Jerome felt like his mind was going blank. He couldn't figure out what would make Jinn write that he hated him. They fought, beat each other, cursed each other, and swore at each other almost every day back then, but that didn't make them hate each other at all. He never hated Jinn, and he always thought that Jinn never hated him either. But this entry shook all of Jerome's beliefs. Or was it true... that Jinn had hated him all along?

 

“No, it’s not,” Jerome immediately mumbled in denial. Jinn couldn’t possibly hate him. Otherwise, how could he not feel anything? If he hated him, they wouldn’t be getting along like this. If he hated him, he wouldn’t even want to look at him. He’d like him to fall so badly he couldn’t get up, not just tease him day after day. But the other person still did the same thing. It meant that when he wrote this entry, he must have done something to make Jinn lose his patience. But what?

 

The young man gazed at the notebook on his lap with a mixture of fear and apprehension. He had never imagined he would feel so heartbroken when the other person said they hated him. He never thought he cared for Jinn this much, more than he ever knew, a feeling beyond measure.

 

With a large, slightly trembling hand, he slowly picked up the notebook again, opened it to the page he had been reading, took a deep breath to compose himself, and turned to the next page.

 

This page contained nothing but a large drawing of a hand giving the middle finger that filled the entire page. Jerome turned to another page, but after flipping through three pages, there was still nothing but blank paper. He thought the entry might end there until he reached the fourth page and finally saw Jinn's handwriting again.

 

This time, the lettering seemed utterly lifeless, as if the writer was exhausted. The lines were broken and fragmented, but it was still possible to discern what the author had written.

 

"I feel terrible. I don't want to see your face."

 

"You're such a liar. Just because you wanted to steal him from me, you did this. Am I supposed to be happy about that?"

 

"But I'm not happy at all. I'm not happy at all. Damn it."

 

"How did you do it? You said it was impossible, and now you can do it?"

"You said men couldn't be together. You said you'd never like men. So why are you having sex with a man now?"

 

"The truth is, you don't really feel that way, do you? You probably don't think you can date a guy. You just don't like me, that's all."

 

"Actually, it could be anyone for you, right? A guy would do anything as long as I get to compete against you. You're incredibly good, unbelievably good. Who could be as good as you?"

 

This page ends with this message. Jerome's mind went numb. His fingers lightly traced the fragmented letters, as if wanting to know how the other person felt when they wrote it. But all he knew was that he, reading it, felt terrible. Terrible. So incredibly terrible.

 

But the message on the next page of the note was like a huge hammer being raised to its full extent and striking his brain, leaving him with excruciating pain. It was a single sentence written in the middle of a white page with a solid black pen.

 

"I understand now. In this world, anyone will do for you, as long as it's not me, right? Finally, I understand."

 

[ My heart when I was translating this part. 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔]

 

“No, I never thought like that,” Jerome replied in a hoarse voice, his strength seemingly drained away. The moment he read that sentence, the young man realised he had made Jinn feel so terrible. He knew nothing at all, only focused on competing with the other, wanting to snatch everything the other were interested in, without anticipating how things would turn out.

 

Because he never knew that Jinn still liked him. He didn't know, never had the slightest hint of the other's feelings. If he hadn't read this journal, he would never have known for the rest of his life.

 

The high school journal entry ended there. There was nothing more to it, as if the other person had decided they understood everything and wouldn't vent any further. Jerome had to turn five more pages to find the next entry. He thought this must have happened recently because the other person was complaining about things at university.

 

"You're such a vengeful ghost! Do you really want to be a designer like me? I'm so sick of seeing your face!"

 

"Damn it, you idiot. Go ahead and steal him. I'll keep finding people who are similar to him. You can steal someone like yourself from me, huh? Do you realise I've become a psychopath now? All the people I've dated are just replacements for him. You can have yourself, you idiot. Heh heh heh. So satisfying!"

 

"..." Jerome

 

"How did you get so tall? And you're incredibly strong. You were so cute as a kid. Luckily, I'm your enemy now, otherwise how would I bring myself to stab you?"

 

"Haha, Jinn, you think you can hook up with me? Dream on!" Jerome smirked wickedly, but his eyes softened as he read Jinn’s intentions. He sensed that Jinn wasn't harbouring any negativity anymore; at least he still had the nerve to gloat over his misfortune.

 

"Why can't I get used to it? It's been so long."

 

"Am I being too stable? I'm sorry, my lovely guys, but I don't feel my heart racing for you yet. I just feel horny, that's all."

 

Jerome was speechless, only able to move his hand to turn the next page of the notebook.

 

"What about my mom? 'Are you going to be good at everything? How did you design something like that? You got higher scores than I, you asshole! My mom's a designer, that's why I dare to compete.'"

 

"I don't want to compete with you anymore. I've run out of ideas. But if I don't compete, what else am I supposed to do? Why can't I just get rid of this?"

 

"JJ and I don't get along, so that's probably it."

 

"If I ever actually fall for the person who took him away from me, how am I supposed to feel?"

 

"My finger's broken, you idiot! What kind of driving is that? You got me yelled at, too! But it's good that nothing serious happened. How can I cut that out of my life when I was so shocked my heart almost stopped when I saw it crash on the side of the road? Such a wimp."

 

"How can I stop feeling anything for you? What's so good about you? I can't see anything."

 

The reader chuckled softly. The sweet eyes sparkled, filled with tenderness. He had never imagined he would have such an influence on the other person. But Jerome didn't feel superior or proud at all. Right now, he only felt joy, delight, and happiness. He didn't intend to use this to gain the upper hand over Jinn at all. He didn't know why his heart felt so joyful, so incredibly joyful. Perhaps he was even more affected than Jinn. At least Jinn had always been aware of his feelings, just trying to hide them. But him...

 

Not only are they unaware, but they also fail to see, completely overlooking their own actions. Should we call that stupidity or a lack of understanding?

 

It's better to be slow.

 

"Okay, folks, I think we need to distance ourselves for a while. I can't bring myself to write about you anymore since I'm living under the same roof as someone I insulted like this. Hopefully, things will get better after two months. I think I have to choose a path. Staying like this is incredibly suffocating. Either I stop liking them, or they hate me. But if that's not possible, then I guess I'll have to continue with the 'JJ and I don't get along' project. Since I can't be anything more to them, if I can't stop liking them, if I can't make them hate me, then we'll be enemies for life, until one of us lets go of our prejudices and goes our separate ways."

 

"But it's not you or me anymore, Jerome. You have to leave me. Leave me behind and move on. I'm not friends with you. Unless you're an enemy, or even my husband, nothing to do with you!"

 

"If I start writing again, it means I have something to vent about, or rather, we're still enemies, nothing has changed. Everything I wrote above is just rambling. But if I don't write, it means he hates me; we've truly parted ways; there's nothing left to vent about. I'd probably cry and burn the Death Note, ending this legend forever."

 

The journal ends here; there's no more. Probably because he's moved into the room, it's no longer convenient for him to take it out and write. But this is enough to help him make sounder decisions.

Jerome had no idea that if he couldn't see the future, if he hadn't dreamt about these things, would he still know the secrets the other person was hiding? Or if he did know, what kind of feelings would he have? Would he tease or bully as the future Jinn had described, or would he feel the way he was feeling now? He really didn't know because it was all beyond his expectations, almost unbelievable.

 

Jerome never thought of Jinn in that way, not because of anything in particular, but because he had always thought of himself and Jinn as rivals, constantly competing, always trying to win. He never saw Jinn as an ordinary man, never considered that the whole thing was strange or unusual.

 

Only Jinn was strange, but he himself was too.

 

Did he really want to steal those guys away from Jinn just to annoy him? He'd never thought that before, but now he felt it wouldn't be as easy as he'd told others. Ever since Jinn’s first date with a guy, Jerome had been lost in confusion. He understood nothing at all. He only knew he didn't want Jinn to be with anyone else, so he pretended to flirt with the guy Jinn was dating. When he saw that Jinn was reciprocating, he felt resentful. Resentful that Jinn didn't choose the right person, that he chose someone like that to date.

 

It all started from there. Jerome was always like someone competing with Jinn for a guy, always trying to win his heart. But the truth, which he seemed to have only just realised, was that he only wanted the other person to see, to show that those people weren't sincere, that there weren't any good people among them.

 

But conversely, if the person Jinn is interested in doesn't reciprocate, or if the person he's interested in chooses Jinn instead, Jerome feels disoriented, as if he's about to lose something. This makes him very unhappy, but he can't do anything about it. At the same time, when he sees Jin stop dating those people, he feels happy again. Over time, he realises that no matter who it is, the other person won't last. Jerome's emotions then calm down because he knows he hasn't lost anything yet.

 

Even though my heart has sent me signals countless times, I always choose to ignore them. Even though it's been so incredibly clear for so long, so clear it couldn't get any clearer, why am I so stupid? I'm smart in everything, good at everything, except this: the thing that's right in front of me, that has been there for over ten years.

 

Maybe Jinn isn't the only one who likes him. Perhaps I like Jinn too...

"You're gonna get a punch from me, Jay! Today, either you or I are going to die, you tattletale!"

 

Just as Jerome was lost in his own thoughts, the door to the room was quickly flung open by the owner of the room.

 

The man who had just returned glared at the tattling troublemaker, clearly ready to fight, as if to announce to the world that someone was going to get a broken head today. But the moment his blazing gaze fell on his rival, what caught Jinn's eye most wasn't Jerome's shocked expression, but what was in the other man's hand.

 

"I didn't think you'd be back so soon, but it's good. Can we talk for a bit, Jinn?"

 

If asked what Jinn fears most in this world, he would have to say "this moment." The moment when the person in his secret world discovers the secret he's been hiding—a secret he never wanted anyone to know for the rest of his life.

 

The whole world stopped turning.

 

Jinn just understood its meaning at that very moment.