The Grim Lover

Since I started playing fugitive villains, I've had more opportunities to see clients than when I was living my life as a shadow doctor normally. Before, I rarely invited anyone to my house because I'm quite protective of my personal space. P'Fah has a similar personality, just to an even greater degree. So, outside of work hours, we hardly bothered anyone.

 

But today, I've invited someone back to my room again because there are some important matters we need to discuss. And of course, sending me out would be too risky. Therefore, anyone needing to contact me must be invited to this secret room (that's what I've named my condo).

 

"Please take a seat," I said to my invited guests, gesturing towards the sofa in the middle of the living room, before walking over to pick up the pitcher of cold water and the tenth empty glass. Fourteen had prepared everything in the kitchen and hurried back without keeping him waiting.

 

"Thank you," he accepted the glass of water from me, took a light sip out of politeness, and then placed it back on the table. Judging from his expression, he didn't seem thirsty. He didn't want to drink anything. In fact, he looks like he hasn't eaten in days.

 

"Are you okay?" I asked.

 

"Shouldn't I be asking you that instead?" Chieng chuckled softly, his voice weak and lifeless. He looked like he could burst into tears at any moment. His once healthy, plump face, typical of an orthopaedic doctor, was now sunken, cheeks hollow, dark circles under his eyes, and his hair dishevelled as if he hadn't touched or combed it in ages. 

 

Even though he'd just finished his shift, Chieng usually never let himself look like this (because orthopaedic shifts aren't usually as harsh as emergency room or surgical ward shifts). "You've been through much harder than I. I wouldn't dare complain."

 

"But your situation is much worse than mine."

 

"Is that so?" He laughed again, laughing even though it was clear he had almost no strength left. "Well, I believe you're really strong."

 

"Even seeing this, I can still eat."

Hearing that, the image of the Grim Reaper holding a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other immediately popped into my head. I myself couldn't believe it either. After all that bullshit, I'm able to eat and drink normally again. Even Dr Beam said I look better than he expected. The skills of Fourteen are truly top-notch.

 

"I can't die," I said calmly, choosing not to mention eating or having a personal chef because I wasn't sure if I could handle it. He could lie convincingly, "Even though I don't want to live, I can't die."

 

"Do you know how worried I've been? You haven't answered my calls since the funeral. I've waited under the condo so many times, but I never saw you."

 

"Your head... I asked everyone, but nobody knows. I was really scared that you were dead."

 

The anxiety on Chieng's face and the trembling in his voice made me feel guilty. I had never seen him like this before. Chieng is the type who drifts along, seemingly carefree. I've hardly ever seen him angry or worried. This is the first time this carefree young man has lost his composure and fallen into a state of shock. His condition was almost unrecognisable, and I was partly responsible for why he ended up like this.

 

"And then there's the whole Gloy thing." His eyes welled up with tears when he mentioned Gloy. I knew this was the main reason why Chieng had almost become a different person. He and Gloy were very close, even though they often argued and disagreed. But Gloy trusted Chieng, and Chieng always cared for Gloy. "I'm so confused. I don't know who to talk to. You disappeared, and then Gloy died. I thought I was going to be the only one left."

 

"I'm sorry," that's probably all I can say. 

 

"I'm sorry to leave you, but given my current situation, not contacting anyone at all is the best option."

 

"I understand," Chieng sighed deeply. "But at least you could have sent a message, couldn't you? Just to say you weren't dead yet."

 

"I usually keep my phone off. I even promised Os that I'd keep it on, but in reality, I rarely manage to keep it on. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to spend all day doing anything."

"Do nothing, or you'll go crazy," I explained. Chieng seemed to understand. He's usually an understanding person; it might just be difficult for him to accept it now. He's too weak to understand everyone in the world. Just dealing with his own feelings is probably hard enough for him. "The fact that I answered the call, you're really lucky."

 

"If I hadn't called from Gloy's number, you probably wouldn't have answered, right?"

 

"Yeah," I answered honestly. There was no need to lie to him about that. "But how did you get Gloy's number to call?"

 

"Gloy's phone is with me," Chieng replied, then reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a familiar cell phone, and placed it on the table. It's definitely Gloy's personal phone, just that the screen is a little cracked, unlike the last time I saw it.

 

"How did you get that?"

 

"I was the first one to find her," Chieng replied. He still looked like he couldn't accept it. Just talking about that day, his eyes visibly trembled.

 

I understand how you feel, because even today, talking about P'Fah without crying is still difficult for me. 

 

"The phone was lying nearby. I didn't know what to do, so I picked it up because I didn't know what Gloy might not want others to know."

 

At first glance, I found it strange that Chieng chose to keep Gloy's phone rather than hand it over to the police. But after thinking about it carefully… If something like that happened to P'Fah, I would probably choose to keep his belongings for myself as well. Especially personal items like his mobile phone, I wouldn't want anyone searching his personal space without permission.

 

But the phrase "I don't want others to know" from Chieng piqued my interest a little.

 

"And I think I made the right decision to pick it up," Chieng said, picking up Gloy's phone and unlocking it with the six-digit code. (He knew Gloy's code.)

 

(It's been a while. These two have been playing with each other's phones a lot.) They tapped twice more before turning the screen to show me. Gloy's call history

The last call that appeared on the screen was an outgoing call that was missed. It was my number.

 

"What do you mean?" I asked him, my heart beginning to skip a beat as I thought perhaps inviting him here had been a mistake.

 

"You think I'm the one who did it, too, huh?"

 

"No, Won, it's not," Chieng quickly denied, looking visibly agitated. "I think Gloy might have something she wanted to talk to you about, but if the police find out, you'll look even more suspicious."

 

"Everyone suspects me," I replied. "The motive is clear, and I really did argue with her at the hospital that night."

 

"Really?"

 

"But this will only make you look even more like a bad guy."

 

What he said isn't wrong. Someone like me, who seemed suspicious from the start, would look even more suspicious if it were discovered that this was the last call Gloy made. Even if...Even if I don't answer the call.

 

"Why do you believe I didn't do it?" I couldn't help but wonder about that. While I was glad that at least one person believed in me, believing that there was still someone… It's incredibly difficult to truly be there for each other, "especially when everything seems so possible."

 

"It's crystal clear," Chieng replied confidently. "Even though everything that happened might make you hate Gloy, someone like you would never..."

 

"You couldn’t kill someone, you know."

 

Is that so? Why does he have so much faith in me when I'm not even that confident? Ever since that incident, every time she utters those words, I've wanted to strangle her. I wish she were the one to die, not my Fah. I've thought that many times without anyone knowing. All I think is that I'm too cowardly to actually do it. Hmm...maybe. Chieng probably knows how cowardly I am.

 

"You're probably the only one who thinks that." That's a painful but true thought. At this moment, no one believes I'm innocent. Or even if they did believe it, they probably wouldn't dare reveal themselves because society would never accept someone who comes out to defend me. "But thank you anyway. At least one person is better than none."

 

"But it doesn't have to be just me forever," Chieng said in a serious tone, even in his rather pathetic state. He has more hope than I do. If Fourteen saw this picture, he’d definitely use it to criticise me.

 

"It's good that you realise it."

 

No sooner had I finished speaking than, even though I was hiding in my bedroom, the sound never really went away.

 

"You have to fight, Won. Don't let yourself become the scapegoat like this," Chieng reached out and placed his hand on my thigh. His eyes showed genuine belief that I could get through this, even though I was completely lost. Right now, all I can do is argue with Fourteen and take my antidepressants on time. "If you think doing it for yourself is too hard, try thinking of it as doing it for P'Fah."

 

For P'Fah, huh? If it were P'Fah, he would probably tell me to keep fighting, too, right? Because P'Fah has been fighting all along as well.

 

"In this world, no one wants you to be happier than P'Fah...right?" Yes. Even if I can't answer any other questions, this is the one I'm most certain of. Even I, who once believed that no one could love...I didn't know if I loved myself as much as I used to. But one day, when the walls around me were broken down, I learned that belief was wrong. There really are people who can love me more than I love myself. It's unbelievable, but it's true.

 

"I don't know what to do," I said softly. "I want to fight, I've tried, but I've gained nothing. And now everything's just getting worse."

 

"Again, I don't dare move anywhere."

 

"No, there's still a way. Trust me," Chieng said firmly, I don't know where he got so much confidence from. "I'll help."

 

"It's you. You are innocent. You have nothing to fear."

 

"Aren't you scared, Chieng?" I asked back, worried. "I'm glad you want to help me, but by choosing to be on my side like this, it will..."

"You're going to get into trouble. That MP might not be happy and take action against you. And what about the hospital? The administration won't accept that."

 

"Just screw it!" Chieng said in a harsh voice that startled me. I wasn't used to seeing him this angry. "I just want to..."

 

"I helped clear the scapegoat. If they can't accept that, then fire me. Do you think I'm scared?"

 

"It would be good if you were a little scared."

 

"Your team isn't scared at all."

 

"I have nothing to lose anymore."

 

"I only have one thing left," his eyes softened, and he looked at me with a pleading gaze he'd never shown before. "I lost Gloy."

 

"She’s gone. I can't lose you, too, Won."

 

I am the only friend he has left.

 

"I will never let it end like this."

 

Even though hope was still dim, Chieng's sincerity gave me another reason to fight, especially since no one believed in me at first. Well, now there's one person who's willing to stand by me. Maybe things can still change that way.

 

"So, can I ask you something?"

 

"Good," Chieng nodded without hesitation. 

 

"About what?"

 

"Gloy told everyone that I'm the one who caused the patient's death. Do you know why?" Chieng fell silent. I couldn't tell from his expression whether he knew or not. The only thing clear was that he looked troubled by having to answer this question.

 

"I don't know for sure about this. Gloy never talked to me about it," he said, his voice weary as if he himself had no answer to give me.

"Since the incident, she talked to me less, and I don't dare ask because I'm afraid she'll stop talking to me altogether."

 

To be honest, this part annoys me a little, even though I know how much trouble I've been through, but Chieng still doesn't think that way. I was only afraid to ask Gloy about this because I thought she wouldn't talk to me. Aren't I his friend too?

 

"I'm sorry," and it seemed like Chieng sensed my displeasure, so he apologised with a look of utter remorse. "I just thought if I were by her side, one day she might tell me this. If I had shown suspicion from the start, she would probably think I didn't trust her and wouldn't have opened up. Never again."

 

"So, did she finally tell you?"

 

He remained silent because the answer to that question was already obvious. Chieng gained nothing from trying to win over Gloy (as he claimed), which, in reality, he might not have been trying to do at all. Chieng might have believed Gloy from the start, so he didn't bother investigating further with her.

 

"But I believe Gloy didn't do it because she hates you."

 

"Chieng, please."

 

"No, I'm serious," Chieng insisted firmly. 

 

"Gloy was jealous of you. Yes, she'd been like that for a long time. But that's why she feels that way...Because deep down, she admires you, Won, and she's genuinely happy for you in everything."

 

"Friends don't sit around being jealous of each other."

 

"People don't envy those far away," he argued. "The most terrifying comparison is with those closest to you." 

 

Is that so? But I've never been jealous of anyone. My life isn't any better than anyone else's. But if I were to constantly care about other people's lives and just sit around feeling miserable...Isn't it exhausting living your own life like that? Why would someone do that?

 

"You might not feel anything, Won. I know you don't really care about anyone. That's a good thing about you. But there's no denying that you're able to do that."

Because your life has many things that others don't have. Many things that others don't have... what does that mean?

 

"First of all, you're smart. You're a good student. You study less than others, but you always get top marks. You never have to stress about your studies."

 

"When I was about to pursue specialised studies, all the professors were trying to get me to study in their fields. My family was also very supportive in everything; they never pressured me. They accepted me being gay without me having to prove anything."

 

It's a little strange listening to a friend list all the enviable good qualities I have, especially when half of them aren't things I've ever considered lucky. I thought they were just common, little things that have always been a part of me. But maybe that's an indication that what he said is true. Perhaps what's enviable is that I don't even need to consider those things lucky; I believe I deserved them.

 

"Being gay hardly affects your life at all, because you're a good-looking gay man with a good job and plenty of money."

 

"You could have worked at a public hospital, but you chose to do so simply because you don't like private hospitals."

 

I had no idea that other people would see my life as so wonderful. It's true that I wouldn't dare say I've had a harder time than anyone else, but this...Is that really such an enviable life?

 

"Then you'll have a great relationship, your partner will be good-looking, wealthy, famous, well-respected, and willing to do everything for you. I understand what you're thinking."

 

"Don't brag about what you have to be envied, because if I were you, I wouldn't care about anything anymore."

 

"So does that mean I deserve to be hated?"

 

"No, Won," Chieng shook his head. He looked both troubled and guilty at having to talk about this, but I didn't feel good listening to it either. "You didn't do anything wrong, and Gloy doesn't hate you. I was just telling you that there's a reason Gloy is jealous of you, but she doesn't have the right to treat you like this. I understand."

My feelings right now are so complicated. I don't know how I should feel first, about both Gloy and Chieng. Why don't we just be friends like everyone else? Why is our friendship so hard to understand?

 

"I don't understand," I sighed, trying to release the frustration in my heart. "I can kind of picture what you're saying, but Gloy isn't any less capable than me. She's academically gifted, good-looking, and comes from a family with a great background; her parents are both doctors. I don't see why someone like her needs to be compared to me in any way."

 

"Life isn't as good as you think," Chieng said softly, lowering his gaze, clearly not wanting to go into details about the matter. Chieng probably knows something about Gloy that I don't, and I thought finding out now wouldn't help, so I chose not to question him further. "It only lets others know the good things about her."

So what happens next? Should I feel sorry for Gloy? Between her past life and my miserable life now, who deserves it? More empathy

 

"Phu thinks Gloy regrets doing this. She realises she made a mistake and will probably try to fix it."

 

"But I haven't seen any effort from her," I said calmly, knowing my words were incredibly cruel and heartless towards the dead.

 

My situation isn't much different from hers right now. My soul is already dead; only my body is still being held captive by the Grim Reaper. "The last time we met, it was still the same. She still blames me for quitting the job and causing trouble for others, even though she's the one who prevented me from going back to work. Even if I wanted to go back, who would let me into the OR? I'm seriously asking."

 

Chieng lowered his head in silence, as if he had run out of arguments. Of course. Everything I said was true. No matter how much Chieng tried to defend Gloy, the truth that she deliberately slandered me and ruined my life wouldn't change. My life was shattered, and I was in real pain. Everything was real.

 

"I understand you don't want me to hate Gloy, but honestly, it's too late. I'm not happy she's gone, but if you're telling me to give up..."

 

"Blame it, because it's dead anyway. I don't think I could do that."

 

Chieng nodded in agreement, still keeping his head down and looking dejected. I knew he was crying, probably because he was disappointed he couldn't change.

There was nothing I could do. I couldn't help anyone, neither me nor Gloy. That was probably the most emotionally agonising part, but that's life.

 

The world has taught me that ultimately, we can't control or determine anything. At most, we can only accept it and try our best. Learn to live with it, but God knows only a few can truly do so. 

 

I thanked Chieng, hugged him for comfort even though I had almost nothing left, before taking him down to the lobby. I promised to think about his request because I wasn't sure I really wanted Chieng involved in this mess. I appreciated his good intentions, but perhaps I didn't want to drag others into this mess.

 

The awkward moment had passed. I waved lightly, waiting for him to leave the building, but in the meantime, at the same time, my eyes met someone standing at the condo entrance. He met my gaze, his face clearly showing excitement, before glancing at the person walking past him, then turning back to look at me with a determined expression. Clearly confusing. It looks like we'll have an uninvited guest today.

 

"Today must be a really lucky day for you."

 

"Big Brother..." I groaned softly. Ever since we met downstairs, rode the elevator together, and now he's brought me into this room, he hasn't stopped saying how lucky he was to have met me today. To put it mildly, it might sound like something to be happy about, but what he really meant was that I have no chance of escaping today.

 

Besides Chieng, my older brother has also been trying to contact me ever since the incident. He calls almost every day, and I only recently found out that. Just now, he said he's been waiting under the condo regularly, but never had a chance to see me. (Of course, usually it's Fourteen who goes down to run errands for me.) So when he finally saw me today, he couldn't stop talking about how lucky he was, how incredibly lucky he was.

 

"Do you know Benny's been asking about you all the time? He knows everything," my older brother said with a slightly resentful expression because I was trying to avoid him.

 

And they pushed him away like everyone else. "He asked, 'Since Afa isn't here anymore, why isn't Avon here with Benny?'"

 

I felt a lump forming in my throat. The innocent words of a little child always soften my heart, especially Benny's. He's the only child in the world that I love and cherish the most. Knowing that he's mature enough to care about my feelings made me want to cry, because until now, I hadn't even thought about Benny. I was an adult who only thought about myself.

 

"Please apologise to Benny for me, Big Brother," I said, sitting down on the sofa next to him. It was like a superimposed image from just a few minutes ago. Today feels like a mini fan meeting for me, "but Won isn't really ready to talk to anyone right now."

 

"Isn't being alone making things even worse?"

 

"No," I replied with a faint smile. "Won's still fine, look. Not bad at all, right?" My older brother's gaze swept over me from head to toe, as if scanning for anything abnormal. 

 

Seeing that nothing was damaged, he sighed. A huge sigh of relief came out, as if finally letting go of a heavy burden that had been carried for weeks.

 

"Please, don't disappear like this again. I beg you."

 

Lately, everyone's been saying that to me all the time. Does that mean they still want me to stay here? Stay... even though I'm unhappy? I didn't promise my older brother anything because, after promising Oscar last time, I'm not sure if I can actually do that.

 

My thoughts change every day, just as my unpredictable feelings do. Some days I think continuing to live isn't so bad, that I can still fight. Other days, I think even breathing is too difficult for me. I'm no longer in a position to make promises to anyone. That's why I could only stare at him silently. 

 

The worried expression on my older brother's face made my heart sink. The more I looked at his face, the more I missed P'Fah. I've always thought it funny that I could see P'Fah every day from five years in the future. Just looking at his face was like being in a time machine. But now it's sad. A hollow feeling in my chest when I realise that from now on, there will only be P'Fah. P'Fah will never grow up again. His age will be frozen at thirty-seven forever. Even if I'm sixty or seventy, he will never grow up with me again.

 

"Why do people have to grow up? I don't want to grow up."

That's right. He said that once.

 

"Won..."

 

Tears welled up in my eyes without me realising it. Seeing just one tear, my eldest brother quickly pulled me into a hug. His embrace still couldn't replace the embrace of my older brother, Fah. No matter how many times, it was always the same. But I was so touched by how much he loved and cared for me. If Chieng knew about this, he'd definitely add it to Won's list of 'things to envy'.

 

"This is tough for me too," my eldest brother said, hugging me, his large hand gently stroking my head like an adult comforting a small child. 

 

This might be another thing that differentiates him from my older brother, Fah. My eldest brother gives off the vibe of a kind older brother, a calm and composed adult, like a big tree. Fah, on the other hand, is like a child in an adult's body, a grumpy old dog. Sometimes he seems easy to read, other times he's impossible. "But we have to fight. We'll fight together. I'm here for you."

 

"I always beg you."

 

But I prefer my old dog. I want him to be here.

 

He stepped back, reached for a tissue, and gently wiped away my tears. This tenderness might be something that runs in his blood. They, P'Fah and P'Yai, have this in common.

 

"Don't cry, my dear. It's okay."

 

"I'm sorry, Big Brother," I took the tissue from him and wiped away the tears that wouldn't stop flowing. I felt a little embarrassed about crying in front of him like this. "Won..."

 

"It's always like this. It's so annoying."

 

"No, not at all. What's so annoying about it?" He gently stroked my head, giving me a kind smile that felt like a warm embrace. "I don't find it annoying at all."

Please."

 

"Have I ever been annoyed by anyone before?"

 

"There are plenty," the eldest shrugged lightly. "I just never get annoyed with Won."

 

"Go ahead and tell me, but I don't believe it."

 

"It's true."

 

"I never get annoyed with anyone, please understand."

 

He didn't argue any further. He just sat there smiling, watching me wipe my snot without saying anything. Only his large hand gently stroked my head to comfort me. Whenever I'm with him, I feel like a little kid again.

 

"Won," he called my name softly after seeing that I was starting to control my tears.

 

"He?"

 

"Do you need my help?"

 

And once again, someone was trying to reach out to me. What should I do? Should I push him away, or drag him down to hell with me? Which answer is the most correct and appropriate? That might help answer my question.

 

"I can help you look into this, both the hospital situation and the matter of that doctor who just passed away. If you just let it go, you'll only be at a disadvantage. You have to fight."

 

"Okay."

 

Once again, I've been ordered to fight. Who am I fighting against, and how long do I have to fight?

 

"How can I help?"

 

"I'm a lawyer, Won," my older brother said, his voice trembling with laughter. He looked at me with the kind of affectionate gaze of an innocent child. "We have to fight these things."

 

"By law, you must have a lawyer."

 

"So, do you think it's possible to plead with Won?"

 

"Of course. There's no prohibition at all," the lawyer said confidently. "I'm a professional, and I'm very skilled. Let me represent you and make sure you win."

 

“win."

 

"Is that so?"

 

"So you're saying I'm not good?"

 

I pouted because he was right. I couldn't possibly say that the lawyer from the famous law firm was incompetent. Even though I don't know much about the legal world, I've heard that Attorney Wirun is a formidable force in court. That's why he often represents celebrities and other important figures. You could say he's won every battle he's ever fought.

 

"You're already capable," I said softly. "I'm just afraid of bothering you. I don't want to trouble you."

 

"If it's Won, I wouldn't call it difficult."

 

"Oh...just say it."

 

"I'm serious," my older brother said, placing his hand on my head again. He gently rocked my head back and forth before his large hand slowly moved down to rest on...

 

"Please, let me help you. I can't bear to see Won like this. At least let me help with something."

 

He is so kind. Maybe I'm really lucky. "Ah!"

 

Suddenly, my older brother jumped, his hand that had been cupping my cheek springing away as if he'd been electrocuted. My eyes widened, and I looked left and right. Confusion

 

"What's wrong, Big Brother? What happened?" I asked worriedly, rushing to examine his hand, but I saw no injuries.

 

"It shocked me," the eldest replied, his face showing equal confusion. "Probably static electricity." Static electricity... Now?

 

On my face? The inexplicable strangeness of this event left me with no idea what else could be considered other than the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced.

And now he’s hiding in the bedroom. Was this your doing? I thought to myself, certain that the person on the other side of the wall could sense it.

 

"What?" Fourteen replied almost immediately. "I haven't done anything yet." Don't try to be sneaky. Why are you playing a trick on my older brother? Are you crazy?

 

"What are you doing? I was just minding my own business."

 

I didn't argue with him any further because I was a million per cent certain that the static electricity my older brother had just experienced must have been the work of Fourteen. I knew that. He has this weird idea that other people are constantly trying to hurt me, but doesn't he see that my older brother isn't one of them? He's genuinely concerned about me. So what's wrong with that Grim Reaper that he has to pick a fight like this? I don't understand how to play at all. Just wait.

 

"That's you," a cold voice echoed in my head again. "You're going to get it."

 

"Does it hurt?" I chose to ignore the idiotic Grim Reaper's threat and turned my attention back to the person sitting in front of me.

 

"No," the eldest brother shook his head casually, "I was just startled, that's all. Nothing's wrong."

 

"Won's room is just like a shopping mall, isn't it?" I said, laughing half-heartedly.

 

"That's right, Won probably needs to get a humidifier."

 

"I'll give it a try."

 

My older brother nodded, smiling. He seemed like he wanted to reach out and pat my head again, but then hesitated, as if afraid of the same thing happening again. Fourteen is really silly.

 

"Uh... Won."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Can I ask you something?" My older brother suddenly hesitated. I'd suspected from the start that he had something on his mind but was too afraid to ask. To put it bluntly, "That person who offered to give me a ride just now...was a friend?"

 

"Oh," I nodded. "You mean Chieng? He's my friend."

 

"Really?"

 

"Why?" I tilted my head, asking curiously. I thought it was strange ever since my older brother glanced sideways at Chieng. His gaze wasn't just casually looking at people walking by; it held some kind of meaning that I myself couldn't quite pinpoint. "Big Brother knows Chieng, too."

 

“Really?"

 

"I don't really know him," the eldest replied softly, looking visibly confused. "I've only met him before."

 

"Have you met him before?" That's strange. Where would someone like him ever meet the elder brother? They don't seem like they'd easily cross paths. "Where, then?"

 

"At my father's house, Gloy."

 

"Yes?"

 

Is the "Khun Gloy" they're talking about the same Khun Gloy I'm thinking of?

 

"I used to work with your father, Gloy."

 

Okay, I'm starting to understand the concept of a round world better. It's surprising, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. Sometimes, society is just smaller. That's what we think.

 

"And then I had the chance to meet that friend of yours once," the eldest brother still hesitated until he said this sentence. It was as if something was bothering him, even though it didn't sound like anything difficult. 

 

The two of them were very close, so it wouldn't be surprising if Gloy sometimes took Chieng to her house. Although I've never been to Gloy's parents' house, I don't usually go out much anyway, so I could understand. "He said he was Gloy's boyfriend."

 

But this... I think I'm starting to not understand.

 

"Stop staring."

 

"this"

 

"Won, I told you to stop!"

 

Fourteen's face was contorted with utter frustration, but I wasn't going to stop glaring at him easily. At least not until he admitted that he was some idiotic Grim Reaper who used his supernatural powers to constantly bully people. Didn't he have any ethics? Even if he wasn't human, he should have some principles. He couldn't just bully anyone he wanted like this. How could that be acceptable? 

 

"Admit it," I said in a low voice, standing with my arms crossed, glaring at the handsome man sitting on the sofa, muttering to himself, refusing to back down. 

 

"You hurt Big Brother, didn't you?"

 

"I told you I wasn't."

 

"There, you're still lying."

 

"If you're not going to believe me anyway, why are you pressuring me?"

 

"Because I want you to confess."

 

"Confessing something I didn't do?"

 

"You did it!"

 

"I didn't do it!"

 

We both glared at each other. I turned my face away from him, and Fourteen turned his the other way, too. We were like two little kids sulking, but I swear I didn't want to act childish with him. What I felt was annoyance at his childish antics. If he'd just teased me, it wouldn't be a problem, but he went on to tease Big Brother, and not just once.

 

They pretended to get electrocuted, swatted away my older brother's hand when he reached to pat my head, and even pulled my ear, all while they were inside the room. His antics spilt out, and even when caught, he refused to admit it. I knew he had a bad temper, but I never thought he'd act like such a child.

 

"If you dare to do it, you must dare to accept the consequences," I said calmly.

 

"I told you I didn't do it."

 

"Fourteen."

 

Fourteen grumbled irritably, still turning his face away, refusing to look, until I had to walk over and stop in front of him. Then I reached down and placed my hand on his head, still feeling nervous about possibly being rejected, but Fourteen just sat there quietly, letting me play with his hair like that. He didn't even brush it off.

 

"You need to stop being so paranoid." When the tough approach didn't work, I reverted to a softer one. Perhaps that would soften the stubborn Grim Reaper's heart.

 

It's somewhat manageable, "especially with the eldest one. There's nothing to worry about with him."

 

"Especially?" Fourteen looked up at me, his sharp eyebrows raised and the corners of his mouth slightly upturned, as if what I said was incredibly funny. Beyond "This person, huh?"

 

"Yes," I replied confidently. "He's P'Fah's older brother."

 

"I know. I told you I know everything about you."

 

"Then you should also know that he's been very good to me, and you can't bully him like that."

 

"I wasn't kidding."

 

"Then why do it?"

He's not answering anymore. He just goes silent and acts all sulky, even though he always says he's older. Look at his behaviour! When I'm angry, he argues back incessantly.

 

I tried talking to him nicely, but he refused to talk to me anymore. I don't know what to do with him anymore. Is it really my responsibility to keep raising an immature Grim Reaper?

 

"Don't you dare call me immature!" Fourteen glared at me. "You're the one acting like a clueless child! Are you stupid?"

 

"Huh?" I started getting annoyed again when I was called stupid, even though I hadn't done anything yet. "How dare you call someone else stupid? That's really mean!"

 

"At first, I thought he was just sleepy and naive; I never thought he'd be actually that stupid. Is he only focused on being good at academics?"

 

“How?"

 

The more he talked, the less I understood. What exactly was Fourteen talking about? And why was he so frustrated with me? In the end, I was the one at fault. Wasn't it him?

 

"What do you mean?" I asked, but didn't get the answer I wanted. Fourteen clicked his tongue before angrily swatting my hand away from his head. 

 

"Hey!"

 

“What's wrong?”

 

"I'm annoyed by idiots," the ill-mannered Grim Reaper said curtly.

 

"If you call me stupid one more time, I won't talk to you anymore."

 

"Whatever. You can't reason with an idiot anyway—Ouch!"

 

I'm sorry to resort to violence. I'm not usually like this, but this Grim Reaper is truly beyond redemption. I restrained myself from twisting his ear. He didn't get any.

 

"How dare you twist someone's ear?" 

 

Fourteen yelled as if he were in great pain, even though with that little force, he could not possibly have felt anything at all.

 

"How annoying!"

 

"Oh...okay!"

 

"Ouch!"

 

Fourteen retaliated without giving up. He lightly flicked his fist in the air before feeling as if his hair had just been pulled hard from the back, almost...He fell backwards.

 

"Hey! How could you do that!" I yelled back, getting ready to retaliate, but it seemed like Fourteen read my movements. He raised his hand to block me.

 

I managed to stop him just in time before he yanked my arm and pulled me down to sit beside him, so close that my legs were practically on his lap. "No! I'll fight you!"

 

"Stay still," Fourteen said sternly, one hand still gripping my wrist tightly. What's going on? Why are you suddenly acting so angry?

 

"Ah!" I dodged when I saw Fourteen raise his other hand as if to hit me. I wasn't afraid; in fact, I tensed my neck, bracing for the full force of the blow. But no physical confrontation followed. There was only a gentle touch on my cheek. 

 

The warmth radiated so softly that I no longer felt any danger. In fact, I didn't feel that Fourteen was dangerous anyway. I just thought I would be retaliated against because I had provoked him first. But he didn't do anything like that at all.

 

Fourteen simply placed his palm gently against my cheek. His eyes still held a hint of frustration, yet at the same time, they seemed to be trying to communicate something important to me.

 

"He held you like this, and you still think he sees you as just a younger brother?" 

 

Fourteen's words left me speechless. It was like being hit in the forehead with a baseball bat, causing my brain to shut down for a moment. What was he talking about?

 

"Ever since you brought him in, he's been bothering you non-stop. Touching you, grabbing you, and talking to you is nothing like a brother." 

 

“That's crazy!

 

Fourteen has completely misunderstood.

 

"You're exaggerating," I chuckled softly, thinking about how I'd been trying to squeeze his leg for so long. In the end, it was all just this: Fourteen acting foolish.

 

"Is that because you think my older brother is being inappropriate with me? 'My older brother has always been like this. He's always liked to touch and stroke my head because he's fond of me like a younger brother. Besides, he's not gay; he's 100% straight and even has children.'"

 

"How can you be so sure he isn't?" Fourteen argued stubbornly. "He might be bisexual."

 

"Fourteen...no, it's not that," I said listlessly, not knowing how to make Fourteen understand that my older brother wasn't what he thought. "He doesn't..."

 

"Like P'Fah, P’Yai definitely likes men."

 

Throughout his life, my older brother has been like a blueprint that his parents laid out for him and Fah. Everything he is and everything he does is right. That's why he was his parents' favourite child, and P'Fah was the disliked one, the outcast, the oddity they didn't want.

 

"He doesn't like it, or he just doesn't accept it," Fourteen said with such confidence. 

 

Where did he get these ideas from? "You're right that he's not like..."

 

“Your boyfriend accepts who he is, but his brother... he hides it."

 

"No way.”

 

"That's enough," I sighed wearily, not wanting to argue with him anymore. "Think whatever you want. Let's just say, next time..."

 

“Don't tease him anymore."

 

"Why don't you believe me?" Fourteen made a face as if he were hurt, but that was just an act. He could never truly feel that way.

 

"You're thinking too much."

 

"I wasn't overthinking it. I just knew. You're the one who doesn't know anything."

 

"Fourteen."

 

"You're such a child. You can't even tell this."

 

"Hey, if you don't stop making a fuss, I'll really believe you're jealous of me."

 

"Huh?" the young Grim Reaper cried out, instantly pulling his hand away from my cheek as if he'd been electrocuted. "I'm just disgusted by what he did."

 

"He did that to you even though he knew you were his brother's boyfriend. I'm saying this because I want you to be careful."

 

"Fourteen. He just touched me a little. I was crying, so he probably just wanted to comfort me—" 

 

Before I could finish my intended explanation, the stubborn Grim Reaper raised his hands again and cupped my cheeks, this time with both hands. And in a second...Then he lunged forward and pressed a kiss to my lips, soft and quick, so quickly that I was caught off guard. I just sat there, frozen, my eyes wide as a goose egg in surprise. surprised

 

"Like this?"

 

"What...?" My voice was so faint it was barely audible.

 

"Do I have to go to this extent for you to consider us not siblings?" Fourteen said with a serious expression, so serious that I began to doubt the relationship between them. Thinking that oneself is always right, 

 

"Where is your limit? Tell me."

 

I've felt many times that Fourteen always looks unusually handsome when he's upset. It's not because his appearance changes, but there's definitely some kind of aura about him. His aura radiated from him, making him appear irresistibly attractive.

 

"Does it have to be exactly like what we did last night before you'll accept that this isn't normal?"