Love Mechanics

Chapter 31. Crystal clear, feelings.

 

[Mark Masa]

 

Over time, our relationship continues to blossom. Time passes quickly, but our relationship grows gradually. I like these moments, and my emotions right now. There are times that I get upset and look at him in a displeased manner, and there are also many times when I feel heat rushing up to my face upon locking eyes with him.

 

P'Vee's very good at this. Even the small things he does to me linger in my mind. Whether it's the words he uttered weeks ago or his recent actions, I remember them all. These days, I can remember P'Vee's handsome face even better than the lectures' content. If my friends know about this, I'm in for a big chiding. But my friends all encouraged me to get back together with him. Whether they were my close friends or not, they all supported me. Not many people know about our relationship right now, though. As before, I still insist that not many people know. I'm worried about both of us. I put my feet in the water and watch the seniors goof around as I wait for training to start. Just yesterday,

 

P'Bar called me to compete. At first, he did some small talk with me, but we eventually ended up talking about P"Vee, so I told him about our relationship straightforwardly. P'Bar had told me not to let this matter affect my training, which confused me at first, but I am starting to understand now.

 

"Are you really gonna use just this white towel to cover your body?" The deep, irritated voice of the one beside me utters. I take my eyes away from the pool and look at P'Vee's frowning face. It's the same repetitive question, probably the eighth time he's asked me today.

 

"What would you have me do?" I ask him back, prompting the tall guy to pout.

"I dunno. But I don't want you to wear it like that."

 

"Then I'll take it off."

 

"Just you try!" He challenges, but his hand still grabs hold of my towel. His stern eyes seem intimidating, but I instead smile in my mind.

 

"I'm about to compete," I told him.

"Don't you have a wind jacket?" P'Vee grumbles softly and glares at me.

 

"They're hard to take off. And they might get wet." I responded.

 

"Man..can't you just swim with the jacket on then?"

"Do you see anyone else doing that? I sure don't." I answer my own question.

 

"Well..'m..."

 

"What's the matter, Vee?" Kla walks towards me with a stopwatch in hand.

 

"I wanna know how Kan calms his mind, allowing Bar to take his shirt off and swim in the pool like that," P'Vee mentions Tossakan and points to P'Bar, who's swimming

 

"The kid said whatever P'Bar loves, he also loves. How cheesy is that, huh?" P'Kla replies with a smile.

 

"Nah. If it were me, I wouldn't allow my boyfriend to take his shirt off for others to see." P'Vee responds.

 

"Then how can you allow Mark to do so?" I swiftly turn to P'Kla upon hearing his question. My calm face starts heating up, and I'm surprised by my feelings when I think of one word used to describe the relationship between two people. Although P'Vee and I are not an item yet, I still want to hear his answer.

 

"Well, he's not my boyfriend yet." P'Vee's reply makes the heat that's running up to my face evaporate.

 

"Aren't you jealous over him?"

 

"I'm so jealous I wanna gouge everyone's eyes out, but I can't do anything about it," P'Vee responds irritably.

 

"Why not?" P'Kla queries on.

 

"He's not my boyfriend yet," P'Vee replies grumpily and turns to me. "Just you wait till I get that right.."

 

"Then what're you gonna do?" I ask calmly, trying to control my facial expression and tone of voice.

 

"I'm gonna tie you up in my room. If you wanna take your shirt off, you do it only for me. If you wanna play in the water, it'll be just in front of me. Other people won't get that right." My face heats up once again upon hearing his words. He seems to be joking, though the eyes that glare my way let me know that this is no joke.

 

"What a man my friend is," P'Kla says, and pats P'Vee's back.

"Of course." He replies, flashing a handsome smile at his friend.

 

"But right now you've gotta tolerate others drooling over that hot body of his, since he ain't your boyfriend yet," P'Kla says, and sends P'Vee a smile indicating his superiority.

 

"Why you..."

 

"Let's go, Mark. Head into the pool. I'll time you." P'Kla says and nods for me to follow him.

 

"Yes," I reply, standing up. I can't help but feel upset upon seeing P'Vee's eyes looking at me.

 

"Why the hell are you looking at him like that?" P'Kla asks.

 

"I'm jealous over him." The big fella whines like a child, drawing attention from other people, though it seems P'Vee and P'Kla aren't bothered.

 

"That's your problem," P'Kla says, and leads me away.

 

I practice swimming for two hours, which is plenty of time to hone my fitness and skills. P'Bar allows me to head back, while he continues training. But I have no reason to go back yet, so I decided to hang around. P'Vee has also been hanging around here, which has drawn others' attention. Especially when he gets near me, more people look.

 

"Is the football field nearby here?" A sophomore student jeers, prompting P'Vee to raise his brows.

 

"Nah. Only my heart's around here." He replies.

"Cheesy as hell." P'Kla chides.

 

"Such balls..."

"If your face weren't so good-looking, I'd really puke on it."

 

"I've only seen Kan, but you've also turned like him?" After a few more jeers from others, P'Mild asks, though P'Vee simply shrugs his shoulders and approaches me.

 

"So what's your status with the kid, Vee?" P'Well, the third-year student, questions.

"Status? As you can see, man." He turns away from me to reply to P'Well.

 

"Please indicate your status clearly and in detail." P'Keng walks towards us both and asks.

 

"We're humans, not an exam question. Is an answer necessary?" 'Vee replies cheekily.

 

"Why, you fucker." 'Keng makes a perplexed face. "Are all handsome guys this cheeky? Just like that medical doctor kid."

 

"Where's your shirt?" P'Vee asks as I dry my hair. I look up and point to the locker room, prompting him to let out a deep sigh.

 

"In my bag," I reply calmly.

"Wear this."

 

He takes off his black jacket, places it on my lap, and says to me sternly. I look up at him once again and glance down at the apparel on my thighs. "Hurry." To appease his hot temper and alleviate my coldness, I have no choice but to pick up the jacket and put it on. The owner's aromatic body scent hits my nose as soon as I put on the dark-coloured garb.

 

"You're in your own universe again. Man, I'm not invisible air. Pay attention to me, too, please." P'Keng utters. PVee looks up at him, while I look down at my lap, not knowing how to react.

 

"The hell's with you, man?" P'Vee questions.

"Well, you're..."

 

"I'm what?"

"In your own world," P'Well says, prompting P'Vee to look at him wearily.

 

"And you don't like that?"

"No one wants to interfere in others' worlds." 'Kla says poutingly.

 

"Okay. Let's head back." P'Vee bends down to grab my hand and tugs at it. I look at him, puzzled, no different from his other friends, whose mouths are agape.

 

"Can you do that, Vee?"

 

"You don't wanna interfere in others' worlds, right? So we're gonna head back to create our own little world." P'Vee replies smilingly.

 

"P'Vee..." I call out his name in a low tone, and he turns back to me while raising his brows.

 

"What is it?" P'Vee asks.

 

"He's bashful." I wasn't quite bashful just yet, but my face heated up upon hearing P'Kla's words.

 

"When I saw P'Bar being bashful, I felt that guys could be cute too, but when I see this guy's bashfulness, it makes me feel they can be sexy, even," P'Well says, and moves his face closer to look at me.

 

"He's mine, bro." P'Vee moves over to block me and says to P'Well calmly.

"He's really jealous, no joke."

 

"And he makes it obvious."

"Just give in to him. He's lost a lot to get to this point."

 

"Well!.." P'Vee stops once I tug at his shirt from behind. If they continue their bickering, the one who has the most to lose is me. P'Vee turns back to me, even though he's speaking mid-sentence. His sharp eyes look at me as if to ask what the matter is, to which I move my mouth and reply softly. 

 

 "Let's head back..."

 

How long has it been since we've lost these moments? The moments when we can understand one another just by looking into each other's eyes, or by simply saying a few words and realising how the other person is feeling. The more I think about the time we spent fighting, the more I regret the time we lost. But those quarrels enabled us to adjust to each other better. Even though it's not much, and improves gradually, it's good for my mind.

 

I sit waiting for my food at the made-to-order restaurant. P'Vee's sitting opposite me, looking at the menu. His brows furrow more and more, as if he still can't decide what to order. He turns the menu back to the first page, and turns the pages again one by one till he reaches the last page. He looks up at me and then turns to smile at the staff, as if to apologise, before turning the pages back to look at the fish menu.

 

"Between the fish stir-fried with herbs or the pork stir-fried with herbs, which should I choose?" The handsome one looks up and asks me.

 

"You're the one who's eating it, so you decide," I replied.

"Well, I can't. Pick one for me." He says, and makes a pleading expression.

 

"Pork," I answer tersely.

"Okay. Pork stir-fried with herbs, please." 

 

He nods immediately and says to the staff. My heart beats hard. It is but a small moment that transpired. And it made me happy once more just by the other person asking a question, expecting me to answer for him, and choosing based on what was suggested, even though it was something simple like what to eat.

 

"And what about you?" I look down at the menu clumsily upon being asked by the staff.

 

"Um...stir-fried garlic pork, please," I replied.

 

The staff member smiles and takes the order, telling us to wait a while, since there are many customers at the moment. I look around the restaurant and nod understandingly. It's probably going to be a while before we get to eat. But my friend recommended this restaurant to me. Another thing is, P'Vee and I don't often eat out like this, since we mostly meet at night or at the faculty.

 

Getting to sit and look at P'Vee's face is a moment which I appreciate and etch into my memory, as it's not often that we do something like this together. Hence, I cherish everything that happens, and I want P'Vee to place value on these moments as well.

 

"Take a pic for me." While we wait, the one opposite me hands me his phone. I look at him, puzzled, and take it in blankly.

 

"Nah, IG," P'Vee replies, to which I nod.

 

I snap a photo of the handsome guy looking at the camera. I'm not sure whether the phone's camera lenses are good, or the eyes of the one opposite me are so hot, but he's able to convey his feelings via his eyes as I look into the screen. I don't want to imagine how many hearts will flutter at the sight of this photo if it goes public. Even I feel frozen by his sweet eyes and light smile.

 

"Done yet?" It seems I'm not focused, and I'm sure the person in front of me is aware.

 

"Yeah..." I make a sound from my throat and hand the phone back to P'Vee.

 

"Hmph, so handsome." He compliments himself and continues to press on his phone. 

 

"Go in and follow me, too." He then looks up and tells me.

 

"Follow? I don't use it." I reply that way, but I do have this application; I rarely update it.

 

"You're not a smooth liar. I started following you yesterday." He says and shows me the phone screen, prompting me to take out my phone and follow him to put the matter to rest.

 

"Done." I turned to show the one opposite me, as he requested.

 

"Very good. I like this application. No Angry or Like button, just hearts." Upon saying that, he leans his body over to snap a photo together with me, as I still owe him a couple photo.

 

"What's this?"

 

"Your heart. Give it to me, too." From confusion, my emotions turn to stunned. It's not often that someone compliments me with such cheesy words. I cringed when I saw Kan's status while he was flirting with P'Bar, but now that I'm experiencing this myself, I don't know how to react. All I can do is to remain silent and look at the screen, which displays a red heart under P'Vee's photo.

 

"Hey...if you feel uncomfortable, then I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking much. If you don't like it, then no need to do anything." The trembling voice utters, as if feeling guilty.

 

"I'm okay," I replied. "Why'd you stop using Facebook?" I ask.

 

"Well...I saw your status and that important person of yours." He answers and looks down at the phone.

 

"Who?"

"That P'Pac dude of yours." P'Vee looks up and tells me.

 

"Oh..." Silence ensues. P'Vee looks down and fiddles with his phone, while I look at him calmly, not saying anything further.

 

"Is he... really important?" The handsome face looks up and asks me.

 

"Well, yeah," I replied.

"Right... you guys used to love each other." 'Vee says.

 

"And we still do now," I answer, and look at P'Vee's eyes. My answer is not different from the truth, as I still love P'Pac, just not as a boyfriend.

 

"If some words make me feel hurt, you can keep them to yourself." 'Vee rebukes me softly.

 

Silence engulfs us. P'Vee becomes quiet after saying the sentence. Once the food arrives at our table, we start eating in silence. It's so quiet that I cannot bear it, so I put the spoon down on my plate and look up at P"Vee.

 

"We're senior and junior," I say.

 

"Yeah, well, at least I'm your senior, but you know well how this senior feels about you." I let out a sigh when the person opposite me misinterprets my sentence.

 

"I meant P'Pac, and I am senior and junior." It's always been that way. P'Pac and have never felt anything towards each other beyond that. Otherwise, our relationship wouldn't have been this good after the breakup.

 

"And...what about with Nook?" The senior one asks me softly, looking at me as if to seek permission.

 

"P'Nook is James' senior line," I reply slowly.

"Someone not distant."

 

"He just went to stay with me, since he had fought with his boyfriend at that time." I don't understand why I need to tell him these things when I could let him continue misunderstanding.

 

"Really?" P'Vee looks up at me, as if disbelieving.

 

"I've said it. Think whatever you want, now." I'm still confused about how to tell him such things. It might be because of his chiding just now, or because of the sad look he gave me.

 

"And what if..I think you care about me?" P'Vee utters a soft word and flashes me an impish smile.

 

"Carry on eating," I reply calmly, pointing to the plate of rice.

 

"Every time... you're always trying to change the topic whenever you feel bashful." He teases, but carries on eating.

 

"I'm not feeling bashful, though." I make an excuse, even though my face is starting to become red. I don't want to reveal to him how much I've given in to him. Although I've already given him my whole heart, I still want to maintain some parts so that he can cherish them.

 

"Really? Aren't you even a little bit bashful?"

 

"Nah," I reply nonchalantly, though I try to hide my facial expression, as every movement P'Vee makes affects the blood that is pumped up to my face, like when he cranes his neck sideways out of curiosity.

 

"Okay. It's fine if you don't feel that way, so long as you know how I feel about you." I roll my eyes upon hearing his cheesy words, but P'Vee smiles as if pleased with my reaction.

 

"You're so..." I curse softly, upon seeing that he's not moving anywhere.

 

"I'm what?"

"Eat your rice."

 

"If I get to eat you, then I won't need to eat this rice."

"P'Vee..." I lower my tone deeper and look at the one in front of me sternly.

 

"Okay. Let's eat."

 

If eating with someone is this difficult, then I should learn how to cook properly for myself. That way, I wouldn't be a burden to my heart, as it's beating so hard today because of P'Vee.

 

After our meal, Vee comes to see me off at my room. He says he'll head straight back to his place right after seeing me off. Actually, there's no need to see me off at all, but P'Vee is P'Vee. Stubborn as a mule.

 

Rrr~

I look down at my phone and see a notification that someone is calling me. I let out a smile upon seeing that it's an important person whom I miss a lot.

 

"Yes, mom," I say into the phone as soon as I pick up.

 

[You haven't called me since you left. I'm worried about you.] The pouting voice comes through the line. I let out a small smile upon hearing her words of concern.

 

"I'm fine, Mom. Nothing's the matter. I haven't called you because I've been busy these days." I replied to my mom.

 

[Are you busy with studies or matters of the heart, son?] I furrow my brows when I hear my mom speak.

 

"Did you hear from James or Wind?" I ask her back, and sit down on the sofa. I turn on the TV and lower the volume so the room doesn't get too quiet.

 

[The person who told me was neither James nor Wind, but it was your P'Pac.]

 

"What?" My tone of voice expresses a clear curiosity which I'm unable to hide. P'Pac and my mom don't really have any chance to run into each other, and more importantly, P'Pac probably wouldn't know much about me unless he was told by one of my lovely friends.

 

[P'Pac probably heard from James.] That little worm...

 

"Are you going to scold me?"

 

[It's too late to do so. If things go well upon going back to him this time, then bring him to see me sometime, okay?] I nearly choke on my saliva when I hear my mom speak.

 

"Mom...what are you saying?" I fumble my words.

 

[Well, Pac told me you're serious about this guy. Anyhow, I sensed from the start that you really love him. P'Pac said he can confirm, since he's seen with his own eyes, so I want to meet him as well.] Mom says with a chuckle.

 

"Mom...we're not at that stage yet."

 

[That's fine by me. I can wait till you get to that stage before meeting him.] Mom replies.

 

"And dad..."

 

[Oye~ That fella actually loves you to bits, dear.] I sigh out disbelievingly. Mom always says that Dad loves me, but the way he expresses himself makes me think it's not true.

 

"Mom..."

[What's with that tone of yours, son?] Mom asks.

 

"You say it so easily. This is Dad we're talking about. He doesn't even let me have my way with my studies."

 

[How's that so? He's already allowed you to study there. But you're asking me about him, so that means you're really thinking of bringing that guy to see us, huh, Masa?] Mom mentions observantly.

 

"Well, I'm thinking just in case," I reply like that, but in fact my heart is beating hard.

 

[Yes, my dear son. In case things go well, don't forget to bring him to meet me. I want to see how cute the one you like is.]

 

I smile with a chuckle upon hearing my mom's expectations. If we were to talk about looks, P'Vee is far from the word cute. But if we were to talk about his character...then he often behaves in an adorable manner that makes my heart flutter.