Knock, knock.

Someone knocks on my door so early in the morning. I slowly get up and gaze out the window. The unusually cloudy sky suggests rain is on the way. Fortunately, the classes today are cancelled. I don't have to go to university on a cloudy day.

 

Knock, knock.

The knocks continue. I get out of bed and open the door to a girl smiling at me. Ning is wearing casual clothes today. I assume she's going somewhere.

 

"What?" I ask in a weary voice. I don't want to talk to my sister at all. Why doesn't she hurry up and leave?

 

"Sorn said you don't have school today."

 

"Yeah. The morning classes are cancelled. So are the afternoon classes."

 

"Take a walk with me."

 

"It's going to rain. Where are you going?"

 

"Just somewhere nearby."

 

"I don't want to."

 

'I'll move to my apartment the day after tomorrow. Let's take a walk together." Ning touches my hair gently, like when I was a kid. Her hands were fragile yet always protected me. That's why I hate her so much. No matter how much she's done me wrong, she's still my sister.

 

"Let me get changed for a sec."

 

"'Il wait downstairs. I've made your favourite pan-fried eggs." Ning spins and descends the stairs, humming, leaving me staring at the air in front of my room in silence. She's in such a good mood after messing with someone else's head.

 

The door is slowly shut as I start washing up and get changed into a normal tee and shorts. Judging from Ning's dress, she's definitely taking me to the sea, not the mall. I don't need to put too much thought into my clothes.

 

I close the door and trudge towards the stairs. I stop walking when I see Ket's door. I guess he's in class. Did he bring an umbrella? It's so cloudy. A guy who hates the rain like him must be sulking right now.

 

I grip my phone tightly. Even though we've exchanged numbers, I'm not a fan of talking to Ket on the phone since he comes home in the evening anyway. But it's going to rain today, despite yesterday's weather forecast showing a sunny smiley face. With that thought, I call him.

 

[Hey.]

 

"Hey."

 

We greet each other bluntly, as always.

 

"It'll rain today. Did you bring an umbrella?"

 

I knew it.

 

"Are you going to the club room today? Tell Fou I'm not going to university."

 

[I'll tell him.] I swing my legs on the stairs. I don't know why Ket's voice on the phone suddenly makes my heart race. It feels like he's whispering in my ear. What the hell are you thinking about, Kieng? I shake the sinful thought off my head. I'm only talking to him out of worry. Don't overthink it. Don't overthink it!

 

"Did you have breakfast?"

 

[Yes. What about you?]

 

"I'm about to."

 

[Why did you wake up so early? Didn't you work until late last night?]

 

"Ning is taking me outside."

 

[Great. Get some fresh air.]

 

"You know I'm on bad terms with her."

 

(Yeah.]

We fall into silence. I hear Ket's friends chatting in the background.

 

"Why is she so close to you?" I decide to ask. I doubt she likes Ket. Even though she often took Ket and me out together, she stopped talking to Ket after she caught us dating. Why did she suddenly talk to him again? She even said his mother told her to take care of him.

 

[l called her to ask if you went here.]

 

"How could you two be this close over a 

phone call?"

 

[I don't know. When I said I wanted to see you, she took care of everything immediately.]

 

"Including moving you to Sorn's residence?"

 

[l initially planned to get an apartment, thinking you must hate my guts.]

 

I press my lips together tightly. I did hate Ket at first. That's why I threw stuff at him. He showed up out of the blue. The person who disappeared without a word turned up out of nowhere. Who wouldn't be hurt?

 

[But I made the right decision to move there.]

 

"Why? You can afford an apartment, no, even a house." Ket laughs on the other end. I clutch the railing tightly.

 

[If I hadn't moved here, I wouldn't have met Tong. Without Tong, I wouldn't have had the courage to make you reveal your feelings. When you said i was yours, my heart felt so happy.]

 

"Is that so? Have you ever thought of doing something on your own?"

 

[Talking to a person with prejudice like you is like shouting at the walls. You wouldn't listen. I need someone else's help.]

 

"You're talking like you know me well."

 

[We haven't just met recently. Do you think I could forget after being with you for three years?]

"You'd better not forget."

 

[l won't. I kissed your lips, hugged you, kissed your cheeks, and...])

 

"Cut it out!"

Damn you, Ket. Isn't he embarrassed to say that in front of others?

 

"Study hard," I cut short before he makes me blush even more. I hang up and head downstairs, where Ning is waiting. My sister's face is completely emotionless, as if she's deep in thought. Ning's familiar eyes are similar to Ket's, as she's pointed out.

 

"Oh, Kieng." Ning puts on a bright smile when she notices me. She waves me over.

I settle into the chair and quietly stare at the pan-fried eggs.

 

"You're not even a good cook."

 

"I'm pretty good."

 

Ning was such a terrible cook, burning countless omelettes. I've just realised why she suddenly tried so hard. She liked Sorn so much that she practised until she improved. She probably forgot when she cried tears of joy because she didn't burn her omelette.

 

I finish the eggs quickly and grab two umbrellas from the back area. One is for Ning. The other one is my regular. It's blue, my favourite colour.

 

"It'll rain for sure."

 

Ning smiles without a word. Despite the cloudy sky, this woman drags me outside.

Because Ning loves the rain.

 

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter.

Due to the rain, we had to take shelter at the bus stop on our way home. I was six. I remembered that I shouldn't be in the rain. My mother would hit me if I were soaked.

 

Ning shifts forward to touch the rain, holding out her hand through the raindrops outside the roof of the bus stop. Her small lips curled into a smile.

 

My sister loved the rain more than anything, saying it was the only time you could show your weakness without anyone knowing. I didn't understand what she meant. But I didn't like the rain despite how beautiful it was.

 

'Do you want to play in the rain?' Ning asked all of a sudden. I looked at my sister from the bench in silence.

 

'Aren't you afraid to be hit?'

Her big, round eyes turned slightly dull.

 

‘I am.'

 

Then why?'

 

'Because I want to.' The girl who acted like my second mother walked closer to me. She removed the straps of my backpack from my shoulders and pulled my hand out to touch the rain falling from the roof. The hand of the six-year-old boy under the rain felt so cool that it oddly relieved him.

 

'If you want to play in the rain, I'll tell Mom we need to run back home through it.'

 

'But I don't want to get hit.

 

'Mom doesn't hit us that hard. It'll be a shame if we don't play in the rain today, Ning said and stepped out to take in the rain falling from the sky. The small girl in a high school uniform gazes up with her eyes closed, showering herself in the rain as if releasing what she'd suppressed in her heart.

 

That was Kanin's first day seeing the faint aura around his sister. Light purple. A mix of pain and joy.

 

Come on!

The downpour was heavy, as if someone was crying up there, but the two children were playing in delight.

 

Their laughter drowned out the rain. That was the day I accepted my sister. It was fun playing in the rain.

 

Ning and I walk along the gravel path. The cool breeze wafts through our bodies, bringing the smell of rain in the distance. I spot the white curtain of rain over the horizon, yet Ning insists on taking a walk.

The waves crash against the rocks. The horizon is in the distance. The sun is shrouded by dark clouds. We haven't said a word since we left home, as if we're unsure how to start the conversation now that we're not on the phone.

 

"The Won beach?"

 

"Yeah," I reply as my sister watches the seawater hitting the rocks, splashing.

 

"What a pretty name."

 

The horrible, forceful conversation leaves us in silence. Old memories flash through my mind as we walk side by side. The time we had to walk home since the school was close by. Back then, I was as tall as Ning's waist. I'm taller than her now. Time sure flies.

 

"You like Sorn?"

 

Ning freezes upon the question. I didn't plan to ask about this since it was obvious, but I wanted a topic to rid the awkwardness. It's more awkward now, I guess.

 

"You know?"

 

"I eavesdropped on you two last night."

 

Ning looks shocked. She seems angry to be eavesdropped on.

 

"How far did you listen?"

 

"When you said you separated Ket and me." 

 

She's visibly relieved to hear that. What else should I not know? What doesn't she want to tell me?

 

"I like him." Ning clasps her hands behind her back. Time doesn't change this woman at all.

 

"Because Sorn likes MeeWan, you despise this kind of relationship?"

 

"I did hate it, but not anymore."

 

"That was why you didn't want me to be in a relationship with Ket?"

 

"It's just the past."

 

"But the past hurts me greatly."

 

I was in a nightmare for two whole years. I cried alone and couldn't open my heart to anyone again because, deep down, I was scared. I was so scared of many things that I wished for nothing. I simply wished to get by each day.

 

"That's why I hope to redeem myself."

 

"Isn't it too late?"

 

"Right."

 

My sister's voice trembles as she touches my shoulder with her hand, so small that it'll evaporate in the wind with a gentle squeeze. When did she become so weak?

 

"I know I hurt you. I know our family is horrible. I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I have no excuses. I know you hate me so much that you don't want to talk or look at me. So.."

 

"You promised never show your face again."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Yet you did."

 

Ning's smile fades. She gazes at the horizon, where the rain is approaching us.

 

"I'm here.." My sister pauses. She's about to say something, but then changes the subject. 

 

"To apologise for being selfish and never visiting you. When Ket came back, I used him as an excuse to see you. But you don't need to forgive me. My only wish is for you and Ket to be happy."

 

Ning's words frustrate me. Why do Ket and Ning keep saying things like this? They're back to apologise and fix things without asking for my forgiveness. Don't they want my forgiveness deep inside?

"What about Mom?" I mention the person who gave birth to me, the person I have no attachment to aside from that.

 

"We don't talk anymore."

 

"Why? Don't you love her dearly?"

 

"But I love you, too."

 

You just love her more than your brother, the burden.

 

"Back then, I listened to Mom out of love and forgot you were also hurt. I was in the nightmare I created myself. I watched my brother whipped with the belt by Dad every day, despite having said I'd protect you with both my hands. I didn't even have the guts to get in the way of the whipping."

alone."

 

"On the day you left our family, I could no longer take it. Half a year later, I cut ties with our family and lived

 

"I suppose you don't mind me saying I hate our parents and Fah, then."

 

"Not at all. I'd hate them, too, if I were you."

 

"I never considered them my family, but I saw you as my sister. When you hurt me, it was more painful than when they did."

 

"I know."

 

"But, well, you're the only one who keeps meddling in my life. You call me even if I hate you. That's why I can't confidently say I hate you." Ning smiles sadly.

 

"You might've thought I abandoned you all this time, but I knew everything. Where you live. What you're doing."

 

"It's Sorn, isn't it?"

 

"Yeah. You didn't want to see me, so I asked Sorn to take care of you."

 

If that's the case, I won't blame her for leaving me alone. Sorn has been looking after me even if it's not his job. Sorn gave me a chance to study, a place to sleep, and food to eat, including tipping me from time to time. Sorn is more like a brother to me than my biological one. Ning touches my cheek with her cold hand and strokes it.

 

"I don't mind if you hate or resent me. But as for my mistake, please don't stop me. Let me fix it."

 

"."

"Let me take care of you. Let me be your sister again, please."

 

Tears trickle down the woman's face. As if the sky is aware, the rain slowly falls on my empty mind, filling it with my sister's feelings. I've never known Ning's pain until now. I've never known she had a crush on Sorn, but Sorn was into Mee. I've never known Ning cut ties with our family despite her immense love for her mother. I've never asked why Ning loved our mother when she was also hit. I just despised the fact that Ning followed in our mother's footsteps, who never cared about me my whole life.

 

I despise myself as well. I said I hated her so much I didn't want to see her face again. But now that she's crying in front of me like this...I feel awful.

 

I open the umbrella to shield Ning from the rain, but she pushes it away. The tears on her face are replaced by clear raindrops. This is the day I understand what she meant when we were kids. When it rains, we can express our weakness without anyone knowing.

 

No matter how hard we cry.

The rain will wash it away.

 

There are so many questions I wish to ask this woman. There are a hundred million things I wish to say.

 

I want to say, 'I hate you.' Even if you cry, I still hate you. But, at the end of the day, you're still my sister. From when I was born until I could take care of myself, you were the only one by my side. Had it not been for you, I would've been killed by the fever or kicked out of the house long ago.

 

So, right now, I have only one thing to say. I take my sister's fragile hand. She used to hold my hand wherever we were. If she believes she can fix it...

 

"I'll wait."

Ning and I say nothing more after that. We return to the residence to get changed, then she disappears into Sorn's room. I watch the rain quietly hit the window. At noon, I have a meal downstairs and come back up to work.

 

The rain stops in the afternoon and falls again in the evening. It oddly agitates me. Ket is still not home.

 

"It's been raining all day. How annoying." Mee cranes his neck out of the kitchen to look at the rain on the empty street outside. The restaurant is open, but we don't have many customers because of the rain.

 

"Did you make up with Sorn?" I ask the bulky guy as he's about to chop vegetables.

 

"No."

 

"Why are you taking so long?"

 

"Go ask that man. How can he be upset for such a long time?" Mee complains with a hint of amusement.

 

The atmosphere isn't as uncomfortable as before, so I'm not that worried. As Ning has said, she's not back to develop any kind of relationship with Sorn. She's here to redeem herself after what she did to me and Ket.

 

"Do you hate my sister that much?" I drink the orange-flavoured Fanta from a whale mug.

 

"No."

 

"Oh, then why did you glare at her?"

 

"Ning hates me. I took Sorn from her."

 

"That's all in your head."

 

"What? As if you know what happened."

 

"I can guess. Ning isn't the type to hold grudges, though."

 

"It's not about that. I just feel guilty. Ning and Sorn had been close friends before I was in the picture. It made Ning feel like someone had taken away someone important to her."

 

Mee looks crestfallen. Since it's not my place to comfort anyone, I can only say a few things.

 

"Since you took him from her, you should take good care of him to make it worth it."

Before we talk any further, we hear loud stomps from the second floor. Tong dashes downstairs. I look at the tan guy who startles the customers.

 

"What? You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

"Why didn't you pick up the phone?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Ket fell at the department building."