Love Upon A Time.

Mission of the Worried Mind.

This was another morning when I woke up with a heavy heart.

 

"Klao."

 

"...Yes?"

 

"What's troubling you?" the deep voice whispered. P'Phop's dark eyes were filled with clear concern as he looked at me sitting beside him at the breakfast table. I usually had a huge appetite at every meal, but this time, I was lost in my thoughts, completely forgetting about the delicious food in front of me.

 

"Nothing," I replied with a faint smile, not looking at him, and took a bite of rice. Even though I tried to avoid eye contact, P'Phop's gaze remained fixed on my face.

 

"Are you sure you're not feeling unwell?" P'Phop didn't just ask; he reached out to feel my forehead. The warm touch of his rough hand made my heart skip a beat, and I quickly turned my face away.

 

"I'm really fine, just a bit sleepy," I assured him. Only then did he back off. I glanced around the breakfast table, noticing the host's absence, as Phraya had official duties in Sam Khok. I glanced at P'Phop, who was now focused on his meal, silently praying he'd finish quickly and head to work.

 

"Mother, I'm leaving now."

 

"May you be blessed and travel safely, my child. I'll be going to the temple to offer some monk robes."

 

"Yes, Mother." P'Phop smiled. They exchanged a few more words before Khun Ying Prayong called the servants and left the house. P'Phop, who was supposed to go to work, said he forgot something and headed back to his room.

 

I sat down on the bench in the middle of the veranda, intending to wait until everyone had left before attending to my own matters. However, when Mr Officer came out of his room, he walked straight towards me.

 

"Klao," P'Phop called. He sat down close to me, so close that our shoulders almost touched. His concerned eyes made my heart race. I found myself unable to meet his gaze, so I glanced at him briefly and tried to keep my voice steady as I asked, "Aren't you going to work?"

 

"I'm about to, but I wanted to talk to you first." His large hand reached out to hold mine. Chuay, who was sitting not far away, widened his eyes slightly. Khong, P'Phop's personal servant, blinked in surprise. If even the close servants reacted this way, there was no doubt others would be shocked, too.

 

"P-please let go of my hand." I looked around nervously, afraid someone might see us. But his rough, tanned hand only tightened its grip.

 

"Let them see if they want," He replied nonchalantly.

 

Seeing that P'Phop had no intention of letting go, I needed to end this conversation at once. 

 

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

 

"These past few days, you've been avoiding me. Do you not want to see me?" His deep voice carried a hint of hurt, softening my heart. It was true. By now, it was obvious how we felt about each other. It wasn't good at all. If it were just my one-sided feelings, I could manage because there was no hope. I was confident I could control my emotions. But P'Phop's advances made it harder for me to let go. Why do I need to let go? For the same reason as Klao, I don't want him to be gossiped about. Besides, one day, I have to leave. It is better to cut ties early and not form any bonds or feelings so that when the time comes, no one will be hurt. But the problem is that P'Phop isn't cooperating

 

"Did I do something to upset you? Tell me."

 

"No," I evaded, trying to gently pull my hand away.

 

"Then why are you avoiding me?" He tightened his grip, not letting me go. His sharp eyes stared into mine as if trying to read my thoughts. He was too close. Luckily, besides Chuay and Khong, there were no other servants around. Otherwise, they'd have gossiped endlessly.

 

"P'Phop, you're imagining things. I'm not upset or avoiding you," I forced myself to meet his gaze, smiling to reassure him. His dark eyes still scrutinised me.

 

"P'Phop, you should go to work. You'll be late and get reproached," I said softly. Mr Officer hesitated for a moment but finally let go of my hand and walked down from the house. When P'Phop was out of sight, I let out a long sigh. From the first time I met him, I knew he was hard to handle. Now, it was even harder, maybe ten times more. I needed to leave here before things got out of hand. I had to focus on finding clues and stop getting distracted.

 

"Chuay."

 

"Yes, Mr Klao."

 

"Can you take me to the old house?"

 

"The old house of Ok-ya, sir?" The servant asked curiously.

 

I nodded, waiting a moment for P'Phop's boat to leave before leading Chuay down to the dock to our destination. I still had the key to that house because some belongings were left there. Phraya had given me the key in case I wanted to retrieve anything without waiting for him. I wanted to return to that house because I had many dreams last night. It was another night of restless sleep. In fact, this time was worse than ever. 

 

The scene in my dream started at a liquor shop in Pak Khlong Market. I saw everything through Klao's eyes, feeling that I wasn't very conscious at the time. While sitting alone, drinking at the corner table, I saw Cherd and his gang walk in, noisily ordering drinks.

 

"Cherd, have you heard the news from Phichit?"

 

The raspy voice of one of his henchmen caught my attention, making me look up from the bottle in front of me. From where I sat, I saw Cherd with his back turned, drinking and talking loudly.

 

"What news?"

 

The news about Luang Yokkabat from Phichit being accused of taking bribes! He was caught before the trial, beaten severely, and later died at home. It's the talk of the town."

 

That could only be my father. My hand tightened around the liquor cup. I took another swig, trying to ignore the unpleasant news. But the next sentence made me freeze.

 

"Those who don't know their place end up like this. A weak fool trying to resist deserves to die. Ha ha ha!"

 

The ceramic cup almost shattered in my hand. Despite shaking with rage, I remained seated, waiting to hear what else they'd say.

 

"How can ants resist a lion? Even in the capital, no one can oppose him.' Let alone faraway Phichit."

 

"I agree. But I heard Luang Yokkabat's son has returned to the capital and is under Ok-ya Pichaipakdee's care. "

 

"Troublemakers naturally associate with each other. I heard that Luang Yokkabat's son has become a disgrace. The son can't be much different from a foolish father like that."

 

That was the last straw. I walked straight up and punched Cherd in the face without hesitation. The shop owner shouted. Chairs and tables were overturned, but I was too enraged to care about anything else. I just wanted to avenge the insult to my family.

 

I was dragged away by the patrol and spent half a day in a cell. It was P'Phop who bailed me out and took me home. His disappointed eyes hurt me deeply. But at that moment, there was something else on my mind besides my unrequited love. It was Cherd's mention of someone important. I knew my father, a man of integrity and honour, would never break the law. But at that time, all evidence pointed to him taking bribes. I always believed he was framed, but had no proof. Until I heard Cherd's words, I thought this might involve someone powerful, and he might know who was behind my father's downfall.

 

The dream shifted again. The images were faded and fragmented this time, like a TV with poor reception. I stood alone in the bedroom of the old house, my hands clenched tightly. I felt a crumpled piece of paper in one hand. Strangely, I didn't know what Klao was thinking, but I sensed a mix of anger, grief, determination, and a deep, sorrowful longing. I stood there for a long while before closing my eyes and opening them again. I walked to the cabinet, took a knife, and tucked it into my waist. Then, I pushed the door open and stepped out of the room with a resolute decision.

 

"Mr Klao, where are you going?" As soon as I stepped over the threshold, Chuay ran up to me, looking alarmed.

 

"I'll go wherever I want."I glared at my servant. The young man seemed to shrink, bowing his head in fear. Seeing this, my gaze softened a bit. This boy had been with me since birth, faithfully serving me. Even now, married with a family, he continued to serve me. As the head of his family, Chuay had people to care for, unlike me, who had no one left. I had nothing to worry about.

 

"Chuay."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"I order you not to follow me. If you disobey, I'll whip you severely."

 

"Y-yes, sir." He responded fearfully. I gave him one last stern look before heading down the stairs, not looking back.

 

"Mr Klao... Mr Klao, sir." Chuay, who was rowing the boat, snapped me out of my thoughts.

 

"What is it?"

 

"We've arrived, sir."

 

I looked around and saw that the boat had stopped at the riverside pavilion of the old house where I'd stayed for a few days. I stepped out of the boat and headed towards the house, with Chuay following closely after tying the boat.

 

"Why do you want to come here, Mr Klao?"

 

“I just wished to check something," I mumbled as I walked up the stairs towards the bedroom. Honestly, I couldn't give Chuay a clear answer as to why I came back here. The main reason was a dream I had last night. I just felt there might be something here, so I followed my instincts.

 

One thing I didn't understand was why the longer I stayed here, the more I dreamt about Klao. Initially, the dreams were vague, and I could barely remember them upon waking. Now, they were clearer than ever, with vivid images, sounds, and feelings, though fragmented, making it hard to piece together the story. But it made me understand why Klao suspected Cherd. 

 

Despite being a notorious thug, Cherd had survived and was rumoured to be involved with opium, though the patrol couldn't find enough evidence to convict him. Even what Klao had heard wasn't substantial. Klao needed to find proof and uncover who was backing Cherd. 

 

Chuay and I stepped over the threshold into the bedroom where I'd once stayed. The room now only had large, dusty furniture, as it was unoccupied. The bed was without a mattress, and the wardrobe was empty. I inspected the room, knocking on the floor and walls, hoping to find a hidden compartment or something. I asked Chuay to help, but after nearly an hour, we found nothing.

 

"What are you looking for, Mr Klao?" Chuay, who'd sneezed multiple times from the dust and was sweating, asked me as I stood there, feeling hopeless.

 

"...I don't know. Never mind, let's go back," I sighed, speaking wearily. I decided to return to the boat. Maybe I remembered it wrong, or perhaps Klao had taken the paper with him, which was why I couldn't find it...

 

On the way back, I looked at Chuay, who was rowing the boat again, feeling a bit sorry for him. Besides taking care of me, the young man also helped the other servants and took turns looking after his child with Sai. He barely had any rest. So, I didn't want to bother Chuay too much when I went out. But the problem was, I couldn't row a boat, and I didn't want to trouble the other servants. I wasn't comfortable with them. That's why I decided to learn how to row a boat myself, so I wouldn't rely on Chuay so often.

 

"Chuay, don't go back to the house yet. Let's go to the temple first. I want to pay my respects to the Buddha," I said as the boat neared Phraya Pichaipakdee's house. Chuay complied and rowed past the house. It didn't take long for us to arrive at the family's temple. Even at noon, there were still people making merit. 

 

I left Chuay to watch the boat and walked in, lighting incense and candles to worship the Buddha, though my mind was still restless. But being at the temple and hearing the chanting calmed me down a bit. After paying my respects, I went to sit in the pavilion where people were listening to a sermon. The monk giving the sermon looked like my Luang Ta. When the sermon ended, and people started leaving, I crawled over to pay my respects to him.

 

"Klao, did you come alone today?" His compassionate tone made my throat feel tight.

 

"Yes." I forced a polite smile. I hadn't visited him because seeing someone who looked like my family made me miss home even more. But now, I was truly at a loss and needed some spiritual support.

 

"You don't look well. What's troubling you?" The old monk's eyes showed concern. I had many things I wanted to tell him, but feared it'd be too burdensome. So, I swallowed my feelings and asked directly.

 

"Luang Ta, will I ever return to where I came from?"

 

The old monk chuckled softly, his wrinkled hand patting my head. The touch was familiar, making me miss my Luang Ta deeply.

 

"You came here to ask this question, huh? Do you want to go back?"

 

"..Yes," I hesitated, my voice tinged with uncertainty, even surprising myself. Of course, I longed to return to the present, but as I was about to answer, P'Phop's face flashed in my mind, weakening much of my resolve.

 

"I can't answer that. Everything has its time. Returning is fate; not returning is fate. Meeting someone is also fate."

 

"..."

 

"Thinking too much will only bring unnecessary suffering. Live in the present and do what you won't regret in the future."

 

"Okay," I mumbled. Luang Ta sprinkled holy water on me, blessing me with happiness. Then, a temple disciple helped him back to his quarters while I walked back to the riverside pavilion, looking up at the sky and sighing. Fate, huh...?

 

A thought suddenly struck me, making me stop in my tracks. It felt like an electric current ran through my body, leaving me stunned and my heart pounding loudly in my ears. Maybe I was here because Klao and I were deeply connected. But no, that couldn't be proven. I quickly dismissed the thought and hurried back to Chuay, who was waiting. But deep down, I knew it was a hypothesis I couldn't entirely dismiss. From someone who never believed in fate or destiny, I could no longer say I didn't.

 

When I returned to the house in the late afternoon, I found that Phraya had returned from his duties in Sam Khok and was chatting with Aunt Prayong, with a second wife massaging him. Seeing me, Phraya called me over for a chat over tea. We talked for about five minutes before someone tall walked up the stairs, diverting my attention.

 

"Phop, you're back."

 

"Father, did everything go well?" P'Phop, who'd just returned from his duties, greeted Phraya and sat next to me, deliberately moving closer until our shoulders almost touched. I briskly moved away, seeing P'Phop smile, unfazed by the presence of elders. I couldn't help but glare at him.

 

"It went well. We caught the main culprit. The patrol and soldiers confirmed that they were smuggling opium from the capital to Sam Khok. Despicable!" Phraya thumped his cane on the floor in anger. Hearing about opium, I perked up, momentarily forgetting how close P'Phop was to me and focusing on the conversation.

 

"Did they confess who supplied the opium?"

 

"They didn't. Even when Ok-phra Suntrapinit and I interrogated them, they remained silent."

 

"Just like the small-time dealers in the capital. So, we must assume the main supplier is the same." P'Phop said. 

 

P'Phop's words made me tense. If they assumed that, it was possible that the opium case in Phichit, where Klao's father was framed, involved the same supplier...

 

"This trip to Sam Khok was both fruitful and not. They operated so quietly that even the soldiers couldn't catch them."

 

"The soldiers often ask the patrol for help, especially in the Pak Khlong Market area, which is Han's patrol area. But there's been no progress."

 

"Then we must keep watching. One day, they'll slip up."

 

Phraya let out a heavy sigh as I began to fidget restlessly. Why? Because P'Phop had moved so close that he was practically pushing me off the bench.

 

"Phop, you're crowding Klao until he has no place to sit," Aunt Prayong scolded. The person next to me turned to look, seemingly just realising it, and moved away slightly.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

 

"...Yes," I replied through gritted teeth, glancing at him knowingly. You didn't mean to? You could barely hold back your smirk.

 

"Um... Uncle, Aunt, may I excuse myself to go downstairs for a moment?" I asked.

 

"Go ahead," Phraya permitted.

 

I quickly stood up and called for Chuay to follow me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw P'Phop's sly smile. I tried to keep my expression neutral as I walked down the stairs, my heart still racing. At first, he seemed so composed, but now he's as sly as a fox. Is he a cop or a crook?

 

"Where are you going, Mr Klao?" Chuay asked.

 

"I want you to teach me how to row a boat," I answered. Since I had some free time, I thought it would be good to find something to do before dinner.

 

"But... any of the servants can row for you."

 

"No, I want to learn how to. Who knows what might happen in the future? It's always good to have some skills," I said, quoting Phraya exactly. Chuay agreed without further argument.

 

I sat in the boat, listening to Chuay explain and demonstrate how to row. Even though I'd seen him row countless times, doing it myself was awkward. Moving the boat wasn't hard, just hold the paddle correctly, dip it in the water, and it'd move forward. But steering the boat was the tricky part.

 

"You need to twist your wrist and paddle through the water," Chuay explained as I frowned, repeatedly dipping the paddle in the water, trying to steer the boat to the opposite bank. The current was strong today, making it even harder. My boat spun in the middle of the water for nearly an hour before I started to get the hang of it.

 

"Chuay!" a woman's sharp voice called out as I was trying to steer the boat back. I looked up to see Sai, Chuay's wife, standing at the dock, pale-faced. I told Chuay to row back to the dock.

 

"Sai, what's wrong?" I asked.

 

"Jam has a fever. She's burning up, Mr Klao," the young woman said, looking like she was about to cry. Jambwas Chuay and Sai's daughter.

 

"Have you called the doctor?" I asked.

 

"Khong is going to get Mr Jom. I came to tell Chuay," she replied.

 

"Then go take care of your daughter," I told Chuay, who looked extremely worried

 

"A... Are you sure? And you, Mr Klao-"

 

"I'll practice by myself. You've taught me everything. I can swim, so don't worry."

 

"Thank you," Chuay said, giving me a grateful wai before running back with Sai to the servants' quarters. I returned to practising rowing in the middle of the water.

 

The sun was setting, and it was getting close to evening. I was starting to get the hang of rowing and planned to practice for another ten minutes before heading back for dinner. But as the boat drifted near the dock, I suddenly felt something heavy hit it, rocking it to the right, followed by a splash and something emerging beside me.

 

"Whoa!" I almost hit the intruder with my paddle out of instinct, but stopped just in time. The remaining sunlight revealed what had grabbed the boat, and I shouted in surprise.

 

"P'Phop!"

 

"It's me," the name owner confirmed. His tanned skin glistened with water droplets, reflecting the sunset. His wide smile, showing perfectly white teeth, made him look even more striking. But for me, it only made me want to hit him.

 

"What are you doing? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" I yelled, rubbing my chest to calm myself.

 

"Why are you so scared? I'm not a ghost. How could there be ghosts in broad daylight?" he said lazily.

 

"It's dusk, not broad daylight. How was I supposed to know if it was a person or a ghost? You just popped up like that," I muttered, glaring at him. But he just kept smiling, resting his arms on the side of the boat and looking up at me. 

 

“I came to bathe and saw Chuay teaching you to row. Why don't you say you want to learn this? I can teach you."

 

"No, thank you. I don't want to bother you," I replied, turning away from his gaze. The initial shock had worn off, replaced by nervousness. I was already flustered when he was fully clothed, and now he was half-naked, clinging to the boat. I didn't know how to react.

 

'If it's about you, I don't consider it a bother," he responded. The setting sun cast a glow on his eyes, making them look even more tender. He reached out and held my hand, causing my heart to race again, even faster than before.

 

"Go ahead and bathe. I'll dock the boat," I said, avoiding his eyes. He was silent for a moment before speaking softly.

 

"You really don't want to be near me, do you?"

 

"..."

 

I remained silent, unable to find the words. The truth was, I did want to be near him. Who wouldn't want to be close to someone they liked? I was happy that we felt the same way, but there were many reasons why I had to distance myself. He probably didn't know how much it hurt me to do this.

 

"PPhop.. please let go of my hand," I mumbled, looking down at my feet. There was no response, but I felt the weight beside me disappear. I looked up at the water, expecting to see him swimming back to shore, but the water was still.

 

"P'Phop," I called, my brows furrowing with worry. I looked around but saw no sign of him, making me increasingly anxious.

 

"Stop playing around. This isn't funny," I said, still getting no response. My anxiety grew with each passing moment, my mind racing with worst-case scenarios. What if he had a cramp and drowned?

 

"P'Phop! P'Phop!" I shouted, turning in every direction, my voice filled with panic. When there was still no answer, I cursed loudly.

 

"P'Phop! Damn it!"

 

Splash!

The last light of the day faded as I jumped from the boat and dived into the dark water. I searched desperately, trying to find him in the poor visibility, but there was nothing around me but emptiness. I swam up and down, my heart pounding with worry. Nothing. No matter where I looked, there was nothing...

 

Running out of air, I surfaced, looking around frantically. Still no sign of him, and I felt my face go pale, on the verge of tears.

 

"P'Phop! P'-Ah!"

 

"Are you calling for me?" a deep voice whispered in my ear. I was pulled into a strong embrace. I instantly turned to see the person I'd been searching for. His muscular arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close until our noses almost touched. The warmth of his body contrasted with the cold water. While I was flustered and flabbergasted, his sharp eyes sparkled with amusement at our precarious situation. He was only wearing a loincloth, and I was soaked, my clothes clinging to my body, offering no barrier between us. When he leaned in closer, I was completely captivated by his dark eyes.

 

"You do care about me. So why do you ignore me and avoid talking to me?" he asked, snapping me back to reality. My embarrassment and shock vanished, replaced by uncontrollable anger.

 

"Let go," I uttered coldly, trying to push him away. P'Phop looked slightly surprised but didn't release his grip easily.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"I said, let go!" I pushed him away forcefully and swam back to the shore, seething with anger. I was scared to death, thinking he had a cramp and drowned, only to find out he was pulling a prank. Who thinks it's funny to joke about life and death? It might be fun for some, but for me, this kind of joke isn't funny at all.

 

"Klao, Klao!" he called, grabbing my wrist as I climbed onto the dock. I shook him off and walked away, but he followed, blocking my path and grabbing my arm again.

 

"Move," I demanded.

 

"Are you mad at me?"

 

"Don't you think I have a right to be?" I snapped, trying to shake off his hand. P'Phop's face grew serious as he saw the anger in my eyes.

 

"You may find it funny to see me panic, isn't it? But for me, it's not fun at all. Do you know how scared I was when I thought you were drowning? Just now, I almost..."

 

I almost cried. The rest of the words stuck at the tip of my tongue. I swallowed them down, pushed him away, and walked off. But the bigger man lunged forward and hugged me from behind.

 

"Let me go," I tried to shake him off, but his strong arms held me tight, leaving no room for escape.

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't think it through. I didn't mean to play with your feelings." P'Phop spoke hastily as if afraid I wouldn't listen. The surroundings were silent, except for my heavy breathing and his continuous apologies.

 

"Because you didn't want to talk to me, I just wanted to tease you. I really didn't think it through. Please forgive me." His chin rested on my shoulder, his voice pleading. I exhaled heavily, trying to pry his hands off me.

 

"Fine, I forgive you this time. But don't ever joke like this again," I said, my tone softening slightly. He loosened his grip, and in the faint moonlight, I saw a gentle smile on P'Phop's lips.

 

"Were you that worried about me, afraid something might happen to me?"

 

"...You already know the answer." I pouted, looking away. Klao and P'Phop were as close as real brothers. It wasn't unusual for me, who was pretending to be Klao, to be worried and angry about his prank.

 

"Then, were your worries purely brotherly or something else?" He stepped closer, his voice playful. I tried to back away, but he swiftly grabbed my waist.

 

"P'Phop, let go. Someone might see."

 

"Answer me first. In what way are you worried about me?" His sharp nose brushed lightly against my cheek, leaving a warm sensation that made my face flush. The more I squirmed, the tighter he held me, and my heart pounded even harder.

 

"If you don't answer, I won't let go," he said with a sly smile.

 

"I'm worried as a brother," I replied, making him narrow his sharp eyes.

 

"I don't believe you."

 

"Then think whatever you want," I quickly cut him off, hoping he'd let go. My answer made him chuckle, and he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Then I'll think we feel the same way."

 

His husky voice sent a flutter through my stomach. Even though he finished his words, his warm lips and hot breath lingered near my ear. I stood frozen, knowing my face was as red as a tomato.

 

"Tell me I'm right."

 

"I... I'm going inside!" Overwhelmed, I pushed him away and hurried up the stairs. At this point, I couldn't keep my composure any longer, and it seemed he'd already figured out my feelings.

 

I quickly climbed the stairs, my clothes still wet. Luckily, I didn't run into Phraya or Aunt, so no one questioned what I'd been doing. I didn't join the others for dinner and asked a servant to bring my meal to my room, claiming a slight headache and wanting to rest early. The truth was, I couldn't face P'Phop again.

 

After finishing dinner, a knock on the door startled me. At first, I feared it was P'Phop coming to bother me again, but when I heard Chuay asking permission to take the dishes away, I opened the door to let him in.

 

"How's Jam?" I asked after Chuay took the dishes to the kitchen and returned.

 

"The fever has gone down. Mr Jom said it might have been from playing too much in the sun." The young man sighed with relief. I'd never been a father, but I could imagine Chuay's feelings; it must feel like a weight lifted off his chest.

 

"Go watch over your child. I'll be going to bed soon," I told him. Chuay gave me a wai and started to crawl out of the room, but then he hesitated and turned to me, looking uncertain.

 

"What is it?"

 

"Mr Klao, may I... ask you something?"

 

"Hmm?" I raised an eyebrow. "What do you want to ask?"

 

"This evening, I saw you with Muun... um..."

 

His awkwardness made me realise that if he hadn't seen P'Phop pretending to drown, he must've seen P’Phop hugging me before I went inside. Even if he hadn't seen it today, Chuay and Khong were our personal servants; they'd eventually have noticed something unusual.

 

"Mr Klao, I think... I think Muun might like-"

 

"It's not like that," I cut him off. And he fell silent.

 

"Let's not talk about this anymore," I ordered calmly. Chuay stammered an acknowledgement and left the room. Once the door closed, I let out a heavy sigh. If P'Phop and I had met at the right time, there would be no reason for me to deny my feelings. But this wasn't the right era or situation. I didn't want to be the cause of any gossip about him. Besides... I didn't even know who he really liked. He didn't know Nakun. He thought I was Klao.

 

The scent of ylang-ylang flowers wafted in through the slightly open window. A gentle breeze brushed against my skin as if trying to soothe my confused mind. I lay down on the bed, closing my eyes with the faint hope that when I opened them again, I'd see the ceiling of my own bedroom, not the wooden beams of this house.

 

I want to go home, start a new life, and leave everything here as just a memory.