It takes me almost half an hour to stop crying, and Ket and I sit quietly. Ket disappears from the room for a few moments and returns with two cups of coffee for us, including the blue gel pack for me.

 

He sets the whale cup in front of me. The pleasant smell of coffee relieves stress to some extent. press the gel pack on my eyes and lay my head on the bed, my eyes swollen like they were stung by bees.

 

I'm sleepy because I've been up all night. Things are probably clearer after I've poured my heart out earlier. Ket must know how I've been feeling now. Although I said I hated him, my feelings for him remained the same. I wish to know what Ket will do next, given that I'm still into him.

 

"I'm sorry," he whispers in a soft, low voice. The only sound in the room is the ticking clock.

 

"Um."

 

"There's nothing between Tong and me. He was tutoring me."

 

"Um." That's all I can say. I'm so exhausted that I need to sleep.

 

"Tong's kiss was out of the blue. I'm sorry."

 

"Um."

 

Ket goes silent. Suddenly, Ket's lips touch mine, softly, and retreat.

 

"But this. I feel it."

 

I press my lips together tightly. The mild taste of coffee lingers on my lips.

 

"What do you feel?"

 

"I like it."

 

The voice over my ears sends heat rushing to my face. I've betrayed my heart for a long time, and now I'm losing to all his actions after a breakdown.  I cover my lips with my arm, afraid he'll kiss me again. I don't want to kiss him now that I recall Tong's lips touching Ket's earlier. I'm too tired to do anything right now. I'll let go of all the things stuck in my mind for the time being. I only want one thing.

I reach out, grab Ket's shirt, and pull him toward me. Ket puts his weight on my body, his sharp nose pressing against my shoulder as he breathes on my neck.

 

"Stay like this for a minute."

 

Everything turns black.

 

 

It was Friday. Friday meant we could be together a little bit longer. Today, I decided to confess my feelings to him, the quiet boy in the same classroom.

 

The dim orange light cascaded into the classroom after the bell. I still remember that scene. It was my first time wishing to capture the sight with my own hands. I wanted to draw. I was fascinated by the matching colours.

 

The boy with beautiful brown eyes sat at his table, his legs dangling under the chair. He was gazing out the window, too focused on a squirrel jumping from one tree to another to notice someone staring at him.

 

I stepped toward Ket. Even when I was close, he still didn't notice it. ‘I like you.' Those words slipped out of my mouth, and those gazing eyes turned to mine. At first, Ket looked in disbelief.

 

I pressed my lips together tightly, scared our friendship would be destroyed. But then, he smiled. Ket held out his small hand.

 

'Um.'

 

The sound of acknowledgement in his throat showed he wasn't disgusted with it. The short, simple confession led our relationship to develop from friends to special ones, and from special ones to lovers. It was such a happy time.

 

 

I shift slightly and open my eyes. The other guy's broad shoulders and neck are the first things I see. I withdraw my body in shock at my position. I straddled Ket with my face buried in his neck when he was the one doing it initially.

 

Ket's heaving chest shows he's sound asleep like he was. I take this chance to observe his face closely. He's changed a lot. No matter how much I look at him, I insist he's changed significantly. The feeble boy back then looks stronger than me now. Those closed eyes. I notice now that his lashes aren't long, but they fit his eyes perfectly. That sharp nose is my favourite part of his face, the lips. An idea pops up in my head. I quickly turn to grab a note and pen from the desk to write it down.

 

Dalha mentioned a kiss mark. I remember an article about a female artist creating her piece with kiss marks. If this is what Dalha was trying to say, then... isn't it brilliant?

 

'Applied art. Apply objects in everyday life to art.'

 

But I know nothing about lipsticks. Dalha can definitely help me with that. I call Fou in excitement. Since I don't have Dalha's number, phoning her brother is the best idea. The fire in me burns so vigorously that I want to create those pictures right away. While waiting for him to pick up, I start sketching. The sea, mountains, trees, flowers, and all the other things appear in my head. What conveys meaning well?

 

What suits kiss marks? What's the meaning Dalha indicated with 'Kiss marks hold more meaning than you think?

 

Fou isn't picking up. I text him that I want to talk to Dalha about the contest and need her to contact me, then I toss my phone on the desk and forget it. I turn to the man sleeping next to my bed with his chin on his chest. A few minutes later, I blush at the sketch on the desk.

 

I excel in anatomy despite hating it. It's a picture of a man gazing ahead, his back covered in rose-shaped kiss marks. It all needs to be colored in red to portray infatuation with a hint of sorrow from the man who can't fulfil his desire. I rest my head on the desk and stare out the window at the dark sky.

 

Now that I've blown off some steam, my head is clear enough to think of an idea. I'm not sure if it'll work, but it should do.

 

Sigh.

I exhale a soft sigh. Ket isn't the cause of my explosive venting. It's Tong, who squeezed everything out of me. I feel awful for swearing at him because Tong has been taking care of me as much as Sorn has. I want to apologise to him now that I've reflected on my action.

 

I leave the desk and get a sweater from the closet to cover the man in a deep sleep in someone else's room. I then close the door softly and walk up to the third floor. I knock on Tong's door with the back of my hand. Soon, the room owner shows up.

 

"Hey."

 

Tong doesn't seem mad at me. In his hands is a thick stack of sheets. I assume he's gone back to studying after finishing Mario Neko, considering these law documents.

 

"I'm here to apologise."

 

"For what?"

 

"For calling you a motherfucker this morning," I say softly and get a smack in the head. But, instead of a real smack, Tong props his hand on my hair and ruffles it gently.

 

"I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry, too. I just thought you two would've ignored each other until Mee got grey hair if you didn't talk it out."

 

"Haha," I crack a dry laugh at Tong's lame joke.

 

"Are you okay now? I don't want to see you two fight."

 

"I guess.."

 

The tan guy pinches my cheek so hard it hurts.

 

"Don't give me that. You've always been the kind of person who does whatever he wants. Don't stop yourself by overthinking things."

 

"But I'm scared deep inside."

 

"You will never fucking get anything done if you're scared. What if Ket got drunk and was hit by a car? Wouldn't you be devastated?"

 

"Ugh, that shitty mouth of yours."

 

"Oh, ain't I right?" He's right. Life is short. Ket gets drunk often. If one day he tries to get home by himself, I might have to confess my feelings for him in front of his coffin, not in person.

"Thank you."

 

"If you fight again, I'll do more than kissing."

 

"Ugh, damn you."

 

"Talk it out. Don't keep it to yourself. I'm speaking as I see you two as my brothers. Ket was worried that you might not love him anymore, so he didn't dare to do anything much."

 

"Did he tell you?"

 

"Yeah. He's been sleeping over in my room because he needed my advice about you." Tong pushes my chest with his finger. Seeing me quiet, he gives me another soft smack on the head.

 

"You've also been afraid, refusing to admit you only have eyes for him."

 

"You're talking like you know."

 

"I opened my door and saw it every day. You probably looked at him more often than yourself in the mirror."

 

"Why did you care?!"

 

"Just say I'm nosy."

 

That motherfucker Tong disappears into his room, leaving me here in silence.

I didn't know that because Ket never told me, so I thought he came back to mess with me. However, that wasn't what the others saw. Ning and Tong pointed out that 

 

Ket was overthinking it, fearing I might not be into him anymore, which explained why he never made it clear. As for his true feelings, I have no clue. But I'll wait for him to explode like I did, not run to alcohol when something bothers him.

 

"Oh, Kieng." Tong opens the door again, startling me. What the hell?

 

"You scared me."

 

"Ket once said if you still love him..."

 

"What?"

 

"He'll crush you in bed."

 

WHAT THE FUCK?

 

Ket is like this because he's spent time with you. Go back into your rabbit hole. I scratch the shut door like an angry cat. Hearing him laughing in contentment, I kick the door.

 

Why did Ket consult Tong, of all people? I bet Ket's head is full of perverted stuff right now. I shake the wild thoughts out of my head and find something to eat downstairs, where it's super crowded. I didn't tell Sorn I needed some days off, but he didn't mind since he had enough staff. I greet Sorn, who's busy taking beer out of the fridge, while Mee cooks at the stove like usual.

 

"Hungry now?"

 

He knows.

 

"I'll grab something. You don't need to cook for me. There are heaps of customers."

 

"Who said I'd cook for you?"

 

"mph," I grumble, search for a meal in the fridge, and take out the two boxes of sausage fried rice I bought. I put them in the microwave, look at Mee, and notice his troubled expression. Plus, when Sorn enters the kitchen, they avoid eye contact.

Their actions mirror Ket and me fighting.

 

"Are you fighting with Sorn?" My question stops Mee from putting the pasta into the pan, only for a second, but I notice it.

 

"No."

 

"But you're avoiding each other."

 

"Mind your own business."

 

I'm asking out of worry. All right, then!

 

I bring two sets of meal boxes and two Fanta-one set for Ket-upstairs. With my hands full, I knock on the door with my leg. I wonder if he's up now. The door slowly opens, showing the person inside on the phone. Ket eyes me in vexation.

Wait, in his hand. That's my phone.

 

"Who.."

 

Ket puts that person on the speaker to let me know who it is.

 

[lf you fight again, I'll take Kieng.]

 

I remember the clear voice belongs to the girl who caused my breakdown today. I put the tray down and reach out to Ket to snatch the phone, but he raises it.

 

"No chance!" Ket shouts at my face in a firm, low voice, seemingly aiming at me as well, not only Dalha. He stares at me quietly as if to let me see what's about to happen.

 

[Eh.. I heard you two broke up. Why are you acting all possessive of him?]

 

"I've never said we broke up."

 

[But aren't you just an ex? Am I mistaken? I remember that's what Kieng told Fou.] I don't understand their conversation, but, judging by Ket's expression, he's dying to throw my phone on the floor. This is bad. Ket goes silent. The status of our relationship is indeed complicated.

 

[If you're not dating, it means you're not in a relationship. Don't be selfish and keep Kieng to yourself. You've never even acted like you're into him. Let him go.]

 

"No."

 

[Why? Kieng doesn't love you anymore, right?]

 

Ket lowers the phone enough for me to yank it back. turn around swiftly and walk away to talk to Dalha about the contest, but Ket drapes his long arms around my waist from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder.

 

"But I still love Kieng, like I did the first day I fell for him."

My heart races. I gaze down at my phone, and Dalha is still on the line.

 

[Make it clear, then, before some random person takes him away.]

 

"I will." Ha, you'll do what?

 

I try to peel Ket's arms off, but fail. I solved the problem by putting Dalha off the speaker to talk to her in private, though it's not really private because of the other man eavesdropping

 

"This is Kieng."

 

[You're here?] Dalha's annoyed voice turns bright as soon as she hears me. [Fou said you wanted to talk to me, so I called you, but your ex picked up. Did you make up?]

 

"Yeah?" We made up, right?

 

Given his arms tightening around me like a snake, suppose so.

 

"I have an idea for the contest. I need you to help me shop for lipsticks."

 

[You have an idea now? When should we do it? Tomorrow? I'll tell Fouto give me a lift.]

 

"Tomorrow afternoon should be fine. At Laemtong."

 

[Okay. I'll tell Fou]

 

"Yeah. Goodnight."

 

[Goodnight.]

 

Dallha hangs up, but I still clutch my phone in a tight grip.

 

"Will you let me go now?"

 

"No, the man behind me protests, tightening his arms. "Where are you going?"

 

"I'll buy stuff for the contest tomorrow."

 

"Let me tag along."

I'm surprised by the sudden change in his actions. Ket usually doesn't talk much, always keeping his mouth shut. Just like me. The difference is he's not as expressive as I am, so I don't know what's on his mind.

 

"Sure. It's good to have more opinions."

 

"I don't want you to be alone with her."

 

"Dalha is my friend."

 

"Friends don't kiss."

 

"You kissed Tong."

 

"Tong kissed me. I did nothing."

 

"Dalha kissed me. I did nothing."

 

We start fighting over such a silly thing, then we fall silent. Ket tightens his embrace. Despite his size, has this man really changed? The mini Ket was a quiet boy but could be brave when necessary. Now that he's no longer the mini Ket, I can't fathom what this man wants to do.

 

"You want to know how I feel. I don't know right now."

 

"Yeah. It's okay."

 

"Give me some time."