メロウレイン / Futtara Doshaburi Mellow Rain

I Fell in Love / I’m in Love

The wind was still cold on spring nights, yet there stood Sei on the other side of the ticket barriers, wearing a long-sleeved top with a knitted cardigan, not particularly thick, thrown over it. He looked perfectly unbothered. He was probably thinking something along the lines of, It’s only for a little while, and if it’s cold, it’s cold. Whatever.

 

But there was something strangely defenceless and fragile about him that made Hagiwara worry. He looked so cold that Hagiwara wanted to do something about it. And he didn’t think that impression was entirely down to his own fondness for the man.

 

“Welcome back.”

 

“You came all the way here to meet me?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Conscious of the other passengers, Hagiwara casually reached out and touched Sei’s shoulder, only to be surprised by how thoroughly chilled he was. He had emailed just before boarding the train, letting Sei know what time he expected to arrive. If Sei had timed his departure from home accordingly, he shouldn’t have been this cold.

 

“How long have you been waiting?”

 

“About twenty minutes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“What’s wrong with that?”

 

“There’s plenty wrong with it.”

 

Sei gently pinched something from Hagiwara’s shoulder. At some point, a single cherry blossom petal had settled there.

 

“You’re finally home,” Sei murmured.

 

“Sorry.”

 

There was nothing Hagiwara had actually done wrong, but the apology slipped out instinctively.

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Sei said with a smile.

 

Hagiwara still didn’t quite understand, but that smile sank somewhere much deeper than his understanding. Or perhaps it was Hagiwara himself who was falling.

 

Sei barely showed his teeth when he smiled. It was a quiet, intimate expression, like someone whispering a secret directly into your ear. The sort of smile that could make anyone mistakenly believe they were someone special, that they alone were being let in on a secret.

 

There’s something dangerous about this man if you leave him to his own devices.

 

The meaning had changed considerably, but that was still Hagiwara's impression of Sei.

 

With a simple “Let’s go home”, followed by a light touch on someone’s upper arm and a silent nod, Sei could probably persuade just about any man or woman to go home with him.

 

Not that Sei himself was particularly indiscriminate. Quite the opposite. His tastes were remarkably narrow.

 

“Wasn’t there a third party?”

 

“There was, but only the people who wanted to go carried on. Nobody had booked anywhere.”

 

“Are you sure you didn’t force yourself to come home?”

 

He had certainly been invited. But he was exhausted, there were a few people he felt slightly awkward around, and he’d fulfilled his responsibilities without any problems. Surely that was enough. In the end, he’d more or less shaken off the invitations and left.

 

“It’s fine,” Hagiwara said. “I’m the one who wanted to come home. Even if I had to push myself a little.”

 

“…Yeah.”

 

They walked side by side beneath the deserted shopping arcade, which wasn’t particularly bustling even during the day. Most of the shutters were down, but the streetlights positioned at regular intervals provided enough illumination.

 

As they passed through the long, tunnel-like arcade, Hagiwara could feel their separate stretches of time gradually converging into time they shared together. The atmosphere changed, shifting from absence to presence.

 

“I like this road,” Hagiwara said.

 

“Do you?”

 

“Only when I’m on my way to your place, Nakarai. I hate it when I’m going home.”

 

“Then you can’t really say you like it.”

 

Perhaps amused by his frankness, Sei smiled again. Hagiwara found himself gazing at his profile and unconsciously stopped walking.

 

“What?” Sei asked, immediately catching him with his eyes.

 

Hagiwara wanted to kiss him.

 

He held himself back.

 

It wasn’t as though Sei’s face was exactly the sort he’d always considered his ideal. His features were refined, certainly, but there was a tendency towards melancholy in his expression. Long eyelashes lowered to conceal his eyes, a faintly shadowed nose, and lips as delicately smooth and thin as carefully polished plaster.

 

Hagiwara had always preferred faces that gave a brighter impression. But once he’d been drawn to Sei, once he’d become conscious of that attraction, every casual word, every movement, every subtle quality of his skin and every shifting shadow added another layer to the person before him.

 

Rather than growing accustomed to Sei’s appearance over time, he found himself discovering more and more to love, both inside and out. And he was certain that would continue.

 

“Remember something we talked about before?” Hagiwara asked.

 

“What?”

 

“About how, once we got used to each other, you might stop feeling lonely whenever I left your place.”

 

It had been the night Sei had accompanied him all the way to the station because neither of them wanted to part.

 

“Oh, yeah. That’s still holding up.”

 

“Still?”

 

“Besides, it wasn’t that long ago.”

 

“No. Just over six months, actually… But it’s not just holding steady.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“It’s been climbing. Pretty steeply, too.”

 

For me, anyway.

 

Having added that last part, Hagiwara suddenly felt embarrassed. He tried to cover it by deliberately making a joke of himself.

 

“God, that’s embarrassing.”

He felt as though he were desperately trying to woo someone who had absolutely no interest in him. Although, surely, his feelings weren’t entirely one-sided.

 

Sei neither laughed nor looked embarrassed. Instead, he pursed his lips, looking almost annoyed.

 

“You’re unfair, Hagiwara.”

 

“How?”

 

“The way you say things like that.”

 

“Why?”

 

Hagiwara hadn’t particularly expected Sei to swoon over his words, but Sei looked genuinely frustrated.

 

“It’s unfair that you can just say those things.”

 

“What? Don’t tell me you think I go around saying stuff like that all the time. I’m not Adachi, you know.”

 

He’d always considered himself fairly sensible about such matters, so the suggestion was rather insulting.

 

“I don’t think that,” Sei replied curtly.

 

“I know you don’t say those things to just anyone.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Anyway, I’m cold.”

 

Apparently, Sei had only just remembered the temperature.

 

“Well, that’s because you’re dressed so lightly.”

 

“That’s my business.”

 

“Right…”

 

Hagiwara wasn’t sure how to interpret Sei’s present mood. It wasn’t exactly irritation, but it wasn’t entirely anything else, either. Would he eventually reach a point where he could read Sei’s feelings as easily as if they were written on his face?

 

That might be a bit boring, actually. The fact that Hagiwara could entertain such a thought showed how comfortable he’d become.

 

When they reached Sei’s flat, Hagiwara embraced him right there in the entrance hall, without even putting down his belongings. Sei stiffened in surprise for a moment and shifted awkwardly, then relaxed and leaned into him.

 

“Better? Not cold now?”

 

Hagiwara whispered into his ear, which felt as cool as a seashell kept in a drawer where sunlight never reached.

 

“Still cold.”

 

Was Sei simply being affectionate, or was he asking for something more intimate? Either way, the entrance hall wasn’t the place for it. Hagiwara loosened his arms.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“You’re asking now?”

 

“Just being polite. Say ‘Come in’.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’ll make me happy.”

 

“Come iiiin.”

 

Sei sounded half-exasperated, half-amused as he leaned forward and gave Hagiwara a light kiss on the lips.

 

“Here. A little present from today.”

 

Hagiwara took a small package from a paper bag and handed it to him.

 

“Konpeitō?”

 

Sei examined the sweets, small round balls covered in tiny bumps. They were roughly eighty per cent pink and twenty per cent white, with a swan sticker on the front of the packaging. They looked a little like three-dimensional models of molecular structures, or perhaps the comically cute germs used to represent colds and tooth decay in cartoons.

 

“That’s what I thought at first, too, but apparently they’re different. Look at the sticker on the back. It says Ukihoshi.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Apparently they’re a Niigata speciality. Little pieces of rice cracker coated in sugar. That’s where the groom’s from.”

 

“Can you just eat them as they are?”

 

“You can, but I was told you can also pour hot water or tea over them, or mix them into yoghurt.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

They decided to try some with hot water while warming themselves up.

Sei filled the electric kettle.

 

“We haven’t got any tea leaves. Is it all right with just hot water?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

As Sei poured the water into a mug, a billow of steam tumbled from the kettle’s spout. Hagiwara dropped in several of the tiny round sweets, each bearing its slightly ominous little spikes.

 

“About this many?”

 

“Who knows? Looks fine.”

 

The pink and white sweets danced in the boiling water before bobbing gently to the surface.

 

“Oh, I see,” Sei murmured. “Floating stars. Ukihoshi.”

 

“Names are important, aren’t they? I think about that with our products, too.”

 

The water acquired a faint sweetness, and the strawberry flavouring released its scent as it warmed.

 

“Hot!”

 

They both blew across the steaming surface before carefully taking a sip.

Almost simultaneously, they let out a small sigh.

 

“…Not bad, I suppose?”

 

“Yeah. It’s not amazingly delicious, which actually makes it rather comforting. It’s like, Oh, so this is what it’s supposed to taste like.”

 

The slightest hint of sweetness and fragrance had transformed ordinary hot water into something their minds recognised as a proper drink. When Hagiwara chewed one of the rice crackers after its sugar coating had dissolved, it was soft but still retained the distinctive texture and slight stickiness of rice.

 

“It’s almost like a sweet version of the rice crackers you put in ochazuke.”

 

“Yeah, something like that.”

 

They sat side by side, leaning against the bed, talking idly while gazing up towards the wooden frame above them.

 

“Did you have fun?” Sei asked.

“Hmm… I was so busy worrying about the schedule and making sure everything ran on time that I didn’t have a chance to relax. But the bride and groom seemed happy, and the food was good, so I’d say it was a pass.”

 

“You’re looking at it like a job again.”

 

“Sometimes you have to. Once you start thinking, "I’m doing all this for them," and get resentful, everything becomes increasingly unpleasant. But if I tell myself that I’ve accepted the responsibility and it’s my job now, I can just get on with it.”

 

“You’re good at handling things like that, Hagiwara.”

 

Sei sounded oddly impressed.

 

“Eh? Not really.”

 

“You are.”

 

Even if that were true, Hagiwara thought Sei’s calm, almost majestic awkwardness was infinitely more appealing than his own clever ability to handle situations.

 

Sei placed his half-finished mug on the low table and suddenly fixed Hagiwara with an unwavering gaze.

 

See? Things like that.

 

The careless way he looked straight at someone, without making the slightest effort to moderate the intensity of his attention.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“Something I thought I ought to apologise for.”

 

Sei didn’t look particularly troubled, which somehow made Hagiwara’s chest tighten even more.

 

“No,” he blurted out.

 

“I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s definitely not going to be anything good.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Er… I don’t know.”

 

It couldn’t be a breakup conversation, not with the atmosphere between them as it was. He was certain of that. But when he tried to imagine what else it might be, nothing came to mind.

 

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say, and you’re already refusing to hear it?”

 

“Because it’s you, Nakarai.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean…? Fine. I won’t tell you, then.”

 

“Wait!”

 

Hagiwara caught hold of Sei’s cardigan at the shoulder.

 

“Which is it?”

 

“Well, now I’m curious.”

 

“It’s difficult to say anything when you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

 

After that little warning, Sei finally spoke.

 

“I looked at your phone after all.”

 

“Huh?”

 

That thing?

 

The time Hagiwara had told Sei he was free to look at his phone, and Sei had seemed completely indifferent, almost as though he didn’t want to see it?

 

“Oh… Right. And?”

 

“That’s all.”

 

“Oh. Is that it?”

 

A mixture of relief and anticlimax escaped Hagiwara in one long sigh, carrying the faint flavour of strawberries.

 

“I told you it was fine to look, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but I pretended I hadn’t, then went and looked secretly. That’s not right. Sorry.”

 

“Really? I don’t mind at all.”

 

Hagiwara drained the remaining contents of his now-lukewarm mug and placed it beside Sei’s.

 

“So?”

 

He looked at him curiously.

 

“Did you find anything suspicious?”

 

He was secretly rather pleased to discover that Sei had cared enough to look after all. But Sei shook his head firmly.

 

“Except…”

 

Except what?

 

“That girl with the dog. She liked you, didn’t she? And you knew, didn’t you?”

 

It took Hagiwara several seconds to realise that the girl with the dog referred to the LINE profile picture of one of the women he’d organised the wedding party with.

 

They’d exchanged messages so frequently, yet he hadn’t paid much attention to her profile picture. It was rather cold of him, really.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Sei sounded so certain that Hagiwara saw no point in denying it or pretending otherwise.

 

“But nothing happened. Absolutely nothing, physically or emotionally.”

 

Apparently amused by the wording, Sei repeated it for no particular reason.

 

“Physically or emotionally.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Honestly, though, it made things incredibly awkward.”

 

Hagiwara hadn’t intended to confide in him about it, but now that Sei appeared to have seen through the situation entirely, he found himself relieved to have someone he could finally complain to.

 

“It made me nervous, for one thing. Whenever I had to ask her to do something, I worried that I might be taking advantage of her feelings. But then, if I tried to do too much myself, she might misunderstand that, too. It’s not that I found her annoying or unpleasant or anything. Absolutely not, but—”

 

“All right, all right.”

 

With a mischievous expression, Sei covered Hagiwara’s rapidly moving mouth with his palm.

 

“I understand. It was difficult and confusing for you.”

 

“Exactly. The emotional strain.”

 

Hagiwara didn’t think he’d been especially kind to the girl, nor could he remember behaving as though he were romantically interested in her. But he wouldn’t claim those were reasons she shouldn’t have fallen for him. After all, people didn’t need particular reasons not to fall in love. And the reasons they did fall in love could be absolutely anything. Or, for that matter, nothing at all.

 

Sometimes you simply fell in love, and there was nothing you could do about it. Even if he couldn’t return her feelings, Hagiwara understood that much perfectly well.

 

“Oh, come on.”

 

He gently moved Sei’s hand away, feeling slightly sulky.

 

“If I’d known you already knew, I could’ve told you sooner. It would’ve made things a bit easier… Actually, you should’ve told me.”

 

“Hmm. Maybe.”

 

Sei tilted his head vaguely, then gave Hagiwara’s hand a firm little squeeze.

He was blatantly avoiding the subject. And yet he was adorable. Why do I love him this much? Hagiwara tightened his own grip around Sei’s hand.

 

“Did I make you worry?”

 

Part of him hoped he hadn’t. Another small part rather hoped he had, just a little.

 

Whenever Hagiwara thought about Sei, he sometimes felt as though he were dividing into two like some primitive organism. Both halves were made of precisely the same substance, and both were undeniably him, yet each contained opposing feelings, constantly shifting and trembling like jelly.

 

“You made my heart race,” Sei answered.

 

“In what way?”

A racing heart could mean something unpleasant, too, but Sei didn’t seem to be talking about jealousy or anxiety.

 

“Secret.”

 

“Aw, come on.”

 

Sei’s lips parted into the beginnings of a smile and then remained there, suspended. Hagiwara took it as an invitation.

 

When he kissed him, Sei responded softly, and Hagiwara knew he’d interpreted the expression correctly.

 

They continued exchanging small kisses, shifting the angles of their faces and gently catching each other’s lips. Then, quite suddenly, Hagiwara remembered something.

 

He drew back and, before Sei could ask what was wrong, reached towards his lower lip. Gently, he pulled it down and examined the inside.

 

“Eh? What are you doing?”

 

Even Sei was startled enough to swat his hand away.

 

“You can’t just do that without warning!”

 

“I just realised I’ve never looked at that part of you before.”

 

“Huh?”

 

During the wedding after-party that evening, Hagiwara had happened to overhear a conversation at one of the women’s tables.

 

“I’m trying to decide on a blusher colour. Fuchsia pink or coral. Even when I try them at the counter, I can’t really tell the difference.”

 

“Blusher’s surprisingly difficult, isn’t it?”

 

If you can’t tell the difference, wouldn’t either one do? Hagiwara had wondered.

But the four women had immediately begun agreeing with one another, all insisting they knew exactly what she meant.

 

Make-up really is complicated.

 

“Apparently, you should match it to the colour of the inside of your lips. Here, look underneath your lower lip.”

 

At that suggestion, the women had all begun turning their lower lips inside out to examine the colour.

 

“Yours looks more orange, doesn’t it?”

 

“No, I think it’s pink.”

 

They’d chattered away as though they were judging flowers at an exhibition.

Hagiwara had watched with a mixture of mild surprise and admiration. He’d thought he was being discreet about it, but apparently not.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

One of the women addressed him in a reproachful tone, although she appeared to be joking.

 

“I’d rather you didn’t watch us pulling strange faces.”

 

He didn’t recognise her. She was probably a friend of the bride. Both her lipstick and blusher were in shades of red, so perhaps the inside of her lips was a similar colour.

 

“Sorry,” Hagiwara apologised readily.

 

“I just thought it was amazing.”

 

“What was?”

 

“How there seems to be a secret behind everything women do with make-up. It’s like there’s a reason for absolutely everything girls do.”

 

“And boys are different?”

 

“Sometimes I think we do things for no reason at all.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Looking more closely, he realised she resembled an ex-girlfriend of his. Perhaps it was simply that they wore their makeup in a similar way or drew inspiration from the same celebrity.

 

“You’re dangerous,” she said, flashing him a broad smile with her red lips.

 

“Dangerous?”

 

“Guys who can casually say such ridiculously innocent, virginal things are trouble.”

 

“What on earth are you saying? Sorry, she’s drunk!”

 

The other women immediately began scolding her and apologising on her behalf. Hagiwara, meanwhile, had to prepare for the bingo game, so he’d excused himself with a rather awkward bow and left the conversation unfinished. And now, for the first time, he had seen the inside of Sei’s lower lip.

 

It was wet and glossier than the outer surface, with a faint bluish tinge. Tiny capillaries, delicate as loose threads, were scattered across it. I wonder how blue-toned blusher would look.

 

“What are you supposed to do with that information?” Sei asked.

 

“Nothing, really. Somebody said something strange earlier, and for some reason it stuck in my head.”

 

When Hagiwara explained the conversation at the after-party, Sei looked at him in disbelief.

 

“How can you not understand?”

 

“Understand what?”

 

“She was hitting on you, Hagiwara.”

 

“What? No way.”

 

He rejected the suggestion immediately.

 

“Calling someone a virgin isn’t a compliment. It’s practically sexual harassment. Imagine if I went up to a woman and told her she seemed like a virgin. I’d be in serious trouble.”

 

“But you still remembered what she said.”

 

“Well, that’s because…”

 

“Then her approach worked. You’re strangely oblivious for someone who’s as popular as you are. If someone quietly develops feelings for you, you’ll eventually notice. But when they express themselves in a roundabout way, you don’t understand what they’re getting at.”

 

“I’m not particularly popular… But, yeah, maybe you’re right. Unless someone tells me directly that they’re interested, I probably won’t realise.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Wait. Does that mean I’m stupid?”

 

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

 

Sei cupped Hagiwara’s cheeks between both hands.

 

“It’s because you’re sincere and straightforward in the way you approach people.”

 

Am I?

 

Hagiwara wondered about it, but before he could answer, Sei covered his mouth with his own.

 

Hagiwara searched with the tip of his tongue for the faintly bluish inner surface of Sei’s lips, a colour reminiscent of the final moments of dusk or the beginning of dawn.

 

Now that he could imagine exactly what colour that soft, yielding flesh was, he found it more exciting than he had before knowing. His tongue traced the neat row of Sei’s teeth.

 

As he explored the inside of Sei’s mouth, Sei did the same to him. Wet sounds arose between them, close enough to seem as though they were coming from both inside and outside his ears. But they were alone, so there was no reason to care.

 

Their tongues rubbed together, the faintly rough surfaces warming their mingled saliva. The lingering scent of strawberries seemed to grow stronger.

Sweet. Hagiwara loved the strange sensation that came over him whenever they made love with their mouths like this.

 

It was as though his arms and legs had disappeared and his entire body had become an enormous, soft, shapeless creature, writhing and tangling itself around Sei.

 

There was something wonderfully happy about the two of them losing themselves together, beyond any possibility of undoing it. But Sei’s hands were very much real.

 

They held Hagiwara’s head firmly, ruffling the hair he’d styled more carefully than usual until it was thoroughly dishevelled. The rough, almost childish way Sei ruined his hairstyle, like a child destroying a sandcastle, stirred something in Hagiwara.

 

He slipped his hands beneath the hem of Sei’s thin top and began stroking his upper body wherever his fingers could reach. All the while, they continued kissing as though swimming together.

 

They didn’t need to coordinate the moments when they surfaced for air. Somehow, they always managed to breathe at precisely the same time. Perhaps heightened emotion consumed more oxygen in the brain, making a constant fresh supply necessary.

Hagiwara thought that if he scattered flower seeds between their lips while they kissed, they might even begin to sprout.

 

There was no light, but there was an abundance of moisture and carbon dioxide.

 

“Mm…”

 

When Hagiwara located one of Sei’s nipples, the rhythm of their kiss faltered slightly. The tongue that had been stroking the roof of Hagiwara’s mouth shrank back for an instant. Hagiwara paid it no mind.

 

He continued teasing the small nub beneath his fingertips, pinching it firmly, squeezing and rolling it with deliberate attention, determined to coax out every sensitive reaction.

 

“Mmm… Mmh…”

 

A troubled, breathy sound escaped from deep in Sei’s throat, tickling the inside of Hagiwara’s mouth. While his hands wandered over Sei’s chest and sides, Hagiwara continued to kiss him deeply. Sei’s hands, having thoroughly ruined his hair, eventually settled on his shoulders, clinging to him.

 

Their eyes were so close that Hagiwara could see the desire shining wetly in Sei’s gaze. Or perhaps Sei’s eyes were simply reflecting the same desire in his own.

 

When they finally released each other from a kiss so prolonged that their tongues had begun to ache, it wasn’t an ending. It was the beginning of something else. They moved to the bed beside them and hurriedly stripped off their clothes, as though losing even a single second might allow the heat between them to fade.

 

Not that there was any chance of that. When their naked bodies came together, their heartbeats seemed almost miraculously synchronised, and the discovery only heightened their excitement.

 

The nipple Hagiwara had already teased until it was swollen and pointed now stimulated him through sight as well as touch.

 

“Ah…!”

 

When his tongue brushed against it, Sei’s chest jerked as though he’d received an electric shock. The small, taut peak became vividly flushed beneath the attention of Hagiwara’s lips, almost as though its colour had been dyed by the blood beneath the skin.

 

“Ah… Ahh… Mm…”

 

Pressed so closely together, there was no disguising the fact that both of them were already aroused. When Hagiwara rubbed his hips against Sei in an unmistakably sexual movement, Sei parted his legs and welcomed him.

The immense relief of knowing that his physical desire wouldn’t be rejected grew stronger and more deeply ingrained every time they came together.

 

“Nakarai, pass me the lubricant.”

 

“Mm.”

 

Hagiwara squeezed some from the bottle Sei handed him and reached between his spread legs.

 

“Ahh… No…”

 

As he began preparing Sei, he used his other hand to wrap around his erection, heightening the arousal already gathering in his lower body.

Hagiwara had never resented the careful preparation their lovemaking required, nor the impatience that accompanied it.

 

He loved the way Sei gradually softened and relaxed beneath his touch, opening himself to what was to come.

 

“Ah… No… Ahh…!”

 

The caresses intended to distract Sei soon became another source of excitement, causing him to tighten around the fingers entering him. It was as though the lubricant alone wasn’t enough; his body was opening under the ache of desire rising from somewhere deep inside.

 

“Ah! Don’t!”

Hagiwara bent Sei’s knees and crouched, bringing his face close to Sei's lower body. He gently spread the opening around his fingers. This is a mucous membrane, too.

 

Unlike the inside of Sei’s lips, this delicate flesh had a more intensely intimate colouring and a slick sheen. It gave a small, involuntary twitch, almost as though shrinking from being observed. The sight was extraordinarily obscene, and it only heightened Hagiwara’s arousal.

 

“Idiot. Stop it.”

 

They hadn’t turned off the light, so Hagiwara could see everything clearly, from Sei’s exposed body to the ears that had turned bright red. He didn’t think there was any need to apologise.

 

“I love you.”

 

“You’re the worst.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Shut up, idiot… Mm… Ah!”

 

After carefully exploring even the places he couldn’t see with his fingers, Hagiwara pressed his slick erection against the sensitive opening.

 

“Ahh…!”

 

Sei had protested, and perhaps because he’d protested, his body was already so thoroughly aroused and relaxed that, with the help of the lubricant, it smoothly accepted him.

 

The pleasure was like being pushed over an edge, or perhaps pushing Sei over it. There was a sense of falling into something whose end he couldn’t see.

 

It reminded Hagiwara of the dizziness he experienced in dreams when he lost his footing and fell, as though he were being sucked into some long, narrow opening.

 

“Ah… Ahh… No…”

 

Sei’s voice and the arms wrapping around Hagiwara’s back anchored him to reality. Hagiwara pressed his hips forward until he was fully inside him. Only after making absolutely certain that Sei wasn’t in pain did he begin to move.

 

“Ahh… Ah… Hagiwara…”

 

Sei’s toes brushed against his hip bones, urging him on, asking for a quicker rhythm. Hagiwara followed his lead, adjusting the speed and force of his movements to whatever Sei seemed to want. Sei’s eyes gradually lost their focus, becoming so soft and hazy that Hagiwara thought they might melt and spill out along with his tears.

 

Suddenly worried, Hagiwara lowered his upper body and peered into his face. Beyond those long eyelashes, Sei’s eyes met his. Sei smiled beautifully. Then he slid his fingertips along the hollow of Hagiwara’s spine, sending a delicious shiver through him.

 

“Ah… Don’t do that so suddenly… I’ll come.”

 

“Payback for earlier.”

 

This time Hagiwara resumed moving at the rhythm he preferred. Sei stroked the place where his lower back met his hips and murmured dreamily, “That feels good.”

 

“Hagiwara, you’re so good at this…”

 

“…You’re unfair too, Nakarai. The way you say things like that.”

 

Hagiwara thrust upwards, surrendering to the impulse driving him towards release. Phantom stars flickered before his eyes and behind his eyelids. Surely those stars tasted of sweat.

 

Of rain.

 

Of his lover.

 

“Ah… Ah… Ahh…”

 

“Nakarai…”

 

“Hagiwara…”

 

The white light that had been flashing insistently gradually filled both his vision and his mind. Then everything reversed, turning into darkness. Within that quiet, warm darkness, the stars sank.

 

“Shall we go and see the cherry blossoms when we wake up?”

 

Sei asked the question in the darkened room.

 

“If you’re feeling up to it… Mm, although I think they said it was going to rain.”

 

“That’d be nice.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Some of the petals might fall. Just the right amount.”

 

“The right amount? But they’re at their best right now.”

 

“That’s fine. Oh, but now that you’re finally free of all that work, perhaps we should just take it easy.”

 

They might go back to the park they’d once walked through together, back when they hadn’t yet known each other’s hearts or bodies. Or perhaps they wouldn’t go anywhere at all. Perhaps they’d simply spend the day lazing around in bed.

 

Either would be fine.

 

As long as he was with Sei, it didn’t matter.

 

Since then, Hagiwara had fallen in love with Sei.

 

And he was still in love with him.