"Are you leaving?"

 

A low voice asks as I pack up my things. The clock on the wall in the club room shows it's half past five. I nod and shove my stuff into my backpack before turning to Fou.

 

"I'm off."

 

"Why so early?"

 

Right. I usually spent a long time in the club room, like it was a second home. But I've been uneasy for the past few days. Since Ning arrived, we haven't confronted each other. Plus, the atmosphere at the residence is intense. Mee and Sorn haven't spoken to each other.

 

"I'll work on the contest."

 

"Don't overwork yourself. Tell me if you need anything."

 

"Come on. I won't die that easily."

 

I wave at Fou and leave with the other guy trailing after. Someone calls my name a few moments after I'm out. I turn to Mi, whom I've barely talked to lately. She runs over and halts in front of Ket and me, smiling sweetly as always. This girl is so bright.

 

"I'm glad you made up," says the Daisy girl. She hands Ket and me each a paper bag.

 

"I made this for you. Please try it."

 

I peek inside the bag and see homemade cookies. Come to think of it, I haven't paid much attention to this girl. I don't know how things stand between her and Fou right now.

 

"How are you and Fou?"

 

The sunset reflects on her big, round eyes. The girl's cheeks slightly reddened.

 

"Good."

 

"You haven't told him?" I ask. It seems Mi doesn't want to answer, but she flashes a sweet smile again in a second, not allowing anyone to worry about her sad expression. Just like the man next to me.

 

"No, but I think that's for the best."

 

For the best? How is it good to not confess her feelings and keep looking at him from afar? Is she waiting for him to be taken by someone else first?

 

"I'm happy to be by his side. Even though I don't know what or who he likes, it's enough for me."

 

Someone ruffles Mi's hair gently, but that's not me. It's the guy beside me. He offers her a faint smile as if he empathises with her.

 

"Just being by his side is really enough."

 

I gaze at the floor. Noticing that, Mi holds my hands. How is a spoiled little girl, cheerful, always smiling, laughing, and looking fragile and gentle, so strong?

 

"I bet you know how it feels, Kieng. Staying with the person you love is the best."

 

Mi places something on my hand before running back inside the club room. I look at the kitty ring with mixed feelings. I look back on a few days after Ket came back. The day I woke up in the club room with whiskers on my face. Ket likes cats… How did I forget?

 

"Wanna take a walk on the beach?" The man beside me says, propping his hand on my hair and ruffling it gently.

 

Even though Ket has never told me anything, after years we've spent together...

I know many things he likes and dislikes. Right. I just didn't pay attention. I was preoccupied with myself, afraid of being ignored, given the cold shoulder, scolded, and that Ket would be taken away. That explains why I didn't care about his interest.

 

Why did I never care about how Ket felt? Why did I keep blaming Ket when we both disappeared from each other's lives? The selfish person… The one who should apologise… Isn't it me?

 

The chilly seawater touches my feet. The sounds of the waves and breeze hit my ears. The sea remains the place that eases my mind. The sun, shining in all its colours over the horizon, has been my favourite thing since I moved here.

 

Not to mention the kids playing football on the beach and families playing in the water. Ket and I amble along the beach. There are millions of things I wish to say. Why didn't I realise it sooner? Why did I never think about how much I hurt the man beside me? I hate myself sometimes for acting like the centre of his universe.

 

"Do you still like cats?" I say in the breeze. The man beside me cracks a soft laugh after staying quiet for some time.

 

"I do."

 

I look at the person wearing sneakers on the beach. Despite knowing the sand will get inside, Ket refuses to take them off to walk on the sand. He won't let his feet touch the sea because he hates it. The sea took his cousin away.

 

"But your family didn't let you have one, right?"

 

"My mom doesn't like cats."

 

I chuckle. Ket really loves his mother. That was the reason Ket never told his family he liked cats. They kept a dog because his mother loved dogs. But since we were always together at school, I often spotted Ket playing with the cats around the guardhouse after classes. Back then, he was such a gentle boy.

 

"You behaved like cats," I tease. Ket raises his eyebrow.

 

"How?"

 

"You were haughty."

 

"Wh..."

 

"You were freaking unapproachable. You had this unfriendly aura emitting from your body all the time."

 

"Was it that bad?"

 

Yes, it was.

But I could see his faint blue aura, so 1 knew he wasn't the type to shut himself from others. Isn't the blue light beautiful? Like the seawater under the evening sun today. It also looks so lonely.

 

"And yet, you talked to me."

 

"Because no one talked to you."

 

"Oh, yeah?" Ket laughs. I've never been bored with looking at the smile on his face.

 

"But I was happy that you talked to me."

 

"You'd better be. I swallowed my pride to do that."

 

"I would've been broken that day without you."

I stop walking upon those words, completely still. I fix my eyes on the clear seawater washing over my legs and the fine sand slowly swallowing my feet like the past trying to bury me in the ground.

 

"Are you hurt?"

 

I clench my fist tightly, every inch of my body engulfed in weakness. Numerous memories circle around me, like the sand gradually sucking me down. I threw the brush-washing bucket at his face, swore at him, threw the ball at him so hard he bled, kissed him and said I wanted to puke, ignored him, got kissed by Dalha, and kept asking why he came back. Even though I don't know the real intention of his return...

 

Since he's here and has revealed he still loves me like the first day… How did he feel when I treated him poorly, when he'd never stopped loving me. Ket roots his feet in front of me. He's taken off his sneakers, his bare feet sinking in the water.

 

"It's okay."

 

"Why? You're as hurt as I am. Why are you saying it's okay?" It irritates me the more I listen to him. Why? Why has he never said a word?

 

"Just seeing you.."

"."

 

"..is the best thing to me."

 

Before going home, I stop by the convenience store to buy a few things, including someone's favourite jelly. I'm not planning to buy it. But, after looking at Ket's broad back as he plays with a cat in front of the store, I grab one.

 

I stop in front of the restaurant with Ket, reading the sign that should be 'Open.' It's 'Closed' today, though. The wind chime makes a sound in the breeze. I push open the door into the dark restaurant, illuminated by the dim light from the streetlights, which helps me see things. Only the light in the back area is on. I crane my neck to check who's in there.

 

"Oh, Tou."

 

this time?

 

The fourth-year pharmacy student is reading in front of the washing machine. Who the hell is doing laundry at

 

"Hey."

 

"You're out of your room now?" I tease.

 

"Yeah. I slept too much and forgot to do laundry."

 

"It'll smell musty."

 

"It's okay. I can do it again tomorrow."

 

Good grief. He should just do it tomorrow morning. What's with his logic?

 

"I'm going up, then."

 

"Why are Sorn and Mee fighting?" Tou asks before I even move. I'm not surprised he's aware of the fight. Well, they were super loud

 

"I don't know."

 

"I saw Mee sitting in front of Sorn's room with a sad face."

 

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

 

Tou sighs in weariness. He hardly leaves his room to exchange words with anyone. He goes out to study, comes back to study some more in his room, then sleeps and goes out to study again. We don't get to see him often.

 

"Could you come to me before going out tomorrow?"

 

"You want me to get you some stuff?"

 

"Yeah. For work."

 

"Sure."

 

I turn around to ascend the stairs, where someone is waiting. I feel oddly disheartened, probably because of the new resident. Even though Ning is staying for a short while before looking for an apartment, I still feel downhearted. I don't understand what she's here for.

 

"Are you working on your artwork tonight?" Ket asks. I nod. I have to focus on the contest first and deal with other things later.

 

"I'll study next to you."

 

"No need to. I need to concentrate."

 

"It's okay. I want to be with you."

 

Yeah.

 

Not replying, I spin around and return to my room. I grasp the doorknob with my right hand, but don't twist it. I look at the stairs. It should be fine to check on them. Seeing the dim light from the room up there, I stop on the third floor and crane my head to find Mee sitting in front of Son's room. The door is ajar. When I show myself, Mee, seemingly deep in thought, puts his finger over his mouth to quiet me.

 

Is he eavesdropping? Mee pats the space next to him, so I settle there complacently. Despite the nearly inaudible conversation, the place is silent enough for me to hear two people inside talking.

 

"Why do you look so worried?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"I'm your friend. Why wouldn't I know when you're worried?"

 

"Wan doesn't want you to stay here."

 

"Yeah, I know. I actually don't want to bother you."

 

"I don't mind you staying here, Ning."

 

"It's okay. I'll move out once I get an apartment."

 

"Sorry."

 

"Don't be. Why is that idiot so worried? Is he afraid I'll take you away?" Ning's joke makes Mee frown. He exhales a soft sigh and leans his head against the wall behind him.

 

"I guess."

 

"I'm not here because of us. The things between us three ended long ago."

 

Was it a love triangle? I never knew that something like that happened to Ning.

 

"I'm here because of Ket and Kieng."

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

"Stop being worried, then. The frown doesn't look good on you."

 

Sorn laughs, but Mee doesn't seem any less worried.

 

"How are Ket and Kieng?" I freeze at Ning's question. Mee turns to me. I can't comprehend the meaning of his gaze, but he rests his large hand on my head and ruffles my hair.

 

"Better."

 

"Really? What a relief."

 

"Are you here out of worry that they're not getting along?"

 

"No. Kieng told me Ket was drunk on the phone, so I got worried."

 

"It sounds like you're close to him."

 

"His mom told me to take care of him."

 

I don't understand Ning's words. What does it mean? Why did Ket's mother leave him with her? Why did Ning suddenly become close to Ket? Why is she talking like it's all normal, as if nothing has ever happened? It's like Ket's mother never considered us two as strangers.

 

"I see myself in Ket right now. He looks strong but is weak on the inside, while Kieng looks weak but is scarily strong on the inside."

 

Haha. Should I be happy to hear that?

 

"I raised Kieng since he was born. I sometimes felt like his mom. I must've been a terrible mom for letting him get hurt."

 

"If you raised him since he was a baby, you should've known how he felt toward Ket."

 

Ning goes quiet for a moment before laughing softly.

 

"I knew. I knew since those boys became friends."

 

"Then why did you hinder their relationship...? Was it because of me and Wan?"

 

"Partly. My crush dated his male friend. I couldn't possibly congratulate you. But since you chose him, I believed he could take care of you."

 

"Sorry."

 

"You're apologising again. That's a bad habit."

 

Mee shifts and flees into his room. I think he really hates Ning, and my sister dislikes him, too. Given the conversation, Ning probably had a crush on Sorn, but Sorn liked Mee. Ning, heartbroken, despised this kind of relationship and disagreed with Ket and me dating. How cruel. It was her personal experience. She couldn't make Sorn love her, so she ruined someone else's Relationship. I begin to really hate Ning.

 

"I've done Kieng wrong so many times. That's why I didn't hesitate to tell Ket where Kieng was and what he was doing upon his arrival. I know, deep down, Kieng still loves Ket."

 

"Now...do you think you can change anything?"

 

"No. I won't change anything. I just want Kieng to be as happy as possible."

 

"That's good to hear."

 

"I just want to see their smile. Making them turn their backs on each other is the greatest mistake in my life."

 

"I think King understands you."

 

"No. To a boy who got ignored and deemed a burden to his parents, Ket was his everything, yet I separated them. If I were Kieng, I would be terribly hurt. Ket was the only person he loved."

 

I cover my ears, get up, and leave. I don't want to hear Ning's voice anymore.

Had she not held my arm that day, I would've walked to Ket. Ket wouldn't have looked at me with those eyes. We would've talked. Only a few words would've been enough.

 

I hate her.

I hate everyone who separated Ket and me.

Even though I was always the reflection in his eyes...

She made it disappear.