Love Mechanics

Chapter 33. Confidence.

 

[Mark Masa]

 

I follow P'Vee out of the barber shop. I'm aware that he's not in a good mood, but is he being too much by rushing ahead and not waiting for me like this? He just struts forward as if he came alone, while following him as if I'm trying to make it up to him. This is not how it's supposed to be.

 

That Tew dude, or whatever —I just met him today. I had just met him, and we only exchanged a few words. I realise that P'Vee is a jealous person, as he likes to say so to me and expresses himself that way. These days, P'Vee likes to draw attention to himself, and I'm also keen on focusing my attention on him. In fact, I had already driven out of Central, but upon hearing that he wanted to come and see me, I turned the car and returned to the shopping mall.

 

"P'Vee.."I call out softly to the one walking in front of me. I haven't said a word since exiting the barber shop, and not even when I was in it.

 

"What?" The irritated voice asks back, making me feel annoyed as well.

 

"What's the matter?" My voice becomes harsher along with my mood, but I don't know whether the person in front of me will notice.

 

"You." He turns around and says just that.

"Me what?" I ask and walk towards him.

 

"You talked to him."

 

"You also talked to that stylist guy." I retort, recalling the wide smiles and welcoming eyes they had when they met, which makes me feel strangely irritated.

 

"Well, he did my hair when I entered the Prom King pageant." The one in front of me contends.

 

"And that guy just approached me first, so what was I to do? It's not like I wanted to talk to him or anything." I also reply in an upset manner, no differently from P'Vee.

 

"Next time, if you don't wanna talk to him, just tell him that I'm your boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" I raise my eyes and ask him.

 

"Fuck.." The handsome guy lowers his face and curses softly. "Just be my boyfriend, that's all." 

 

No matter how softly he says it, I can hear him.

 

"P'Vee," I call out to the one in front of me with a stern voice.

 

"What? You and I are beyond just boyfriends, even." Before I can open my mouth to chide him, he continues talking. "I didn't mean just our actions, but also our feelings and everything else."

 

".."I can only stay silent and think along with his words. He's right about him and me being more than just boyfriends. My feelings for him are beyond that definition already.

 

"If I didn't do such a nasty thing like I did that day, we'd probably.."

 

"P'Vee..." I call out to the one in front of me once I see that the conversation might get out of hand and make us both feel worse.

 

"I'm sorry." His apology isn't just for the events that transpired today; his eyes tell me he's sorry for all the bad things that have occurred between us.

 

"I haven't said anything yet," I utter, and step towards the one in front of me. I don't want P'Vee to worry so much about the past. I indeed suffered a lot, but I've already forgiven him. I gave in to him ever since seeing his face once again. 

 

"Will I be told off for holding your hand?" I ask, and look down at the slender hand beside P'Vee's body.

 

"Huh!?"

 

"If I walk near you, will someone come up and slap me?" I lean my neck over to ask him, before giving him a little smile. If Wind sees my actions now, he'd probably scold me for being too easy, but I'd be fine with that, as long as I get such a baffled reaction from the one opposite me, like right now.

"Ya bastard kid.." The handsome guy beams a wide grin after being awkward for a while. P'Vee walks up to me and wraps his arm around my neck.

 

"P'Vee..." I look around before slowly stepping away from him.

 

"Don't.." P'Vee says, and locks my neck. "You enticed me, so you gotta go through with it."

 

"I wasn't enticing you; I just don't want you to blame yourself," I told him.

 

"Then who should I blame? I was an idiot, after all." P'Vee says in a frustrated tone.

 

"I didn't listen to you, either. Otherwise, we wouldn't have wasted so much time.

 

"As long as we lose time but I don't lose you, I'm fine with that." P'Vee looks into my eyes and says in a deep voice.

 

"P'Vee..." I press my voice low upon feeling that my face is starting to heat up.

 

"Yes..let's go grab a bite together."

 

We come down to look for something to eat. We wrangled for a while before deciding upon a Japanese restaurant. The one beside me makes a strange face. As I look at him..! I can sense it, but I choose to ignore his aversion, since my body is craving raw fish at the moment.

 

"Mark...I beg of you. If you're going to pull my leg just because you're feeling bashful, then please don't." P'Vee holds me back by my arm before we enter the restaurant.

 

"I'm not pulling your leg. I really wanna eat it." I replied.

 

"But I don't." The slightly pleading voice answers back, and the handsome face sulks.

 

"But I want to." I smiled at P'Vee before turning and entering the restaurant. A lot of people look my way because a handsome fella is following me. I don't really like the attention, but I will have to get used to it. Ever since P'Dew spread the word about me, more people on campus recognise me, look my way, and talk about me.

 

"Let's sit here." P'Vee walks closer and points to a table in the corner of the restaurant. He's not bothered by others at all. The handsome but rather tense face leads me to the table. I giggle upon seeing P'Vee's childlike behaviour and sit down as well.

 

"After this, I'll treat you to ice cream," I say to him after we've sat down.

 

"Don't you wanna go? It's my treat." I ask, seeing that the other person remains quiet. P'Vee looks up at me before shifting his body a bit.

 

"Strawberry and vanilla flavour." The handsome face cranes up a bit before replying.

 

"Hmph! Are you being funny? Do you think that's cute?" I chuckle before browsing through the menu.

 

"Well, look where you've brought me. I don't know how to eat this. I don't even know what it is." P'Vee points at the menu before complaining.

 

"I'll order for you." I look at the menu once more. "You're not allergic to anything, right?"

 

"Yeah.." I look down at the menu as the waitress comes to take our order. Actually, I have my own usual menu, but since 'Vee's eating with me, I want to choose delicious things for him. I turn to place an order with the waitress, who jots everything down before looking up to ask P'Vee.

 

"And what about you?" The waitress asks. 

 

Her pretty face starts to blush while trying not to feel jealous of him. It's normal for others to feel bashful upon looking at P'Vee's face, since he's really that handsome. Even when he makes an irritated face, he looks charming, so it's not strange for others to feel bashful when looking at him.

 

"He'll order for me." P'Vee doesn't pay much attention to her, replying plainly and looking at me.

 

"You can eat raw fish, right?" I ask.

"I've even eaten raw human flesh," P'Vee says softly to himself.

 

"Yes?"

"I can." He lets out a sigh and tells me.

 

"You're not allergic to anything, right?"

"I'm allergic to your heart."

 

I ask because some people are allergic to certain ingredients or vegetables, but the answer I get makes me look up at him, disbelievingly.

 

"Um..." I glance at the waitress whose whole egg-shaped face has now become red. I placed a random order for her from the menu, thinking that what I had originally had in mind didn't matter, and that I just wasted time coming up with it.

 

"Why are you so..." I reprimand P'Vee once the waitress has walked away.

"What?"

 

"Why don't you have any shame whatsoever?" I say to him crossly.

 

"Why the need to be shy? It's the truth." He answers back with his typically dazed face, and all I can do is let out a sigh.

 

We start eating slowly. I eat slowly to let my taste buds savour the delicious food for as long as possible. It's been a long while since I've had this kind of food, due to time constraints and other factors. When I do get to eat it, it reminds me of my grandmother's house. The interior, with its Japanese-style decor, evokes even more memories.

 

I pick up a piece of raw fish and put it into my mouth while glancing at the person opposite me. He makes a disgusted face upon accidentally eating the raw fish. He neither spits it out nor swallows it until he turns and looks into my eyes, and I can see movement in his throat, indicating that he has finally swallowed it.

 

"I thought you said you could eat it," I ask.

"I thought I could. It seems others eat it so easily," P'Vee replies.

 

"You've never had it before?"

 

"Who could I eat it with? All my friends eat either shabu-shabu hot pot, pan-fried pork, or grilled meat together with alcohol. I've never entered this kind of restaurant before." He replies long-windedly, his sharp eyes glancing at the food in front of him before looking up at me.

 

"Don't force yourself if you can't eat it. Just order what you think you can eat." I say, and hand the menu over to him.

"I can't eat sashimi raw fish, but I can eat sushi though," P'Vee replies, and puts a piece of sushi in his mouth, chews on it, and swallows it naturally.

 

"Then why'd you eat the raw fish?" I ask.

 

"I saw you eating it deliciously, so I wanted to try it, too." The frowning face complains like a whining child.

 

"Well, I like it," I reply calmly.

"Seems you eat it often." He observes.

 

"Well, yeah..When I was in Japan." I had it often when I lived in Japan or was travelling there. My grandmother usually took me out to eat, but when I came back to live in Thailand, not many people were free, so I didn't know who to eat with. It's not like my friends like the same kinds of food I do. My mom can't always make time for me, while my dad... even though he has Japanese blood, it doesn't mean he likes eating it.

 

"Do you go there often?" P'Vee asks me and puts another piece of sushi into his mouth.

 

"Every year."

"So nice. I wanna go there, too." P'Vee says, and looks up at me pleadingly.

 

"You wanna go to Japan?"

 

"Yeah. I wanna go with you. I wanna have the feeling of going with my brother but coming back with my boyfriend." My mouth opens agape before looking down at the Japanese food in front of me. Why does the fish taste sweeter than usual?

 

I return to my room, with the other guy asking to come back with me. I first offered to see P'Vee off at his house, but he insisted on coming to see P'Bar. I look at the other person in the elevator, who doesn't press P'Bar's floor but merely stands there, so I reach out to press the button for him. He glances at me but doesn't say anything.

 

"We're here." I say once the elevator arrives at 'Bar's floor.

 

"Are you trying to be funny, Mark? I've come all the way with you here, do you really think I'm actually going to see Bar?" P'Vee says as he presses the close button of the elevator door.

"What's with you?" I look at the other person who's about to get off the elevator with me.

 

"Don't make such a face. How can I see Bar, who's lovey-dovey with that doctor kid? Don't you think I'd choose to follow you no matter what?"

 

"You're so..." I turn and chide him before entering my room.

 

"C'mon...I wanna stay with you, after all." He says and closes the door for me.

 

"Then why'd you mention P'Bar?" I turn to ask him.

 

"Just an excuse, ya know?" He says smilingly and walks over to me. "Why? Or you don't want to be with me?"

 

"I just don't feel safe when I'm with you," I answer, feeling that way. I look up at P'Vee and feel heat rushing up to my face due to his words. I think even more upon recalling the time we were eating together. His eyes and facial expression make me think too much. It's not that I'm afraid of him, nor are we unfamiliar with being together, but what I'm most fearful of is my own heart.

 

"You're right to feel that way." The handsome guy approaches me, flashing a slight smile from the corner of his mouth as he leans near me. "I also feel that I can't restrain myself when I'm with you."

 

"P'Vee!" I call out to the other person with a stern voice, as he comes so close that we nearly brush against one another.

 

"I just wanna stay close to you for a bit longer." I remain still once P'Vee utters those words. He steps towards me before placing his hand on my waist and pulling me to his body.

 

"P'.."

“I can't embrace you while we're outside. I have to think over and over again whenever I hold your hand. Finding an excuse to come out to see you is difficult, but I still make the effort." P'Vee lifts his gaze to me and continues speaking. "I do everything I do because I want to be with you."

 

"I know I mistreated you. I know it's not easy for you to forgive me. I know you need time. You don't need to love me like you used to, nor follow me like you used to. You don't have to do anything at all. All I ask is that you stay with me. I want to stay with you, to love you."

 

I press my lips against the lips of the one in front of me, even though he hasn't finished talking yet. He utters just a few sentences, but it eases my mind. He says the same words again and again, but it makes me fall in love with him. There's only one person who can do this...

 

P'Vee tightens his embrace before pressing his lips even closer. I was the initiator, but he now takes the lead. Our lips intertwine more aggressively. 

 

I'm not sure whether it's my yearning for him or his words that make me want to kiss him longer. I adjust the angle of my face to kiss him more comfortably, not caring that we're in front of the bedroom. I don't care what happened between us in the past, as his thick hand now rubs circles around my buttocks.

 

We pull away from each other slightly. P'Vee lowers his face and places his head on my shoulder. The loud panting beside my ear makes my heart beat fast, and my emotions run wild. P'Vee moves his feet, making me step backwards more and more, till my back is against the bedroom wall.

 

"Don't you want to hear my love confession?" I look down at the mop of hair of the one babbling beside my ear. 

 

"Then let me show you with my actions." Upon uttering the words that make my heart flinch, his hot tongue sticks out to lick my neck. His slender hand softly caresses my side, making me quiver and tense up.

 

"Ah.." I let out a moan once P'Vee presses his lips on my neck. His light suction makes me nearly lose my balance. It's good that he's holding my waist; otherwise, I'd probably fall to the floor.

 

"Mark.." The deep voice calls out beside my ear, but I instead lift my face to get air. P'Vee kisses my jawbones before pressing his nose on my cheek and eventually stopping at my lips. I've no idea how long we've been kissing, and I've no idea when we entered the bedroom. All I know now is that we're lying down on the bed and I'm still kissing P'Vee. 

 

He withdraws his lips and kisses my forehead. One of his slender hands hovers around my stomach, while the other is propped up against the bed so that he doesn't press his entire body weight down on me.

"Uhh.."I moan out as the pretty lips gradually move downwards and stop at my chest.

 

"Ummm."

 

"Umph!" My tense body tenses up even more. My idle hands, unwittingly slip into his hair and squeeze his pretty-colored mop once P'Vee sticks his tongue out to lick on the small nipple on my chest. How can I possibly resist? That pretty mouth is sucking one nipple, while the other is being fondled by his slender hand.

 

"P'Vee...Uhhh. Ah...En..enough." I stammer as I push his head away, but my body responds crazily. My hand shoves him away, but my chest puffs out as if wanting him to taste more of it.

 

"Umm..." My shirt has been removed, and Vee doesn't have his on either. He moves up to nibble my earlobes once more, which makes our bare chests brush softly against each other.

 

"Ughh..P'Vee...Uhh..."

 

"Mark..."

"Ummm."

 

"Mark!" I flinch at the loud voice calling out to me. P'Vee stops and leans down to look at me, before we both turn towards the door.

 

"Da..Dad.." My dad is standing in front of the door. I'm not surprised at all that he can enter my room, because my mother is standing beside her.

 

"Masa..." Mom calls out to me softly from within her throat, bringing me back to my senses. I push P'Vee away at the same time that he moves away from me.

 

"Um..."

 

"And you were saying that you're so worried about him..?" Dad turns to Mom and slowly walks over to me.

 

"Dad..." The painful eyes and disappointment from the one in front of me make me call out to him softly. I manage to put my shirt on while P'Vee remains standing beside the bed. The handsome guy moves closer to me once my dad stops in front of me.

"You ungrateful child." Dad reprimands me. He doesn't say it loudly, but I feel hurt.

 

"I'd like to..."

Wham!

 

"P'Vee!" I call out the other person's name when my dad punches him in the face before he could know it. The handsome guy shakes his head and stands up; the corner of his mouth that was just kissing me has a bit of blood on it.

 

"It's okay..." P'Vee places his hand on my shoulder and pats me softly. I look up at him and notice how much my body is trembling. My parents, who are in front of me, and P'Vee, who is standing beside me, truly help me understand the meaning of the word'pressure'. I've never fully understood what it means to not know what to do until now.

 

"So how's he doing, this son of yours, Madame? Are you happy to come and see for yourself how he's doing? So now you even know who he is doing!" Dad turns to Mom and lashes out, while Mom glances at me. Although she doesn't say anything, her disappointment is so clear in her eyes that I feel guilty.

 

"Mom..." I call out to my mom, who slowly walks towards me. Her pretty hand touches my cheek before she looks towards P'Vee.

 

"Is this the person who hurt you at that time?"

 

"Hmph!" Dad forces out a laugh. "So this is the path you chose, what you want to be, what you said you prefer!?"

 

"I love him!" I shout out, while still seated in the same place. My hand tightly grips the blanket. My mouth quivers, and my body shudders, but in the end, I can only feel the tightness in my chest. 

 

"I love him, Dad..." I slowly look up to my dad, but don't know what kind of facial expression he makes, as my eyes are now welling with tears.

 

"And does he love you? How can you expect this good-for-nothing wretch to take care of you!?" Dad points to P'Vee and scoffs at me.

 

"I love Mark..." P'Vee walks over to me and squeezes my shoulders lightly. "I admit that I'm not sure whether I can take care of him as well as you do, but I can surely say that I do love him, no less than anyone else." 

 

My heart warms upon hearing the words of love from P'Vee. It's as warm as my shoulders that he's squeezing. Although I'm worried about my dad, I feel better upon hearing this. At least P'Vee isn't going to abandon me...

 

"How can I just trust the air that flows out of your mouth?" Dad turns to say slowly to PVee. The one beside me tightens his grip on my shoulder before locking eyes with my dad.

 

The atmosphere in the room grows tense as both my dad and P'Vee remain silent. But my heart beats hard, and my brain is thinking many things till it aches. How can I make my dad accept P'Vee? How can I make my mom not look down on his wealth and status? How can I make P'Vee not feel discouraged? I've only come to understand the meaning of' wasted time' today. If only I hadn't fought with him, we could've spent more time together in happiness.

 

"Dear..." I don't know how much time elapses, but my mom's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

 

"Hmph! Sort yourself out and let's go talk outside." Dad's deep voice utters, and the two walk out. What I'm feeling now is a heavy heart, so much so that I cannot turn to face P'Vee. I'm certain, from the tone of my dad's voice, that no matter what, he won't accept how I am, nor will he accept P'Vee...

 

"P'Vee..."

 

"No need to say anything, Mark. Just hearing that you love me, I'm willing to fight with your dad even ten times to win you over."P'Vee walks over to me. The tall figure sits before me, slowly wiping away my tears.

 

"My dad's not an ordinary person." I look down at the hand that's holding my hand.

 

"But I'll make sure to show him that an ordinary person like me can take care of you," P'Vee says, and looks into my eyes. I want my dad to see the determined look in P'Vee's eyes, to feel his confidence and sincerity.

 

"I love you..."

"Even though I have to fight till the bitter end for you, I will. Because I love you so much." P'Vee says, and smiles at me.

 

My parents are sitting in front of the television. The area is so quiet that I can only hear P'Vee's footsteps and my own. Mom turns to us and smiles tenderly, while Dad looks straight ahead, not bothering to look at us, even though we come to sit in front of him.

 

"Father..."

 

"Who's your father?" My dad snaps back at P'Vee the moment P'Vee calls out to him. The handsome guy smiles sheepishly and nods his head apologetically, before raising his hands to make a wai.

 

"Isn't it a bit too late to be greeting us?" My mom says, and smiles at Vee. 

"Mother..."

 

"So you're the one who made my Masa cry so much and return home?" My mom shifts her body a little and asks P Vee.

 

"I admit to doing that. I'm sorry for making Mark sad. I was also sad about it, too." P'Vee replies.

 

"Then what made you get back together?" Mom asks.

 

"What else could it be? You should know your own son well. He probably can't get by without you-know-what." Dad looks at me crossly, no different from my eyes that glare at him now.

 

"I said already that I love P'Vee," I utter slowly. No matter how much the voice trembles or how tightly my heart is squeezed, I feel good about confirming these words to my dad.

 

"Haven't I told you before that personal preference and headlong love aren't concrete?"

 

"I admit that love isn't concrete, but I've fallen in love with your son already. I don't think I can live or have any appetite if your son is not beside me." P'Vee replies to my dad and places his hand on the back of mine. He squeezes it gently to calm me down, and it works.

 

"Dear?" Mom looks at P'Vee before turning to call Dad, who, in turn, raises his hand to stop my mom from saying anything.

 

"No need to say anything, Madame," Dad says to Mom and turns to us. "So you love each other so much? Do you want to make my son yours?" My dad asks.

 

"I love Mark. So much.." P'Vee raises his head and looks into my dad's eyes without fear. The side face of the one I love clearly reveals his protruding jawbones. Their glaring eyes suddenly make me feel frightened. There's no way Dad will accept us, and no indication that P'Vee will back down.

 

"May I go to your house, Vee?" Mom's voice cuts the tension between Dad and P'Vee, though her question starts to make me worried as it does him. My house is so different from his...

 

"My…house?"

 

"I want to see how you grew up." My mom smiles, but it's not the kind of smile I want to see. I also dislike her sweet tone, tinged with suspicion.

 

"Yes..."