'Are you okay? The boy asked in a voice that hinted at worry as I climbed over the fence in the back. I saw the usually deadpan face drop and answered.

 

'Of course. I've done this many times.'

 

Ket still cheered for me quietly. Okay, my ass. My legs were short, and the climb was a struggle. My balls hurt every time I land. It was fucking tough. 

 

Our relationship had been a secret for three years and remained so. I always climbed in and out of the backyard to meet up with Ket at night and return home at dawn. I spent my middle school years to the fullest.

 

'That's a shooting star.' He mumbled in a soft voice. The boy before me gazed up at the sky full of stars tonight. I looked up, still straddling the fence. Even though I couldn't spot it, I knew it was there. "They say to make a wish.'

 

'Oh, yeah?" I closed my eyes and wished upon the shooting star. I hope to be with Ket longer than this. Even if we hated each other, I'd still wish to be with him. Ket always loved the stars. I didn't see the appeal, though. They were merely dark tones. I landed smoothly on the ground. I checked my body and flashed an amused smile at the boy standing outside.

 

'Goodnight.'

'Goodnight.'

 

THUD

"Ouch."

 

I stub my pinky toe against the table leg, and a cry escapes my mouth. Since Ket's return, I've spaced out so much. I've often noticed the way Sorn, the owner of the residence and the restaurant I work for, glances at me in worry. Even so, he's never asked.

 

I don't remember how many times I've stubbed my toes. All I know is my toes and head hurt. I drag my tired body into the kitchen during the break. The small yet clean kitchen indicates how strict the owner is toward sanitation. I've never found a cockroach since I started working here.

 

Sorn has converted the floors above the restaurant into student residences, renting out a total of four units, all of which are currently full. I heard the one opposite mine would be available soon since the graduate was about to move to Chiang Mai. The bottom floor is a restaurant open from seven in the evening to midnight. Sorn can't handle the crowded restaurant alone, so he has Mee (bears), a bulky chef, helping him cook in the back kitchen.

 

I grab a glass and get myself some orange juice. Yes, as a worker, I have the right to drink anything I want while working. When the restaurant is closed, Mee always locks the dispenser to prevent the mischievous kids from drinking from it.

 

"Why are you spacing out?" Mee asks, preparing a fish. Ah, his name is not actually Mee. It's Wan (whales). But since Sorn calls him Mee, everyone addresses him the same. Plus, his body isn't as large as a bear's. He's tall and handsome at a lead-actor level, so Sorn keeps him in the kitchen. His restaurant would be in shambles otherwise.

 

"Nothing much."

"Is something wrong?"

 

"What would you do if your ex came back?" I lean against the doorframe and drink from the straw in boredom.

 

"I don't have one." No way. How come an attractive man like him has no exes?

"Liar."

 

"I really don't have one." He chops the green onions. "So what's with the ex coming back? Do you still love them?"

 

"No. The face just reminds me of the old memories."

"You don't need to do anything, then. Just ignore them."

 

"It's annoying."

"Not everything will be as you wish."

 

Yeah. He's right.

 

"Ignore them if you can. When Sorn caught me taking bites of the salmon, I ignored him and acted dumb." How does that relate to the topic?

 

"Sorn told me you fought with Kaning recently." I nod gently. It's no surprise that Mee knows about Kaning. Sorn and Ning were best friends in high school. Mee and Sorn were also close enough to open a restaurant together.

 

"My sister keeps meddling."

"Isn't it out of worry?"

 

"I doubt that. You didn't see her kicking me out like some street dog."

 

"What did you do to be kicked out?"

"I dated a boy."

 

Without looking at me, Mee tosses the fish into the pan as if this is another casual conversation.

 

"She didn't like it?"

 

"She considered it shameful and humiliating to our family. My parents shared the same thought."

 

"It doesn't make sense."

 

That's what I thought. Well, if they believed it did, then it did. After breaking up with Ket, I wasn't allowed to be close to any boys. Apparently, they thought I'd be into all males.

 

"That explains it. I've never seen you in a sour mood. It's like you're possessed whenever you touch your phone."

 

"I'm a human, not a rock."

"Oh, yeah? I thought you lost all emotions."

 

"You want to be a dead bear or what? I wonder."

 

The tall man raises his cleaver to chop my head, so I swerve out of the kitchen as the second batch of customers comes in.

 

I hate working, but I have no choice. Studying is exhausting enough, yet I have to work after that to pay my rent. Nonetheless, I'd rather work my butt off than go home and beg those who have never cared about me. As a result, my life ended at a small restaurant near the university. 

 

The modern glass room gives off a feeling-at-home vibe. The paintings from the art club line the walls, with some set on the floor in various spots for cosiness. However, the distinctive feature of Sorn's restaurant is the painting of a massive whale by the entrance, which suits the name 'Wun Wan.' You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know whose idea it is. It's from the man who's addressed differently from his real name and always has his intimidating face on with his cleaver in the back kitchen.

 

Two hours later. Three hours later. My exhausted legs are a sign that I'll get to rest soon. Finally, it's heavenly time. I throw my black apron on the bed, toss the whale-embroidered white shirt into the basket, fling my pants onto the chair, and plop down without a care in the world. I'll shower in the morning.

 

I exhale a deep sigh, gazing at the oil painting I worked on in the art club. It's a painting of a shooting star. I walk closer and stare at it for a while. I often drew shooting stars back when I missed him, venting the suppressed feelings in my heart. 

 

I've never been interested in stars. I love the sea and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach. Ket likes stars. We talked about our future universities before the breakup, so it didn't surprise me that he knew where I studied. Ket hates the sea. I hate mountains. Ket wished to go high up to see the stars clearly, while I inched toward the waves at the beach.

 

It's been evident that our preferences differ. Oddly enough, despite hating the sea, Ket is in the uniform of the university near the sea. I don't believe in making wishes upon the stars. I played along because I was young. But if it's true, then it undoubtedly works.

 

I wish I could return to that day and say, 'If we end up hating each other, let's never reunite. 

 

I take the oil painting of the shooting star set in my room for almost a year in my hands, then walk outside and throw it into a trash can in front of my room with no emotion. The door upstairs opens at the same time.

 

"Not sleeping yet, Kieng."

"Why are you still up?"

 

I look up at the man with deep dark circles, with whom I hardly exchange words. His face is covered in stubble and a beard as he rarely gets out to say hi. Tong narrows his eyes at me, nearly shutting them.

 

"I'm passing through the levels."

"Of what?"

"Mario Neko."

 

He picks a letter from a small mailbox at the front and disappears into his room, leaving me in silence. I live aimlessly, and Tong is just the same. My emotional support, the art club, no longer works its magic, but I wouldn't switch to another club due to my love for painting. It's my best outlet. I settle on my regular chair, the one with a whale sticker, and, out of the corner of my eye, notice someone who shouldn't be in this room doing something over the table.

 

"Ket, you like drawing?" The cheerful voice of the youngest member, Mi, lightens up the mood. The others are focused on their pieces. Fou is the same as usual, but with a huge pile of documents before him this time.

 

"Yes."

 

Fucking liar!

 

My nosy ears get me swearing in my mind. Ket hates drawing the most. His dream is to run a café on the mountain, gazing at the sky and sparkling stars. I've never seen him touch a drawing pencil, only a coffee machine.

 

"Done."

 

"Let me see." Mi charges toward Ket after he seems so proud of his drawing on A4-size paper. Fou even turns his eyes from the thick stack of documents and steps behind the tall man, who suddenly shoots a piercing glance at me as if to say he will never lose to me.

 

"Ah." Fou pauses and pats Ket's shoulder to offer comfort.

 

"We all can improve. You made the right decision to join the art club."

 

"Is it that good?" I ask Mi in a grumble when she retreats and sits at the table next to me, letting Fou and Ket talk alone. The small, round-eyed girl with shoulder-length hair with a Hello Kitty clip offers me a sheepish smile.

 

"W...Well.."

"Is it really good?"

 

"It's art." Mi smiles at me sweetly and turns her attention to her piece. The art club falls into silence once again. 

 

I concentrate on the tip of my brush, moving it freely on the canvas. I never repeat the pattern in my paintings. Every time I close my eyes, thousands of colours appear infinitely. I can paint whatever I desire without being controlled by anyone. That's the perk of being a member of the art club. In class, your freedom is limited by something called 'subjects! Draw an animal and explain how it represents your personality!' The homework today was a piece of cake. I grin and place the square notebook on the marble table under the tamarind tree.

 

Ket and I were in different classrooms in high school, so our homework differed. He particularly enjoyed science and social studies, whereas I loved art.

 

"What's with that bright smile?'

'It's art.'

 

I started drawing a bird with no hesitation.

'A bird?'

 

Yup.'

 

'Why? You never mentioned it.

 

My favourite animal was a cat, but my personality was more like that of birds.

 

'It's free. I want to have the freedom to fly anywhere and do whatever I wish, uncaged.'

 

Ket went quiet and continued working on his astronomy homework, his favourite. Even so, he didn't get up and leave.

 

'If you became a bird one day, where would you go?' he asked in a clear voice, taking my attention from my drawing. I stared at the boy the same age and smiled. 'The sea.'

 

FWIP.

My brush slips as I'm lost in memories. I shake my head a few times to rid this worsening feeling, glancing at the man still in his seat but reading instead of drawing.

 

I can't figure out why someone like him would join the art club, but what confuses me more is the reason he's here. Why did someone who loved the mountains choose to come to the sea?

 

Ket gets up and walks out after a while, leaving only a leather bag and a piece of his completed drawing. Unable to hold back, I stride toward the now-empty table.

I wonder why Fou and Mi were so stunned. Plus, Mi looked really surprised. Is Ket that good at drawing? Fou has never reacted that way to my paintings since I joined the club! 

 

I pick up the face-down A4-size paper on the table and flip it. The drawing makes me look up at Fou, who's already looking at me. I've learned it today. The saying, 'There is no right or wrong in art, but what the fuck did you draw?' is true. This is a stick man!

 

Ket opens the door the moment I put the drawing back down. He holds my gaze as if asking what I'm doing to his masterpiece, and, indeed, he speaks first.

 

"What are you doing?" Ket's unfamiliarly strange voice gives me the creeps. I only heard his young voice when we were kids. His voice after puberty tickles my ears.

 

"Nothing."

"I saw you holding my drawing."

 

"It slipped onto the floor." Fou looks at me, his eyes saying,

 

'How smooth.'

"Oh, yeah? The airflow is strong, huh?"

 

"What are you trying to say!"

"Nothing."

 

He copied my word! What a pain in the neck, heart, brain, and soles of my feet. How annoying.

 

"What are you looking at? Wanna fight?"

 

I lift my fists to hit Ket, but I won't actually do it. I was used to his quiet, timid, young-master looks. Now that he talked to me bluntly and shortly, I couldn't help but fight back.

 

"Wait, Kieng, you bastard. This is an art club, not a world-class international boxing club."

 

Ugh, I would've knocked him out had I not been stopped in time.

 

"You don't like Ket?" Mi asks after I flop on my chair in frustration. The small girl is brushing her canvas. Besides Fou, Mi is great at drawing anime characters.

 

"No."

"Why? He's handsome."

 

"More like troublesome." Come to think of it, I calm down really fast when I talk to Mi. I'd usually suppress my feelings and vent them by painting. However, this girl with glowing cheeks in front of me is like my hamster pet. Mi is a girl with a faint, light-pink aura, brighter than others. She also talks sense more than the big guy, acting childish, who fixes his irritated eyes on me.

 

"Were you on bad terms before?"

"Yeah."

 

I rest my chin in my hand and gaze at Mi's painting style. Her hand movements are so stable that it's pleasant to the eyes. Since I got into this university, I've never had a single best friend besides my classmates. I'm close to a few club members, but the only ones I feel comfortable with are Fou and Mi.

 

On bad terms...? No. We were on such good terms, and then one day we ended up hating each other.

 

I still remember everything back then well. When he turned his back on me, my flowing tears, the painful misery, and the lost freedom. I still vividly remember the day my mother set a surveillance camera behind the fence, the day I got my leg caught up in barbed wire installed by someone while climbing over, and the day she said she would cut ties with me if I didn't break up with Ket.

 

"Kieng."

 

"Huh?!" I'm startled by Mi's cold palm on my arm.

 

"You zone out so often."

"Sorry."

 

I lean my forehead against the table next to Mi. The hotness rushing up to my face causes me to stifle my tears as those awful memories painfully flash in my mind. Despite saying I don't care, my nearly healed scar is cut open again. Should I be the one running away?