Jerome opened his eyes with a heavy heart. The surroundings were still pitch black, without a glimmer of light. The steady breathing of the person lying beside him drew his attention, and he couldn't help but move closer to that warmth. He embraced his sleeping lover from behind, burying his face in the other's neck, as he always did.

 

His sweet eyes, now red and swollen, stared blankly into the darkness before him. His gaze was empty and aimless, letting his thoughts drift away with the dream he had just had—a dream that told the whole story about them.

 

Tonight's dream was stranger than any other because for the first time, Jerome didn't see Jinn in his sight. Before him was only his mother, weeping sorrowfully, with his father comforting her by her side. The words he heard made the young man's heart ache.

 

Jinn’s car was involved in an accident, colliding with another car coming from the opposite direction. Both vehicles were travelling at excessive speeds, resulting in a head-on crash. Fortunately, Jinn escaped death but suffered serious injuries. Tragically, Jan, who was also in the car, died instantly at the scene.

 

His father recounted that Jinn was furious when he found out his parents had reconciled and quickly took Jan away. It seemed that Jett had recently been rumoured to be dating someone, further intensifying Jinn’s anger. Driven by his temper and with Jett’s car following closely behind, Jinn accelerated recklessly. Another car, also speeding, lost control and collided head-on. The driver of the other car was critically injured and unconscious, while Jinn was fortunate only to suffer minor physical injuries, though his mind was shattered beyond repair.

 

In his dream, he had just returned from America with his older brother, Vince. After graduating, he wanted to take a vacation, which is why he hadn't been in Thailand for several months. He never imagined that a short trip abroad would lead to such a huge turn of events.

 

Time in this dream passed very quickly. Jan's funeral was held shortly afterwards. Jett, emaciated and barely recognisable as the former famous actor, and Jinn, covered in wounds with an IV drip in his hand and in a wheelchair, attended the ceremony. The father and son spoke to each other, both consumed by the pain of losing their loved one.

 

Jerome stood watching Jinn from a distance, but not close enough to speak. The young man clearly sensed that his dream self intended to have a serious conversation with the other person once this was all over.

 

But this never happened. After Jan's funeral, Jinn disappeared. No one knew where he went. At first, everyone thought Jinn might want to be alone for a while, but after a week passed with no sign of his return, everyone started to worry. Jerome, along with his father and brother, went to Jinn’s condo, but found an empty room with nothing but a single sheet of paper.

 

"Don't look for me. I'm living somewhere. I'll come back someday."

 

That "day" turned out to be six years later. Jerome clearly felt how lost he was in his dream, how his heart ached as if it were dying. He kept asking himself over and over: Why did I have to wait? Why didn't I talk to him back then? Why, why, why?

 

It was an awful feeling. It was only now, in his dream, that he finally realised what his feelings for Jinn were. He realised it when the other person wasn't there to tell him, and it was just...

 

Four years later, Jett died of prolonged grief. Jerome thought this person knew where Jinn was, or even might have met him before, but hadn't told anyone. He suspected the story wouldn't end well, as Jinn didn't even show up at his father's funeral. Nevertheless, all of Jett’s inheritance was transferred to the other person as his only son.

 

Jerome had been searching for Jinn ever since, going everywhere he thought Jinn might be, but he never found him. He used his design and media skills to try to send messages to someone he didn't know where they were. In his dreams, he felt immense pain—pain from longing, pain from his own slow realisation. Every design he created in his name, the inspiration came from his feelings for Jinn. He could only hope that Jinn would one day understand them.

 

The first time Jinn stood before him was at Van's wedding. Van told him that Jinn had sent a gift to congratulate him on his wedding. He thought Jinn must have been keeping an eye on his friends' social media, so he used that platform to post his wish, saying he wanted Jinn, his close friend, to attend his wedding. And Jinn actually came.

 

Jinn now looked almost unrecognisable from six years ago. His body was so thin he could barely be blown away. A faint smile replaced the lively, mischievous grin of the past. Traces of sadness and loneliness were evident on his frail frame. At that moment, Jerome realised that his future self had decided to keep Jinn by his side, never letting him go again for the rest of his life.

 

What happened next was as expected. Jerome took care of Jinn, and he, along with his parents, kept a close eye on him to make sure he couldn't escape again. Jinn said he had been to many places, not staying in one place for long, working small freelance jobs to make ends meet. He stopped designing clothes, not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't anymore. The accident left him with many scars, both physical and emotional.

 

Jinn was heavily addicted to alcohol and cigarettes, to an extreme degree. Jerome had to try very hard to get him to quit completely. He confessed everything to Jinn, who initially seemed disbelieving but eventually accepted. They started dating when they were thirty-one, experiencing both happiness and hardship. Jinn’s alcohol and cigarette addiction severely damaged his physical health, and his mental well-being remained unhealed.

 

Jinn had nightmares almost every night and had to rely on sleeping pills. Jerome started cooking, something he never intended to do, so he could make something useful for Jinn to eat every day. He knew it probably wouldn't help much, but he couldn't bear to do nothing.

 

They were together every day, in a pattern similar to their previous dream. They were happy together, argued with each other, made up, and then fell asleep in each other's arms. It was a familiar and simple daily life.

 

Jinn didn't work after that because he wasn't allowed to, and the doctor wanted him to stay mentally relaxed and free from stress. Jinn's days consisted of staying at the house he bought, writing in his diary, playing with his two cats, and sometimes, old friends would visit, adding to the fun. This went on for several years. Outwardly, he seemed normal, no different from anyone else, but Jerome knew how much Jinn was deteriorating internally.

 

Around the age of forty-two, Jinn began to fall ill more frequently. They went to the hospital so often that it almost became their second home. His body, once fuller from his efforts, began to emaciate again. This time, no matter how good Jerome was at cooking, it couldn't make Jinn regain his appetite even a little. His heart trembled incessantly in his dreams. It was a deep, indescribable pain, like tiny needles slowly piercing his flesh and heart, one by one.

 

This dream ended when Jinn was discharged from the hospital and returned home to rest because his condition had improved. Jerome thought he knew; he knew what the next dream would be, he knew that the next dream would probably be the last one he would dream about the future.

 

Even knowing that a future that will never happen again still hurts so much.

 

“Hmm, Jay, what’s wrong? Crying?” His lover’s sleepy voice startled Jerome slightly. The naked body in his arms slowly turned towards him before the orange light switched on.

 

Jinn opened his eyes, bewildered, and stared at the person hugging him so tightly he could barely move. Drops of water fell on his warm, almost burning skin. Jerome's wet cheeks lifted to meet his gaze. A large hand cupped his face; the pain and reddened eyes made Jinn's heart ache.

 

"It was a nightmare," Jerome let the last tear fall, unable to hold it back any longer. His heart ached so much he could barely breathe.

 

"Shhh, it's okay. It's just a dream. Just a future that will never happen again. I'm here. There, there." Jinn didn't know what his lover dreamt, but he knew it must be about the future—a future the other chose not to tell him about, a future that probably wouldn't be as beautiful as it was now.

 

"Don't you dare leave me. Never, ever leave me." No matter what the meaning of "leaving" is.

 

"How could I leave you? After all these years, I still can't break free. If I can't cut ties today, I can't do it tomorrow either." Jinn hugged the other man tighter, ignoring the fact that his waist was being squeezed so tightly he could barely breathe. This was the first time he'd seen Jerome like this—fearful, heartbroken, in pain, lost and bewildered.

 

"I tried to tell myself it was just a dream, hmph, but damn, it hurts like it's real. I feel like I'm actually there." Jerome didn't care how much he was whining. He no longer cared about maintaining his carefully preserved image. Suddenly, he felt an urge to expose himself to this person. He was afraid that if he didn't reveal it now, there wouldn't be enough time later.

"That's a future that won't happen. You've changed it, haven't you? Look at me. Is the me I am now the same as the me you see?"

 

"It's not the same," Jerome replied softly to his lover, the sound of sobs still escaping his throat.

 

“Yes, it’s not the same, because now you’ve changed it. I’ll be with you until… no, even if you don’t want me to… I will still be here.” Jinn kissed Jerome’s wet hair without hesitation, his arms wrapped tightly around him, as if wanting him to know that he was there, not going anywhere.

 

Shockingly, "I want... I want you to stay with me for the rest of my life," Jerome looked up, staring intently at the other man, his eyes filled with a crazy obsession.

 

"Okay, then we'll be together forever. Just stay like this," Jinn smiled gently at the person who seemed to have lost something, as gently as he could.

 

His lover's smile finally calmed Jerome's heart. The young man moved closer until their faces were level, then kissed him, starting at the forehead. He moved down to his chin before circling back to press his lips against his, leaving no space between them.

 

"You're all mine, all mine, all mine, all mine forever."

 

Jinn stroked the back of the person kissing him, murmuring these almost madmanly words softly, despite their unusually authoritarian and possessive nature. For some reason, he felt the other person was merely trying to remind him, because Jerome's voice wasn't firm at all; it was soft, hoarse, and tinged with a faint longing.

 

The tone was more like a request than a command. A sorrowful voice, as if pleading for his words to come true. What kind of future do you envision for me, Jay?

 

Jinn could only hope that he would find out about it soon, so that at least he could alleviate some of his loved ones' feelings. Share, so the other person doesn't have to suffer alone like this.