My life lately felt like I was cursed, as if all the bad luck in the world had decided to gang up on me. Every morning, I woke up feeling lifeless, and everything around me seemed dull and grey. I wasn't sure whether it was due to my sadness or to the PM2.5 in the air. Since that conversation with P'Cher in the van that day, I'd been thinking things over. I finally decided that I needed to put some distance between myself and Third, going back to just being friends for the sake of his career. I knew this decision would hurt both of us, but I didn't want to be the reason his promising acting career got derailed. He was someone I deeply cared about.

 

I'd thought about talking to Third about the situation to find a solution, but I knew how stubborn he could be. He wouldn't listen. So, I had to be the bad guy. It might not have been the right thing to do, but it was the best I could do for someone I liked. I didn't care about my own reputation or if people criticised me. I never wanted to be an actor in the first place. But Third loved this career and wanted to protect his dreams and future, even if it meant we both had to endure the pain.

 

Maybe it just wasn't the right time for us. If, in the future, we still had feelings for each other, perhaps we could reconnect. But I didn't dare hope. After all, how could you expect him to hold onto any feelings for me when I was the one causing him pain?

 

Ding!

"You're presenting today, right? Good luck!"

 

Standing in my student uniform, combing my hair in front of the mirror, I glanced at my phone screen as it lit up with a message. Third still remembered that I had a research presentation today, even though we hadn't spoken in days. That realisation caused a lump to form in my throat. I quickly sent back a thank-you sticker out of politeness, then turned on Do Not Disturb mode and took a deep breath.

 

Don't overthink, Wan. Just focus on your studies.

 

I told myself, trying to shake off the thoughts. I hurried to get dressed, grabbed my backpack, and rode my motorbike from the condo to the university. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself, every time I thought about his message and how he kept sending messages for days, even without a response, guilt weighed heavily on my chest.

 

Today was the day of my research presentation. Since it was an important day that could determine my academic future, I avoided social media from the moment I woke up. I even told P'Cher to leave me a message if anything came up, and I'd get back to her after class.

 

When I arrived at the university, I noticed the stares from other students as I walked by. Ever since I started acting in a series, people often stared at me. smiled politely and hurried to my classroom. But because I was so preoccupied with my presentation, I didn't notice that today, their gazes carried a hint of suspicion.

 

"Hey, you ready?"

 

"Ready? Hell no! I still can't remember my script!" Jay, who'd arrived earlier and was frantically memorising his lines, groaned as he ruffled his hair. I dropped into the seat next to him. My close friend glanced up from his iPad, hesitating before saying my name. "Wan, you.."

 

"What?" I blinked, waiting for him to continue. But Jay hesitated again, letting out a heavy sigh before saying, "...Never mind. We'll talk later. Just focus on your notes. You're presenting before me."

 

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, frowning slightly, puzzled by his behaviour. I also noticed that other classmates were looking at me, too. This wasn't normal. My friends had known me for four years; they wouldn't suddenly act like the rest of the university students, staring at me all day.

 

Still, my anxiety about the presentation took priority. I ignored the stares and focused on reviewing my script until the professor entered the room. When it was my turn to present, I pushed down my nerves and delivered my presentation as planned. My research topic, 'The Image of BL Series Actors and Its Impact on Social Media Promotion,' went smoothly. There were only minor details in the written report that I needed to revise.

 

After finishing, I returned to my seat, exhaling deeply as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I quickly grabbed my phone and checked social media under the desk while Jay prepared his presentation slides. As soon as I opened X, I was surprised to see my name trending at the top of Thai X trends. Instead of feeling happy, I had a bad feeling. When I tapped on it, I immediately understood. I was the target of fake news again.

 

Among the countless reposts, nearing hundreds of thousands, the gist was that two anonymous accounts had accused me early this morning of being a 'toxic straight guy' who acted arrogantly and had been a homewrecker since high school, interfering in other people's relationships and stealing their partners. The pattern of these accusations was eerily similar to the last time. It hadn't even been a month, and I was hit with fake news twice. This time, though, I was luckier. 

 

About 80% of netizens in the tag dismissed it as nonsense. Fans fiercely defended me, and both my friends and acquaintances came forward to refute the claims on social media.

 

‘I went to the same school as him, a year below. He never seemed like that. Everyone loved him-friends and even teachers. If this were true, it would've been a huge rumour already. Especially since he's a celebrity, you can't hide stuff like that.'

 

‘When someone's destined for success, there's always drama. I hope his agency sues them all.’

 

‘I was Wan's high school friend. I can confirm he's not a toxic straight guy and never did anything like what's being claimed. He's a gentleman. Everyone loved him. Whoever made this up must be really bored. Did they leave their conscience in their mother's womb?'

 

‘I'm Wan's senior at the faculty. I can vouch that he's never behaved like that. He's too shy to even talk to strangers, let alone act arrogantly or steal someone's partner. Whoever's slandering him, I hope they get sued.'

 

But even with so many people defending me, my reputation still took a hit. Whether the news was true or not believed that rumours always had some basis in reality. Even if I proved my innocence, those who disliked me or were jealous would ignore the facts.

 

'But isn't it weird to have two scandals in less than a month?' Honestly, doesn't this hurt the series' reputation? 

 

‘People are focusing on the drama more than the show! Even from the last time, this guy seemed problematic. His fans are rude, always trying to overshadow others with their own ship. And he seems to enjoy stealing the spotlight. Maybe there's some truth to it. Learn to respect the lead actors.'

 

'Who cast this guy? Shouldn't they just remove him from the series? Even if my favourite actor is in it, I wouldn't want to watch it with this guy. There's still time to recast and reshoot.'

 

I saw plenty of comments like that, too. The last one even had thousands of reposts. So, I was still affected by whether the response to the news was positive or negative. I couldn't help but wonder what I'd done to make someone hate me so much. Did I unknowingly harm them or something?

 

The nerves in my temples throbbed as I exited X and opened LINE. There were hundreds of unread messages from my sister, Third, Renji, fellow actors in the agency, high school friends, and university friends, all expressing concern. But I haven't replied to anyone yet. The first thing I looked for was a message from the agency.

 

There was only one message from P'Jarin. Call me as soon as your class is over. I waited until class ended, feeling guilty for not paying attention to my classmates' presentations at all. As soon as the professor left the room, my classmates approached me immediately. Everyone had seen the news. That explained why they had been staring at me earlier.

 

"Wan, are you okay?"

 

"I don't believe for a second that you're like that, dude. How could you steal someone's partner? It took you almost a year to talk to the girls in our department without avoiding eye contact!"

 

"Those dickheads must be bored. Want us to get back at them? We're ready."

 

"It's okay. Thanks, guys. I'll let the agency handle it," I said with a faint smile, touched by their support. None of them doubted me for a second. Amid all the bad things, there were still good moments.

 

After leaving the classroom, I found a quiet, empty spot on a balcony near an unused classroom to call my manager. Jay followed me silently.

 

[Wan, are you done with class? Where are you?]

"I'm at the university."

 

[Have you seen the news?]

"Yes, I have."

 

[I trust you, but I need to hear it from you directly. You've never done anything like what those accounts are accusing, right? No stealing partners, no toxic behaviour?]

 

"Never," I replied firmly. The agency had already done a background check on me. I wouldn't have lasted this long if they had found anything like that.

 

[Okay, then I'll let our lawyer handle it. Don't stress, Wan. The public is on your side. Everyone's coming out to defend you.]

 

"I'm not stressed at all," answered. It wasn't true, and I had a pretty good idea why these rumours kept surfacing.

 

It was sabotage. I'd stepped on someone's toes, and the main reason was likely my relationship with Third. The previous rumour was an attempt to block my rise. Nine had brought up the issue of stealing the spotlight. Others on set must've noticed the changes between Third and me, combined with the trending hashtag #ThirdWan. 

 

When piecing everything together, it all made sense. Even P'Cher had guessed that Third and I were talking. Others probably knew, too, and didn't want it to happen because it could affect the series and the ThirdNine fandom. It was a preemptive strike. Since I was the obstacle, someone was trying to get rid of me.

 

[You don't have any work today, so take some time to rest. Don't respond to anything. The agency will handle it. I'll update you later, okay?] P'Jarin said before hanging up.

 

My eyes dimmed as I looked up at the overcast sky and sighed deeply. "Sometimes I think I shouldn't have pushed you to audition," Jay, standing beside me, said softly, his voice

filled with guilt.

 

"No, you meant well. This kind of thing... it's just part of the industry," I replied with a faint smile. The entertainment world, so bright and colourful from the outside, was full of sharp thorns hidden beneath its beauty, like a rose concealing its danger.

 

"Haaah, don't stress about it, man. Everyone knows you're not like that. Let's go grab something to eat. What about Mala skewers? My treat."

 

"Sorry, Jay. I just want to go back to my room and sleep," I declined. When bad things happened, I never had the appetite for anything. I just wanted to be alone.

 

"Alright, no problem. Another time, then."

 

"Sorry."

 

"Don't be. Resting is the best thing for you right now," Jay said, patting my shoulder understandingly. We said our goodbyes, and I rode my motorbike back to my condo.

 

I stopped by a convenience store to grab a boxed meal, but left it untouched on the table once I got to my room. Instead, I sat on the couch, hugging my knees and replying to LINE messages from friends. I'd always known I didn't have many friends, but when something happened, even those I wasn't close to messaged me not out of nosiness, but out of genuine concern and trust. I was deeply moved.

 

Wan, call me back when you're free. 

 

There was only one message I hadn't opened yet. Third had been messaging me periodically. I was overwhelmed with confusion and guilt. I wanted to call him, to hear his voice so badly, but I couldn't.

 

The obstacle to Third's dream of becoming a successful actor was me. In this industry, talent without popularity meant nothing. Right now, Third couldn't afford to lose any fanbase, especially the ship fandom, which could help his career move forward.

 

This is so pathetic. I used to think this kind of thing was utterly ridiculous, but in the end, I have to bow to capitalism. For the sake of the person I like reaching the pinnacle of his dreams, I'm willing to do anything...Maybe... I'm not cut out for this industry from the start.

 

I sat there for hours, weighing the pros and cons of various scenarios until I made a decision. I took a deep breath and mustered the courage to pick up my phone. My hands trembled as I scrolled to find P'Jarin's number.

 

[What's up, Wan? We're about to release a statement to sue those trolls. Don't worry-]

 

"P'Jarin, I need to talk to you. I want to speak with P' Wut."

[P' Wut?] 

 

The surprise in his voice was evident when I mentioned the agency owner and the series's main investor. [What's going on?]

 

"I've been thinking. All this chaos is my fault. I think you and P'Cher already know about me and Third and me, and you can probably guess why I've been targeted."

 

[Well... yeah, but let me handle this first. We can talk about the other stuff later.] P'Jarin tried to sound casual, but I could tell he was stressed. After all, I wasn't the only actor in the series. If the series faced backlash and viewers boycotted it, everyone would be affected.

 

I've thought about it. I don't want the series that everyone worked so hard on to face problems because of me. Maybe I'm... not suited for this path."

 

[Wan!]

"Maybe it'd be better if I... withdrew from the series." My throat tightened as I spoke those heavy words. The series was already halfway through filming. Even though I didn't have many scenes, my character was still significant. But this might be the best solution I could come up with-for everyone's sake.

 

"I know it sounds irresponsible. I have no excuses. I'm willing to pay any penalties. Please consider it," I said. 

 

[Wan, let's talk in person first. I'll inform P’Wut and set up a meeting. Okay?]

 

"Okay," I agreed. After hanging up, I buried my face in my knees and closed my eyes.

 

Buzz...

I didn't know how much time had passed as I sat there, but the sound of my phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts. My heart raced when I saw Third's name on the screen. I hesitated for a moment, but my hand moved on its own before my brain could stop it. I answered the call after ignoring his numerous attempts since morning. 

 

"Hello?"

[How are you?] His usually calm, cold voice sounded unusually anxious, making my heart both warm and ache with guilt.

 

"I'm fine. You're calling because of the news, right? Don't worry. I've already talked to my agency."

 

 [Is there anything I can do to help? Is your agency really going to sue, or are they just bluffing? This is the second time this has happened to you. Just threatening to sue isn't enough. Let me help. I know a lawyer]

 

"No, really, it's fine," I quickly interrupted. At the same time, I felt like crying because of how much he cared, even though I was trying to distance myself from him. He probably knew that, too.

[Are you okay right now?] His voice softened, filled with emotions I couldn't see but could feel. I swallowed hard, deciding it was time to end this.

 

"Third, I've talked to my manager."

[.]

 

"I'm thinking of withdrawing from the series."

 

The line went silent. He was probably in shock. But I knew that if I didn't step back, people would keep targeting me with rumours. Even though this decision would have consequences, the damage could be worse if I stubbornly pushed forward as if nothing had happened. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice the small things for the greater good. That's just how business works.

 

"After thinking it over, I realised I don't love acting that much. I'm not suited for this industry. So, I'm going to talk to my agency this evening. Maybe replacing me with another actor would be better," I said, forcing a casual tone despite the pain. The truth was, I enjoyed acting. While I didn't love it, I genuinely wanted to do my best.

 

I hated lying. I didn't want to be irresponsible. But I was completely lost, unable to see any other way.

 

[Where are you right now?] Third asked, his voice steady.

 

"At... my room," I hesitated before answering, thinking someone as busy as him wouldn't actually come to my condo.

 

[Wait there. I'll call when I get there.]

"What? Third!"

 

Beep!

He hung up. I tried calling him back, but he didn't answer. Don't tell me he's really coming here?!

 

I sat there anxiously, trying to call him while also checking social media. My agency had already released a statement threatening to sue the source of the rumours, but the drama between the two fanbases was far from over. Fans of the ThirdNine ship had started a hashtag demanding my removal from the series. It’s not surprising. Maybe stepping down from the series was the best thing for everyone. 

 

Buzz...

Half an hour later, Third called again. I answered immediately.

 

"Hello?"

[I'm at your condo's lobby.]

 

I grabbed my keycard and rushed out of my room, my mind a whirlwind of emotions. I didn't even know what I'd say when I saw him.

 

When the elevator reached the ground floor, I quickly strode toward the lobby. My heart pounded heavily as I caught sight of a tall, familiar figure in a student uniform sitting with his back to me. Even though he wore a mask and a hat to conceal his face, the aura of someone famous was impossible to hide. 

 

“Wan”, When he turned round and saw me, he immediately stood up and came over to me. I grabbed his arm and took him to the condo's garden to talk.

 

"Don't you have work?"

 

"I have class today," he replied. That made sense. If he had work, he wouldn't have been able to come see me.

 

"Then why are you here?"

 

"To talk face-to-face." Third pulled off his mask, revealing the tension on his sharp features as he gripped my shoulder. "Why did you say you were going to back out?"

 

"It's the best choice I could think of," I said with a bitter smile. It might seem irresponsible to quit halfway through, but I believed that if the agency weighed the pros and cons, they would likely agree with me.

 

"It's the worst choice, actually. You didn't do anything wrong, so why do you have to back out?" His deep voice was firm, just as I'd expected.

 

"Third, you might not know this, but most of the audience is demanding that I be removed from the series," I tried to explain. Knowing him, I guessed he knew why everything was happening, but he wouldn't care. He'd do what he wanted to do. So it's my responsibility to step back... for his future.

 

"I know. But why should that matter?"

 

"It matters because they're the audience who will watch. They're the ones who support you. If I stay, everyone will-"

 

"So what? Work is work, and personal matters are personal. I like you, so who cares!" His deep, resolute voice echoed throughout the area.

 

I was momentarily stunned. A whirlwind of emotions surged within me, making my eyes burn. Hearing the person I liked confess that he liked me, too, should've been the happiest moment. But at the same time, I couldn't smile and tell him that I liked him back.

 

I took a step back and gave him a sorrowful smile. “Thank you for your feelings, Third."

"But I can't accept them."

 

The silence that followed was suffocating. His dark eyes bore into mine as if trying to see straight into my thoughts and feelings.

 

"Why? I thought you liked me too... isn't that right?"

 

Hearing that made my eyes sting even more. Yes, I liked him a lot. But because I liked him, I couldn't allow myself to be an obstacle in his life.

 

 “I do have feelings for you, but for many reasons I don't think it’s a good time for us to move forward”, I said as calmly as I could, hoping Third wouldn't notice the slight tremble in my voice at the end.

 

"Go back, Third. I want to rest." I turned and walked briskly back into the building, not daring to look back at the expression on the person who stood frozen like a statue. I didn't want to see the pain and disappointment in his eyes, and certainly didn't want him to see my face right now.

 

As soon as the elevator doors closed, the tears I'd been holding back began to fall. I took a deep breath to stifle my sobs and wiped my tears with my hand, but they kept streaming down.

 

It wasn't that I wanted to give up. It wasn't that I didn't want to hold Third's hand and face everything together. But no matter how I looked at it, I couldn't see a way forward. All I would do was drag him down. If that were the case, it would be better for me to walk away from his life. The good feelings between us during this short time... I'd let them remain as just memories.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, signalling a new message. wiped my tears as I stepped out of the elevator and headed back to my room, my eyes focusing on the message P'Jarin had just sent.

 

I've informed P' Wut. See you at the office at 6 PM. In the meantime, I want you to stay calm, Wan. Think it through, and we'll talk this evening.

 

It was unfortunate. No matter how many times I tried to think it through, someone as foolish as I could only come up with this as the best solution.