メロウレイン / Futtara Doshaburi Mellow Rain

Sweet Fragrance

 

This year’s gathering of employees who had joined the company at the same time had been scheduled for a Saturday after everyone compared their availability. 

Apparently, most people felt it would be easier to meet on a free weekend than after work.

“…What time is it now?”

“Four.”

“In the morning, right?”

“Stop trying to escape reality.”

“Ahh, what a pain…”

Hagiwara had come to stay over on Friday night. The original plan had been for him to go home, change his clothes, and then attend the gathering on Saturday. Instead, they’d spent their time tangled together in bed, fooling around and lazing about until it had somehow become this late.

There was still time if he hurried, but Hagiwara didn’t seem particularly inclined to do so.

“Shall we just go straight from here?”

“Yeah.”

He kept spare underwear and a shirt at Sei’s flat, so there wasn’t really a problem.

“Someone might notice you’re wearing the same suit as yesterday.”

Not to mention that he’d be dressed for the office on a Saturday.

“Eh, the only person who’d say anything about that is Adachi. And I didn’t see him yesterday, so I’m safe. Actually, why does that guy pay so much attention to what everyone’s wearing?”

“Maybe because he’s attentive towards women? He seems to have made a habit of noticing whenever a girl changes her hairstyle or gets her nails done, and commenting on it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be remotely pleased if Adachi started pointing things out about me…”

While preparing to take a shower, Sei remembered something in the changing area. He took a white bottle from the cupboard beneath the washbasin and brought it into the bathroom.

He washed himself quickly without using it, then called out to Hagiwara.

“Hagiwara, use the new body wash.”

“Why?”

“Someone gave it to me. I smelled it, decided I didn’t particularly like the fragrance, and left it sitting there unused.”

“Wait, are you telling me to use it up for you?”

“Only if you don’t dislike it.”

It had been a gift celebrating a happy occasion, so Sei felt reluctant to throw it away so simply. Besides, he wasn’t entirely sure how he was supposed to dispose of a bottle of body wash that was still full.

“Well, I don’t really have any particular preferences, so I don’t mind.”

Neither did Sei, really. It was just that he normally used unscented products, so having a fragrance cling to his body made him uncomfortable, almost as though he were wearing an unnecessary extra layer of clothing.

“Oh, but…”

Hagiwara turned around just before entering the bathroom.

“Hm?”

“You’re not going to tell me I smell horrible and that I shouldn’t come near you, are you?”

“Of course I’m not.”

The unusually serious expression on Hagiwara’s face made Sei laugh, and he gave him a light smack on the shoulder.

“It’s not that strong a fragrance, anyway. And seriously, don’t force yourself to use it.”

Several dozen minutes later, Hagiwara emerged from the bathroom.

“I actually quite like it.”

“Yeah, now that I’m smelling it on someone else, I don’t mind it either.”

Sei leaned closer, bringing his nose towards Hagiwara’s body, which was still faintly steaming from the shower, with nothing but a bath towel wrapped around his waist.

Perhaps the fragrance had blended with Hagiwara’s own natural scent, creating a more pleasant balance. Whatever it was, the quality Sei had initially found unpleasant was no longer there.

“It certainly has a distinctive fragrance,” Hagiwara said. “It’s not sickly sweet, exactly. It’s more of a ripe, mature sweetness, with a slightly sharp accent to it.”

“It’s complicated. Smells expensive, doesn’t it?”

Unlike the fragrances commonly found in shops, which tended to have a flat, thin, artificial quality whether they were supposed to smell of flowers or fruit, this one possessed a remarkably layered, rich aroma.

“By the way, did you know it’s the same brand as the stiffener?”

“Eh? The one you gave me?”

“Yeah.”

Now that Sei thought about it, the logo engraved on the stiffener might well have been the same as the one printed on the body wash label.

“I didn’t know they made body wash.”

“The label actually says shower gel. Apparently, it’s a fragrance brand that started as a barbershop, so I suppose they also make other grooming products. Anyway, who gave it to you?”

“Someone from General Affairs who got married last month. It was a wedding favour.”

Sei told him the name of the female employee who was also organising today’s gathering.

“Oh, her,” Hagiwara said, nodding.

“Do you know her?”

“She was in Sales before she moved to General Affairs. For about three years.”

“I see.”

“Although she didn’t transfer under particularly good circumstances, I think she still feels awkward about it, even though she doesn’t need to. Does she seem to be enjoying herself in General Affairs?”

“I think she’s doing all right.”

Sei rarely spoke to people at work beyond exchanging greetings or discussing matters directly related to their jobs, so he had no way of knowing such subtle details.

“What do you mean, not particularly good circumstances?”

Hagiwara absently fiddled with the still-damp ends of his hair.

“Sexual harassment,” he muttered.

“From a client… And apparently, even people on our side reacted as though she was making a fuss. Like, Don’t cause trouble over something like that. You should be able to handle it.

“It got pretty ugly, and in the end, it was almost as though they transferred her just to get rid of the problem. I should’ve stepped in and supported her more, but I was even more junior than I am now. I couldn’t do anything to help.

“She probably doesn’t hold it against me or anything, but I still feel useless about it. As I let her down, I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

“You’re kind, Hagiwara.”

“Anyone can say all sorts of impressive things after the fact.”

In the end, they might have been only words. Yet Hagiwara’s words weren’t empty.

If nothing about reality changed, perhaps it didn’t matter whether those words came from the heart or not.

But Sei thought otherwise. Hagiwara is kind. And that was something very important.

“At the very least, she doesn’t give off the impression that she hates men or is afraid of them at our office. She’s married now, too, so perhaps she’s managed to put some of it behind her.”

Sei knew it was an optimistic assumption to make about someone else’s experiences, but he said it anyway.

“I hope so.”

Hagiwara drew Sei’s head towards him.

The fragrance of the shower gel grew stronger as he approached.

Actually, maybe I don’t dislike this scent after all. Sei was almost amused by how easily his opinion had changed.

Later that evening, they headed towards the gathering together.

Flat clouds lay layered across a sky the colour of violets diluted with water, their tangled, threadlike edges radiating a soft pink glow.

The cherry trees along the road to the station were covered in fresh green leaves, as though they had never been in full bloom just a month earlier.

Perhaps they had already forgotten that they possessed the ability to blossom so magnificently.

That memory would sleep until the following spring.

Once they boarded the train, Hagiwara slipped his wrist through an overhead strap and became absorbed in a sports magazine advertisement hanging above the seats.

Taking advantage of his distraction, Sei quietly studied the back of his neck.

The nape visible above the collar of Hagiwara’s shirt and suit was one of Sei’s favourite parts of his body.

That narrow stretch of skin, from the hairline at the back of his neck to the curve of his head.

There was always something wonderfully clean about it, and at the same time, it looked extraordinarily tempting in a distinctly sexual way.

The skin continued down beneath his clothing, disappearing across his back.

Because Sei was usually the one being held, it was frustrating that he couldn’t look at Hagiwara’s nape while they were having sex.

He found it even more enjoyable to steal glances at Hagiwara’s neck when he was dressed and out in public like this than when he was asleep.

Devouring him with my eyes.

Sei knew perfectly well that was probably the most accurate description of his expression at that moment.

Ah. Maybe he’s noticed.

Hagiwara suddenly turned his head back 

towards him.

“Hm?”

He looked at Sei with a slightly puzzled expression. Sei innocently echoed him.

“Hm?”

“Were you doing something just now?”

“Hmm…”

Sei leaned closer to Hagiwara’s ear. The lingering fragrance of the shower gel tickled his senses, pleasantly stimulating him.

“…Sexual harassment.”

He whispered the words.

Hagiwara immediately whispered back, 

“I’ll sue you.”

The previous year’s gathering had been held in a restaurant on a semi-basement level. This year, however, they’d chosen a venue on the twenty-seventh floor of a high-rise building.

The dining area, furnished with rows of square tables, occupied the same floor as a bar lounge where the lighting had been considerably dimmed.

Amid congratulations on her recent marriage, the woman organising the gathering bashfully led everyone in a toast.

The evening’s celebrations began in the dining area.

As they worked their way through the courses, Sei chatted with Hagiwara and Adachi about things such as their prospects for the upcoming summer bonuses.

Meanwhile, the women seated at their table were becoming increasingly animated as they talked about their boyfriends.

“…He seriously can’t get it up.”

“Isn’t that bad?”

“How long have you two been together again?”

“Ha ha ha! A year.”

“And you still haven’t managed to go all the way, even once?”

“Nope.”

“Wait, but you do everything leading up to it, right? All the preparation? So when you get to the point where you’re about to do it and he can’t, what does he say?”

“Something like, ‘Shall we just go to sleep?’”

“How sweeeet!”

“But isn’t it disappointing when you’re all ready for it yourself?”

“Well, they say you’re not supposed to put too much pressure on someone about that.”

“Well, yes, I suppose.”

“Hang on a minute,” Adachi interrupted.

“Can’t you save that sort of conversation for a girls’ night out?”

“Urgh, why are you listening, Adachi? That’s creepy.”

“At this distance, I can’t bloody help hearing you! You’re making things awkward!”

“Men talk about dirty stuff all the time!”

“Oh, but I’d feel bad if Nakarai heard us talking like this.”

“I know what you mean.”

“It’d be embarrassing.”

“Oi, don’t discriminate! Why only Nakarai? Although… yeah, I can see why.”

“Right? He doesn’t seem remotely interested in this sort of thing. He doesn’t even seem like someone who has a sex drive.”

“Me?” Sei asked.

He could have ignored the comment. Or he could have brushed it aside with an utterly insincere, “That’s not true.”

Perhaps the alcohol had loosened his inhibitions just a little. Whatever the reason, he suddenly felt like challenging the assessment, which had probably been intended as a compliment.

He smiled.

“I’m actually pretty wild, you know.”

For a moment, the entire table fell silent.

Oh. Did that fall flat? Have I put them off? Did I completely misread the atmosphere?

Just as regret began to creep in, the silence abruptly shattered.

“Oh my Gooood!”

A chorus of shrill voices erupted around him, somewhere between screams of horror and squeals of delight.

“I want to see!”

“I want to see how wild you are!”

“I’d pay good money to see that!”

What? Is it really that exciting?

He was the one who’d provoked them, but even Sei found himself overwhelmed by their enthusiasm.

Drawing back slightly, he averted his eyes, only to meet the gaze of Hagiwara, seated beside him.

Hagiwara was wearing a somewhat troubled, wry smile.

At that moment, the organiser appeared.

“Sounds lively over here.”

“Good work tonight. Sorry we’re being so noisy,” Hagiwara said.

He apologised despite having done absolutely nothing wrong.

“Not at all. We’ve booked the whole place, so it’s fine.”

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry for making a newlywed organise everything. You must’ve had loads going on.”

“It’s all right. Thanks, though.”

“You’ve cut quite a lot off your hair, haven’t you?”

Hagiwara lightly gestured towards her bob, which now ended above her shoulders.

“Yeah. I prefer it this length. I only grew it out for the wedding. My husband says it makes me look like a primary school pupil, though.”

“Not at all. It suits you.”

Hagiwara’s hardly in a position to criticise Adachi, Sei thought.

It was remarkable that Hagiwara could remember the hairstyle of someone he didn’t even see regularly.

Sei, on the other hand, worked in the same department as her and had barely noticed.

“Still in the mood for beer?”

She gestured towards the lounge with her eyes.

“Would you like to have a drink over there? Their cocktails are really good.”

“Really? Shall we go, Nakarai?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Adachi had somehow managed to blend right in with the women and was thoroughly enjoying their increasingly risqué conversation, so Sei and Hagiwara left the table together.

When they settled onto stools at the bar, the organiser brought over gimlets, which she recommended.

The slender stems of the cocktail glasses suited her pale fingers beautifully. The diamond in her simple engagement ring, worn alongside her wedding band, caught the light.

“You surprised me a little earlier,” she told Sei. “I never thought you’d react to a conversation like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Do you remember Director Yanagimoto, from around the time I transferred into General Affairs? He was always touching people, wasn’t he?”

“Eh?”

Hagiwara frowned. He was probably thinking, She finally managed to transfer departments, and then it happened again?

But the woman merely smiled, her glossy hair moving slightly as she shook her head.

“It wasn’t quite sexual harassment… Although perhaps it was? You know how some people have absolutely no sense of personal space? With the female employees, he’d only put a hand lightly on their shoulders when he said things like ‘I’m counting on you’ or ‘Thank you’. Actually, he touched the men far more often. He’d put his whole arm around their shoulders or their waists. But I never really got the impression there was anything sexual behind it.”

“Even so, you wouldn’t like that, would you?” Hagiwara said.

“Well, there was this one time when Director Yanagimoto tried doing the same thing to Nakarai. He went, ‘Oh, Nakarai! How are you?’ and tried to put his arm around his waist…”

She paused, clearly enjoying the memory.

“And Nakarai just smoothly stepped out of the way.”

She even demonstrated the movement, twisting neatly aside on her bar stool.

“Seriously? Nakarai?” Hagiwara asked.

“Eh? I don’t remember that.”

Sei genuinely had no recollection of the incident, but she described it so vividly that it might have happened only yesterday.

“It was so natural! How can I describe it? Like watching a martial arts master. You were checking some paperwork and dodged him without even looking up. It was so funny that I ran into the ladies’ toilets and laughed until I cried!”

“That sounds exactly like something you’d do, Nakarai,” Hagiwara said.

“Did that really happen…? Perhaps it was the recklessness of youth.”

“You’d still do it now. Anyway, what happened to that director?”

“He touched people much less often after that, so perhaps it gave him something to think about.”

Sei himself couldn’t remember being treated coldly by the man, nor being touched excessively.

Perhaps the director had tried to establish some friendly physical contact with an unsociable young employee, only to have his attempt thwarted before it even began.

But the man had since been seconded to an affiliated company, so there was no way of knowing what he’d really thought.

Just as Sei finished his gimlet, his mobile rang.

It was a junior colleague from General Affairs. Since there was a possibility of an emergency, Sei excused himself with a quick apology and stepped outside the restaurant to answer.

“I’m sorry to bother you on a Saturday.”

“No, it’s fine. What’s happened?”

From what his colleague told him, it seemed that a hotel hadn’t been arranged for an employee currently away on a business trip.

The system had properly accepted the application, and the reservation should have been completed.

For the time being, Sei instructed his colleague to secure alternative accommodation nearby urgently. They could investigate the cause and deal with the necessary follow-up on Monday.

After ending the call, he happened to glance towards the glass wall. Beyond it stretched Tokyo’s nightscape, glittering as though someone had dragged the Milky Way down from the heavens.

Inside the restaurant, they’d been seated near the entrance, so he hadn’t really thought about the height. But it had been a long time since he’d looked down from somewhere so high, and he was surprised all over again by just how far away the ground seemed.

Until barely a year ago, I was living somewhere like this.

He hadn’t even felt the danger of being so separated from the ground. The reality of those everyday experiences had gradually faded without him noticing. And when he became conscious of that, he couldn’t help feeling lonely.

I hope Kazuaki isn’t somewhere high up right now.

He hoped Kazuaki was somewhere a little closer to the streets, the trees and the people.

Even if being closer meant experiencing a suffocating anguish far worse than the pain of being alone somewhere high above the ground.

Sei gave his head a small shake. Stop it. Don’t think about things like that now. If he returned looking miserable, Hagiwara would worry.

But when Sei stepped back into the lounge, he was confronted with a sight that instantly swept away every trace of his melancholy.

A man and a woman sat side by side on bar stools. There had been three of them before Sei left. Now there were two. They were supposed to be nothing more than colleagues who’d joined the company in the same year. But the woman’s head tilted gently towards the man, and their shoulders, already close together, brushed against each other.

It was the sort of distance at which someone might whisper a secret. Or kiss another person’s cheek. Hagiwara didn’t appear to have noticed Sei.

It was almost like looking at a painting. Sei himself was merely part of the background, while those two occupied the centre of the composition. Perhaps that was why the scene caught his attention so forcefully.

What the hell was that? He remained rooted to the spot. Then loud applause and cheering erupted from the dining area. His feet carried him towards the sound almost involuntarily, like an insect drawn towards a light.

Adachi was looking decidedly flushed with drink.

“Did something happen?” Sei asked.

Apparently, two of their fellow recruits, who had been dating, had just announced their engagement. 

It should have been a happy occasion. Yet Sei couldn’t stop himself from thinking, Did it have to happen right now?

He felt irrationally irritated, as though something had deliberately rubbed against his already frayed nerves.

There was no chance of him joining in the celebratory atmosphere. In the end, he went outside again.

“Nakarai.”

Hagiwara followed him.

“…You saw what happened just now, didn’t you?”

Sei answered curtly.

He knew perfectly well that you should never, under any circumstances, say something like Didn’t you give him the wrong idea? to someone who had experienced sexual harassment. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from thinking, That’s what happens when you go around complimenting someone’s hairstyle every time you see them.

“What the hell is wrong with her? She’s married.”

“Ah…”

Hagiwara sounded strangely hesitant.

“Apparently, it’s not like that.”

“What does that mean?”

“She said she doesn’t like me romantically, and she’ll be transferring soon because she’s moving with her husband when his job relocates him, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

The sharp click of Sei’s tongue echoed around them.

He didn’t want to stop walking, so he kept moving until they reached the lifts. He pressed the button to go down.

Perhaps a lift had already been waiting on their floor, because the doors opened almost immediately. Sei stepped inside. Hagiwara followed him.

“So she was just teasing you?”

“No, it’s not really that either.”

“Then she shouldn’t go messing around with another person’s man when she doesn’t even mean anything by it.”

“Nobody was messing around with me.”

“Shut up.”

Sei pushed Hagiwara against the wall of the descending lift. Tilting his head slightly, he leaned in for a kiss.

No. Not a kiss. He opened his mouth wide and bit into the side of Hagiwara’s neck, just beneath his jaw. Hagiwara must have been thoroughly startled, because Sei felt his throat move as he swallowed.

Of course, Sei wasn’t biting hard enough to leave teeth marks. But he could feel the pulse beneath the tips of his front teeth.

Thump, thump, thump, thump…

There’s a blood vessel under here. The carotid artery, maybe.

The sensation was almost as though he were holding Hagiwara’s very life inside his mouth, gently rolling it against his tongue.

A delicious shiver ran through Sei.

“…You’re frightening.”

Hagiwara gently pushed Sei away. Perhaps he thought that if he tried to pull himself free by force, Sei might actually bite him.

Instead, he pressed his lips softly against Sei’s in a soothing kiss. It lasted only a short while, as the lift descended from just under a hundred metres above the ground to the ground floor.

When they reached the first floor, Hagiwara whispered against his lips, 

“Feeling better now?”

“Not yet.”

Sei had no intention of returning to the party. The rest of the night belonged to Hagiwara alone. He wouldn’t share it with anyone else, nor would he allow Hagiwara to give any of it to another person.

What should I do?

Hagiwara considered the question as he gazed at Sei’s sleeping face. Sei had completely misunderstood the situation.

Lying and keeping secrets were hardly admirable things, of course, but perhaps this particular misunderstanding was better left uncorrected.

A faintly sweet fragrance lingered on his freshly showered skin.

“Here you are.”

When Sei had stepped outside the restaurant earlier, the woman had offered Hagiwara his second drink. This time, it was a dry martini.

“Thanks. …Do you like gin-based cocktails?”

“Actually, I thought you might be the one who liked gin, Hagiwara.”

“Eh?”

She smiled at the look of complete bewilderment on his face.

“Well, gin isn’t exactly refreshing in the usual sense, but it has this distinctive freshness to it. Something that’s a little addictive… Doesn’t that sound rather like you, Hagiwara?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never really thought about it.”

Her fingers, adorned with two rings, lifted the olive skewered on a pick as thin as a thread and slowly turned it.

A fragrance drifted upwards. Ah, I know that smell. He hadn’t noticed it in his first drink, but now he recognised it.

“Penhaligon’s Juniper Sling… Apparently, it’s a fragrance inspired by dry gin.”

Ah. Of course. The shower gel Hagiwara had used that morning. The one Sei had received from her.

“For the wedding favours, I chose that particular one just for Nakarai.”

A transparent droplet fell from the khaki-coloured olive.

“Everyone else received a different fragrance… So that you know.”

She dropped the olive carelessly into her untouched martini. Hagiwara’s attention followed it for a moment.

In that brief instant, the woman’s body moved unexpectedly close to his. She was far too close. When she brought the tip of her nose towards the space just beneath his ear, Hagiwara instinctively flinched.

It felt almost as though someone had suddenly pressed a knife against him.

“…So why would you, Hagiwara, who doesn’t particularly like gin, be wearing that fragrance?”

It would have been easy enough to make an excuse.

Oh, I happened to have some myself. Or he could have told her the simple truth, leaving out the unnecessary details.

I stayed at Nakarai’s place and borrowed it.

There would have been nothing particularly wrong with either explanation.

Yet the words wouldn’t come because Hagiwara had a feeling, almost a certainty, that this woman had already worked something out.

Otherwise, she would never have dared to confront him quite so boldly.

Hagiwara stiffened, unsure how he ought to respond. But the woman straightened up as naturally as she’d approached him.

At the same moment, a commotion arose from the dining area. It didn’t sound like anything unpleasant, such as an argument or someone overturning a plate, but Hagiwara had absolutely no mental capacity to go and investigate.

“At last year’s gathering, you and Nakarai were talking together, weren’t you? I remember watching you because I thought it was an unusual combination.”

Back then, Sei had still been a stranger to him. It had been less than a year ago, yet somehow it felt like the distant past.

Finally, Hagiwara spoke.

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

“About what?”

“Giving one particular man special treatment at your own wedding.”

“The price was the same. I only changed the fragrance.”

“That’s not the point. It’s still dishonest.”

“So what? You’re saying I should have called off my wedding because I was interested in someone who didn’t have the slightest interest in me? You’re surprisingly innocent, Hagiwara.”

That irritated him enough to make him frown. But before he could respond, she dismissed his reaction.

“Don’t misunderstand me. It’s not as though I had romantic feelings for Nakarai. If I had to describe it, it was more like wanting to keep watching an idol on television forever.”

Sei had effortlessly evaded another person’s unwanted touch without giving it a second thought.

Unknowingly, he’d left a vivid impression on her.

A woman who had been hurt by harassment and the lack of understanding she’d encountered had found herself laughing until she cried.

Surely that was because the incident had stirred all sorts of emotions within her.

“But he really has changed a little. Even earlier tonight. He used to have this very distinctive sort of tension about him, like he was always tightly wound. As a fan, I suppose that’s a little disappointing.”

“The only reason you can say that is because you don’t understand anything about Nakarai.”

There was unmistakable anger in Hagiwara’s voice, but his words were quickly swallowed by the noise coming from the dining area.

“Well, that’s because I’m on this side of the television. But don’t worry. My husband’s being transferred, so I’ve already requested a transfer myself. I’ll be working at the Sapporo branch from autumn.”

“It’s not as though I want you to disappear.”

Although I don’t particularly want you to understand Sei, either.

“That’s exactly what you’re like, Hagiwara.” She laughed brightly. Then she asked, “Is that all right?”

“What?”

“Nakarai just left. Aren’t you going to follow him?”

“Eh?”

He left?

Wait, when did he come back? If he didn’t come over here, does that mean he saw us? Seriously? How the hell am I supposed to explain this?

Hagiwara hurriedly stood up and went after Sei. As he moved, he became conscious of the faint fragrance of dry gin clinging to his body. He couldn’t entirely disagree with the suggestion that it suited Sei. But it annoyed him to admit as much.

Fine. Then I’ll make bloody sure I’m the one who uses every last drop of that shower gel. He made the decision firmly.

What should I say? What sort of expression will he have? What will he say to me? Hagiwara was worried. And yet, strangely enough, he was also looking forward to finding out.

Because he was the only one who could see the Sei who existed beside him, on the other side of that imaginary television screen.

The Sei that nobody else could see.

Including the parts of him that were…

“Pretty wild.”