Love Upon A Time.

A Part of Passion.

From a young age to adulthood, there was never a time when Phop considered going against his parents' wishes. If it wasn't something beyond his power, he'd do anything to repay those who gave him life. However, some matters couldn't be easily overlooked, especially if they'd bind him for the rest of his life...like love.

 

As soon as he walked up to the house, he found his parents sitting in the pavilion. Neither of them even glanced at him, completely ignoring his respectful greeting. His father struck the floor with his cane and stormed into the room, while his mother looked at him with disappointment and shook her head wearily. Their reaction to his insistence on following his own intentions wasn't unexpected. Phop knew well how much shame he brought to his father by refusing to be engaged to Wanna. 

 

It was no different from disgracing Phraya from the Bureau of the Royal Household and Wanna. However, he'd already considered that it shouldn't be allowed to drag on until it was beyond resolution, so Phop hurried to apologise to Phraya and Wanna at their house. He received quite a bit of reprimand, but after everything was explained, Phraya understood. No caring father would want his only daughter to live with a man who didn't love her. Thus, Phraya accepted the cancellation of the engagement.

 

"Wanna, I'm truly sorry," Phop bowed his head to the young woman who looked sorrowful. Though tears welled up in her eyes, she was strong enough to force a smile and forgive him. Phop felt quite guilty for making a young lady he always cared for as a little sister cry, but he preferred to wrong her now rather than let her live in misery for the rest of her life. He couldn't love Wanna because someone else had already captured his heart.

 

Phop would help his non-blood-related younger brother review reading and writing in the late afternoon on a public holiday. At this moment, he was watching Klao write vocabulary in a notebook, and Klao seemed very focused as he wrote down the words Phop dictated. Phop's eyes roamed over the adorable face, the determined eyes, the high-bridged nose with a soft curve at the tip, and the plump lips that pressed together slightly when thinking. All these features stirred the young man, who wasn't well-versed in love. The more time he spent close to Klao, the more his heart was overwhelmed by sweetness, to the point where he couldn't take his eyes off him.

 

"P'Phop."

 

"P'Phop."

 

The person in front repeated when he saw no response. Phop cleared his throat, feeling a bit embarrassed when he realised he'd been staring at the lovely face and hadn't heard the call.

 

"Are you done writing?"

 

"Yes." The slender hand slid the notebook over for him to check. Despite forgetting many things, Klao was still a quick learner. Now, there were no more misspelt words.

 

"Not a single mistake. Very good," he praised, receiving a bright smile in return. That sight made his heart race, causing him to look away.

 

"So, from now on, I don't need to learn reading and writing anymore, right?"

 

The question made the young noble pause. Phop slid the notebook back to Klao, who was looking at him expectantly, and spoke in a serious tone, "You don't need to learn reading and writing anymore, but you still need to read books to prepare for the civil service exam at the end of the year. And I'll call you for tests every other day.

 

"Oh no!" The younger one groaned, but it didn't make Phop think of easing up. In truth, he didn't want to force Klao to study hard; it was just an excuse to be close to him more often. It might be a bit selfish, but he couldn't think of a better excuse.

Once again, Phop secretly glanced at Klao's face. Even though he was pouting, it made him look more endearing. Phop knew it was quite insane to have feelings for another man instead of a woman, especially since that man was the son of his father's friend, whom he'd known since childhood. But he couldn't lie or deny these feelings either.

 

When did it start? Phop couldn't be sure. Maybe it was since childhood, suppressed by ignorance at the time. Maybe it was when they had to part ways, as his heart felt empty and longed for Klao's return. Maybe it was when Klao returned from Phichit, and his distant demeanour made Phop ache with heartache, as if he'd lost someone important forever. Or maybe it was the moment they locked eyes in that forest, the moment his heart raced, and he realised how happy he was to see Klao again. Whenever it started, Phop was now sure of his feelings. 

 

When Klao asked if he had someone in mind, he didn't answer because he feared Klao wouldn't feel the same. Moreover, Klao was involved with a prostitute. Phop didn't know if there was any room for him in Klao's heart. Even though Klao often avoided his gaze, he didn't dare to interpret it as shyness or affection. Many things made him unsure. Phop had no experience in love, so before saying or doing anything, he needed someone to advise him.

 

"Phop, you came to see me early today." His close friend walked out of the room with a sleepy face, even though the sun was already shining brightly. But Jom, the youngest son of Phraya of the National Treasury Department, had the privilege to wake up whenever he decided, without anyone daring to gossip.

 

"Not going to work today?" Phop asked as he sat down comfortably in the pavilion while the servants brought tea. He'd been playing at this house since he could remember, familiar with the servants. His parents were also close to Jom's, so he didn't feel much different from being at his own house.

 

"Give me a break. There have been many sick people at the hospital these past few days. I barely got any rest," Jom said while yawning widely. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Phop.

 

"But you, coming here early, you're not here to invite me for a drink, are you?"

 

"Actually, I need your advice on something." His words made Jom's thick eyebrows raise slightly. Phop wasn't one to share his personal matters with others much, even with close friends like Jom. It was rare for him to come seeking advice.

 

"What advice?" Jom inquired.

 

The young noble cleared his throat before speaking, "Have you ever... been attracted to someone?"

 

"What a strange question. We've been together since we were kids, haven't you seen?" His friend laughed at his introduction. Jom had a lot of experience courting others, which was why Phop chose to see him today.

 

"Jom."

 

"What?"

 

"When courting someone, how do you do it?"

 

"Cough!" The question made Jom choke on his tea. "What did you just say? Say it again."

 

"I asked how to court someone," Phop repeated, feeling a bit embarrassed. It was strange for a twenty-one- year-old man like him to ask such a question, but he wasn't experienced in love, and the person he fancied wasn't a woman. Phop didn't know how to court.

 

"Oh, is this why you refused the engagement with Miss Wanna? You already have someone in mind, don't you?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Who?"

"..'

 

"Who captured the heart of the serious Muun Phop? I want to see their face." 

 

Instead of answering, he was asked in return. Phop looked at his friend's curious face, took a deep breath, and said, "Klao. I fancy him."

 

The listener was visibly stunned. The initial curiosity turned into extreme shock.

"Klao... wait! Klao, who has played with us since we were kids?"

 

"Yes."

 

"But..." Jom looked around to make sure no servants were nearby, then turned back to Phop and lowered his voice, "But he's a man!"

 

"I know," he replied. Jom looked confused.

 

"Phop... you... like, men..."

 

"Is it so strange for me to fancy someone who isn't a woman?" Phop asked calmly. He wasn't taken aback by his friend's reaction. Although some men had such preferences, most people found it extremely peculiar for a man to like another man.

 

"No, you can like whoever you want. I won't interfere. But you know, if anyone finds out, it'll be the talk of the town." Jom said, concerned, and Phop understood his friend's good intentions. However, loving someone couldn't be controlled.

 

What if he liked men or women? Weren't men and women both human? Let people say he was insane if they want to. He cared only whether the person he desired felt the same. If he did like him, Phop would do everything to be with him. If not, he wouldn't force it.

 

"That might happen, but I've decided. I like Klao and want to court him," Phop declared firmly, making Jom sigh deeply.

 

"Do as you wish. But does that mean you don't know how to court someone?

 

".. Not exactly, but I'm not skilled in this. I need advice," Phop admitted, suppressing his embarrassment. Doctor Jom clapped him on the shoulder.

 

"Alright, I get it. Never liked anyone before, huh? Come on, listen up, little brother!" Jom poured tea into a cup, looking dignified and knowledgeable.

 

"First, observe what that person likes and dislikes, as well as their habits. You need to pay attention and ask about them often," his friend began advising. That wasn't hard. Phop had been close to Klao since they were kids, taking care of each other to this day. Some habits had changed, but not much overall.

 

"You and Klao have been together since childhood. You probably feel more like siblings than lovers. If you want to court him, be clear in your words and actions. Show that you don't just want to be siblings. Otherwise, Klao won't feel any change."

 

Jom was right. Maybe only his feelings had changed. He needed to show Klao the difference. Whether Klao would reciprocate was another matter.

 

"So, how do you think one should court a man?"

 

"That's the hard part. Courting women involves flowers, jewellery, and sweet words. For men, I don't think it's much different. Buy Klao what he likes." What does Klao like? He used to love books, but seems to enjoy food and sweets more. He also doesn't like staying home much. Maybe I should take him somewhere. Phop thought.

 

"Tease him a bit to see if he gets shy. But don't make him angry, or it's over," Jom added, sipping his tea.

 

"And when Kaew courted you, what did he do?"

 

Jom's face turned serious at that. He looked at Phop and spoke solemnly. "Don't bring that up."

 

Phop fell silent, understanding his friend well. Both he and Jom knew Kaew's feelings. The boy didn't see Jom as just a close brother. Jom never reciprocated, but didn't cut him off out of pity. At first, they thought Kaew was just a kid, and his feelings were just admiration, not love. But time proved otherwise.

 

"So, what will you do about Kaew?"

 

"I guess it's time to tell him the truth." Jom sighed heavily. Phop wasn't sure if that was genuine. Sometimes, he felt Jom cared too much for Kaew, but if Jom insisted he didn't feel more, it must be true.

 

They chatted about various things for a while until it was almost noon. Phop excused himself to return home. Jom walked him to the boat. As they approached the dock, Phop heard running footsteps.

 

"P'Jooooom!" The clear voice of the young man they'd just discussed rang out. Kaew ran up, holding a large food container, smiling brightly.

 

"Hello, P'Jom. Hello, P'Phop. What brings you here?"

 

"I came to visit Jom. And you? "What are you doing here?" Jom's abrupt tone surprised Phop. Jom had been in a good mood just moments ago. Why the sudden

change?

 

"I brought food for you. I made it myself, with all my effort." Kaew eagerly showed the container, but Jom remained indifferent.

 

"I don't recall asking for it."

 

"True, but I wanted you to taste my cooking. I even learned to cook just for you. Look, I cut my finger-"

 

"When will you stop doing this?" Jom's cold voice made Kaew's face fall. Phop was equally bemused. Jom was usually friendly and approachable, rarely angry. It'd been a long time since Phop saw him this harsh.

 

"P'Jom... Are you mad at me? What did I do wrong...?"

 

"Everything you do. I never wanted any of it. I've told you I see you as a brother. Why don't you listen?"

 

It was the first time Phop heard such hurtful words. Kaew's hands trembled, and his eyes filled with tears.

 

"Not even a little?" Kaew's shaky voice tugged at Phop's heart, but Jom's expression remained unchanged.

 

"Yes. I never liked you that way. I didn't want to say much before because you were young. But since you won't listen, I'll be straightforward. Stop bothering me."

 

"_.understand." It took a while for Kaew to speak. Though tears flowed, he wiped them away and took a deep breath.

 

"I understand that everything I did was in vain. I like you, even if you don't like me. But you see me as a nuisance, right? Fine. I won't bother you anymore." The more he spoke, the more he cried. Phop saw hesitation in Jom's eyes but chose to stay silent.

 

"L.. hic.. never thought you'd be this cruel. I shouldn't have liked you. Just wait. If there's a next life, I'll make you like me, and I won't even look at you!"

 

With that, his small figure ran off. Phop glanced at Jom, who still looked stoic. Even though he'd known Jom for a long time, he couldn't tell what his friend was feeling.

 

"Was that necessary?"

 

"Yes. Kaew needs to move on." Jom sighed deeply. Phop watched the young man run away, feeling a pang of sympathy. It was hard enough for two people to feel the same, even more so for a relationship between two men. Today, Kaew was heartbroken. What about him? How would Klao feel? Would their story end the same way? Phop couldn't know.

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

After several days, the tense atmosphere at Phraya Pichaipakdee's house began to ease. Phop's parents were quite angry when he personally asked to cancel his engagement. They refused to join meals for several days. But their eldest son was still the apple of their eye. Eventually, they softened and began talking to Phop again. Everyone else in the house was relieved not to feel like they were in a snowstorm anymore. Except for me, I felt even more tense.

 

"Where are you going?"

 

After lunch one afternoon, I walked out of my room, planning to go to the market. P'Phop, who was reading in the pavilion within the house, called out.

 

"I'm going to the market to buy toys for the servants' kids," I replied. Mr Officer put down his book and walked over.

 

"I'll go with you."

 

"Don't you want to rest at home on your day off?"

 

"Being with you is relaxing, too." His eyes seemed to sparkle as he said that, making my face heat up.

 

"Suit yourself." I avoided his gaze by calling for Chuay and headed down the stairs to the dock, with P'Phop following closely.

 

I don't know why, but lately, P'Phop has been acting strange. He insists on coming with me everywhere, staying close, bringing me sweets, and smiling at me for no reason during lessons. He also says things that make me overthink, like just now. I tried not to get my hopes up, but with the way he was acting, how could anyone not feel something? Sometimes I wonder if he's courting me. But didn't he like Klao? Why is he bothering me? Or is this just how he shows closeness? If so, it's anything but normal.

 

"Come on."

 

P'Phop, already in the boat, extended his hand to me as a support. I'd never taken his hand before, but since he kept doing this every time, I felt it'd be rude not to accept his kindness. This time, I reached out, took his hand, and stepped into the boat together. Mr Officer held my hand firmly. The warmth from his rough hand made me nervous, but it also felt comforting and secure. For a moment, I thought I wouldn't mind holding his hand like this for a while longer.

 

"P'Phop."

 

"Yes?"

 

"You can let go of my hand now." I glanced at his hand, which still held mine. He hesitated before releasing it, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.

 

"Your hand is soft, so I got carried away."

And then he said something like that...

 

"It's probably because I don't handle weapons as often as you do," I replied hastily, turning my back to him and sitting down in the boat. Even though we weren't touching anymore, the warmth lingered, making my heart race. Even without eyes in the back of my head, I could feel P'Phop's gaze on me the whole time.

 

If we don't count the first few times we met, P'Phop is usually a very gentle man. But now, I almost wish he'd go back to being wary and scolding me like before. Why? Because this isn't good for my heart at all.

 

When we arrived at the floating market, P'Phop instructed Chuay to guard the boat and walked into the market with me. On weekdays, the market was already bustling with shoppers, and on weekends, it was even more crowded. The chatter from both sellers and buyers filled the air, creating a lively atmosphere. We walked around, browsing the stalls, with people occasionally glancing our way. We stopped at various shops, both food and goods, and by the time we reached the toy shop, our final destination for the day, we'd spent quite a bit of money.

 

Since coming here, I've become more adventurous about going out. Without the internet in this era, there's not much to do, so I prefer going out rather than staying idle. However, the places to visit are limited to temples and markets. There are no malls, cinemas, parks, or amusement parks.

 

"Ugh..." I accidentally sighed loudly, catching the attention of the person next to me.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Just a bit bored," I admitted.

 

I've been here for three months now, and I've walked through every market so many times that I don't know where else to go. I want to see nature, but travelling isn't convenient. You can't go and come back in a day. That's the main downside of this era.

 

"Are you tired of the market? If I get a long holiday, how about I take you to Bang Lamung to see the sea?"

 

"Really?" My eyes widened with excitement.

 

Of course, I've been to the sea in Chonburi many times, but I'm curious about what the sea looked like in the past. How do the seaside villagers live? But one thing's for sure: there won't be food tents or horse-riding services on the beach.

 

"Really."

 

"You promised, so I'll thank you in advance," I smiled broadly, raising my hands in a wai. I don't know if I'll be here long enough to go to the sea, but if I do, it'll be a bonus.

 

"No problem, I'm happy to." Mr Officer beamed widely, and his smile made my heart race. How can someone look so handsome even when they're serious, and even more so when they smile? It's so unfair.

 

While I was picking up tiny clay pots to buy for the servant's kids, the noise around me suddenly died down. When I turned to look, I understood why. Cherd and his gang were walking into the market.

 

"Haha, look who it is."

 

As soon as Cherd saw me, he smirked and walked straight toward me. I sighed heavily, remembering my friend's words. It was just my luck to run into an enemy. This might be true; I've been really unlucky lately.

 

"Haven't seen you in a while. I thought you might've died at home, but you seem to be doing well and with Muun, too."

 

The way Cherd called P'Phop "Muun" sounded more mocking than respectful. The person beside me remained expressionless while my temple throbbed with anger.

 

"Where I go and with whom is none of your business," I replied curtly.

 

"I was just saying hello, no ill intentions." He said that, but his raised eyebrows and smirk showed he was evidently looking for trouble. Cherd sneered as he looked between us, his eyes making me uneasy.

 

"You two seem so close that I wonder if you're more than just unrelated brothers."

 

"What do you mean?" At this point, I was about to lose my temper. Cherd stepped closer, grinning widely as he successfully provoked me.

 

"Klao, haven't you heard the rumours?"

 

"...What rumours?"

 

"People are saying that you and this Muun are lovers."

 

My body went numb from head to toe as soon as I heard those words. Cherd deliberately spoke louder than usual to draw attention, and he succeeded. Now, whispers were rising around us.

 

In my world, same-sex relationships are no longer taboo. But in this era, it's the opposite. The severity is akin to a woman committing adultery and betraying her husband. It might even be gossiped about more harshly. No wonder people in the market were staring at me and P'Phop more than usual today. The source of the rumour must have been from the Songkran festival last month. But it's not true. P'Phop and I don't have that kind of relationship. I don't care how people see me because Klao's reputation isn't great anyway. But for P'Phop, he's a government officer. This kind of rumour could ruin his reputation. That's exactly what Klao is worried about.

 

"Shut your mouth," I growled, my body trembling with anger from the stares and whispers around us.

 

"And why should I listen to you?" Cherd laughed tauntingly. "I'm just saying. If it's not true, why are you so upset?"

 

I clenched my fists, my jaw tight, wanting to punch the source of the trouble who wouldn't stop talking. Meanwhile, P'Phop remained stoic, making it hard for me to read his feelings.

 

"Why are you so angry, Klao? I'm starting to wonder if it's because it's true."

 

"I told you to shut up!" I saw red and lunged at him, punching him square in the face. The surrounding crowd screamed. Cherd staggered back, clearly not expecting me to lose control. His eyes filled with vengeful intent.

 

"Klao! You!" He raised his fist to hit me back, but a sudden sound made him freeze.

 

"Get lost." The deep voice, barely containing fury, came from beside me. I turned to see P'Phop holding his sword, drawn from its sheath. His face no longer showed any gentleness, only simmering rage and boldness I'd never seen before. It left me stunned, almost forgetting my own anger.

 

"You're a patrol officer, drawing your sword on civilians. Isn't that an abuse of power?" Cherd spat on the ground, glaring at P'Phop with malice.

 

"Everyone saw who started it. If you don't want trouble, get lost. This is your final warning," P'Phop's voice was icy, sending chills down my spine. Cherd gave us one last hateful look before turning away, kicking over a nearby stall as he left. The vendors cursed at Cherd as he walked away. P'Phop sheathed his sword, and I noticed he was looking at me.

 

"You're too hot-headed," he said with a sigh, glancing at my hand. Does your hand hurt?"

 

"I'm fine," I lied, though it hurt quite a bit. I've never punched anyone before. Cherd was the first to push me over the edge.

 

"Do you want to buy anything else?"

 

"No," I shook my head. After causing a scene in the market, I didn't want to stay and be the centre of attention any longer. I quickly bought some clay pots and dishes and suggested we head back.

 

"Don't mind the barking dog. He was just trying to provoke you. I don't want you to get into any more trouble." On the way back to the boat, Mr. Officer, who'd paid for the toys, spoke up.

 

"But if I don't fight back, it'll ruin your reputation," I argued, understanding Klao's desire to protect P'Phop. I saw how the villagers looked at us with disdain.

 

"I never care what others think of me. As long as we know who we are, that's enough."

 

"... It'd be better if you paid more attention," I said softly to the person who just kept smiling faintly. I was genuinely worried about him. He had no idea how powerful words could be. Even though we didn't have social media to spread news quickly in this era, believe me, word of mouth was just as effective.

 

"Thank you for worrying about me," he said, his eyes sparkling as if he was very pleased to see my concern for him. Once again, I averted my gaze and changed the subject.

 

"Let's hurry up. I want to get back home."

 

"Alright."

 

On the boat ride back home, P'Phop didn't try to make conversation with me again. I didn't know what to talk about either, so we sat in silence until the boat docked at the destination. Chuay tied the boat to the post while P'Phop and I stepped onto the shore.

 

"Thank you for treating me today," I thanked him with a big smile after Chuay walked away. Mr Officer, who was generously paid for all the toys and food, smiled back. Being the son of a Phraya, he had money to spare. Besides...P'Phop was already a generous person. He took good care of the servants in the house, bringing in skilled doctors when they were sick and never leaving them to their fate. Sometimes, he even bought snacks and toys for the kids. He was truly the dream master for the servants.

 

"It's a small matter. I can treat you to more than this." He grinned smugly as if to say that this small expense didn't even dent his wallet, making me feel a bit envious. He's that rich, isn't he? He made me want to take him shopping in a modern mall. If possible, I'd spend his money until his wallet was empty.

 

"It's almost evening. P'Phop, you should go take a bath first. I'll bathe after you," I told him. The masters of the house had a separate bathing area from the servants, and unless it was urgent, they wouldn't use it at the same time. Even though we were both men, we still bathed separately, waiting for one to finish before the other went in.

 

"I take a long time to bathe. You might have to wait a while." He spoke slowly, stepping closer and leaning his face near mine. His warm breath brushed against my cheek, making me freeze.

 

"You're all sticky. Why don't we bathe together? Wouldn't that be better?" His deep, soft voice was barely louder than a whisper, yet it seemed to echo in my ears. My face heated up, and my heart pounded so hard I feared it might burst out of my chest.

 

"W-what did you say..?"

 

"I asked if you wanted to bathe with me." His sharp eyes sparkled like stars in the night sky, and the slight lift of his lips made him look much more mischievous than usual.

 

"No... no, thank you. Please, go ahead. I'll wait, "I stammered and hurriedly walked away, almost running up to the house. My ears couldn't help but catch the sound of his soft laughter following me, making my heart race even more.

 

'Calm down, Nakun. Why are you overthinking this? We're both men; it's normal to bathe together. We usually wear loincloths while bathing, not completely naked. P'Phop inviting you to bathe together isn't strange. He probably just doesn't want you to waste time waiting for him to finish.' Even though I thought that, deep down, I knew it was just an excuse. I was twenty years old, not an innocent elementary school kid. With the way he spoke and the inviting look in his eyes, I'd be really dense if I didn't get it. I wasn't imagining things. He was definitely flirting with me.

 

I walked briskly into my bedroom and sat down on the bed. My heart was still pounding, so I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. In a normal situation, it'd be wonderful if the person you liked liked you back. But let's not forget, I wasn't the Klao that P'Phop knew. And then there was the societal context that didn't accept same-sex love. If Phraya and his wife found out that their beloved eldest son liked men, there would be chaos. There were many obstacles between us. Even with so much to think about, I couldn't deny that I felt really good.

 

The sound of birds chirping came from outside the window. The sky was tinged with the red of the setting sun. I looked outside and saw a flock of crows flying back to their nests. Just like them, I'd eventually have to return to the modern world.

 

I raised my right hand and looked at the sacred thread Luang Ta tied for me. It used to remind me of my family and my own era. But today, I realised something shocking. Lately, I've forgotten my modern life and haven't thought about returning to the modern era as much as before.