DAY 7

 

Scribble, scribble. I sketch on a piece of paper with my pencil, drawing to kill time since Ket isn't awake yet. Ket actually woke up once at eight since the doctor came in to remove the respirator. He continued to sleep all day due to the anaesthetic. I've been sitting beside the bed. On the mattress, next to Ket's arm, is a small piece of paper showing won second place in the contest. I plan to tell him about it first thing when he's awake.

 

The sketch shows a big sleeping man. Ket doesn't seem to be affected by the surgery. No groan. No throwing up from hypersensitivity. He's calm like a peaceful sea. I continue drawing and put my earphones on. I hum the song on this rainy day. Since I can't go anywhere, I have to stay inside until the rain stops, then find something to eat outside.

 

The music stops due to a phone call. I check who it is and answer it immediately.

 

"Hey, Mi."

[Kieng, how are you doing?]

 

The daisy of the club speaks in a downhearted voice. Mi can't visit Ket often because she's busy, but she's called me regularly since Ket was admitted.

 

"Good. What about you? How are you?"

[I'm good.]

"You don't sound like that."

 

[I'm worried about you. Don't skip meals or push yourself too hard. You can call me anytime if you need to vent.]

 

"I know. Don't worry."

[How's Ket?]

 

I glance at the sleeping guy. His heaving chest is the only indication of his life. I hold his hand and gently squeeze it. His hand is freezing.

 

"He woke up at eight and went back to sleep."

[I see.]

 

We go quiet for a while. I know Mi is worried about Ket and me, but I hope she's not so worried she can't do anything else. That's why I don't want Mi to visit Ket until she finishes her project. Even if this girl is always cheerful, she's concerned about those around her.

 

[Kieng.]

"Hmm?"

 

[l have something to tell you.]

"What?"

 

[Fou and I are dating.]

 

I can tell from the clear voice on the other end that she's smiling. I also smile in delight. We've been waiting for this. Fou has finally stopped being an idiot. Besides, he's graduating next semester.

 

"Congratulations." Ket must be super happy, too.

 

(Thank you so much.]

 

"Hmm? For what? You should thank yourself for trying so hard for him."

 

[No. I felt strong because you were by my side.]

 

"Um. Take good care of him from now on. Tell me if you need anything. I'll beat his ass."

 

[As ruthless as usual.]

 

Her giggle on the other end makes the world more livable.

 

"Come visit Ket after your project is finished."

[Sure. I'll bring my homemade cookies. Bye.]

 

"Um."

[Kieng.]

 

"Yes?"

[You've done your best. Don't forget to eat.]

 

Mi hangs up as I gaze at the sketch on my lap. I've been suppressing my weakness, yet I feel like crying after getting slightly triggered. The others keep telling me I've done my best, but I wish we had more time. A lot more. I wish I could do something more than just wait for his last day.

 

A few moments later, I'm startled by the squeeze around my hand. I look up at the man on the bed. Ket slowly opens his eyes and cracks a faint smile as usual. Why? Why is he so happy?

 

"I thought I wouldn't wake up to see you."

 

His hoarse mumble makes my heart skip a beat. If I ask why he's so happy, as usual, he'll say, 'Because I'm with you.' This man loves me that much.

 

I rise and drop everything onto the floor, not caring if they will roll away or disappear. I just want to hug Ket.

 

"I've missed you."

 

With that, I throw myself into his arms and hug him tightly. Ket wraps his long arms around me and buries his sharp nose in my head. As gentle and warm as ever.

 

"I'm parched."

 

"Oh, wait a sec." Knowing he's thirsty, I pull away and grab a glass of water with a straw on the nightstand for him. Ket drinks as if his throat is completely dry. After finishing nearly two glasses, he closes his eyes in contentment.

 

"When I drink water, it feels like everything is normal."

 

"How come?"

 

"It tastes like nothing."

 

Ket laughs as if it's so hilarious, but I can only smile because he's smiling. The sight wipes away my exhaustion. After waiting for Ket to be fully awake, I hold out a piece of paper to him. The man before me lifts his eyebrow and flicks his eyes at me.

 

"What is this?"

 

"The result of the contest."

"The contest.." Ket pauses. He must've forgotten it. I pinch Ket's cheek, sit on the bed, and take his hand.

 

"The art contest in Bangkok. I won second place."

 

"Wow, you won second place? Amazing."

 

You have no right to be excited if you forget, idiot.

 

"Someone made me promise to study hard if I'm in the top three."

 

"Did I say that?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Will you keep your promise?"

 

I glance at Ket with a pout. Before I knew Ket was sick, I'd promised to study hard. I never expected I'd find out later that he was dying. To be honest, had I known Ket was going to die before his return, I would've lived more frivolously. I would've quit university or gone with him. But Ket changed several thoughts in my head. Ket's intention is for me to become a strong person, so I promise to study hard and live my life even after he's gone. Because Ket doesn't want me to ruin my future.

 

"Well, it's a promise."

 

"Keep it." Ket locks his charming brown eyes on me.

 

"Of course. I'll show you when I become an art teacher. Don't underestimate me."

 

Chuckling, Ket caresses my face before pulling me in for a kiss. His soft kiss is more than the silence under the sea, as if he draws me into the deep. It's uncomfortable and suffocating. At one point, it takes my breath away. The man before me withdraws his lips and rests his head on my shoulder.

 

"I wish I could live until that day."

 

My shoulder feels wet. Ket is crying again. I place my hand on his back, stroking it to comfort the man in my embrace. I wish I could touch his soft hair again, but his head is bandaged. I've never thought I would see him in this state. Even so, it makes me stronger.

"Don't cry, good boy. Don't cry."

In the end, I haven't thanked him.

 

DAY 10

 

"The stars are beautiful today." Ket and I gaze out the large window from the patient's bed. The sky is open today, displaying the stars more clearly.

 

"Kieng."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Let's go to the rooftop."

 

Right. We shouldn't be cooped up in here when the sky is clear like this. I push the wheelchair to the bed and help Ket get on. I set the whale plush on his lap and cover his broad shoulders with my jacket. Ket gets thinner by the day.

 

"The nurse won't scold us, will she?"

 

"No. I won't let her."

 

We exchange a smile and slowly exit the room, heading to the rooftop. There's only a small, long bench on the rooftop. I wheel Ket to the side of it and settle next to him. We look up at the starry sky. How beautiful.

 

"Kieng. When I was young, my mom told me we'd become stars after death." Ket squeezes my hand gently.

 

“Um."

 

"That's why I love gazing at the sky. It feels like my cousin is up there."

 

"Is that why you love stars?"

 

"Yes."

 

The night breeze drifts through our bodies gently as if to ease the pain. I look at the pitch-black sky dotted with dazzling stars. Although we're not in another region, I can't deny that there are countless stars tonight to the point that their beauty fascinates me.

"I've read multiple books about stars. Isn't it strange that despite the dark sky, the stars shine brightly as if they're not afraid of darkness? And so, when I first met you, you were the brightest and most beautiful star in my darkness."

 

Is that so? I smile a little at his adorable words.

 

"Since that day, I promised myself I'd protect this star. This star will continue to shine brightly no matter what."

 

"It's okay. As long as I'm your only star, I'm happy."

 

We sit in silence, letting the wind brush our eyes. Oddly enough, it's completely quiet today. There would usually be noise from karaoke or the temple festival nearby. The only thing we can hear is probably our heartbeat.

 

"Kieng.."

 

"Hmm?"

 

Ket calls my name again in his hoarse, low voice. Even if he calls me a hundred times more, I won't be bored of it. At least Ket remembers my name well.

 

"What are we doing up here?"

 

The question catches me off guard. I turn to Ket, whose eyes are fixed on the stars in the sky.

 

"Just hanging out."

 

"Oh, yeah?"

 

You idiot. How mean. How could you forget our conversation a few minutes ago? It was getting romantic. I laugh at my own thoughts, making Ket raise his brow in curiosity. When we sit next to each other and repeat the same thing over and over, I sometimes feel strangely happy.

 

"You said your mom told you we'd become stars after death. That's why you love stars, and I'm your most beautiful star."

 

"How nice."

 

Ket smiles a little. Come to think of it, we first met in the classroom on the first day of school. I was familiar with the school since I'd studied there before Ket. Once I arrived at the classroom, I went straight to the table by the window, as it had the best view. I remember Ket dropped his backpack on the table in front of mine. He glanced at me but said nothing. I was the one holding his gaze and greeting him briefly.

 

'Hi."

 

Back then, our memories weren't very clear. It started to take shape when we got to know each other for the first time because I'd thought Ket's eyes seemed so withdrawn that I didn't dare to talk to him. But I vaguely remember Ket mumbling something that day. ‘Star.'

 

'Wanna sit here?'

 

The classmates chatted at the back of the room, but paid no heed. The thirteen-year-old me strode toward my regular table by the window, set my backpack on the chair, and put my brand-new textbooks into the single bookcase under the table. I noticed the small back of a boy I'd never met before. I crane my neck to watch him carefully put his textbooks into his bookcase, neatly arranging them, unlike my messy one, where I threw everything in. The small boy glanced at me with unfriendly eyes.

 

'Ah, hi." I greeted him out of awkwardness, but received no response. The boy stared at me so quietly that I shifted away from him. Then I heard a mumble slipping out of those pink lips.

 

'.Star.'

 

Maybe not. The naughty thirty-year-old boy wanted to play outside more than stay in the classroom. I didn't listen to that word carefully. Those fierce eyes were glued to my shirt when I was about to run out, so I dropped my gaze to the rectangular badge on my shirt pocket. The badge was one of the school policies. The students must wear them so the teachers can identify them. 'Kiengda'

The slim boy didn't mean a literal 'star.'

He was calling my name.

 

"I'm so happy today," Ket whispers. His palm is getting colder, so I grasp it more tightly.

 

"Of course. It's because you have me."

"Right."

 

"Well, I'm your happiness. How can I call myself your happiness if I make you sad, right?"

 

I look at his side profile. It seems like he's zoning out, yet he smiles like always.

 

"What would be the last thing you wish to say?"

 

The last thing I wish to say? There are millions of things I want to tell this man, but if I have to choose one, it'll be something from my heart, unfiltered by my brain. I turn to Ket, pull him closer by his neck, and kiss his pale lips softly.

 

"You're my most beautiful star."

 

Ket smiles again, and something tells me this will be his last smile.

 

"When I'm gone, there's one thing I want you to do."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"There's a present for you in my room at Sorn's residence."

 

A present?

 

"What is it?"

 

"It's a surprise."

 

"You're talking like you're about to die. You won't die that easily." I pat Ket's back, my heart shaking. Despite knowing his condition is deteriorating to its limit, I want to fool myself that he'll still be with me tomorrow and more. We tighten our clasped hands.

 

"Thank you for everything."

 

Ket gives no reply. He would've responded with a smile anyway. His head falls on my shoulder, his soft, warm breath showing how weak he is. Even though the sky is brightened with the stars, it feels unbearably lonely. Ket slowly closes his eyes.

 

"I crave jelly."

Upon those words, all his weight noticeably drops on me. His grip loosens, and I'm the only one squeezing that big hand. Our hearts beating in time with each other...One of them stops.

 

Under the starry sky, my tears trickle down my cheeks. I touch his head gently to say my last goodbye. Before Ket's faint blue aura gradually fades away.

Good night, my good boy.