Love Mechanics

Chapter 12. Unclear clarity

[Mark Masa]

The exam period is excruciating. The pressure is really on, especially in the second semester. During the midterm, I played sports, hung out with friends, and tried to adjust to the schedule and subjects, so I wasn't really satisfied with the scores I received. Hence, I made up for it by cramming towards the end of the semester. Luckily, I finished all my exams a couple of days ago.

I'm sitting in the same restaurant as my senior line. Our group expands when P'Yeewa calls over some second years. We're here to mourn P'Vee's love life. It's an excuse for a drink gathering, which doesn't really take into consideration the one who's central to this matter.

When we arrive, I sit opposite P'Vee as usual, while he sits still and sips his drink. I look up at the handsome person in the group, while P'Vee also looks back at me. The sharp eyes that used to emit irritation and confusion now contain something different...which is good for me.

"P'Vee...let me get this straight. Have you really broken up with P'Ploy?" P'Son, my direct senior line, asks. 

I don't know what they converse about, as I wasn't really paying any attention, but this question prompts P’Vee to look away from me and towards the inquirer instead.

"No..." The deep voice replies calmly. "She wants to have some distance." He continues.

I see the sadness in Vee's pretty eyes. Of course, anyone would feel sad upon encountering this situation. Even though I had felt so much pain simply seeing P'Bar in a relationship with his boyfriend, in this case, they were together for over a year. If he doesn't feel sad, then he simply has no

heart.

"Look how cool my bro is," P'Pak says and lifts his glass for a SIp.

"Don't you feel it's such a pity, though?" Fuse asks.

"And what exactly would you have me do?" He answers calmly.

"How about trying to make it up to her?" P’Vee looks at me upon hearing Pat's question. It's just a seemingly innocuous glance at me, but why does it make my heart race? How sinful...how terrible I am to feel happy that they broke up.

"I thought of talking things through again, but now I think keeping a distance is for the better, so I can also think things through myself." His answer makes everyone turn towards him, especially his friends.

"I guess...there must be something like what Yoo said." P'Pond speculates before pointing at P'Vee.

"Mind your own fuckin' business, will ya." He chides and swipes his friend's hand away.

"How rude. Handsome guys should be more polite, Daddy." P'Pan says as she flashes a sweet smile. Her large eyes are filled with moisture. I have no idea when she got here, but it appears she's drunk already.

"You can stop calling him daddy now. He doesn't have a wife, after all. You've become a motherless child." P'Kla points out.

“No way...my daddy. Find a new mother soon. Just take your pick like Nuea here. He's always on the prowl for girls."

"Whoa, hey! Have I done anything?" 'Nuea complains before glancing towards me.

"Like you haven't! If Mark wasn't here, I'm sure you wouldn't come back to the table." P'Pond suggests before giving him a whack.

"And what does this have to do with... me?" I wanted to use ruder language, but upon seeing the eyes of the one opposite me, I decided to tone it down.

P'Vee doesn't like me to use impolite language, especially towards seniors, so I decided to ask them more politely.

"Don't you know that Nuea is..."

"I'm heading back home!" PVee says and stands up, forcing P'Kla to stop mid-sentence and look on after him.

"I thought you'd wanna rush back to cuddle your wife, but she's no more. So why are you going back? We're here to mourn your lovely wife's wonderful decency." P'Kla chides.

"Thank you for all your pretentious caring. Have any of the topics actually been about me? Just for five minutes, and you all claim you're here to console me." P'Vee retorts, prompting all his friends to wear an expression of guilt.

"Don't be too harsh. I can't repent in time." P'Yeewa utters.

"What a liar, both the words and the face." P'Vee reprimands as he shoves at P'Yeewa's head

"You hurt me~" P'Yeewa complains and leans towards P'Kla. "So you feel better now?"

"Yeah." P'Vee nods and answers from within his throat.

"Can you make it back home?" P'Nuea asks. P'Vee replies with a stare and makes a pensive face. He then looks towards me.

"Mark, you said you'd take me home." Huh? I raise my brows at him.

"Come then." The deep voice utters simply. I don't know how so few words and the pair of eyes looking at me can make me put down my glass so easily.

"Since when did you guys become close?" Kamphan asks as I'm stepping out.

"Yeah... I also wonder." P'Nuea continues asking and looks towards PVee.

"Dunno...maybe even before you," PVee replies calmly before looking at me. His eyes try to convey the message "follow me out," so I duly follow him outside, respectfully saying farewell to my seniors with a wai gesture. They sit there perplexed.

I follow P'Vee to the front of the restaurant. He turns back towards me and waits. Many people look at us, but he doesn't seem to care. It's different from me, who is feeling awkward, since it's been a while since I've been the centre of attention like this.

"Isn't that P'Vee?"

"Where..? The Prom King, who they say is so handsome?"

"Yeah...the one who just broke up with P'Ploy."

"Who's that guy then?"

"It better not be what I think it is. Kan's already gone."

"I want P'Vee to be mine."

"But you'll end up with nothing as long as he's taken."

The words that fly into my ears make me stop in my tracks. It appears that the handsome guy also hears them, as he turns towards them with a stern look, silencing them.

"Why are you stopping?" He asks irritably.

"Nothing..." I reply and continue walking.

"It's quite annoying to have to wait for a long time." He says once I reach him.

"..."  I look at his face to question what he means. The older one does not reply, but instead flashes an arresting smile.

"Come walk together with me." The deep voice suggests and comes by my side—no holding hands, no arm in arm, different from the other couples. At the beginning, I wasn't sure that he'd be able to cope, but now I'm happy just being by his side because it makes me feel good.

I stopped in front of a house, one I didn't think I'd get the chance to visit anymore. I look to the one beside me, who raises his brows as if to ask, "Why?" I don't know how to respond, so I simply follow him inside the house.

Only a few lights on the bottom floor are switched on. I glance at the clock on the wall, scanning the house. It's already 11 pm, but they still turn the lights on. Or is it for their son to return, so that he can safely get to his room? If that's the case, it appears P'Vee is not drunk at all. He's walking straight, and although his eyes seem to be a bit bruised and swollen, it's not due to alcohol.

"I didn't think you'd come back home. Oh, Mark!" P'Yoo walks downstairs at the same time as P'Vee and me are heading up. So I wait at the foot of the steps for him to come down first. I greet him with a wai and smile at him lightly, to which he responds with a smile.

"Why'd you leave the lights on, then?" P'Vee asks.

"I'm about to go out. Kook and the crew want to make some adjustments to the project. Whatever. It's so troublesome for me." P'Yoo complains, stopping to talk with PVee.

"Go on then... why are you stopping?" The younger brother looks up at his elder brother and then glances at the door.

"Well, I might also want to take a break, just like you will." P'Yoo teases suggestively, his pretty eyes looking towards me.

"Whatever. Just bugger off." P'Vee softly pushes Yoo away before grabbing my arm to drag me upstairs without me even saying a word. I look back at P'Yoo, who simply sends me a smile.

I observe 'Vee's room once again, after not having been here for a long time. The first and last time was when that particular incident occurred. I never intended to return here, but I'm suddenly walking back in together with him. We eventually end up sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Here..." I reach out my hands to accept the glass of hot water from P'Vee, look down at it, and realise that it's ginger water.

"What are you staring at? It's not boiled rice, ya 

know." What's boiled rice gotta do with this?

"What's boiled rice gotta do with this?" I ask as I lift the glass for a sip. My throat feels a lot clearer after feeling baffled earlier. P'Vee's really cool though. I thought he drank so much alcohol, but it seems he's not drunk at all.

"...what's it gotta do with you?" He asks after finishing his ginger water.

What's it gotta do with what the heck? Is he speaking some alien language?

"Well, nothing," I reply tersely, as if it's really nothing, even though there is something.

While Vee said to me that he was going to see P’Ploy, I just stayed put, waiting quietly in the room. I actually wanted to eavesdrop at the door to hear what they were talking about, though I did not. I waited until the following day, when P'Yoo sent me a message asking where P'Vee was. So I answered, aware that P'Yoo also knows about what's going on between P'Vee and me. It seems that he sensed it from the first day, when his sharp eyes pierced through us and seemingly realised everything.

I didn't really talk much with P'Yoo. All I know is that the next day, P'Yoo took P'Vee home. P'Yoo kept sending me text messages, as if to update P'Vee's condition. Sure, I was worried, but what could I do? Call him? In fact, there were no channels by which I could contact him. All I could do was wait for the news from P'Yoo.

"You want me to believe you?" He asks calmly, before looking at me irritably.

"There's really nothing. I was just talking..."

"Mark...that's my brother. I've broken up with Ploy. I'm about to be with you, but then you start talking to my brother?" He says as he brushes his hair back, before walking towards the reading desk and dragging out a chair to sit and talk to me.

"I thought you guys were just keeping a distance?" I ask, while laughing in my mind. It's such a delight to keep others on edge like this.

"It's pretty much as if we've broken up. She's got someone else.. I doubt she'll come back." He says as he looks down, making me realise that I shouldn't continue playing with his feelings. How could I forget that they really love each other, and that he's certainly feeling the loss?

"I just talked about you." I contend, prompting Vee to look up at me. "I couldn't get in touch with you, so I talked to him instead."

"Take this." I look at the phone he throws to me and raise my brows.

"Just take whatever you want." I lower my face and hide a smile upon hearing the sentence which follows, reaching out to get his phone, which is already unlocked, and do what I need to do with it.

"Done," I say and hand it back.

"And don't go asking about me from others anymore. Just ask me directly." He says irritably before taking the phone back.

"Umm," I mumble a response from my throat, not knowing what to answer. I'm curious and want to ask him many things, but I don't know where to start. I want to see if he really means it when he says they've broken up.

I want to know how long this maintaining a distance thing will last. I want to know how he feels now —whether he's hurting so badly or how much he still loves her.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" The handsome voice asks, making me flinch. Have I been staring at him for so long that he noticed? Will he be able to decipher what I want to ask him via my eyes?

"If you wanna know, then ask." The handsome guy suggests, while approaching me, who's sitting on the bed. I wouldn't have avoided the heartthrob if only he hadn't leaned down to get close to me.

"Ste...Step back," I say as I turn my face away from his, prompting P'Vee to stop. Only the tips of our noses brushed against each other. A moment later...he leans on my shoulder.

"Mark..."

"Hmm?"

"Mark."

"What?" I ask sternly, irritated when someone just calls my name without saying anything else.

"I just wanna call out your name."

"The hell?" I say as I shove him away. PVee sits down properly beside me. We look at each other before he lies down on the bed.

"What did you do to stop liking Bar?" The deep voice asks as it looks at me.

I look back at him before letting out a sigh. I turn my head away as I don't want to see those sad pair of eyes.

"I didn't stop liking him."

"What do you mean?" P'Vee asks, prompting me to look down at my hands before answering.

"I haven't stopped liking him, but I've stopped wanting him. P'Bar's cheerful and adorable, so it's not strange for anyone to like him. But Kan is taking such good care of him. I'm happy seeing P'Bar happy."

"How do you do that?" The deep voice continues inquiring as if incredulous. I flash a smile to myself before lying down beside him.

"Do I still have to tell you how I could quit him?" I turn to look at his handsome face and lightly grin at him. P'Vee looks at me, baffled, before softly coughing out.

"Turn the other way." He says and shoves my face away.

"Hmph! Am I making you shy?" I ask and get closer to him. Even though he is shoving me around, it doesn't mean that I have to be docile and merely follow him. All my exes have fallen for me in this manner.

"'I’m not shy," P'Vee says so, though his ears redden. His handsome face turns elsewhere, prompting me to smile at the corner of my mouth.

"Believe me...you will be able to stop loving her," I say to him at the same time that he turns to me.

"Really?" The deep voice asks softly. "I've been seeing her the longest...is it really possible for you?"

"Not me. It's up to you, though I can help you." I assure him.

"Thanks, Mark..even though I didn't treat you well."  He says as he places his heavy arm across my waist. Both he and I don't know what it is that makes me like him, even though he didn't treat me well, just as he mentioned. But people's hearts...cannot be restrained. All I can do is free my feelings and let them roam wherever they may. If I'm lucky, he'll be able to forget his old flame, but if I'm unlucky, he'll get back together with her again.

That's the maximum pain that can be inflicted, so it's not much worse than at the beginning.

I open my eyes and awaken to the sunrays streaming through the window into the room. I blink rapidly to adjust to the light and look down at Vee, who's sleeping lower than I am. His handsome face is leaning into my shoulder to hide from the sunlight. We have been in this position ever since we talked last night, without showering or getting up to wash our faces, which makes me feel icky at the moment.

I stand up and turn off the fan, as the morning air is quite cool. P'Vee's house is not so big. His status wouldn't be considered as rich, though he can get by comfortably. It's different from me, as I haven't really experienced living in these conditions before. Truth be told... I've never slept in the open air with a fan before.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Vee! Are you there, son? Come down and have a bite, dear." The sweet woman's voice calls out to P'Vee, who stretches a bit before opening his eyes and looking at me.

"I'll be down soon, Mom!" P'Vee yells back before sitting up to stretch his body. The handsome person sits upright and looks at me, so I raise my brows back at him.

"I'll be off then," I say.

"Eat something first." He says calmly, prompting me to raise my brows at him once again.

I'm not really fond of having meals at other people's places, as it feels awkward. I usually don't eat at my own house anyway, and if I really do eat here, there'll be his mom and dad, not to mention P'You. I wouldn't know how to behave properly, as I'm not normally a sociable person.

"I don't want to be a burden."

"Mark..." He lowers his voice deeper and looks towards me. "Go wash your face and then eat." He points towards the toilet. I stare at him once more, and his eyes convey that he won't allow me to go home before eating. I have no choice but to let out a sigh and head to the toilet.

Three or four side dishes are laid out on the dining table. I assume that P'Vee's mother prepared them. The dining table is a small one which sits just four. After all, they have four family members. This is why I don't like to eat at others' houses: the awkwardness.

"Oh....you brought a friend to stay over? Why didn't you tell me, dear?" A beautiful lady walks out of the small kitchen, holding a cool water bottle as well as a glass. I respectfully make a wai to greet the person P Vee calls mother, to which she responds with a smile.

"Since when has he been telling us what he's up to?" P'Yoo says and looks at P Vee.

"So what? I've done it already." P'Vee messes with his brother, before grabbing my hand and seating me in one of the chairs, while his brother drags another chair to sit at the top end of the table.

"Nagging at each other since morning, these two." Their mother moans lightheartedly before sitting next to their father.

"That's my mom and dad, and this is Mark. He's a junior at the engineering faculty." I raise my hand to greet them with a wai once again after his introduction. I feel awkward upon seeing the handsome man and the pretty lady in front of me.

"Why are you so tense? Just make yourself at home." P'Vee's father says, prompting me to smile at him lightly. I admit to being afraid of them at first, as both the father and the mother seem like serious people, but once they talk or flash a smile, they suddenly seem so kind.

"Just relax, dear. Have as much as you want. The side dishes might not be enough. Vee should've told me he had a guest coming over." P'Vee's mother's sharp and pretty eyes look towards me, her beautiful lips unfurl a loving smile upon finishing her sentence.

"Yes." I acknowledge them with a smile, waiting for them to take their portions first before we start eating quietly. 

P'Vee and P'Yoo continue to bicker while eating, their parents sometimes reprimanding and sometimes letting it go. They also turn to ask me some questions, though Vee's mostly the one who answers them back instead.

"And how were your exams? Are you all done with them?" 'Vee's mom asks me.

"All done."

"Was it difficult? When Vee was a freshman, he complained to his dad every day that it was so hard."

"Well...it was manageable," I answer with a stammer. 

I've become speechless upon seeing their adorable gaze towards me. They even use intimate language with me, addressing themselves as mom and dad, even though they've only met me less than an hour ago.

"That's great, dear. I know you kids like to hang out, but you also have to focus on your studies. Especially for you, Vee, I'd better not hear about you being up to no good again. "His mother says to me before turning to speak to her son.

"What do you mean, up to no good? No idea what you're talking about," He replies.

"You've nearly driven me insane the past couple of days." The pretty mother says as she glares at P'Vee sternly.

"I won't anymore. From now on, I'll take good care of myself." He looks at me after finishing the sentence. Everyone falls silent and follows his eyes towards me, making me feel even more awkward. It's a strange feeling...due to the eyes of his parents that are fixed upon me.

"What exactly did I say wrong?" P'Yoo speaks up quickly with a raspy voice, seemingly irritated.

"The hell you're talking about?"

"What I said yesterday. That you also don't want to go back to her."

The brothers lock eyes as P'Yoo utters.

"Whatever you decide to do, just think carefully first." PVee's father says, before finishing his meal, drinking his water, and walking out. Silence is what I'm encountering at the moment. 

After P'Vee's dad exits, we continue eating in silence, without uttering another word, until P'Vee's mother says that she will go out to help father. Three of us remain.

"The hell you mentioned about that for?" P'Vee broaches the subject a while after mother has left.

"Well, you ain't being clear." P'Yoo contends.

"There's no need to talk about it now, Yoo. Many things are still unclear to me at the moment." P'Vee tells his brother irritably.

"What I'm trying to say is there's a lot of sincere suitors interested in him," P'Yoo mentions before going out.

"Fuck..." P'Vee curses out before putting down his spoon. "Sorry for telling you to stay and eat, so you had to witness that." He says as he looks towards me. I can sense how frustrated he is at the moment.

"It's all right..." I try flashing him a smile, which makes his face less tense, and he smiles back.

"My dad used to be against such things, but once P’Yoo started bringing in more and more guys, he eventually relented, and pinned his hopes on me instead."

"Hope for what?" I ask.

"Having children." He replies and looks towards me. His words and tone seem to be indifferent, though he's quite concerned.

Is this the reason why he doesn't want to make things clear between us? If I'm really to enter into a relationship with P'Vee, I've got to make him love me even more than he loved P'Ploy. I have to prove to his family that this type of relationship is not detrimental. It burdens me to think about it...

Apart from winning over his heart from the woman he loves, I'll have to win over his family's hearts as well. Why is it so complicated for a man to enter into a relationship with another man?

"I..."

"As Yoo said, there are many people who wanna be clear with you. So whaddaya say?" He interrupts me, preventing me from finishing what I want to say.

"What do you mean, whaddaya say?" I ask the one sitting beside me.

"Well, if you wanna go then..."

"If you scurry me away, then I'll go." I glare at him and snap back out of annoyance. 

"I've settled on being with you a long time ago, don't ask me since when, because I won't be able to answer. I've risked things for you and done everything for you. I've even allowed myself to do something I've never done before for you. But why are you still thinking that I'd wanna go elsewhere? If I wanted to, then I would've done so a long time ago." 

Following my long outburst, I stand up. Truth be told, I'm beginning to feel upset with him.

"It's just that I feel guilty for you." He grabs at my wrist and utters, without looking at my face.

"If you feel guilty, then come back and treat me as before. Be bright like when you're with your friends. Scold me when I do something wrong. Let me know directly when you're upset. Force me to do as you wish. Be back to being that person again soon." I say as I glare at him.

"Why are you ranting so much today?" He mentions with a smile.

The handsome fella stands up in front of me, his hand still holding my wrist. His lovely eyes are no different from his mother's, sparkling brightly and emitting a sense of comfort to me through the pretty-coloured iris.

"I want you to stop loving her soon," I utter as I look down at our hands, which are not far apart.

"Then make me stop loving her soon, Mark..." He says as he pulls me close. "Don't think too much about my family yet. I'm certain that my own happiness is the most important thing for my parents. If you're my happiness, then they'll allow for it." 

The sharp pair of eyes pierce into mine, conveying to me that I need not worry about today's incident.

"Then...let me know as soon as you stop loving her. Or...tell me if it's not possible." I say without turning away from his glare.

"I'm beside you right now." He says before pulling me in for an embrace, pressing my head onto his broad shoulders, and softly rubbing my temple. 

"Make me continue being by your side."