Duang With You

"Babe, are you okay?"

 

"Just a minute."

 

"Quinn, it's totally fine. We can just cuddle." Duang knocks on the bathroom door, wanting Quinn to come out already. He's the only one who planned this-Quinn knows exactly what he needs to do if they're going to have sex. They just went to get their blood tested together three days ago. It was just a formality... He's clean, inside and out.

 

"Babeeee."

 

"Shut up," Quinn yells from the bathroom, leaving Duang to sigh to himself. If Quinn wants to try, it has to be tonight. Tonight's the night. Damn, just thinking about it makes my hands go cold.

 

"Want me to come help?"

 

"Shut up."

 

The tall guy laughs to himself because Quinn keeps scolding him. There's nothing he can do but sit cross-legged on the sota. Oh, right, that MV where he randomly got cast as the lead has already been released. The views are blowing up because of the final kiss scene, which the director kept begging Quinn and him to let them use, so they finally nodded and agreed. Who knew they'd secretly filmed it?

 

Now it's turned into a love song for everyone: boy and girl, girl and girl, boy and boy. Love is hard enough as it is; why should anyone have to worry about what gender it's supposed to be for? In the end, they even had to film more scenes of old memories between the characters.

 

When the crew saw that Duang and Quinn had matching tattoos, it was their ankles that got filmed for the tiptoe kiss scene, the scene of them lying together, and even the video cover: The sun in the forest and the moon about to set into the sea. So damn romantic.

 

"What are you thinking about?"

 

"God, you took forever."

 

"Why don't you come try this then?"

"Don't get my hopes up. I'm already thinking about it now."

 

"You're so shameless." Quinn shakes his head. Quinn shouldn't have told him he didn't want to be the one doing it, but it's honestly exhausting. But if it wasn't Duang, Quinn wouldn't let anyone else do it either.

 

"Come watch the movie already. No need to get so ready, geez."

 

"That's just how you are. Can your hands ever stay still? Handsy."

 

"You always let me, though."

 

"Shut up already."

 

"Yessirrrr." The two of them move to the bed to watch Netflix together, just like they'd agreed on tonight, no work at all after a brutal week. They have so much work that it doesn't even feel like freshman year anymore, and just thinking about the future makes Duang want to cry.

 

"Next time, I have to draw a human again. Be my model, okay?"

 

"No way. I get numb from sitting so long."

 

"Fine, then this time just lie down. I'll draw you lying down."

 

"What do I even get out of being your model?"

 

"What do you want?"

 

"You?"

 

"Quinn!" Duang squeals, hugging himself tight. Quinn has said stuff like this so many times now… Should I really give in to him? I got his hopes up, and now look at this.

 

“Stop talking, watch the movie."

 

"Yass." The big guy smoothly pulls Quinn into a hug, and in the end, it's Quinn who ends up resting his whole body on Duang's chest. They lie there, holding each other, eyes on the movie playing on the MacBook in a chilly, dimly lit room-just like always.

Duang listens to the English conversation between the main character and his dad. He presses his nose into Quinn's fragrant hair. Both freshly showered, they slowly move closer until their bodies are pressed together.

 

"I love this scene," Quinn whispers when the movie reaches that part. The scene he's watched ten times, and loved all ten times.

 

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty."

 

Duang watches Quinn's beautiful lips move along with the character on screen, silently. He's fascinated by the way Quinn gets obsessed with things... books, music, jazz, movies, sneakers, the taste of cigarettes.

 

Before Duang knows it, they're kissing. Deeply enough that the voices of the two main characters fade to almost zero decibels. Quinn's corn-yellow t-shirt is pulled off, pale skin meeting the cold air, and the faint scent of both of them mixed as one. Maybe it's the passion wrapping them up.

 

"Lift your hips a little, babe."

 

Quinn is so obedient that Duang feels like his heart is melting. If anyone asks him when Quinn is the cutest in his eyes, he'd say he doesn't know, because there's never a 'most.' Every time he looks, Quinn just gets cuter. Even when he's being teased until he's out of breath, with his pale hands tangled in Duang's hair. Duang bites the inside of Quinn's thigh and glances up at the one leaning against the headboard, locking eyes.

 

"You like it?"

 

"Don't be a smart mouth."

 

"Well, do you like it?"

 

"My mouth. Do you like it?"

 

The answer is a sound in Quinn's throat, slipping out like water overflowing a glass. Quinn moans, looking down at the person between his legs, who is indulging him, and it makes him shiver to think that tonight they're going to do something they've never done. To reach heaven's gate.

 

"Duang."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Kiss me."

 

There's nothing Quinn ever asks for that he doesn't get, because as soon as he asks, he gets kiss after kiss from the one who's always a menace in bed. Quinn pulls off Duang's shirt, then his underwear in the next second. They're cuddling... Quinn feels like everything turns blinding white. White, like the paper Duang uses to draw on.

 

“First finger, okay, Quinn?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"If you can't take it, tell me, okay?"

 

The first colour might be too dark, dark enough that Quinn twists even though there's plenty of lube, it's still not that easy. But soon, the talented artist softens the colour with a drop of water, lightening it with gentle kisses. The second finger goes in as Quinn holds his breath.

 

"Relax a little, okay?"

 

"Duang. it.."

 

"You're so tight."

 

His cheeks burn, just as hot as Duang's shaft, which Quinn reaches out to touch. The rhythm they move together, taking each other closer to the edge, might be a love song he's never heard before. 

 

The room is filled with the sounds of wet kisses mixed with the moans as lips and tongues tease Quinn's chest and skin, and then come back for more kisses. Duang smiles in satisfaction when Quinn pushes his hips back against all three of his fingers, patient and gentle. Quinn looks so delicate and easy to tease at the same time, his pale skin pitifully turning red, eyes shining with a thin layer of tears.

 

Hot lips kiss all over the face of the one whose hands are now scratching Duang's back. He whispers to let Quinn know what's coming next. The sound of his fingers pulling out of that warm body makes Quinn cover his face with his hands.

 

"You're so cute, babe."

 

"Duang.. Don't."

 

Quinn tries to stop him as Duang kisses his ankle, after grabbing another pillow to put under his hips and lifting his legs onto his shoulders. Moves like this make Quinn go all soft-it's way past embarrassment now. Quinn is like a kid who doesn't know where to put his hands, cheeks flushed, dodging Duang's hungry gaze.

 

"Ah.."

 

"You jerk."

 

"I just want it to be harder."

 

"Damn... mmph."

 

The pale one opens his mouth to scold as Duang strokes the shaft between Quinn's legs, slowly tearing open a condom pack with his teeth, rolling it on, and rubbing the tip against that burning entrance. Quinn bites his lip from the slickness, the cold, and all the feelings building up until he can't wait any longer.

 

"Duang, don't tease me."

 

"Quinn, you're so.."

 

"Babe," Quinn interrupts, because every feeling... is now overflowing in his chest...

 

"What is it?"

 

"Just put it in already."

"..."

 

"I don't want to wait anymore."

 

It's all so hard-controlling himself, not coming too soon-because the moment Duang pushes inside Quinn, slowly, it's tight, hot, and perfect. Duang moans, gripping Quinn's hips tightly while the pale one bites his own lip. They don't move yet, just stay like that until Quinn's body adjusts. Duang kisses Quinn everywhere he can think of-forehead, nose, cheeks, lips, chin, chest, collarbones, and the

tiny beauty mark on his shoulder.

 

"I'm going to move now, okay?"

 

"Yeah, slowly... go slowly first."

 

"Okay." Duang laughs. He loves how it is, neither of them being too demanding. He starts moving slowly, gently, just how he's always wanted for Quinn. It's vanilla sex that makes Quinn moan right against his lips. Duang kisses him, tongues intertwining until clear drool slips from the corner of Quinn's mouth. They keep kissing, moving together until the pace gets faster.

 

"Duang, Hgn... Babe... it.."

 

"Does it feel good?"

 

Quinn doesn't answer, hiding his face in Duang's warm neck. The more Duang pushes in, the more Quinn has to spread his legs. Duang kisses his ear, whispering love, praise, and comfort like always. He thrusts into Quinn, almost forgetting himself for a moment, but Quinn just lets him, giving in completely.

 

"Babe, that's too much-hmmph?"

 

Quinn doesn't know where Duang learned to do things like that-speeding up until the lewd sounds echo all over the room, pulling out so suddenly that Quinn feels empty in his stomach, then pushing all the way back in again.

 

Quinn moans. Before he knows it, he's being lifted to straddle Duang's lap... Duang looks at Quinn, who's gone all weak and limp, with eyes that make Quinn's heart race.

 

“You're already amazing, babe."

 

Duang holds Quinn's hips as he starts to take control of himself. He already knew the scene before him must be very good, but who would've thought it'd be this good? Quinn moving up and down on him, the look on his face, the way he bites his lip, calling Duang's name, talking sweet like a cat that needs its owner's warm hand to scratch its chin and pet its head.

A warm palm cups the cute one's cheek without thinking. Quinn rides Duang, moving steadily, and it almost makes the one just lying there come right then and there, because that slim waist doesn't show any mercy for a second.

 

"I can't take it, Quinn."

 

"S-Same... ugh, you..."

 

The position shifts again as Duang locks Quinn's waist, sitting up against the headboard after watching the good view for a while. It makes Quinn grimace because it's so deep and tight... His pretty lips, bright red from biting them to hold back his moans, part wide when Duang thrusts up into him.

 

Quinn whines when his arms are pinned so he can't touch himself. Duang thrusts into him over and over, the sound of skin slapping filling the room, and in the final moment when his mind goes blank, Quinn realises he's finished without even touching himself. It's warm...Inside him.

 

"I love you."

 

"Hah..." Quinn pants, feeling the warm liquid fill him, even though Duang is wearing a condom. Duang moves a couple more times, then looks at the milky white mess on his own stomach, which came from Quinn. It was good sex.

 

"What are you looking at, my good boy?"

 

"Love you, too."

".."

 

"I love you, too, Duang."

 

Good because it comes from love...

From commitment, desire, and preparation.

All of that fused into one phrase...

The only phrase in his heart.

 

"Thank you."

It's the one phrase they say together before hugging each other tightly.

Thank you.

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

Duang yawns so wide his eyes water. Human and animal anatomy class gives him a pounding headache, but the good thing about this class is that everyone knows the professor is super chill-you can bring anyone to class.

 

Like now, Quinn is sleeping soundly next to him, their hands clasped together under a jacket. Though their hands are sweating, none of them is letting go. Duang doesn't know what to call this, but it's made them stick together ever since that night.

 

"Hey, Duang, Mr Quinn's getting groggy."

 

"Damn."

 

Jettana nudges Duang to look at Quinn, who looks super uncomfortable. And honestly, he's confused why Quinn doesn't just sleep in his own room, but whatever. Lately, they've been glued together like gum in hair. For real.

 

"Mr Hopeless Romantic in flesh and blood," Pae whispers, nudging his friend to look at Duang, who's petting and comforting his own not-yet-boyfriend. But in less than fifteen minutes, class will be over. Hang in there, Mr Quinn.

 

"Duang is apparently the last man standing in this battle for Mr Quinn."

 

"Jet."

 

"What, Pae?"

 

"Do you see the aura of love?"

 

"Always. Duang's is blinding-so bright it hurts my eyes."

 

"No, I think something happened between those two."

 

"You're not saying!" Jettana's eyes go wide in panic.

 

"Mr Jettana?"

 

Now, I'm the one who has to really stand up, for fuck's sake.

 

"Stand up and answer the question. If you get it right, I'll let you all out early."

 

"Jettitt!"

 

"Jettana, don't screw up!"

 

"Jettanaaaaa!"

 

Duang, who just finished comforting Quinn and only now realises his friend was called on, laughs quietly. The class clown's nervous façe, pressured by everyone in the section, makes him unable to stop laughing. Look, who is the last man standing now?

 

"Duang."

 

"You're awake? I worked so hard to get you to sleep."

 

"Hungry."

 

"Aw, Quinn." Seriously, why does he have to be so cute? Duang wants to pull him in for a cheek kiss, but they're still in class. He hands Quinn a bottle of water. They let go of each other's hands because Duang's about to pack up, totally confident that Jettana will get the answer right.

 

"What's the motto of Phrae province?"

 

"Wait, ma'am!"

 

"Come on, ma'am, who would know that? We're all from Nakhon Pathom!"

 

"Well, Jettana?"

 

Quinn, just waking up, figures out what's going on. But Jettana isn't like anyone else. Otherwise, Quinn wouldn't let Jettana hug him.

 

"Mo hom fabric and teak wood. Place of Phra Lo's love. Home of Phra That Cho Hae. Famed Phae Mueang Phi. The generous people of Phrae!"

 

"Damn! That's my friend!"

 

"Dude, he's not making it up. I just googled it."

 

"Jettanaaaaa!"

"Damn," Duang curses and laughs. This guy can always surprise people. And Jettana even memorised the province motto, even though he's from Bangkok. Duang can't stop laughing.

 

"Never doubt Jetttana, the walking encyclopedia."

"Gotta give it to you, dude." Pae shakes his head, laughing, as the professor looks annoyed but has to let the whole class out ten minutes early because his friend got the answer right. But if it was about today's lesson, no way he'd know-he spent the whole class playing Mario Kart. Jesus.

 

"Excuse me, how long are you two going to flirt?!"

 

"Quiet, Quinn just woke up." Duang raises his hand to smack Jettana, who's teasing him and Quinn. They're not even holding hands or anything-almost never, because they are at the university. Outside, maybe, but just walking close together gets them teased anyway.

 

"Why is he so sleepy?"

 

"Pulled an all-nighter working."

 

"And you had morning class?"

 

"Pretty much. But the professor let us out early; he had some business and just came to take attendance. If rd known, I'd have skipped. Didn't want to go back to the dorm, so Duang told me to sleep in class, and he'll take me out for garlic shrimp for lunch."

 

"You always use food to bribe him."

 

The one being teased just shrugs. Food can always buy Quinn. His love for food is pure! The four of them split up at the faculty exit-Jettana has to go to the bank, Pae is going to eat with his girlfriend from another university, and Duang and Quinn are off to get garlic shrimp way out, almost to Bangkok. But a promise is a promise. Both are free this afternoon, so they can do whatever they want.

 

"I'll drive."

 

"Are you still sleepy? If you are, I can drive. I went to bed way before you last night."

 

"It's fine. I'll drive."

 

"So stubborn."

 

"It's just driving," Quinn says, then fishes the car keys out of Duang's pocket. He's never done stuff like this before, but ever since that night, they've been more touchy-feely than ever, even in public. I feel so lucky. I want to cry. 

 

"Forgot to tell you, tomorrow I'm going to IT's BARR."

 

"Whose birthday, or are you going there just to have a drink?"

 

The one turning the steering wheel out of the university shakes his head and says, 

 

"A senior asked me to play bass for them."

 

"I won't let you."

 

"You're being unreasonable. He asked me to."

 

"I'm jealous. Bassists are cool."

 

"Come on."

 

"Quinnnnnn." Duang hugs him, burying his face in Quinn's shoulder while they're stopped at a red light. The skinny one sighs and rubs Duang's head back. He wants to scold him for being jealous, but he gets it. He's jealous about all sorts of silly things, too, but when a senior asks, Quinn can't say no. Quinn is only a freshman.

 

"This is the last time, Duang. We'll be sophomores soon."

 

"Then I'll go watch you."

 

"Bring your friends. They'll open bottles for free. I'll send some to your table."

 

"Don't take drinks from anyone else. I don't want you to get drunk. When you're drunk, you can't even stand properly."

 

"Don't be ridiculous. I was made to drink so much back then. Nobody can stand after that. And when you're drunk, it's no different."

 

"I don't care. I don't care. I don't care."

 

"Are you raising your voice?"

 

"Shit, I'm sorry. I'm scared." Duang puts his hands together in a wai, genuinely afraid. Call him whipped, he won't argue-because he's even more scared of Quinn than of his mother.

 

"Don't overthink it. I'm just helping my senior out."

 

"Okay, as long as I get to watch you, I'm good."

 

"Yeah. Thanks for understanding."

 

"Quinn, don't be so sweet. I can't take it anymore."

 

The one driving doesn't answer, letting their playlist play in the car. When he glances over, Duang's already asleep. Last night, while Quinn was working, Duang said he'd stay up with him, and he really did, until almost 2 AM, so Quinn had to send him to bed, or neither of them would've made it to class. He loves this kind of consistency in Duang so much. Duang doesn't have to do more than this. Just keeping it the same as the first day he received it is enough.

 

‘Felt like I had just woken up from someone else's dream 

Like got back a piece of life that had gone missing 

Only now do I realise how meaningless

All the dreams I used to chase really were.'

 

It's Been So Long by Stamp... That's the name of the song playing, and Quinn finds himself softly singing along. The song might be old, but its meaning always warms his heart whenever he listens to it. The reason he adds it to their playlist is that he wants Duang to hear it, too.

 

‘The things I never knew before, you made me realise

With just a simple embrace.

What I've been searching for all my life

Is you.'

 

Quinn smiles to himself as he thinks back to last year's Loy Krathong festival, to that bread krathong he was persuaded to buy, even though he hadn't planned to float one. He was just passing by with friends, looking for something cold to drink at the university event. Last year's Loy Krathong, he was still in the welcoming period, wearing a name tag around his neck.

 

"Hey, hey, Friend likes you."

 

He remembers Duang's funny expression that day. But when he looked deeper into the other person's eyes, he saw endless possibilities that made him unconsciously hold his breath. And today, those possibilities have become a reality.

 

When you turned to look at me and smiled

That was when I understood

That everything in this world that seemed beautiful

Was just an illusion

Except for you, standing right in front of me.'

 

"Babe!"

 

"What is it? Why are you shouting?" Quinn asks in a tone that seems to comfort, unsure if Duang has woken up, startled from a nightmare or something else. Duang is quite sensitive.

 

"I just freaked out because I fell asleep. Heh."

 

"I thought it was something serious."

 

"You were worried about me, huh~~"

 

"What are you doing this evening?"

 

"Can we... do that?"

 

"Do what?"

 

Duang bites his lip, his face and ears turning red. Could he ask for it? After that night, he and Quinn have been having sex regularly. It feels like an addiction. But over the past few days, Quinn has been busy with assignments, so Duang hasn't been as clingy.

 

"Well.. like, have sex."

 

"Sure."

"Whoa, just like that?"

 

"Why not?"

 

"Can I scream?"

 

"It's fair for both of us. You're happy, and I'm happy."

 

"Quinn, I'm about to cry."

 

"Enough already. You're so emotional. I promise myself I won't make you cry, but you cry over everything, like a kindergarten kid."

 

Duang loves it when Quinn goes on long rants. It's so endearing, making him want to kiss Quinn to shut him up. But if he does that now, he'd probably get kicked for sure.

 

“It's just so good, like a dream."

 

"No, you deserve it."

 

"What do you mean... you?"

 

"Yeah, me. I mean, I'm going to say 'a good love,' but I'm trying to be that good love for you, so it's the same."

 

Oh, I want to hug him.

Why is he like this?

 

"What's with that face?"

 

"A face of restraint. Do you even realise how cute you are?"

 

"Don't exaggerate it. We're almost at the restaurant. It's the next alley, right?"

 

"Yes. Are you going to eat a hundred shrimp?"

 

"How much money do you have?"

 

"Plenty. I just tricked some money out of P' Nan."

 

"What a great brother you are."

 

Quinn parks the car neatly, turns off the engine, and before he can get out, Duang grabs his arm and pulls him in for a light kiss. It isn't deep, but the bright smile on Duang's face makes Quinn smile back. In the end, it's still simple.

 

"Let's go eat."

 

Happiness.

Falling in love.

Love.

 

"Yeah."

 

A good partner.

 

"Eat a lot, okay, my good boy."

 

"You, too."

 

"Because tonight, we'll need a lot of energy. I think three rounds should be just right."

 

"For heaven's sake."

 

"Three rounds, three rounds."

 

"You'll run out of energy first. Don't be ridiculous. One round is enough."

 

They walk, bickering all the way. Keeping everything simple, saying what they feel, understanding each other, finding a middle ground, not forcing anything, not rushing, going all the way but never falling off the way, holding onto each other.

Preparing everything perfectly...

 

"Babe."

 

For when they reach that day.

When they reach that point,

 

"What?"

 

"Thank you for being so sweet to me every day."

 

They'll know in their hearts how lasting it'll be.

How strong it is.

 

"Yeah, thank you, too."

They know best.