Love Upon A Time.

Undeniable Fate

Throughout his twenty-one years, Phop experienced love in many forms. He loved and revered his parents, cherished his siblings, and valued his friends. These were pure forms of love, devoid of any carnal desire, driven solely by the longing to see those he cared for happy. But recently, Phop had discovered a new kind of love, one that began to change the usually stoic young man. Before he knew it, he found himself yearning for that person with every breath he took.

 

As the afternoon drew to a close and the end of the workday approached, Phop had just finished patrolling the area. He walked into his department to report to his superior and give his daily briefing. After completing his report, he sat down to write his usual daily log. However, today, the young Muun's focus was not on his work as it usually was. Every time he tried to put pencil to paper, the events of the previous evening replayed in his mind. Phop could still vividly recall the light touch of his nose brushing against the soft cheek. And those inviting, trembling lips that were just a hand's breadth away from his own. These tempting obstacles made it hard for Phop to keep himself from smiling.

 

"Muun, Muun, sir?"

 

"...Yes, what is it?"

 

"Has something good happened? I've seen you smiling non-stop for a while now."

One of his subordinates, who'd been observing him, pointed out with a smile that Phop had failed to control his expressions. While he was writing his report, he probably caught himself smiling numerous times, which aroused others' curiosity.

 

"Something like that," he replied with a chuckle. His conversation partner clapped his hands in delight.

 

"I knew it! Smiling like that must mean it's about a lady. Which girl has caught your eye, sir?"

 

"...t's not like that," Phop denied with a smile, for it wasn't a lady who'd caught his eye but an adorable young man at his own house.

 

His subordinate continued to probe out of curiosity, but it wasn't the right time to reveal anything. Phop cut the conversation short and returned to his writing, though his thoughts frequently drifted to the person in his heart. Amid the sweet and enchanting feelings he'd experienced the previous night, there was also a lingering worry that troubled Phop.

 

The blushing cheeks and red ears should've been enough to confirm that Klao had feelings for him, too. However, despite the signs of shyness, Klao had also shown signs of rejection. This was evident from his attempts to avoid being alone with Phop for a while now. Whenever Phop spoke openly about his feelings, Klao would pretend not to hear. If it'd been the old Klao before he moved to Phichit, it might've been understandable, as he was usually reserved and kept his emotions hidden. But the current Klao was straightforward, speaking his mind. His constant avoidance and refusal to respond directly were strange. If Phop hadn't pretended to drown last night, he wouldn't have had the chance to get close...

 

"Oh, Phop, are you heading home?" A familiar, deep voice interrupted his thoughts as he walked towards the pier to return home. The young nobleman turned his gaze to see a colleague approaching. Phop nodded slightly in greeting before responding calmly.

 

"Yes, and you, Han?"

 

"I just got back from patrol and was about to report. Luckily, there were no troublemakers today, or I'd have a long report to write."

 

Muun Han sighed in relief as he mentioned the troublemakers, prompting Phop to recall something that had been. bothering him.

 

"Speaking of troublemakers, don't you think Cherd and his gang have been unusually quiet lately?"

 

Phop asked about something that had been on his mind for days. Although Pak Khlong Market was Cherd's usual haunt, he sometimes caused trouble in Phop's jurisdiction at least two to three times a month. Being a natural thug, Cherd was never without a fight. But recently, Cherd had been unusually quiet, which seemed odd to Phop.

 

"Well, his men were recently caught in an opium case. It's only to be expected for him to be cautious." Muun Han replied nonchalantly, not seeming too concerned. Phop hesitated for a moment, and when his colleague didn't add anything, he continued.

 

"And in your surveillance of Cherd, have you noticed anything else unusual?"

 

"No, nothing. From what my men and I have observed, he's just been drinking and carousing as usual. No signs of involvement in the opium trade."

 

"Is that so?" Phop's voice was filled with scepticism. Muun Han sighed and patted his shoulder.

 

"I know what you're thinking, Phop. I had my suspicions, too. But the men who were caught were new to the area, having recently moved from Sam Khok. It's possible they had connections to the opium trade elsewhere that Cherd didn't know about. The last one we caught from Sam Khok admitted he acted alone. So, I don't think Cherd is involved."

 

Han's lengthy explanation didn't ease Phop's doubts. It was too soon to conclude that Cherd had no part in it. The opium seized in Sam Khok, which his father and Han's father had personally investigated, was a significant amount. It was impossible for a small-time dealer to handle it alone, and even more unlikely that Cherd, as the leader, wouldn't know about his men's activities. Phop believed they were operating as a group, with someone powerful backing them. The large quantity of opium had managed to evade patrols and soldiers, reaching such a distance.

 

"I think we shouldn't jump to conclusions. We need to keep a close watch for a while."

 

"Of course, I won't let this slide. Don't worry, Phop."

 

The case handler laughed, but Phop still felt uneasy. Phop wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but he noticed that Muun Han didn't seem very invested in the

case. It was as if he were only catching small-time dealers without seriously investigating the source, even though most of the opium trade occurred in his jurisdiction. Phop couldn't intervene without orders, so he could only watch quietly.

 

"Oh, by the way, I saw Klao at the market today. He was visiting his lady friend."

Han changed the subject. A sudden surge of jealousy made Phop's face tighten, but he swiftly composed himself.

 

"It's normal to visit friends."

 

"More like bedmates, I'd say. Klao often visits Pim. Could it be that he's genuinely interested in her?" Han's casual speculation irritated Phop.

 

"I have to go now, Han. I have some urgent matters to attend to."

 

"Alright, go ahead, Phop."

 

Han smiled and bid him farewell cheerfully. Phop quickly walked away. When he reached the pier, he ordered Khong to take the boat back home, trying to calm his emotions during the ride. Previously, when they'd argued, Klao had said he went to Pak Khlong Market to talk to a friend. Phop wanted to believe they were just friends, but Klao's frequent visits to Pim made him increasingly anxious.

 

When he arrived home, Phop climbed the steps with a troubled heart. His sharp eyes scanned the surroundings, finding only his mother stringing garlands in the middle of the veranda. There was no sign of the person he was looking for. After greeting his mother and asking about Klao, he learned that Klao had gone out and hadn't returned, which only added to his frustration.

 

Love is a mysterious thing. For twenty-one years, Phop had always been a rational person. But when it came to the one he loved, emotions often took precedence over reason, and he had to constantly remind himself to be careful. He mustn't let his own thoughts lead him to take out his emotions on Klao. He mustn't make Klao sad again.

 

"Klao, are you back?" His mother's voice made Phop, who was frowning and sipping tea, look up immediately. He saw the slender figure walking up the steps with his servant.

 

"How was the market? Did you get anything?"

 

"Nothing much, Aunt Prayong. I just went out to see the sights."

 

The charming young man smiled politely at his mother but avoided Phop's gaze.

 

"I'll excuse myself. I feel sticky and need to take a bath."

 

"Alright, take your bath, and then come eat with us."

 

When Mother gave her permission, Klao gave her a wai respectfully and walked towards the bedroom. Phop set down his teacup, excused himself from his mother, and followed closely behind the slender figure.

 

"Klao."

 

"P'Phop, do you have something to say to me?"

 

Once they were out of sight from others, the younger one turned to face him. Although his expression was calm, Phop could see a slight nervousness in those dark eyes as he stepped closer.

 

"Did you go to Pak Khlong Market today?" he asked. The listener's expression didn't change at all as he nodded.

 

"Yes, I did."

 

"What did you do?"

 

"I visited a friend."

 

"The friend you're talking about is Pim, isn't it?" His voice sounded tense, betraying the jealousy in his words.

 

"Yes, I went to see Pim."

 

That answer felt like a nail being driven into an open wound, making Phop feel an inexplicable tightness in his chest. The man was at a loss for words for a moment, giving the slender figure a chance to cut off the conversation quickly.

 

"If you have nothing else to ask, I'll take my leave."

 

Klao turned his back on him and walked back into the bedroom. The sound of the door closing was accompanied by a sigh. Phop stood staring at the wooden door of his younger one's bedroom, feeling perplexed. The shy behaviour from yesterday clearly indicated that it was impossible for Klao to have no feelings for him at all. But why did he still visit Pim and distance himself, acting indifferent, like just now? Phop couldn't understand what Klao was thinking. Was he just confused, or was there another reason? Or was it because loving someone of the same sex was seen as abnormal by others, and Klao didn't want to accept him, instead aiming to form a relationship with Pim?

 

The sharp eyes of the young nobleman showed a grave expression. If that was the case, he couldn't let things remain unresolved any longer. He'd have to find a way to have an open conversation with Klao to clarify what he truly thought. Even though the anticipation of the answer made him anxious, Phop had seen that Klao had feelings for him. So, even if the answer wasn't what he hoped for, he didn't think he'd easily give up either.

 

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As soon as the door was closed and locked, I leaned back against it and let out a heavy sigh. Lately, I'd been sparing with my words or lying to him to avoid conversation, but what P'Phop asked just now, I didn't lie. I really did go to see Pim today. The purpose was to inquire about Cherd. Pim said that lately, he'd been quiet, not visiting the prostitute's house and using her services as often as before, so she didn't know much about his movements. I was quite disappointed with that answer because Cherd seemed to be the only clue to Klao's whereabouts at the moment.

 

"Before I disappeared, did Cherd say anything about me?"

 

"No, sir."

 

"And I didn't tell you where I was going?"

 

"No, sir."

 

When I asked Pim again, the answer was the same, which made me a bit annoyed with the real Klao. Why did he have to keep everything to himself? At least he should've told someone close to him where he was going and what he was doing. See? Now that something has happened, no one knows, and he's nowhere to be found.

 

"Mr Klao, I think maybe Cherd isn't involved with the opium issue. He's just a thug, but he's actually quite cowardly. He doesn't want to get into trouble with the soldiers or the patrol."

 

Thinking about what Pim said before I left her place, my eyebrows furrowed tightly. If I hadn't dreamed that Cherd mentioned 'him,' I might've believed it. But because I knew from the dream, I couldn't easily dismiss my suspicions about Cherd. It might sound strange that I took my dreams so seriously, but my instincts told me that what I dreamt about was real. Klao might've been investigating the opium matter and found it linked to Cherd, so he left to do something. It's highly likely that Cherd is the reason Klao disappeared.

 

The nerves at my temples throbbed from thinking all day. I closed my eyes and sighed wearily. Since I was born and grew up until I was twenty, I'd faced many difficult situations, but now I felt like I was facing the hardest thing in my life: finding a way back to the present, which seemed impossible, and trying to get over someone. The more I thought about it, the more I realised it was more troubling than finding Klao. Yesterday's incident, in which P'Phop pretended to drown, revealed that I had feelings for him. So, I had to avoid him, act indifferent, and make him think I didn't care, hoping he'd stop following me. But after three months together, I knew it wouldn't be easy.

 

P'Phop is a determined person who's true to his thoughts. He even confronted his parents to cancel his engagement with a woman's family. With me, he mightn't give up easily either, and that's something that pained me. Because he thought I was someone else, he liked Klao, who was like his younger brother, not Nakun, a third- year university student. And I couldn't tell him who I really was. All I could do was avoid him as much as possible and find Klao so I could go home. But how long would it take to find him? A week, a month, or a year? My heart wasn't strong enough for that...

 

The gentle breeze and the golden light from the setting sun streamed through the slightly open window into the room. I opened my eyes again, grabbed a cloth to change, and prepared to take a bath before dinner, making a firm decision. It didn't matter if he liked Klao or me. Both Klao and I agreed that this shouldn't happen. It's better not to start at all. It's better to endure the pain now rather than have this relationship cause more harm in the future.

 

Before, I always avoided answering when P'Phop asked if I was deliberately avoiding him. But now, I clearly avoided him, not caring how others saw it. Even though P'Phop tried to find ways to be alone with me, I cut off his chances by staying in my room. When he used the excuse of testing my knowledge from books, I claimed I had a headache and wanted to rest. P'Phop seemed quite frustrated, but he was calm enough to hide it from others and gave me a reproachful look instead. He didn't know how hard it was for me to stay strong like this, but I had to do it for both of us. Just this morning, P'Phop almost found a chance to pull me aside to talk if Khong hadn't run in with urgent patrol business. P'Phop had to let go of me and go to work while I sighed in relief.

 

"Mr Klao, are you angry with Muun?" Chuay, who seemed to have been observing for a while, asked me after lunch one day.

 

I paused slightly and asked back, "Why do you think I'm angry with him?"

 

"Well, Mr Klao... you seem not to want to talk to him."

 

"I'm not angry with him. I just... never mind. Today, I'm going to visit Kaew. I haven't seen him in a while. Go prepare the boat."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

The servant didn't press further and swiftly went down to carry out the order. I walked to the kitchen, asked Aunty Muan to prepare some dessert to take as a gift, and then headed to the pier to set off.

 

Pun, my junior, came from a wealthy family. His parents held shares in numerous department stores and large hotels. When I travelled back to the past, someone who looked like Pun, named Kaew, was also from a prominent family. Kaew's father held the title of Ok-phra in the City Guard Bureau, and Kaew was the youngest son, doted on by everyone in the household. Compared to other men of this era, Kaew seemed more delicate, so I often heard whispers about the

youngest son of Ok-phra being weak and unmanly. However, that didn't bother his parents. On the contrary, they loved and cherished Kaew like a precious gem.

 

"P'Klao." A gentle voice called out as soon as I stepped onto the veranda. Kaew, who was sitting in the pavilion, quickly stood up and walked to greet me with a face that didn't seem as bright as usual, which surprised me.

 

"Did you come to visit me?"

 

"Yes, I brought some dessert for you. Are you feeling unwell?" I asked with concern. The listener shook his head and gave a faint smile that looked to me like a sad one.

 

"I'm fine. You must be tired from the journey. Let's sit and eat dessert in the pavilion. It's cooler down there." Kaew pointed to a small pavilion in the garden. I followed behind, secretly observing the pale face of the other man. Kaew looked noticeably more worn out than the last time we met. The dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced, and his once full cheeks had sunken. He looked like someone who'd just recovered from an illness or was so sick that he couldn't eat properly.

 

After the servants brought the tea set and snacks arranged on plates, I started the conversation. "You don't go out much these days, do you? I didn't see you at the market, so I thought I'd drop by."

 

"I don't really feel like going out," he replied in a weary voice. His eyes, which once shone brightly like the midday sun, were now clouded with sadness as if overshadowed by rain clouds. The once cheerful boy had changed so much; something must've happened.

 

"And how are you? Are you well?" he asked.

 

"I'm fine." I placed my empty cup down. Kaew's delicate hand lifted the teapot to pour more tea. I couldn't bear to see his gloomy face, which looked so much like my junior, so I asked again.

 

"Kaew, are you sure you're okay? You don't look well at all."

 

His hand, which was pouring tea, paused in mid-air. Kaew went silent for a moment before setting the teapot down and letting out a deep sigh.

 

"I lied to you at first. I'm not feeling well at all. I... I'm heartbroken."

 

"Heartbroken?" The unexpected response made me raise an eyebrow. Kaew nodded, a sad smile appearing on his face.

 

"Yes, not long ago, P'Jom ended things with me. He never really accepted me, but this time he was... definitive. So, I'm sad."

 

I sat in silence, unsure how to comfort him. I'm not good at giving advice or consoling others. My own experience with love was recent and unfulfilled, but our situations weren't that different.

 

"You might think I'm a lunatic," Kaew mumbled, "I know it's strange for me to like a man instead of a woman."

 

"I don't see anything lunatic about it. Men or women, we're all human. One person liking another isn't strange at all," I argued calmly. Kaew's round eyes widened slightly before he laughed softly, a genuine smile spreading across his face for the first time today.

 

"Do you know, P'Klao, you're the first person to say that to me? Others think I'm insane and bring shame to my family. I feel guilty, but at least my parents don't care about those words. I'm very lucky..."

 

The last part seemed like a lament to himself, and I understood Kaew's feelings well. In the past, being someone who loved the same sex meant facing a lot of scorn. Kaew had been through a lot. He wasn't even twenty yet and was smaller than me, but he seemed much stronger. At least he had the courage to follow his heart.

 

"But even if I liked women, if she didn't like me back, I'd still be just as heartbroken."

 

The tremor in his voice made me reach out and gently squeeze his shoulder in sympathy. In the three months I'd known them, there were times I felt P'Jom seemed particularly concerned about Kaew. He'd complain about being annoyed, but still let Kaew follow him everywhere. He'd even escort him home at night, even though Kaew was a man with servants to look after him. The way he looked at Kaew when Kaew wasn't aware seemed unusually gentle. It might've been just brotherly care or something deeper, but the fact remained that P'Jom had decisively rejected Kaew. He chose not to pursue that kind of relationship.

 

"P'Klao, isn't it funny that it's been almost a month, but I still think about him? Even though he never... never looked at me once."

 

"No, it's not. You like him a lot, don't you? The more you like someone, the more it hurts." I rubbed his small shoulder to comfort him. "It hurts now, but with time, it will get better."

 

"That's true..." Kaew murmured. I tried to distract him by suggesting he eat some dessert. He picked up a piece and chewed it absentmindedly as if he couldn't taste it.

 

"But you know, P'Klao, if I could go back in time, I'd still follow him and court him the same way." His words made me look at him in surprise.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I really like him. I've liked him since we were kids. If it wasn't P'Jom, I can't think of anyone else I could like. At least now, even though I'm sad, it's because I tried."

 

"...Even knowing it wouldn't work out, you'd still do the same?"

 

"Yes. Being sad because you tried and being sad because you never had the chance are very different. Even though I'm disappointed in love, I have no regrets because I gave it my all."

 

The young man smiled slightly and took another bite of his sweets while I sat there, lost in my thoughts. He was right. Despite the hardships he faced, Kaew remained a strong and optimistic young man. I didn't have that kind of courage. I was afraid of many things-that Phraya and Aunt wouldn't accept it, that P'Phop would become the target of gossip, and most of all, that if I accepted it and we had to part, it'd hurt even more. Even though it was already hurting now.

 

"And you? If it were you, what would you do?" Kaew inquired.

 

"...I don't know," I lied with a forced smile, even though I already had an answer in my heart. I admitted to myself that I was a coward. There were many factors that made it impossible for me to do what Kaew did.

 

"Sigh, it's hard to decide. I wish you the best, P'Klao. If you love someone, I hope it works out. Don't be disappointed like me."

 

Kaew beamed, looking more like the cheerful young man I knew, which reassured me that he was strong enough to get through this.

 

We chatted until evening, and Kaew invited me to stay for dinner. I didn't want to face P'Phop anyway, so I agreed. By the time we finished dinner and said our goodbyes, the sky was already dark.

 

"Have a safe journey back, P'Klao."

 

Kaew waved as he saw me off at the pier. I waved back, watching his small figure standing there until he turned and walked back to his house. Honestly, talking to someone who looked like someone I knew made me miss home even more. But at the same time, I felt a pang of sadness because I'd grown attached to them. If I returned to the present, I wouldn't see them again. Why does fate have to play such a cruel joke on me?

 

Travelling by water at night was different from during the day when boats passed by frequently. The surroundings were silent, with only the sound of the paddle breaking the water. I sat quietly, letting my thoughts drift, until I saw Phraya Pichaipakdee's house in the distance. I squinted to see better. The light from the torches and lanterns on the pavilion revealed someone sitting there, making my heart race.

 

"Isn't that Muun?" Chuay remarked. I sighed, knowing what was coming. P'Phop must've been waiting for me. This was going to be tough. How could I avoid this?

 

"Why are you sitting here?" I asked as I stepped onto the pavilion, trying to keep my face neutral as if I didn't know his intentions.

 

"Chuay, go wherever you want." He ignored my question and addressed my servant instead. I briskly glared at Chuay, silently telling him not to leave. Chuay looked nervous, glancing between the stern-faced P'Phop and me.

 

"I... I'll take my leave," Chuay said, clearly more afraid of having nowhere to sleep than anything else. He gave me an apologetic look before quickly leaving. I pursed my lips, watching my servant leave with a sense of betrayal. Nowadays, he listens to others more than his own master, huh? Whose servant is he again?

 

An awkward silence fell over us as I stood alone with P'Phop. I forced myself to meet his intense gaze, but after a moment, I had to give in. I couldn't handle the silent standoff, so I spoke first.

 

"Let's go inside. It's late, and the dew is falling. There are a lot of mosquitoes, too. We might get sick."

 

"If we go inside, you'll avoid me again, won't you?" he asked, his voice full of reproach. I lowered my eyes, standing still as P'Phop stepped closer and grabbed my hand tightly.

 

"If I hadn't waited for you today, I wouldn't have had the chance to talk to you like this, would I?"

 

"P'Phop, let go of my hand." I tried to pull away, but he yanked me closer. Before I could react, his arm wrapped around my waist.

 

 "P'Phop, let go! Someone might see-"

 

"I don't care. Let them see. Right now, I only care about what's wrong with you. Why don't you want to talk to me?"

 

The officer's voice was so stern and serious that I, struggling in his embrace, had to stop resisting

 

"Klao, you know, don't you?"

 

The question made me turn my face away.

 

"Know what?"

 

"Know how I feel about you."

 

"..." I refused to answer. P'Phop then reached out and gently lifted my chin so our eyes met. I saw my face reflected in his dark eyes, filled with longing and pleading. My face suddenly felt hot, and my heart pounded uncontrollably.

 

"If you didn't know, you probably wouldn't avoid me. And when I hold you like this, you won't blush."

 

Damn it, why am I losing my composure like this?' I cursed myself inwardly. P'Phop took my silence as an answer. He exhaled and continued.

 

"I don't know when it started, but now I can't take my eyes off you. I want to be near you, take care of you, and be by your side forever."

 

His voice was filled with conviction in every word, making my body feel warm all over. His sharp eyes seemed to have a spell, making me weak and unable to resist.

 

"Klao..." P'Phop leaned his forehead against mine and whispered softly. "I no longer see you as a younger brother but as a man I want to spend my life with until my last breath."

 

The whole world went silent. The only thing I could hear was my own heart beating wildly. Even though I already knew, hearing it directly from him had a stronger impact than I expected. All my feelings surged up at once. I couldn't tell if I was happy, surprised, or worried.

 

"And you?"

 

"How do you feel about me?"

 

He asked amid my stupefaction. I paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and forced myself to look up to answer. But when our eyes met, all the words I'd prepared vanished. P'Phop's sharp eyes moved down to focus on my lips. I swallowed hard. It's probably because we were so close that I ended up staring at his lips, too. At that moment, my consciousness was forgotten. It felt like there were only us in the world, no boundaries, no rules, no reasons anymore. So when his lips pressed against mine, I closed my eyes willingly.

 

The unfamiliar softness touched my trembling lips lightly. At first, it was gentle, like a feather brushing past and then pulling away. But a moment later, he pressed his lips down again, deeper this time.

 

"Mm.." I flinched slightly when one of P'Phop's large hands moved to hold my chin and pressed his lips down harder. The sound of the passionate kiss echoed in the silence. As time passed, the person in front of me became more demanding. P'Phop nibbled and pressed my lips repeatedly until I felt dizzy. I parted my lips, trying to catch my breath, but that only allowed his hot tongue to slip in and entwine with mine. The low moan in his throat showed his satisfaction, making my face burn. My hands unconsciously gripped his shirt tightly as I awkwardly responded to his hunger. This was my first kiss, and I never thought it could be both gentle and intense like this...

 

I don't know how long we kissed before P'Phop switched to softly kissing the corners of my mouth and finally pulled away. I looked up at him, my face flushed, and saw that his sharp eyes clearly showed a certain desire.

 

"Klao, I'll tell you again."

"That I... love you."