Love Upon a Time: Special Edition.

Chapter 5 - When it was lost.

More than a month has passed since Khun Phop, the eldest son of Phraya Phichai Phakdi, was injured by a gunshot. Although his physical condition has improved, progress has been gradual. The wounds had not yet fully healed, yet there were no complications. However, the atmosphere in the house was sombre, as if a thick, murky fog had enveloped the entire area. The reason for this is that one person didn't return with them. To this day, there's still no sign of Klao, the son of the former high-ranking official who was exonerated.

 

Having completed the family's lineage, he mysteriously disappeared on the night of the incident, leaving the remaining family members, especially Khun Phob's mother, in a frighteningly bad state of mind, potentially affecting their physical health.

Khunying Prayong sat on the pavilion on the veranda, glancing towards her son's quarters, which had been tightly closed for several days, with a questioning look in her suffering eyes.

 

"Hey, Kong, has Master Phop still not eaten anything today?"

 

The official, serving his son, bowed deeply and replied sadly, "Yes, sir."

 

The mother's heart ached when she heard the answer. Her beloved son might have escaped danger, but the price he paid was a broken heart. Even while bedridden with a fever from his wounds, Phop still raved about his lover's name. Whenever he regained strength, he would struggle to go out and search for the missing man, completely disregarding his own physical condition. He would ignore anyone who tried to stop him.

 

If she hadn't shed tears and pleaded, it seems her son would have pushed himself so hard searching for Klao that his condition would have worsened. Even now, though his physical wounds are almost healed, the emotional wound has deepened, becoming a gaping sore that it's uncertain if it will ever heal.

 

A few days ago, Phop left home and went to the temple. Upon his return, he locked himself in his room, refusing to utter a single word to his parents or his trusted servant, Ai Kong. He barely touched any food, no matter how much his mother or even his friend and physician, Jom, pleaded with him. Phop only managed to eat a few bites. The lady had a premonition that she would never have her son back. Without the child's existence, her son's heart was dead. They happened simultaneously. The mother's eyes welled up with tears. Khunying Prayong blinked, trying to control her emotions, as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the house. When she turned...

 

Looking around, she saw Jom carrying his medicine pouch, along with Kaew. Both of them walked straight towards her and bowed. "I respectfully greet you, Auntie."

 

"Jom, Kaew," the lady of the house almost jumped up to go to the two young men, her voice trembling, "Please go check on Phop for me. He won't eat."

 

"The food... Auntie is scared... scared that Phop won't be able to handle it. Please help me persuade Phop to eat something. Both listeners' faces immediately turned serious, especially Jom, the herbalist, who hurried towards the house, knocking on the door of Klao's room, where his friend was now. He was in there, with Kaew standing behind him, looking worried.

 

"Ai Phop, it's me."

 

There was no reply. The master turned to look at the servant kneeling at the door, his eyes questioning. The servant shook his head and bowed his head.

 

"I've come to examine your wound. If you don't open the door, I'll call someone to pick the lock," the man said sternly, knocking on the door again and telling Kong to fetch the tools to unlock the door. Soft footsteps echoed from behind the door. Before he could even get up to carry out the master's orders, he heard the bolt loosen, and the room door opened by a hand's breadth for the person inside.

 

"Why make such a big deal out of it?"

 

A heavy stone weighed down Jom's chest as he examined the face of his friend, who had risen to open the door for him. He saw deep, sunken eyes and a stern, brow-like face. It's common for sick people to have this, but what's heartbreaking is the empty, soulless look in their eyes. Love...it's both a miracle drug and a poison.

 

"Because I don't know if you're ill and unable to get up, I wouldn't want to be impolite," Jom explained, stepping inside the bedroom. The windows, usually open during the day, were all closed, plunging the room into darkness. On a low table sat a bowl of uncooked food. Jom's gaze stopped on the wide bed, where a strange set of clothes was folded and placed at the head. The first time he saw it, he thought it was odd, perhaps the attire of the Farang people. But seeing it again now, he felt a Pung of guilt. The person who once wore it was no longer here, leaving only the clothes for his friend to see as a humiliating reminder.

 

Jom glanced at the back of his friend, who was still standing at the door, facing the youngest member of the group, who was now his lover. Kaew called out to him. His voice trembled, "P'Phop..."

 

"You came too?" Phop smiled gently at the younger man, as he always did when they met. However, to the beholder, it felt as if the older man was about to cry, even though he was smiling. It was a deeply sorrowful smile, though not a single tear fell. Instead, Kaew sensed the other person's suffering, and tears welled in his eyes. He swallowed the sob before responding.

 

"I...I came along because I wanted to visit you, brother."

 

Kaew spoke as he stepped across the threshold of the room, then turned to close the door behind him. Phop then walked back to sit on the bed and rolled up his right sleeve for Jom to Bandage him. The atmosphere in the room was strangely tense and oppressive. The chief silently examined the nearly healed bullet wound on his friend's upper arm. Kaew himself didn't dare speak, afraid of accidentally saying something that would upset his brother. So, Phop was the one who broke the silence.

 

"Have you come to see me because you are still worried about my wounds, or are you afraid that I might commit suicide?"

 

Both guests' breaths hitched simultaneously. Kaew turned to look at Jom, his lips tightly pressed together, his face looking as if he were about to cry, while Jom let out a heavy sigh.

 

"I know you're not a suicidal person, but refusing to eat is still harming yourself." The atmosphere instantly became heavy as the master warned. "Even if you can't eat, try to force yourself a little. Otherwise, how will you survive? Your parents. Your Highness, your siblings, your servants, I and Kaew, everyone is very worried about you, including...."

 

The man paused for a moment, glancing thoughtfully at the clothes folded on the bed. Finally, he said, "If your lover knew you were heartbroken, I believe he wouldn't be pleased"

 

As time passed, no one dared to utter the name of the deceased in front of Phop, as if the word 'Klao' had become forbidden in the house. Yet, that sentence was merely enough to cause the young lord's sharp, expressionless eyes to flicker slightly.

 

"So...you're going to stay like that?"

 

"Ai Phop..."

 

"Even though I don't want to live anymore, I wouldn't think of taking my own life. You can rest assured." Phop turned to look at his two friends before gazing blankly out the closed window.

 

"The other day... I went to see the Venerable Master."

 

The two guests fell silent. Since the incident, the person in front of them had barely spoken a word to anyone. They therefore didn't know what he was thinking and became apprehensive. The other party might do something unexpected. The fact that Phop was willing to express his feelings like this relieved Jom and Kaew a little.

 

"He told me that he was merely returning to where he came from, because his time here had run out. But his temporary return was because... he returned to protect me."

 

"..."

 

"But everyone would say he abandoned me, wouldn't they?"

 

That's right. When no one found Klao's body, the people of Bangkok speculated in various ways. Some said Klao loved himself and feared death, so he ran away alone. Others said perhaps he was too embarrassed to marry a man, so he abandoned the young nobleman, leaving him humiliated, and went to start a new life in another town.

 

"He was slandered, and this time I failed again. I never knew how much pain he suffered. I never knew what he did for me. I never protected him. He never got it, not even once," Phop said in a hoarse voice, his eyes filled with immense sorrow—no matter when, it was always too late for him. Klao had to fight the accusations, clear his family's name alone, and was pushed away by others. He protected him until death, yet he still returned to this place to protect him, a protection even in this moment, unable to shield him from the accusation of abandoning him.

 

The image depicts a man who consistently fails to protect his loved one, always receiving but never knowing anything, never understanding the overwhelming happiness he receives. It is something fleeting. They didn't even realise that every moment they spent together was a countdown. They never once considered the day when they would no longer have each other by their side in this world. Just one more week... Phop never knew that their wedding would never come. He never knew how painful it would be to be alone without a heart. The pain can be this intense.

 

The young man's eyes were red as he tried to suppress his sorrow. Why was fate so cruel, leading him to meet someone, become deeply and wholeheartedly in love, only to have that person taken away without a chance to say goodbye? He cried, cried until he had almost no more tears left. Yet, the suffering never lessened. Only in his dreams could he find solace. He dreamt that his lover was still in his arms, but when he woke up, he had to face the painful reality that he would never see him again.

 

"That's not true! Brother Klao wouldn't think that way. Don't blame yourself," Kaew said anxiously, becoming even more distressed when his brother's expression didn't improve.

 

"More importantly, if P'Klao manages to return once, there might still be a way for us to meet again. That means there's still a chance, doesn't it? Especially if P'Klao knows that you refuse. If he continues to eat and drink like this, he will surely regret it and blame himself for being the cause."

 

The listener's eyes flickered slightly as Kaew rose from the floor, walked closer, and sat down on the bed beside him.

 

"Brother Phop, I'm sure that no matter where Brother Klao is, he would never be happy to see you sick and heartbroken because of him. Brother Klao loves you so much. Therefore, you must take good care of yourself, so that you may meet again someday."

 

It was just a consolation. He knew it well; his intuition told him he would never see Klao again in this lifetime. Therefore, Phop had no motivation to live anymore. Even so, Kaew's words helped to revive him somewhat. Indeed, Klao would be heartbroken to see him in this condition. And then there were his parents. The pain and suffering he inflicted on his parents also made him unhappy. More importantly, if Phop abandoned his intention to live that life, then Klao would truly be forgotten forever. Therefore, he had to live on to remember the other person forever, no matter how agonising every second, every breath he took...

 

"If fate truly dictates our paths together, no matter how much time passes, we will eventually meet again. Remember this, Khun Phop."

 

So that one day we can meet again.

 

"Understood," Phop smiled slightly, meeting the gaze of his two young companions, and said, "I will eat and drink as I should."

 

"You are recovering, so you must eat more. I will stop by to check on you every day," the young nobleman said in a serious tone. He scrutinised the deep furrow between his friend's eyebrows, a smile playing on his lips. 

 

"We've been together for a long time, but this is the first time I've felt you're acting like a true healer."

 

"Well, I'm a herbalist, you see," the old man exhaled sharply, yet felt relieved to hear the other man joking. It seemed that Phop had regained some of his senses. His friends have always dedicated their lives to others, so from now on, they should focus on their health and preserve their lives for the sake of others. Jom didn't know if that was a good reason, but as a comrade, he hoped the painting would one day truly preserve its own life.

 

"Since we're already here, Kaew and I will have lunch with you."

 

Jom said, getting up and opening the window to let the air circulate. Kaew quickly hurried to open the door and told Kong to bring more food. The atmosphere was heavy and tense. At first, Phop felt much more relaxed. Gazing at the cloudless sky outside the window, a faint glimmer of life appeared amidst the sadness in his eyes. Yet, he...The young nobleman resolved to stop burdening others and move on with his life, for that was his responsibility as a lover, a friend, and a son.

 

Time passed by, from days to weeks, months and years, slowly, with an unceasing sorrow. A major change occurred at the Phraya Phichai Bhakdi residence when the master passed away at age 60. Phop, as the only son, ascended to the throne as the new master. He was thirty-two years old. He was later promoted to the rank of 'Luang Wititphakdi,' commanding a patrol in the capital city. He was the pillar of support for his family, which had now grown larger as his younger brothers had all married and started families, bringing much-needed children and making the household much livelier.

 

Ever since his father passed away, his mother turned to a religious life, becoming a nun and residing at a temple. To this day, the Luang Wititphakdi residence still lacks a matriarch. It's new because Phop, the master of the house, never considered marriage. He was waiting for the right time to bequeath this house to one of his younger brothers so the family lineage could continue. More than fourteen years have passed since Klao left him, and Phop has come to realise that living without a loved one is more agonising than death itself.

 

"I've returned, Your Excellency. Should I set the table or not?" A man in his thirties, about thirty-four, hurried in to inquire as Phop entered the house late one night, after returning from official duty.

 

"No need, I've already had enough. Just bring me a bottle of liquor to my room," the young man said, looking up at the sky. On this clear, full-moon night in winter, the stars twinkled like an unattainable ocean, evoking nostalgic memories of the past. Phop stepped into Klao's bedroom. Ever since Klao left, he had moved into this room. Everything in the room remained exactly as it was before Klao had left. The person turned to look at a strange set of clothes folded on the bed and smiled.

 

"I'm back."

 

He said this every day, citing evidence of his lover's existence. It was the only thing that convinced Phop that everything that had happened between him and Klao was true. That really happened. The fabric began to tear and wear down with time. Even so, Phop cherished and preserved the dress, even knowing that its owner would never wear it again. The young man began to take off his outer shirt and wipe himself down, changing into his loungewear while Ai brought him some liquor. Then, Ai helped close the door so he could have some personal time.

 

The image shows him placing that set of clothes on the table, as if Klao were sitting beside him, before beginning to drink alcohol and recount the day's events as he did every day. There was only one...Only doing this brought some peace to Phop's heart; it was better than remaining silent and alone, which only reinforced the fact that he would never see his loved one again.

 

"The order just came down today. In three days, I have to go to Bang Lamung to accompany my boss on business," Phop said, stroking the gold ring with a red gemstone on his left ring finger. The ring he intended to give Klao as a replacement for his old wedding ring, but he never had the chance. His sharp eyes drifted, recalling the promises he had made days ago. A burning sensation shot through his throat as his deep voice trembled and trailed off on the wind, "Brother...I promised you I would take you there. I'm sorry... that I couldn't keep my promise."

 

Moisture streamed down his cheeks. Phop took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions, but no matter what, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing. For years, they had been falling. He merely put on a normal act to reassure those around him that he was alright, but in truth, his heart had never been healed. Time had not helped him get used to this pain. His love for Klao had never faded; it only grew stronger. Therefore, the pain remained as fresh as the first day Klao left him. This was perhaps a fitting punishment bestowed by fate upon him for his inability to protect his loved one. 

 

However, only here could his true feelings be revealed without upsetting others. So he allowed himself to break free, drinking silently for a long time, before waking up the next day to resume his duties as the respected Lord Wititphakdi. Time continues to move forward relentlessly. Now forty years old, entering middle age, he has almost half his life left since Klao left him, and it seems that soon he, too, will have to embark on a long journey.

 

"The Lord's condition has not improved since yesterday, sir."

 

The worried tone of the personal servant drifted into the ears of the person lying drowsily on the bed in their bedroom, affecting the patient. He struggled to open his eyelids against the light. Phop's body ached, felt weak, and trembled. He was so cold he could barely bear it, even with several thick blankets. And this was despite it being summer.

 

This picture shows him lying down with a fever after returning from assisting on official duty in Lopburi. At that time, he spent several days in the forest pursuing and apprehending a criminal. The malaria had returned. Although Ai Jom rushed to provide treatment and administered medicine immediately, the symptoms did not improve. Through his blurry vision, he caught sight of his friend's face. The lines of time on Ai Jom's face seemed more pronounced than he had remembered when their eyes met. Then, turning to Ai Kong, he said in a tense voice, "The fever hasn't gone down at all, Thawa."

 

"No, sir. This morning, he complained of a severe headache and vomited," Kong said, his voice trembling. He had served Khun Phop since childhood, and had never been so seriously ill, not even when he was shot almost twenty years ago. But this time, not only did his condition not improve, but his health deteriorated day by day. His face became gaunt, and he emaciated because he could barely eat. This time, he had a bad feeling about what was happening.

 

"Hey, Kong... you! Cough! Get out first!" Phop's voice was hoarse as he dismissed the servant, wanting to talk to his friend alone. After Kong left, Phop turned to look at Jom, who had slumped down onto the couch, clutching his pulse.

 

"You don't look well. My condition... *cough*... is probably beyond help."

 

"What are you talking about!" the herbalist said sternly, yet his eyes clearly trembled. "Do you not believe in my abilities?"

 

"I only...know my own limitations," the middle-aged nobleman replied in a trembling voice. His condition was critical. Even if Ai Jom were a miracle doctor, he couldn't defy fate. Everyone must die eventually, someday.

 

"The master... *cough cough*!!!"

 

"No need to speak anymore. I will prepare the medicine. Take it and go to sleep and rest." The herbalist’s stern voice was clearly tinged with urgency. Phop, who had stopped coughing, grabbed his friend's arm and asked calmly, "How much time do I have left?"

 

"I will help you," the herbalist said, refusing to answer the question, speaking more to himself, then rushed off to prepare the medicine for him, under the watchful eye of a patient looking backwards. The image conveys a profound understanding of the fear of losing a loved one; it's difficult to accept, yet ultimately, life must go on. Ai Jom feels the same way.

 

Herbalists face this truth more often than anyone else. While they save many lives, many others cannot defy fate. One day, he will come to terms with this parting, just as he has with all the others before. His friend was always strong. That night, Phop Phinsangkhan rose to write his will, dividing his assets among all his siblings appropriately. By announcing this will, the family members will likely realise how serious his condition is and need to prepare themselves. The next day, the younger brother of the picture invited their mother, who was now a nun, to stay at the house so that she could be close to her son in his final moments.

 

For many days after seeing his mother, Phop was not very conscious, hearing only faint conversations and the constant sound of crying around him, until one night, he felt a little more energetic. Knowing this was his last chance, he called out softly. His loyal servant rushed forward immediately.

 

"How is the Lord Abbot doing, sir?"

 

"Tonight..." Phop glanced out the window. The summer breeze blew into the room, caressing his cheek, reminding him of the touch of his lover.

 

"The moon...is beautiful. You think...it's for kids!"

 

"Your Excellency!" he exclaimed in alarm, getting up to fetch the others as he had been instructed.

 

"No," Phop said in a hoarse, laboured voice as he struggled to sit up. Kong rushed over to support him, his face filled with worry.

 

"B-but Lady [the Lady] instructed me to call her if you woke up--"

 

"...Don't tell my mother. I don't want to see her cry."

 

This time, it was his personal attendant who was crying. He was struggling to hold back his sobs until Phop gave a weak smile and said..."Hey, Kong, take me to Klao's room. In my final moments, I want...to be with him."

 

"Y-yes, sir," Kong said, sobbing as he spoke, but he followed the order, supporting his master to their destination. Once Phop had settled comfortably on the bed, he ordered Kong to leave and return the next morning. He had previously instructed his younger brother that in his final moments, he wished to have some time alone without telling his mother for fear of her disapproval. Ai probably won't be punished for his little act of self-indulgence this time.

 

Klao's clothes were still neatly folded on the bedside table beside him. Phop used his remaining strength to pull them close to his chest, even as his final moments drew closer. He remained unfazed and unafraid. Instead, he was glad that this suffering would finally come to an end. Although they may not have been destined to be together in this life, he carried a fervent hope that in his next life they would meet again. He prayed every night and day until the very end. This was the one lifelong wish deeply engraved in my soul.

 

'May we meet again. May I never forget his story. May my soul remember him forever.'

 

"If we were to meet again...that would be wonderful..." His murmuring voice drifted away with the heavy eyelids of Khun Luang Wititphakdi as he closed his eyes forever. His final thoughts were of the boy's face who captured his heart, a love that time could not take away. No matter how much time passed, Phop was certain that if they ever met again, his soul would always remember this feeling.

 

"P'Jom"

 

A soft voice from his lover made Jom, who was gazing at the bend of the river from inside the temple pavilion, turn his face towards the sound.

 

"By now, P'Phop must have met P'Klao, right?" 

 

Kaew asked casually. They had just gone to pay respects at P'Phop's ashes together, even though several days had passed since their childhood friend died of malaria, but both men were still deeply saddened.

 

"We were bound to meet again," said Jom, whose face had been gloomy for several days because he still couldn't accept that he couldn't save his friend. A faint smile flickered at the corner of Kaew's mouth as he let out a long sigh, then leaned his head against his husband's broad shoulder.

 

"That's right."

 

"I think even if they don't meet, Phop will eventually find Klao," Jom said, putting his arm around his lover's shoulder and smiling as well. Thinking of his close friend, "A person like him will never give up, no matter what he faces."

 

"I also hope they will meet again somewhere," Kaew said, reaching out to hold Jom's hand, intertwining their ten fingers, wishing them well in his heart.

 

If there is a next life, may the love between the two of them be filled with happiness and fulfilment, and may they never be separated again as in this life.