Love Mechanics

Chapter 32. Whatever we are.

 

[Vee Vivis]

 

I fall asleep, then wake up to lie there lazily, fiddling with my phone without updating anything. My most recent update was uploading a photo to a brown-coloured application a couple of days ago. It's a photo I like so much that I want to make it my Facebook profile pic.

 

I switch the phone screen to another application once I see that there are no updates from the person I'm following. Even though it's a holiday and it's the afternoon, why doesn't Mark have any updates at all?

 

I let out a sigh and turned my body to kick my legs against the bed rapidly, to prevent myself from starting a chat with the one I'm missing. I go to the personal profile settings page on Facebook to change my name, profile pic, and relationship status, which has been single for a long time.

 

Vee Vivis

2 mins

The photo conveys my feelings

photo by M

86 Likes 39 Comments

 

It might be due to the time of day, the photo, the caption, or whatever, but those factors make the comments and likes pour in, surprising me. But the quicker the better, as I really want Mark to see this post so badly.

 

Yewaa: What is M?

Pin pinna: Pretty but dumb. You gotta ask, Who is M?

Psch Porsche: P'Vee's backkKk

Pond pawee: Vee sucks at English. You gotta ask him in Thai, who Mis.

Dadida Mihk : I miss you so much, P'Veeee

Polla maty: You're back. Fighting!

Tonkla: He changed his Facebook name, too

James, it's read James not James: M

Future ForFun: M

Kamphan, whose house has a lamp larger than a tank: M

 

I exit from the comments section once I see Mark's friends commenting. That kid will see it sooner or later and will probably send me a message. I know that I'm still trying to make it up to him, but from what I've seen, it seems he's not pouting anymore. So why doesn't he greet me first sometimes?

 

I look at his most recent update, which is the photo of the swimming pool he uploaded three days ago. In the picture is the broad back of the one I know well. It's good that he covers himself up with a towel; otherwise, I'd make a big deal of it and tell him to delete the photo. It's not that I don't know how hot Mark's body is, be it his chest, his abs, his waist, or his legs. I've seen it all, and I want it all for myself.

 

I see both his Facebook and his IG, but he's still quiet. I let out a sigh and return to the main page. I scroll along until one status pierces my eyes. 

 

TOSSAKAN

2 hrs

You wanna be an athlete, then score points, but if you want a peck on the cheek from your boyfriend, whatcha gotta do? #TeamBeam Fighting! Medical faculty swim team.

449 likes 148 comments

 

I really wanna make a frowning face at this handsome dude. He posts as if to support his friends, but after all, he doesn't fail to mention P'Bar.

 

Danny, what, it's Dan: Respect, man: one status update, two unrelated stories.

V Vivis: If you wanna know how to grab attention, ask Kan; if you wanna love me, ask for my number.

 

TOSSAKAN: You're back on Facebook, V Vivis?

Pond pawee: Which story should I be interested in? Kan, the swimmer, or Vee, changing his Facebook name?

 

I enter my comments after Dan's. It reflects my relaxed mood and my efforts to capture a special someone's attention. Kan texts in my private chat, asking about my return to the platform. It is a big deal for me to come back to use Facebook, as so many people are surprised. I tell him that I'm back now because my mind has become settled. The story of Mark and me can begin again.

 

I continue to lie there stupidly, twisting my body back and forth. The screen shows that the kid is online, though he doesn't take any action. I frown at the phone and text Bar to go hang out, but he replies that his boyfriend won't allow it. Why does that guy not permit his boyfriend to come out, though? It's been ages since I last hung out with him. So here I am waiting for that kid to give me some attention, but it seems like I'm waiting in vain. Why does Mark have such a strong mind?

 

Brrr~

I flinch and get up to grab my phone, which I kicked to the end of the bed. I sit up and check the notification, then sigh softly.

 

Yewaa: Tonight, tonight, let's meet up.

 

I turn the screen off without replying. Why does she want to meet me? It must be to hear updates about Mark and me. It's clear I'm still chasing after him. But strangely...despite my waiting, my setbacks, my weariness, I haven't gotten bored with what I'm doing at all.

 

Vee Vivis

Just now

Running after my heart. No matter how far, I've gotta continue running.

20 Likes 4 Comments

 

Tinkle bel: Is your heart really far away, P'Vee?

Yewaa: You can babble, but you can't reply back to me, huh?

Northh: He's asking for attention

Gay sarawin: like it when you're in love, 

 

P’Vee let out a small smile at the comments that stream in. I lock the phone screen and get up to wash my face. If Mark's really not gonna pay attention to me, then I'd better find something to do.

 

I walk out of the toilet and use a handkerchief to wipe my face dry, while my other hand automatically picks up the phone to have a look. My pupils widen uncontrollably when I see the message notification from five minutes ago. It's from Mark.

 

Masa Mark: M?

Vee Vivis: Why not wait till tomorrow to ask me?

 

I say that to him, though I'm grinning widely like a madman. The message is marked as read for about a minute before the other person replies.

 

Masa Mark: I'm getting a haircut

Vee Vivis: Hmmm? Where?

Masa Mark: Central.

 

He replies tersely, and I nod understandingly.

 

Vee Vivis: Why didn't you invite me?

Masa Mark: It's just a haircut

Vee Vivis: Not just. What's a small matter for you is a big deal for me

Masa Mark: You're so...

Vee Vivis: Do you wanna know what M is?

Masa Mark: Not anymore

Vee Vivis: Sure, I'm not important

Vee Vivis: Can I call you? Lazy to type

 

He doesn't reply to my words expressing disappointment, nor does he respond to my request to call, till I try to grab his attention by rapidly sending stickers.

 

Brr~

The notification indicating that there's an incoming call makes my finger stop. I look down again and again, until the signal gets cut.

 

Masa Mark: Hey, why didn't you pick up?

 

The notification pops up, but my mind continues to tremble. My heart has been racing since seeing Mark's call, and it's still racing now that he's asking for a reply.

 

"You wanna talk to me?" I ask the other person to pick up the phone upon hearing their signal.

 

[Why do you ask like that?] Mark falls silent for a while before answering back.

 

"I was worried you might get annoyed."

 

[You've just started to worry?] He says softly. I don't know if he intended for me to hear it, but I did.

 

"I've just realised what I have to be careful of, being in this position, in case one day you suddenly disappear again," I replied.

 

[Whatever.] Mark's still Mark. He's reticent and doesn't quite make full sentences, but his words clearly convey his feelings. I can tell what he wants just by the tone of his voice.

"I'm like this because of you, Mark," I answer back.

 

We fall silent for a long while. The signal doesn't cut out, and we continue talking once he's paid for his haircut. Most of our talking revolves around me complaining about the things I have to do. He acknowledges me and also asks me back now and then, which makes me happy.

 

"Can we talk like this till morning?" I ask him after we've talked for a while.

[It's only five.] The raspy voice replies.

 

"Well, we can't see each other, so at least hearing each other's voice is good, no?" I ask back.

 

[Do we usually see each other all day and night?] The person on the line asks in a bitter tone.

 

"Normally, we even cuddle," I answered softly, not knowing whether or not he would hear me. On the one hand, I'd like him to know how I feel right now; on the other hand, I'm afraid he might not like it.

 

[But right now we're not normal.]

"Then when can we be?"

 

[...] I ask as my mind dictates, but the other person falls silent. I want to know how he feels now. Am I getting closer, or still at the same place?

 

"If you can become the same person you were to me before, then let me know. But if you can't be that person, let me know as well." I understand now. When he said something along those lines, when asking for clarity from me that time, his heart was squeezing tight just like mine is now.

 

[...I'm not a new person or anything.] He says slowly, after falling silent for a while. [I'm still the same me.]

 

My tightly squeezed heart gradually loosens upon hearing Mark's words. Slowly unfurl a smile, till I feel that my mouth is about to be torn apart. I want to shout out loud, but I can merely keep these good feelings in my mind.

 

"Mark..."

[Hmm?]

 

"Can I go see ya?" I ask the younger one like that, but he becomes quiet for so long that I can't bear it. "I was just thinking of getting a haircut," I say, after touching my hair. I need a trim, though I had my hair cut by Nuea a couple of weeks ago.

 

[I wait here then.]I flash a smile upon hearing him say that. "I’ll call you when I get there," I say and hang up.

 

I walk over to the wardrobe and change into the clothes that make me look good. I look in the mirror and adjust my hair a bit, smile at my dark-colored hair, before saying goodbye to it in my mind. I walk downstairs, where my dad is checking out a car for a customer. I don't know where my mom went, while Yoo is in the middle of the house assembling some kind of miniature model of his. His thick brows furrow, and he blows some wind up to his hair till his bangs get all messy. The tall guy exhales once more before looking up at me.

 

"My my, the prince has left his bedroom." My brother's greeting prompts Dad to turn to me, before frowning at me and turning his attention back to the car.

 

"And what are you doing? You're so in the way." I say, and slowly walk away from him. I once ruined one of his miniature models. Although it was just a small piece, he complained about it in my ear for weeks.

 

"I'm working. Where are you off to? The sun hasn't even set yet."

"Ya bastard.." I scold him, prompting him to scowl at me.

 

"Well, you're all dressed up as if going on a date rather than to go drinking, so I've gotta ask. What if you deceive my naive junior into doing something against his will?" He says.

 

"I'm gonna go cut my hair," I tell him, and walk out to the front of the house.

 

I stand and look at my motorbike, before using my intelligent brain to analyse gradually. If I go there with my vehicle, I'll have to bring it back. But if I get a ride from someone to go there, then Mark will have to drop me off back here, since I'll have the excuse of not having my own ride. Once I think about this, I head back into the house. My brother, who's always concerned about me, even when he doesn't need to be, continues assembling his model. I take a deep breath before walking towards him.

 

"Yoo..."

"There's no response the first time I call him.

"Yoo."

 

"Even though I'm this close to him, he pays more attention to that model than to me. Whoever gets him as a boyfriend would be so pissed off.

 

"Ya fucker Yoo!"

 

"Aren't I your brother? Man... can't do this." He looks up and scolds me, before looking down at his labour of love. He grumbles as if it's somehow my fault, even though his model hasn't even shaped up yet.

 

"Go drop me off at Central, will ya?" I ask him after letting him grumble on for a while.

 

"Me?" He looks up and asks me.

"Yeah."

 

"What do I get for dropping you off?" He continues asking.

 

"Mark as a sister-in-law," I reply, and give him a handsome smile. My brother's mouth opens agape.

 

"What a devlish smile. You've got your own ride, so why don't you go by yourself?"

"This way, Mark can see me off on the way back," I explain to him, with a slightly pleading expression that my brother can pick up on.

 

"What a schemer."

"Drop me off?" I say, and take a step closer to him.

 

"Then help me out with the model assembly tonight." He replies and looks up at me with an impish smile.

 

"..Deal," I answer my brother, though in my mind I smile even more impishly than he. In fact, I'm not planning to come back home tonight...

 

I walk inside after separating from Yoo. I tighten the grip of my phone that's still warm in my hand, and follow the path to the meeting place. I just talked to Mark, who told me the barber shop he was at and hung up. I walk into the toilet to check on myself one more time and arrange my hairstyle before walking out.

 

Mark is waiting beside the elevator. The tall guy looks good in a white T-shirt and knee-length pants. His accessories consist of an earring and a wristwatch. But that's enough to make him look good, so much so that passersby steal glances at him. I stop and observe my own apparel, comprising faded jeans and a T-shirt the same colour as Mark's. I let out a small smile upon thinking of my brother's words.

It's really like a date.

 

"Mark", I call out to the one whose back is turned to me. Mark turns around, before moving his face back a bit, since I'm too near him. I grin at the skittish nature of the one in front of me and take a step back to make him feel more comfortable.

 

"So slow..." The words have just come to his head, as he grumbles softly before turning another way.

 

"I hurried, but I couldn't get a ride," I reply.

"You didn't bring your own ride?"

 

"You wanted to use it." I've just realised the perks of not coming from a rich family today. If these lame excuses can elicit sympathy from Mark, then I'll gladly use them.

 

"Where is P'Yoo going?" I furrow my brows when Mark asks about my brother.

 

"Just pay attention to me. You're with me now, after all." I choose not to answer and draw attention to myself instead

 

"Well.."

"Well, what? Yoo's not allowed either. I'd get so jealous as well."

 

"P'Vee..." I let out a thin smile as the tone of the one in front of me thickens.

 

"Okay, okay, I'm just sayin'." I raise my hands to give in and take a step towards him. "Where's the barber shop? Take me there." I say, upon not seeing any reaction from the younger guy.

 

Mark turns his body and leads me. I smile upon seeing the back of the one in front of me. His thin shirt flutters with his movements. His waist and legs look good, even though they're not too different from mine. Come to think of it, I'm somewhat like a psycho for walking after Mark, looking at him and smiling, just because the one who's walking in front of me is Mark.

 

The barbershop Mark takes me to is the same one that did my hair for the Prom King pageant. I don't know whether the stylist remembers me, but I remember the name of the salon. There aren't many patrons inside, just one guy getting his hair washed. A staff member walks over to greet me and tells me to wait for the stylist, while Mark stays on the sofa.

 

"Oh my~ Cholli told me that there's a handsome patron, so I was wondering who it was. And it turns out to be none other than you, Vee." The salon owner comes out to greet me. His attractive physique approaches me, and he places his hand on the armrest before flashing me a sweet smile.

 

"I'm glad you remember me, P'Toey." 1 reply smilingly.

 

"How can I forget a handsome face like you? That person, too, was here just now, luv." The shrill voice and sentence ending are indicators of this good-looking man's gender preference. He turns to Mark, who's looking down at the phone. He looks up calmly, before giving a little smile and turning his attention back to the phone. "Handsome, good-looking, and attractive," P'Toey whispers softly beside my ear, though his words seem aggressive to me.

 

"Mark! Come help me pick a hairstyle." I'm not interested in replying to P'Toey, but call out to Mark instead. I look at him in the mirror and see him look up in response. He furrows his long brows before saying softly.

 

"Let the stylist choose. What would I know?" His answer makes me frown even more. We look into each other's eyes through the mirror, and he remains seated there without any movement.

 

"Got it, got it. I can see from both of your eyes—no need to get jealous or anything. My mirror's about to break. I got it that you guys came together." P'Toey waves his hands and speaks out.

 

"It's not like what you..."

 

"No need to make any excuses, handsome. Your eyes are the best indicator." P'Toey turns back and forth, smiling. "Is it what I think it is, gorgeous?" The elder person leans down to whisper in my ear, while flashing me a smile via the mirror. I smile at P'Toey in response and look at Mark.

 

"Yes," I reply to P'Toey, but my eyes look towards Mark. He stays still for a moment before slowly looking down at his phone again.

 

"Oh my, why didn't you reveal your tastes to me since you were a sophomore?" P'Toey makes a pouting expression before touching my hand.

 

"I've just recently started liking," I answer him, to which he frowns back at me.

I didn't spend much time on the haircut, and throughout the session, I didn't even ask what hairstyle the stylist gave me. All I did was look in the mirror to observe the other person's actions. From playing with his phone, he then started reading a magazine. It might seem strange to my eyes, though it's nothing that looks too off.

 

"Do you enjoy reading?" My brows raise up upon seeing that someone has come over to greet Mark. Mark looks up at the tall, good-looking, seemingly well-off bloke who is talking to him. The guy shifts his body a bit, but that shift ends up fully blocking Mark from my view.

 

"Yes?"All I can hear is Mark's reply, and all I can see is the broad back of the guy who's with him.

 

"I'm about to get a haircut. Would you happen to have any recommendations as to what style I should go with?" The deep voice continues, even though my boy fell silent after responding to him in a high-pitched tone.

 

"I told ya. Handsome, good-looking, and attractive...this afternoon, when he was getting his haircut, both men and women were eyeing him." I imagine, along with P'Toey's words, that I can sense the feeling of jealousy rising.

 

"I think.."

 

"Mark!" I'm not sure how Mark will respond, and I'm not sure what to say to him after calling his name. All I want is to intervene in their conversation. The guy steps back from Mark and looks at me. Mark has a puzzled expression before raising his brows at me. I can only ask myself what to say to him next after having called out to him.

 

"All set, handsome." P'Toey pulls the cloth from me and brushes away my hair remnants

 

"I'm..done with the haircut," I say, and glance at P'Toey, who sends me a knowing smile.

 

"Then let's head back," Mark says, and shifts his body a bit.

"Your name's Mark? I'm Tew." As I pay for the haircut, I hear the dude trying to strike up a conversation with Mark once more.

 

"Yes."

"What a lovely name. Nice to meet you." Nice to meet my ass...

 

"Thank you." I nearly walk over to gouge that Tew guy's eyeballs out when Mark sends him a smile. Even though he's smiling just to be polite, I still can't help but feel jealous. Every type of Mark's smile looks good, so much so that I want to keep them all to myself.

 

"Mark," I call him with a deep tone. Mark looks towards me, perhaps aware that I'm displeased.

 

"Did you come with your brother? Or friend?" And I was about to let him get away with this.

 

"Um..I let out a sigh to relieve my hot temper. I walk over to Mark and wrap my arm around the shoulder of the one who's nearly as tall as me.

 

"I don't know what we are. But we're neither brothers nor friends." I reply and glare into the eyes of the guy opposite me, who looks back at me frowningly.

 

"Um...the next patron, please. I can cut your hair now." P'Toey walks over to call Tew, so Tew turns to me before turning to Mark once more.

 

"I'm not cutting my hair anymore." He turns to say to P'Toey, before nudging my shoulder as he walks out.

 

"I'm sorry, P'," I say to P'Toey, along with a smile.

 

"Oye~ Don't think too much. I've already earned plenty of money today. I can't stand to see that either."

 

P'Toey waves his hand back and forth and looks on after Tew, before looking back at me. "So you're not thinking of letting go of that arm at all, huh?"

 

"Um..." Mark gradually moves away from my arm, but instead I pull him back in and tighten my embrace.

 

"How can I let this one be by himself for long?"