Duang With You

[What are you up to, babe?]

"About to go eat."

 

[You woke up late, didn't you? Did you just wake up?]

 

"Yeah," Quinn says, still sitting on the bed in his pyjamas, yawning. He didn't actually think Duang would follow through with the promise to send updates every hour, but sure enough, when Quinn woke up, there was a selfie waiting for him, showing what Duang had been up to.

 

Sometimes, while driving, Duang even includes Jettana in the background, making a mini heart with his fingers and grinning as wide as he is. It's good that Duang gets to go out and have some fun. Even if it's just to paint for a class assignment, Quinn knows that painting is what makes Duang happy.

 

"Make sure you eat on time too, or you'll complain about a stomachache later," Quinn says.

 

[Don't worry, the car's packed with snacks.]

"Let me know when you get there. I'm going to shower now."

 

[Quinn.]

"Hmm?"

 

[Send me a selfie. I miss you.]

"I don't do selfies."

 

[Come on, just one.]

"Maybe later. Tell Jet to drive carefully and focus on painting, okay?"

 

[Okay, okay. You eat a lot too, alright?]

 

Quinn smiles at the simple words. How can a simple 'eat a lot' make him smile this wide? After hanging up, he stands in front of the bathroom mirror, running his fingers through his long hair. He picks up his red toothbrush, squeezes toothpaste onto it, and glances at the yellow toothbrush sitting in the cup next to his. He sighs softly.

 

When you're always together, this is what happens. They're only apart during classes. Even then, if the professor isn't too strict and Duang has free time, he'll sit in on Quinn's classes. Quinn does the same for him. He doesn't even know why they do it. It reminds him of that Jamie Cullum song. The one that starts with the lyrics:

I'm telling you now, don't mess around with love. I'm telling you, you won't last a round with love. I don't mess with love-it's a headache. Don't think love will last forever. But it ends with the line, 'I'm telling you, you can't hide away from love? Because no matter what, you can't escape love.

 

"Woke up late again, huh?"

 

"Yeah, stayed up watching a movie," Quinn replies, now showered, dressed, and walking down from his dorm with messy hair to grab something to eat. He's talking to Tong, one of his close friends from a different major. He studies music, double bass, to be exact.

 

"What about Duang? You two are usually inseparable."

 

"He went to Hua Hin to paint."

 

"That far? Did he go with a girl?"

 

"Don't start," Quinn says, as Tong throws an arm around his shoulder, dragging him along. Tong doesn't even know where they're going to eat, but one thing's for sure-he doesn't want to eat alone.

 

"By the way, did you reply to that senior who asked you to model for them?" Tong asks.

 

"Not yet."

 

"You're so bad at replying to messages. Do you even answer anyone?"

 

"Duang."

 

"Oh, wow," Tong says, ruffling Quinn's hair even more, only to have Quinn swat his hand away. If they hadn't been friends since high school, Quinn probably wouldn't let anyone touch him. He's so protective of his personal space.

 

"Speaking of replying, you probably haven't checked the school group chat, have you?" Tong asks.

 

"What now? I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah, I figured. But this time, you should go. It's Mr Panya's retirement party."

 

"He's retiring already?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Time flies so fast. Quinn thinks to himself, glancing at his friend sitting across the table. It's probably going to be the usual-ordering something simple. Without Duang around, he doesn't feel like driving far or doing much of anything. He's gotten too spoiled. It's a bad habit.

 

"Come on, just go. It's next Saturday."

 

"Fine, I'll go."

 

"And that guy really wants to see you. He's always asking about you. If you're free, just reply to his messages. Or if you don't want to talk, just tell him so he doesn't have to wait for you," Tong says.

 

"I never asked him to wait," Quinn replies.

 

"I don't know what kind of waiting you mean, Quinn, but it's the same as always... I already told him you're not the same as before."

 

"I am the same."

 

It's not that Quinn avoids thinking about the past because it hurts him, but because it's over. And once something is over, he doesn't dwell on it. He lives in the present and promises himself over and over to make it count. He wants to make it count.

 

"How can you be the same? If you were, you'd still be talking to him."

 

"Talking wouldn't change anything. I didn't like him that way," Quinn says.

 

"..."

"I just felt good around him. That's all," Quinn adds. Tong presses his lips together before asking, "Is that how you feel about Duang, too? Just feel good around him, but will never make it official? Like what happened with you... And Thew?"

 

"I get that you're worried," Quinn says.

"Yeah, I am," Tong admits.

 

"But Duang and Thew aren't the same."

 

Tong has never seen this look in Quinn's eyes before. Quinn has never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, but people have always been drawn to him-both men and women. Growing up in an all-boys environment, liking guys didn't seem strange. Every relationship Quinn had started as a friendship, moved into something undefined, and ended while still undefined.

 

"I never wanted to be more than friends with Thew or anyone else," Quinn says.

 

"...

"But with Duang, I want to be everything I can be."

 

It's strange to say something like this out loud when the person who should hear it isn't even here. The person who's probably cracking silly jokes to make his friends laugh. The person who's probably waiting for a picture from Quinn, the same Quinn who's been ignoring his mom's messages so much that she's started complaining.

 

"I want to give him everything, just like he's been giving me," Quinn says.

 

But does Duang even know… How important is Quinn? Out of nowhere Unconditionally...

 

"Sooner or later..."

He's falling.

Deeper and deeper.

 

"Duang and I will get there together, no matter what."

 

And Quinn keeps telling himself that he'll see this relationship through to the very end. With him. With Duang. Together.

 

"What the fuck with the long face? The ocean's right in front of you. Paint. The professor wants your work, not your tears."

 

"I'm not crying," Duang mutters.

 

"Your voice is shaky," Pae chimes in, as he and Jettana take turns teasing Duang, who keeps checking his phone every ten minutes.

 

Today, Duang is acting like an old man on a tour. Every time he finds a spot that looks like something a senior citizen would photograph, he stops to take a picture, saying he'll send it to Quinn. And honestly, Pae wants to ask if Quinn even wants to see them. Sigh. Jesus.,

 

"Have you ever waited to see a whale, only for it not to show up?" Jettana jokes, referencing a line from a life insurance commercial, poking fun at Duang, who's staring at the sky and sea while painting gloomily because Quinn hasn't replied to his messages.

 

"You sound like Som-Som, Pala's girlfriend."

 

"From Hormones: The Series."

 

"Are you going to mimic every character? Does one person really need to imitate every single character, Jet?"

 

"Doing it makes me happy, okay?" Jet says, dabbing a shade of blue onto his paper. The colour spreads like clouds in the sky. He glances at Duang, who's sitting a little ways away, painting soft, delicate strokes of the sandy beach. Maybe not the best in their class, but Duang's skill is undeniably impressive. Just like Duang says, besides loving Quinn and painting, he's not good at much else.

 

"Duang, your Line just pinged."

 

"Really?!" Duang exclaims, tossing his brush aside and scrambling for his phone.

 

Jettana, who's been secretly watching him, chuckles to himself. The girls in their group had gone off to buy snacks, leaving the guys to paint ahead.

 

"Look at him. He doesn't even know what the message says yet, and he's already grinning like crazy."

 

"The true hopeless romantic. Mr Duang never disappoints."

 

"Oh my god, I'm going to die!" Duang exclaims dramatically.

 

"What? Why?" Jettana lunges to see Duang's phone, but Duang clutches it to his chest, shaking his head and pushing Jettana away, his voice trembling.

 

"You can't see!"

 

"Why not? What did Mr Quinn send?" Pae asks, now even more curious. Seeing Duang's reaction, he's dying to know what's being hidden. Duang's ears are bright red. Could it be...

 

"No way. Did he send nudes?"

 

"Idiot! This is Mr Quinn we're talking about."

 

"No, he didn't!" Duang adds, backing Jet up because Pae's wild imagination deserves a smack. But Duang's heart is racing as he opens the chat to find two messages from Quinn.

 

The first is a short message telling him to focus, which Duang interprets as focus on painting.' The second is a selfie of Quinn himself. Even though Quinn uses the latest phone model that his Papa randomly bought for him, his tech skills are minimal. The only thing he's good at is using music apps. And maybe that's why the selfie is so ridiculously cute. 

 

"He sent me a selfie. I can't handle this," Duang says.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"Quinn is everything to me."

 

"The real hopeless romantic." Pae and Jettana shake their heads as they watch Duang cup his phone in his hands, staring at the picture over and over, muttering about how cute Quinn is.

 

"Did he do a peace sign?"

 

"No, it's just a straight-on selfie. His collar's all stretched out, too. So cute!"

 

"The ultimate unfiltered cuteness."

 

"For real. Every time I see Mr Quinn, all I can think is, 'Damn, he's so handsome, I look like a total scrub next to him.""

"No way. He's adorable," Duang argues passionately. Duang might let other things slide, but if anyone says Quinn isn't cute, he won't stand for it. Because to him, who in this world could possibly be cuter than Quinn?

 

"Is he only cute with you, or do you just love him too much, you idiot?"

 

"Damn, that was well said, Jet."

 

"Uh, that wasn't a fucking compliment."

 

"No, no, I meant the part where you said he's only cute with me."

 

"Ugh, you're so annoying. I'm going back to my drawing. Anyone who makes noise will get fined," Jettana declares.

 

Then, everyone just put their headphones on and dived back into their work. The group falls into a quiet rhythm, each focused on their watercolour paintings and the view in front of them. But then, a wide smile spreads across Duang's face as he paints the ocean.

 

"What's up?"

[How do you unsend a picture?]

 

"Too late. I already saved it."

 

See? How could anyone say he's not adorable? He's so cute it's driving me crazy.

He's getting cuter every single day.

 

[Delete it.]

"No way. It's too cute. I'm keeping it."

 

[l'll pay you. Name your price.]

"Ten kisses on each cheek, and I'll delete it." Duang smiles as his hand paints.

 

[Screw you. Just keep it, then.]

"What did you eat for lunch?"

 

[Just something simple. Ate with Tong. Ran into him outside the dorm.]

"Bet you had stir-fried fish with celery."

 

"Am I right?" Duang asks, unable to stop smiling when he hears Quinn sigh before admitting he's right. Sitting by the sea, painting, Duang wishes Quinn were here with him. He wishes they could go everywhere together.

 

"Hey, let's come to the beach together sometime."

[Sure.]

 

"Do you have work to do later, or are you just going to relax?"

[l'm going to finish the movie I started watching last night. No work today.]

 

"Alright. Don't set the AC too cold, okay? You always forget to adjust it when you get into a movie," Duang reminds him.

 

[You're so bossy. Next time, just don't leave.]

"Are you whining right now?"

 

[Whining, my ass.]

"Alright, alright, I'll stop teasing. Hey, do you want anything from Hua Hin?"

 

[No, I'm good.]

 

The sound of waves crashing against the shore fills the air. It's so loud that Duang is sure Quinn can hear it through the phone. In truth, Duang wishes Quinn could understand it too. He's like the waves.

 

[Just come back safe. That's all I need.]

 

No matter what happens...

The waves always return to the shore.

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

Quinn rarely gets sick. And even when he does, he always ends up in a VIP hospital room. That's just how it is-his Mama and Papa are always ready to spend money to ensure the family's health. But when Quinn does get sick, it's always serious.

 

Because he's never had to take care of himself or anyone else when they're sick, he's completely out of his depth when Duang fell ill from the sea breeze and scorching sun, leaving him feverish and restless. That's how Quinn finds himself pacing the room at 3:37 AM, searching for fever medicine.

Duang had come back earlier with a starfish mobile and some snacks. They'd shared a late-night meal, showered, and gone to bed. But Quinn woke up feeling like the room was unbearably hot, wondering if the AC had malfunctioned. When he opened his eyes in the embrace of a certain someone, he saw Duang mumbling in his sleep, clearly uncomfortable from the fever. That was when it all clicked

 

"Babe... where are you going?"

 

"Don't get up. Just lie down."

 

Quinn sits down and searches the internet for how to deal with this because he doesn't know what else to do. It's not like he can call anyone at this hour. After skimming through some articles, he narrows it down to a few options.

 

"Let's go to the hospital. I'll help you," Quinn says.

 

"It's just a little fever."

 

"It's not just a little.' Put on a proper shirt," Quinn insists.

 

"Babe..."

 

"Duang, don't be stubborn," Quinn says, his tone more serious than Duang has ever heard. Even in the dim light of the bedside lamp, Duang can see the worry etched on Quinn's face. He takes Quinn's hand, smiles softly, and says, "I'm okay. I'll be fine after some medicine. I'm not being stubborn. I just stayed in the sunlight for too long."

 

Duang speaks to Quinn like he's calming a child, and he means it. He's not forcing himself or trying to spare Quinn the trouble of a hospital trip. It's just a regular fever-something he's had plenty of times before. Taking a couple of pills and wiping himself dry, he'll be fine by morning. He's strong enough for this.

 

"You were really scared, weren't you? I'm sorry. Come here. You've already brought the medicine and water, right? I'll take it now, okay?"

 

"Alright," Quinn says.

 

They face each other as Duang takes the medicine Quinn hands him, washing it down with water. Up close, Duang notices Quinn looks like he's about to cry... Damn, he's so endearing.

"Were you afraid I was going to die?" Duang teases.

 

"Shouldn't I be scared if you die in my bed?"

 

"You're so stubborn."

 

"I'm not," Quinn replies.

 

Duang almost drops the glass of water when Quinn leans in to plant a light kiss on his lips to prove that he isn't really stubborn. Duang scolds him, flustered, while Quinn sits there looking sheepish, as if he doesn't know what he did wrong.

 

"Quinn, you'll catch my fever," Duang warns.

 

"So what? You said it's just a little fever," Quinn counters.

 

"You're the stubborn one here."

 

"I'm going to wipe your body. Wait here," Quinn says.

 

"Do you even know how to do that?"

 

"I read about it online," Quinn replies.

 

"Good boy," Duang says, lying back down as the fever makes him feel dizzy. He hears Quinn rummaging around, and soon Quinn returns with a damp cloth. The coolness makes Duang squirm, and Quinn feels awful every time Duang flinches.

 

"Is this okay? You're shaking," Quinn asks.

 

"It's fine. Just keep going. The temperature difference is why I'm shivering. The heat needs to escape," Duang explains.

 

But Quinn doesn't want to hear any facts. He hates seeing Duang like this. He doesn't want Duang to suffer like this ever again.

 

"Feeling better?" Quinn asks.

 

"Much better," Duang replies.

 

"Duang..."

"Hmm?"

 

"Can you just not get sick anymore?"

 

That simple sentence, paired with Quinn's expression, makes Duang's heart melt. He reaches out to hold Quinn's hand, thanking him softly for taking care of him. He praises Quinn, knowing full well that Quinn isn't used to doing this for anyone. He keeps repeating his thanks until Quinn feels better, rewarding him with a long, gentle kiss on the forehead.

 

"Get well soon," Quinn says.

 

If it were possible, Duang would recover right this second. Really.

 

"Go to sleep. I'll put a basin of water by the bed. If your fever spikes again, I'll use it to cool you down. Tomorrow morning, I'll buy fever patches. But if it gets worse, we're going to the hospital. No arguments."

 

"You're so cute, you know that? Even though you're such a baby," Duang teases.

 

"I'm the same size as you. Now sleep," Quinn retorts.

 

"Don't cuddle me, or you'll catch my cold," Duang warns.

 

"You're the one who better not cuddle me," Quinn shoots back.

 

The sick boy chuckles softly, closing his eyes as the medicine kicks in, leaving him feeling weak and drowsy. Tomorrow, he'll get better. And then he'll kiss Quinn for a long time as a reward for taking such good care of him. The best caretaker in the world.

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

Rice soup with minced pork is poured into a bowl, its aroma filling the room. But it doesn't stir Duang's appetite at all. Even though his fever has subsided, his body still heats up occasionally as the next dose of medicine approaches. Quinn sticks lose to him, ready to rush him to the hospital if necessary. So stubborn.

 

"Come eat," Quinn says.

 

"I'm not hungry," Duang replies.

"Duang."

 

"You're so bossy. I'm sick, you know."

 

"Eat so you can take your medicine," Quinn insists.

 

"Aren't you going to feed me? Like in the dramas?"

 

"Dream on."

 

"You're no fun."

 

"You're an adult. Feed yourself," Quinn says. But Duang, sensitive and teary-eyed from being sick, looks like a sulking child. Quinn sighs, giving in and bringing the bowl over to feed him. Is this like a drama? Who knows. But seeing Duang like this, Quinn can't bring himself to be mean.

 

"Open your mouth," Quinn says.

 

"I don't want to eat."

 

"I'm feeding you. Just eat a little."

 

"I feel like crying."

 

"Please, just eat, babe."

 

"Qilinnn," Duang drags out his name, but finally opens his mouth, letting Quinn feed him.

 

Damn it, Quinn's soft tone is too much. Maybe I should stay sick forever. I don't want to get better anymore. It's rare for him to say that word.

 

"Another bite. Come on, chew quickly."

 

"It doesn't taste good."

 

"It's from your favourite place."

 

"Try it yourself. It's not good."

 

"Don't trick me. Eat another bite."

" "

 

"Duang, don't be stubborn. Please," Quinn pleads. He never thought he'd have this much patience. Is Duang sick, or did he take some kind of age-reversing medicine? He keeps being stubborn. If Quinn could pry Duang's mouth open, he would. He wants to scold him… But seeing Duang's puppy-dog eyes, he just can't.

 

"One bite gets you one kiss on the cheek," Quinn offers, deciding to play nice and even sacrifice a little.

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Then make it a small bite, but I'll finish the whole bowl."

 

"Damn it," Quinn mutters, scooping up the rice soup and feeding it to Duang, who happily opens his mouth. Quinn feels like he might lose his mind.

 

"Where's my kiss?" Duang asks.

 

"After you finish the bowl," Quinn replies.

 

"No way. You'll cheat."

 

'So damn tired of people seeing right through me!' Quinn sighs, frustrated. Feeding Duang and kissing him? He's losing on all fronts. Next time, he's dragging Duang to the hospital, no questions asked. 

 

"That was so good~" Duang speaks with a smile that looks like he's already feeling better as Quinn presses his nose lightly against Duang's cheek, his face still grumpy. Duang's satisfaction grows even more when Quinn keeps his word, giving him a kiss every time he takes a bite of the rice soup. And, believe it or not, Duang actually finishes the whole bowl.

 

"I've kissed you so much I don't even know where to kiss you anymore, Duang. That's enough."

 

"No way, there's still one last kiss left"

 

"I'm going to kill you."

 

"Haha!" Duang laughs loudly as Quinn lightly smacks his arm.

 

Quinn gets up, taking the empty bowl with him. Duang quietly takes his medicine, watching Quinn wash the dishes and tidy up the trash. When Quinn notices Duang staring, he snaps, "What are you looking at?"

 

"A cutie."

 

"You're so annoying."

 

"You know, Jet told me that the reason I always argue with people about how cute you are is that you're only cute to me."

 

Quinn doesn't respond. Instead, he turns his back on Duang and starts washing a glass that doesn't even need cleaning. Maybe he's trying to hide the nervousness creeping up on him...

 

Only cute to you, huh?

Yeah.

That's probably true.

 

"And he said there's another reason," Duang continues. That's why Quinn thinks of Duang as an exception to so many of his rules. And that's why he's willing to be anything he can for Duang.

 

"It's because I love you so much that I think you're the cutest person in the world."

 

Thinking about that reason...Quinn honestly can't argue with it.

 

"But I think it's a mix of both," Duang adds: Or maybe love doesn't really need a reason at all. As long as one knows who and what one's doing it all for, that's enough.

 

"You've taken your medicine, right?" Quinn asks.

 

"Yes, I have."

 

"Good."

"Are you tired of taking care of me?"

 

"Were you tired when you took care of me?" Quinn counters:

 

Duang shakes his head in response. How could he be tired? Doing something for Quinn always makes him feel energised. It always has.

 

"Same here."

 

And if he can, Duang wants to take care of Qim forever:.

 

"Thank you""

 

"Yeam. Now go to sleep"

 

"Where are you going??"

 

Nowhere, I just sit here and work!"

 

"Can you work here? l want to hold your hand," Duang says, patting the spot on the bed next to him. He gestures for Quinn to bring his laptop over and work there.

 

Quinn hesitates for a moment before modding. Being close means he can keep an eye on Duang's fever. He can't help but worry. After all, there is only one Duang in the world.

 

"You know, I couldn't smell the rice soup at all, but I could smell you."

 

“And is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

 

"It's good. You smell amazing."

"..."

 

"Being close to you is so comforting, " 

 

Duang murmurs, his voice trailing off as he closes his eyes, the fever pulling him into sleep. Quinn shifts closer to the blanket-covered figure, smiling to himself as their hands remain clasped. He suddenly feels lucky to be the one taking care of Duang today.

 

At that moment, Duang mightn't hear Quinn's quiet response to his earlier words. Quinn gently brushes his fingers across Duang's flushed cheek, red from the fever, and whispers something in return, a soft promise in place of a goodnight.

 

"Same here."

Same here.

Quinn thinks it's comforting to have Duang around, too.