“Jinn!!!”

 

Jerome jumped up and lunged to grab the person who was about to open the room door again, even though they had just returned—the person who seemed to want to escape from this situation.

 

"Let me go!" Jinn struggled with all his might, completely ignoring the person holding him from behind. At this moment, the young man felt like his life was utterly miserable, and he didn't want to stand in front of this person any longer.

 

"Jinn! Let's talk first! Ow! My fingers!" Jerome used all his strength to hug Jinn from behind, ignoring the other's desperate struggles. Then, Jinn's three broken fingers were accidentally brushed against his, causing him to cry out in alarm.

 

The cry made Jinn hesitate for a split second, but that was enough for Jerome to shove the other man towards the sofa and stand in front of the doorway. The heavy breathing of both of them competed with each other in the silent room.

 

Jinn didn't even glance back at the person who had used all their strength to throw him in. The young man walked over and flopped face down on the sofa, picking up the Death Note notebook that had fallen on the floor and hiding it under his stomach. He turned his face towards the backrest, not looking at the person standing in the doorway at all. His intention was clear: he didn't want to say a single word.

 

Jerome suppressed the pain in his finger and dragged a shoe rack to block the doorway. He hesitated for a moment before pulling a nearby storage shelf to use as well. At least, if the other person wanted to escape, there would be something to slow them down so he could catch them again.

 

After everything was settled, he turned his attention to the person pretending to be dead on the sofa. He felt a mixture of amusement and fondness in his heart. He knew why Jinn chose not to run into the bedroom; it was pointless. He would have kicked the door open anyway if that had happened. The person who didn't want his own room destroyed chose to lie there pretending to be dead.

 

"I've broken another finger now."

 

"Do you want to break your neck too?" The muffled voice that replied made Jerome chuckle softly.

 

"Turn around and let's talk properly," Jerome gently shook the broad back of the man lying face down.

 

"How did you find it? No, wait, why did you rummage through my underwear shelf? Are you a pervert? Do you want to sniff my underwear?"

 

“A pervert would sniff worn underwear, not washed underwear. And I’m not a pervert. As for how I know, I’m not telling you yet. I want to talk about something else first.” The moment he said this, Jerome felt Jinn’s broad back tense up beneath his dark grey t-shirt. He came, but the other person remained turned towards the backrest, refusing to look at him.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about. Go ahead and mock me, laugh at me, whatever you want. What else is there to discuss?” Jinn closed his eyes, trying to force his tense body to relax as much as possible. Things had already come to this point; nothing could change anymore. It was better this way. Let's just hate each other. Then everything would be over.

 

"Are you crazy? Why would I do that? I just... I never realised I made you feel so bad. I'm sorry." Jerome slumped down onto the floor in front of the sofa where Jinn was lying face down, sitting directly behind the other's head.

 

Jinn opened his eyes in alarm, darting around as if trying to analyse how reliable the words he had heard were. Why wasn't Jerome's condition what he had expected?

 

"Whatever... it doesn't matter. You don't care anyway. If you really want to apologise, just pretend you don't know anything about it. Pretend you never read it before, okay?"

 

"No, I haven't forgotten. I remember everything. I remember every single letter," Jerome denied heartlessly.

 

"Hey! You bastard! You're lying again, aren't you!" The moment Jinn turned his face to the back, the face just inches away startled him so much that he couldn't utter a single word.

 

"I won't forget, because it helped me understand myself better," Jerome smiled gently at the wide-eyed figure in front of him. Two fingers of his left hand, not splinted, lightly stroked the right cheek of the person lying face down on the sofa, motionless as if their consciousness had vanished.

Jinn instantly sat up as if on springs. Her fair cheeks, which had been touched affectionately, flushed bright red as if on command. It was only one cheek that had been touched, but both cheeks turned strangely red.

 

"You... don't even think about playing any weird games with me. This isn't funny. I'm going to punch you until your face is a mess. I don't even care if we end up at the police station." His bloodshot eyes glared ferociously at the man sitting on the floor, as if to let him know that he meant every word he said.

 

"What the hell are you talking about? I wasn't playing anything. I just realised I've missed so much. I'm not blind, I'm just incredibly short-sighted, damn it!" Jerome ruffled his hair until it was a mess, his face showing his frustration and weariness with himself, causing Jinn to narrow her eyes at him.

 

"Why would you care? All you do all day is compete with me."

 

“Yeah, that’s why I overlook so much. I didn’t realise I made you feel that way back in high school. I just saw you with a guy and wanted to give it a try. It’s not like I’ve always liked guys or anything. I’ve never even dated anyone before, you should know that.” Jerome looked up, meeting the gaze of the person sitting above him. He didn’t feel like this posture made him seem superior at all; it was as if he was used to doing it this way.

 

"Because I like men, so I have to be with men. But you... You told me you'd never like men in this lifetime, that men should be with women, that men and men are disgusting... that's what makes me feel bad, you idiot!" Jinn kicked Jerome, who was sitting on the floor, sending him tumbling backwards, before snorting when he saw the other's confused expression.

 

"!!! Me? Did I ever say something like that? Are you crazy? I never said that!" The accused man cried out in disbelief. Jerome couldn't believe he had said anything so utterly disgusting. He couldn't possibly have said it.

 

"You said it, you said it when I was arguing with you about why men can't get married. My mother said they could. And you retorted like that afterwards."

 

"You were just teasing me!" Jinn got angry when this topic came up. No matter how many times he thought back, those words from the other person always made him angry and hurt. He's really something!

 

“..." Jerome, who was thinking.

"Wait a minute, seven years old?! Right? What did I say when I was seven years old? Jinnnnnn, oh my god!" Jerome wanted to grab him and shake him hard until he understood. Seven years old?! Seriously, why is he still thinking about what a seven-year-old said? It's driving me crazy!

 

"Yeah, I remember! Who's like you? You spew out nonsense and then forget! Pfft! You son of a bitch! You're sexist, but you grew up dating men!"

 

"...You, Jinn, I... I was only seven years old back then. I don't even remember what I said when you asked me. But you remember it and take it so seriously even now. Damn it." Jerome was truly speechless. It wasn't that he didn't want to take responsibility for what he had said, but seven years old? Fourteen years have passed since then. The speaker doesn't remember, but the listener never forgets. That's what it's like, isn't it?

 

Jinn blinked slowly, trying to follow Jerome's thoughts. If he couldn't remember saying that at all, did it mean he was the only one fixated on it? Was he the only one taking it so seriously...?

 

"Jinn had just experienced the feeling of thinking differently and perceiving things differently for the first time."

 

"Well, I remember. What else could I do? It was the first time I confessed my feelings to someone and got rejected like that. It's only right that I remember. That's the awful experience of a seven-year-old kid, huh?" Jinn didn't think he was wrong at all. Was he the one at fault for remembering such hurtful words? Even though the person who said them was only seven years old too...

 

Why does it feel like I'm the only one overthinking things?

 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't remember. I'm sorry I said that when I was seven years old. As far as I remember, I just didn't like people seeing me as a girl. Even though you knew I was a boy, my feeling at the time was that you liked me because I resembled a girl. I was seven years old, how else could I express my displeasure?"

 

Jinn fell silent. The young man began to think that what the other person said did have some merit. He himself wasn't very reasonable; he had a hot temper. If it were him, he wouldn't just say something like that; he might have cursed or even punched someone, as he used to do.

 

"...Okay, then I'll forgive you for this. At least if you don't dislike me as you said, I might feel better... I guess." Jinn felt very conflicted inside. Because if he accepted, it would mean he was the one overthinking things, right? The other person didn't dislike him and didn't think that two men dating was ugly.

 

So that means Jerome dating a man isn't just because he wants to steal him; there must be some attraction, too, right? But the person he likes isn't him, just like before.

 

How could it be any different from now, when in the end, it wasn't him anyway...?

 

“And I don’t like those guys either. At first, I just felt like you were stupid for not realising how fickle those guys were, so I tried to steal them from you. It got worse. I tried to show you that they’d go with anyone they liked, to show you they didn’t really like you. But after reading your journal, I realised I was overthinking things. I just wanted someone like me, someone who didn’t like those guys either. No matter how many I stole or how many I dated people I thought you’d like, it just made me look like a psychopath, right?” Jerome glared at the person who burst into laughter the moment he mentioned this.

 

“Haha, you’re giving me goosebumps, but… well, not exactly. At first, I just wanted to find a boyfriend to forget… but the more I looked, the more everyone I was interested in seemed to have something in common with me. It just kept going in circles until I ended up fighting for them. It’s not like I used them to replace them or kill time or anything. I just thought it would be nice to have feelings for them. It’s a shame…” that I didn’t feel anything.

 

"I never thought they were like me before, and I don't think I still feel the same way. The reason I never saw it was because of you. What do the people you like have in common with me? Small, slender, sweet faces. But me, right now, my face is just a little sweeter than others. I'm bulky, big, and taller than you. What am I supposed to connect with them? Even though I keep hitting on people like this, how could I possibly think of them any other way?"

 

"Wow, you talk as if you knew I liked you... You'd like me back, you idiot," Jinn muttered softly in the last part. At least it wasn't as bad as he thought. He probably thought about it too negatively. This time, they'll really just be friends. Sigh.

 

"Then why do you think it's impossible?"

 

Jerome smiled sweetly, filled with affection, at the stiffened figure. His large hand reached out and gently touched Jinn’s chin, softly stroking it without taking his eyes off the other's trembling gaze.

 

"If I knew you still liked me, I would have found the answer for myself a long time ago. Was everything I did just to compete with you, to tease you, to be superior to you, or simply to be in your life, to keep you tied to me?"

 

If he had known from the start, things would have changed in ways unimaginable. But he thinks it's still not too late. The future he sees now is probably because of this – too late. He and Jinn started dating too late; despite being together almost their entire lives, they only began when they were already in their thirties.

 

Here we go again. Although he doesn't know why yet, Jerome thinks the future this story is leading him to isn't the one he's ever seen in his dreams.

 

Perhaps the reason he sees the future is that the future isn't good enough. Sometimes the future is there to warn us and guide us on the right path. But conversely, the future is meant to be changed as well. Jerome believes his situation falls into the latter, and he's confident that his relationship with Jinn should change as well.

 

Make it faster. Other stories are vague and unclear, but this one is the clearest of all.

 

Is it so good that time needs to be sped up? Only he himself can find the answer to that question.