“Maybe you've misunderstood.”

 

“It's been more than two years, P’Ein.”

 

“Pei has never once called me unless we've arranged to meet somewhere outside and can't find each other.”

 

“When I try to look him in the eyes, he turns away.”

 

“When I kiss him, he goes stiff.”

 

“When I hug him, he goes stiff.”

 

“He only laughs when he's talking to you.”

 

“With me, he's like a bloody robot.”

 

“Eung… I think…”

 

“I'm a person too, you know.”

 

Achittaphon's voice was heavy.

 

“It's almost been three years.”

 

“If it isn't working, then I have to let him go.”

 

“I've spent nearly three years watching Pei look at nothing but you.”

 

“I don't want to endure it anymore.”

 

“So do me a favour.”

 

“Go and break Pei's heart for me.”

 

“Maybe then he'll finally notice that I'm still standing right here.”